Author Topic: Do I have a valid reason to feel this way?  (Read 643 times)

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Offline Angélique LaCava

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Do I have a valid reason to feel this way?
« on: November 22, 2022, 09:40:12 pm »
This might be a bit of a long story. Anyway, me and my husband bought our first home. Today, we went there to move in some things and the property owner showed up with her 7 year old kid. The kid looked at the place and said that there is only 1 bed room and 1 bath and said that me and my husband needed 2 bed and 2 bath. The property manager said that we are married and the kid asked "so they are going to sleep in the same bed?".
I feel the kid thought I was a guy and me and my husband were room mates. My husband thinks I need to get professional help for thinking that.

I'd like to add I didn't wear makeup and I had on basic clothing that could be labeled as gender neautral.

Do y'all think he thought I was a guy and me and my husband were roommates or do kids his age not understand marriage?

Don't look at my pic and say looking at you I can't imagine anyone thinking that. I'd like to know what y'all would have thought if y'all were in the same situation.

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Do I have a valid reason to feel this way?
« Reply #1 on: November 22, 2022, 10:15:05 pm »
@Angélique LaCava
Dear Angélique

Don't allow a 7 year old child spoil your and your husband's excitement and joy
regarding the purchase of your first home.

You bought it, the deal is done, and you are done dealing with the property
owner and her 7 year old kid.

It is time to move on and make your new property your home.

HUGS,
Danielle
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Offline Allie Jayne

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Re: Do I have a valid reason to feel this way?
« Reply #2 on: November 22, 2022, 10:45:43 pm »
Angelique, you have no idea what sorts of things that 7 year old has been told, and at that age, he is still learning, so he fires questions at people. For all you know he has no idea of marriage and intimacy, maybe his parents sleep in seperate beds, who knows? Brush it off as a kid just not knowing, and being outspoken.

Congratulations on having your own place, and you make it your special place, your refuge from the world and it's craziness!

Hugs,

Allie
1958 Knew I should be a girl
1961 Told my mother I was a girl
1976 told my fiance I was trans
1999 told my 2nd wife to be I was trans
2000 began being me at home
2018 Dysphoria made me seriously sick
2019 started HRT, not sick any more!
        Started electrolysis
2020 Full time, legally Me!
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Offline noleen111

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Re: Do I have a valid reason to feel this way?
« Reply #3 on: November 23, 2022, 06:24:39 am »
Dont let a 7 year old kid ruin the excitement of buying a home

I remember how excited I was when my husband and I bought our home..

Enjoy and congratulations on the purchase.
Enjoying ride the hormones are giving me... finally becoming the woman I always knew I was

Offline Angélique LaCava

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Re: Do I have a valid reason to feel this way?
« Reply #4 on: November 23, 2022, 06:51:11 am »
Angelique, you have no idea what sorts of things that 7 year old has been told, and at that age, he is still learning, so he fires questions at people. For all you know he has no idea of marriage and intimacy, maybe his parents sleep in seperate beds, who knows? Brush it off as a kid just not knowing, and being outspoken.

Congratulations on having your own place, and you make it your special place, your refuge from the world and it's craziness!

Hugs,

Allie
his mother is single, but when I was his age I knew that people were husband and wife. It's still messing with my head. I just wish I knew for sure what that kid thought.

I've always heard that kids let you know if you truly pass or not.

Offline Angélique LaCava

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Re: Do I have a valid reason to feel this way?
« Reply #5 on: November 23, 2022, 07:09:19 am »
No one I encounter in my everyday life gives me a reason to think that I don't pass. Although, my nephew says it's because people are scared of trans people because they don't want to be sued.

Offline Angélique LaCava

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Re: Do I have a valid reason to feel this way?
« Reply #6 on: November 23, 2022, 10:59:31 am »
And while I appreciate y'alls kind words, y'all never said how y'all would have taken that if y'all was in that same situation.

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Do I have a valid reason to feel this way?
« Reply #7 on: November 23, 2022, 11:40:20 am »
And while I appreciate y'alls kind words, y'all never said how y'all would have taken that if y'all was in that same situation.
@Angélique LaCava
Dear Angélique LaCava:
I am not certain what more any of us can say to you as we offered
support and consolation to you regarding your bad experience with
with the property owner and her 7 year old kid.

Of course, you were the one that was in that situation, not us... but
rest assured that most if not all of us that are or have transitioned have
experienced the scenarios of not passing, being clocked, stared at, and
being the recipient of insulting, hurtful and snide comments from others.

None of us can question what you feel ...

Try to put that bad experience that you had in the rear view mirror and
move on and enjoy your new home with your husband.

