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Offline Krestella

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I guess this is me now...
« on: February 06, 2023, 11:46:58 am »
Hello,
It is a beginning... I would like to start by saying that I am thankful that this site exists. While there is content available as videos, the ability to connect with people that are living and thriving, struggling and triumphing is a source of relief for me. I am unsure what I will find on this journey. Let me tell the short story that I have never told anyone.
  Almost a year ago, while on a family vacation for the 4th of July, I was reading up on what it means to be trans because my oldest chosen child identifies as a trans man and I wanted to be the most supportive parent I could be. While reading an article about an older trans-woman's realization, I discovered the truth of my identity. It wasn't like reading one article and bam. It was more the culmination of a lifetime of interest and months of research that the realization hit me. And then bam the dam burst and the hundreds of articles and dozens of videos worth of information flooded over me. They were talking about me... I literally hit the floor and couldn't breathe. I am not prone to panic attacks but I am sure that was what that was. Just thinking back to it brings my heart to my throat. This is a major possibly insurmountable problem for me.
  Now... allow me to tell you a few things about myself. I am a 42 year old trans-woman. I am married and a father of 4. Two mine and two adopted. I am an engineer, a science nerd, DnD geek, a bookworm, and a veteran of Kosovo, Iraq, and Afghanistan. I am closeted with the exception of my therapist, because I find myself in a precarious situation.
  I am trying to figure out what this means for my future and that of my family.  I found this site looking for answers, and I have found some...

thank you,
K
 
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Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: I guess this is me now...
« Reply #1 on: February 06, 2023, 11:56:18 am »
Hello Krestella, and welcome to the community!!

Hugs!!

Caela
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Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: I guess this is me now...
« Reply #2 on: February 06, 2023, 12:04:16 pm »
Hello Krestella, welcome to Susan's Place and the Forums!

I don't want to hijack this thread, but I noticed this is your very first post at Susan's Place! We hope you will find this a safe and friendly place to share information and read about the experiences of others. Susan's Place can be an amazing resource for advice, support, and sympathetic friends. Please feel free to comment on posts, ask questions, or share parts of your life. Some of our members even create their own blogs to document their journeys.
   
We suggest that you read through our rules and other Terms of Service (TOS). Please review the links at the end of this message. The links include information which will help you navigate the site and use the available features.  

Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Once you reach 15 posts you will be able to send and reply to private messages, until then if you have any questions about the Susan's Place site and the Forums, please feel free to contact me via email at Jessica_Rose@susans.org

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

Jessica Rose
Global Moderator

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
 
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Offline Brooke Renee

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Re: I guess this is me now...
« Reply #3 on: February 06, 2023, 12:10:52 pm »
Hello Krestella,

Welcome to the community, we are very happy to meet you.  I was also happy to read that you have a therapist to help you in this crazy journey.  In addition to your therapist, I think you will find that this forum is filled with amazing women that are eager to help out a new sister.  Honestly, I would be lost without them. 

We look forward to hearing more from you!


Kindest Regards,

Brooke
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Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: I guess this is me now...
« Reply #4 on: February 06, 2023, 12:12:28 pm »
I just noticed that I had already welcomed you once Krestella, but I wanted you to know that you are really, really welcome here! Although we all have different stories, we often find comfort in knowing that many others before us have travelled this path. What you decide to do, and the exact path you take, are unique to you. Hopefully you will find some information here which will help guide you and make the journey a little easier.

Thanks for posting an introduction, and please feel free to ask questions.

Love always -- Jessica Rose
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Offline jennifer7020

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Re: I guess this is me now...
« Reply #5 on: February 06, 2023, 12:14:43 pm »
Greeting and Welcome!

Thank you for your service!

I can say with one hundred percent certainty you are in a good place to help you find answers. There are more than a few of us who have similar stories. I think you'll find empathy, support, advice, and more from all.

~Jenn
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Offline Krestella

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Re: I guess this is me now...
« Reply #6 on: February 06, 2023, 12:20:57 pm »
i'm crying because Brooke called me "sister". I am a total mess...


thank you all, It means alot to me to hear your support.
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Offline Brooke Renee

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Re: I guess this is me now...
« Reply #7 on: February 06, 2023, 12:32:12 pm »
Quote from: Krestella on February 06, 2023, 12:20:57 pm
i'm crying because Brooke called me "sister". I am a total mess...


thank you all, It means alot to me to hear your support.

Big Hugs Krestella! 


Warmly,

Brooke
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Offline Allison R

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Re: I guess this is me now...
« Reply #8 on: February 06, 2023, 02:48:51 pm »
I remember my first few posts on this site having to stop between each word to clear the tears out of my eyes so I could see what I was typing. You are in good company here. Acceptance and advice and help all around. Let me also say...

Thank you for your service, and Welcome. As Jessica said, more than welcome.

Allison
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Offline Maid Marion

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Re: I guess this is me now...
« Reply #9 on: February 06, 2023, 05:51:52 pm »
Hi Krestella!

Also a sister engineer!

I've used my engineering skills to efficiently take care of a huge garden!

I'm really small, so instead of HRT or surgery, I've been able to use diet and exercise, along with some favorable genetics, to achieve and maintain an hourglass figure!

Marion
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Offline tgirlamg

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Re: I guess this is me now...
« Reply #10 on: February 06, 2023, 10:01:28 pm »
Quote from: Krestella on February 06, 2023, 11:46:58 am
Hello,
It is a beginning... I would like to start by saying that I am thankful that this site exists. While there is content available as videos, the ability to connect with people that are living and thriving, struggling and triumphing is a source of relief for me. I am unsure what I will find on this journey. Let me tell the short story that I have never told anyone.
  Almost a year ago, while on a family vacation for the 4th of July, I was reading up on what it means to be trans because my oldest chosen child identifies as a trans man and I wanted to be the most supportive parent I could be. While reading an article about an older trans-woman's realization, I discovered the truth of my identity. It wasn't like reading one article and bam. It was more the culmination of a lifetime of interest and months of research that the realization hit me. And then bam the dam burst and the hundreds of articles and dozens of videos worth of information flooded over me. They were talking about me... I literally hit the floor and couldn't breathe. I am not prone to panic attacks but I am sure that was what that was. Just thinking back to it brings my heart to my throat. This is a major possibly insurmountable problem for me.
  Now... allow me to tell you a few things about myself. I am a 42 year old trans-woman. I am married and a father of 4. Two mine and two adopted. I am an engineer, a science nerd, DnD geek, a bookworm, and a veteran of Kosovo, Iraq, and Afghanistan. I am closeted with the exception of my therapist, because I find myself in a precarious situation.
  I am trying to figure out what this means for my future and that of my family.  I found this site looking for answers, and I have found some...

thank you,
K
 

Welcome Krestella,

You have indeed landed in a wonderful place to better explore what all this stuff means and learn of the myriad of ways that others have dealt, or are dealing with many of the same issus you are experiencing… We all have many common threads!

Sounds like you have done a good bit of homework already!… You have probably already come across this but just in case not…  you may seen your life and development described quite well in this paper under the heading of group 3 individuals…

https://avitale.com/essays-details/?name=the-gender-variant-phenomenon--a-developmental-review-5

I also experienced the revelation of my inner truth much like a light switch going on in 2013…  you will find your way with all stuff wherever it takes you!… move ahead with courage, self honesty and hope in your heart… for there is much to be hopeful about 🌻

Thank You for your service and… All good things to you in your travels to come!

Onward We Go!

Ashley 🙋‍♀️🌻💕

PS… If you were an engineer in USACE, I worked for contractors on USACE jobs for about 18 years 🙋‍♀️🌻💕


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“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment” ... Ralph Waldo Emerson 🌸

“The individual has always had to struggle from being overwhelmed by the tribe... But, no price is too high for the privilege of owning yourself” ... Rudyard Kipling 🌸

Let go of the things that no longer serve you... Let go of the pretense of the false persona, it is not you... Let go of the armor that you have worn for a lifetime, to serve the expectations of others and, to protect the woman inside... She needs protection no longer.... She is tired of hiding and more courageous than you know... Let her prove that to you....Let her step out of the dark and feel the light upon her face.... amg🌸 Before / After
🌻 https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,251753.60.html 🌻

Offline Krestella

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Re: I guess this is me now...
« Reply #11 on: February 07, 2023, 05:31:42 pm »
Quote from: tgirlamg on February 06, 2023, 10:01:28 pm
Welcome Krestella,

You have indeed landed in a wonderful place to better explore what all this stuff means and learn of the myriad of ways that others have dealt, or are dealing with many of the same issus you are experiencing… We all have many common threads!

Sounds like you have done a good bit of homework already!… You have probably already come across this but just in case not…  you may seen your life and development described quite well in this paper under the heading of group 3 individuals…

https://avitale.com/essays-details/?name=the-gender-variant-phenomenon--a-developmental-review-5

I also experienced the revelation of my inner truth much like a light switch going on in 2013…  you will find your way with all stuff wherever it takes you!… move ahead with courage, self honesty and hope in your heart… for there is much to be hopeful about 🌻

Thank You for your service and… All good things to you in your travels to come!

