Author Topic: I want to transition MtF but I’m physically quite big  (Read 929 times)

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Offline TheNaylornator

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I want to transition MtF but I’m physically quite big
« on: August 06, 2022, 10:50:50 am »
As the title says, I want to transition MtF but I’m physically quite big, I don’t mean body fat percentage big, I mean I’m 6”2, size 12 shoe, and have a big physique, I’d be a good fit in a football team for example. I do have some body fat, however I am trying to lose that, but even when I do, I don’t think that it will change much.

Part of transitioning for me is to ‘pass’ and I know everyone comes in different shapes and sizes, but it’s not quite what I’d want, is there much chance of anything changing physically about me if I start HRT, I get it won’t he miracles but any sort of change? I’ve looked into things like ‘Body Feminisation Surgery’ which makes your body shape more feminine, but say for example my shoulders, they’re not wide for a male, but they are for female, if that makes sense.

Thanks!

Offline Gertrude

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Re: I want to transition MtF but I’m physically quite big
« Reply #1 on: August 06, 2022, 10:56:40 am »
I'm even bigger and it's been a self-imposed impediment. At 6'5 I am in a small percentile for a male let alone female. I'd have to lose a lot of weight and muscle to look more normal. Like be 200lbs or less, which is rail skinny for me. I do know Dr. Phil had an aunt that was 6'4 and 220 according to him and that must have been something back in the day, but even today it's unusual. In my whole life, maybe I've personally seen 2-3 AFAB women that were around my height.
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Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: I want to transition MtF but I’m physically quite big
« Reply #2 on: August 06, 2022, 11:22:44 am »
I have known a few tall women, over 6 ft. and taller than me.  But that has been the exception.

I do wish you well in your transition and it is understandable that bigness could lead to less frequent passing.

Tall women can look very feminine, it is simply more surprising to see very tall women.

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  
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Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: I want to transition MtF but I’m physically quite big
« Reply #3 on: August 06, 2022, 12:07:13 pm »
I'm 6'1" and weigh 168lbs, down from around 195lbs when I started HRT. I also used to wear a size 12 men's shoe, now I wear a size 13 women's shoe (my feet didn't change size, that's just how the shoe sizes work). I have had several people mention that I am tall and beautiful, something I never expected to hear when I began my journey. I was certain that I would 'make one ugly woman', I'm very happy to see how wrong I was.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Offline Sephirah

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Re: I want to transition MtF but I’m physically quite big
« Reply #4 on: August 06, 2022, 03:32:59 pm »
As the title says, I want to transition MtF but I’m physically quite big, I don’t mean body fat percentage big, I mean I’m 6”2, size 12 shoe, and have a big physique, I’d be a good fit in a football team for example. I do have some body fat, however I am trying to lose that, but even when I do, I don’t think that it will change much.

Part of transitioning for me is to ‘pass’ and I know everyone comes in different shapes and sizes, but it’s not quite what I’d want, is there much chance of anything changing physically about me if I start HRT, I get it won’t he miracles but any sort of change? I’ve looked into things like ‘Body Feminisation Surgery’ which makes your body shape more feminine, but say for example my shoulders, they’re not wide for a male, but they are for female, if that makes sense.

Thanks!

The woman in my avatar is Floor Jansen. She's the lead singer for Nightwish. She's 6'1" tall and built more sturdy than most men I know. She excercises by piledriving fence posts into the ground at her farm.

Sweetie, don't worry about meeting some standard of feminitity. Just be you. Women come in all different shapes and sizes. Be your own woman. Not some vision of something you think you have to meet, okay? We are all different. Embrace it, don't shy away from it.
"It's hard to light a candle, easy to curse the dark instead." ~ Nightwish: Last Ride Of The Day

Online Rakel

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Re: I want to transition MtF but I’m physically quite big
« Reply #5 on: August 06, 2022, 06:18:24 pm »
... is there much chance of anything changing physically about me if I start HRT, ...


Hormone therapy can do miracles. I was about your size before I transitioned and now after losing a bunch of weight and letting my Estradiol do their magic, I fully pass. I never get clocked anymore.

Any transition takes time and effort, but it can be done by everyone. It does not hurt to have your facial electrolysis and FFS past you before you expect to pass.

If you need proof of what I am saying, just go to the Before & After threads. I am in there and many others are as
well.

Before&After
Version 2.0
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,144104
Version 3.0
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=168444
Version 4.0
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,210798
Version 5.0
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,251753

Take care.  :-*

And don't forget our Fabulous threads either.  :o




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I still keep my professional licence active and in good standing.


Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: I want to transition MtF but I’m physically quite big
« Reply #6 on: August 06, 2022, 06:40:16 pm »

Hormone therapy can do miracles. I was about your size before I transitioned and now after losing a bunch of weight and letting my Estradiol do their magic, I fully pass. I never get clocked anymore.

Any transition takes time and effort, but it can be done by everyone. It does not hurt to have your facial electrolysis and FFS past you before you expect to pass.

If you need proof of what I am saying, just go to the Before & After threads. I am in there and many others are as
well.

Before&After - original version
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,106815
V 2
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,144104
V 3
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=168444
V 4
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,210798
V 5
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,251753

Take care.  :-*

And don't forget our Fabulous threads either.  :o

@Rakel

Is this first link’s topic unavailable (except to staff)? 

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  
.

I am a brown eyed brunette.

Online Rakel

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Re: I want to transition MtF but I’m physically quite big
« Reply #7 on: August 06, 2022, 06:44:15 pm »
Yes it is, sorry. I will remove it.

Many of the older threads have many pictures removed. The newer threads are better.

Here is a link to one of the Fabulous threads

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,253977.0.html




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I still keep my professional licence active and in good standing.


Offline Karen_A

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Re: I want to transition MtF but I’m physically quite big
« Reply #8 on: August 06, 2022, 07:13:57 pm »
The effects of hormones are highly variable  and tend to be less the older your are when you start them (as with anything  biological there are always exceptions of course)

Height in most cases is not an absolute tell, but it does raise the bar.

Height will bring more attention so that if one is significantly taller than the average women in the area, what becomes most important physically is overall shape/build...

Notice I did not say weight... If HRT moves any extra to the right places, it can help more than hurt passing, as it can help hide a bigger male frame, though it might not help with being attractive.

Tall with a slight build and low weight can work very well.

Tall with a big male frame (or a big male frame even not that tall) , particularly if HRT results are on the minimal side  can be very problematic.

Voice and how one moves can help a lot if the physical issues are they not TOO FAR out of the female norms in terms of shape,  and they can get one over the top as well.. .

People these days are much more T* aware than they were 30-40 years ago, so passing consistently is overall harder, but there is a lot less penalty in a lot of places for not passing than there used to be...

I started out at 6ft with big male frame and minimal HRT results back in the mid-late 90s. I pass sometimes (maybe most of the time) but I can't count on passing all the time even after all the years. That said, I have never been fired or had a serious issue even though I do get read.

I was afraid I would never pass and I would wind up alone , broke and on the street if I transitioned... I had to get to a pretty bad place before I could overcome those fears to do it anyway. I spent almost a decade tearing myself up about it before taking the plunge.

I wound up passing better than I though I would, but nowhere near I very much wanted and felt I needed to. I'm not alone, never lost a job because of being TS, and own my own home which is payed off.

The thing is, if this is something you need, not doing it can carry a big price. And in the end you really can't know how things will end up without doing it...

So you have to ask yourself how much do you want/need to transition... is it enough to make the risks involved worth it

No one can tell you now for sure if your physical obstacles can be surmounted to get you where you want to be.

No one here should be telling you if you should or should not transition, or if you will or will not be able to pass well...

There is no way for them to know that, no matter how things went for them. Each one of us, our physical, emotional and social situation, and specific wants and needs are different.

That is something you need to decide for yourself. It is often a profound life changing decision whichever way it goes.   How much you want/need to do it, and if it is worth the risk is up to you...

Most survive it one way or another, though at least in the old days, more than few did not as well.
 
-Karen
« Last Edit: August 07, 2022, 08:30:40 am by Karen_A »

Offline Allie Jayne

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Re: I want to transition MtF but I’m physically quite big
« Reply #9 on: August 06, 2022, 07:33:15 pm »
I like Karen's response! We are all different and will all have different outcomes from HRT depending on a plethora of factors from your DNA to the competence of your doctor. I'm lucky to have started at just over 5'8 1/2" tall and am now 5'7" tall, but unlucky that after years of HRT i have lost little on my upper body muscle bulk which was not from exercise, but from having a genetically large upper body structure. I'm also lucky that I had Hypogonadism for decades before transition at 65 yo, and I still have a full head of hair.

I have been full time to 2 1/2 years, and really don't know if I pass because it may simply be that I live in an accepting community (I am in Australia). My voice is not strongly male, but definitely not female, but being older gives me some leeway here. I do sometimes get misgendered, but I don't let this upset me. Overall, I have a pretty good quality of life with generally pleasant social interactions, so what more can I ask for? Transition wasn't a choice for me, and I have gone into it with low expectations of success, but with the support of my loved ones. We just don't know how well it will all come out, so your happiness will depend on your expectations and your environment.

