Author Topic: How can we expect acceptance if we can’t accept others…  (Read 360 times)

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Offline mako9802

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How can we expect acceptance if we can’t accept others…
« on: November 16, 2021, 01:21:12 pm »
Hello I currently live here in Charlotte NC I’m 39 and currently identify as a Male to Androgyne.  I have always had a desire to look in the mirror and see something that looks female.  I have been taking hrt for years but still technically live socially as a male.  When I started this I knew I needed to do this even though I technically don’t fully identify as a female.  Now I’ll get to the point.  The LGBT community in my area Charlotte NC has decided to appoint themselves gatekeepers.  They have decided for me that I’m not “enough”.  And to make matters worse they have blacklisted me in this area…”I know it sounds paranoid but it’s real”.  They passed my name around  the whole city and called me a “man”, they basically have made me out to be some kind of sexual predator.  That’s the only thing that makes me angry not them not associating with me.  I have developed severe anxiety and depression due to this, and am currently on medication for depression .  I routinely go into fits of rage when I think about a group of people I don’t know having power over me.  It’s like I have no say so anymore.  I have gotten to the point where I despise the LGBT community but especially the trans community  (in this area only) not as a whole.    My point is how can a group that marched in the street to be seen and heard and wanted the respect they think they are entitled to, so violently and viciously violate someone who never bothered a soul because they don’t fit the “stereotype”. I knew who I was when I started but I never thought I would be treated that way especially by Trans people, nobody ever asked me who I was they told me who I wasn’t which you shouldn’t do.  The only folks I have to talk to act like they don’t want to hear it….my mother and sister.  I just needed a place to vent this.  If anyone reads it thank you.

Offline TXSara

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Re: How can we expect acceptance if we can’t accept others…
« Reply #1 on: November 16, 2021, 01:38:14 pm »
Wow, Mako...

What you say sounds incredibly unfair and hard to imagine happening.  How did all of this come about?  Surely there's more to the story than just "I have chosen not to fully transition, so I'm being shunned." 

I believe that this is every person's personal journey that should begin and end exactly how WE decide it should -- I'm very surprised that this is not the general consensus within your local transgender community.

I fully plan on living my life as male until the time comes when I decide that it is time to socially transition.  That might be 6 months from now, 1.5 years from now, or NEVER -- hell, I don't know!  I surely don't expect the local transgender community to have a problem with that.

Truthfully, I believe you're giving these folks far more power than you should.  Just don't engage... so what if some group doesn't like you?  Find another one.  Truthfully, I believe you'll be happier long-term finding some local cis-women to hang out with, anyway.

~Sara

Offline mako9802

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Re: How can we expect acceptance if we can’t accept others…
« Reply #2 on: November 16, 2021, 01:58:33 pm »
I’m not being crazy or paranoid.  Every negative thing I have experienced has been from the LGBT community like I said but in particular the trans community here.  I never did anything to them.  I’ve heard them say “you have to do this the way we expect”.  Or I “still act like a guy”. Or the dumbest mess it heard I have ever heard “I still work like a guy”….what?….   I have a masculine side I knew that going in.  They want me to be a femme queen is there issue with me.  I’m not a femme queen like at all.  But here’s the rub I can pass with little effort.  So I’m a “tough out”, All it takes for me is a small bit of makeup to tip myself from androgynous to wow.   Heck there was even a guy at my old job he was a really flamboyant gay guy we didn’t get along…he was like “he needs to go back and be a man, because he is not a girl”.  And low and behold he is transitioning now I saw him now her a few months ago.  It’s crazy….

Offline Pammie

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Re: How can we expect acceptance if we can’t accept others…
« Reply #3 on: November 16, 2021, 02:01:31 pm »
Im sad to read this.
In what way can they ‘black list’ you that would matter to you?
What does your therapist say?


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Offline mako9802

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Re: How can we expect acceptance if we can’t accept others…
« Reply #4 on: November 16, 2021, 02:05:51 pm »
I have been around my city and had people approach me like they know who I am.  They have told cis females I some kind of faker.  So what happens if I was to fully transition and live as a woman…I get killed or beat up in a restroom, I prefer single stall or if no single stall I use the mens quickly and get out.    People walk by me look me up and down and tell me “what I am”.  I have no idea who these people are.  It’s so awkward now it’s not even funny.  Basically my only option is move and I was told to ignore it….

