Susan's Place Transgender Resources

hello'

Fortunately it was by a close family relative and not by a doctor (Hurray?) and I have to deal with this person on a daily basis. I feel upset and upon questioning about it later I was told if there was no good subject to talk about then not to talk. Just plain ignored me after that no matter what I said or shared how I felt about it. This one wound is deep. Of all people it was my mother who said it. Has said things in the past that have bothered me, but this one hit the center. My breasts are growing and you tell me they are tumors? They are part of my identity. They are me. Am I a tumor? What a horrible thing to say :(. Has also said I have no breast glands and that lactation is plain impossible for someone like me MTF trans. Plain ignored me with chin raised high in the air and not ever looking my way. It sucks to see something like that.

Happy holidays....

Big hug! "Family" isn't all they're cracked up to be. I consider family as the people who show me that they love me on a daily basis. Blood has nothing to do with that test. You hold your head high and enjoy this holiday season, with or without the support of those who ought to be behind you. We're behind you. We support you. We love you.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Asakawa on December 10, 2018, 06:32:44 AM
hello'

Fortunately it was by a close family relative and not by a doctor (Hurray?) and I have to deal with this person on a daily basis. I feel upset and upon questioning about it later I was told if there was no good subject to talk about then not to talk. Just plain ignored me after that no matter what I said or shared how I felt about it. This one wound is deep. Of all people it was my mother who said it. Has said things in the past that have bothered me, but this one hit the center. My breasts are growing and you tell me they are tumors? They are part of my identity. They are me. Am I a tumor? What a horrible thing to say :(. Has also said I have no breast glands and that lactation is plain impossible for someone like me MTF trans. Plain ignored me with chin raised high in the air and not ever looking my way. It sucks to see something like that.

Happy holidays....

If it's any use the breasts you are growing are anatomically correct and you can lactate..not uncommon at all

Good luck
Liz


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Quote from: Asakawa on December 10, 2018, 06:32:44 AM
hello'

Fortunately it was by a close family relative and not by a doctor (Hurray?) and I have to deal with this person on a daily basis. I feel upset and upon questioning about it later I was told if there was no good subject to talk about then not to talk. Just plain ignored me after that no matter what I said or shared how I felt about it. This one wound is deep. Of all people it was my mother who said it. Has said things in the past that have bothered me, but this one hit the center. My breasts are growing and you tell me they are tumors? They are part of my identity. They are me. Am I a tumor? What a horrible thing to say :(. Has also said I have no breast glands and that lactation is plain impossible for someone like me MTF trans. Plain ignored me with chin raised high in the air and not ever looking my way. It sucks to see something like that.

Happy holidays....

Big hugs.

I am sorry you had to experience this.

Chrissy

Your mother is arrogant, hostile, and just plain ignorant.  If you decided not to let her be in your life, your friends here would understand completely.  (((((HUGS)))))

All humans, male and female, have breast tissue unless they have had a mastectomy.  All it takes for them to grow is the right hormones.  Endocrinologists and prescribing doctors try to avoid letting the hormone mix trigger lactation, but it is certainly possible.  Several ladies here have done it.

Quote from: LizK on December 10, 2018, 06:57:11 AM
If it's any use the breasts you are growing are anatomically correct and you can lactate..not uncommon at all

Good luck
Liz


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

There are MtF who have breast feed their own babies.  One person who did just that is Christine McGinn.  Here's a like to an article (googled "Christine McGinn breastfeeding") https://www-them-us.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/www.them.us/story/trans-women-breastfeed/amp?amp_js_v=a2&amp_gsa=1&usqp=mq331AQHCAFYAYABAQ%3D%3D#referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com&amp_tf=From%20%251%24s



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What a horrible, hurtful experience.  I am so sorry you had to endure that.  Please stay strong and true to yourself, and know there are living, breathing people who support you. 

Families can often hurt the most. That is why I do not talk to any of them anymore. Not one ever. Even when I see one at the gas station I just ignore him and he knows it too.

