Author Topic: Maybe the only silver lining.  (Read 627 times)

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Offline CosmicJoke

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Maybe the only silver lining.
« on: January 18, 2023, 03:24:52 pm »
Hi everyone. I don't like the fact I was born male but something that just crossed my mind is that there may be one silver lining. The fact that I wasn't born with a uterus is actually very good in my case. Kids of my own are something I never wanted and probably never will.
In that case I would just be suffering with the PMS cramps each month and for what? I think often times biological women end up having to remove these organs anyway. That's a whole other issue I really don't need on top of everything else.
This is just me talking. I'm sure there's other's here who disagree, but have you found any silver lining similar to what I described?

Offline Gertrude

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Re: Maybe the only silver lining.
« Reply #1 on: January 18, 2023, 04:01:38 pm »
I haven't found much of a silver lining in any of this for the most part. Maybe it's that being of one mind and raised with a counter indoctrination has given me insight and perspective one might not have if they are CIS. I would say definitely. Being somewhere in between could have advantages if one can utilize them. In a society where we aren't accepted, that's not likely.
"No, her mind is not for rent
To any god or government
Always hopeful, yet discontent
She knows changes aren't permanent
But change is"

Neil Peart

Offline noleen111

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Re: Maybe the only silver lining.
« Reply #2 on: January 19, 2023, 07:58:52 am »
Hi everyone. I don't like the fact I was born male but something that just crossed my mind is that there may be one silver lining. The fact that I wasn't born with a uterus is actually very good in my case. Kids of my own are something I never wanted and probably never will.
In that case I would just be suffering with the PMS cramps each month and for what? I think often times biological women end up having to remove these organs anyway. That's a whole other issue I really don't need on top of everything else.
This is just me talking. I'm sure there's other's here who disagree, but have you found any silver lining similar to what I described?

When I started out on my transition journey, things like have kids never really crossed my mind and never thought about having kids. But life is funny that way.. I met a man and fell in love and I married him... honestly I wish I could have a uterus as I would love to be able to birth his child.. I would gladly deal with PMS cramps every month, just be able to have a baby.

We have adopted and i love been a mother and love my kids, but a part of me would have be able to fall pregnant and have his baby.
Enjoying ride the hormones are giving me... finally becoming the woman I always knew I was

Offline Victoria L

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Re: Maybe the only silver lining.
« Reply #3 on: January 19, 2023, 08:48:37 pm »
I know there are many cis women who feel the same as you and despise periods (well, who doesn't, either way?).

I do not see it as a silver lining at all, myself. Periods suck, but I'm supposed to have them, my brain knows it. Always has. Also, I have struggled immensely with not being able to get pregnant over the years. Nearly even had a breakdown multiple times working in the infants section when I used to work retail.

Cis female me would not be able to understand what I'm talking about, I'm sure! But that's not the way I turned out, so... irrelevant!



Offline noleen111

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Re: Maybe the only silver lining.
« Reply #4 on: January 23, 2023, 06:04:59 am »
I know there are many cis women who feel the same as you and despise periods (well, who doesn't, either way?).

I am sure periods are not pleasant, before I was married, I lived with my best female friend and when it was her time of the month, she often suffered,

We did speak about it, were are super close, and she described what happens (yes I know the theory), but first hand information is a little more graphic... It sounds like a roller coaster. some months it worse than others, some months she bleeds more than others.. some months she cramped more than others. She told me, she always knows about a day or 2 before it comes, as her breasts get tender.

She made it sound unpleasant and I am sure its no picnic, but when she fell pregnant with her first child (she is currently pregnant with child number 2), it was a reminder that because I dont get periods, I miss out on pregnancy. My friend told me, I get the nice parts of womanhood with out the plague that is periods, that I am very lucky.
Enjoying ride the hormones are giving me... finally becoming the woman I always knew I was

Offline SarahEL

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Re: Maybe the only silver lining.
« Reply #5 on: January 23, 2023, 10:14:02 am »
I feel the intense feeling to want to carry my husbands baby.. It is primal and based out of deep love for this guy.
Neither of us are capable of making offspring now, but I do think it is a female biological position that when they find 'the one' the 'making babies' ideas start to form.. I have a daughter of my own and he has 2.. so we are good for actual kids (and in our autumn years so, kids not a great idea).. but the need to carry this mans seed to fulfilment, to give him a child.. is something that has taken me quite by surprise.
Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion

Offline noleen111

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Re: Maybe the only silver lining.
« Reply #6 on: January 24, 2023, 04:57:13 am »
I feel the intense feeling to want to carry my husbands baby.. It is primal and based out of deep love for this guy.
Neither of us are capable of making offspring now, but I do think it is a female biological position that when they find 'the one' the 'making babies' ideas start to form.. I have a daughter of my own and he has 2.. so we are good for actual kids (and in our autumn years so, kids not a great idea).. but the need to carry this mans seed to fulfilment, to give him a child.. is something that has taken me quite by surprise.

Its surprised me as well. I was told when I started my journey the hormones will give me a more female mindset. Suppose the desire to have children is something women get.

