Author Topic: Please help me understand….  (Read 975 times)

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Offline mako9802

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Please help me understand….
« on: November 13, 2021, 12:47:42 pm »
Okay this didn’t happen here on Susan’s. But it was on <another forum>.  I made a comment that I thought was innocent.  I said a trans man or a trans female was born as a male or a female respectively.  Again that is a fact.  But I immediately followed that statement up with we all have a right to be who and what we feel we need to be to happy.  I got attacked left and right, and accused of being a bigot. I was like where is this mess coming from?  Can someone help me how saying that we all were born as a male or female is a bad statement..

Offline putaringonit

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Re: Please help me understand….
« Reply #1 on: November 13, 2021, 01:07:54 pm »
I am guessing you got attacked because some people think that trans folks are born as trans, meaning that we were always the gender we identify as, even if our genitals were different when we were born, and your comment stating otherwise triggered them.

But that's just my guess *shrugs*

Offline mako9802

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Re: Please help me understand….
« Reply #2 on: November 13, 2021, 01:34:24 pm »
I get that some people always felt that they were different than there birth gender.  But everyone and the larger society probably doesn’t believe that.  I just want everyone to be happy is all I meant by that post.  For me I am a androgyne I accept that I have both energies in me.  I was born a “king” but always wanted to be a “queen”.  Literally all my life…we are all different…

Offline Gertrude

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Re: Please help me understand….
« Reply #3 on: November 13, 2021, 04:57:18 pm »
I get that some people always felt that they were different than there birth gender.  But everyone and the larger society probably doesn’t believe that.  I just want everyone to be happy is all I meant by that post.  For me I am a androgyne I accept that I have both energies in me.  I was born a “king” but always wanted to be a “queen”.  Literally all my life…we are all different…

If that's the case, then there's no reason to make a declaration about birth gender. Generally speaking, sex and gender are different things anyway. I think the best way to get along/everyone be happy is if we accept who we are and then accept others as they are. Nothing to be sold on or minds changed if people thought that way. Therein lies the problem. Not everyone is willing to accept others as they are, but most people don't understand their internal beliefs and what the foundations of their fears are, so they become reaction vessels to the world they interact with.
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But change is"

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Offline Allie Jayne

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Re: Please help me understand….
« Reply #4 on: November 13, 2021, 05:36:41 pm »
The commonly used descriptors are Assigned Male At Birth, or Assigned Female At Birth. Science has shown us that we are indeed born trans, as part of our brains develop differently in utero, so I can see where some people may not like the descriptor 'born male/female. Unfortunately, most trans people are unaware of the circumstances of why they are trans and it causes too many problems.

Hugs,

Allie

Offline Maria77

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Re: Please help me understand….
« Reply #5 on: November 22, 2021, 08:56:53 pm »
I think Putaringonit defined it pretty well.   For some folks, that kind of language is triggering.   The one thing I’ve learned about the internet is to not get  invested in online drama.

Offline mako9802

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Re: Please help me understand….
« Reply #6 on: November 23, 2021, 12:00:50 am »
I get it, but I am a little harder to offend.  Someone saying I was born a male I’m thinking okay I was but why in the heck does that matter to you?  I’m gonna do what I need to anyway.  But I’m also like why do you care?  We all deserve to be whatever we need to be and call ourselves whatever we need to to be happy.  I won’t stand in any persons way of happiness.  I identify as a “androgyne” so for me that doesn’t bother me.  I still have a masculine side and I want to look in the mirror and see something that is at least androgynous to female appearing.  I HATE looking in the mirror and appearing masculine.  My main issue is physical dysphoria not social dysphoria so much….weird huh?

