Author Topic: Do you disclose?  (Read 1165 times)

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Offline Maid Marion

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Re: Do you disclose?
« Reply #20 on: November 21, 2021, 08:54:09 am »
My yard is the flower garden for the neighborhood!  I've even received a thank you card from a commuter who drives past my house!  Everyone appreciates the work I put into it.

Same thing at work.  I am great at handling *those* customers.

I don't disclose and I'm sure most folks don't want to know the details.  They are too busy with their issues.
But they love the results of the work I do.  I'm sure my coworkers dread the day I finally hang up my heels.

Marion

Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Do you disclose?
« Reply #21 on: November 21, 2021, 09:05:21 am »
You are 100% correct on that. Neighbors who moved in a year after I transitioned eventually heard about my history. People treat men and women differently, and many people place transgender folks in an entirely different category. In many cases the only way for us to be treated 'normally' is for no one to know about one of the most amazing aspects of our lives, and that is one of the reasons we moved to another state. I still have the same job, but I have always been treated well by my company and my co-workers. Now my neighbors only know me as a woman named Jessica. Some will slowly learn about many aspects of my past, but I don't plan to let them know about my medical history.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Jessica, I'm glad you've constructed a firewall with distance and not volunteering intimate information.

When people talk about us, it's for the most banal of reasons: They want attention. And when they share something so volatile, people listen. It also creates a facsimile of intimacy. In true intimacy, there's a measured, equitable exchange of intimate information, i.e. I share something painful and you respond in kind, creating mutual risk. But when you use another person's pain, you risk nothing and use the target of your gossip to risk everything. Gossip is vile. Even the ancients recognized this, for it's written in the Bible that if you can't temper your tongue, your religion is worthless. It was a deal breaker for the Bible's authors.

Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Do you disclose?
« Reply #22 on: November 21, 2021, 09:12:11 am »
My yard is the flower garden for the neighborhood!  I've even received a thank you card from a commuter who drives past my house!  Everyone appreciates the work I put into it.

Same thing at work.  I am great at handling *those* customers.

I don't disclose and I'm sure most folks don't want to know the details.  They are too busy with their issues.
But they love the results of the work I do.  I'm sure my coworkers dread the day I finally hang up my heels.

Marion

That "thank you card" is cool, Marion. I live in a town of gardens and I've thanked the gardeners many times for the gift of their gardens.

I'm currently building my third garden. I assembled the bones of it this past summer, doing some hardscaping and planting about a hundred trees. I garden on a big scale, buying in bulk, whether with my trailer or by dump truck loads.

This winter, I'll start thinning the forest that wraps around my house, so it will be light-dappled and lovely next spring. Ferns and moss will rise with a little light and the trees that remain will be so much healthier with heaping helpings of light. In a couple summers, it will slow traffic, as did my last garden, and some cars will full stop. 

Offline Maid Marion

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Re: Do you disclose?
« Reply #23 on: November 21, 2021, 09:21:34 am »
When I socialize as I women I get treated as one.  I'm sure it helps that my voice and mannerisms match my appearance.  I notice that I've recently been adding hand gestures to the mix.  Most likely because I'm now using them a lot when I drive, signalling that I want the other driver to merge into traffic.

Marion

Offline MaryXYX

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Re: Do you disclose?
« Reply #24 on: November 22, 2021, 08:28:05 am »
I was working when I transitioned, so I had no option.  I'm retired now so the work question isn't relevant.  I go shopping as a woman and nobody comments.  I moved into retirement housing before I transitioned, so anyone who has been here as long as I have and still has their memory knows.  I don't tell newer people and I hope no-one else does.

However, I am an activist.  I'm a member of a Bible study group at a Conservative Evangelical Baptist.  (They are very strong on Bible teaching.)  I told the group about TDoR and asked for prayer for victims and their friends and families.  They do support me and they did pray.

Offline jennifer7020

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Re: Do you disclose?
« Reply #25 on: November 22, 2021, 08:47:08 am »
For me it is a slightly different spin-- what should I disclose.

A quick reminder... I in my 50s. Married, non-supportive wife. Been in therapy since June. My first appointment towards medical transition/HRT is in January..

and..

I was invited to apply for a new job. One that is attractive professionally and has the added plus of much much much better trans benefits. At least by a quick read of the plan. I've decided to at least shoot them a resume and speak to the hiring manager.

I am at the very beginning of the process.. and might not even make it past the initial screens. If I do, it does raise the question what should I disclose and when?  Right now, I work for a very progressive, welcoming environment. While I am not out to my employer, I don't particularly worry about the need to come out in the future. A new job.. big unknown. I'd hate to move from welcoming into hostility, so disclosure might be a good thing.

thoughts? certainly I need to go a little more into the process. then..
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She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes
And I knew, without askin', she was into the blues
She wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls
I knew right away she was not like other girls, other girls

Offline pamelatransuk

  • Started taking action after decades of suppression in 2017. Finally secured my true female body by GRS in 2021.
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Re: Do you disclose?
« Reply #26 on: November 22, 2021, 10:39:58 am »
I was working when I transitioned, so I had no option.  I'm retired now so the work question isn't relevant.  I go shopping as a woman and nobody comments.  I moved into retirement housing before I transitioned, so anyone who has been here as long as I have and still has their memory knows.  I don't tell newer people and I hope no-one else does.


Nice to see you posting again, Mary. We had correspondence with each other some time ago.

I decided to go fulltime Pamela at the same time as moving from a big house to an apartment (June 2019) where most of us are over 50. I am 66 and retired like you. I go shopping also and nobody comments. I suspect some of my neighbours either knew or strongly suspected back in 2019 that I am trans but I also hope any gossip has since diminished.

Obviously I told none of my neighbours of my GRS in June 2021 but did so willingly to my cousins from whom I have always had full support.

Hugs

Pamela

Offline MaryXYX

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Re: Do you disclose?
« Reply #27 on: November 23, 2021, 08:15:56 am »
GRS, or as the hospital I went to called it "Gender Confirmation Surgery" is another matter.  I told the woman in the next flat as she has been very supportive.  For the rest of the retirement flats, I was in hospital.  My church newsletter had an entry "Mary is going into hospital for an operation.  Please pray for her".  Friends would know what operation, for others it would be "One of the congregation is in hospital".  There isn't any need to mention it now.

A few days ago one of the women who has been here long enough to know stopped me in the corridor and said my name wasn't on the list for the New Year Party - was that because I hadn't seen the notice?  I think she's just treating me as one of the residents and nothing special.

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