Topic: When I stopped caring if I "pass"

[Dayle1957]

All,

It has been a very long time since i posted.  Sorry about that.  Life was pretty crazy 18 months ago.  Almost got thrown out of my home by my partner, stopped HRT, made some silly promises I could not possibly keep.

But NOW, I have been back on HRT for many months, looking and feeling good and getting a lot bolder.  I no longer feel like I am "cross dressing" when out as a woman, in fact, I feel like I am cross dressing the few and far between times that I present as male.

Like so many others, I used to worry if someone would realize I was trans and not a cis-gender woman.  Now I really don't care.  I own being trans.  And the funny thing is, the more I own it, the more I seem to "pass".  Maybe not in the sense that everyone thinks I am cis, but in the sense, that few people notice anything special about me at all, but when they do, they are complimenting my ear-rings or my necklace or hair or some such thing.

Now I do still try to be safe and avoid people and places when I can that might want to do some kind of harm to a nice trans girl, but in general I just don't care if someone realizes I am trans, or queer or whatever they want to think.

Anyone else in that space?

Hugs

Dayle

[Jessica_Rose]

Welcome back Dayle!

There was a time when I struggled as well. It only lasted a year or two, but it seemed like forever. 'Owning' who you are is the key to confidence, and confidence is often the key to passing. Once you overcome the desire to 'act' a certain way and instead become comfortable with who you are, the world becomes a much more comfortable place.

It's unfortunate that we do still need to be careful in many spaces, and there will probably always be places we need to avoid. Just being yourself is a wonderfully liberating place to be.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[TXSara]

Anyone else in that space?

Absolutely!  I think you're a little farther along than I am (I still haven't gone full time just yet), but I'm feeling just about everything you have described.

I no longer feel like I am "cross dressing" when out as a woman, in fact, I feel like I am cross dressing the few and far between times that I present as male.

I don't know that I feel like I'm "cross-dressing" as a male, but I definitely feel more at home in my female role and presentation.  I'm actually finding that the difference between me presenting "male" and presenting "female" becomes less and less over time.  It used to be a 2 hour+ session of "primp and props" to go out anywhere in girl mode... nowadays, I just throw different clothes on, put on makeup, and style my hair differently or wear a wig.  It's nice.

I own being trans.  And the funny thing is, the more I own it, the more I seem to "pass".  Maybe not in the sense that everyone thinks I am cis, but in the sense, that few people notice anything special about me at all, but when they do, they are complimenting my ear-rings or my necklace or hair or some such thing.

Totally.  I actually run around with a big transgender symbol hanging on my necklace for everyone to see.  This is in both male and female presentation.  I like it because it's a passive way for me to (a) let people know what's going on, and (b) let people know that I'm perfectly OK with who I am.  I get compliments on it, and I take those compliments as showing support for both me and the community.

Now I do still try to be safe and avoid people and places when I can that might want to do some kind of harm to a nice trans girl, but in general I just don't care if someone realizes I am trans, or queer or whatever they want to think.

Yeah, there are a few places you don't want to hang out at.  I'm not looking forward to gas station bathrooms in East Texas, and you won't be seeing me at a monster truck rally, either LOL.

I'm glad you are finding happiness and that life is getting better than it was 18 months ago.  "Owning it" definitely helps, I think.

~Sara

[big kim]

I find I pass more without makeup, wearing hiking pants, check flannell shirts, fleeces, hoodies & combat/walking boots! It's been years since I wore makeup, skirts or heels. I'm also going to be pushing the envelope further as my hair is thinning at the crown & on top & will be getting a really short Jamie Lee Curtis or Pink cut.
I hang around with punks, metalheads & bikers & they don't have a problem I'm just one of the crowd to them

[Jessica_K]

I am with you there Dayle.

As I cannot dress female at home I am often in the local supermarket dressed male, but my breasts show and my tight genes do not hide much (nothing down there..), these are men's clothes but worn by a woman. My nails are always painted and if I am not with my wife I carry my shoulder bag. If I am with her I still have my lovely pink purse when I pay at the check-out. I do not man fail so I guess everyone knows I am trans. I do not care either

Jessica xx