Author Topic: Communicating  (Read 2712 times)

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stephanie_craxford

Communicating
« on: July 14, 2005, 08:43:01 pm »
I've spoken several times about the importance communication in relationships.  It has to be an ongoing thing that never ends.  I think that if it did then the relationship would end soon afterwards.  Tonight at supper, my wife and I were talking about how our relationship is going.  It started out with her saying that she is becoming uncomfortable with me kissing her on the lips.  I said "but you know how much I love you", and she replied "I know, I love you so much as well, but you are a woman now".  She is right of course, so I asked her what should I do, and she told me that hugs are just as nice.  :) Simple...  not always.

We are not intimate the way we used to be (she is not a lesbian)  so we were talking about the possibility that one of us may meet someone who would be able to give us the intimacy we are missing now.  We've always known this and we went on to discuss how we would have to disolve everything we worked for and had (we've dated since 1969).  We talked about how hard that would be and we joked about "who the heck would want to date the likes of us at our age anyway"  :)

Yes our relationship has changed, but I think we are both stronger for it.  We still love each other very much.  We are companions, best friends, soul mates, she is my strength.

Steph

Cassandra

Re: Communicating
« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2005, 02:40:29 am »
Steph,

It saddens me a little to read your post. It sounds like the two of you are contemplating a parting over a desire for physical intamacy that your wife cannot extend to another woman.
This is understandable, but I must ask, is it really all that important?

I ask because, my wife and I are very close, more so in an emotional rather than a physical sense. Our relationship transcended the physical long before I ever came out to her, so this is not merely a recent development brought on by HRT or any other aspect of my transition.

We are closer today than we were yesterday and we will be closer tommorow than we are today. We made a committement to each other long ago, and swore we would never part, and so we have not. Neither of us would trade a single day for what might have been nor what might otherwise be for we cannot imagine life without each other.

We have a tradition of always kissing each other before parting company to run errands take trips in which one of us cannot go, etc. The other day an occassion arose in which kissing each other good bye meant doing so in front of somebody else which was not unusual in and of itself but was the first time the occasion arose since I started living full time.

It did make my wife feel a little awkward and I could tell by the nature of the kiss. I discussed it with her on my return, and she addmited that she was not entirely enamered with the idea of being a lesbian just yet. I told her I understood and suggested we do the double cheek air kiss. That's the left to right cheek - kiss the air than the same right to left.

She now delights in this and laughs everytime we do it. At home we kiss as we always have and it is no longer an issue. As each new thing arises we talk it out and determine a course of action that will make us both feel comfortable.

I hope the two of you might take something from this and use it to smooth this rough spot, rather than let a desire for physical intimacy allow an element into your lifes that might end your lifes together prematurely.

I'm not sure if this will make sense to you or if maybe I'm just reading too much into your post. I just hate to see two people grow apart over what we consider a trivial aspect of a relationship.  Especially two people who have been together as long as the two of you have.

I know others don't see it that way, and we may be rather special in that aspect. I don't know. Maybe this will be useful to you.  I hope so. I wish you and your spouse all the best.

Cassie

stephanie_craxford

Re: Communicating
« Reply #2 on: July 15, 2005, 07:59:21 am »
Don't worry Cassie we're not contemplating any kind of split, any time soon, especially over intimacy.  Intimacy is nice but it's not everything,  there are other ways to show affection, and you mentioned some.  It's just something that we talk about, and we're comfortable discussing.  :)  As I mentioned we are very honest with each other, and after all it is a possibility, no matter how remote.  We are very happy together, and plan on growing old together. :)

Air kisses!!! yes now that's something we could try, I always giggle when you see it done on TV.  I'l have to ask her  :)

Thanks so much for your concern Cassie, it's what friends are for.  It's seems our situation or journey is very similar, which is comforting to know, I can really relate to you, and your wife.  It's nice to know there are those out there who can relate to our journeys trials and tribulations, as well as the happy, and joyous times.  Don't worry we're fine...

Thanks again Cassie

Steph

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