Community Conversation > Transgender talk

How to respond if a stranger asks if you are Trans?

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Miss Kitty:
Hello every one,

I have a question to ask that I am sure has been on here before but I thought I would share what happened to me recently.

So I have been living happily as a full time woman for years now and I am lucky to not have been misgendered or suffered discrimination  in about 3 years (all since I had multiple surgeries). But in the last 2 weeks at work I have had 2 different people ask me out of the blue about me being Trans.

Since I haven't been treated any different in such a long time they both threw me totally off guard. I work as a Cab Driver and a client told me her long story about her ex boyfriend who transitioned but they broke up over domestic abuse problems. She politely asked if I was a transsexual and then explained she only worked it out because she has been around so many Trans people. That didn't really bother me because of the way she went about it and the two of us are now friends.

Only a week or so later, an elderly lady gets into my Taxi, without even saying hello asks "are you gay?" when I said no, she basically demanded that I answer her question as to whether I was a "gay man" or not.

This time I was so totally off guard I didn't know what to do. I just sat there awkwardly in silence and drove her to her destination. Since I suffer with Borderline Personality Disorder my anxiety and imagination both told me this is going to happen constantly. Customers are going to get in and just demand my medical history and life story (as I said that hasn't happened in 3 years and now it suddenly happens twice).

I have spent the last two days hiding in my room trying not to cry. I have been chain smoking and eat junk food, for the first time in years I had had suicidal ideations. 

I know you probably think I am making a big deal over nothing, what worries me is I recently recovered my chin, jaw and Adams apple reduction. I almost feel like its the surgery that has caused this to happen (which probably isn't true since I feel that I look more feminine, but again, my personality disorder causes my imagination to run wild).

Has any one had a similar issue where someone who is unacquainted asked a question and thrown you off guard? I don't mean in a medical or professional setting, but one where it is really inappropriate?

I would love to unleash some really good come backs (I used to work as a Drag Queen so I know plenty) but sadly in my workplace I could probably get fired if I said some nasty things to an Eldery Woman.

Does any one have an advice if I am unlucky enough to run into an issue again like this?

MaryXYX:
I think someone would only ask if you were trans if they were pretty sure you are, so that limits your options.  I haven't had this but I would like to reply "I'm a woman, and you are not my doctor so you don't need to know my medical history".

Meghan:
Recently one lady at work ask me whether I'm transgender because she seen my breasts. I told her I 'm in middle of transition for seven years. Since we've other transgender at work, she wants to know how to address my pronounce.

Sent from my SM-T727V using Tapatalk

Jessica_Rose:
I no longer consider myself transgender, although medically I always will be. To me, 'trans' is an in-between state. I presented as a male for over 50 years. For a few years during my transition I was transgender, I was 'in between'. I've been full time Jessica over four years now. At some point I realized I was done transitioning, I am now a woman.

Whether or not you decide to disclose your history is a personal choice. Unless there is a compelling reason to tell someone, my answer would be 'no'. In most public situations, that would typically be the safest choice. There is no reason to make yourself a potential target. There are some situations where I would disclose my past, but only if it would serve a good purpose.

If a stranger who I would probably never meet again asks, I would reply 'Oh my goodness, no.' If a relationship eventually develops and you feel safe, you can always apologize later for being misleading. Our health and safety should always come first.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

SarahEL:
I tend to agree with Jessica.. my answer would be no, I am a woman.
You get misgendered as a woman anyway.. it happens. I got very upset because someone (a scammer on the phone) called me sir.. my voice is very passable, it is not squeeky high, but it is very female.. I have no issue normally talking on the phone (or anywhere).. but this guy insisted on calling me sir.. and when I pulled him up about it.. he went on about how I don't sound like a woman.. That really upset me and knocked my confidence. Talking to a cis-female friend of mine.. she said 'oh my gosh, me too, happens all the time'... she then told me what she says.. it involves  a few choice words..
I know it is easy to say, and a lot harder to do.. but be you. big hugs coming your way

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