Have you ever masked your own pain with gaming?
May be trans problems may be life problems but you mask your pain and feelings and bottle them up using games. I do, iv'e always used it as another world i can zone into and believe i'm inside and that nothing else exists but inside that space "I'm normal" and nothing can go wrong. It was today while i took my parents out to eat and was asked have you slept? And i realized i didn't remember....then i thought about it and it came to be i barely had any sleep for 2 days.
I used to be a big time power gamer. It made the days disappear. Now that I'm me, I find I still enjoy it, but I don't play anywhere near as much. I'd rather spend time with people now.
Ever since my dad bought home an Acorn Electron more than 30 years ago I've escaped reality within games.
Back in the good old days games didn't have gender expectations, they were so new to the world nobody considered it to be a male/female pastime, in the 90's I foolishly turned to drugs to mask my dysphoria & after a decade of addiction I managed to steer my addiction from drugs back to videogames, a much healthier alternative.
I became such a powergamer that I would frequently have 2 games of C & C running, one on a PC & one one my ps1. I don't think I'll ever shake my videogame habit as I enjoy it too much, a few days after Xmas I played Ark for 36hrs!!
If I'm playing a persistent open world such as Ark or Elite I give my Avatar a back story, that sums up how deeply immersed I get
Well, that's exactly what I've been doing the past five years. Most days, sitting on my computer. Not necessarily playing anything, but still. At least I eat and sleep enough.
It does sound a bit contradictory for a person like me to spend most of my time like that, given that I am quite spiritual in a kinda-shamanistic way, my primary objectives in life right now (transition is one of them, but that is kind of oblivious) are to learn lucid dreaming and study to get formal training as a nature guide, and I am completely inept when it comes to programming and machines. Seriously, even the basic functions of my computer are sometimes something I have to wrestle with for three hours. Gaming goes seamlessly, but that is really where my ability with anything computer-related ends.
Quote from: Midnightstar on March 05, 2016, 09:50:48 AM
Have you ever masked your own pain with gaming?
May be trans problems may be life problems but you mask your pain and feelings and bottle them up using games. I do, iv'e always used it as another world i can zone into and believe i'm inside and that nothing else exists but inside that space "I'm normal" and nothing can go wrong. It was today while i took my parents out to eat and was asked have you slept? And i realized i didn't remember....then i thought about it and it came to be i barely had any sleep for 2 days.
S'up Midnightstar?
I definitely agree that many people, trans or not, will use gaming to mask their own pain or as I like to call it,
escapism. Videogames are an awesome way of escaping from the harsh realities of life. Much like a book, movie and music. I think what sets videogames apart from those other forms of great media is that the interactivity of it supersedes them. We literally are becoming more and more a part of a virtual reality where we can do and be who we really are whenever we want. Why wouldn't people be addicted to this stuff?
Videogames are so cool, but I only play them in moderation now. I was reading through some of the comments on here thinking that there is no way right now that I could sit on my behind and play a videogame for 36 hours straight, for an example. I used to play videogames all day long in my younger days but I've went through so much in life with my physical health and really paying the price for having such a sedentary childhood that I am now turning it around through a healthier lifestyle change of exercise and richer nutrition. Videogames are great if its balanced but not if its preventing you the simple necessities of life like sleep. -.-
At one point, yeah.
As a kid I got my first job and it turned out some creep there tried to jump me. Not a great introduction to independent life, and I spent about six months just playing games to hang out in any world but this one.
No matter how I think about it, gaming has had a very important place in both allowing me to safely explore my identity beyond the dysphoria and at the same time it helped me hide it from my peers to some extent.
Early on there was suspicion about me always seeming to prefer to play female characters, which prior to my coming out I attributed to my mortality rate by gender statistics. My female characters tended to live long fulfilling lives, but my male characters tended to die in glorious martyrdom (in retrospect this should have been a sign).
When I got into MMO rpgs I ran into the peculiar situation that while my character was female, and I was very up front about being male (denial was very strong with me), nobody believed I was male. Generally the belief by many was I was a lesbian who just hated being flirted with (mostly right ::))
When I finally came out, most of my gamer friends immediately thought it made sense, but ultimately my first attempt at transition was not fruitful.
At this point I started my CIV V marathoning and non-stop Minecraft while listening to Pink Floyd on loop phase... It wasn't pretty, but smashing people in CIV V or C&C was usually enough for people to accept the pretense of masculinty I was trying to present.
