Community Conversation > Coming out of the closet

I think the closet is opening

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pyradraconia:
I havent been on here in a while... but I need to vent and see if anyone has a similar situation  and can help me locate where I am

Here at home we started joking about me being the lady of the house because I kinda took the role of taking care of the house and our daughter (she works and is finishing vet school) and I am an independent dentist so my schedules are flexible (we live in Mexico) we also joked about the clothes and stuff like that (something in the like of myself telling her that I was going to buy her X or Y and she saying something like are you buying it for yourself because I dont fully like it)

Now with the pandemic I went into a depression and also had more time for introspection, and with the jokes came the memories about me playing with my mothers clothes and from a young age (about 13-14) being able to see on the internet about changing genders (about the 2000) and things like that

I have told almost everything to my wife and she feels like I was repressed when I was a kid (got caught playing with my mothers clothes) and in front of her I have used a skirt, a dress and even a one piece bathing suit and she has asked me point blank if I am a woman, I have just answered that I am not sure (I cant bring myself to tell her the truth since I think I am still in denial) I just tell her that I experimenting and dont know where it will lead and she just tells me to keep experimenting, to that my answer is that I have a fear that everything goes like in the movie the danish girl, where lili starts experimenting and little by little fully transitions (she even knows that I have dreamt about waking from GRS and she is by my side)

right now everything has intensified this past 2 weeks because I took some photos of myself fully dressed as a professional woman and changed my face with faceapp

so, if anyone has an opinion on how to keep going forward every idea is welcome

P.S I am in therapy and this Friday I have my appointment and I will tell all of this to my therapist (haven't seen her for like two weeks because she went on vacation)

Northern Star Girl:
@pyradraconia
I see that you joined Susan's Place way back in 2010 and just started posting again after a long absence.

I do not find that you were Officially Welcomed and given information about the site.
                  Welcome back to Susan's Place and the Forums

Please know that I am not trying to hijack your posting and topic but I do need to provide some
rules and information to you.

You can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.   Other members will be along shortly to give you their thoughts about your questions and concerns that you mentioned in your posting here on this thread and topic.
   
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Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that  members ask.
If you have further questions please message me.

Again, Welcome back to Susan's Place
Danielle

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all members should be familiar with:
 
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Northern Star Girl:
@pyradraconia

***  ONE more thing............

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum to introduce yourself and
to tell more members about your return.

Since the greeting and welcoming stuff is all done, I will hand this
thread back to you and others so the conversation can continue.

Wishing you well as you continue to be involved in the forums.

Warm regards,
Danielle

ChrissyRyan:
Welcome back!

Chrissy

TXSara:

--- Quote from: pyradraconia on August 23, 2022, 06:40:44 pm ---I have told almost everything to my wife and she feels like I was repressed when I was a kid (got caught playing with my mothers clothes) and in front of her I have used a skirt, a dress and even a one piece bathing suit and she has asked me point blank if I am a woman, I have just answered that I am not sure (I cant bring myself to tell her the truth since I think I am still in denial) I just tell her that I experimenting and dont know where it will lead and she just tells me to keep experimenting,

--- End quote ---

Well, I'll say this.  You're starting off with a pretty good foundation of trust and honesty.  You also seem to have a real keeper for a wife. 

I would like second your wife's suggestion and say that you should keep experimenting.  You should try to do some real introspection and soul searching.  Talking to a therapist will likely help a LOT.  Talking things out with your wife will be helpful as well.

The fact that you have had this account for quite a while says SOMETHING about you.  This is obviously not a short-lived feeling that you are having.  It is something that has been around for quite some time.  Try to be truthful with yourself -- both about how you feel and about what you really want your life to be like in the future.  I think that honesty (sometime brutal) with yourself is what will really make the difference.

Good luck!

~Sara

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