Hello, I am a 31 year old man at the moment. I have recently been questioning whether or not I feel I can continue living as one. I feel this came to light recently after I started some medication to help me handle depression and slight anxiety I've been having over the years. I feel it has cleared my clouded mind. I had these thoughts when I was much younger but buried them away due to family stresses and general survival at the time. I am worried now because I want to embrace my feminine side more than I already have, and if I openly do, I will find myself without a home or a wife.
I derive a sense of excitement from wearing things normally only for women, as well as a desire to shave my legs and paint my nails. I recently found over the knee socks and they are my new favorite thing ever, and I can hide them because I wear long jeans and boots to work. I'm here hoping to get some questions I might have answered as I have tried a few things but to no avail because of the size of certain parts of my anatomy.
Thanks for listening to my plight. :P
Hi, DraconisTiff!
Welcome to Susan's.
You have come to the right place to have your questions answered. No one can tell you whether or not you are transgender - only you can make that determination - but I am sure you will get lots of advice and personal experience to help you.
If you have not already done so, you might want to seek out a gender therapist to help you work through your issues and decide where you want to go from here.
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Hi Drac :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's Place :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Hi DraconisTiff!
I totally understand the worrying. That's all it seemed I did for a very long time...bouncing back and forth between "If I just did this" I could "be me and do this other thing I've always wanted to do" ...and then two days later I would shut it all down again. Little rebellions like wearing things under my guy clothes or dressing when nobody was around etc...not knowing if the worrying was generated by fear, shame or something else entirely. There would be days, weeks...even a couple times months without feeling the dysphoria but it always came back and, over time, it got worse and worse.
The single happiest day of my life, apart from the birth of my daughters, was the day I just accepted everything about myself I tried to push down every day.
I am by no means saying - Hey! Just accept yourself! Please don't misunderstand me. Everybody on this website and in the world at large is different than everybody else. We all feel dysphoria at different levels and intensities or even maybe not at all. We are all at different places in our transitions or our thoughts of possible transition - and we all work though things at our own speed.
I have no doubt that the people here at Susan's Place would be happy to answer questions and talk things through with you, but I personally believe the best thing you can do for yourself is to talk it out with a therapist, particularly one with experience in transgender issues. You may be surprised at what you discover.
I look forward to seeing you around! Best of luck to you.
xoxoxo
Alyssa
Welcome! I did a lot of back and forth too. But over the last two years have finally accepted myself. I'm the happiest I've been in as long as I can remember.
Therapy has helped me tremendously. I'd suggest that be your first step. You don't have to bring up the gender stuff at first. Talk about your anxiety and depression to begin with. The gender stuff will come when you're comfortable.
Again, welcome! And keep us posted!
Dusty
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Thanks everyone for the welcome.
I am in the process of finding a new therapist and have taken to writing down my thoughts and wants as a way to inform her/him of my personal story because i can never seem to vocalize it. Hell that first day i wrote 8 and a half pages worth of stuff.. I normally hate writing but i just decided to do it. Now i try and write something everyday. I hope in the end it will help me with this when i finally find the right therapist. going to be seeing about an appointment on Monday since i found somebody i can see after work, she looks like a chill decent individual so I just need to meet them. The thoughts i'm having about this are stronger than they've ever been stemming from a dream i had a while back that made me realize what i really want to do. Dream was so vivid, i wished it was real.
My problem is not that i haven't accepted myself, because i have and want to embrace it, but because of my wife who is very black and white about what is and isn't for guys. I mentioned to her i wanted to start painting my toes and she kept asking me if i was gay and all these other questions that i just cant answer without us getting a divorce. I am not attracted to men and i never have been, so i guess that means i'm a lesbian.
Biggest worry i have right now is wanting to loose some weight and be able to actually find clothes to fit me. I'm 6' tall and even those over the knee socks need to be folded over under my knee because they are just a hair short of being able to stay up. I've been heavy since 13 and I am tired of it, but i cannot seem to keep the momentum going to go to the gym. the fat just doesn't seem to want to go away either*i have cut my portions and lost some weight but i need to really push myself at the gym to burn it faster which i cant seem to get a stable schedule to do. So off the cuff the main goal is weight loss first, then i have to deal with my thinning hair.
Thanks for the love, It feels nice to be accepted.
It definitely sounds like you have a general plan and direction for you to go in and things to work on to make yourself happy. My only advice at this point would be to not let all of the various things add up to the point that it overwhelms you. It is very easy to get discouraged. One or two things at a time and you will get there, I'm sure.
xoxoxo
Alyssa
Something I need answered is a bodily function question that I feel is more appropriate for a PM. Just need to find somebody willing to answer it.
Quote from: DraconisTiff on May 12, 2018, 08:07:29 AM
Something I need answered is a bodily function question that I feel is more appropriate for a PM. Just need to find somebody willing to answer it.
