Community Conversation > Non-Op

Stuck.

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cindybc:
I have no constructive comments at this time, but I thought I would earmark this thread and just listen for now. I will ask only one question for now. How severe is your GID at this stage of your life?

Cindy

mtfbuckeye:
Seshatneferw... I want the physical, mental and emotional changes HRT would bring. I'm totally ok with waiting a good long while to start living as a female and easing my wife into the changes, and for a while she seemed ok with that.. or at least letting me start HRT and then reassessing things. However around last Xmas she just imploded and told me she couldn't handle ANY of this, that she married a man, etc.

To her credit, she said we could stay friends if I transitioned; We just couldn't stay married. I still hope that she eventually becomes more open to this.. She is attracted to women, and to the feminine qualities in me, so that gives me a glimmer of hope.

Cindy... Hmm. Severity? I think about it every day, and my desire to transition is like a fog that envelopes everything in my life.... However, I don't yet feel I need to "transition or die," and being a man isn't completely intolerable to me. It's just significantly less than ideal.. does that make any sense?
Post Merge: April 24, 2009, 08:20:02 amJeez.. I just realized I totally repeated myself there... Brain not awake yet :-]

myles:
I know I stayed where you are for about 2 years and based on how I felt and my GID it just got worse and worse. I had to decide if I was willing to lose my relationship, I knew in the end I would not lose my kids (long story) but had to be willing to lose the relationship. For me I was truly not happy and not going to be happy until I could be myself and being in a relationship with an unhappy person is not fun. I was also not a transition or die person, I could "tolerate" my body if I needed to, not happily but I could do it. Now that I have finally started T I am finally living my life, will my relationship make it not really sure, but now I can live and that matters more.
Myles

Chrissty:
Like I've said before mt'....I think we have a similar problem.. ;)

I'm still in therapy though (just managing to pay the fees) so I'll let you know
if I find any magic answers.. :-\

My therapist seems to think that the only reason I'm keeping a lid on things, is
a highly developed ability to compartmentalise my life.

Whatever way we deal with it, it does cause problems with motivation,
decision making, and relationships.

Most will tell us we are doomed, but I stick to the old idea that "it's better to
have fought and lost than not fought at all.  ;)

I don't think I could forgive myself if I just "ran"

Hang on in there Honey.. :icon_flower:

 :icon_hug:

Chrissty

mtfbuckeye:
The really frustrating thing is that my wife sends mixed signals sometimes, like when she told me that she wouldn't have a problem being in a lesbian relationship (but that she didn't think she could deal with my "in between" phase)... or the fact that she encouraged me to come out to friends and family, tell them I was trans and planning to transition. So now my parents and hers know I'm trans, which is awkward... and a lot of my friends think I'm a flake for saying I was going to transition and then "flip flopping."

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