I hope you can find the peace you are searching for!

hugs,

Allie
1958 Knew I should be a girl
1961 Told my mother I was a girl
1976 told my fiance I was trans
1999 told my 2nd wife to be I was trans
2000 began being me at home
2018 Dysphoria made me seriously sick
2019 started HRT, not sick any more!
        Started electrolysis
2020 Full time, legally Me!
2021 Labiaplasty
        Divorced again and on my own

Offline big kim

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Re: I want to transition MtF but I’m physically quite big
« Reply #10 on: August 07, 2022, 02:47:19 am »
I'm 6'1 & 1/2", 230 pounds (was 6'3" before age & scoliosis& 320 pounds at my heaviest). For many years fear of not passing put me off. Eventually I had to transition & no longer cared. I still don't pass but am acepted. For many years I worked in customer facing roles as a bus driver & hotel/bar worker.I have a voice like Lemmy after being a smoker for many years (stopped in 1994). I completed electrolysis several years ago & have my own hair which is a big help.
Good luck & I hope it goes well for you

https://scontent.fman2-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/278579423_1710429729308210_4457173260566656447_n.jpg?_nc_cat=107&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=5cd70e&_nc_ohc=Tx-zcJ0VqF4AX9Qws0v&_nc_ht=scontent.fman2-2.fna&oh=00_AT-hvhLrTgoxSuegpmU6qmdPebl9RuAE0bRHHxRgNIbKuw&oe=62F3965D

Offline Gigi Cooper

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Re: I want to transition MtF but I’m physically quite big
« Reply #11 on: August 07, 2022, 06:47:19 am »
  I have a friend, a CIS woman who is 6'3". A tall farm girl nice as can be. I never thought of her as masculine or even notice her height when around her its just her. Her husband is 6'7" and their son is over 7', who is very self conscience about his height and doesn't like to be reminded of it. We are all our worst enemy.
   I have not come out socially yet and was having a similar conversation with my therapist at our last session. His response was if your living as your true self and someone has a problem with that then "they" have a problem not you.
   I have always cared more about what others think of me than myself. Years of living with self hatred and guilt trying to be someone other than who I am, I know the path I must take now. We all must choose our path and yours might be different than mine, neither right or wrong just what works for each of us. I wish you all the best.
    Hugs and love Gigi

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: I want to transition MtF but I’m physically quite big
« Reply #12 on: August 07, 2022, 07:23:56 am »
Many women with wavy hair want straight hair.
Many women with straight hair want wavy hair.
I would think that some underweight women would like to put on a few pounds.
I would think that some overweight women would like to lose a few pounds.

We cannot do much about our height, except as I understand it, over age 50 you can naturally actually lose up to a few inches.

We can look nice and beautiful to many, no matter what our size or if our hair is wavy or straight.
Or whatever attribute, such as height.

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  
.

I am a brown eyed brunette.

Offline Dorit

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Re: I want to transition MtF but I’m physically quite big
« Reply #13 on: August 07, 2022, 10:11:41 am »
I started my transition at 70 years old and 6' tall in a country of short women!  I did it because I wanted to live my life as a women and I like the way I looked as one.  What I had in my favor was a slight frame and good health and weight, 165 lbs.  Much to my delight after the years of HRT and a "few" surgeries I pass and am considered very attractive and look and act 20 years younger than I am. ;)  Much of this comes from my inner delight and happiness that comes out.  I believe that this is a major part of the key to "passing" or being accepted as the women you are. :angel: 
I first told a psychiatrist that I wanted to be a girl in 1967 after a psychotic breakdown
Began therapy again with gender specialist 50 years later in September 2017
Began HRT November 2017
Name change with Israel Ministry of Interior March 2018
FFS September 2018
GCS December 2018
Gender change with Israel Ministry of Interior January 2019
BA July 2020
GCS Revision March 2021

Offline Devlyn

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Re: I want to transition MtF but I’m physically quite big
« Reply #14 on: August 07, 2022, 10:19:26 am »
As the title says, I want to transition MtF but I’m physically quite big, I don’t mean body fat percentage big, I mean I’m 6”2, size 12 shoe, and have a big physique, I’d be a good fit in a football team for example. I do have some body fat, however I am trying to lose that, but even when I do, I don’t think that it will change much.

