Community Conversation > Crossdresser talk

Gone 2 far?

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4years:
I am not sure if jewelry is a viable outlet or not, but an anklet can be hidden beneath socks without issue, or at least no one has ever commented about mine.
There are ‘male’ bracelets as well; thick link copper chain. … *shrug* can claim you think it’s therapeutic. (In my experience copper has to be constantly close to the skin for any effects but I digress). You can probably find some nice ‘unisex’ finger rings for that matter.

Perhaps a thought anyway.

Terri-Gene:
 "is the loss of such friends really any loss at all ?"

Yes, when you put it in perspective. That is what makes it so hard.  I have always had so very few real friends and lately even less, but I still have a wife of 25 years who while still with me does not accept this in the least.  In all those years, half of her life and almost half of mine, she has proven her love and devotion to me in ways that cannot be denied, yet she seeks to return me to some resemblance of what she married, or at least stop me where I'm at, even if I could never really be a man again rather then see me go on to surgery.  

She is devious and subtle sometimes about it, though she seems to accept and like other T's I have entroduced her to and taken her to visit with when going out of town to visit them so she could see for herself what our relationships were and what kind of people they were, not her worst fears, and yes, losing her, when it eventually happens will be a tremendous loss in my life and whatever she does trying to stop me is my responsibility, she knew nothing of this when we were married, at that time I thought I was winning the conflict and could really be a man without serious damage to myself, I was early into a law enforcement career and thought that duty and dedication would help maintain disipline or I would not be fast enough when my time came and end it all in a meaningful way.  I came close to self destruct less then 10 years later, total failure after thinking I had the strength to do it  We tried the crossdress/dual life for a while as a compromise, but it was empty for me.

She has told me in the past she has been fearfull of my drifting out of her life and needs me with her and at my present job for my insurance mostly and financial support as she has been deadly ill for sometime and is on SSI as her only means of personal support after a high rising career of her own.  

I have obtained all I can from my present employment/insurance and had been considering starting over again elsewhere alone, but I must stay until she is able to stand on her own again and then, wish it or not it will be goodby unless something changes but she says it will not as my continued presance hurts her to much in my present form, let alone surgery, to remain longer.  And no, it will not be an easy loss.  Our lives are so closely intertwined.

Such people are only following their own dreams of rebuilding a shattered life and are really no different then we who must do the same.

You can't just dismiss them because they are afraid or can not adjust to the change in relationship. even when they fight you every step of the way.  It is trumatic to them and they are only human.  You can only cope as best as possible and go on anyway, regardless.

Just as we must do what we must do, so do they and we can only try to understand while we break their hearts and minds while continuing to save our own at their expense.  We only do it because we can not do otherwise.  The alternative is no option at all.

Just one's feelings and thoughts on this.

Terri

4years:
“You can only cope as best as possible and go on anyway, regardless.”
Which was/is rather my point.

It should be noted that I am not speaking of our Significant Others (of which our children qualify as also) when I say friends and family. (perhaps I should be saying blood-relation really)

How much say do we give people? Do we stand with them and be the version of ourselves that they want us to be? Who do we allow to dictate to us what we are? Somewhere in the sand a line must be drawn. I suggest being very reserved with who we allow to run our lives.

Honestly I’m not for discarding anyone, but it is wise to realize what our relationships do to us.

tammygirluk:
Sometimes its not as simple as who we let run out lifes coz if u still live with your parents you have to do as they say and in other cases you try to be someone else coz u dont wana upset em coz u love em.just parents i mean......

4years:
Valid point.
Though generally speaking you only have to appease those you live with.

If you want to do as other say because you want to please them then you have to find a compromise of doing what you want for you vs doing what you want for them. Hopefully you can get those wants to run in tandem.

I am not advocating live your life your way and to hell with everyone else by the by. Rather I think making everyone happy is the way to go, but make sure you make yourself happy in there somewhere too!

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