Whoever says

QuoteSticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never break me.

obviously never had family turn on them. It is the worst feeling ever.

hi everyone

thank you for all the support. I am going to visit my transgender support group today though I was labeled stupid for saying it. If I don't go I really don't know what i'd do. I still feel disturbed about it. I still feel like the best place I belong right now is with the transgender community. I feel like only they can really understand. Regular folks I think have a hard time understanding because they don't have to go through what we go through. This is leaving my family fairly short since I believe last year I wrote to my father and he refused to connect with me. I'm now just afraid of talking to my mother because of her harsh stand on things and never apologizing for anything. If she said I have tumors growing on my chest god only knows what she'd be capable of saying next. I'm keeping conversations strictly bussiness out of fear.

Thank you for the article on breast feeding i've  read another article before and have herd others mention it. I just have trouble understanding the thought why someone would say that.

Quote from: Devlyn on December 10, 2018, 06:47:38 AM
Big hug! "Family" isn't all they're cracked up to be. I consider family as the people who show me that they love me on a daily basis. Blood has nothing to do with that test. You hold your head high and enjoy this holiday season, with or without the support of those who ought to be behind you. We're behind you. We support you. We love you.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

What Devlyn said!!! X2 😃👍

All shall be well little sister... As Walt Whitman wrote...

"Whoever denies me it shall not trouble me,
Whoever accepts me he or she shall be blessed and shall bless me."

Onward we go brave girl...

Ashley 🙋‍♀️🙏💕🌸

People may have trouble understanding, or being accepting. But I don't understand why that has to turn into nastiness.

Your strategy of keeping communication to the necessities sounds like a good one.

Happy Holidays, Asakawa!

~Dee

Quote from: Asakawa on December 10, 2018, 05:11:59 PM
hi everyone

thank you for all the support. I am going to visit my transgender support group today though I was labeled stupid for saying it. If I don't go I really don't know what i'd do. I still feel disturbed about it. I still feel like the best place I belong right now is with the transgender community. I feel like only they can really understand. Regular folks I think have a hard time understanding because they don't have to go through what we go through. This is leaving my family fairly short since I believe last year I wrote to my father and he refused to connect with me. I'm now just afraid of talking to my mother because of her harsh stand on things and never apologizing for anything. If she said I have tumors growing on my chest god only knows what she'd be capable of saying next. I'm keeping conversations strictly bussiness out of fear.

Thank you for the article on breast feeding i've  read another article before and have herd others mention it. I just have trouble understanding the thought why someone would say that.

I'm sorry your Mom was mean to you like that. This is just a thought but maybe your Mom can't accept what is happening. Saying mean stuff might be her way of trying to shock you into stopping your course of action. It kind of sounds like she's in denial, pulling out all the stops to make you see her way. It is hard to hear. It seems to me the way to keep your sanity after something like that is to do what you are doing, seek support from those who understand. Focus on building your life by staying strong and staying positive. Sometimes people come around in time, sometimes we lose people. There are plenty of people in this world who are supportive. Surround yourself with such people. Be confident in knowing that pursuing being yourself is the right thing to do. Don't let people drenched in ignorance deter you from being the best you you can be, even if it is family. Hugs, Girl!
Moni

I started hrt when i was 21 by myself unfortunately and im 33 now. did not say anything until around 2 to 3 years later. acceptance is hard, but I thought i was accepted already. still she does not like it and mentions things that make me feel like I should stop. I had to briefly stop about 3 years ago because we lost our home + the hormone dry up of the online market. patches are super expensive and after that there was no money. I shifted back 'naturally' with out taking anything and took it as a moment to review things. I found no happiness and it felt like I was trying to drown myself in things to do to avoid seeing a doctor. I restarted hrt last year and mid way this year I went under a doctor's care. I feel happy, but things get hard when family does these things. I am transgender Im not like other regular folks so the time I was 'normal' i really was not. I was doing so much it was inhuman and I wonder just how I was able to manage so many things and do so many things in that little break of a time. I think that was no life and certainly no way to live.

I went to my support group and it was nice. I feel better though sometimes it is a little hard to understand things. They are small groups of about 10 or 15 people and many of the girls are in prostitution :(. I'm not a prostitute and once I started HRT at 21 my libido went down to the floor which was welcomed.

