Because there are so many different types of non-binary, what do you consider yourself? What are the nuances of your being? Do you have more bigender or neutral leanings? How do you experience and express these? How do you choose to present?
I have a strong sense of neither/nor. When I read descriptions of identifying as bigender, I feel like I am the complete opposite. I think all the variation is fascinating!
I'm AFAB. If I had to break down how I identify, it's 0% female and 53% ? male. Like whatever software in my brain dictates residual self-image SCREAMS that I am undisputedly male, there's not a hint of female anything to it. But I also feel like that software crashed while it was loading, and that male part of me never fully developed.
I don't talk or bond socially like a woman. Online, I'm misgendered 100% of the time, even when I sign my CLEARLY FEMALE name, to the point of me having adopted a male persona on Facebook years ago (because screw Facebook and everyone just thought I was a guy, anyway - transgender hadn't occurred to me at the time :D).
I'm curious to hear about experiences with body image and those who have a strong sense of "neither."
I think the feeling that I have of this underdeveloped male component in my self-recognition process also plays a part in my preference for having a sexless/undifferentiated body. Maybe if that part had been able to fully develop, I would feel comfortable in an adult male body, but the idea is just as scary and alien as having an adult female body.
My ideal body image has ALWAYS been something slender, pencil straight and sexless. I've had a huge aversion to body hair since I started developing any. I have my own wax pot at home now and HEY that stuff is awesome. >:-)
I developed an eating disorder around age 11 when I started puberty and my body shape was changing, and my specific disgust was with having any kind of curves (fortunately I worked my way out of the disorder and have been a healthy BMI now for years). I still feel abject disgust at my curves, but I'm not willing to harm myself over them (and I'm lazy and food tastes good!). But I think it's interesting to note that I engaged in that behavior at that time in my development.
I LOVED IT when I did pole fitness, which developed crazy upper body muscle and killed my boobs a little bit (umm, but then I fell off the pole and my spine is not right to this day, so... pilates it is). If I could have never dealt with any of the baggage puberty gave my body, I would be in heaven.
Also, since I was a kid, I've been drawn to the bishounen style of anime (slender, long-limbed, hairless androgynous guys). And definitely androgyny in general. Twinks. :angel:
When I think about transitioning, and the hairiness of it all, I would feel just as dysphoric about the other parts of my body that I wish I could be rid of. I'd have similar body image issues at the end of the day, just differently.
I'm also not sexually attracted to hairy, manly men. Like body builders? No way. Ugh. My "type" is (coincidentally?) the type that I would also kill to look like.
I am also mentally missing some aspects of "masculine" nature, most notably my aggression patterns (not sure how else to explain that?). While I'm not emotionally centered like women, I couldn't do calculus to save my life. If there were a pill I could take to get all the mental effects of T with none of the physical effects, and that pill lasted about eight hours, hands-down I would keep some of that in my cabinet for when I want to tackle certain projects. It's clear to me I didn't get the entire male package. But I got ZERO of the female package.
And I am most comfortable in my own skin when that lack of distinction or development is reflected in my appearance.
My favorite thing to play with as a kid was K'nex. :o
I am curious to hear about everyone's non-binary experiences because the spectrum is so vast. And it's nice knowing that you don't have to be A or B.
As for my presentation, I'm staying female. I have nothing to gain and more to lose by attempting to change it, and that change wouldn't make me happier. If I could shave 3 points off my BMI that would be STELLAR, but I'm at a healthy weight, and it is what it is. I cut my hair sideways. I need a brand new wardrobe. I'm not sure what to get or where to shop, yet, but I'm thinking I should adopt some kind of "dressed in black art freak" approach to my style. I always had a thing for those art freaks, too. :angel: But then again, they're generally androgynous.
I have more of a neither/nor component, but I also embrace the "both" aspect. I present exclusively female every day regardless of where my head is at.
Hugs, Devlyn
I wouldn't say I'm non binary but I think curves, an hour glass figure, resonates with my body the most. I lose weight easily if I try but being stick thin, losing some (I always have a butt) fat makes me feel weird. I don't like being lanky, then I think my shoulders stand out more?
