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Hsing Hsing Ming and being TG/Androgyne

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Constance:
To be honest, I'm still not entirely certain just how MtF TG I am, but it seems I'm leaning that way.

The sangha with which I practice has been chanting the Hsing Hsing Ming, the Mind of Absolute Trust. The translation we chant starts with...

the great way is not difficult
for those who are unattached to their preferences
let go of longing and aversion
and everything will be perfectly clear

I suppose I should discuss this with the teacher in doku-san, but I'm not so sure I'm ready for that yet.

So. To say that I'm attached to my preference to more fully express what I perceive my gender identity to be would be an accurate statement. From what I understand, it's not the preference that's "bad" per se, but the attachment to the preference or its outcome.

I find it difficult to let go of longing when I feel that I don't really fit into this male body. I wouldn't say that I'm experiencing aversion to it; that seems like a harsh word. Discomfort is probably closer to how I feel for now.

Have any others on this board tried practicing with the Hsing Hsing Ming with regards to their gender identities? If so, how did it work for you?

Melissa-kitty:
I find that verse very helpful.
That said, I see that deciding on an outcome, of my trans-ness, or my journey toward enlightenment, is unhelpful. It puts expectations that cause me trouble and pain.
Let go of longing.. that's really a hard one.. it tortures me endlessly. One can hold contradictory mind-states simultaneously. The longing and the need for non-attachment, for instance.
My feeling is that we should foster calmness, peace of mind, and try to keep expectations of ourselves and the world minimal.
Namaste, Tara

Constance:

--- Quote from: Tara on March 14, 2008, 12:01:47 pm ---My feeling is that we should foster calmness, peace of mind, and try to keep expectations of ourselves and the world minimal.

--- End quote ---
I'm going to have to "sit" with this, but I think I might be beginning to understand.

lady amarant:
Hmmmm. I'm no expert, nor even a real student of Buddhism, but I'll share my perspective, for what it is worth:

[queue self-indulgent mind-dump]In my personal philosophy, the wheel of Karma isn't as much about punishment or righting the scales as it is about learning and growing. To me, Enlightenment is a foregone conclusion for each of us, and the lifetimes we live necessary steps along that path. Some of us are presented with the circumstances needed to leapfrog along that path and achieve Nirvana, but not doing so is no burden - each of us are presented with a unique life and set challenges, and comparing makes no sense. We're all on the same road. So to me, the attachment we have to our correct gender, or to our sense of self worth through the things we own, or through whatever challenges we face, are not obstacles to be overcome so much as they are gifts for us to learn from or to develop the virtues we, as enlightened beings, must cultivate. Virtues such as perseverence, being true to ourselves, forgiveness and compassion, those sorts of things.

To me the whole point is not to overcome things - that is in and of itself a desire, an aggressive act. Rather, by accepting without judgement, and with perfect compassion (Because all too often we are the last person we show compassion and non-judgement to) both the enlightened and the unenlightened within ourselves, we rise above them.[/queue self-indulgent mind-dump]

Or maybe I'm just full of it. I frequently am. ;)

Constance:
I remember reading in the Damapada that one should not fill one's time with that which poisons one's consciousness. I'll have to double-check to get the exact wording.

But if I understand this properly, in conjunction with the Hsing Hsing Ming, then pursuing my true gender identity would remove some poison from my consciousness.

As I understand it, the goal of Buddhism is to relieve suffering. So, perhaps my longing to be somewhat in between male and female isn't interfering with my path, but is simply part of my path.

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