You can send me a PM and I'll try to answer if I can.
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Welp thats going to have to wait till i hit 14 posts i guess.
Welcome DraconisTiff
I wish I had the right answer for you but I don't it certainly is a big choice choosing over your wife and home and transitioning
But know that you came to the right place this place is jam-packed full of knowledge and very caring people that will shed light on your situation
Choosing between the two must be extremely tough all I can say is that you have known in your head probably from earliest memories to now what you are
I guess you'll have to look at the big picture long term and try to work through this
possibly overtime I hope your wife might become a little more accepting but from reading what you said it doesn't look the greatest
But hang in there perhaps a answer will present itself
at least you're with your own kind here and you can learn from other people's experience and wisdom
All the best to you my friend love Tatiana
Quote from: DraconisTiff on May 11, 2018, 10:20:38 PM
Thanks everyone for the welcome.
I am in the process of finding a new therapist and have taken to writing down my thoughts and wants as a way to inform her/him of my personal story because i can never seem to vocalize it. Hell that first day i wrote 8 and a half pages worth of stuff.. I normally hate writing but i just decided to do it. Now i try and write something everyday. I hope in the end it will help me with this when i finally find the right therapist. going to be seeing about an appointment on Monday since i found somebody i can see after work, she looks like a chill decent individual so I just need to meet them. The thoughts i'm having about this are stronger than they've ever been stemming from a dream i had a while back that made me realize what i really want to do. Dream was so vivid, i wished it was real.
My problem is not that i haven't accepted myself, because i have and want to embrace it, but because of my wife who is very black and white about what is and isn't for guys. I mentioned to her i wanted to start painting my toes and she kept asking me if i was gay and all these other questions that i just cant answer without us getting a divorce. I am not attracted to men and i never have been, so i guess that means i'm a lesbian.
Biggest worry i have right now is wanting to loose some weight and be able to actually find clothes to fit me. I'm 6' tall and even those over the knee socks need to be folded over under my knee because they are just a hair short of being able to stay up. I've been heavy since 13 and I am tired of it, but i cannot seem to keep the momentum going to go to the gym. the fat just doesn't seem to want to go away either*i have cut my portions and lost some weight but i need to really push myself at the gym to burn it faster which i cant seem to get a stable schedule to do. So off the cuff the main goal is weight loss first, then i have to deal with my thinning hair.
Thanks for the love, It feels nice to be accepted.
Ultimately you will find the right answers. You are in the same place lots of us are at or have been at. Go slow and be honest with yourself and even more honest with your SO. She may be asking now if you are gay but there will be another issue if you move forward that you need to consider. That is you both being women and her feeling like it's a lesbian relationship. Gay, not gay, gay again. I hope you see this and are prepared to answer those questions as well.
You need to consider timing of a discussion with your wife, she really needs to be involved from day one, it is so much harder rebuilding trust when you delay telling her until you are already down your new path, I speak from experience on this. We are working with it and staying together but it's got bumps.
When you talk make sure you tell the truth and don't get angry. Let her talk and express her true feelings and you need to listen calmly and openly, there may be painful statements made. Work with her and remember how big a deal this is for you and then consider it's ever a bigger deal for her. She is losing a husband and gaining a woman that she never counted on or considered.
Don't get discouraged with the rough parts, if you can make it work it will be a wonderful journey together.
Yesterday my wife mentioned how she hated the changes in me and me always talking about them right before she ordered me 5 blouses and 2 pairs of slacks.
Be prepared and don't get defensive and argumentative as it will just cause you to lose any gains you may have made.
Losing weight will be a bigger deal, if you start HRT down the road it can affect weight gain and lose. From what I've read it can cause gain, so getting a stray now is a good thing, just remember she will notice that too. My 80 pound drop and breast growth outed my to my wife well after I started my journey. If you go the HRT route you need to understand that no two people respond to it the same. There is no timeline or schedule with HRT. Your body will do with it what it wants at its own rate, don't get discouraged by that
You may find once you have a therapist and a good connection the things that will come pouring out will surprise you. Counseling is a very good step
Good luck and best wishes on moving forward
Quote from: DraconisTiff on May 12, 2018, 08:12:25 AM
Welp thats going to have to wait till i hit 14 posts i guess.
That should not take long on here. Lots of places to read and comment. Feel free to PM me as well.
I guess 14 wasn't enough? I understand the need for these restrictions, But it is quite a hindrance to those of us who don't like to talk too much, or just don't have much to say. Or maybe i need to be over 14 posts and not just 14. I dunno.
Hi DraconisTiff,
I'm in the same boat as you in regards to your wife. The wonderful people in this forum are the only ones I've ever mentioned my true self to. I wish you the best, keep us updated.
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