After agonizing over several years, I officially started medical transition last week. Honestly, part of me never wanted this. I hope that my dysphoria was just a passing phase and temporary. After many years of fighting, I will start HRT to reduce dysphoria. Right now, there is no plan for me to socially transition. I have no idea if staying on low dose HRT is possible. From what I read on this forum, staying on low dose without transitioning is very difficult.
Don't get me wrong. I am also very excited and want to very much transition fully. However, this is not something I can afford to do. Maybe one day, I can fully present myself. Maybe one day.
Hi Susannah,
Wow: well done. A great moment and a start. There's some good advice from folks in reply to your post.
I just wanted to comment briefly about no plan to socially transition. You don't say why that is but you do raise the financial issue as well in terms of full transition.
I'm guessing those are two connected but slightly different issues for you? Full transition is indeed really expensive with the ops especially. The gofundme / crowd sourcing sounds like a potential option? Maybe if you were prepared to go public you could do a youtube type platform and raise revenue that way through advertising and sponsorship? But it's VERY public obvs.
The other aspect to what you mention is about low dose HRT and social transition and I really wanted to focus on that. There are huge issues here about how society at large as well as our family and friends view us, literally. I mean, literally view us. We are looks obsessed and looks driven and those who are various shades of trans gender tend inevitably get sucked into that.
We are also in the west still VERY binary in gender terms which is the biggest source of aggro in my opinion for all those who are in a process of transitioning or who see themselves as gender fluid. In theory in the UK the gender clinics have moved away from this but I'm yet to be convinced. The media is OBSESSED by binary attitudes: one or the other. And I have to say that in their evangelical zeal and understandable elation some of those transitioning can go the same way.
I much prefer cultures out East where there is a long tradition of third, even fourth, genders and where gender fluidity is respected far more. It's not perfect by any means so I don't want to idolise it, but for example in Thailand no one would give a flying fig what you look like or how you dress and you will see a thousand myriads of gender shade on public transport on any given day. No one minds. It's far more relaxed and accepting, less judgemental.
In the west we are driven and riven by the old Big Man in the Sky theology who sits in Judgement over "sinners". Life is much more boxed and categorised and far less accepting.
I want to say to you to just be you, however you want to manifest. Just do your thing, be your own person. But I know it's incredibly hard in the west to be like that. Fifty years after Dave Bowie walked up Brixton High St in a dress, we have still not come far and culture wars from the Right are making things tough right now.
Stay strong as you can and that advice about building a circle of friends around you? That is 100% right: a top top comment. Nurture those friends who are the REAL friends, the ones who support you on your journey and accept you for who you are. And please please finally don't be afraid to cut away those who are toxic. Trust me, they can make your life hell and if I'd had my time again I would have walked away from those who thought they were helping me but who were actually toxic.
Peace and strength
xx