Offline Pammie

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Re: How can we expect acceptance if we can’t accept others…
« Reply #5 on: November 16, 2021, 02:11:02 pm »
I have been around my city and had people approach me like they know who I am.  They have told cis females I some kind of faker.  So what happens if I was to fully transition and live as a woman…I get killed or beat up in a restroom, I prefer single stall or if no single stall I use the mens quickly and get out.    People walk by me look me up and down and tell me “what I am”.  I have no idea who these people are.  It’s so awkward now it’s not even funny.  Basically my only option is move and I was told to ignore it….
Really? I mean I can’t imagine they have put photos up everywhere? Do you stand out do you think?
How big is your city?


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Offline mako9802

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Re: How can we expect acceptance if we can’t accept others…
« Reply #6 on: November 16, 2021, 02:14:37 pm »
It’s Charlotte NC…. Not a small place…

Offline mako9802

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Re: How can we expect acceptance if we can’t accept others…
« Reply #7 on: November 16, 2021, 02:22:17 pm »
They think I “represent” them.  And the way I am now is “not how you are supposed to do it”…Literally have heard that one too.  Another time I was at a grocery store here my cashier was trans as well as I walked away “you need to go back and be a “man”….really?  She should mind her business….she wouldn’t like it if someone said that to her.  I lost my last job because of this.  I heard multiple people in management discussing my current appearance and saying “yeah we have to get rid of this guy”…I told hR and they did nothing because it’s hearsay…

Offline Pammie

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Re: How can we expect acceptance if we can’t accept others…
« Reply #8 on: November 16, 2021, 02:25:35 pm »
They think I “represent” them.  And the way I am now is “not how you are supposed to do it”…Literally have heard that one too.  Another time I was at a grocery store here my cashier was trans as well as I walked away “you need to go back and be a “man”….really?  She should mind her business….she wouldn’t like it if someone said that to her.  I lost my last job because of this.  I heard multiple people in management discussing my current appearance and saying “yeah we have to get rid of this guy”…I told hR and they did nothing because it’s hearsay…
That’s awful and really tough. That’s a big city so I imagine there are only select places where you have to experience this? Are there maybe just specific places you might avoid?


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Offline mako9802

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Re: How can we expect acceptance if we can’t accept others…
« Reply #9 on: November 16, 2021, 02:54:14 pm »
Here’s the problem the LGBT community is pretty big and reaches into regular society.  So if they don’t “do you” it will eventually cause the hetro community to avoid you to.  I work at an Amazon facility here and believe me the the trans numbers there are HUGE!  Because Amazon has great trans benefits.  Day one at this place they were on me to…

Offline Lady Sarah

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Re: How can we expect acceptance if we can’t accept others…
« Reply #10 on: November 18, 2021, 10:35:10 pm »
I know your pain. I went through it in San Francisco when the local Trans groups decided I didn't fit in. Then, I went through it again after moving from there to Asheville, NC, and butted heads with someone that deemed themself the top dog that all Trans there had to go through, and demanded $20 a month for access to resources.

I don't have an answer to resolve your dilemma, but I can tell you how I resolved mine.

I broke all contact with any and all local LGBTQ groups. I made phone calls. Finding a physician was one I needed in Asheville. I got an appointment. The doctor cussed at me and told me to leave. I filed a lawsuit. The doctor over the one that cussed and told me to leave called me. We talked. I dropped the suit and got a doctor. It took 3 weeks of phone calls to stop the pharmacy from denying me my prescriptions. That top dog had some control, but I was pulling power.

I never had any problems anywhere since then. Of course, I haven't lived within driving distance of any of those groups either.
started HRT: July 13, 1991
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Offline mako9802

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Re: How can we expect acceptance if we can’t accept others…
« Reply #11 on: November 25, 2021, 05:29:19 pm »
That’s pretty much my plan as well.  I just plan to avoid  my local LGBT community in it’s entirety.  Especially my local trans community.  Oil and water can’t mix.  I have said this before but at this point I despise them.

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: How can we expect acceptance if we can’t accept others…
« Reply #12 on: November 26, 2021, 07:56:03 am »
The unfortunate situations described above are sad.

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Maddie

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Re: How can we expect acceptance if we can’t accept others…
« Reply #13 on: November 26, 2021, 09:05:05 am »
I avoid "communities".  They usually don't feel right to me .

While I've had some negative situations in all kinds of places,. I've done well being accepted on a individual basis in what might be called less "progressive" areas.  Just by being real, presenting okay and showing respect to myself and others wherever I'm at.  It works with progressive-minded folks too btw!

It's mostly the tribal mob mentality I need to avoid.

Good luck to you Mako.  Stay away from hate, or dispel it with respect and love. Be where you really need to be.  Peace

Online Haley Conner

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Re: How can we expect acceptance if we can’t accept others…
« Reply #14 on: November 26, 2021, 10:26:24 am »
Every group has it's jerks.

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