Topic: Passing privilege and changed perception

[ronniekylie90]

So, just wanted to talk about this, for those who get to pass, have you ever experienced a change perception of you when they find out you are trans? like once you tell them, and they didn't know. did you notice a change?

It happened a few times where a guy would change the perception after meeting me, particularly this happens with people that maybe approach me in public, and then at some point, you gonna have to clarify.

cos maybe they know, but probably they don't?

It gives me major anxiety because of some not so good experiences, and it's so frustrating when they treat you a certain way and then it changes once you tell them the word "TRANS".

There was a guy who did the moving for me, and he wanted to take me out for coffee and we texted me a few times, being very nice overall (also telling me how beautiful I am etc), and pursued me that way, but because of the bad experiences. I just let things fizzle out because I didn't fancy go through that again.

Also, how do you deal with situations like this?

[Jessica_K]

I guess I remain private, I never tell anyone anything about me gender wise. If I pass, all well and good, else it does not matter. So I have never had a situation like that. People that knew me before I transitioned never flinched and I am as welcome now as I ever. I think I have been very lucky.

Jessica xxx

[Lady Sarah]

I have had that happen, where someone wanted to be romantically involved. In cases when I knew they would get brutal if they found out I was trans,  I kind of backed away and let them find someone else. In other cases, I told them and got friend-zoned, and they gradually ghosted out of my life.

It's nice to not have to worry about that anymore.

[ronniekylie90]

I have had that happen, where someone wanted to be romantically involved. In cases when I knew they would get brutal if they found out I was trans,  I kind of backed away and let them find someone else. In other cases, I told them and got friend-zoned, and they gradually ghosted out of my life.

It's nice to not have to worry about that anymore.

that's my point tho, some people change the perception once you tell them ... if they liked you and then they started to friend zone you and ghost out of ur life.

I mean, maybe better.. but it is sad, how one word/concept can change someone's perspective on you

[Rakel]

that's my point tho, some people change the perception once you tell them ... if they liked you and then they started to friend zone you and ghost out of ur life.

I mean, maybe better.. but it is sad, how one word/concept can change someone's perspective on you

This is the most common issue post op trans women have. Not everyone can or will accept us for an intimate relationship. I am out to family and friends, but to almost everyone else, my medical history is not their concern.

I have been approached many times, but I always mention my age before anything else and that alone seems to stop men in their tracks. They just cannot believe that I am 72 years old. Most say that I'm much younger, at least 20 years or more. I give credit to hormone therapy for this.

I have never got to the point where I need to discuss my medical history, but if I ever do, then I will be completely honest and in a place that will be safe for me, just in case something goes wrong. It is sad that many men are like this, but I view this as just one more item of the things I must deal with. Actually, I am fine with this. It is better to know before you get involved than after a relationship has started. 

[ronniekylie90]

This is the most common issue post op trans women have. Not everyone can or will accept us for an intimate relationship. I am out to family and friends, but to almost everyone else, my medical history is not their concern.

I have been approached many times, but I always mention my age before anything else and that alone seems to stop men in their tracks. They just cannot believe that I am 72 years old. Most say that I'm much younger, at least 20 years or more. I give credit to hormone therapy for this.

I have never got to the point where I need to discuss my medical history, but if I ever do, then I will be completely honest and in a place that will be safe for me, just in case something goes wrong. It is sad that many men are like this, but I view this as just one more item of the things I must deal with. Actually, I am fine with this. It is better to know before you get involved than after a relationship has started. 

Totally, I think it's best to be honest because when being with somebody, it has to come out eventually. and it's better it comes out from us and not like the day before the wedding lol

but I do find it very sad, that unfortunately that stigma exists, and I think a lot of people, especially pursuers, might do a 180 and change their attitude completely because they find out this piece of info.

I don't know , also I feel if they know upfront before even knowing you (say like, from an app), they will treat you different than if they didn't and assume you were cis.
I found this to be common too

[big kim]

I don't pass but am generally accepted or left alone. I'm an introvert with social anxiety so dating is extremely difficult. The only guys interested in me are the pervy ones who want me to be their dirty secret & are too ashamed to be seen with me.I have even less success with women!