Author Topic: Breaking it to my wife slowly  (Read 4673 times)

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Paula2005

Breaking it to my wife slowly
« on: August 27, 2005, 06:34:23 am »
Well I started kinda breaking my real gender to my wife. I'm sure she already knows with the curves i have LOL. But anyway last night I got her to paint my piggies a lovely pink! she picked the color! She also mentioned she was going to buy all new panties so i said well you can give me all your old ones! lol she said fine, no wow whats wrong with you! I am almost 100% she is bi anyway, so I'm pretty sure almost 100% she will not only support me but really help me fully transistion. we have been married 23 years and are still very much in luv!

Luv <3
Paula

Shelley

Re: Breaking it to my wife slowly
« Reply #1 on: August 27, 2005, 07:17:44 am »
I hope your right Paula and it does sound like you are.

Just a little warning, I thought my wife was aware of the real me until she found the link to here and all hell broke loose. I have never had her paint my toe nails nor give me her underwear but I thought she was aware in other ways. We talked about fashion we liked including makeup and especially heels and styles of dresses we liked. I couldn't however have been further from the truth.

Just before I was about to tell her she read some of my posts here and we had a very stressful few weeks.

On a positive note I think if I had told her first things might not have been so bad.

Anyway good luck Paula and I hope all goes well.

Shelley

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Re: Breaking it to my wife slowly
« Reply #2 on: August 27, 2005, 09:46:27 am »
Either she will or she wont. Its already pretty much decided how she will react, in her mind somewhere. Good or Bad, you can only try to deliver it the best you can. You have very little control how she will actually respond. Some already have it in them that they will accept it. Some no matter what you do will never accept it. Just hope the luck is with you. And maybe she saw this in you already escpecially if she is bi.

Your boys is another story and may affect how she feels also.

stephanie_craxford

Re: Breaking it to my wife slowly
« Reply #3 on: August 27, 2005, 10:56:29 am »
Hello Paula,

In an earlier post you mentioned that you had
Quote
"an appointment to see a Licensed Clinical Psychologist Specializing in sexual identity issues"
  Have you been to this appointment yet?  You seem to rushing ahead without making sure that is the right thing to do.  Painting piggies, and pink panties does not mean that your wife will support you transitioining to a female, she may be taking this as  a little bit of fun to spice up the marriage.  You yourself said that you only thought that she was "Bi"

As Kendra mentioned there is always one way to find out and that she will either support you or she won't.  But before you make any moves, be sure you are aware of the possible consequences, and that you are willing to accept them.  Remember you have been together for 23 years.

I don't wish to rain on your parade but personally I would wait until you have seen your therapist, and after a few sessions see where you stand and if your mind is still the same.  I would hate to see you make a horrible mistake that you would regret for the rest of your life.

Be patient Hun, another short wait for therapy won't be too hard to handle.

Take care,

Steph

Cassandra

Re: Breaking it to my wife slowly
« Reply #4 on: August 27, 2005, 02:47:14 pm »
Hi Paula,

Once again Steph has pointed out exactly what I was thinking. Gosh, we think a lot alike Steph. Are you sure you're not my long lost twin sister seperated at birth?  ;D

Any way, Paula, like Steph said, don't confuse a little bedroom fun and games for some implied indication that she will accept you transitioning to a woman, nor that she is bi. She probably thought you were joking about the panties since she had just painted your toe nails. Lots of women like to paint their boyfriends or husbands toenails every now and then just for fun. Especially if they are bored wanting to do a makeover and your the only one or only thing available. Heck I've known girls who used their dogs as guenie pigs for these experiments.

Slow down. Take your time. No need to rush especially when children are involved. At this point assume nothing. Talk to your therapist and keep your internet files cleaned out if you know what's good for you.

When I came out to my wife it was in a fit of anger and I didn't care. The urge to tell had been welling up inside me for a long time and it just popped out. For me it worked out great, that's because my wife is a rare and precious jewel. You may not be so lucky. Have a care and procede with caution.

Good Journey,

Cassie

Debtv

Re: Breaking it to my wife slowly
« Reply #5 on: August 27, 2005, 11:14:16 pm »
on a sad note....

Soon after I 1st told me wife...my ex-wife one night....layed it on me like she was really into it (way farther than I wanted). She told me later she was just seeing how far I would go.

