Community Conversation > Significant Others talk

Support for Siblings

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Terri-Gene:
You are most certaintly right Becky, Women do have many things to talk about, even in TS community that in no way revolve around TS transition issues, but consider that to her, this is a totally mind consuming preoccupation right now and will continue to be so until such time as she is made to feel more comfortable with herself, and even then it will still be in the background.  It is just the way it is, and yes, a lot of that preoccupation can be a little confusing and even offensive to some as it involves discussions of sex, gender and homosexual/heterosexual relatoinships as well as Penises, Scrotums, testicles, vaginias etc and can be very graphic in nature while not being sexual in any way.  It is simply a world transitioning people live in as it involves medical proceedures and techniques which are nessessary to their lives.

It is natural some of this is offensive to you, but understand it is simply natural points of discussion to her.  Simply attempt to steer the conversation to things like presentation, relationships, clothing, makeup, cooking, aggrivations with traffic, people and situations, family, friends, a new movie or book and perhaps a hug once in a while.  She would likely love your opinion and advice on improving her appearance and behavior to better suit her new environment, and simple talk about nothing in particular is good also as it helps one to relax and simply wash out the stress.  You simply have to learn to redirect the focus of conversations without appearing uncaring of them.  She will likely appreciate being refocused also, since I would imagine that although she is concerned and somewhat consumed with Transitional issues, she really would like to be involved with other things as much as she can.

Terri

Kimberly:

--- Quote from: becky on August 22, 2005, 08:59:46 pm ---… but to believe that God did not EVER make mistakes.  …
--- End quote ---
Depends on your point of view.

Who is to say living 50 years in a male body wasn’t by some grand design?



--- Quote from: becky on August 22, 2005, 08:59:46 pm ---… and is going to hell if he does not reform. …
--- End quote ---
Reform to what?

If we presume the above correct she is no longer going against the will of God…

I do not know if these thoughts are or will be of any value to you but I hope.

stephanie_craxford:
Hello Becky,

As has been said, sometimes with our transition comes exciting things, and may be that since your siblings family life has come crashing down around her, that along with you, her transition is the only positive thing that she has left so it may be logical that she want to talk about the happy things.  My wife often has to tell me that I'm obsessing over my transition, I forget that there are two of us and that my transition involves us both.  But she brings me down to earth, some times with a poke  :D

Don't fret, give her time and by all means give her a bash on the head to remind her that there may be things that "YOU" would like to talk about.  Don't be afraid to interject your thoughts on anything, just remind her that your world does not revolve around hers, and that there are things and issues that you would like to talk about, but remember - in a loving and supportive way  :)  As her life improves so will your conversations.

We do tend to wear down those who we turn to for support  :)

Keep us posted, and take care

Steph

becky:
Hi to all!

"God does not make mistakes..."
"Depends on your point of view..."

Yeah. I always questioned that.  What about Downs Syndrome children or other babies born with defomities!  But I was always told not to question!!!!!!

"Who is to say living 50 years in a male body wasn’t by some grand design?"

Or some big mistake.

My cousin has a good comment about transitions. She says it is like being pregnant for the first time, you are totally focused on every little thing and you want to talk about it all the time, to the pont of annoying everyone around you, whether they have ever been pregnant before or not.

Dani chooses to talk to US about all the details because of the life-time connection.  I am not offended by the conversations, because I am not a "prude", I just get tired of the details, details, details...but I do understand that he does need to talk.  I was just venting in the earlier post.

It is also the "weird" aspect of it, because he is MY brother, and not some random aquaintance going through this.  That makes it harder for me to deal with.

Again, keep talking to me!  It is helping!!!

More later....


Kendall:
Your right that a person transitioning has to have someone there to sort of get them talking about other things. Yes its like any other major event though. When we call or talk to the son thats got shot in Iraq , you can imagine what the main topic of conversation will be. And most of the questions would come for us. Hard part of transitioning is that it is one major event like this example and pregnancy, except where people are more silent and dont want to ask questions or talk about it. So its even harder not to talk about it, when someone does finally hear about it. Its your right though to express that you want to hear about other stuff, or talk about other stuff. And you can probably help her know you love her, and that other things are important too.

I will try getting a sibling here to respond ( I have eight). Most dont do internet, so will see what i can get. I dont know how many siblings of trans post on this site. So far I only see trans (including myself) respond. There should be more here since its important and probably less talked about then the actual transpeople.

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