Community Conversation > Transitioning

Im stuck

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Nora Kay:
I'm stuck. I don't know why. I send in for info on hair transplants and I don't get back to them. I consult a plastic surgeon and I don't answer their calls. I want to go get my nails done and I don't go. And I have gone to the salon and had my french Mani and Pedi done too many times to count. I sent emails to electrologists and if I don't get an answer i just let it go and don't pursue it. My dermatologist is super nice and I am out to them(kind of hard not to be when you are sitting there in just shorts and a bra) and he does laser and I don't ask. And do not tell me to talk to my therapist. That goes without saying. Its not like I am scared of people knowing I am trans. I don't care. I actually rather be out to everybody. I mean my across the street neighbor needed her spare tire put on her car and me in a pair of Capri's and a T shirt and sandals I grabbed the Jack and cordless impact wrench and did it for her. I don't know if its what i feel my wife's reaction is going to be or if I am just plain lazy. We are in a good place about my transition. I do have a phone anxiety but its not that bad. Right now it possibly could be a little bit of depression stemming from me calling the dentist and getting the process going for my new teeth and then getting in a fight with my wife over the cost. She works. I do not. I am disabled. her Money not mine. Just took my happiness down a big notch and thru me into a deep depression hoping I would not wake up in the morning.

I don't know.

I feel better today but every time I get into a slightly happy place with my transition and my life my wife just says something to kill my happiness.

I love her more than anything, but it is showing more and more the minuscule amount of things we have in common.
UGH!!!

Sephirah:
Nora, I think you answered your own question, sweetie.

You're not stuck, you're just afraid of moving forward.


--- Quote ---I feel better today but every time I get into a slightly happy place with my transition and my life my wife just says something to kill my happiness.
--- End quote ---

This is why.

Subconsciously you don't want this. So you don't do anything that could cause your wife to say something to drag you down. You don't need to talk to a therapist to see that, hon. It's blatantly clear from your post.

You feel deep down like you're dependant on her, and like she makes you feel bad when you do things she's not happy with. So you don't do things because you don't want to have the possibility of an argument. I think partly because feeling that way makes you feel bad and erodes your self esteem. It gives a little more volume to the voice inside that says negative stuff to you.

If I can be honest, Nora. It feels to me like your wife is controlling you, whether either of you realise it or not. Because of your respective situations. And that's not a healthy place to be.

Have you thought about just sitting down one evening and talking about this? Rather than just avoiding it and following an endless cycle? Maybe she doesn't realise it. Or maybe you just need to put out there how it makes you feel. Communication should always be the first step, okay?

*big hugs*

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