Community Conversation > Coming out of the closet

How to explain transition to a four year old transitioning

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Kaleig_hC:
I don't have much experience around small children since I was a child. My sister almost 6 years younger than me. I am not out to my family yet. That day is coming. Other children are no younger than 11. They will know what is going on. I have no relationship per say with my 4 four year old nephew. He probably only knows my name because grandma keeps telling him. He has never interacted with me one on one. I done this almost intentionally to minimize confusion. I been knowing I am going to transition since even before he was born. Other adults do all the interacting with him. For those with more experience with children, how do you tell something like this to a four year old. I tended to build relationships with my other two nephews as they got old enough like about 7 or 8 as they got into video games. He is a little young for that now.

Rakel:
In my situation, the younger my grandchildren are, the more accepting they are. I just told my grandchildren my new name and answered any questions they had, which were very few. There is really no need to explain anything.

TXSara:

--- Quote from: Rakel on August 30, 2022, 06:57:49 pm ---In my situation, the younger my grandchildren are, the more accepting they are. I just told my grandchildren my new name and answered any questions they had, which were very few. There is really no need to explain anything.

--- End quote ---

I don't have any personal experience with this, but from what I hear, Rakel is right.  Younger kids tend to roll with it and have no problems whatsoever.  You should try to start building a relationship.  It's never too early, and it's never too late.  Get out there and give that kid some sugar from Auntie Kaleigh!

~Sara

Allie Jayne:
I transitioned over the past 3 1/2 years in close contact with my grandchildren who are now 4, 6 & 8 years old. Young children are in an extreme learning phase of their lives, and will mostly just accept things happening around them without the need for explanations. The oldest was 5 when I started transitioning, and over the next couple of years, he did ask a question sometimes, but I just gave him simple answers like “I have always been a woman, but I used to like dressing like a man, but I don’t anymore.” The younger ones just accepted.

Last Christmas, my then 3 year old who has no idea about privacy, opened the door while I was having a shower to ask me to fix a toy he had broken, but then remarked that I didn’t have a ‘doody’. I just explained that girls don’t have ‘doodys’ and he seemed satisfied, but a couple of hours later I overheard him telling the rest of his family that Allie doesn’t have a doody! We all had a chuckle, and purposely didn’t make a big thing out of it. Transition is just another little variation in our lives to young children, don’t make it into a big thing and they will just take it in their stride!

Hugs,

Allie

Kaleig_hC:

--- Quote from: TXSara on August 30, 2022, 07:10:42 pm ---I don't have any personal experience with this, but from what I hear, Rakel is right.  Younger kids tend to roll with it and have no problems whatsoever.  You should try to start building a relationship.  It's never too early, and it's never too late.  Get out there and give that kid some sugar from Auntie Kaleigh!

~Sara

--- End quote ---

If I tried to introduce myself as Aunt Kaleigh that way before I am out my parents would have a fit. Since I live with them and they support me, I will wait until my transition is noticeable. They are not going to believe me until then anyway . Grandma been telling him I am uncle "my birth name". He only sees me in passing when his grandma, my mother brings him to the house. Which might happen a handful of times a year including Thanksgiving and Christmas. I stay in my room and he stays in the living room. It is all in God's timing at this point. It is too soon right now. Keep in mind I am only 8 weeks into transition so my IDs are still in my birth name for right now.

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