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MacyG:
I am instantly regretting my username. Seeing all the proper and pleasant names here makes me think I was a touch too clever in coming up with something. But seriously--I need to put a limit on the credit card or I will buy all the bodysuits.

So much to unpack, say, and ask but as this is just an introduction so I'll try to keep focused. I am AMAB, standing on the precipice of 40 years.

I am 100% in the closet. I just came out to myself a few weeks ago. As I stood in my hotel room on a work trip with large purchases of skirts, bodysuits (of course), breast forms, hip pads, and makeup (which I knew I was going to purge at the end of the trip) -- the rational side of my brain finally worked up the courage to shout at my denial "HOW IS THIS EVEN A DEBATE?!?"

So I've started "doing the work" to try to understand "this": books, journaling, reflection, and --of course-- joining this site. My goals at this point are just to:

1. Make peace with myself -- along with taking whatever transition actions are required to do that.
2. Finally be fully honest with my wife -- some combination of understanding what this is and courage on my part is going to be required to get there.
3. Figure out what part of my personality are just inauthentic survival mechanisms, and discard those (I'm not that old--but I'm too old for that).

I'll be around the Transgender, Cross dresser, Military Veterans, Transsexual, and Transitioning Boards. Looking forward to having someones to bounce things off of on this journey.

 :icon_tetter:

-BSQ
(guess I might as well own it now...)

CaelaNotKayla:
BSQ-

Welcome to the community.  While we all have different paths in our lives, I've found kind words and thoughts here to help me through my own trials.  Congratulations on your first steps towards finding your authentic self.

Hugs!!

Caela

Margrit:
Hi BodysuitQueen

Welcome to the forums.

Regarding your thoughts about the choice of your name, I recommend that you contact an Administrator/Moderator.
They are all extremely helpful in every matter.  :)
As you may be already found out, PM can only be written after 15 posts, so here are the mails:

devlynmarie@susans.org (Administrator)
rakel@susans.org (Moderator)
northernstargirl@susans.org (Moderator)
Jessica_Rose@susans.org (Moderator)

Best wishes
Margrit

PS:
If someone does not feel comfortable with seeing their mail in the post, please feel free to modified it.
I am absolutely ok with that action.

Jessica_Rose:
Hello @BodysuitQueen ! Welcome to Susan's Place and the Forums!

I don't want to hijack this thread, but I noticed this is your very first post at Susan's Place! We hope you will find this a safe and friendly place to share information and read about the experiences of others. Susan's Place can be an amazing resource for advice, support, and sympathetic friends. Please feel free to comment on posts, ask questions, or share parts of your life. Some of our members even create their own blogs to document their journeys.
   
We suggest that you read through our rules and other Terms of Service (TOS). Please review the links at the end of this message. The links include information which will help you navigate the site and use the available features.  

Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Once you reach 15 posts you will be able to send and reply to private messages, until then if you have any questions about the Susan's Place site and the Forums, please feel free to contact me via email at Jessica_Rose@susans.org

If you really want to change you member name, just let us know and we'll be happy to take care of it for you!

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

Jessica
Global Moderator

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
 
Things that you should readSite Terms of Service & Rules to Live ByStandard Terms & DefinitionsPost Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)Cautionary NoteReputation rulesNews posting & quoting guidelinesPhoto, avatars, & signature images policyMembership Agreement

TXSara:

--- Quote from: BodysuitQueen on June 11, 2022, 09:17:43 am ---I am instantly regretting my username. Seeing all the proper and pleasant names here makes me think I was a touch too clever in coming up with something. But seriously--I need to put a limit on the credit card or I will buy all the bodysuits.

--- End quote ---

LOL.  We can sometimes be a little "too cute" at times.  Admittedly, I almost didn't click on this thread because I figured it would be centered around "fetishy" things.  Not that there's anything wrong with that -- I have loads of friends in the crossdresser community who don't really identify as female but get a big sexual kick out of dressing.  They are wonderful human beings and I'm glad to call them friends.  I just don't have much advice for them because we have a little bit different motivation.


--- Quote from: BodysuitQueen on June 11, 2022, 09:17:43 am ---I am 100% in the closet. I just came out to myself a few weeks ago. As I stood in my hotel room on a work trip with large purchases of skirts, bodysuits (of course), breast forms, hip pads, and makeup (which I knew I was going to purge at the end of the trip) -- the rational side of my brain finally worked up the courage to shout at my denial "HOW IS THIS EVEN A DEBATE?!?"

--- End quote ---

Wowweee!  That's one heck of a purge, sister.  Are you sure you want to do that?  You can always mail that stuff back if you're concerned about prying eyes at the airport.


--- Quote from: BodysuitQueen on June 11, 2022, 09:17:43 am ---So I've started "doing the work" to try to understand "this": books, journaling, reflection, and --of course-- joining this site.
--- End quote ---

I'm glad to hear that.  It's really important to get your "head right" as a very first step.  It's going to take a lot of HONEST inner reflection.  Personally, I think that inner reflection can be best guided with a good counselor.  I know that it's really scary to talk about this stuff out loud, but a good counselor can really help you to figure things out.


--- Quote from: BodysuitQueen on June 11, 2022, 09:17:43 am ---My goals at this point are just to:

1. Make peace with myself -- along with taking whatever transition actions are required to do that.
2. Finally be fully honest with my wife -- some combination of understanding what this is and courage on my part is going to be required to get there.
3. Figure out what part of my personality are just inauthentic survival mechanisms, and discard those (I'm not that old--but I'm too old for that).

--- End quote ---

Those are great ones.  Believe me -- after spending time in this community (both online and in the physical world), I have found that there is a HUGE correlation between the amount of honesty we give our spouses and the level of support we get from our spouses.  You absolutely CANNOT allow her to find out on her own.  It is hard enough to maintain a relationship when one of you is transgender.  You can't make it if lack of trust is also there. 

I really screwed up by not telling my wife about this until we were married for 14 years.  In my defense, I did not know I was transgender even then.  I thought that I just had some weird compulsion for wearing women's clothes.  It was only 2.5 years ago that I realized that I was truly transgender and that I needed to do something about it.

During most of the early years of marriage, the compulsion would come and go.  I was "in remission" for a while.  I didn't see the point in telling her.  It was only when it came back really strong about 4.5 years ago that I felt the need to tell her that I dressed.  She was supportive, but she STILL beats on me at times for being dishonest during that time.  Since that day, I have told her everything... as time has gone on, the trust has slowly built back up (mostly).

Only you will know when and how to break this information to your wife.  I highly recommend, though, going the "full honesty and transparency" route.  Trickling little bits at a time will only make her wonder what is "next" and she may never completely trust you.

Hope it helps,

~Sara

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