Right now my upper arms are kinda big.. there and my stomach I need to lose fat. Obviously I can't decide where on my body I can lose weight, so I'm learning to accept this and wear things that flatter me. And those things are... skirts, leggings and crop tops. Lol
I would do long brouses as long as they're material is elastic-y and tight fitting. I don't like anything baggy at all.
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
My labels are neutrois, demigirl. Definitely NB, definitely bigender, definitely fluid.Although I am AMAB, relating to that half of the species is difficult, at best - there are days when I wish it was easier, as it doesn't help my mental health and transition is out of the question. The demigirl in me is strong, patient, kind and loving. She understands her situation and takes every opportunity to participate - but it confuses the heck out of the men folk, as she can translate very effectively the nuance of language between the traditional binary. It helps that she is accepted readily by the womenfolk around, and the menfolk don't see the body as a threat, as she spends a lot of time verbally and socially out and about. As I am she, it's not a case that that part of my gender expression is heard, but my presentation generally falls under the neutrois as I'm avoiding flaring up my anxiety problems.
The fluidity is a recent surprise, when I was aware that my perception moved from predominantly feminine to neither - that awareness has come about through therapy for my overall mental health.
(Hugs)
Rowan
I still feel a gray area about the difference of NB and gender fluid. In one hand you have all personalities with no fixed point and in the other you have all personalities with no fixed point except with leeway for change.
Where my question is, if I subscribe to NB do I need to find my personal place until I find who I am, or go the fluid route and occupy wherever and how much I want.
I think the latter.
Hi Jessica,
It's a complicated situation which ever way you look at it, mainly because of the poor language that we have to describe all of our experiences, as a single unified gender continuum.
Using understanding of non-binary space, from the thread below, it helped me work out what labels best describe me.
We are all familiar with the sliding scale between male and female - but there are three other spectrums to deal with - sense of gender, from highly gendered to none; number of genders experienced, from poly gender, via bi gender and single gender to none; and finally gender rigidity - fluid through to rigid
It's language gets complicated if you want to describe feeling highly gendered and firm in your self awareness in certain circumstances, and equally like neither in different circumstances, under the single spectrum model - folk are trying, and there are patterns of self identification forming which is a good thing, as the more repetitive the descriptions are, the more likely they are to be adopted by wider society.
So, coming around to your question, and how that could be addressed using this model?. To be fluid, you need to have understanding of at least two gender states (my case neutrois and feminine) to transit between (making you bigender at least), a sense of gender (mild through to strong) and awareness that your personality will respond in either of those ways in similar circumstances (so your response is fluid). If you feel like you have a single gender state, that is rigid, and no sense or awareness then you are likely agender and so on. These labels are attempts to describe a sense of gender, outside the binary and the descriptions vary widely to describe common experiences (the primary confusion).
Hopefully that makes some sense, and I'm not jabbering like and old fool. Or maybe I am.
What ever, (Hugs) - enjoy your journey to find a way to best describe you :)
Rowan
Quote from: Sno on April 03, 2018, 07:16:50 AM
Hi Jessica,
It's a complicated situation which ever way you look at it, mainly because of the poor language that we have to describe all of our experiences, as a single unified gender continuum.
Using understanding of non-binary space, from the thread below, it helped me work out what labels best describe me.
We are all familiar with the sliding scale between male and female - but there are three other spectrums to deal with - sense of gender, from highly gendered to none; number of genders experienced, from poly gender, via bi gender and single gender to none; and finally gender rigidity - fluid through to rigid
It's language gets complicated if you want to describe feeling highly gendered and firm in your self awareness in certain circumstances, and equally like neither in different circumstances, under the single spectrum model - folk are trying, and there are patterns of self identification forming which is a good thing, as the more repetitive the descriptions are, the more likely they are to be adopted by wider society.
So, coming around to your question, and how that could be addressed using this model?. To be fluid, you need to have understanding of at least two gender states (my case neutrois and feminine) to transit between (making you bigender at least), a sense of gender (mild through to strong) and awareness that your personality will respond in either of those ways in similar circumstances (so your response is fluid). If you feel like you have a single gender state, that is rigid, and no sense or awareness then you are likely agender and so on. These labels are attempts to describe a sense of gender, outside the binary and the descriptions vary widely to describe common experiences (the primary confusion).
