Community Conversation > Coming out of the closet

Telling someone you are transgender

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Telling someone you are transgender is one of the hardest things to do, at least for the first person, closest persons, or the first few you shared about your true self and your need to transition from your birth sex and gender.

How did you handle these early coming out situations?  How did this subject come up, was it planned by you or was it an unexpected conversation?  Did you have a good result?
Was the knowledge you shared unwelcome?  Is there anything you would have said or handled differently?

Did they keep this knowledge of you being transgender to themselves if you requested that, or did they share this knowledge with others against your wishes?

I hope for all of you who are waiting to share out to someone that when you do, that everything turns out very well for you.

Hugs and peace,


Northern Star Girl:
Back in early 2018, month of April,  my Dental Hygienist sweetie who first suspected that I was a trans-woman when she was cleaning my teeth ... and all the ladies in my gym-gals group were the instigators of me coming out and revealing my "secret" when I finally did... and I am so glad I did, it was like a big and heavy weight was lifted off of my shoulders allowing me to finally live more freely and able to develop relationships without hiding anything anymore.   
My favorite recollection of me coming out is that my friends and acquaintances including the employees and owner of the next door coffee shop coming to my aid and support when I was being insulted by a few others sitting at nearby tables having breakfast and coffee.  The owner of the coffee shop came over to their table and told them in a firm voice to shut-up or leave.

That is called "acceptance" !!!!!  :)

There are more details in my Blog  I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle‚Äôs Chronicles  ...
...the first 20 or 30 reply comments in March and April 2018.

The first person I came out to was unexpected. It was my first electrolysis appointment. My electrologist (CJ) was explaining how electrolysis worked. Suddenly, she stopped talking and looked at me...

CJ - OK. Now tell me why you want me to remove your beard, and don't tell me it's because you're tired of shaving. I want the truth!

Me - (Deer in headlights. Darn, that was going to be my explanation. For the first time in my life, I said it out loud)... I'm transgender .

CJ -- Oh, OK, then let's get to work.

A few weeks later I told my wife, and she was quite displeased. The next person I told was my manager, on 11 Oct 2017. All of them kept my secret. Once I went full-time in Feb 2018 it was no longer a secret. In March I made a trip to visit my parents and other relatives, and it went surprisingly well. A few months later I sent a letter to the friends and relatives we rarely see. I did not receive any harsh responses. One or two friends faded away, and a sister-in-law doesn't want me to visit their home (no great loss).

I'm semi-stealth now. I moved about 1000 miles away from where I lived during my transition. I still have the same job, but I work remote now. Everyone I work with has been awesome. None of my neighbors know about that part of my life, and I plan to keep it that way.

Once a 'critical mass' of people know, it's no longer possible to keep a secret. I would say once you get past 5 - 6 people, the 'secret' will get out on it's own. If you want to control the narrative, it's best to keep the number of people you tell to a bare minimum, then come out to the world.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

I told my mom about a week ago how based on her saying that I have always been worse than a girl my whole life,that I believe for numerous reason I have a female brain and told her about stanford research and showed her a video.she didn't get it,but she also said that if so,it's okay.Two days ago I told her I believe I'm tg,to, she was joking about myself and how I should identify as female to apply for a local public service.I didn't find it funny and told her about what we had talked about and how/ why I think I'm trans.She seemed more interested than disturbed,but she repeatedly insisted that I am confused and about her friend who thought she was lesbian,but wasnt,wasn't, because of this, I too am probably confused.Thing is since I was four I was attempting or showing interest in crossdressing and girls toys. Then around 13 I was feeling urges again to wear gend wet non conforming clothes.A cat dress and fishnet stockings.But my ego got in the way(I grew up in a very conservative,narcissistic, toxic family).Around 14-17 going through puberty I felt sick from the testosterone alot,sometimes still do when it's raging.And at 28 I rediscovered these memories and concluded my trauma suppressed my real identity and I formed a protector male shell identity,but have been miserable my whole life.I still enjoy cross dressing and started wearing my old skinny jeans from high school.I don't dress too femme, skinny jeans/slim wife beater tshirt and sometimes a nice flannel.Funny thing ion before knowing what trans even was,this is how I dressed in HS and coincidentally I dressed like a lebian,which I suspected as a teen and now know I am. Life is full of humour.Im just waiting to move by o another town to complete my transition so it's not so low key.But I'm comfortable for now.Just don't like the T effects


--- Quote from: ChrissyRyan on October 17, 2022, 05:17:22 pm ---How did you handle these early coming out situations?  How did this subject come up, was it planned by you or was it an unexpected conversation?  Did you have a good result?

--- End quote ---

For me, there were different "tiers":

#1:  My wife and kids.  I told them within a week of me knowing for myself.

They knew about 18 months before anybody else did...

#2:  My mom, stepdad, and two sisters.

I wanted them to know prior to me starting HRT.  I didn't think it was cool for me to start that and THEN tell the people that were closest to me.

#3:  My best friends

I told my closest friends Lizzie, Jeff, and Mike at around the 2.5-month point on HRT.  At that point, I felt that I wasn't going to stop, and I started feeling like I needed to tell the world before my <not allowed> did LOL.

#4:  A few people who deserved a call instead of an email.

I was about ready to fire off the "coming out" email at work, but I had a few people left that I felt deserved a phone call.  This included some close coworkers and my stepmother (who REALLY should have been in group #2, but I was chicken)

#5:  The email blast:

This one went out to over 100 people at work, and it took every bit of courage I could muster to hit that "send" button.  In retrospect, it was the smartest thing I could have ever done.  It opened me up to receiving a lot of support that I might have never known about.  This was at about the 3 month point on HRT.

#6:  Mop-up duty

I have tried over the past year to work on making my status known to as many people as I can.  This usually includes sending of the original "coming out" email along with a phone call or text.

I'm starting to get down to the end of my list.  At this point, the only thing that is left is the "Facebook Blast".  I'm going to wait until I go full time for that one.  If you aren't close enough for me to have gone out of my way to tell you, you probably don't need to know until it's time to change name / pronouns.



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