Community Conversation > Non-Op

Bahh!!! GID Triggers!

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Just Kate:
I was at the counter at my work.  A customer comes up to purchase Harvest Moon for his wife.  I explain how wonderful it is that when he picks it up it comes with a cute plush pig - that his wife should be happy.  He looks at me straight faced and calls me gay in a quite derogatory way.

I play it off the best I can, turn my back to him and almost cry.  I wanted to scream!  My GID *took *off.  My mind was racing into thoughts that something was wrong with me, that I wouldn't get comments like that if I were transitioned.  I couldn't put a lid on it and it kept bugging me the rest of the night.

Why the FREAK does there need to be something wrong with me JUST cause I don't fit into your nice little gender mold?!?  I HATE this!  I HATE that I like this IDIOT set off my GID and in such a bad way.

I passed by a mirror earlier, looked at it and the body dysmorphic element of my GID is now in full swing and I started feeling disgusted with how I look!  I JUST WANT IT TO GO AWAY!!!!

I normally pride myself on my self control, on my ability to watch and tend to my triggers so they don't take over me, but I'm losing it tonight.  I cannot get the voice out of my head telling me I should transition - that it is the only way I'll be happy.

I'm sure this will pass soon, but right now.. it hurts.. and it sucks.  I hate being male right now - I want to scream.  But more than that I hate how weak I am - how I can allow myself to be set off by something so dumb?

heatherrose:

I honestly do know how you feel but I don't know what to tell you.
Maybe, you can draw strength from your integrity and remember
your promise to your wife. I hope it gets easier for you.



V M:
Before I decided to transition guys would call me all the various names asst.ed with being gay  :P

One fine eve. this guy called me all kinds of names and asked me for sexual favors. Then he had the nerve to ask me my name  :P

I said my name was "Up"

He replied, "Up? Up what? What's your last name?"

"Yours" I replied as I walked off  :laugh:

Admittedly, I learned that from a movie that I can't remember

If he would have had some class about it and treated me decently, I might of been half way interested. But the rudeness and expectant behavior was a real turn off  :P

Autumn:
I hate to say it, but, most transsexuals who decide not to transition seem to do it later on. I have a friend who's kicking herself for not transitioning when she was my age, because of her boyfriend...

You have to do some strong searching.

Lately I've been getting hammered pretty hard on the inside... I've gotten much more girlfriendy with female friends lately, and when they're someone I have feelings for, it's really hard to hear about the guys they're interested in or what they want from a partner. And I just wonder how broken hearted I'm going to be post-transition since most women actually don't want to be with women.

CindyJames:
Dear interalia,

Hugs my friend :icon_hug:

I know you have been very strong on your opinion and I, and I am sure many others support and respect your view point, even though it's a path I do not fully understand. It is after all our choices with our lives and only each of us can judge what we want to be. Thankfully we are on a board were the majority are happy to discuss without being bombastic.

I am so sorry that you were insulted in this way. At such moments it can be damning to throw the insult at our psyches and punish our selves for crimes and hates that we have not done, nor wish on anyone. The insult to you; to you as a human being, not as agay person, not as a TG, not as any minority person. An insult to another human being, is no reason for you to take this as anything more than the foulness of the truely ignorant.  This person buying a gift for his wife (lets say), is foul enough to insult a person helping him! Ignorant enough to try and hurt someone they do not know! Stupid enough to regard this as human behaviour!

No interalia, do not let these crude words deter your opnion of your self. Be sad, but be sad that such buffoons inhabit our world and think that by some unimaginable leap of credulity that they are normal.

Rise above it and live according to your code with the pride and honour you have demonstrated on this board.

Cindy

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