Hopefully that makes some sense, and I'm not jabbering like and old fool. Or maybe I am.
What ever, (Hugs) - enjoy your journey to find a way to best describe you :)
Rowan
Your theory matches close to mine and makes complete sense to me.
I think there should be a way, in society, to identify on the personality scale who you are. Not the rigid edict that goes by what you have between your legs. I know, that's just another label, but it's a different label, giving a better description of "this is me".
I have always said that I am agender (sometimes nongendered). I have never felt kinship with the label neutrois, but I think that could be used for me, though the word just doesn't roll off my tongue easily. Others love it, I simply can't say it out loud.
Before I had words to put to my identity, my mantra had been that gender is absurd; it's a very poor way of categorizing the universe. That isn't to invisibilize or demean other people's identities, more to personally reject making some traits/objects/actions "female" and others "male". Doing so limits everything and often incorporates oppression. However, one's joy and beauty in expressing whatever identity they embody -- whether binary or not -- is equal, personal, and does not require oppressive personality theory.
I also use "genderqueer" because I like queering things, and it rolls off the tongue in a way that makes me wiggle.
All this talk of labels/flavors of NB has been on my mind for a while. My pronouns have been ze/zir for a long time, but people never use them. Well, I tell people that if they want to be intimate friends, then using my pronouns is a prerequisite. However, all the memes and "concretizing" of gender non-binary identity on social media through making they/them the recommended pronoun has made it so that I can be in a room of primarily genderqueer folks who all use they/them, and everyone defaults to she/her for me because I don't conform. All this to say, I'm very happy there is a thread on what "flavor" of non-binary one is, especially at a time when it is becoming a "third gender" in a very concrete way that still feels like it is marginalizing folks.
I've also always been wary of spectrums, even in the "gender gumby" presentations that look at several scales (gender identity, gender expression, sexual identity, sexual orientation, etc. etc.). To have a spectrum, you locate two binary poles and then create a slider between them. That places emphasis on the binary being the norm or "frame", and that there is an "acceptable range" of variation that must take place between the two. At least, that's how it's always struck me.
I like the idea of identity just being something within ourselves that we need to fill. An a priori part of ourselves that gives meaning to our lived experience. Sometimes this will be binary: male or female, straight or gay. Sometimes this will be fluid (whether on a spectrum or not). Sometimes it is simply a field of various things that we are empowered by aligning our identity with. So I never like using a "gender spectrum," but a "gender amorphous blob" that can grow and shrink with a permeable, shapeless barrier to contain every identity that we come in contact with.
At least, this makes me comfortable so I can sleep at night.
Very complicated question ~
I believe I am a woman in a man's body, but I have been raised and educated culturally as a male. Although I would like different genitals, I do have a fondness for my present ones when having sex
So what does that make me and do I really need any kind of label?
I wish I could group hug everyone in this thread right now ;D
In certain instances, the idea of "two spirit" resonates strongly with me... at least in the sense of having a twin self. Being late-onset with my realizations, I've always lived with this unconscious shadow side that tries to push its way out through artistic endeavors.
I've also found it helpful in trying to determine who I am and how I want to live, to consider that "other side" of myself, and ask how it would feel to perform whatever I'm currently doing as my other self. It's given me direction.
Sometimes, though, that train of thought breaks down, because my goal is unifying instead of compartmentalizing.
But I have also been divided for so long.
Another reason I wonder if I'm gravitating so strongly toward neither/nor is because once I strip everything decidedly female from my life that doesn't resonate, I feel like a place of total neutrality will allow me the clearest perspective on how I want to proceed with living authentically.
Labels are useful tools. Some of them may have more limited use than others.
I share a lot in common with girlfags, and in certain contexts I feel like the word delivers a quick, easily understood shorthand for a concept. But it doesn't capture the more subtle nuances of my being.
:o
Quote from: blackcat on April 03, 2018, 08:45:28 PM
I wish I could group hug everyone in this thread right now ;D
In certain instances, the idea of "two spirit" resonates strongly with me... at least in the sense of having a twin self. Being late-onset with my realizations, I've always lived with this unconscious shadow side that tries to push its way out through artistic endeavors.
