Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Transitioning => Topic started by: Denise on February 06, 2017, 12:07:33 PM

Poll
Question: After your transition or when you're full-time - do you plan on...
Option 1: Live as stealth as possible and "keep away from things Transgender" to avoid detection votes: 9
Option 2: Be an advocate and support Transgender causes publically votes: 2
Option 3: Be more than an just advocate - actively seek an audience to inform and educate on what being Transgender is all about votes: 4
Option 4: Other - please specify in your comments votes: 12
Title: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: Denise on February 06, 2017, 12:07:33 PM
I may be strange (everyone is in their own way) but I actually enjoy public speaking.  Standing in front of an audience of 5 or 50 or even 500 actually gives me an Adrenalin rush.  Nervous before and for the first 30 seconds, then all is calm.  I would like to do things like TED talks or speak at a Kiwanis or Chamber of Commerce meeting to help CIS people understand what it means to be Transgender.

It's not a disease it's more like being left-handed or even ambidextrous and let people know what it means to discover yourself after living a full life.

Anyone else?  If you have done this type of speaking I would love to hear how you got involved, who you have spoken with and any notes you may have had.   
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: jjvoerman on February 06, 2017, 12:22:43 PM
I quit my job. Got a director to make a theatre show from my blog. And I dit it. Small theaters. Biggest was 200 people. But it felt sooo good!

Verstuurd vanaf mijn HUAWEI MT7-L09 met Tapatalk

Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: Kylo on February 06, 2017, 12:40:58 PM
I'm going to try to build an actual life for myself.

I don't want others to know my history. I will try to keep it where it belongs, private.

That said if I encounter people who have a problem with trans people I'm not afraid to tell them why they don't need to have one, but I will do it as subtly as possible. I've found arguing and proselytizing doesn't achieve much on ground level. Being respected by your peers so that when you do have something to say and they question why you believe what you do believe does seem to work, because they respect your views for a reason. Weirdly enough there are people who do seem to respect my view because I'm logical to them, I guess. If I have any use to offer it would be in that way on that level. I don't think I'd be an influential public speaker, I'm better with those I know.
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: Nina_Ottawa on February 06, 2017, 12:45:31 PM
Other.
I don't mingle or know trans people in person, nor have I gone out of my way since year 1 of my RLE. I had a couple "experiences" with a local trans group, and decided to go my own way.
I'm not a role model for the trans community, that's for sure, but I came to this site a month ago thinking maybe I have some pearls of wisdom to share. Maybe, because I've been living under the radar, I forgot where I came from. Seriously, after 9 years RLE, you kind of forget...at least I did.
I've enjoyed hearing from those who went to Brassard...but I've also really enjoyed reading posts of those just starting out, like I did almost 10 years ago. Back then, I had no vision, no expectation of where I'd be...yet, here I am.
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: Rambler on February 06, 2017, 12:54:25 PM
I'm considering running for political office. Something local level, at least at first. It's always been something that interested me, and as I started opening up to to the idea of being trans months ago, back when I was toying with the 'gender fluid' moniker, I felt like it would have been an impossibility. But the further into transition I get, the more politically active I tend to be (I think part of what finally pushed me over the edge to come out and start transitioning was the 2016 election, weirdly enough.) Now that other aspects of transitioning are becoming more real, and after seeing some trans people emerge in electoral races and public offices (there's a very touching story about a Texas mayor that just started circulating,) coupled with discussions with my counselor who keeps telling me I should consider it without even knowing I had thought about it myself, and I'm pretty sure that it is just an eventuality.

