Believe or not it has been over five years since I got the encouragement from this group to not worry about my bad heart but to relieve myself of internal pain by being the person so long hidden inside. Five years later I am a much different person. I have studied a lot of research papers. I am also aware of what caused my transgender feelings and why they didn't leave once I married. I am still under Psychiatric care with Dr. Ben. We are finding ways to cope and now I have old age added to the fire. I have learned a lot however. Like the fact I am a DES Son. My mother was given huge doses of estrogen, DES, Diethylstilbesterol to prevent a mis-carriage. Thus my body formed in the first 8-10 weeks with defects in the heart and genitals under the influence of testosterone. The administration of the DES began around week eight and influenced the creation of my brain which occurs in the second and third trimester. Lesson number two. I am on the high function autism spectrum. That's why it is sometime hard to understand what I am saying. Believe me it is even worse in person. I have problems socially, duh. Then there are the heart problems... Defective aortic valve, cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure. You get the idea. I was going to change my name to Lucky, like the dog. Turns out all the symptoms are inner mixed with the DES exposure. Up to 25% of transgender people are autistic. DES was not just a problem for males but females got uterine cancers. Last fact. The traits can be passed on to future generations. One of the greatest gifts is learning just what love is. As I have stated before, I am asexual and that is why my first wife is not with me. I met a friend by accident really a couple years ago. We communicated on social networks and went to lunch several times. Then the pandemic loosened up and I was able to discover the inner workings of this beautiful two spirit person. Without a doubt the most honest, trustworthy, loving person I have ever met. My Native American friend has taught me so much about the mishandling of her people. I am just amazed at how much we meld on our ideas and political stances. Truly a one of a kind sister.
Merry Christmas everybody. Have a great holiday season and with any luck we will be back at it next year,