Onward We Go!

Ashley 🙋‍♀️🌻💕

PS… If you were an engineer in USACE, I worked for contractors on USACE jobs for about 18 years 🙋‍♀️🌻💕

wow... that was an informative study...anxiety inducing but well written. Thank you for sharing.

K
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Offline tgirlamg

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Re: I guess this is me now...
« Reply #12 on: February 07, 2023, 06:29:41 pm »
Quote from: Krestella on February 07, 2023, 05:31:42 pm
wow... that was an informative study...anxiety inducing but well written. Thank you for sharing.

K

Hey Krestella!

Don’t let any of this stuff trouble you… there will be great value and opportunities for personal growth by coming to explore the parts of you that have been buried for a lifetime…. It is a good thing to come to “Know Thyself” as the Ancient Greek maxim states… None of what you find will dictate that any particular path be taken but, will provide you with a better foundation to make any and all changes you believe may better serve your life’s journey… The world, and all options… are yours!

Onward!

Ashley 🙋‍♀️🌻💕
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“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment” ... Ralph Waldo Emerson 🌸

“The individual has always had to struggle from being overwhelmed by the tribe... But, no price is too high for the privilege of owning yourself” ... Rudyard Kipling 🌸

Let go of the things that no longer serve you... Let go of the pretense of the false persona, it is not you... Let go of the armor that you have worn for a lifetime, to serve the expectations of others and, to protect the woman inside... She needs protection no longer.... She is tired of hiding and more courageous than you know... Let her prove that to you....Let her step out of the dark and feel the light upon her face.... amg🌸 Before / After
🌻 https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,251753.60.html 🌻

Offline Krestella

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Re: I guess this is me now...
« Reply #13 on: February 09, 2023, 12:41:03 pm »
Quote from: Maid Marion on February 06, 2023, 05:51:52 pm
Hi Krestella!

Also a sister engineer!

I've used my engineering skills to efficiently take care of a huge garden!

I'm really small, so instead of HRT or surgery, I've been able to use diet and exercise, along with some favorable genetics, to achieve and maintain an hourglass figure!

Marion
Marion,
That sound really exciting. I can't access profiles yet to see if you have talked about the exercise and diet you are using to get such results. Would you mind sharing?
   The garden you are taking care of, I would love to know more. As for myself, I am a nuclear engineer. I have worked power plants, prototypes for power plants and consulted on theory as well. My latest gig was as the chief engineer on a particle accelerator that was doing research on cancer drugs.
I am glad to see other engineers!

K
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Offline Maid Marion

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Re: I guess this is me now...
« Reply #14 on: February 09, 2023, 01:20:44 pm »
I have a balance beam scale in the dining room to monitor my weight.  My weight is 108 lbs for a bmi of 20.
My diet is based on portion control and cooking single servings to make really tasty food.
I'll cherry pick a nice Porterhouse steak and cut it up into one tenderloin and two NY strip steaks.
Cooking single servings allows me plenty of practice and experimentation to cook better.

I do a lot of gardening while squatting to build up my lower body.  My hip are 34 inches.  32A bra size.
Most girls here are top heavy, as it is hard to build up the lower body and surgery to fix that is very risky.
I find that golf is great for getting a thin waistline without running into repetitive stress injuries.  24 inch waist.

I grow hundreds of small flowering shrubs.  Roses, camellias, azaleas, rhododendrons and peonies.  Too many to remember them all.  I prune them all year as the weather allows.  The ones that I prune do really well.

Marion
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Offline Courtney G

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Re: I guess this is me now...
« Reply #15 on: February 09, 2023, 01:27:52 pm »
Krestella:

Welcome to the group. Congratulations on taking the brave steps of coming out to yourself and sharing your story here. I think the most comforting thing is knowing you're not alone, and you'll find that to be true in so many ways. I've identified myself as a "G3" and while I struggle with shame and fear, I know that it doesn't make me any less valid. There are many ways to do this, so don't look at this challenge as an insurmountable mountain that must be scaled, rather a journey that lays in front of you, with some ups and downs, and the power to choose your path(s) falling squarely in your hands. By being honest with yourself, you're already doing it "right." Give yourself a break when you can; you'll figure all of this out in due time.

We'll be here to support you when you need us.

Hugs,
Courtney
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