As far as private life goes, I really like my job & co-workers. It's a growing company and my boss knows I'm trans and is happy to work with me as I get closer to going full-time. I've got no intention of leaving for now, but I'm thinking a lot about going back to school for interior design at my community college and transferring to an art institute school for my bachelor's after I get the associates. It's always interested me, but I never took the consideration seriously when I was in college for my first bachelor's degree because it's not a field people typically see a straight man in and my MO growing up and in school was to always fly unseen under the radar. This was back before I even 'knew' I was trans, but I was always soo self-conscious of people critiquing my masculinity.
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: MeTony on February 06, 2017, 01:16:54 PM
I like my job too. I don't think much will change when I transition. I still work at the same place. They see competence at my workplace, not gender. We have gay people in leading positions. And a dragqueen, I've once seen him in women's cloths on an AW. Or maybe he is trangender too. Who knows. Everyone is accepted for who they are.
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: Sophia Sage on February 06, 2017, 01:42:15 PM
Other.

I'm not fond of the term "stealth" because it implies you're hiding your truth.  My truth is that I'm female, and deep down inside I always have been.  So I'm not hiding, not "avoiding detection" -- rather, I actively live my life for this truth of being female to be constantly revealed.  In practice, that means practicing "non-disclosure" or living with a "closed narrative" when it comes to the cis population at large, including the various lovers I've had over the years.

But I am still a part of my family, so obviously there's no closed narrative there.  My family, though, didn't just accept my transition, they embraced it, and as far as I can tell consider me every much their daughter as they do with my sister.  They do not out me, so I have not had to compartmentalize this aspect of my life.  If I couldn't trust them with that, though, then I would compartmentalize them... which might become a possibility given my father's recent onset of Alzheimer's.

I have flitted into trans spaces on occasion since transitioning back at the turn of the century -- a support group here, an online discussion there.  Like Kylo, I'll speak up for trans rights when contextually appropriate.  Mostly, though, I'll spend occasional weekends with some dear friends who adhere to narrative non-disclosure as well.  We might spend an evening talking about our insights, but the rest of the time we're just enjoying each others' company, watching shows like House of Cards or recent movies we've liked, going out to eat, taking walks, that sort of thing.
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: I Am Jess on February 06, 2017, 02:25:54 PM
I think it is important to educate as many people as possible about transgender issues.  I have been with the same employer for almost 30 years.  I have a great pension plan and I will continue at my current job for 5-10 more years.  I work and live in California and so I have a certain amount of job protection.  I have been giving presentations to groups my entire career.  I wanted to wait a little bit post start of my transition before I spoke publicly.  I have now done a number of public presentations on trans issues and I have been featured in a story on one of the local Los Angeles TV stations.  I think it is important for the public to know about and see trans individuals who are successful and appear normal.  There is great confusion and some fear in the general public about transgender individuals.  The more we can do to normalize the public's perception of trans people the better off the community will be.

I have told people that I didn't trade one closet for another.  I'm trans and I am proud of the fact that I have openly transitioned and educated so many of my family and friends.
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: FTMax on February 06, 2017, 02:52:39 PM
I selected other.

In my daily life, I have passing privilege. While I transitioned in place, nobody ever brings up that I'm trans. I have the privilege of not having to tell people that I'm just now meeting for the first time. There isn't much in my daily life that revolves around being trans either, so in that sense I am stealth. I don't see that changing.

But I still contribute to places like this. I'm also an administrator in two large surgery support groups for FTMs. I blog. I have my own private surgery group that is open to anyone (yes, even cis people!) who wants to read about my experience, see pictures, or ask me questions. And all of that is done under my real name. It isn't hard to find out who I am, where I live, etc. So I certainly don't keep away from all things trans.