I've also found it helpful in trying to determine who I am and how I want to live, to consider that "other side" of myself, and ask how it would feel to perform whatever I'm currently doing as my other self. It's given me direction.
Sometimes, though, that train of thought breaks down, because my goal is unifying instead of compartmentalizing.
But I have also been divided for so long.
Another reason I wonder if I'm gravitating so strongly toward neither/nor is because once I strip everything decidedly female from my life that doesn't resonate, I feel like a place of total neutrality will allow me the clearest perspective on how I want to proceed with living authentically.
Labels are useful tools. Some of them may have more limited use than others.
I share a lot in common with girlfags, and in certain contexts I feel like the word delivers a quick, easily understood shorthand for a concept. But it doesn't capture the more subtle nuances of my being.
:o
That's interesting. I made something out of stone when I was 45, and I amazed myself because it was beautiful, and smooth, and had flowing lines. I didn't know that I could do art. A stone sculptor stepped out of me. A year later a woman did. :)
Hugs, Devlyn
Are you still making art? :)
Making the connection between the two was like opening one of those can of snakes gags.
I still play with stone, and I make these beach glass necklaces and give them away to people I meet.
(https://www.susans.org/forums/gallery/0/13844-050418171009.jpeg)
Hugs, Devlyn
Those are so beautiful! I love beach glass!
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on April 05, 2018, 05:13:32 PM
I still play with stone, and I make these beach glass necklaces and give them away to people I meet.
(https://www.susans.org/forums/gallery/0/13844-050418171009.jpeg)
Hugs, Devlyn
Those are very nice
@Devlyn Marie . Can you meet me in New York in September?
Quote from: blackcat on April 06, 2018, 08:45:08 PM
Those are so beautiful! I love beach glass!
Quote from: Jessica on April 06, 2018, 08:50:07 PM
Those are very nice @Devlyn Marie . Can you meet me in New York in September?
Shoot me your addresses in a PM and I'll mail you one. :)
Hugs, Devlyn
I alternate between presenting male and female as I desire. I don't like being restricted to just one.
I guess I'm something along the lines of demiboy, and maybe a touch of agender or neutrois. I don't really know that last bit. For the most part, I'm about 80% male and the extra 20% is either neutrois or a mess. It's also kind of fluid. Maybe it has something to do with how long it took me to accept myself for what I am, but it's probably just how I am.
(Btw it's really nice to see a bunch of NB people here. I always feel kinda out of place when it comes to FTM topics because I technically don't fit that entirely.).
Difficult to explain because I don' t think we have the right terminology, anyway here goes.... I've known since about 15 that I had characteristics of both male and female so I'm a both rather than a neither. So I ID as androgyne. Physically I am blonde, slim with delicate features, no facial hair and a female sounding if husky voice. If I dress as a girl people take me for a tomboyish female. Without clothes I look male, no chest, good muscle tone and a functional penis. If I dress as male I look like an androgynous guy. I'm quite comfortable dressing either way and it tends to be how I feel on the day. I was castrated in Aug 2015 and unsurprisingly became more feminine afterwards. Today I live and dress as a woman but can still just about get away with being male. I like to wear goth make up and short skirts at the moment. I tried TRT for 1 year, that was fine but I decided I wanted to be more female. I stopped TRT and started estrogen 3 weeks ago. I am attracted to tgirls (pre op and post op) and ocassionally androgynous looking cis women. This is a summary of what flavor I am but there's a lot more to it than this. Justine x
Quote from: Jessica on April 02, 2018, 09:35:13 PM
I still feel a gray area about the difference of NB and gender fluid. In one hand you have all personalities with no fixed point and in the other you have all personalities with no fixed point except with leeway for change.
Where my question is, if I subscribe to NB do I need to find my personal place until I find who I am, or go the fluid route and occupy wherever and how much I want.
I think the latter.
