General Discussions > ARGHHH!

No-one told me one of the most crucial requirements for transitioning

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Oldandcreaky:
Katelyn, it sounds like you're hurting and if that's so, I wish it were otherwise. Loneliness is a hollowing, the prairie wind, a faucet dripping in the dark.

Allie and Rakel raise good points about mutual interests. When I was young, my female friends wanted to bar hop and kiss boys and above all, talk about boys. That was fun for a short stretch, but then I turned my attention, like Allie and many ciswomen, to children, which kept me so busy that there wasn't much time nor desire for cultivating friendships. Now I'm old and a gardener and my female friends and I chat about our homes and gardens. It is not my experience that women my age want to talk about makeup or fashion and some transwomen like to talk about these things, so if you do, that might be off-putting for potential friends as they likely passed through that phase way back when.

Pose questions too. People like to talk about themselves, so set them up to do that.

Katelyn:

--- Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 26, 2022, 07:17:55 am ---Katelyn, it sounds like you're hurting and if that's so, I wish it were otherwise. Loneliness is a hollowing, the prairie wind, a faucet dripping in the dark.

Allie and Rakel raise good points about mutual interests. When I was young, my female friends wanted to bar hop and kiss boys and above all, talk about boys. That was fun for a short stretch, but then I turned my attention, like Allie and many ciswomen, to children, which kept me so busy that there wasn't much time nor desire for cultivating friendships. Now I'm old and a gardener and my female friends and I chat about our homes and gardens. It is not my experience that women my age want to talk about makeup or fashion and some transwomen like to talk about these things, so if you do, that might be off-putting for potential friends as they likely passed through that phase way back when.

Pose questions too. People like to talk about themselves, so set them up to do that.

--- End quote ---

Part of my issue is that I still have a lot of insecurity, especially because I'm still afraid of people not seeing me as female, of dealing with people who are nice to me while they gossip about me behind my back, and that I don't have the "right" interests.  I have no instinct nor interests in having a child or interacting with children (although I LOVE cats and dogs), my partner is transgender (thus not exactly relatable), I'm bisexual (but more towards being attracted to women) which I feel would make other women uneasy.  My interests are basically cities, architecture, video games, photography, tech, stuff that are generally male dominated and even though women do them, its a mystery to where I can even meet other women like that, let alone during the COVID age. 

I'm also very sensitive myself, which makes it hard for me to deal with <not allowed> and drama stirring.  I've also been burned a lot, especially by women (both cis and trans.)

Katelyn:

--- Quote from: Rakel on January 26, 2022, 06:16:18 am ---Katelyn,

Many times I have spoke of the need for self acceptance before doing anything with regards to dealing with our dysphorias. With self acceptance, we are secure in our own lives. We do not need approval from others.
--- End quote ---

My interests were originally in business and entrepreneurship, and it turns out (confirmed by at least two trans people) that it's heavily sexist, with white men in particular getting a lot more attention and interest than white women, let alone anyone who is not white.  In addition, much of it is still a boys club, with women being at a huge disadvantage to getting funding vs men (and funding is a HUGE factor in whether a company will survive or not), with one study showing that more than 90% of venture capital funding went to white men, with white women only getting 3%.  With one of the most crucial ways to get outside of the wage slavery of life essentially dictated largely by your gender, it makes it feel hard to feel like I would have to work much much harder than white men just to be able to get a fraction of the success at best.  A part of me doesn't want to accept that, doesn't want to accept essentially the handicaps of being a woman. 


--- Quote ---As for friends and relationships, this is a much too complex topic for me to comment on, except that I have noticed that friends seem to gravitate towards people with similar interests. Similar age's are another focal point. People seem to socialize within their generation, which I understand is because of their similar experiences growing up.
--- End quote ---

I'm close to 40 years old, ciswomen my age are busy with managing their family and I don't really have similar things to worry about.

Oldandcreaky:
Katelyn, if connecting with ciswomen matters to you, expand your interests to overlap theirs. Yes, female-to-female dynamics are complex. Are you funny? Humor helps. Are you kind and generous with your time? These traits also make you more attractive as a gal pal.

Chloe:

--- Quote from: Katelyn on January 25, 2022, 10:26:59 pm ---Is that one has to be able to fit in their target gender . . experiences with males (especially before I became in gender limbo back in 2007) was far more friendly.  Sometimes I wonder . .
--- End quote ---

Well der, if wantin' to attract guys "passing" def helps (but, au contraire, not necc 'post-op') . .

. . otherwise compete for/with women, as a woman? (lol speak 'to the hand', slap-happy TERF's 'bout that!)

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