I don't know. I don't think there are any causes within the community which would actively benefit from having me be any kind of real life advocate or spokesperson. And there are many things related to the community that it would feel insincere for me to feign interest in for the sake of advocacy. But I think I can do a lot of good by continuing to do what I already do.
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: Lynne on February 06, 2017, 05:40:04 PM
Other. On one hand I would like to shout out that I did it, I survived this, I am who I am and inspire and educate people but on the other hand I want some normalcy in my life which was missing all these years.
I helped our local trans organization and community by offering my time and work for free, helped in organizing many events, even represented them at some events and it felt really good to help in the last few years but I need to have my life fully fixed first before I can give more.
I really don't like injustice and discrimination and I will speak up if I feel that something should be said and I might even disclose the fact that I'm transgender myself if I feel that is needed to make a point. But I won't advertise it everywhere I go because my trans history is just a medical fact, not something that defines me entirely or something that everyone should know. I can and will help the trans community even if I choose to hide part of my past from certain people.
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: MissGendered on February 06, 2017, 06:28:17 PM
I voted for the 'live stealth' option, though I also prefer to think of it not as hiding something, but rather maintaining a 'closed narrative'. Also like Sophia, all my family knows, and the ones I see regularly see me as cis and do not out me nor mis-gender me, nor consciously 'other' me. I have lived deep stealth in far away places, and though I love being near my sisters and nieces, especially, it is better for me when I live away from my past completely. A blank canvas of a life to fill with new imagery and ideas suits me ever so sweetly.

I am also a recent returnee to the community, I guess I am back for my 4 year tune-up, lol, after disclosing to a man I loved, only to be rejected afterward. Where else but this community can a girl find solace after such a bruising? I have stayed, though, because I too had forgotten where I started, and how far I have travelled, and just how important it is to give back to those that are just now beginning their journey. I don't know how long I will stay, but I am happy to be here, both to give, and to receive.

My particular history, though, makes me an odd girl out, and a poor candidate for any advocacy at all, except perhaps against infant surgeries on intersex children. But, really, common sense should prevail in such cases, nobody really needs to hear me rail on against it, I have no interest in 'othering' myself publicly for any reason.

So, my post-transition role?

Living as if nothing unusual ever happened to me, just another tall blonde at the beach, lol..

Missy
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: HappyMoni on February 06, 2017, 07:41:34 PM
Dee,
I hate the nerves associated with public speaking. I came out in front of 90 coworkers last year. I was scared but once I started, it was so heartfelt that I lost myself in the moment and it kind of flowed. When finished, I was relieved and a little proud. Would I do it again? Only if I had to.
Moni
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: Kylo on February 06, 2017, 07:55:25 PM
They made me do public speaking a bunch at different school and university, which wasn't hard but would I be able to talk to random people about being trans... I don't think I'd enjoy that. It's one thing to go on in some presentation about your short animated film and what's up with those characters --- another to put yourself up there for scrutiny.
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: Georgette on February 13, 2017, 11:23:05 PM
I may be different than most here.

I transitioned from 1975-77.  Kept working at the same place and company, Sperry Univac, till about 1992.  So NO on the full stealth, as a lot of people knew and had heard of me in company.  To the general public was stealth.
I had Secret - Top Secret security clearance from 1970-2011, and security always knew me from when I was in US Navy in 1972-74.  I was outed as Trans by accident.

My entire extended family knows and are proud of what I went thru.  All the younger ones, under 40 never knew me before transition.

My partner and I moved to the suburbs in 1983, and were stealth with all neighbors.

When I went to other companies later, was stealth at them.

Since my partner died in 2014, I came back out to the LGBT community.  Still stealth for general public, but in the LGBT crowd, I am fairly well known.  And will tell all who are interested in my past.

I am not much on public speaking or advocate.

As far as cis men, I never revealed my background, but that wasn't too often anyway.
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: Barb99 on February 14, 2017, 09:12:53 AM
Other