How about that. I don't come here for a year and almost immediately run into you! How cool is that?? Gender fluidity and a non-binary identity I think go hand in hand and are really pretty normal. This is about living authentically and honestly, not about what ought to be, but what is. I am a woman, a flamboyant, sexy, and unique human being. I am also a linear thinking engineer. I am also at home in flannel and using a chain saw. What is my gender? What day is it? For me to deny fluidity is for me to deny a part of what makes me fun and interesting.
Happy Pride :icon_pepsi:
I consider myself as both a male and female. Some days more one than the other, other days it is the opposite. All days I have both inside me. I label myself as bigender and I use almost any pronouns no matter where I am that day.
I think the label that fits me most is demigirl. I know I'm mostly female, and I'm really happy with with my female name and pronouns, at least much more than with my male ones, but I feel there's something else inside (I'm AMAB). Male probably? I don't know.. After transitioning I started to accept the male side of me that I had hated before. I realized that what I really hated was the male that I was expected to be, and not the one I really was. I just never had the chance to be me and lived always up to the other's wishes.
I still have some of my male clothes. Most of my old shirts and vests. I have lots of female clothes also, Although sometimes I wish I had more dresses.
Like the OP, I wish I looked like those bishonen anime characters, but not the masculine ones. I like the fabulously beautiful characters that you can't tell whether they're male or female. At least some days. A mixture of bishonen and Bifauxnen if that makes any sense? I like the look that makes people ask me if I'm a boy or a girl. I am a little bit too fat for those looks, but as soon as i have money I'd like to do start some physical activity, probably martial arts to get rid of that fat and tone my muscles a bit.
I have long hair and I'm trying to make it white. I either tie it in a bun to give it a short/ medium length look or leave it loose, sometimes in a wuxia novel style. I believe the short like style gives me a more feminine look.
I'm genderqueer. I don't really think of myself as male or female but rather just "other". Not a mix or anything like that just "other".
My sibling is genderfluid, but my identity is pretty stagnant. I used to ID as just male, because I was scared to be called "fake" but I've grown past that with the help of friends. As far as presentation goes though...very fluid! I pretty much wear whatever I want, from dresses to slacks. I love gothic lolita fashion especially.
I am bi-gender, female and male. I have both types of bi-gender existance, usually I am one or the other, fluctuating from one to the other four or five time a year. I call myself "a very binary non-binary person" because my genders are both *very* binary, the middle ground is dysphoric.
Most of the time I'm either all girl or all guy, but sometimes, between "gender swings" I spend a few weeks experiencing both at once, which freaks me out and is dysphoric as hell. I lose my sense of who I am and mourn the "passing" of the gender I am swinging away from, but then as my other side gets stronger, I get all happy and embrace the next swing.
I usually present fully femme, but mostly because I'm still "getting to know" my guy side," figuring out my style as a guy, and accumulate clothes. I wear my hair in a pixie cut that is easily styled into either masculine or feminine appearance, and I'm on testosterone (a little over a year) to transition my body, including top and bottom surgeries, while I intend to maintain my femme presentation as my primary social identity.
When I have to label it I either call my gender: bigender or genderfluid. I feel most comfortable just calling myself male and female, though. I always feel like a mix. I use both pronouns (he/she). Never They/them. Gender neutral pronouns feel like they erase my gender and it makes me uncomfortable. Its not attached to clothes unless Im trying to pass, which I rarely do now. I do like it when others see me as a man, but I dont really fight for that recognition. Too much work, and it means having to pretend Im not female and act unnatural. I just wanna be myself.
Quote from: DPS on July 01, 2018, 12:37:13 PM
When I have to label it I either call my gender: bigender or genderfluid. I feel most comfortable just calling myself male and female, though. I always feel like a mix. I use both pronouns (he/she). Never They/them. Gender neutral pronouns feel like they erase my gender and it makes me uncomfortable. Its not attached to clothes unless Im trying to pass, which I rarely do now. I do like it when others see me as a man, but I dont really fight for that recognition. Too much work, and it means having to pretend Im not female and act unnatural. I just wanna be myself.
Wow, my gender twin, except for the clothes thing! I'm with you on the "they" causing dysphoria, for the same reason - it erases both of my genders. I tell people to use he or she, whichever feels more natural to come out of their mouth at the moment. I doubt I'll ever pass as a guy, though it would feel amazingly good if it happened while I am on a guy swing.
