Community Conversation > Crossdresser talk

New and I would love some help please

<< < (2/3) > >>

DianaPrince:
Some couples settle on a “don’t ask don’t really” policy when it comes to cross dressing.

Might that work for you? She’d need to accept that you will dress sometimes, but you’d choose times when she’s out of the house.

Allie Jayne:
Hi Mia, I would love to assure you your relationship will survive, but in reality most trans relationships fail. Trans people are hardwired to try to satisfy their Gender Identity, and that can't be changed. Dysphoria from our gender ID rises, and the only way to get some relief is to go some way towards satisfying your Gender ID. The only recognised cure is to transition, though many trans people don't. So, if you are trans, it will not go away, and is almost impossible to repress.

I have been where you are, married and had 2 children only to lose my first wife because I am trans, remarried another woman at 46 with the strict conditions that nobody ever found out about me, and I never transition. That worked for 20 years, but as I went into my 60's, my dysphoria became out of control and made me critically sick. Oestrogen therapy cured me, but meant, to survive, I needed to transition. My wife tried to stay with me, but left one month after my GRS.

So you are between the veritable rock and hard place as so many of us have been. My advice is for you to seek out an experienced Gender Therapist, talk this over with your partner, and both of you see the therapist. She has an enormous stake in all of this, so deserves to be involved at every stage. Make sure whoever you see is experienced in Transgender support, as they will be able to confirm if you are trans, and give both of you some options. A general therapist will likely give you bad advice.

I was totally committed to both of my wives, and equally committed to try repress my gender ID, but it nearly killed me. I did have 20 wonderful years with my second wife, as she allowed me to be me at home, and losing her earlier this year has been extremely hard to accept. I know other trans women whose wives are still with them, but they are both rare and incredibly lucky. I would love to hear that your relationship made it through this challenge one day, and wish you every fortune.

Hugs,

Allie

MiaSanchez:

--- Quote from: Allie Jayne on November 15, 2021, 10:29:08 pm ---Hi Mia, I would love to assure you your relationship will survive, but in reality most trans relationships fail. Trans people are hardwired to try to satisfy their Gender Identity, and that can't be changed. Dysphoria from our gender ID rises, and the only way to get some relief is to go some way towards satisfying your Gender ID. The only recognised cure is to transition, though many trans people don't. So, if you are trans, it will not go away, and is almost impossible to repress.

I have been where you are, married and had 2 children only to lose my first wife because I am trans, remarried another woman at 46 with the strict conditions that nobody ever found out about me, and I never transition. That worked for 20 years, but as I went into my 60's, my dysphoria became out of control and made me critically sick. Oestrogen therapy cured me, but meant, to survive, I needed to transition. My wife tried to stay with me, but left one month after my GRS.

So you are between the veritable rock and hard place as so many of us have been. My advice is for you to seek out an experienced Gender Therapist, talk this over with your partner, and both of you see the therapist. She has an enormous stake in all of this, so deserves to be involved at every stage. Make sure whoever you see is experienced in Transgender support, as they will be able to confirm if you are trans, and give both of you some options. A general therapist will likely give you bad advice.

I was totally committed to both of my wives, and equally committed to try repress my gender ID, but it nearly killed me. I did have 20 wonderful years with my second wife, as she allowed me to be me at home, and losing her earlier this year has been extremely hard to accept. I know other trans women whose wives are still with them, but they are both rare and incredibly lucky. I would love to hear that your relationship made it through this challenge one day, and wish you every fortune.

Hugs,

Allie

--- End quote ---

Allie,

First, thank you for your intimacy and your story.  It's actually given me strength to have a really raw talk with my fiancee tonight.  Your pain and your struggles are helping me so you didn't suffer in vain.  Honestly, I'm not sure if I'm trans or what I am. I know I feel most me grounded as a female.  i am a highly educated man, makes decisions and runs departments all day but I never feel like me doing it.  When I am at home and I'm dressed that feels like me.  I feel calm and serene.  I feel safe and I feel happy.  I've struggled with anxiety horrific anxiety most of my life.  But, I don't when I'm dressed.  I've battled through it and become successful.  I have a myriad of women wanting to be mine but they leave at the first sign of my more feminine nature.  My fiancee was actually attracted to it.  But I know she is turned off if I dress.  After our talk tonight, I know for a fact she loves me.  She wants this to work and is ok with panties under my work clothes.  I just feel that I want to be me fully and that might never be loved by anyone.   

Maid Marion:
Hi Mia,

It sounds like you two are on the right path.  Talking about it is a great start.
If  the both of you can talk about it and come to a compromise on issues your chances of a successful relationship are much better.

Marion

Jessica_Rose:
Mia, no spouse or significant other can tell us who we are. Sometimes we can find compromises, but that may only work for a little while. Suppressing who I was led to anger and rage, reaching the point where I nearly took my own life along with the lives of my wife and daughters. Once I discovered the source of my rage, I knew I had to transition. The only option I gave my wife was to stay or to go. My wife was upset with me for a long time, for months we slept in separate bedrooms. Eventually she realized that I was becoming a better version of the person she had married all those years ago. Earlier this year, three days after our 37th Anniversary, we married once again as two brides. I know how lucky I am, and how special my wife is. It can work out, but you may not find peace until you become the person you were meant to be.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page

Go to full version