Author Topic: Internal dilemmas, alternatives for trans guys?  (Read 785 times)

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Offline jamie-lee

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Internal dilemmas, alternatives for trans guys?
« on: May 24, 2022, 11:50:11 am »
My problem might be stupid but here we go...

None of the popular transition options sit right with me. I'm looking for some alternatives to feel better about myself.

Usually, if people talk about FtM medical transition, it consists of: HRT, top surgery, hysterectomy, bottom surgery. I don't feel good about taking hormones and my body changing in some not entirely predictable ways becasue of them. I also have issues with hormones, I have to take medicines and the wrong medicines or an untreated illness take a serious toll on me, any small mistake would come with a heavy price. I don't think top surgery would make me any happier either, I just don't experience chest dysphoria, it happens once in a blue moon and I wouldn't feel like it matters to me to have a flat chest. Hysterectomy doesn't come into question because I want to have children in the future and because removing ovaries would cause me serious health problems (I tried birth control hormones in the course of treatment and it gives me serious issues). I used to feel like metoidoplasty would make me feel better, but now that I have some sexual experience, I don't think it would change anything and can cause potential damage, which is a problem for me, because I'm not even close to asexual.

From the effects of T, I think I could enjoy the lower voice, but I'm not sure if I would feel fine with not ever having my original voice again. I would for sure enjoy the larger clitoris, no question. But again, I'm not sure if I would feel fine with it not being what I originally had, if I wouldn't feel like a fraud. It wouldn't even look like a penis, just like fake intersex genitalia. I'm not even sure if I want them any bigger, if a medical procedure would do, I have to say that they can already bother me, when the foreskin slides off by accident. I'm just not sure if the experience would be any different (my clitoris already has a lot of exposure), they would just look different and the look they would get is intersex.

But to the point. I don't feel good about not having any steps of the medical sort in my transition. I would be happy to just do something. For MtF, there seem to be many possible options. I can't even find anything on the internet about options for trans guys. Especially not the full face surgery or silhouette modelling (I'm thin, no sense doing anything). I would want my transition to consist of something in order to feel good about myself. But I don't even have any point to grab that would make any sense, without more potential for regret than for feeling happier. I don't know, I just feel like a regular, unaltered woman because of that. I don't like that my body is some *objective female*. Like nothing really sets me apart from a regular woman.

If you've read the whole post and decide to reply, thank you for your patience.

Geez, this is so exhausting. I felt the same way a couple of times. I didn't have a reason to come out either and it felt so bad. I didn't have anything to grab. I didn't "mind" anything, hence I couldn't relate to trans folks and didn't have a reason to come out or a way to explain what I'm feeling or coming out with... It's the same thing. I don't really have a problem with anything in particular, but... nothing is right either? How the hell am I supposed to fox it?

Offline Maid Marion

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Re: Internal dilemmas, alternatives for trans guys?
« Reply #1 on: May 24, 2022, 12:00:02 pm »
Maybe you need to set some long term goals.  Where/what would you eventually like to do with your life after transition?
What will help you get there?

In my case, being short and petite, presenting female has made it way easier to socialize and buy clothes that fit properly.  Standards for men and women are much different.  My thin waist and youthful appearance are more obvious in female clothes.

Marion

Offline JamieH

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Re: Internal dilemmas, alternatives for trans guys?
« Reply #2 on: May 24, 2022, 12:05:37 pm »
Maybe your identity is more genderfluid/nonbinary than "trans man"?  Maybe a very low starting dose of T to see how it feels could provide a bit of clarity.  Fear and apprehension about significant and permanent changes is pretty common, but best to resolve those fears before doing anything drastic. 

I like Marion's advice....goals....In 10 years do you see yourself as a man, fully?  Or do you see yourself mostly as you appear now, but perhaps with some slight changes combined with social transition? 

Certainly not a stupid problem.  Do you have a therapist that you're discussing this stuff with?  I would never advise anyone take any medical steps without fully working out all the mental stuff with a qualified therapist first. 