If you're ever in the Seattle area, I'd love to meet you in person!
While I'm still in the process of figuring out if I might be nonbinary, I'll mostly answer your post as a way for me to dwell deeper into my own mind, using your questions as a guide. But whatever answers I'll come up with might still be of interest for you and/or others reading this.
As I see it, I'd say I'm pretty much an opposite of "neither" or no gender. I feel strongly that I'm in the "both" category. I did read up a bit about "androgyne" which seems to be strikingly accurate, while other terms come close but don't quite click with me. I've not yet settled for any particular label though, but that's where I'm nosing around.
I lived as a (trans) man for 9 years until I realised that was not right for me, so I began to detransition, but to live as a 100% cis woman does not sit right with me either. I regret top surgery so I'm dysphoric about my chest, but other than that... I actually feel really connected to both the female and male traits of my body as it is now.
I've long struggled to separate what is gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia of what I've experienced, but the less of the latter I have (it's healing away), the more I understand my true connection to my body and what I really want with it. Because I've already transitioned, but went too far towards male for my comfort, I now need to be careful I don't "back-track" too far towards female again. And as finding that balance may not be entirely easy, I'd rather do too little now than too much again.
How much of each gender I feel that I am in percentages is very hard to tell, cause it depends on the aspect. But if I'd combine all aspects together and calculate out an average, perhaps I'm quite 50-50, or leaning slightly female.
I don't switch between feeling either male or female, and I don't think I have two genders; but rather I feel both at the same time as though they're the same, constant, androgynous gender. I'd say I'm a highly gendered person, but of a quite evenly blended mix. Although I think I only have one gender, it's extra everything.
I don't know if I'd be dysphoric if I could look entirely male or entirely female again, but I get very strong negative feelings towards the thought of removing any sexed trait from my body, and often positive feelings towards adding any sexed trait to my body. I'm not quite sure what to make of that, but maybe I just feel a strong connection to having lots of different sexed traits from both sexes because I feel so highly gendered. I think my gender in and of itself, is pretty stagnant, and not fluid, but shows itself in different ways sometimes.
Currently I'm presenting more female than I'd like, mostly due to my family not being entirely supportive of my detransing. They constantly judge my style negatively, tell me I don't hide my stubble well enough, and hint at that I "failed as a guy and now fail as a girl"... so that's very yikes. That's a bull I'm gonna need to grab by the horns eventually, but I'm procrastinating.
And I also fear facing transphobia in public, but not as much. Being read as a feminine man is so much scarier than being read as a masculine woman ever was for me in the past. That is a very new situation for me to suddenly be in as an afab person, and I've not yet figured out how to handle it properly.
I wish to present more distinctly both male and female, with like a beard to go with my deep voice and feminine style, while also still wearing my (currently) detachable D-cups. But apart from my presentation, I almost have my ideal body already. Only thing I know for sure I need to fix, for the sake of my mental well-being, is to get breast reconstruction surgery, and stay off testosterone. I'm alright with pretty much all the permanent changes I got from the testo, but I dislike some of the non-permanent ones, and I don't wanna get more back hair... so that's why I'm gladly going off it. Enough is enough, kinda.
I'd like a constant, androgynous presentation rather than to switch between presenting male and female. And now my body also allows for me to do so without much effort. It actually would require less effort than presenting as either female or male. I like both being referred to as he/him and she/her, but I don't like being referred to by gender neutral pronouns. I never correct people though, and when asked so far in my detransing I usually just say it doesn't matter and let people pick whichever one they want.
As for my attraction to others, I'm very bisexual (equal attraction to both sexes) with no distinct type for either or any gender, as far as I can tell. Although I do have a preference for alternative fashion styles, and I'm very picky about a partner's personality and how compatible we are.