All of us here are like-minded and we have that mutual bond... thanks for sharing.

HUGS,
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
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Offline Devlyn

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Re: Do I have a valid reason to feel this way?
« Reply #8 on: November 23, 2022, 11:53:55 am »
And while I appreciate y'alls kind words, y'all never said how y'all would have taken that if y'all was in that same situation.

In your first post you said:

The kid looked at the place and said that there is only 1 bed room and 1 bath and said that me and my husband needed 2 bed and 2 bath. The property manager said that we are married and the kid asked "so they are going to sleep in the same bed?".

Then you said:

...

his mother is single,
...


I  would take that to mean that the kid thinks everyone gets their own room in life.
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Offline Margrit

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Re: Do I have a valid reason to feel this way?
« Reply #9 on: November 23, 2022, 12:20:11 pm »
Hi everyone

Another possibility that should not be underestimated is that the child simply does not like to see a man and a woman married.
Maybe because it unconsciously misses it from his own parents and would like having it so much.
So all the words said from this 7 year old has noting to do with you in person, I think the little one did not even notice your story.

Best wishes
Margrit
If a man can make you smile,
even if you don't want to,
then you love him.

Offline Margrit

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Re: Do I have a valid reason to feel this way?
« Reply #10 on: November 23, 2022, 12:24:22 pm »
...Don't allow a 7 year old child spoil your and your husband's excitement and joy
regarding the purchase of your first home.

It is time to move on and make your new property your home...

Well, exactly that is the right next step to take.
If a man can make you smile,
even if you don't want to,
then you love him.

Offline Margrit

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Re: Do I have a valid reason to feel this way?
« Reply #11 on: November 23, 2022, 12:26:35 pm »
...I  would take that to mean that the kid thinks everyone gets their own room in life...

Also a very good possibility.
If a man can make you smile,
even if you don't want to,
then you love him.

Offline Rakel

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Re: Do I have a valid reason to feel this way?
« Reply #12 on: November 24, 2022, 06:12:20 am »
Many years ago, when television was new, there was a show hosted by Art Linkletter. A very humerous segment in this show was called "Kids say the darndest things!" . In this segment Art Linkletter would interview young people about the same age, about 6 or 7. There was also a revival hosted by Bill Cosby in the 1990's.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kids_Say_the_Darndest_Things

Some of the things that innocent children say are so out of line that it made for a very funny and entertaining show. If an adult said the same thing, it could be interperted as malicious or obnoxious.

Sometimes children just blurt out things that an adult would not say publicly. This just happens. I would not be concerned by the comments of such a young child.

Speaking for myself, this is a perfect opportunity for a snappy comeback, such as "Together we can beat up the Boogy Man."  :D
« Last Edit: November 24, 2022, 06:39:54 pm by Rakel »




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Offline Gigi Cooper

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Re: Do I have a valid reason to feel this way?
« Reply #13 on: November 24, 2022, 07:56:50 am »
Congratulations on your new home. The child should have been reprimanded by his parent but since that didn't happen the best course would be to just ignore him. Being trans means we must be prepared for those who just don't understand and that's their problem not ours. Defiantly not costing lost joy over. Home ownership is such a joy not having to ask permission to paint or make changes. Enjoy.

Say what you mean,
mean what you say
and don't be mean when you say it.

Be honest to yourself and others.

Offline Angélique LaCava

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Re: Do I have a valid reason to feel this way?
« Reply #14 on: November 24, 2022, 08:55:31 am »
Congratulations on your new home. The child should have been reprimanded by his parent but since that didn't happen the best course would be to just ignore him. Being trans means we must be prepared for those who just don't understand and that's their problem not ours. Defiantly not costing lost joy over. Home ownership is such a joy not having to ask permission to paint or make changes. Enjoy.
his comment def messed me up because everyone I meet calls me her, she and maam. It sucks to know that they were just being nice.

Online Jessica_Rose

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Re: Do I have a valid reason to feel this way?
« Reply #15 on: November 24, 2022, 09:08:15 am »
Without being there, it's difficult to figure out exactly what the little boy was thinking. Our frame of mind is extremely important in how we read a situation. If you are always concerned about being 'clocked', then you will always be trying to detect any possible comment or reaction which could be construed as 'detection', sometimes twisting innocuous actions into something negative. Remember, we are our own worst enemy.

I would have taken the comment at face value. Just a little boy who may not understand that two people who love each other commonly share a bed. Try to stop worrying about what others may think, just be yourself and enjoy life, companionship with your husband, and your new home.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Offline Sephirah

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Re: Do I have a valid reason to feel this way?
« Reply #16 on: November 24, 2022, 05:14:05 pm »
I've always heard that kids let you know if you truly pass or not.