Now I'm back on HRT, transitioning at a steady pace, and gaming only once a week with a group I genuinely see as extended family. My status is never brought up, but my character is female and ever so slowly I appear more feminine as our sessions progress. I'm a woman, comfortable in being a woman, and my spouse now sees me as a woman... a woman who is a major bitch in Civilization V, but a woman nonetheless. :laugh:
Quote from: FreyasRedemption on March 05, 2016, 05:09:40 PM
Well, that's exactly what I've been doing the past five years. Most days, sitting on my computer. Not necessarily playing anything, but still. At least I eat and sleep enough.
It does sound a bit contradictory for a person like me to spend most of my time like that, given that I am quite spiritual in a kinda-shamanistic way, my primary objectives in life right now (transition is one of them, but that is kind of oblivious) are to learn lucid dreaming and study to get formal training as a nature guide, and I am completely inept when it comes to programming and machines. Seriously, even the basic functions of my computer are sometimes something I have to wrestle with for three hours. Gaming goes seamlessly, but that is really where my ability with anything computer-related ends.
I want to become better with machines and dexterity. Joysticks make me want to scream. I love your username by the way. Enjoy your gaming and lucid dreaming, miss. Sometimes a virtual reality can be like lucid dreaming.
Quote from: King Phoenix on March 06, 2016, 03:43:52 AM
S'up Midnightstar?
I definitely agree that many people, trans or not, will use gaming to mask their own pain or as I like to call it, escapism. Videogames are an awesome way of escaping from the harsh realities of life. Much like a book, movie and music. I think what sets videogames apart from those other forms of great media is that the interactivity of it supersedes them. We literally are becoming more and more a part of a virtual reality where we can do and be who we really are whenever we want. Why wouldn't people be addicted to this stuff?
Videogames are so cool, but I only play them in moderation now. I was reading through some of the comments on here thinking that there is no way right now that I could sit on my behind and play a videogame for 36 hours straight, for an example. I used to play videogames all day long in my younger days but I've went through so much in life with my physical health and really paying the price for having such a sedentary childhood that I am now turning it around through a healthier lifestyle change of exercise and richer nutrition. Videogames are great if its balanced but not if its preventing you the simple necessities of life like sleep. -.-
I was also an overweight teenager who played games and chatted online a lot. I avoided social situations to forget that I was female. Exercise is a big part of my life now. It's great that you turned your life around like that. I also understand escapism well.
Quote from: T.K.G.W. on March 06, 2016, 08:12:36 AM
At one point, yeah.
As a kid I got my first job and it turned out some creep there tried to jump me. Not a great introduction to independent life, and I spent about six months just playing games to hang out in any world but this one.
I'm sorry for your bad experience.
Quote from: Yukari-sensei on March 06, 2016, 09:22:25 AM
No matter how I think about it, gaming has had a very important place in both allowing me to safely explore my identity beyond the dysphoria and at the same time it helped me hide it from my peers to some extent.
Early on there was suspicion about me always seeming to prefer to play female characters, which prior to my coming out I attributed to my mortality rate by gender statistics. My female characters tended to live long fulfilling lives, but my male characters tended to die in glorious martyrdom (in retrospect this should have been a sign).
When I got into MMO rpgs I ran into the peculiar situation that while my character was female, and I was very up front about being male (denial was very strong with me), nobody believed I was male. Generally the belief by many was I was a lesbian who just hated being flirted with (mostly right ::))
When I finally came out, most of my gamer friends immediately thought it made sense, but ultimately my first attempt at transition was not fruitful.
At this point I started my CIV V marathoning and non-stop Minecraft while listening to Pink Floyd on loop phase... It wasn't pretty, but smashing people in CIV V or C&C was usually enough for people to accept the pretense of masculinty I was trying to present.
Now I'm back on HRT, transitioning at a steady pace, and gaming only once a week with a group I genuinely see as extended family. My status is never brought up, but my character is female and ever so slowly I appear more feminine as our sessions progress. I'm a woman, comfortable in being a woman, and my spouse now sees me as a woman... a woman who is a major bitch in Civilization V, but a woman nonetheless. :laugh:
I love the Civilization games. I wasn't a very nice ruler though. I've only played the earlier versions. If I get any more I don't know if I want them for pc or nintendo ds.
Yes, I do! It's comfortable and you can be who your are there depending on the game genre! I'm actually planning on being a game "creator" so yeah!
Love, Sarina!
Because sometimes I just want to destroy everything and bathe the world in flames.
