Community Conversation > Non-binary talk

Do other non-binary people feel like this?

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Courtney G:

--- Quote from: Dargoon on December 19, 2021, 10:28:00 am ---Describes my case really well, but as a man. This is one of those things that makes me wonder if what bothers me the most about being one of the binary genders is the limitations over gender expression, so maybe I assume that being non-binary would allow me to not have to follow strict rules.
--- End quote ---

Yes. I would love to live in a world where I would be free to express both sides of my gender identity. I don't want to come out at female because it's not absolute for me...I'm still male. But I strongly identify with the female in me. And for that matter, it's unfortunate that the "nonbinary" label puts people in some wasteland that the rest of world doesn't understand, but has to make room for, like a relative that doesn't fit in at the holiday dinner table, and makes everyone else uncomfortable.

Asche:

--- Quote from: Dargoon on December 19, 2021, 10:28:00 am ---... This is one of those things that makes me wonder if what bothers me the most about being one of the binary genders is the limitations over gender expression, so maybe I assume that being non-binary would allow me to not have to follow strict rules.

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Presenting as (binary) male or (binary) female may result in people expecting you to follow particular rules -- but you don't have to follow them.  You do have to deal with their expectations, and I think most of us (both cis and trans) have to find some compromise between those expectations and how we'd really like to live.  (But doesn't that describe almost everyone?)

I say "presenting," rather than "being," because presentation is what people use to figure out what expectations they'll try to saddle you with, and your presentation doesn't have to determine how you identify or how you see yourself.

I describe my true self as non-binary because I reject the whole structure that society has created around "gender" (or "sex".)  Growing up, I experienced gendered expectations placed on me as just another way that the rest of humanity was trying to eradicate my soul, so I went to no more effort to meet those expectations than I had to to survive, and I certainly didn't let them define who I was.  You could perhaps call me a "gender nihilist."

However, I present female, because I can't stand the dreck that society has constructed around "masculinity" (I actually find masculinity kind of triggering), and the expectations that get placed on me when I present as female are easier for me to bear -- or ignore, as the case may be.  (I'm a life-long feminist, and I think my feminism justifies ignoring those expectations.)

I've never tried to "present non-binary," because there are no widely accepted "rules" yet for how people should interact with people who look non-binary, the way there are for people who present male or present female, so you kind of have to make up the rules and then try to force everyone you deal with to follow them.  I have a few non-binary friends, and they have to constantly struggle to get people to use the correct pronouns and non-gendered nouns.  Me?  I'm old and tired and don't have any fight left.  So I let people see me as a woman who doesn't follow all the rules (I'm such a bad girl :) )-- which also describes most of the cis women I have anything to do with, so I feel like I fit in.

CrowTheNB:
I feel similarly to you. I dont think your alone in your experience.

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