Topic: I dress like the stereotypical housewife

[Marli]

It seems to me that so many complain about not "passing" in public. I think I know why.

I learned many years ago that the key to passing is to not draw attention to oneself. So many transwomen want to dress like a cisgendered male's perception of an attractive or sexy woman. That is short dress or skirt, garter belt, nylons, stilettos, and the list goes on.

For myself, I've always dressed like everyone else. If the cis women are wearing jeans and t-shirts, then I do. If they're wearing knee-length dresses, then I do. I've always appeared to fit in everywhere including the restroom.

I equate it to "dress for success, not for imagination". Am I wrong in my approach? My voice is still pitchy and that's an issue 

[ChrissyRyan]

It seems to me that so many complain about not "passing" in public. I think I know why.

I learned many years ago that the key to passing is to not draw attention to oneself. So many transwomen want to dress like a cisgendered male's perception of an attractive or sexy woman. That is short dress or skirt, garter belt, nylons, stilettos, and the list goes on.

For myself, I've always dressed like everyone else. If the cis women are wearing jeans and t-shirts, then I do. If they're wearing knee-length dresses, then I do. I've always appeared to fit in everywhere including the restroom.

I equate it to "dress for success, not for imagination". Am I wrong in my approach? My voice is still pitchy and that's an issue 

@Marli

Your approach makes sense to me.  Blending in with others by definition does not make you stand out among others.  As an extreme example, if one wears a bikini and walks around the airport that would attract more scrutiny than being dressed more like the others in that scenario.  Not as much so on the beach.

I tend to dress conservatively because I feel comfortable with that.

Chrissy

[Northern Star Girl]

@Marli  @ChrissyRyan

Yes indeed... very correct.

Not drawing attention to yourself is a good plan, especially when first coming out and eventually starting to live Full-Time.

Dress respectfully and conservatively, speak words and move, walk and sit appropriately as a woman....
Casual dress is a good start...   it is best to "fly under the radar"

When going out and about, shopping or other activities, it may be best, if you can, to be among and with one or two or more of your supportive and accepting friends...  safety in numbers.

Danielle

[TXSara]

Totally agreed.  If you REALLY need to get all glammed up (and I do from time to time  ), then go get tickets to a musical or something where all of the other women will be dressed nice and you won't stick out.  A ritzy restaurant can do the trick as well.

Most of the time when I'm going out and I am NOT going to a nice restaurant or something, I'm in jeans and a T-shirt and my cute little Converse sneakers.  Nobody bats an eye.

The funny thing is that I have a lot of Pinterest ideas that pop up for me, and the thing that keeps coming up for me is "cool teacher outfits"  .  Just about every woman in my family is a teacher, so it makes sense I guess.

~Sara

[ronniekylie90]

It seems to me that so many complain about not "passing" in public. I think I know why.

I learned many years ago that the key to passing is to not draw attention to oneself. So many transwomen want to dress like a cisgendered male's perception of an attractive or sexy woman. That is short dress or skirt, garter belt, nylons, stilettos, and the list goes on.

For myself, I've always dressed like everyone else. If the cis women are wearing jeans and t-shirts, then I do. If they're wearing knee-length dresses, then I do. I've always appeared to fit in everywhere including the restroom.

I equate it to "dress for success, not for imagination". Am I wrong in my approach? My voice is still pitchy and that's an issue 

I agree, tho I have to say that my style is more of a late teen as I still look early 20s. (im 31)

I feel myself wearing a lot of cropped cardigans, trendy jeans, etc.
but definitely am seeing myself daring a bit here and there, without going too over to top. and always assessing wearing things for the right occasion. that's very important

[big kim]

I dress like a birdwatching spinster because I am! No makeup, grey hair in a braid, Dr Martins, hiking pants, t shirts, flannel shirts & fleece. I kind of blend in despite being 6'1 & 1/2" & 240ish pounds.

[JulesMaid]

Who doesn’t?  I like being the maid. 🧚🏼‍♀️

[Lyric]

So many transwomen want to dress like a cisgendered male's perception of an attractive or sexy woman. That is short dress or skirt, garter belt, nylons, stilettos, and the list goes on.

Yes, a painful reality that's long been apparent to me is that most crossdressers don't dress like women. They dress like crossdressers. These days the mini skirt, fishnets, and stiletto look is almost exclusively a male drag thing, but amazingly you see serious transwomen starting out that way, as well. If wearing fishnets and animal prints flip your switch, by all means do it, but if you want to fit into a feminine role in the world, it's best dress in the manner of others around you.

[Harley Quinn]

I think it's less about dressing "to not attract attention," and more about dressing for your body type.  Clothes that flatter will always reap better results in the "passing" game.  Properly fitted clothing for your body type, in colors that flatter is all that matters (ie Harmony in Dress).  I wear 40s/50s attire almost exclusively...  I get plenty of attention, but when the clothes fit you well and you carry yourself with confidence its just "Wow, she looks AMAZING."  I get the same reactions with blue jeans and a black t-shirt, or a wiggle dress... or a full on swing dress with petticoat...  even works with tailored slacks and a basic collared blouse.

Despite what women would have you believe, there's a lot of thought going into what makes their no makeup loungewear look effortless yet flattering.  The part that is overlooked is that they have developed their eye to spot their flattering cut/fit at a glance over decades.  Like in surgery, in tailoring millimeters are miles.

Drag is more about making your body fit the clothes for a performance.  Cross-dressing is about wearing the clothes because it makes them feel good.  Passing is all about fitting the clothes to flatter your body.  3 very different goals. 

Blending and Passing are also very different ideas.  Blending is camouflage to hide in plain sight, Passing is about being yourself in daily life and nobody questioning your gender.  You should always dress how you want to see yourself, otherwise what was the point?  For me, my style is 1940s and 1950s.  And pulling it off successfully is all about Harmony in Dress.

[barbie]

Passing is mostly meaningless in my daily life, but I do care for strangers in public when I travel.

Some women do wear high heels, and so do I. More people watch me when I wear high heels. People, especially women, tend to become more friendly and kind to me.

A few days ago, in a pubic restroom at a subway station, the cleansing woman there called me behind, and I was a little bit surprised as I worried whether I did something wrong. She  pointed to the toilet paper holder, saying that I need to take it, as there is no paper in each booth. I was to pee, and wondered why she was so excessively kind to me.

   

Any way, it is funny and enjoyable to sometimes wear high heels. I mostly wear high heels when I teach in the class room, or present in meetings.

   

(BTW, it suddenly became possible that I may appear on the New York Times in 2 years. If interested, you may Google translate to know why: http://www.hdhy.co.kr/news/articleView.html?idxno=16937  )

Cheers,

barbie~~