Author Topic: Started My Journey  (Read 650 times)

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Offline Susannah

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Started My Journey
« on: June 28, 2022, 08:22:59 pm »
After agonizing over several years, I officially started medical transition last week. Honestly, part of me never wanted this. I hope that my dysphoria was just a passing phase and temporary.  After many years of fighting, I will start HRT to reduce dysphoria. Right now, there is no plan for me to socially transition.  I have no idea if staying on low dose HRT is possible.  From what I read on this forum, staying on low dose without transitioning is very difficult. 

Don't get me wrong.  I am also very excited and want to very much transition fully.  However, this is not something I can afford to do.  Maybe one day, I can fully present myself.  Maybe one day. 

Offline TXSara

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Re: Started My Journey
« Reply #1 on: June 28, 2022, 08:57:11 pm »
Right now, there is no plan for me to socially transition.  I have no idea if staying on low dose HRT is possible.  From what I read on this forum, staying on low dose without transitioning is very difficult. 

I know of people who have done it successfully, but I can't imagine trying to pull it off.  I feel like the stress of always worrying about what people have "figured out" would do me in.  It was a huge weight lifted once I just got over the shame and let people know what was going on.  I'm still presenting male most of the time, and I'll likely continue to do so for at least another 6 months.  I imagine that I could have chosen a lower dosage and been fine to present as an "effeminate" male for a pretty long time if I wanted to.

Don't get me wrong.  I am also very excited and want to very much transition fully.  However, this is not something I can afford to do.  Maybe one day, I can fully present myself.  Maybe one day.

You said it, sister.  This stuff is EXPENSIVE.  Electrolysis is sneaky expensive, and the surgeries cost a LOT.  New clothes, wigs, beauty products... it adds up. 

If I have any advice for you, it is to start building your circle.  You need to let some people in so that they can be a good support network for you.  You're going to need the support.

Good Luck!!

~Sara

Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: Started My Journey
« Reply #2 on: June 28, 2022, 09:02:14 pm »
@Susannah
Dear Susannah:
Thank you for sharing your big event of officially starting your medical transition last week.  This is an important first step that you have taken.
I know that you mentioned some reservations regarding your transition plans but if you wish to do some reading about what HRT might do for you... go to the following link:
                    MTF timeline for Hormone Replacement Therapy
    https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,251312.msg2337372.html#msg2337372

I will be eagerly following your HRT journey as you feel free to share your thoughts.
Warm wishes and HUGS,
Danielle
             
     
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 42

Offline borntrans

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Re: Started My Journey
« Reply #3 on: June 28, 2022, 09:10:14 pm »
Congrats! You could start a gofundme and a blog or something you can tell people about who want to help you out might not work very well from my experience but worth the effort. Hopefully the market gets better honestly don't count on it soon even though ppl like me write news with solutions to reduce the cost of living literally made a documentary Overpriced before I came out, politicians and mainstream media generally neglect whats hurting people and ignore solutions so people don't have a lower cost of living. I used to be able to afford to drive a car making min wage like over 15 years ago I worked at burger king then carwash

Sorry ill stop before i rant more kinda makes me upset that people are struggling.
Megan Started HRT June 22, 2021. Started living full time August 28, 2021.

Offline Mandy M

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Re: Started My Journey
« Reply #4 on: June 29, 2022, 12:37:18 am »
After agonizing over several years, I officially started medical transition last week. Honestly, part of me never wanted this. I hope that my dysphoria was just a passing phase and temporary.  After many years of fighting, I will start HRT to reduce dysphoria. Right now, there is no plan for me to socially transition.  I have no idea if staying on low dose HRT is possible.  From what I read on this forum, staying on low dose without transitioning is very difficult. 

Don't get me wrong.  I am also very excited and want to very much transition fully.  However, this is not something I can afford to do.  Maybe one day, I can fully present myself.  Maybe one day.

Hi Susannah,

Wow: well done. A great moment and a start. There's some good advice from folks in reply to your post.

I just wanted to comment briefly about no plan to socially transition. You don't say why that is but you do raise the financial issue as well in terms of full transition.

I'm guessing those are two connected but slightly different issues for you? Full transition is indeed really expensive with the ops especially. The gofundme / crowd sourcing sounds like a potential option? Maybe if you were prepared to go public you could do a youtube type platform and raise revenue that way through advertising and sponsorship? But it's VERY public obvs.

The other aspect to what you mention is about low dose HRT and social transition and I really wanted to focus on that. There are huge issues here about how society at large as well as our family and friends view us, literally. I mean, literally view us. We are looks obsessed and looks driven and those who are various shades of trans gender tend inevitably get sucked into that.

We are also in the west still VERY binary in gender terms which is the biggest source of aggro in my opinion for all those who are in a process of transitioning or who see themselves as gender fluid. In theory in the UK the gender clinics have moved away from this but I'm yet to be convinced. The media is OBSESSED by binary attitudes: one or the other. And I have to say that in their evangelical zeal and understandable elation some of those transitioning can go the same way.

I much prefer cultures out East where there is a long tradition of third, even fourth, genders and where gender fluidity is respected far more. It's not perfect by any means so I don't want to idolise it, but for example in Thailand no one would give a flying fig what you look like or how you dress and you will see a thousand myriads of gender shade on public transport on any given day. No one minds. It's far more relaxed and accepting, less judgemental.

In the west we are driven and riven by the old Big Man in the Sky theology who sits in Judgement over "sinners". Life is much more boxed and categorised and far less accepting.

I want to say to you to just be you, however you want to manifest. Just do your thing, be your own person. But I know it's incredibly hard in the west to be like that. Fifty years after Dave Bowie walked up Brixton High St in a dress, we have still not come far and culture wars from the Right are making things tough right now.

