Community Conversation > Male to female transsexual talk (MTF)

Am I overthinking this?

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Angélique LaCava:
Me and my husband always go to a cbd store and the owner always calls him sir, but the one time I go in there alone, he doesn't call me anything. I always felt that people don't say ma'am or sir when they aren't sure what gender you are.

I've been questioning myself lately because I've been having nightmares of people knowing I'm transgender. Ever since I got married, I don't go anywhere alone; which means  I don't have any validation as far as my passability goes since everyone just talks to my husband. When I have gone places alone which is once in a blue moon, no one calls me ma'am or even sir; they just say have a great day.

You need more data. Get out alone more. Lots more.

Rachel Montgomery:
As long as they are being polite and respectful, I would recommend not worrying about it.

I get that being called mam would be validating, but I am also well aware that some women are offended my being called mam.  I had a high school teacher that sent a kid to the office for responding “yes ma’am”.  It wasn’t the student’s attitude or anything.  The student was VERY confused (as was the rest of the class) because we were raised to say yes sir and I’m he’s ma’am.  But, this woman was new to our part of the country, and thought she was being insulted.  Since then, I don’t tend to ma’am women, because I don’t want to offend anyone.  Men never get upset about being called sir. 

I think a lot of people just don’t know what might offend someone else, and want to stay away from controversy.  That may be the case.  Your avatar certainly looks feminine.  You look really nice. 


--- Quote from: Rachel Montgomery on February 22, 2022, 08:29:38 pm --- But, this woman was new to our part of the country, and thought she was being insulted.

--- End quote ---

Years ago I remember in some TS circles being called "Miss" was being seen as young and attractive... and ma’am as old and not so attractive even if one passed.

But on topic I agree with Oldandcreaky . Get out a lot more alone... I don't post much here but have been around for several years  and I know you tend not to have a lot of self confidence when it comes to passing.  I suspect that is the real issue...

But getting out alone a good bit is the only way you can find out for sure ... though if you are self conscious and always looking over your shoulder or over analyzing everything it won't help, as that causes a tendency to misinterpret little things that have nothing to do with it.



I do not think that you are over thinking this at all. For many of us, it most important that others accept us as we see ourselves.

In the early days of my transition, I was ridiculed many times for not passing, even though I was only on hormones for just over one year. It hurts to be questioned in public.  :icon_cry:

Additional hormone therapy and FFS took care of much of my passing issues and today I never get misgendered.

Just take an objective look at your presentation or better yet, have a friend who you trust, be brutally honest and critique your appearance. Don't bother asking your husband. Husbands will only tell you what they think you want to hear.  ::)


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