Community Conversation > Significant Others talk

What about parents?

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Ok, so this is for significant others.  I don't fit into that category, but I'm a parent with a lot of questions and I don't really see any other place to look.  Her (still male but psychologically female so I'm gonna use female pronoun) wife isn't all that supportive, but my wife and I are going to the max to support our eventually-to-be daughter.  Jess came out to us Monday afternoon/night/Tuesday morning.  Apparently, she was really surprised by our acceptance.  We had known something wasn't right for about six years, and were really worried about her.  I know this is a HUGE issue for her, but we were really relieved that it was something that has a solution.  She had bottled up her feelings for so long, it was really nice to hear her laugh.  I have enormous feelings of guilt that she was so miserable at what she perceived as her failure to live up to what she perceived as my expectations.  She has been seeing a therapist of 'depression' but that was only a small part of the problem.  After talking to my wife and me, she's in the process of finding a new therapist with experience in the right area.  Because of her current situation at her home, she will be moving in with my wife and myself, and, hopefully, staying with us throughout her transition.  After telling the two kids still at home (both male--ages 18 and 15); their response was 'ok, no big deal,' their biggest concern was that she would be hogging the bathroom.  That was alleviated when we discussed chores.  She is going to take over cleaning up the kitchen, and both boys were overjoyed.  We HAVE tried to raise them in a somewhat open, accepting manner; I guess it worked.  I'm somewhat confused about all this, and feeling guilty that she's been SO miserable for so long.  I feel like it's something that I should have known about a long time ago, so we could have started working together for a solution.  But, that's water under the bridge.  What I need to know is what I can specifically do to help her through a long, involved, painful (both physically and emotionally) process.  As to acceptance, after raising five boys, having a daughter is going to be a lot of fun.  Pity she doesn't like fishing, though; that's a big part of my life, but I have to understand that fishing is part of MY life, not her's.  Right now, we've told her that she is ALWAYS welcome in our home (especially as she is going to move in), and to act like herself, in whatever way she feels comfortable.  What we need to know is how to make her feel comfortable.  I suppose I have to pound it through her head that even if she is female, that doesn't mean she can't thump the <not allowed> out of anyone who bothers her.  Self-defense is a viable option, at least in my opinion.  Even to the point of armed response.  Do I worry about her?  Hell yes, I do.  The therapist she had been seeing managed to push her almost to the point of suicide.  I was ready to kill him.  Literally.  Fortunately, she got that mess straightened out, and got some good advice (and an apology) from him.  Hmm, this posting isn't turning out quite like I planned.  I guess I'm just rambling on.  We had a saying when I was in the Air Force:  "I may not agree with their choice, but I will defend with my life their right to make that choice."  Well, that still holds with me.  Her choice isn't one that I'd make, but I am determined to support it.  I just need the tools and information to do that.  I welcome any comments, recommendations, references, hell, just about anything that will help us out.

wajdi (Jess' dad)

You are a great father wajdi.

Jessica is very fortunate to have you. I think most all information you seek is available at Susan's main page, wiki, links or the forum.

I do have one comment that i think is important. It is extreamly important for you to help and support Jessica in any way you can, but be careful not to take the lead. <not allowed>/transsexuals need to go at their own pace, sometimes even stalling for a bit before moving on. be ready to help when ever she needs it and be ready to leave her be if she seems content to remain as she is at some point along the way. rather than a trip from San Francisco to NYC that we plan an arrival date and schedule our stops, this is just heading east, driving as far as we feel like today and taking each fork in the road as they come. Some of us end up in montana or florida and never make it to NYC.

You are a special man wajdi, i know you will be a great help to Jessica. i wish you all much love and happiness.


I'm sure I speak for many of us when I say we'll do our best to answer your questions and help where we can.

It's refreshing to see a parent with your attitude. My mum's coming around, but wouldn't reach out for help if it was sitting in her living room. My dad, unfortunately, passed away a couple of years ago. I think he would've been a great help in helping Mum understand this.

When Jess finds a therapist, it might help you to talk to that person too if there's anything you're still pondering.



--- Quote from: wajdi on June 30, 2005, 01:54:21 pm ---Ok, so this is for significant others.  I don't fit into that category, but I'm a parent with a lot of questions and I don't really see any other place to look. 
--- End quote ---

Parents and family are significant others. It's anyone who through a relationship has a close association with a transsexual. The relationship could be marriage, dating, family, and more. So yes you are a significant other. I am sure Jess would agree.

While the title does mention those who are dealing with GID this is a great resource.

Parents and Friends of Lesbians And gays


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