Offline Gertrude

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Re: Please help me understand….
« Reply #7 on: November 23, 2021, 06:53:42 am »
I get it, but I am a little harder to offend.  Someone saying I was born a male I’m thinking okay I was but why in the heck does that matter to you?  I’m gonna do what I need to anyway.  But I’m also like why do you care?  We all deserve to be whatever we need to be and call ourselves whatever we need to to be happy.  I won’t stand in any persons way of happiness.  I identify as a “androgyne” so for me that doesn’t bother me.  I still have a masculine side and I want to look in the mirror and see something that is at least androgynous to female appearing.  I HATE looking in the mirror and appearing masculine.  My main issue is physical dysphoria not social dysphoria so much….weird huh?

If you're OK with it, then there's nothing to say. Someone that knows doesn't have to convince others and I mean this with anything. I find social media just an outlet for people's desire to reinforce what they believe that in their hearts there's some doubt and that if we can just get someone to agree we'll feel better about ourselves and our beliefs. It becomes a trap for us and then we wonder why there's so much contention. When we know ourselves a lot of other stuff stops mattering.
"No, her mind is not for rent
To any god or government
Always hopeful, yet discontent
She knows changes aren't permanent
But change is"

Neil Peart

Offline Rakel

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Re: Please help me understand….
« Reply #8 on: November 23, 2021, 06:57:43 am »
...  My main issue is physical dysphoria not social dysphoria so much….weird huh?

Not weird at all. I feel the same as you. My main dysphoria was physical, not social.

Speaking for myself, I knew what I needed to do. It did take me a long time before I came to understand myself, but once I accepted myself, it all became clear to me. I needed GCS and since the moment I woke up from surgery, my dysphoria went away and never returned.

As for the social aspects of transition, I am not overly concerned with "passing" as female.  I hardly ever wear make up. I usually dress androgynously (shorts and t-shirt). Feminine affactations are mostly a product of the society we live in, which is just not what I need to be concerned with. I am myself and I am happy as I wish to be.

I am fully aware that others may have a different opinion. If you do, then good for you. I am happy just being myself as I am.




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Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: Please help me understand….
« Reply #9 on: November 23, 2021, 08:05:27 am »
I want to appear my true gender, and I want to be accepted as female in all ways.  Those who are understanding do, regardless how I am dressed.  I am Chrissy to them.  I do try to be out as myself. 

I dress androgynously (shorts, pants, t-shirt, unisex clothes) when I have some concerns about my appearance where I will be at, rather than presenting as my male birth sex.  My birth gender is female, my true gender is female.  The body parts and socialization was wrong for me.

I just want to blend in, be accepted as me, and live a nice life as me.  I do like to hear “her”, “she”, and be addressed Chrissy.  I do not get upset when those pronouns are not used though.  Disappointed sometimes.

Chrissy



Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Please help me understand….
« Reply #10 on: November 23, 2021, 09:03:19 am »
I want to appear my true gender, and I want to be accepted as female in all ways.  Those who are understanding do, regardless how I am dressed.  I am Chrissy to them.  I do try to be out as myself. 

I dress androgynously (shorts, pants, t-shirt, unisex clothes) when I have some concerns about my appearance where I will be at, rather than presenting as my male birth sex.  My birth gender is female, my true gender is female.  The body parts and socialization was wrong for me.

I just want to blend in, be accepted as me, and live a nice life as me.  I do like to hear “her”, “she”, and be addressed Chrissy.  I do not get upset when those pronouns are not used though.  Disappointed sometimes.

Chrissy

Chrissy, you are so kind that it's just wrong that anyone would be unkind to you.

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: Please help me understand….
« Reply #11 on: November 23, 2021, 10:50:50 am »
Chrissy, you are so kind that it's just wrong that anyone would be unkind to you.

@oldandcreaky


You are so sweet. 

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline TXSara

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Re: Please help me understand….
« Reply #12 on: November 23, 2021, 05:20:41 pm »
I'm probably taking a risk in even joining this conversation -- I am very early into my transition, and I have not experienced the negativity that has caused so many of us to be triggered by seemingly small issues.  That being said...

