Community Conversation > Non-binary talk

Sexually Confused . . .

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gina_taylor:
Very interesting theory there Melissa. I am definately sure that I am a woman ( and that is not just based on that Gender Test) but I am very much attracted  to men.

Today I received a very lovely hand made card from a friend who I have been corresponding with for a while and on the front it said: "I'm Thinking Of You." and when I opened it on the left side of  the card it said" "I Love You" and then he expressed himself with some very hearfelt words on the right side of the card.

Now I have thought of the possibility that I may be Bi, but I have come to the conclusion that I make better friends with women than I do anything else.

I read through that thread that Stephanie had suggested, and unfortunately there wasn't too much there that could help me.

But you know Melissa, you're right when you say:"That one of the great things about being transsexual, is that the sexual orientation thing is so confusing, that you can confuse anybody trying to insult you."

Gina  :)

madison:
Until I came to Susan's it had never occurred to me that these questions of sexuality would be so prominent. I always imagined that out crossdressers and transitioning people would have all the answers, had it all worked out, had made it all make sense. But I guess I was less alone in my confusion than I thought.

I kind of view the orientation concept in simple terms.

A genetic male or a transitioning FTM that likes women is hetero.
A genetic male or a transitioning FTM that likes men is gay.
A genetic female or a transitioning MTF that likes men is hetero.
A genetic female or a transitioning FTM that likes women is gay.
A MTF crossdresser that likes women is hetero.
A MTF crossdresser that likes men is gay.
A FTM crossdresser that likes men is hetero.
A FTM crossdresser that likes women is gay.
And anybody who likes men AND women is bisexual.

And I base this more on the plumbing as it were, than on the emotional content of those relationships. Hetero or gay in my mind has everything to do with sexual orientation in relation to sexual organs.

The problem I see coming up time and time again in these types of discussions is some sort of stigma that trans people seem to place on the thought of being attracted to members of the same sex OUTSIDE of gender adjusted presentation. It's almost as if a male crossdresser can think it is disgusting/inappropriate for two men to share emotional and sexual energy, but if one of the "men" involved is presenting as a woman, it somehow makes it less disgusting/inappropriate. (Side note: I haven't seen so much of this attitude in such a blatant manner from the FTM members of Susan's).

I know that I am painting with broad strokes here, but the impression I get is that there are some limited views on sexual orientation floating around the <not allowed> community. Gender and sexuality are often referred to as two wholly separate things. I posit that this is not true at all. However gender and sexuality are not intrinisically locked into an either/or dichotomy. You can be a straight crossdresser or a gay crossdresser. The only problem comes in from attaching negative sentiments to any of those terms. In my case, I was always afraid of being gay and crossdressing, so I presented as straight male to counter anyone calling me on crossdressing.

If you remove any negative attachments in your mind to the terms gay or straight, then what you have left are convenient labels to clear up any confusion as to "what way you swing." In this sense, presentation becomes seperate from sexuality in the one way that might matter most to a prospective partner that otherwise finds you emotionally and intellectually compatible; what exactly is under those knickers?

Bear in mind that I also prescribe to the Kinsey sliding scale of sexual orientation. Not everyone is all or nothing in any category, but having some broad labels to put things in perspective isn't necessarily a bad thing. It is what we do with the labels that makes them positive or negative.

As for the emotional and intellectual aspects of human relationships, not all straight people have the same kind of sex, nor do all gay people, and nor would I expect <not allowed> people to either. I can be a gay male who likes being feminine, but it doesn't make me a woman, regardless of how I present in or out of bed, if I am a guy finding romance with another guy. Or to call myself a male lesbian if I preferred sex with women but wear a dress does nothing but dilute perfectly good vocabulary words and further obfuscate what you and I already know: Love and romance is still love and romance regardless of what you look like or who it's with. Or at least that is how my overly tolerant mind and heart sees it.

I'm Paul Harvey and now you know the rest of the story.

jan c:
OH this just became a rilly good thread, Madison. hey!

--- Quote from: madison on April 18, 2006, 05:57:43 am ---Until I came to Susan's it had never occurred to me that these questions of sexuality would be so prominent. I always imagined that out crossdressers and transitioning people would have all the answers, had it all worked out, had made it all make sense. But I guess I was less alone in my confusion than I thought.

And I base this more on the plumbing as it were, than on the emotional content of those relationships. Hetero or gay in my mind has everything to do with sexual orientation in relation to sexual organs.

The problem I see coming up time and time again in these types of discussions is some sort of stigma that trans people seem to place on the thought of being attracted to members of the same sex OUTSIDE of gender adjusted presentation. It's almost as if a male crossdresser can think it is disgusting/inappropriate for two men to share emotional and sexual energy, but if one of the "men" involved is presenting as a woman, it somehow makes it less disgusting/inappropriate.


--- End quote ---

Well now: one the major clues to me after all in these TS thing, as not imagining but Seeing Myself (have I mentioned that I was a teenage acidhead?) as a woman full on, you know receving.
And as I am so not tryina experience a failure of imagination in this, I can see that, well, that essential change in plumbing may need some, ahem, events of a very fulfilling nature.

I was never a crossdresser, this is more essential than clothing; like Eminem I was a little scared of something hidden (though not a textbook homophobe); shared energy with a male, not a problem, but anyone who can hook up a DVD player can tell you, a male plug does not fit a male jack.
And to ME, the option available seems a little less-than-authentic...
Make sense, Paul-(ine?)?

Wendy Cronkite sez "And that's the way it is".




gina_taylor:
Hey Madison,

You've brought up some very good points in your post.

Unfortunately society views cross-dressers adn transitioning people as the same, as in  terms of sexual orientation. They automatically think that a MtF prefers men and vice versa with the FtM.

Technically I really don't think it has anythingto do with the plumbing, but more on how a person really feels. As for myself, I just feel more attracted to men than I do to women, and that is more on an inner feeling thna it is on anything else.

I've been in situations where I've been at a Gender Friendly nightclub, and a gay person comes  up to me and he sees me as a woman, but he's only got one thing on his mind. I once sat and talked with a guy for a good hour before he did anything sexually with me. But that's a very good thought there  about  a male crossdresser  can think it is disgusting/inappropriate for two men to share emotional and sexual energy, but if one of the "men" involved is presenting as a woman, it somehow makes it less disgusting/inappropriate.

Gina  :)

michelle:
I know that I am a female.   I have never really been envolved in many sexual relationships.   When seeing men and women in public, I am sexually attracted to women.   I tend to think of the sexual act in  terms a long term relationship with another person.  I currently have a long term relationship with a female.   I have never had a long term relationship with a man  or any physical sexual relationship.  Whether this makes me gay or bi or not makes no sense to me.   Intellectually I can accept a relationship with a man, but I have never been in the presence of a man I would have a relationship with.   Life is simpler for me to leave sex out of my identity and be a person to other people.   Yes, I do like sex and have physically fathered six children.  Raising these children I have taken part in practically every male or female role except nursing and giving birth.    I guess my gender identity is female, I am monogogmus, and like many females will only have sex in the context of a long term relationship.

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