No seriously, I got into a lot of fights when I was younger. I spent most of my life defending myself for every decision I ever made. I box, too, 12 years now, but I don't compete anymore because my hips are garbage and If I could go my entire career without having my nice broken, I'd like to keep it that way. No footwork, no competing. lol
I don't know if the game Postal is still around, but that sounds like it's right up your alley. The whole game was setup to piss you off enough to want to go postal.
Yes. I did it. I always played the female character, and tried to not think about real life. Since starting HRT the need to play is gone, and instead of playing every day after work until bed time, I actually get to enjoy time with my wife and dog. I'm on a game less than 3 times a week now. It only took me 35 years to figure out my problem, and that was my minds gender wasn't the same as my body's. Now I'm 6 months in and feel better than ever.
Yes, I use rpg's to escape reality. All my characters are female and have been for a long time. My son actually asked me why, so I gave him the masculine answer...I like "eye candy" to look at while I play. When I am on Second Life, I am my female self. The only problem is turning the game off...then I have to be male again. I need to work on my voice so I can actually speak in game. I am currently playing DC Universe and Elder Scrolls Online on Xbox. I may be back to Second Life soon as my dysphoria is getting bad again. Rambling and not sure where I am going with this. Sorry for losing track of where I was headed.
Quote from: NikkiB51 on March 13, 2017, 10:21:56 PM
Yes, I use rpg's to escape reality. All my characters are female and have been for a long time. My son actually asked me why, so I gave him the masculine answer...I like "eye candy" to look at while I play. When I am on Second Life, I am my female self. The only problem is turning the game off...then I have to be male again. I need to work on my voice so I can actually speak in game. I am currently playing DC Universe and Elder Scrolls Online on Xbox. I may be back to Second Life soon as my dysphoria is getting bad again. Rambling and not sure where I am going with this. Sorry for losing track of where I was headed.
I play ESO online on the Xbox as well. I can pm you my name for Xbox Live here if you want. Having someone to talk about transitioning while doing some gaming at be helpful for both of us. At least for me it would. Especially hearing someone use my real name, and not my given name.
Definitely. Games allow you to be someone else, to control a different body. I could spend hours customising the clothing and hair of my male protagonists and then running round virtual worlds, free to be anyone I wanted.
I remember once I lent my DS to a friend so he could play pokemon diamond. I said he could start a new game as long as he didn't save over mine. And of course when he returned it to me later I found he had of course saved over the one save file allowed by the game. I asked him why he did it and he replied that I'd told him not to save over MY game, he had saved over someone called Jason (my new middle name). :eusa_doh: :eusa_wall:
I recently bought fallout 4 and downloaded the remastered version of the warriors so I think I might get back into gaming more again now, it's a brilliant way to kill time and I've got 12 months to kill now.
Been a few months since I did any gaming. I still find it entertaining, but I really like living now. It is no longer such a huge drive. Still spend a bit to much time on the computer, but it is mostly spent here or with my school work.
Quote from: Artesia on September 07, 2017, 07:32:42 PM
Been a few months since I did any gaming. I still find it entertaining, but I really like living now. It is no longer such a huge drive. Still spend a bit to much time on the computer, but it is mostly spent here or with my school work.
I'm the same way. Used to game 40+ hours a week, now it's down to about maybe 2 hours at most? Too many other things to do!
Yes. I have used gaming as a mask to avoid feeling things. But sometimes to allow myself to feel brave too. Like when I play Metroid or something. Being able to control Samus Aran who can do bad-ass things makes me feel like a bad-ass too. Granted I am not going to hunt down Metroids on Zebes, but playing/controlling a character aligned to my gender makes me feel better about myself.
I have been using gaming as a way to escape reality for a while and it is a very hard habit to break. especially with my tablet and the number of games i have on there. sometimes i delete all the games only to eventually find others within about a week.
since registering for this site i have found my focus shifted. hopefully this will continue.
Quote from: Midnightstar on March 05, 2016, 09:50:48 AM
Have you ever masked your own pain with gaming?
May be trans problems may be life problems but you mask your pain and feelings and bottle them up using games. I do, iv'e always used it as another world i can zone into and believe i'm inside and that nothing else exists but inside that space "I'm normal" and nothing can go wrong. It was today while i took my parents out to eat and was asked have you slept? And i realized i didn't remember....then i thought about it and it came to be i barely had any sleep for 2 days.
I don't mask I process? When i can't stop thinking I play games to distract my brain so my subconscious can adjust and think about things. I tend to think about thing way too hard, so thats what I used to do at least.
Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk