Topic: The in between stage of appearance

[ChrissyRyan]

What did you do when you were in that in between stage of appearance in your MTF transition?

Such as when you own hair has grown and has been styled, helping to make your appearance feminine.
But at the same time you can pass frequently, there are times when you do not?

It is the time when it is for sure harder for you to pass as your old male self, yet you are not male failing all the time (at least by your looks if your female voice has not been developed).

Chrissy

[TXSara]

My strategy was to present male until I couldn't pull it off anymore.  Once I was hitting the "male fail" point with strangers without trying, I knew it was time to make the jump.  Truthfully, I hit that point about a month or two before my FFS, but I held on just a little longer knowing that I REALLY wouldn't be able to pass as male after that.

Once I hit that crossover point (after my FFS), I went with feminine presentation full time along with name and pronoun changes.  I didn't have much of a social issue with the abrupt change because I had been letting people know both (a) that it was coming, and (b) about when to expect it.  Everybody's experiences will vary, but that strategy has worked out pretty well for me. 

~Sara

[jennifer7020]

If I am not a tween I will be over the next few months.

I don't mean to be flippant here. The first thought in my head was that I've decided not to care. Which is and is not accurate.

I mean I do care how I look. I want to pass. I am working on the skills to pass. My body type is not particularly passable with out a lot of work. So I have a kind of thick skin and am working on what does and does not work from a standpoint of clothes, makeup, jewelry etc.   I live in a very very accepting city. Residents are wonderfully supportive. I  also live in a tourist destination, so I hear you Mr Southern Accent whispering loudly  but you really just let it go.  A thick skin does wonders. Since I won't pass for years, realistically, the thick skin approach feels good for me.

In the 'if this helps' department... I am up to needing a cami or sports bra. Less for support, more because my nipples are bigger and more sensitive. I am proud of my middle-schoolish A cups, thank you. I started with a few ambiguous tops, like boyfriend shirts with collars 'n' jeans. I like them, not love them. I am putting color, texture, and prints slowly into my daily style. I am seriously short of summer clothes and yoga-wear. For me wearing clothes, makeup, jewelry all day and out of my apartment have been real eye openers, both making me want more and helping me figure out what works and doesn't work. Thankfully I've not failed *that* much.

Like everyone is going to say-- your mileage is going to vary. How fast or slow you make changes is intensely personal. I'd  say there is not a single right answer except what you ultimately do that helps you feel best.

I hope this made sense & good luck.

Jenn

[ChrissyRyan]

This topic link may be helpful to some:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,250432.0.html

[Maid Marion]

It comes down to learning situational awareness.  Women don't have as much freedom to dress and go wherever they want as men do.  Avoid bad situations.  Do you really need to go to a Walmart in a run down part of town?

I would avoid the in between stage as much as possible.  Avoid ambiguity as this makes people uncomfortable.
Either dress like a girl or a guy.  Not in between.  The fancy name for this is the uncanny valley. 

Marion

[ChrissyRyan]

Now that I am past my thirties it is harder for me to wear a feminine hairstyle (Bob cut) and present as easily as a male.  When in the twenties or thirties, lots of guys sport longer styles, and a few I see do wear ponytails but not many of the long haired styles look very good on a guy.

So when I am out as myself, my hair helps, but it is getting to be harder to present as male when desired, although I can brush and comb the style some, especially with some mousse. 

So I am not male fail yet.  I have some fear of crossing that line, yet it is also something I want happening.
I have some issues that I need to deal with obviously!

I wish I was 5’3” and not six or seven inches taller.  That I think would help with the male fail.

Chrissy

[ChrissyRyan]

It comes down to learning situational awareness.  Women don't have as much freedom to dress and go wherever they want as men do.  Avoid bad situations.  Do you really need to go to a Walmart in a run down part of town?

I would avoid the in between stage as much as possible.  Avoid ambiguity as this makes people uncomfortable.
Either dress like a girl or a guy.  Not in between.  The fancy name for this is the uncanny valley. 

Marion

Being small and pretty like you Marion would likely make for easier MTF transitioning.

Chrissy

[ChrissyRyan]

My strategy was to present male until I couldn't pull it off anymore.  Once I was hitting the "male fail" point with strangers without trying, I knew it was time to make the jump.  Truthfully, I hit that point about a month or two before my FFS, but I held on just a little longer knowing that I REALLY wouldn't be able to pass as male after that.

Once I hit that crossover point (after my FFS), I went with feminine presentation full time along with name and pronoun changes.  I didn't have much of a social issue with the abrupt change because I had been letting people know both (a) that it was coming, and (b) about when to expect it.  Everybody's experiences will vary, but that strategy has worked out pretty well for me. 

~Sara

Sara,

That makes sense.

Chrissy

[ChrissyRyan]

It comes down to learning situational awareness.  Women don't have as much freedom to dress and go wherever they want as men do.  Avoid bad situations.  Do you really need to go to a Walmart in a run down part of town?

I would avoid the in between stage as much as possible.  Avoid ambiguity as this makes people uncomfortable.
Either dress like a girl or a guy.  Not in between.  The fancy name for this is the uncanny valley. 

Marion

That is a new term for me.  I never heard of “uncanny valley.”


