Community Conversation > Non-Op

Please be careful with words.....They do hurt.

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JasmineG:
I've been reading a lot of messages and I understand that some do not mean any harm when said. However, please be careful when you say that your reason for being non-op is because you feel that SRS/vaginoplasty does not provide one with a real vagina (whatever that means). I for one find this highly offensive for anyone to say to another person.

Some of you are very comfortable with the genitalia you were born with and that's o.k. I for one am not comfortable with my genitalia and have never been comfortable with my genitalia.  Some have used the term real vs. artificial and just as some of you consider viginoplasty to provide un-natural genitalia, my birth genitalia is un-natural to me simply because I was born a girl with male genitalia both mentally and physically. My body failed to develop male secondary sex characteristics and developed some female secondary sex characteristics that most men don't. To say that my genitalia is artificial or un-natural because I need a surgeon to correct this mishap is offensive to me and other girls like me that have to endure the same pain and suffering I have to go through in life.

Just be careful with the words you use. Not every woman or man that you see on the street is what you learned in sex ed class. Not everyone is born exactly the same. Biology is not perfect and there are mishaps. But, we are still human and want to be treated just as any other female or male that walks the street. If you can pass this on to any other non-op trans-woman or trans-man, many would appreciate it.

Thanks,

Jasmine

Zelane:
I agree. It gives me a sad feeling when someone generalize his or her feelings towards genital surgery and those feelings are being hurtful because of ignorance, bigotry or other things.

No person its being born the same. Just take a look at sites (non porn) where you can look in a natural situation at male and female genitalia. You will realize how different each one is from other while being the same sex.

Also, if we go by surgeries... then those that opt to have a labial reduction or a vaginal tightening. According to the comment of some person: arent they having then a "fake" genitalia?

Alyssa M.:
Thank you for this, Jasmine.

I guess I know where those people are coming from. I have such thoughts from time to time, and they come from shame and guilt over the imaginary sin I never committed of being born the way I am. I know I wasn't born a "real" girl, and I know I should have been, and nothing can ever right that wrong. (And by "real" I mean, "authentic," "natural," "legitimate" -- that's where the shame comes in, and what I am trying to get over; I ought to just be happy to say I was born me.) But I can't let the fact of everything I've lost because of how i was born cloud my judgment regarding how to make the best of the life I've been given.

What you say about the arbitrariness of what people deem "natural" and "artificial" is the most important lesson to help me get over that. I guess you could say the most artificial thing there is in the world is the distinction between "natural" and "artificial."

Ashley315:
It's their opinion... are they not entitled to it?  I mean.. if you don't approve of the wording someone uses.. don't read what they write.  Not trying to stir up a huge argument about this, but really, are we that worried about what other people think that we have to censor them?  It's not like they are name calling anyone in particular and just because you love your vagina and think it's the greatest thing since Skittles doesn't mean everyone feels that way.

Just my two dimes and a nickles worth.

Just Kate:
While I believe very strongly that you are indeed hurt by this, please be rational for a moment.  Vaginoplasty is not the same thing as having a normal, built in, developed in the womb, vagina.  Some people believe that having a reasonable approximation is not good enough for their body.  They express simply their reasons for not having the surgery - and I doubt they mean any sort of implication of anyone else or their parts by it.

Say someone asked one of these people why they are non-op.  What do they say if they are not allowed to tell the truth?  Are they to lie to save someone else's potential hurt feelings?  Perhaps you could give us a phrase that would still express the same dissatisfaction with the current limits of the procedure without it coming across as offensive.  Or perhaps you could be choose to be the bigger, meeker, individual, and not be so easily offended by it.

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