Author Topic: Dating Tips for Non-Ops  (Read 33389 times)

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Offline DebbySoufflage

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Re: Dating Tips for Non-Ops
« Reply #80 on: April 29, 2019, 03:01:59 am »
I have met a great deal of everyday straight men who loved me enough as a person, to not care about my genitalia.

What I have experienced is that if you pass as a woman and are attractive, men tend to care less about your operative status.

It definitely is possible to meet cishet guys as a non-op trans woman.

I myself am non-op and I have found that men in their mid to late 30s who already have children are the perfect partner for us, trans women. They have fullfilled their need to reproduce already and thus most of them are willing to be in longterm relationships with trans women, whatever your operative status is.

Offline DebbySoufflage

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Re: Dating Tips for Non-Ops
« Reply #81 on: May 04, 2019, 08:59:56 pm »
Subscribed to a couple dating sites and have been honest from the start in my profile: “non-op MtF, on HRT for years, want to find a decent man who sees me as more than an exotic hook-up.”
I told the men right from the start that I do not see me not getting bottom surgery as making me lesser of a woman. My identity shouldn’t be dependent on an external procedure. And I think at least some of them got the message. Because I got non-fetishizing, trans-friendly messages in my inbox for the first time in a long while.
Sometimes outlining your boundaries really helps.

Offline KimOct

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Re: Dating Tips for Non-Ops
« Reply #82 on: May 05, 2019, 01:17:10 am »
My first time in this forum.  I guess because I don't consider myself non-op but that is certainly open to interpretation.

I did have an orchie but not vaginoplasty.  I had to go through the WPATH letters and stuff and it allowed me to change my birth certificate to female so I guess I consider an orchie GCS-lite to make up a word.   :D

Anyway, since I still have a penis and not a vagina that is going to be a major issue with a lot of people regarding dating therefore I am very interested in this thread. 

Thank you for starting it.  :)

I just went back and read a few pages.  Wow Debby you sure dug this out of the mothballs  :D.  Been awhile. Hopefully it will gain some interest.  I would like to hear others experiences.
The first transphobe you have to conquer is yourself

Offline DebbySoufflage

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Re: Dating Tips for Non-Ops
« Reply #83 on: May 21, 2019, 02:21:56 am »
I have started dating again recently, by going to clubs on Friday evenings and having drinks at local pubs one day during the week, when I have a less busy day at work. I also put up a few dating profiles on a couple of websites.

I had a lot of messages but most only wanted a hook up which I wasn’t interested in.

I made it clear in my profile that I’m looking for something substantial, not some “quick thing”.

So, that’s how I met this wonderful guy.

His name is Arne.

Arne and I hit it off pretty soon, first by messaging back and forth till late at night.
Then we went on our first date on Wednesday two weeks ago and had 3 more dates since then.

He admitted that he wasn’t into penis, but likes me too much to throw away the special chemistry we seem to have...

I’m not interested in bottom surgery, apart from maybe an orchie down the road.

I wonder how it will work out between me and him.

He called me beautiful and breathtaking several times since we met.

We made out without a problem.

We even had our first time together already and he called it “magic” .

But I’m still worried that sooner or later he will miss the vagina and go back to a woman who has it.

He told me that “ my womanhood is more than one body part “ and that there are enough women who can’t have vaginal intercourse for whatever reason but still manage to find a husband who loves them.

He wants to protect me all the time and text messages me a lot.

He however said that I have to get over my insecurity and fear of losing him.

I’m glad that I found a hetero cis man I match with in every single way.  But sometimes the little voice in my head that says “I’m lesser than a woman with a vagina” becomes overwhelming.

Keep you updated.

Luv,
Debby

Offline AlphaSinX

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Re: Dating Tips for Non-Ops
« Reply #84 on: May 21, 2020, 11:14:58 am »
Hi everyone,  hope I'd share a Male's perspective  in as it might be helpful or not. For me personally  it's all about character and personality. An example I made a good friend  with a girl and she was super cool nice and smart and after getting to know  each other she disclosed  that she was trans and at that point it really didn't matter because I enjoyed her perspective and enthusiasm and we just clicked. If your looking to  date I'd say show him or her your personality and character and tell them right after they have a glimpse. It may be that the person realizes any  preconceived notions or discrimination falls short to finding someone genuine and nice.