In the meantime, social transition and adopting more masculine gender expression (clothes, mannerisms, hobbies etc) may give you a confidence boost.
« Last Edit: May 24, 2022, 01:08:57 pm by JamieH »

Offline Devlyn

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Re: Internal dilemmas, alternatives for trans guys?
« Reply #3 on: May 24, 2022, 12:14:29 pm »
I'm going to third the goals sentiment. The  first thing most therapists ask is "What is your goal?" Are you seeing a therapist? They can help sort your thoughts out.

Dr Wittenberg at Mozaic Care offers nontraditional surgery options for transgender people, they might be able to offer you a treatment plan that you would find acceptable.

https://www.mozaiccare.net/

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Offline jamie-lee

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Re: Internal dilemmas, alternatives for trans guys?
« Reply #4 on: May 24, 2022, 12:28:43 pm »
I pass as a man and live as a man. I just feel bad about my body being XX at this point.

Offline Rakel

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Re: Internal dilemmas, alternatives for trans guys?
« Reply #5 on: May 24, 2022, 09:41:15 pm »
jamie-lee,

While I have the exact opposite issue that you have. I also feel bad that my chromosomes do not match my mental self image. I cannot change that, so I have to live with that part of me that will never be as I wish. However, life goes on.

The dysphorias we feel can be overwhelming at times. We just have to deal with our own issues. For myself, the first thing I did was to accept myself as I was, then change the things I needed to change, if possible. While I cannot get rid of my pesky Y chromosome, modern medicine has allowed me to live as close to my mental self image as it is now possible. I can live with this and for me, life is definitely worth living.

Since you expressed a desire to have your own children some day, I highly urge caution when considering the use of  any hormone therapy. Sometimes some unusual effects are passed on to the next generation. Be careful.  :-\




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Offline jamie-lee

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Re: Internal dilemmas, alternatives for trans guys?
« Reply #6 on: May 26, 2022, 10:14:18 am »
Ok. Phew. Time for a longer reply :)

This is a good question about long term goals in the perspective of 10 years or so. It got me thinking and I haven't reached many answers that make sense so far.

For sure presenting as a guy makes it easier forme to socialise, people finally get me and I think I like the way men socialise with each other and how women don't do the same things around men as around women. Men's clothes also fit better  ;D But then again, I've been living as a guy for a couple of years now.

Actually it would be a good idea to start with a *very low* dose if at all. When people say low dose they mean like half the dose, very low dose makes me think 1/10 or 1/5. This is a good idea. (Obviosly not during pregnancy)

I tried to go to a number of therapists specialising in gender issues, but it doesn't work for me.

Dr Wittenberg at Mozaic Care offers nontraditional surgery options for transgender people, they might be able to offer you a treatment plan that you would find acceptable.

https://www.mozaiccare.net/

Hugs, Devlyn
Thank you for the link, Devlyn :)

I feel less overwhelmed today, luckily. Thank you everyone for reassurance.

I did an awful lot of voice exercising yesterday. It works really well, but I haven't gotten into the habit of using a lower voice yet. It doesn't get talked a lot in the FtM direction, but it can work. I don't know if it would work for everyone, my voice has always been low for a female.

Offline Rakel

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Re: Internal dilemmas, alternatives for trans guys?
« Reply #7 on: May 26, 2022, 06:35:27 pm »
Actually it would be a good idea to start with a *very low* dose if at all. When people say low dose they mean like half the dose, very low dose makes me think 1/10 or 1/5. This is a good idea. (Obviosly not during pregnancy)

Dear Jamie-lee,

Please take a look at Terms of Service # 8. Susans Place does NOT allow discussions of hormone dosing. The reasons for this is in TOS # 8.

We do discuss hormone blood levels.

Typical female Testosterone blood levels are 15 to 70 ng/dl for women older than age 19. For men of the same age the blood levels range from 265-923 ng/dl.

