Community Conversation > Male to female transsexual talk (MTF)

Random Thoughts

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Cailyn:
I too experienced all of those feelings and then some.  All normal, all sane.

Transition is a process.  There are some general rules or concepts but your transition will not neccesarily follow that same path.  Some people take many years in a gentle gradual process and some people fall off a cliff and it isn't possible to see your course ahead of time.  What you think you see now will surely be different as you progress and it isn't possible to see the "big picture".  Concern yourself with what you're doing now.  A year ago, I had no real plan to go full time, I didn't consider it an option.  I had no plans for FFS or GRS but I have now fisnished my second round of FFS with Mark Zukowski and have an appointment with Marci Bowers.  I am full time.  Accept it is not possible to know where you'll be a year from now.  That was the first big lesson in transition that I took home from my therapist. 

Trying to visualize how you'll look or act--most of us do it.  Just accept that in the end, you won't likely measure up to that image you have.  Give up the idea of yourself as a freak or ogre.  Most of us have that feeling at some point.  Some things you can change, some things you can't.  Part of this is learning to accept who you are.  Don't try to force yourself into a stereotype of what you or society thinks a woman should be.  I don't wear dresses or skirts, wear makeup, or many of the other things "real" women do.  Fact is, real women fill a huge spectrum of looks and identities.  Make this about who YOU really are.

The sense of coming alive is also very real.  I felt like I was coming out of a coma.  The sense of disconnect is also very real given the immense changes ahead of you.  Work with a therapist, write a journal if need be.

Good luck on your journey.

Cailyn

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