I transitioned openly so the only way I could go stealth would be to move away and I have no desire to do that.
While I'm not going stealth, I don't intend to make my past known to anyone that does not need to know. I'm not hiding it but I'm not advertising it either. As I meet new people I would prefer that they just know me as Charley, I just want to live a "normal life". Over the next few months as I get back into dating I will probably take down my picture here and remove anything in my online presence that could out me as trans.
I'm not going to disappear, but I will make it difficult for anyone to discover my trans status.
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: pretty pauline on February 14, 2017, 05:05:36 PM
I voted for live stealth, I didn't plan things this way, just the way my situation developed over the years having transition in the 1980s, my close family of course knows but it's never spoken about now, I don't see myself hiding anything, just left my old male life behind and got on with my new life as a woman.
I seldom think about my ''trans status'' only when I login here, I disclosed my past to a man who propose marriage to me, it was only fair he knew my history, he accept my situation and is now my husband, his family doesn't know and he doesn't want them to know, he never mentions it now, he fully and completely accepts me as a woman, anybody sees me at the shopping mall, I'm just another boring mundane housewife.
So my ''post'' transition role now is, I'm a fulltime housewife married to a wonderful man, never expected things to turn out this way, but that's the way my life developed.
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: Georgette on February 15, 2017, 12:59:13 AM
Pauline
So good to hear from others from many years ago that have had a successful life. 
Too often we hear of the problems, but not the long term successes.

I think we need to get out and show others that we can have successful and happy lives.
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: Sophia Sage on February 15, 2017, 01:16:49 AM
Quote from: Georgette on February 15, 2017, 12:59:13 AMI think we need to get out and show others that we can have successful and happy lives.

Sometimes, though, these are mutually exclusive actions...

Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: Inarasarah on February 16, 2017, 11:19:51 AM
It is an interesting question for me.  Having transitioned in 2003 and having been a public advocate, even if it was sometime time ago, I can say that I do not shy away from educating people.  But the last 8 years of my life have been stealth-ish.  I do not bring up my past, I do not let it define me and I am rarely asked about being trans. 

So with one surgery down and one more on the near horizon, I ask myself again where do I want to go.  And honestly, I just want to live my life.  I don't really care if people know I am trans, I am.  But I am not going to let it rule my life.  I am a woman, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and most of all the girl I always wanted to be and this is really all I could ask for in life.  Later this year, I will enter my second half century of life on this little rock.  What adventures lay before me are unknown, what new relationships have yet to be seen.  For me, I plan to be happy.  That is all.

I will still advocate for others, I will continue to speak up against transgressions and against those who seek to place us back into the closet.  Injustice and bigotry are two things I cannot stand, as most of my followers on social media are all too familiar with. 

I came here looking for support for an impossible surgery that could change my life.  I am half way there, and am so very grateful to those who have helped me, listened to me, and have offered thier support and friendship.  And through all of this, I have made a few new friends which honestly icing on a wonderful rainbow cake. 

To live in stealth, or to live open is not really the way I think about it anymore.  To live happy and free as myself is all that I could ever ask or hope for... Hugs,

Sarah
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: Denise on February 17, 2017, 08:59:05 AM
Quote from: Inarasarah on February 16, 2017, 11:19:51 AM
...
To live in stealth, or to live open is not really the way I think about it anymore.  To live happy and free as myself is all that I could every ask or hope for... Hugs,

Sarah

Thank you !
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: Michelle_P on February 17, 2017, 12:56:25 PM
Post-transition I plan on continuing my activism and public advocacy for transgender and other marginalized peoples.

I find that having gotten past the old repression that I am not actually an introvert.  I'm downright obnoxious, and activism seems an appropriate channel for me.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: JeanetteLW on February 17, 2017, 01:05:32 PM
 I think the poll ought to have another selection to encompass those who will post transition attempt to live normal lives neither in hiding nor actively advocating. I think it is possibly to integrate.

Jeanette
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: Barb99 on February 17, 2017, 03:49:32 PM
Quote from: JeanetteLW on February 17, 2017, 01:05:32 PM
I think the poll ought to have another selection to encompass those who will post transition attempt to live normal lives neither in hiding nor actively advocating. I think it is possibly to integrate.