Part of transitioning for me is to ‘pass’ and I know everyone comes in different shapes and sizes, but it’s not quite what I’d want, is there much chance of anything changing physically about me if I start HRT, I get it won’t he miracles but any sort of change? I’ve looked into things like ‘Body Feminisation Surgery’ which makes your body shape more feminine, but say for example my shoulders, they’re not wide for a male, but they are for female, if that makes sense.

Thanks!

The first, and biggest step, is self acceptance. What others think of you is secondary. As you've seen in the above replies, we come in all shapes and sizes. We don't transition to "pass", we transition to live. Be yourself, love yourself, and you'll be fine.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn
Veteran, US Army

Offline Karen_A

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Re: I want to transition MtF but I’m physically quite big
« Reply #15 on: August 07, 2022, 11:44:46 am »
We don't transition to "pass", we transition to live.

I don't think any one transitions just to pass... but for some there is strong need/desire to be able to live as women without an asterisk, and life without that is not what they need or want.

One can argue if that is healthy, practical or realistic, but for some those feelings are real and strong. If someone has those feelings and have significant physical challenges, it makes things difficult no matter what they do.

Not transitioning can feel like giving up on oneself and chance for a real life, but if you have those feeling, and don't blend well enough they may never go away, and wind up living life in a forever longing /wistful state even if they do...

We are social animals and how we see ourselves is (for most at least)  affected by how others see and interact with us,  as well as by what is inside... for some (most?) they are inextricably intertwined.

That is why I told her it depends on how much she feels the needs to to transition inspite of the hurdles and to understand what she feels she needs out life afterwards if she does.

It can take the help of a good therapist to untangle all feelings surrounding the decision. For some of us it it a more difficult a decision to make than for others.

-Karen

Offline Margrit

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Re: I want to transition MtF but I’m physically quite big
« Reply #16 on: August 07, 2022, 12:44:11 pm »
The first, and biggest step, is self acceptance. What others think of you is secondary. As you've seen in the above replies, we come in all shapes and sizes. We don't transition to "pass", we transition to live. Be yourself, love yourself, and you'll be fine.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

Hi Devlyn :)
Very well worded, I am totally agree!
Best wishes
Margrit

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even if you don't want to,
then you love him.

Offline barbie

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Re: I want to transition MtF but I’m physically quite big
« Reply #17 on: August 07, 2022, 03:46:09 pm »
Here in S. Korea, fewer women wear high heels, but I love to wear them. In the beach or the coast, probably I am the only one wearing high heels.

I am 6 feet (184 cm), but look like 6.5 feet (199 cm) with 6 inch (15 cm) high heel sandals. I look gigantic, but I do not care so much. People do not stare at me. Contrary to the stereotype, super high heels are for tall women. I mean big shoes match well with tall women.

 

I do not like to reveal my weight, but I am on a diet. My goal is 66 kg (145 lbs), and it is frustrating.



barbie~~







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Offline Gertrude

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Re: I want to transition MtF but I’m physically quite big
« Reply #18 on: August 07, 2022, 08:40:27 pm »
You're rail thin though, so it works. I my lean body mass is 40lbs more than you weigh.
"No, her mind is not for rent
To any god or government
Always hopeful, yet discontent
She knows changes aren't permanent
But change is"

Neil Peart

Offline Sephirah

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Re: I want to transition MtF but I’m physically quite big
« Reply #19 on: August 08, 2022, 02:32:43 pm »

We don't transition to "pass", we transition to live.

I don't think any one transitions just to pass... but for some there is strong need/desire to be able to live as women without an asterisk, and life without that is not what they need or want.

I kind of agree with this. For some people they are one and the same. And one ties very strongly into the other. I've seen it a lot during my time here. You get several different kinds of people and none are wrong in the way they think. They just have different outlooks on life.

I kind of think the important thing to realise is that there are innumerable different kinds of women in this world. Outside of any sort of snapshot of idealism you may have in your head. With regard to the subject of this thread, there are plenty of women who are also quite big. The difference between them and you is that they don't believe they're not women because of it. They own it. This is what you have to do.

Dev is right in that the first step is self-acceptance. You literally can't get anywhere without it. You just exchange one lie for another. But the second step is to understand there are all kinds of women in this world. Far, far beyond any sort of image you may have in your mind of this ideal figure you need, or height you need, or weight you need. The second step is accepting you can be your own woman and it will be okay. As long as you own it. And own yourself.

You have to be the pebble you throw into the lake. It all ripples out from how you feel and how you are, you know? No one can do that for you.

*big hugs*
"It's hard to light a candle, easy to curse the dark instead." ~ Nightwish: Last Ride Of The Day

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