I am now a mother of 3 adopted children (2 girls and a boy - the boy is twin with one of girls, my eldest is 3 and the twins are 7 months) When we adopted the first child (the twins were the second adoption), my friends decided that I needed to experience some of the discomfort of pregnancy. Since all paperwork was sorted 6 weeks before the birth of the child, my friend, organized me a 9 month fake pregnancy tummy, which I had to wear 24/7 until the child was born. I was allowed to take it off for showering, or if I needed medical attention. It was a nice experience, the tummy. What surprised me was the weight of the tummy, it made my feet swell and it pressed against my bladder and made me pee a lot.
Enjoying ride the hormones are giving me... finally becoming the woman I always knew I was

Offline TXSara

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Re: Maybe the only silver lining.
« Reply #7 on: January 24, 2023, 05:30:39 am »
When we adopted the first child (the twins were the second adoption), my friends decided that I needed to experience some of the discomfort of pregnancy. Since all paperwork was sorted 6 weeks before the birth of the child, my friend, organized me a 9 month fake pregnancy tummy, which I had to wear 24/7 until the child was born. I was allowed to take it off for showering, or if I needed medical attention. It was a nice experience, the tummy. What surprised me was the weight of the tummy, it made my feet swell and it pressed against my bladder and made me pee a lot.

That makes me smile and even tear up a little.  You have good friends, Noleen.  That was a sweet and very thoughtful thing for them to do, even if it was sort of "joking around" with you.

~Sara

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: Maybe the only silver lining.
« Reply #8 on: January 24, 2023, 09:29:26 am »
I have to admit this has crossed my mind even without a partner... that it would feel right to have a little baby growing inside, feeling her turn and kick, give birth to her and see her face and hold her and comfort her when she's crying and play dressup and tea with her and take her shopping and guide her through school and growing up and boyfriends and breakups and Mom you just don't understand me's and finding a partner of her own and and and...

And then I see my two adult children and realize bottom surgery or not- those days are past me now.

Hugs!!

Caela
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Offline SarahEL

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Re: Maybe the only silver lining.
« Reply #9 on: January 24, 2023, 02:10:33 pm »
@noleen, that is a wonderful story and I am so happy for you and your family.. It really sounds like you have found your place ... that is such a nice and rare thing to have done.. took me until I was 50..

It isn't so much the carrying of the child.. or the child.. I did my kid.. I was mom to her from day one. She freely admits that. Being the stay at home parent, cooking, cleaning and looking after her (and my partner who worked full time). I did everything mom would do.. including coffee mornings and playdates.
Because of some medical issues (being intersex) I actually lactated when she was born too.. I was on too many drugs to actually feed her (but her bio-mother did not lactate??!!) but she was bottle fed from day 1.. and none the worse for it. Me being the primary person who fed, dressed and bathed her... SO, (sorry rambling).. it is not so much the kid.. It is the 'Wanting to give your man a child'.. a very primal feeling. It goes both ways too.. he WANTS to make me pregnant and says this is something he never felt before either.. mainly because his ex partner was not the maternal type and babies did not seem right in that relationship. (they did later adopt, hence his 2 daughters).
Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion

Offline noleen111

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Re: Maybe the only silver lining.
« Reply #10 on: January 25, 2023, 06:18:00 am »
@noleen, that is a wonderful story and I am so happy for you and your family.. It really sounds like you have found your place ... that is such a nice and rare thing to have done.. took me until I was 50..

It isn't so much the carrying of the child.. or the child.. I did my kid.. I was mom to her from day one. She freely admits that. Being the stay at home parent, cooking, cleaning and looking after her (and my partner who worked full time). I did everything mom would do.. including coffee mornings and playdates.
Because of some medical issues (being intersex) I actually lactated when she was born too.. I was on too many drugs to actually feed her (but her bio-mother did not lactate??!!) but she was bottle fed from day 1.. and none the worse for it. Me being the primary person who fed, dressed and bathed her... SO, (sorry rambling).. it is not so much the kid.. It is the 'Wanting to give your man a child'.. a very primal feeling. It goes both ways too.. he WANTS to make me pregnant and says this is something he never felt before either.. mainly because his ex partner was not the maternal type and babies did not seem right in that relationship. (they did later adopt, hence his 2 daughters).

@SarahEL, I am glad you also found your place in the world.  My husband I think as well would love to be able to make me pregnant, he has never admitted it, as he does not want to make me feel worse than I already do, about not been able to fall pregnant. When I wore the tummy before the adoption of our eldest, he told me he thought I looked so beautiful "pregnant". I did not feel beautiful, I looked like a whale, but i enjoyed the experience. Never did it again before the adoption of the twins, there just was no time.

I also lactated, ok I took drugs to start lactating, I did breast feed.. that felt amazing and was magical. With the eldest, I managed to breast feed for about 2 weeks, i never produced enough milk, so after 2 weeks the baby required more milk than mommy could produce, so formula had to be introduced. I still pumped milk for a further 3 months, which she drank along with formula. With the twins, they were not interested in the breast, I got to them to latch once, so they are bottle fed. the 2nd time, I did produce more milk, so i still pump milk for them, which they drink along with formula. It is magical to be able to use my breasts for what they were designed for.

It sounds like you enjoyed motherhood, I can say I am really enjoying being a mother. I am not a stay home mom, honestly I would love to be one. I work part time, so I get the best of both worlds.. I run my own business, with a friend, so I have stepped away from the day to day, I go in 2 or 3 times a week. I love making nice food for my family and just been a good mother and wife to my husband.

 
Enjoying ride the hormones are giving me... finally becoming the woman I always knew I was

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