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Am I really doing this...

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Dear Jenny,

I had the same doubts that you are expressing now. I tried suppressing my transgender feelings for over 50 years, but those feelings never went away and, in fact, just got stronger as time went on.

Each of us must make our own decision. We must decide what is right for ourself. Nobody can do this for us. Transition is not to be taken lightly. It is a serious undertaking. Transition costs a lot in terms of money, surgical pain and recovery, as well as the social concerns. Who will accept us after transition? How will we continue to provide for ourselves after transition? Will I be happier after transition than I am now? The doubts go on and on. Then we get to a point of go or no go. That is when we make a decision.

The decision is yours to make. Take care.  :-*

Allison R:
Hi Jenny and welcome. You have come to the right place. I am in my 50's and only figured this out about myself at the first of the year. If it weren't for Susan's I am sure my head would have exploded. There are some very wonderful, helpful, and knowledgeable people here. Please don't be shy about using this resource.

Again, welcome.


Allie Jayne:
Hi Jenny! Trans people have a slightly differently developed brain from birth, and nothing we can do can change that. We have uncomfortable feelings which vary from 'somethings not right ' to irresistible urges, and it can take over our lives. Your story is very familiar to many of us who struggled to figure out where we were at for many years. The uncomfortable feeling is dysphoria, and it is created by our gender identity not being congruent with our assigned sex. Doing something towards realising our gender identity, like crossdressing, reduces our dysphoria for a time, so we can 'manage' our dysphoria for some time, but the only way to permanently reduce it is to make permanent moves to become congruent.

If you think you fit this pattern, you know it's not going away any time soon. So you will need to figure out how to go forward within your circumstances. Now, this can all be pretty stressful, so the support of a psychologist can be helpful, and if you see a gender experienced therapist, they can eliminate other causes for your feelings. You do have options going forward, but doing nothing can be a threat to your health and even your life.

Being in a relationship does complicate things, as your challenges are also shared with your loved ones, and their needs must also be considered. I would urge you to include your partner in everything you do, as it affects them too, and doing things without them will destroy the trust you both need. Of course, you need to weigh all this up with the rest of your environment, and figure out how to go forward, but make sure you go forward!  There is a great video titled Sex and Sensibility which will explain a great deal to you and your partner!



I love the support so far!

I typed it up and posted, and went to bed and when I woke up I almost thought I had just dreamed this up. Glad to wake up and realize I had not.

I take comfort in knowing there are others with similar experiences, it means a lot that it's not merely another therapist telling me (and yes, I was told in my late teens that I likely had dysphoria, but i figured I could control it....oops).




Hello and welcome to the community!  I've found that while everyone's story is unique, there are a lot of common situations and challenges that we all go through.  I hope that you can find helpful articles here as you continue to explore your post-"click" self!




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