Topic: As a MTF, when did you begin to not be concerned much if you passed or not?

[ChrissyRyan]

As a MTF, when did you begin to not be concerned much if you passed or not?

Was it early or late in your transition?


Chrissy

[Rakel]

Actually, even before I made the decision to transition, I decided that I needed to do this regardless of whether or not I passed. I just accepted myself as whatever happened. If I passed, fine. If I didn't then thats OK too.

I just had to be me. No matter how the rest of the world thought of me.

[Lexxi]

With my size and looks I didn't feel like I'd ever pass....and I don't think I do. But I had to transition anyway. I was tired of hiding my true self. I've come to terms with it and have found my happiness anyway.

[Allie Jayne]

I transitioned purely to reduce dysphoria, it was a requirement to live in the role of my gender ID for a year before surgery which sort of forced me to present as female. If I could have had the surgery and HRT without presenting as female, I might have not socially transitioned.

Hugs,

Allie

[Jessica_K]

I have two lives with a single core, that of being a woman in both. I have a home life and a social/work life. At home I have to dress male as a compromise and an agreement with my wife who although accepts me as trans cannot accept me as female, and outside of home I am fully socially transitioned to all my friends. Probably opposite to many here.

This duality means I do not care if I pass or not I just have to be me to the core. Personally I think I do mostly pass when out, I am certainly accepted.

Good question Chrissy, the answer is early when I knew my life was going to be complex.

Jessica xxx

[ChrissyRyan]

With my size and looks I didn't feel like I'd ever pass....and I don't think I do. But I had to transition anyway. I was tired of hiding my true self. I've come to terms with it and have found my happiness anyway.

I am happy for you @Lexxi


Chrissy

[ChrissyRyan]

I have two lives with a single core, that of being a woman in both. I have a home life and a social/work life. At home I have to dress male as a compromise and an agreement with my wife who although accepts me as trans cannot accept me as female, and outside of home I am fully socially transitioned to all my friends. Probably opposite to many here.

This duality means I do not care if I pass or not I just have to be me to the core. Personally I think I do mostly pass when out, I am certainly accepted.

Good question Chrissy, the answer is early when I knew my life was going to be complex.

Jessica xxx

Jessica,

Life is full of compromises.  Yours is a toughie.  I am glad you have found a workable one.

Beat to you,

Chrissy

[big kim]

I knew I wouldn't pass with my size & looks either. it put me off transition for 10 years. Eventually I had to or die. Not by my own hand as I'm a coward but by my risk taking behaviour. I drank & did drugs to exces, had many accidents including setting the kitchen on fire making chips drunk, falling through a glass door etc. I rode my motorcycle & drove like a maniac! I got into fights I had no chance of winning I sort of blend in though now  & am accepted

[ChrissyRyan]

I knew I wouldn't pass with my size & looks either. it put me off transition for 10 years. Eventually I had to or die. Not by my own hand as I'm a coward but by my risk taking behaviour. I drank & did drugs to exces, had many accidents including setting the kitchen on fire making chips drunk, falling through a glass door etc. I rode my motorcycle & drove like a maniac! I got into fights I had no chance of winning I sort of blend in though now  & am accepted

@big Kim

Kim,

It is nice being accepted, at least by a number of people nowadays.

Chrissy

[big kim]

Chrissy I found the best acceptance in the punk/metal community & biker scene!

[ChrissyRyan]

Chrissy I found the best acceptance in the punk/metal community & biker scene!

That is cool!

Chrissy

[TXSara]

As a MTF, when did you begin to not be concerned much if you passed or not?

Was it early or late in your transition?

For me, this is an ongoing thing that gets better with time.  I know I don't pass, and it used to bother me.  As time goes on and I find that people don't really treat me badly, it is much less of a problem.  I don't think that there's a definitive date where I can say, "after this time I didn't care anymore."  It's more like as every month goes by, I care just a little bit less, you know?

~Sara

[Sephirah]

As a MTF, when did you begin to not be concerned much if you passed or not?

Was it early or late in your transition?


Chrissy

Early. Too early.

