Community Conversation > Male to female transsexual talk (MTF)

Do you feel that you should attend or belong at women-only events?

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sarahc:
I'm conflicted about going to these events for two reasons.

1) I recognize the privileges that I received having lived as a male for 45 years...that provided me easier access to certain opportunities than women. And I have not had to experience to disparaging behavior of many men. Therefore, I really don't understand the lived experience that many women have had.

2) Relatedly, if you show up and the women there know that you're trans, some of them are inevitably going to think that you don't below there.

Thoughts?

Sarah

Northern Star Girl:
@sarahc
Dear Sarah:
My answer in my full-time life as "Danielle" is a definite YES !!!

I know that you have read my blogs and you are aware that I have participated and attended (all women) Baby Showers, Cooking Clubs, Exercise groups, and Book Clubs.   
I also belong to a Gym-Gals group (yes... in the women's locker room with them too) and have attended other "all women" meetings and events.

Just about everyone in my town knows that I am a transgender woman and I have been warmly welcomed everywhere I go.   I have never been told that I don't belong.
I know that my situation is mine alone and obviously you will have to navigate your situations as you see fit.

Wishing you well as you reach out to other women.......
Danielle



--- Quote from: sarahc on March 03, 2022, 02:09:34 pm ---I'm conflicted about going to these events for two reasons.

1) I recognize the privileges that I received having lived as a male for 45 years...that provided me easier access to certain opportunities than women. And I have not had to experience to disparaging behavior of many men. Therefore, I really don't understand the lived experience that many women have had.

2) Relatedly, if you show up and the women there know that you're trans, some of them are inevitably going to think that you don't below there.

Thoughts?

Sarah

--- End quote ---

Allie Jayne:
Sarah, I am 20 years older than you and was brought up to believe that respect is earned, not just given. I am not passable, though most people accept me as how I present. I also know there is a level of female acceptance I will never earn, as I have not had the requisite experiences. Having said that, I have been invited to women only events throughout my life, even when presenting as male, as these women knew me.

So, I pick events I attend carefully, knowing that if nobody there knows me, I could feel rejected. I also only go to events I feel I can contribute to in some way, so if I felt my attendance might stifle conversation, or in other ways lessen the event, I would simply not attend. The women who know me and invite me to events, tell me I never dominate, and have a vulnerability which makes other women feel comfortable around me. So I attend events where there are women who already know me, and they ‘vouch’ for me to the other women, to give them the opportunity to also get to know me.

30 years ago I was a male single parent, but regularly invited to attend a mother’s club. Those women knew me, and trusted me to look after their children, and on a few occasions allowed me to participate in discussions they admitted they would never hold in front of a man. I was invited, along with the other Mum’s, to attend a jewellery party, but I declined as I felt I would make others there less comfortable, and the woman who invited me said she forgot I was a man! These days I would go to such parties, but I am still wary of events where nobody knows me.

Hugs,

Allie

Oldandcreaky:
I wouldn't want to be where I'm not wanted and wouldn't push into an event to prove a point or to earn that merit badge. I studied group dynamics in graduate school. What I learned and witnessed about groups has me group-shy anyway. Give me a cozy one-to-one tete-a-tete any day over the melee that many groups can be.

Northern Star Girl:

--- Quote from: Oldandcreaky on March 03, 2022, 04:47:22 pm ---I wouldn't want to be where I'm not wanted and wouldn't push into an event to prove a point or to earn that merit badge. I studied group dynamics in graduate school. What I learned and witnessed about groups has me group-shy anyway. Give me a cozy one-to-one tete-a-tete any day over the melee that many groups can be.

--- End quote ---
@Oldandcreaky
Dear O&C:
While I fully understand and agree with you regarding not being where one is not wanted and to also not prove a point regarding one's gender status..... it may be best to not throw out the baby with the bath water.

Groups are not all bad, on the flip-side groups can offer gratifying support and camaraderie and in an all-women's group wonderful friendships and fellowship in a "sisterhood" of sorts.   
While I certainly enjoy one-on-one adventures, going out shopping, eating dinner, exercising, club activities, etc ..... doing these things in an accepting group can be fun and very much enjoyable...  plus there is always safety in numbers when out and about with good gal friends.

Again, O&C, I fully understand where you are coming from, we all have to make these kinds of personal choices based on how we are accepted and how we interact with others that are also making decisions about how to interact with me and others.   There is no one-size-fits-all scenario with these things.

Thank you for sharing your viewpoint.
HUGS,
Danielle

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