So.......as sad is this is to say....you have be aware and not be fooled.

Love
DebTV

Paula2005

Re: Breaking it to my wife slowly
« Reply #6 on: August 28, 2005, 12:18:38 am »
I really appreciate you concern girls. This is a very special girl. I am really not at all worried that she will support me.. I know she will. I'v just sttarted to lay the ground work about who I really am so it's not some out of the blue statement. In other words she will already really know what I will be confiming to her when i tell her. I mean there is no choice for me in this I am who I am. I really have made it obvious over the last 3 years what I am. I'm pretty positive she knows I mean how could she not based on my body alone? Not a hair on my body in 3 years, legs, arms underarms ect. hair really freaks me out. My body changes from the hormones is really very obvious too. She did ask me to go shopping this week for clothes.. well panties and bras anyway! Well I'm definetly not going to just blurt it out, I'm going to take my time with this over the next 6-12 mo. I really need to get to the doctor and get that part of the equation sorted out. I'v kinda thought about my kids I am thinking this may not be as hard on them as I first thought they are not really young 21, 18, 16 so I hope they will accept me I'm quite sure they will though. I know you all luv me and are thinking of me.

Luv to my sisters <3
Paula

Shelley

Re: Breaking it to my wife slowly
« Reply #7 on: August 28, 2005, 05:09:16 pm »
Been there Deb,

A gilfriend before my current wife fooled me well and truly. It became a weapon she used very effectively.

However it does sound more promising for Paula. I hope it all goes well for you Paula.

Good Luck Shelley

Brenda32

Re: Breaking it to my wife slowly
« Reply #8 on: August 28, 2005, 08:46:04 pm »
Paula,

Please don't take this the wrong way, but if you are so sure she will accept you, then what has taken you so long to tell her?  It would seem that if you were that confindent that you would have started this process 3 years ago when you started shaving (if not sooner).  So what made you wait till now?  Just curious.

Brenda

Cherrie

Re: Breaking it to my wife slowly
« Reply #9 on: August 28, 2005, 11:02:23 pm »
Paula

Shelley's story on DEVASTATED is a must for you to read. It all might work out fine for you and I hope so but what worries me is that she might not come to terms with alot of years of lying.

Good luck.

Cherrie

Paula2005

Re: Breaking it to my wife slowly
« Reply #10 on: August 29, 2005, 07:32:05 am »
Paula,

Please don't take this the wrong way, but if you are so sure she will accept you, then what has taken you so long to tell her?  It would seem that if you were that confindent that you would have started this process 3 years ago when you started shaving (if not sooner).  So what made you wait till now?  Just curious.

Brenda

Good question Brenda, I think I really had to come to terms with who I really am myself. I am sure this would have been resolved years ago were I not in the military. Being TG in the military is not an option! So the wall of fear harboring these feeling started to crumble the min I retired. It's still not an easy decision to make and I have agonized over it, asking myself if I am being selfish or self center. I finally have come to terms with myself and make no mistake she could reject me, but she wont. That I am really sure of that in my heart. I just can no longer live this crazy lie that tugs and pulls at my heart daily. It's staring to feel like a huge weight bearing down on me; starting to crush me almost devour my soul. I have to do this for me.. I don’t think I can live without some hope that I can finally be set free.

Cassandra

Re: Breaking it to my wife slowly
« Reply #11 on: August 29, 2005, 10:48:59 am »
Paula,

It sounds like you are really determined and have been working through a lot a personal feelings. I think my concern and many others who have been posting in this thread is that you seem to be overconfident that your lady will accept you as full blown transitioning woman. What if she does not? Are you fully aware and prepared for the consequences? It's not that you shouldn't tell her, you should be honest with the woman you love. But, are you prepared mentally for the possibility that it may all blow up in your face?

Here is a quote from a post I made elsewhere regarding what it means to transition. Keep in mind that everyone close to you will find themselves in the same boat.

Quote
To transition is to take a life that is already upside down and purposely turn it inside out rotate 360 degrees on a three dimensional square of the space time continuum and place it back down in the proper place and in the correct form while trying to keep all other environmental factors and relationships intact.

Be prepared for anything.

Good Journey,

Cassie

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