Jeanette

Pretty much where I think I'll end up.
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: staciM on February 17, 2017, 04:01:48 PM
^ +1
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: jessi on February 17, 2017, 05:42:17 PM
Quote from: JeanetteLW on February 17, 2017, 01:05:32 PM
I think the poll ought to have another selection to encompass those who will post transition attempt to live normal lives neither in hiding nor actively advocating. I think it is possibly to integrate.

Jeanette
The correct term for that is assimilation, which is something that I struggle to balance "being accepted" and staying grounded, since it's easy to forget about the fact that trans and gnc folks will always be marginalized and there is no true safety (at least in my country, the US 😟)
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: pretty pauline on February 18, 2017, 06:31:43 AM
Quote from: Georgette on February 15, 2017, 12:59:13 AM
Pauline
So good to hear from others from many years ago that have had a successful life. 
Too often we hear of the problems, but not the long term successes.

I think we need to get out and show others that we can have successful and happy lives.
Thank you Georgette, probably the most successful fulfilment in my life since I transitioned was getting married to my boyfriend and becoming his wife, life is just so normal, life was a struggle in relationships over the years, now I'm in just a normal typical  marriage, hubby does all the guy stuff, fixing things etc, I do all the wife stuff, housekeeping cooking etc, it's not for everybody, I can live with it, just being a woman and getting on with life with as little stress and my husband just being there for me.
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: Denise on February 18, 2017, 08:11:17 AM
Quote from: JeanetteLW on February 17, 2017, 01:05:32 PM
I think the poll ought to have another selection to encompass those who will post transition attempt to live normal lives neither in hiding nor actively advocating. I think it is possibly to integrate.

Good point - I guess when I created this poll I was considering that as Stealth.  Basically I wanted to know how many people would check, like me, to actively seek an audience to educate people.  Some have gone as far as TED talks.

So "Integrated" would be those people who are open about being Trans, but don't bring it up in conversation unless someone brings it up first.  I like it.  Thanks.
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: Sophia Sage on February 18, 2017, 10:07:57 AM
Quote from: Denise on February 18, 2017, 08:11:17 AMSo "Integrated" would be those people who are open about being Trans, but don't bring it up in conversation unless someone brings it up first.  I like it.  Thanks.

"Don't bring it up in conversation unless someone brings it up first."

Imagine how this life looks when five years go by and no one brings it up.


Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: Michelle_P on February 18, 2017, 11:03:05 AM
Quote from: Sophia Sage on February 18, 2017, 10:07:57 AM
"Don't bring it up in conversation unless someone brings it up first."

Imagine how this life looks when five years go by and no one brings it up.

That sure sounds like a successful transition to just living life as yourself!  (I don't know that I would be able to pull that off.)


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: Georgette on February 18, 2017, 01:56:01 PM
I agree with Michelle and Sophia,

That has been most of my early life.  Even where I worked and transitioned, can't say I ever had any of those conversations.
Guess I assimilated and had a very successful life.

Only since I have come back out to the LGBT community have I had those conversations.  Surprising how many women and Gay men are interested in my story and how it was way back then.
Plus WASH DC was quite a bit segregated from the Lesbian and Gay communities.  Very seldom did they get together.  Now we have quite a few LGBT and straight clubs.
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: Sophia Sage on February 18, 2017, 02:37:52 PM
Quote from: Michelle_P on February 18, 2017, 11:03:05 AMThat sure sounds like a successful transition to just living life as yourself!  (I don't know that I would be able to pull that off.)

I think it's almost always possible to pull off. 

Pulling it off, however, usually requires sacrifices. That's the touch choice, and it's a very personal one.
Title: Re: What are your thoughts on your "Post" transition role
Post by: Colleen_definitely on February 21, 2017, 07:22:31 AM
Quote from: Sophia Sage on February 18, 2017, 10:07:57 AM
"Don't bring it up in conversation unless someone brings it up first."

Imagine how this life looks when five years go by and no one brings it up.

That honestly sounds like my dream.  I never wanted this, and I sure as hell would rather not bring attention to it.  I just want to be me, be happy, and be left alone about this.