It was... after the moment I was told I couldn't transition. Due to severe physical injury and the fact my body is held together with basically duct tape and some very skilled doctors, lol. I was faced with a choice. A) Accept reality and keep going, or B) Accept reality and not keep going. I tried option B several times. Thankfully unsuccessfully. Option A is more arguably more difficult but I'm still here. Which is something.

For me I don't think it's a case of not being concerned, though. It's something I have to deal with every day and it eats away at my soul constantly. But it's something I have accepted and am trying to make the best of. I don't want to try option B again.

[Devlyn]

I'm usually taken as female until I speak. But it's nothing I'm going to work on changing, my voice is my voice. It has been for sixty years. I  didn't follow this path for anyone except myself...I  really don't give a rat's behind what anyone else thinks about it.

[Sephirah]

I'm usually taken as female until I speak. But it's nothing I'm going to work on changing, my voice is my voice. It has been for sixty years. I  didn't follow this path for anyone except myself...I  really don't give a rat's behind what anyone else thinks about it.

You swear like a Navvie, don't you? Admit it! <3

[Devlyn]

Let's just say that I know all the words. 

[Dorit]

For me it was very essential from the beginning that I pass.  This was because of my own deep insecurities and the need to be accepted by others, plus a large dose of internalized transphobia. I had no idea if I would succeed, but when I got enough of a release from my fears I went full speed ahead and did every I could to pass.  So five years later and at 75 years old I pass and am even "stealth" at my local senior community.  A funny thing happened on the way, in that now I care less and less about passing and am more accepting and at ease with myself and want to help the community that has helped me so much.  So I came out as trans in a big way, even an article about me in a national women's magazine.  By the way, it seems that no one in my senior center reads the magazine!

[ChrissyRyan]

For me it was very essential from the beginning that I pass.  This was because of my own deep insecurities and the need to be accepted by others, plus a large dose of internalized transphobia. I had no idea if I would succeed, but when I got enough of a release from my fears I went full speed ahead and did every I could to pass.  So five years later and at 75 years old I pass and am even "stealth" at my local senior community.  A funny thing happened on the way, in that now I care less and less about passing and am more accepting and at ease with myself and want to help the community that has helped me so much.  So I came out as trans in a big way, even an article about me in a national women's magazine.  By the way, it seems that no one in my senior center reads the magazine!

@Dorit


Dorit,

Did you become more famous because of the article?  Did you get asked to be interviewed by others in media or to speak at conferences?

Thank you for your service mindset.  Congratulations on your transition.  That is wonderful.


Chrissy

[Dorit]

@Dorit


Dorit,

Did you become more famous because of the article?  Did you get asked to be interviewed by others in media or to speak at conferences?

Thank you for your service mindset.  Congratulations on your transition.  That is wonderful.


Chrissy

I outed myself by the article!   Many people on the street would recognize me and tell me how much they appreciated me sharing my life so publicly.  As I wrote, not all the women in Israel read the magazine or the web site it is connected to.  I was flooded with media offers afterwards, but  already new my limits and said no to them all.  Even the Israel Embassy in the UK contacted me and asked if they could do an article about me in the UK media.  I said no to that too, it was hard, because I beleive there is a lot of misunderstanding of Israel society there.  While I have a lot of self confidence in who I am, I am aware that not all the media will present me in a favorable light and I will expose myself to a lot of hate replies.   I am sensitive to that and knew that the women's magazine that did the article would be totally positive and affirming in the recognition of a transgender woman.  So eight months later the "buzz" is over. It was quite an experience!

[ChrissyRyan]

I outed myself by the article!   Many people on the street would recognize me and tell me how much they appreciated me sharing my life so publicly.  As I wrote, not all the women in Israel read the magazine or the web site it is connected to.  I was flooded with media offers afterwards, but  already new my limits and said no to them all.  Even the Israel Embassy in the UK contacted me and asked if they could do an article about me in the UK media.  I said no to that too, it was hard, because I beleive there is a lot of misunderstanding of Israel society there.  While I have a lot of self confidence in who I am, I am aware that not all the media will present me in a favorable light and I will expose myself to a lot of hate replies.   I am sensitive to that and knew that the women's magazine that did the article would be totally positive and affirming in the recognition of a transgender woman.  So eight months later the "buzz" is over. It was quite an experience!

@Dorit



Dorit,

Very sensible and admirable.

Chrissy