I think that we (the transgender community) can sometimes be our own worst enemies.  When we get butt-hurt about every single thing a person says that isn't EXACTLY the way we see it, we're only making the people around us feel like they are stepping on eggshells.  So what if someone says "born male" instead of "assigned male at birth"?  Is it really worth correcting them?  On one hand, you are "helping them to be more understanding in the future", and on the other, you're potentially making them feel awkward, embarrassed, or insulted.

I am not worried as much about negativity from others as I am about isolation.  I can take it if someone disagrees with my views, and I can even live with others disagreeing with my desire to transition.  What I really worry about is that my being transgender will make interactions so awkward that people choose to avoid me.  I am hoping that by being kind-hearted and VERY thick-skinned, I will be able to get friends to come back around to being comfortable with me. 

I can definitely say that my home life got a LOT better once my wife and kids started ribbing me about my being a girl.  I think the joking would stop if I started giving them grief about addressing me a specific way.

I guess this was just a long-winded way of saying, "sorry you were attacked, Mako-- what you said doesn't offend me in the slightest."  To each her own, I guess...

~Sara
« Last Edit: November 24, 2021, 05:20:23 am by TXSara »

Offline mako9802

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Re: Please help me understand….
« Reply #13 on: November 24, 2021, 04:25:09 am »
It really bothered me.  I’m technically part of the trans community and got attacked for not saying exactly what the community at large wants me to say.  It was the dumbest <thing> I ever heard.  If a acknowledge that a trans person was born into a bio sex but has a right to live how they need to to be happy you would think that would be enough.  Like you said we are our own worst enemies.  Some of us are easily offended or triggered <people>.  People need to wake up and realize that not everyone is going to see things the exact same way.
« Last Edit: November 24, 2021, 07:53:05 am by Rakel »

Offline Lady Sarah

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Re: Please help me understand….
« Reply #14 on: November 26, 2021, 09:47:39 pm »
I view things more like TXSara does, only I am much much older and not so new to transition. I doubt it's just because we share a name and live in the same state.

Trying not to hurt other people's feelings online on some forums can be tricky. It really sucks when a large group thinks you did it to be cruel. Think that's bad? Look at the old Jerry Springer Show, where people come out and say "I was born a man". I think "Really? You were born fully grown?"  Then you get some that (once they get GCS) deny ever having been trans, even to future souses and /or doctors.

Some folks can really be way out there. That's their business. I'll stay down to earth, personally. If I have to worry about every line of semantics someone draws out about the trans umbrella, I'll probably get another blockbuster of a migraine headache. What's worse is that some of those forums expect you to understand all that.
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Offline Ellie_Jean

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Re: Please help me understand….
« Reply #15 on: November 26, 2021, 10:24:02 pm »
The commonly used descriptors are Assigned Male At Birth, or Assigned Female At Birth. Science has shown us that we are indeed born trans, as part of our brains develop differently in utero, so I can see where some people may not like the descriptor 'born male/female. Unfortunately, most trans people are unaware of the circumstances of why they are trans and it causes too many problems.

Hugs,

Allie

^^^Precisely this.

If someone makes an honest mistake, I politely correct them and don't take it personally.

If they keep doing it, then I'd probably get ticked.

I wasn't always this way though; I used to let everything slide when I heard someone saying something that wasn't accurate. I guess after "letting it go" so many times, resentments started building up over time. So now I'm not afraid to tell people how it is in the nicest way I can. Most of them seem to appreciate my patience and understanding and willingness to educate in a civil manner. Some of them don't. ...OH WELL! Lol. Haters gonna hate! 😜
« Last Edit: November 27, 2021, 03:11:30 am by Ellie_Jean »
“Come to the edge!" he said.
"We can't; we're afraid!" they responded.
"Come to the edge!" he said.
"We can't; we will fall!" they responded.
"Come to the edge!" he said.
And they came.
And he pushed.
And they FLEW.

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