Is prostitution that common in mtf? With the things you can get I hope I don't have to resort to prostitution to survive. I'd rather just live in my car if that is the case :(. I don't have a stable job right now and I am trying to hopefully have something by the end of next year... I just hope things hold together until then. Life just seems uncertain right now.

Asakawa - I am struggling in life right now too so I can relate.  My struggles are not about being trans but other life issues.  But this is about you not me.  Just letting you know many of us can relate to the pain you are feeling.

First - do not resort to prostitution - it's not just the demeaning nature of the act it is also the types of people you are going to interact with - it is sad and dangerous.  Life would become harder for you in the long run if you were to do so.

Regarding your family - UGH - I can't describe how repulsive I find what your Mother said to you. 

You should be loved for who you truly are and treated with kindness and respect.  Don't give your time - energy and emotions to people that don't treat you in the manner that you deserve.

Take care of YOU.

Nearly all of the people on the site are employed at something other than prostitution. Many of the members are in professions that pay well and some quite well. Of those who engage in prostitution, the reason for some is to raise quick cash to pay for the cost of their transition. This may not be true everywhere but it appears the prostitution is relatively rare among us.

Thank you everyone for all the love and support. I appreciate all the responses and read everyone of them in this tough time. It looks like things won't get any fix and my mother refuses to apologize even when I asked her to, though really I don't think I even have to have asked, so I will just have to live with this. At least at this time I don't want to talk to her but obviously there are times when you just have to when you live with someone. I'm going to be strong because I have to be. It feels like its so hard moving forward from this point on. I haven't spoken to my father in about 20 years and a short letter to him for a response about a year and a half ago did not end well. No arguments or anything, but just got cut and refused to connect. From what my mother has told me in the past my father was not very nice. He is very macho and doesn't know I am trans so perhaps it is just best for things to remain this way. When they separated I went with mom. I don't really want this to be a separation but in a way it is. I'm scared of thinking what else she could say if she said that to me, so I want to try as HARD as I possibly can to not have conversations with her or keep it all extremely short. Also focusing on other things instead of being connected. I still feel like I have to help and I will, but it is hard. I don't understand, but things similar to this has happened before, BUT I WAS, or well my body parts, were NEVER CALLED TUMORS. This was different and it scared me.

I feel like if family can do this to me then a partner, I think, would be more likely to. My ex was a player and after separated tried to reconnect about 2 to 3 years down the line, but I was trans by then. It was a terrible experience and I was called certain things. Sorry I am a little low in faith with people right now, but I am sure not everyone is like this. I shouldn't worry about this anyway and better focus on managing my life better.

Thank you all for the support again it helps quite a bit. I was actually not able to share anything about this in my trans support group. Their subjects are more about politics and social trans and not about each person's individual problems. Still it is nice to be there and here too, so thank you

At work I have a coworker I can relate with about toxic family relationships.  He would relate stories about the nasty things his mom and sisters would do to him.  I solved my issues by moving many times zones from home and making new friends.  Even had a partner for many years until she passed.  No regrets whatsoever.

Consider what time will do for your life. As time goes by, this situation you are facing now will change. It will not always look like it does now. Work on yourself now. Grow in your strength and confidence. Rise above what was said to you. That inner strength will last the rest of your life. It will stay with you. Build, build, build your life. Create a new and stronger you. Keep your head held high, for in the end, your view is right. Even if you fail from time to time, it's okay. Pick yourself up and keep moving for the real you.
Moni