I'm agender and afab. I don't feel like I'm masculine or feminine. I know some people who are agender say that they are of center with either of them, but I don't feel that way. My grandpa has always said that everyone has masculine and feminine sides. It's just some people lean more to one side than the other. It felt wrong every time he said that. On the other hand, I strongly suspect that he might be bigender. He seems to be 'equal' with those. When I came out to him and said that I'm neither masc. nor fem., it sounded like I broke him. He kept asking how that was possible. He is 92 years old, and I came out a year ago to him. I understand it might be hard to understand for him. He understood things pretty quickly when my parent, who's a trans woman and his daughter-in-law, came out to him. A binary trans person is easier to 'get'. He hasn't really talked to me since that phone conversation.
I kind of look at masc. and fem. stuff as just styles. Like, society labels something in those categories, and they're strongly considered that. However, I like some things from both sides as far as things like clothing. I'm noticing that my 'style' or 'expression' that way might be a little bit of both. I haven't experimented much with men's clothes and such yet. Some activities that are considered either I like both of, too. Video games, jewelry, anime (apparently the majority of people who watch it are male), dressing up, weight training, etc. It would be great if places like department stores would get rid of the 'men's' and 'women's' sections and just section it off by types. Things like formal wear, casual, punk, business, teen, and more. People could experiment without that societal pressure. Even cis people would benefit from that.
I was apart of a lot of girls/women's groups in the past, but never felt like I could relate gender-wise with the members. I thought for most of my life that since I didn't feel like a man, the only other option was for me to be a woman, like I was assigned. I wanted to 'blend', I guess. I heard about genderfluid eventually, but knew that wasn't it. Realized I was agender a little over a year ago, and everything clicked.
I've pretty much always felt like this. I realized I was different when I was very little in daycare, and adults were separating us by gender. Treating us differently and encouraging certain 'gendered' behaviors/roles for certain kids. They didn't want the girls and boys to be friends. I didn't understand that. It was weird and somewhat depressing to me. I tried to 'pretend', though. I really tried to play the role of a straight cis woman for most of my life. I blended in rather well, but it never felt right. I also realized that I'm aro ace a couple of years ago, which added another element to feeling like an 'alien' most of my life. Now, I don't have to pretend, because I'm out to everyone. I just haven't done much in the way of 'transitioning' or feeling more like myself.
I feel like a patchwork doll. I realized I have a lot of dysphoria, which I didn't think was what I was actually feeling most of my life. It was a confusing feeling for me. I'm most dysphoric about my chest. Got a binder last summer, but it can be a pain and will never completely flatten it. Hopefully in the future I can get top surgery. I also get thick facial hair under my chin and 'mustache' area. That adds to my dysphoria, and I'm constantly shaving it off. I might have some sort of hormonal issue with that. There's also something with 'downstairs', but it's vague in my mind. Going into a lingerie section has given me panic attacks. I remember my mom, who passed away 6 years ago, used to say that I had gender issues all the time. She wanted me to be more into feminine things. She even told my parent that she's the daughter she never had. She must have picked up on this stuff. Makes me wonder what she would have thought if I had come out to her.
Welcome Anzu, and for your introduction - it could have been written by ourself. We are a patchwork (that's we as an individual), and feel strongly alien - it is ok, there are others around, and yes, we do understand.
As for us - genderqueer is good, neutrois, demigirl is better.
(Hugs)
Rowan
I'm afab but I'm genderfluid - I spend most of my time feeling outside of binary male/female.
I keep a diary of my gender identity to help me understand and track the fluctuations, I record 4 things:
-what gender I feel
-how that makes me feel about my body
-what I do with my clothes/hair/makeup
-overall mood
Based on this record, the time I feel most comfortable is when I feel on the feminine end of the male spectrum, but spend more time feeling generically at odds with my body.
My idea body would be a lean androgynous figure with wearing gothic/neu romantic/ strong patterns and colours style clothing. Lots of layers and billowy fabrics.
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I like to think of myself as a part-time woman. I suppose I could also be a part-time man; but since I'm a man most of the time, part-time woman is a better description. When I'm expressing either of my personalities, I am all in, meaning when I'm expressing my feminine side, my appearance, mannerisms and personality is all female. When I'm expressing my male side it's all male, no blending of the other. This works for me and it makes me happy and content. If my life situation was different I could see myself presenting more as a woman, but I still don't think I'd give up my male side completely.
Hugs,
Sally