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Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Dating Tips for Non-Ops
« Reply #85 on: May 21, 2020, 11:33:19 am »
@AlphaSinX
Dear AlphaSinX   
    Thank you for coming to the Forums.
    I am most pleased that you had decided to join the Susan's Place site.

    Know that I am not trying to sidetrack your questions and thoughts.... but please allow me to officially welcome you here.
    Thank you for writing your first posting.... as you get more involved in exchanging comments on various posts other members will be along to offer their thoughts and comments in response to any of your specific questions and concerns..

    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.
 
    I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
   
    There is information and important LINKS that I have included below.   You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle


Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
 
Things that you should read
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
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Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Dating Tips for Non-Ops
« Reply #86 on: May 21, 2020, 12:25:46 pm »
@AlphaSinX
Dear AlphaSinX:

Please if you have the time try to stop by the Introductions Forum to tell more members a little about yourself!
The more that you share about yourself and let other members know about your arrival will allow you more give and take with other like-minded members here.   You may even find that you will make some new friends here on the forums.

Wishing you well as you get more involved in the forums and meet more members here.
Once again, WELCOME TO SUSAN'S PLACE

Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline Ellie_Arroway

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Re: Dating Tips for Non-Ops
« Reply #87 on: May 21, 2020, 04:53:40 pm »
Hi everyone,  hope I'd share a Male's perspective  in as it might be helpful or not. For me personally  it's all about character and personality. An example I made a good friend  with a girl and she was super cool nice and smart and after getting to know  each other she disclosed  that she was trans and at that point it really didn't matter because I enjoyed her perspective and enthusiasm and we just clicked. If your looking to  date I'd say show him or her your personality and character and tell them right after they have a glimpse. It may be that the person realizes any  preconceived notions or discrimination falls short to finding someone genuine and nice.

@AlphaSinX, I see our lovely Northern Star Girl has welcomed you here. I would like also to welcome you!

I would like to say that is a very insightful comment to make for your first post! - E
Started seriously questioning: 24 Aug 2019
Referred to GIC: 23 Sep 2019
Full-time female presentation since: 21 Oct 2019, unbroken since 12 Dec 2019
Official name change by deed poll: 11 Nov 2019
HRT: probably sometime in the 22nd century...
Most of my story is in the Just another mtf tale thread!
Twitch streamer MusicEllie

Offline AlphaSinX

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Re: Dating Tips for Non-Ops
« Reply #88 on: June 01, 2020, 01:10:57 pm »
Ty to both for the warm welcome  sorry I'm responding a bit tardy but I hope I helped someone  and looking to make good friends on here.  Hope everyone is being safe and healthy out there!

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Offline herekitten

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Re: Dating Tips for Non-Ops
« Reply #89 on: June 10, 2020, 12:37:51 pm »
DebbieSoufflage, I just wanted to wish you all my best in your new relationship.  I've lived long enough now to tell you that you are not alone in your thoughts, no matter how crazy.  One thing is for certain -- it's truly not about the accuracy of the genitals. If you like someone and they in turn share that like for you there is no limit where your relationship can go. When it turns to Love --- for both of you -- watch out my dear because it will be your heart that will be the most important and not your body parts or lack thereof.

If and when you get whatever it is you feel must be corrected, you will cross that bridge when you come to it.
It is the lives we encounter that make life worth living. - Guy De Maupassant

Offline SophiaK

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Re: Dating Tips for Non-Ops
« Reply #90 on: July 05, 2020, 02:21:12 pm »
I'd say I'd let anyone who starts to try to get intimate with me (body contact, kissing), that I'm trans. I've read and watched that there are some people who use online dating/hook-up services, that even within their profile stating that they are trans, some people just don't read the profile.

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