Community Conversation > Non-binary talk
Do other non-binary people feel like this?
Dargoon:
I have recently accepted myself as transgender and even came out to a few people, mostly online, about being a trans man. The issue is that despite me loving the fact that they now treat me as a man, I felt like I was ignoring part of myself. I tried to bury that down because I didn't want people to not see me as a guy. It got a little too hard to ignore and then I noticed a few things:
- When I was a child (bellow the age of 10), I used to think I was intersex despite having the expected body of my AGAB;
- The physical transition I want would make me get a more masculine body, but still androgynous;
- I keep feeling like I'd be ignoring part of me if I failed to recognize I'm also a woman;
- I do feel extremely bad about the idea of not being able to present as a man and live as one;
- I have a lot of gender envy towards men.
Is this something that happens with other non-binary people? Binary trans people can answer too if you'd like to.
Tess100:
Hello Dargoon,
Change the pronouns and you would be describing my life.
I present as something in-between genders. HRT influenced body, female wardrobe, largely male mannerisms. The general public looks at me as a male. Aside from a few very close friends I am not out to anyone. It is a complicated path to navigate. We have to be who we are though, right?
I would love to hear more about your experiences.
Tess
Courtney G:
We're finally starting to explore the gender spectrum properly. If it happened decades ago, so many more people like us could have found our way out of the confusion.
I:
Relate to women better and envy both their gender and the basic physical attributes
Want a physical transition that would give me a female body, but do not wish to have to satisfy the expected gender norms that come with - I'd love to be able to feel "pretty", but not have that expectation put on me
Feel very uncomfortable living a life that requires me to present as a woman all the time
Absolutely hate being dismissed as a "man" by women
Rakel:
--- Quote from: Dargoon on December 18, 2021, 08:46:22 am ---...I have a lot of gender envy towards men.
Is this something that happens with other non-binary people? Binary trans people can answer too if you'd like to.
--- End quote ---
Welcome back Dargoon. I see that this is the first post from you in over 7 years. I hope everything has been going well for you.
Speaking for myself, for many years I was totally envious of all women, no matter how they looked or how they presented themselves. No matter if they were short or tall, skinny or not so skinny, I always remember thinking to myself, "Those ladies just do not know how lucky they are."
Today, I realize that this was my inner self image talking to me. It all depends if your physical body matching your mental self or not. If you have a match, you are so fortunate. If you have a dysphoria of any kind, we either suffered through it or took charge of our own life. Today you can do something about it. Years ago, this did not happen very often.
Take care. :-*
Dargoon:
--- Quote from: Tess100 on December 18, 2021, 03:44:14 pm ---Hello Dargoon,
Change the pronouns and you would be describing my life.
I present as something in-between genders. HRT influenced body, female wardrobe, largely male mannerisms. The general public looks at me as a male. Aside from a few very close friends I am not out to anyone. It is a complicated path to navigate. We have to be who we are though, right?
I would love to hear more about your experiences.
Tess
--- End quote ---
We have to do our best on that, indeed.
I honestly don't think I have much experience related to that. Most of it I have done online and I have noticed myself having a more masculine gender expression online (including preferring the use of masculine pronouns and a stereotypically masculine name) and being treated as a woman, even if respectfully, makes me feel uncomfortable in most contexts. Still, I know that sometimes being treated as a guy isn't that good, especially when they expect me to perform toxic masculinity.
I attempted to achieve a more masculine look my cutting my hair short and it did help a bit, but now I can't stop noticing that my face is too feminine.
--- Quote from: Courtney G on December 18, 2021, 04:25:05 pm ---We're finally starting to explore the gender spectrum properly. If it happened decades ago, so many more people like us could have found our way out of the confusion.
I:
Relate to women better and envy both their gender and the basic physical attributes
Want a physical transition that would give me a female body, but do not wish to have to satisfy the expected gender norms that come with - I'd love to be able to feel "pretty", but not have that expectation put on me
Feel very uncomfortable living a life that requires me to present as a woman all the time
Absolutely hate being dismissed as a "man" by women
--- End quote ---
Describes my case really well, but as a man. This is one of those things that makes me wonder if what bothers me the most about being one of the binary genders is the limitations over gender expression, so maybe I assume that being non-binary would allow me to not have to follow strict rules.
--- Quote from: Rakel on December 18, 2021, 07:12:20 pm ---Welcome back Dargoon. I see that this is the first post from you in over 7 years. I hope everything has been going well for you.
Speaking for myself, for many years I was totally envious of all women, no matter how they looked or how they presented themselves. No matter if they were short or tall, skinny or not so skinny, I always remember thinking to myself, "Those ladies just do not know how lucky they are."
Today, I realize that this was my inner self image talking to me. It all depends if your physical body matching your mental self or not. If you have a match, you are so fortunate. If you have a dysphoria of any kind, we either suffered through it or took charge of our own life. Today you can do something about it. Years ago, this did not happen very often.
Take care. :-*
--- End quote ---
Things have improved, but they aren't that good right now. I don't remember much about my mindset 7 years ago. I know that I managed to live as if I was a cis woman and I got back to questioning after noticing that I have been feeling very depressed over the fact that I'm not a man. I'm still trying to figure out what I can do to better deal with it. If I need to change the way I present myself to the world or do any changes to my body, I will try to find ways to do that. I just hope that will help me.
I had similar thoughts towards men, but it was way too easy to dismiss that as internalized misogyny. I have been allowing myself to feel things recently and to experiment with different gender expressions and presentations when I'm safe to do so.
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