What you really need to do is see an Endocrinologist and discuss your goals with that doctor. They first need to take your own natural Testosterone blood levels and go from there. If your doctor prescribes a dose that will get you above your natural blood level but below 70 ng/dl, it may get you where you need to be and I would expect very little in terms of harming any unborn children.

If you are in the normal male range, then expect dramatic changes in just a few short years. Of course, the higher your blood levels, the more you will expect masculinizing effects. It all depends on your goals which will give your doctor a good idea of what your dose should be.

Determining a dose that is a little bit, but not too much is a very tricky thing to do and most certainly anyone who gives you dose information without a medical exam is playing with your life. See a good doctor and do this properly.

Take care.  :-*






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Offline Sophiaprincess2019

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Re: Internal dilemmas, alternatives for trans guys?
« Reply #8 on: May 28, 2022, 11:38:34 am »
Jamie-Lee,

From what I gathered reading your initial post 2 main points stand out: Feeling better about yourself and, secondarily, what your gender identity might be.
First and foremost never use transition as a means of making yourself feel better unless being biologically female is the root cause of that internal tension AND no other options exist otherwise.

I’m not a proponent of transition and never advise anyone ever take this route unless no other viable options to exist are attainable. A good therapist could probably help you explore some potential options about self esteem and if gender plays a role. Your post presents 2 different areas that you might want to explore in order to determine what may be causing you to not be okay.

Sometimes our gender identity is the heart of the matter and, once all other options are off the table, transition could possibly be a solution if, in fact, gender identity is the “ problem “. Often times there are many contributing factors that make someone unhappy with who they are, gender sometimes being one of them.

It’s good you’re asking questions, it shows you are genuinely concerned about your well-being and that is what this is all about. Keep in mind no amount of changing sides will, in itself, be the sole reason someone is okay and content with themselves.

Gender transition should NEVER be taken lightly. It involves every aspect of life. It will impact your physical health and play a major role in what position you take up as either man or woman in society. Your friends and family will be affected in many ways, some good, some bad. In the end it’s you that needs to be okay and happy whatever sex/gender you are or will become.

People on this site will always be there to support and encourage you to live your most authentic life, including me, and I don’t even know you :D

Sophia

1968 Assigned male at birth with feminine mannerisms
1978 Dolls and dresses
1988 Experimental stage, limited makeup and clothes
1998 Denial continues, unsuccessfully tried living as a man
12-8-2018 time for a change....
2-21-2019 Started HRT
2-21-2020 One year HRT
2-21-2021 Two years HRT

Offline Maid Marion

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Re: Internal dilemmas, alternatives for trans guys?
« Reply #9 on: May 28, 2022, 12:50:50 pm »
What you may be running into is that men and women are judged according to two different sets of standards.  Women are judged on appearance, which means that cosmetic surgery on women is a big industry.  Not so much for men.  Height is a huge factor for men.  As is wealth and power. Or, in more practical terms, having a steady high paying job.  It may be that you are looking for an analog in the men's world that doesn't really exist.

Offline Rachel

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Re: Internal dilemmas, alternatives for trans guys?
« Reply #10 on: May 30, 2022, 04:26:52 pm »
Hi, before taking any HRT please discuss the ramifications with a doctor that will know about how it will effect your reproductive system.

There is a trans man group where I live. I never went to it as I am MTF.

HTR, expressing and surgeries changed my life. I am seen as female and pass. If it was not the correct coarse of action there is no going back, so make sure whatever you do it is right for you. For me it was the correct coarse of action.

I was waiting for group to start one day. We would all be early and talk. It was better than group. There was a woman who was detransitioning. Not because she was not trans but because she could not take the discrimination. She looked really good and passed but the loss of family and how she was seen by guys was too much for her.

There is a lot more to transitioning than HRT.

You may consider a therapist that you click with. One that can show you where to go to see and hear other trans men and their common issues.

Good luck,
Rachel

MTF in need of help link https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,133631.1980.html
MTF in need of help 2 link https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,251825.0.html
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Hair Grafts 3-20-2017 - Cooley
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Dr. Thomas FemLar 10/13/2020
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