Stay strong as you can and that advice about building a circle of friends around you? That is 100% right: a top top comment. Nurture those friends who are the REAL friends, the ones who support you on your journey and accept you for who you are. And please please finally don't be afraid to cut away those who are toxic. Trust me, they can make your life hell and if I'd had my time again I would have walked away from those who thought they were helping me but who were actually toxic.

Peace and strength

xx

Offline SoCal_Holly

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Re: Started My Journey
« Reply #5 on: June 29, 2022, 03:28:35 am »
Susannah:

Congrats on taking a huge first step !

It’s quite a journey, enjoy the ride. Take things at your own pace and comfort level. It’s a marathon not a sprint.

Good luck!

Hugs,

Holly

Offline Susannah

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Re: Started My Journey
« Reply #6 on: July 01, 2022, 09:00:16 pm »
Thank you for your support, everyone. 

My situation does not allow me to transition.  At least, not yet.  It will take too long to explain all this, but I concluded that taking low dose HRT without socially transitioning is the best path forward.  I have read many topics on Susan's that this approach is extremely difficult in a long run.  We will see if this was the right decision for me.  My dysphoria episodes have been increasingly more difficult to cope over the years.  It is scary yet excited to start all this. 

Offline traci_k

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Re: Started My Journey
« Reply #7 on: July 02, 2022, 04:50:42 am »
Hi Susannah,

Congratulations on beginning your journey!
It's never too late to start. I hope that the low dose HRT will help to relieve your dysphoria. I asked my GP years ago but he didn't feel competent in prescribing any hormones. Finally about a year ago I started HRT under. an informed consent program at Howard Brown in Chicago. Finally at age 65 I went full bore with the HRT. The effects were amazing. Almost immediately my dysphoria and depression lifted. I too still present in public as male though I'm beginning to go more androgynous.

My point is, take it step by step with what is comfortable for you and what you can afford. If you can get insurance to pay for some part of the hormones the better. Electrolysis is expensive but in my mind, worth it. I still have a long way to go but I love how my skin feels where the whiskers are gone.  There are a myriad reasons why people can't transition, financial, fear of loss of employment, loss of family, societal pressure.  Move at the pace that works for you.

A few years back I published a book about trying to cope with gender dysphoria without transitioning.  It contains strategies I got from my therapist and some I did on my own to alleviate the dysphoria while being married and a father. Alas, it all fell apart so I had nothing more to lose by going full HRT.  As I said I still present as male in public but I know and my brain and body knows there's something different. Hopefully the hormones will get you similar relief as I got.
Best wishes as you move forward on YOUR timeline as you are able.
Please keep us informed as there are many caring people here for you

Hugs
Traci Melissa Knight


Offline NancyDrew1930

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Re: Started My Journey
« Reply #8 on: July 03, 2022, 09:55:14 pm »
After agonizing over several years, I officially started medical transition last week. Honestly, part of me never wanted this. I hope that my dysphoria was just a passing phase and temporary.  After many years of fighting, I will start HRT to reduce dysphoria. Right now, there is no plan for me to socially transition.  I have no idea if staying on low dose HRT is possible.  From what I read on this forum, staying on low dose without transitioning is very difficult. 

Don't get me wrong.  I am also very excited and want to very much transition fully.  However, this is not something I can afford to do.  Maybe one day, I can fully present myself.  Maybe one day.

Hi Susannah

It seems that you and I are in the same boat in that we both just started HRT (I just started on June 2).  And just like you I am not at the point yet where I can socially transition, but I have started HRT to relieve my dysphoria.

Offline Mandy M

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Re: Started My Journey
« Reply #9 on: July 04, 2022, 01:20:33 am »
Very best to you both as you navigate this path.

Personally I think knowing you are on the right internal and bodily path is far more important than how the world sees you. You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free :)

xx

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: Started My Journey
« Reply #10 on: July 04, 2022, 03:44:28 am »
After agonizing over several years, I officially started medical transition last week. Honestly, part of me never wanted this. I hope that my dysphoria was just a passing phase and temporary.  After many years of fighting, I will start HRT to reduce dysphoria. Right now, there is no plan for me to socially transition.  I have no idea if staying on low dose HRT is possible.  From what I read on this forum, staying on low dose without transitioning is very difficult. 

Don't get me wrong.  I am also very excited and want to very much transition fully.  However, this is not something I can afford to do.  Maybe one day, I can fully present myself.  Maybe one day.


Enjoy your journey, it may have interesting paths and experiences.

Hugs,

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  
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Offline Courtney G

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Re: Started My Journey
« Reply #11 on: July 11, 2022, 03:08:02 pm »
As I said I still present as male in public but I know and my brain and body knows there's something different.

Thanks for your post. ^ This really resonates with me. I'm only out to my partner and my journey has been difficult, with my destination remaining unknown. But I feel the same way as I think you do: even though only one person in real life knows about me, I have begun to transition beneath my clothes and I find it comforting to know that I'm closer now to who I've always needed to be. For example, losing my chest hair has been a source of great joy.

@Susannah : please stay in touch. It has been nice to be able to communicate with you as we travel along our parallel paths.

Offline KrystalDragon

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Re: Started My Journey
« Reply #12 on: July 15, 2022, 11:58:10 am »
You took a huge step, congrats I know its not easy.
So much of your story shares many aspects of my feelings too, one of the hardest decisions for me to overcome was in my mind, was this what I really wanted or was it "fetish"
It took me many years to find that answer for myself inside.

Costs: I used Amazon Pharmacy and have a prime account - it was very very affordably and no coupon hunting needed

Cosmetic costs: Hey we cant put a price on vanity can we?  well other than the Dr's  they have no issue putting a price on it for us.

Good luck on your ride, I hope you find peace with your decisions and happiness.

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