My mom apologized to me about 2 days ago. This was after being labeled stupid twice and at one point when I mentioned the tumor comment I was told to go to hell :(. I'm not sure if I had ever herd my mother told me to go to hell before. She was really chatty and in a good mood and slightly worried (I have a heart conditioned call WPW) and was telling me to rest better and take care of myself, but I told her what the point of that was if she was telling me things like she has and she apologized. I'm glad she did because it was a really heavy feeling to carry, but she also said she doesn't like to talk about the transgender subject. That is fair, but that is a big part of my life and if that isn't a go then most of my life is shut out. That's ok too. Thing is it feels like things are irreparably damaged somehow. Mom has also began to de synchronize  from our daily routine. Used to do things together, but seems to be clearly and actively trying to separate from them. That is okay too. After saying my breasts are tumors it just feels like things changed drastically. I feel like I no longer want to be around her. She just seems different and I feel like she almost doesn't care what she says. I am also scared about what she could potentially say again. I don't remember if she has ever told me to go to hell before, but it felt weird because I had just mentioned her comment about labeling my parts a tumor. It's like... so my breasts are tumors and now I, as a whole?, should go to hell? I also think I was told something serious a few months back, but my memory is so vague about it I do not think it was as shocking as my body parts being labeled a tumor. I am looking at options to be on my own, but I am unsure how plausible they are. It sucks not being that well grounded financially! I think maybe in January I will have an answer on that. It almost feels like mother doesn't care anymore. I don't know what is happening or maybe I have been blind. There has always been issues, lots of issues, but I always thought family was important and that it was important to stay together. But how can you stay together when someone labels your parts as a tumor? I think that's it. I think this whole family relationship is over. I tried to reach out to my dad I think 2 years ago, but he did not want to reconnect. I think that is for the best anyway. I told mother some weeks back that if my aunt and counsins want to visit to not be invited. If my mother tells me these things then what would they say? I don't want to live my life with thoughts of relatives I know crushing me because I am transgender. It's so easy to pick on someone who is different and doesn't fit in the norm of things. I feel like I don't want to be around mom anymore. Her attitude feels so different all of a sudden. It hurts and just builds bad memories. I just want the good memories to be honest. I feel like I just want to stay at a distance. It's so hard to be with someone who can just say things like that. Words can be so sharp I just don't want to get cut. The whole thing, because its my mother, makes me feel so vulnerable. If it's a stranger... well who cares... it would hurt, but when it's your mother I just don't know what to think.

Asakawa,
   Once someone says something really mean like your Mom did, it can't be taken back. You will remember it and it will sting when you think of it. Sometimes you can let it go to a certain extent in order to continue the relationship. You definitely will be more defensive with her if that happens, for self protection sake. I wonder if you think something could be going on with your mother totally separate from you. When someone is stressed by one thing, sometimes they strike out at someone close to them. I don't know that that is the case for her. It definitely sounds reasonable to try to work on your independence so you are not captive to the negativity of your family. You deserve to be respected as your true self. If you live separate from Mom, you can really decide how much she will be in your life. Maybe if she senses losing you, she might realize she should treat you with more respect to keep you in her life.
Moni

Hi moni,

Thank you for sharing with me. It could be that something is going on, but mom and I are pretty close and we spend too much time together that I should know. We all have issues and I guess that could be something, but we generally spend most of the day together that she kind of knows everything and I know some too. It is all just weird, but I am too dense at times to really see things and we have always had some sort of issue, but I always felt it was normal because all families have issues to some degrees. Things can't be happy perfect all the time. It could just be that mom is sick of time spending with me because we have spent too much. It might just be that a little separation time would be good. Either way, I no longer feel comfortable sharing transgender stuff with her and things just seem to get rather tight suddenly if things are not going well. Things are just different now. I also don't even want to think about aunt/cousins right now since I feel that if my mom can say those things then they would easily say more. I still feel confused about it all. I wish I was better placed financially at this point to just seek out some independence with out dependence, but I do not have that right now. Transitioning has been really tough that I have not been able to invest that much out time as much as I should have,but I feel that my transition is going along really well. It has all just been slow. If there is anything it would have to be something like january or maybe February but then again taxes come in and there is some debt  ( I guess we all have debts! ).  I have been visiting my usually transgender support group, but I am seeing if I can find another group to add in. I don't share my issues there, but it is nice to see other TG girls and learning about TG issues. I am still focused on my schooling and seeing where that will take me. If anything is going to take my places it should be that. Though I don't expect much either since it isn't like a big profession. I just need to find a little Independence and I think life will be better. Thank you so much for sharing it all helps :(.