Chrissy

[Jessica_K]

My male/female presentations are very different. I have very fine hair that I keep fairly short and the infamous bald patch. When being male I look close to my age, but still have many male fails. When I preset female I wear my wig and makeup and suddenly I am 20-30 years younger. I don’t remember really having a transition point as I kinda passed as soon as I started to dress female and that I did right at the start. BANG I was Jessica.
Hugs
Xxx

[ChrissyRyan]

My male/female presentations are very different. I have very fine hair that I keep fairly short and the infamous bald patch. When being male I look close to my age, but still have many male fails. When I preset female I wear my wig and makeup and suddenly I am 20-30 years younger. I don’t remember really having a transition point as I kinda passed as soon as I started to dress female and that I did right at the start. BANG I was Jessica.
Hugs
Xxx

Thanks for sharing!

Chrissy

[Oldandcreaky]

I went maximum masculinity when I began male failing: suit, tie, and short hair. I also, when using public bathrooms, kept my head down and hurried. I found it to be an interesting time, being seen as male one moment and five seconds later, being seen as female. It was also a tough time as I dropped a lot of weight.

[ChrissyRyan]

I went maximum masculinity when I began male failing: suit, tie, and short hair. I also, when using public bathrooms, kept my head down and hurried. I found it to be an interesting time, being seen as male one moment and five seconds later, being seen as female. It was also a tough time as I dropped a lot of weight.

O & C:

Thank you for sharing.

Chrissy

[noleen111]

First thing - confidence

Learn to blend in and dress your age. This will help to keep unwanted attention from yourself.

When I first started out as a full time female, i dressed very gender neutral in public. I would wear a pair of jeans with long oversized top, the top would be a little feminine. At this time I already had long hair and pierced ears as during my cross dressing days I hated wearing wigs so I grew my hair, my ears, well I wanted to wear earrings and it ok for men to have long hair and pierced ears. Before my breasts became noticeable,I would stuff my bra.. nothing too big as i wanted to blend, I wanted my breasts to be noticeable, but forgettable. If you walked past me, you might notice me, but after 10 seconds you would forget about me. My friend told me once, if i wore my hair loose and a pair of hoop earrings, i looked more female than male during that time. I will admit, I never had very strong masculine features in my face.. so when hormones feminized me, i passed quite easily. I was never called, so if someone did clock me, they never said anything.

As the effects of hormones feminized me, i became more and more braver and I my dress sense went from gender neutral to more female/

To blend, you need to dress for the occasion, for example a trip to the grocery store, women don't generally dress up for that.. so if you arrive in 5inch heels, a dress that is more suited for a club and you face plastered with makeup, people will notice you and if you don't pass well, you will be noticed...

[Jessica_K]

Good advice Noleen, my dress was mostly pants and top, as I had gone femme socially at work and days out as my partner (now wife) was not supportive. My makeup was subtle, enough to hide the blemishes but not so much as to stand out. I do tend to do a little more now, but only the “I am not dressed until I have my face on”

My confidence level is very high and I will engage and start conversations with strangers as it feels natural, my mannerisms and gestures remove any small doubts anyone can have, that would be more of a flag if I did not have eye contact and a smile. Hiding in the corner, rushing into rest rooms are thing men do. Someone said to me of late that men in restrooms have no eye contact and a straight ahead look as it is the only place they have their todger on show. Us women do not think that way.

Hugs xxx
Jessica

[big kim]

I was hanging round on the punk & rock scene in 1990 when I started HRT & eletrolysis. I'd grown my hair out from a long slicked back DA (like Jax in Sons of Anarchy) to a long shag & had it dyed red then a spiral perm so no one thought anything off! I was wearing T shirts, stretch jeans, bullet belt & leather jacket.
I did get asked what I'd been doingg as I was starting to look younger (I was 32 then)
I kind of look like an old bird watcher now with a long silver braid, walking boots, hiking pants & fleece!

[Rachel]

Hi, at some point just dress as your gender and do not look back. I think if in male mode and gendered half of the time as female then take the plunge and go full time.

I went full time way before I could pass. I really did not like expressing. Later it is just normal for me to express.  It was tough but I wanted GCS and did what I needed to do. When I had hair transplants the first time the guy at the front desk at the hotel gendered me male. When I can back for my second round of hair graphs I was gendered female by the same guy 6 months later. This is after GCS but before my BA.

Now I never am gendered male, guys hold the door for me all the time. Guys check me out at the gym and when I am out and at work.

[RobynTx]

I don't remember that stage much.  I had to come out at work because it was too difficult to hide a bra under my uniform.  The final straw was when I had to take an ambulance ride for kidney stone.  I work as a paramedic for the same service at that time.  I knew HIPPA would protect me but I knew it was a matter of time so I came out on Facebook.  Word spread quickly from that.  I was still in between like was asked.  My partner on the ambulance didn't care but automatically started using she her pronouns.  It was finally settled when we were posting at a gas station.  I had to go in and pee.  I came out as my partner was about to go in, I was still using the men's restroom at that time.  I was talking to him in the hallway and a stranger walked by and got confused as to why I was so close to the men's restroom.  It was from that moment on I started using the women's restroom.