No, kids let you know what they think of the world without any tact or filters. Like 75% of people who use the internet. Often well into adulthood. Whether it's right or wrong is another matter. What kids think can often change week-to-week, based largely on who they listen to. Again, like people on the internet, lol.

It's easy to say take no stock in it, but I likely would have felt the same way as you, to be honest. I think that has more to do with insecurity than any actual legitimacy or accusation in what was said, though. Often we can be hyperaware of things and take them to mean something they really don't. We just don't understand the context. And assume things based on that. My advice would be to just let it go and don't get hung up on it. There will likely be a thousand things you could take a certain way in your life, whether meant as you envision it or not. But the truth is you can just never know. So it's healthier to just get on with appreciating the thoughts and views of people you care about. And not try to figure out those of people you don't. :)

*hugs*

Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Do I have a valid reason to feel this way?
« Reply #17 on: November 24, 2022, 09:04:33 pm »
Angelique, I'm just sad that the comment has you doubting yourself. None of us other than you were there and even you don't know what the kid was thinking and will never know. I do know that it rocked you. Shook your footing. So, I'm sad for that, for you.

Online Tills

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Re: Do I have a valid reason to feel this way?
« Reply #18 on: November 25, 2022, 01:40:12 am »
No one I encounter in my everyday life gives me a reason to think that I don't pass. Although, my nephew says it's because people are scared of trans people because they don't want to be sued.

I like the sound of your nephew  :D

Seriously though, I'd have been cheesed off by the kid's comment. I'm not sure it's true or fair to imply this is unconditioned pure thought - out of the mouths of babes kind of thing - because children of that age are invariably highly influenced by their parent(s) or carers or peers.

I'm afraid there is terrible prejudice around and it sucks. I was out running once, so like you on the day you moved I probably wasn't exactly looking my most femme. And I passed a kid who blurted out 'that's a man'. Which really got to me, an arrow that seemed to go in deep, partly because so unexpected and my guard was down. Like your situation therefore.

The thing is, circumstances like that are hardly the place for a re-education about sex and gender. And you might invite a pile-on from a prejudicial parent. Unlike Rakel I don't have instant witty repartee up my sleeve. So I'm not sure what I'd have said or done in your situation. It's also potentially a sour note on which to start at your new home and that really sucks.

So counselling does sound like a good plan on this and you may be able to turn it around into something positive, with some more proactive steps forward?

Not that it necessarily gets easier with kids. I've encountered horrendous prejudice from teenagers. Just almost drove me to suicide. What I learned about that is that whilst kids might be very pro trans rights in theory, when it comes into their own home, or alongside or even in one of their parents, all hell can break loose.

There is still HUGE prejudice to overcome. But overcome it we must. Not just for us but for future generations.

x


Offline Angélique LaCava

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Re: Do I have a valid reason to feel this way?
« Reply #19 on: November 25, 2022, 04:39:01 pm »
I like the sound of your nephew  :D

Seriously though, I'd have been cheesed off by the kid's comment. I'm not sure it's true or fair to imply this is unconditioned pure thought - out of the mouths of babes kind of thing - because children of that age are invariably highly influenced by their parent(s) or carers or peers.

I'm afraid there is terrible prejudice around and it sucks. I was out running once, so like you on the day you moved I probably wasn't exactly looking my most femme. And I passed a kid who blurted out 'that's a man'. Which really got to me, an arrow that seemed to go in deep, partly because so unexpected and my guard was down. Like your situation therefore.

The thing is, circumstances like that are hardly the place for a re-education about sex and gender. And you might invite a pile-on from a prejudicial parent. Unlike Rakel I don't have instant witty repartee up my sleeve. So I'm not sure what I'd have said or done in your situation. It's also potentially a sour note on which to start at your new home and that really sucks.

So counselling does sound like a good plan on this and you may be able to turn it around into something positive, with some more proactive steps forward?

Not that it necessarily gets easier with kids. I've encountered horrendous prejudice from teenagers. Just almost drove me to suicide. What I learned about that is that whilst kids might be very pro trans rights in theory, when it comes into their own home, or alongside or even in one of their parents, all hell can break loose.

There is still HUGE prejudice to overcome. But overcome it we must. Not just for us but for future generations.

x
today, I dressed the same and looked the same and her workers asked if me and my husband had kids and they called me ma'am and she. It's confuses me to think the kid thought I was a guy, but those grown men think I'm a cis woman.

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