My sense of humor seems to have deteriorated recently. I may not be thinking completely straight. There's a reason for that.
I was one of those folks who thought that they might be able to transition and keep their family together, fueled by fantasies of the spouse and I just being comfortable platonic roommates (which we were before I came out...), and perhaps shopping with my daughter ("We'll go into Forever 21 right after I check out the sale at Talbot's...")
Nope.
My spouse lives in fear of seeing me as myself, and worse, my being seen by her friends or our neighbors. I can't be myself at home, and we go through a ritual of text messages when I leave or return. This is causing her much anxiety, to the point where she asked me to leave after the holidays. Presumably I would hover around the holiday feasts like Banquo's ghost. I had posted on this a bit a week ago.
Well, the schedule has been advanced a bit. I've been asked to be out by November 1. She likes the idea of a hard deadline. We'll be doing a straightforward mediated divorce. California law is clear on how we have to proceed, so the biggest issue is who gets the coffee grinder. (I do.)
Meanwhile, besides dismantling myself at home, I now am dismantling 40 years of my life. I'm sorting through and stripping down my library, giving away tools (table saws are inappropriate in a small condo...), trying to pack away my little engineering lab, and so on. I'm also searching real estate ads and websites, making appointments to see apartments, and such. Oh, and I'm also opening new credit and checking accounts and preparing to close old ones.
You know, the usual...
I'd be numb with depression if I wasn't so damn busy. But I've got to do this. It's not enough to take me down.
"There's a moment that changes a life when
We do something that no one else can
And the path that we've taken will lead us:
One final stand."
- "I May Fall", Jeff Williams
And once I'm past this point, those good days will be my every days.
Keep Positive Michelle_P
You are doing an amazing job with your life and don't let anyone tell you differently...
Liz :icon_tenisclap:
I know it sucks, because I've gone through this. I had one or two days notice, something ridiculous.
It can be framed as death and rebirth, Michelle, and an opportunity to catch some of that "lost time." First, the death and disintegration. It was a time to mourn what was lost, namely a particular relationship. And digging through old boxes and files, I was suddenly filled with the urge to purge as much as I could. If I was stepping out on my own, I wasn't going to drag anything from the past if I had to. It made moving easier, both in terms of not having so much to schlep into the my new place, but I also felt lighter, freer, spiritually speaking. I chucked an awful lot of old memories, because they were not going to serve me, my purposes or intentions. And I cried like the dickens.
However, I discovered when I got my own place was that I could create an environment that was best for me to do the work I had to do. It's another step in transition. A place to play with your own sense of style and femininity. I didn't bring any decorations with me, so I went out and got the stuff that I always wanted but was too scared to get before. Alphonse Mucha posters. A few cute knick-knacks. A pretty bedspread. Some cute dishware.
I created an "altar" in the bedroom (it was actually a set of shelves built into the wall) and it's here I let my inner little girl have reign. A Barbie doll. Ribbons and hair ties and barrettes. A little stuffed animal. Some pretty rocks. A vanilla candle. A picture of Prince. A comic strip cut out from the newspaper. This is eventually where I'd put my collages and diary.
Two bedrooms, one for an office. The closets were all mine. I could have friends over. Do all my own housekeeping. Watch my own shows, and keep my own hours. I got a sewing machine, bought some fabric, and made my own drapes. Kept the comfy couch.
This is the nest I made, and it's where I was when I had SRS. I felt so safe, so secure, so comfortable. I'm so, so grateful I did all that for myself. And now I'm crying happy tears at the memory, so I'll leave it at that.
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 15, 2016, 09:19:13 PM
Well, the schedule has been advanced a bit. I've been asked to be out by November 1. She likes the idea of a hard deadline. We'll be doing a straightforward mediated divorce. California law is clear on how we have to proceed, so the biggest issue is who gets the coffee grinder. (I do.)
Michelle, I think this is actually a good thing. In fact, when you had posted earlier about waiting until after the holidays, I almost wanted to urge you to move out ASAP instead. The sooner you move out, the better. There is no sense in dragging out the inevitable - it's just more painful for everyone.
The good news is that, as Sophia Sage described so well, you will soon be free to blossom. And you will! Best wishes to you!
Like Sophia, I see my upcoming exodus into living alone as a rebirth - a chance to create my own environment to transition in...a place to live openly as Alyssa and not part-time as me and my Franken-boy creation. Granted, I have already emerged on the other side of the emotional aspects of my most recently failed relafionship, so I don't have to do both simultaneously...but perhaps focusing on 100% letting you be YOU in an environment completely controlled by you would be a great thing.
Best to you,
Alyssa
Hi Michelle,
I am sorry you are feeling down. You are dealing with a lot right now.
The reality is that the current situation is emotionally difficult for both of you.
Thanks, Sophia! Great post, and it's giving me ideas. Lots of ideas. (Dangerous, that!) ;)
Emily, you are absolutely right. I think I referred to my lingering through the holidays as being like Banquo's ghost, the departed looming over the feast to dampen everyone's spirits. Gone is gone! So, I'm definitely working on it.
Emily Alyssa, that Frankenstein-boy creation? Yeah, it's a funny phrase, but eerily accurate for the persona we construct out of bit and pieces, stitched together to give an imitation of life. I just hate it when it goes all "Bride of Frankenstein", grabs the Big Switch, and insists "We belong DEAD." Nope. Nope nope nopity nope.
I'm definitely taking control of my life.
And yes, Rachel, it is rough on both of us, and our 25 year old daughter, who gets to see us falling apart. There's no hostility, we are discussing things sanely and rationally, and hopefully we will remain friendly through and after this process of dismantling our combined lives.
I can hope. That's a good sign, I think.
Oh, and my top choice condo is still available, and I'll be meeting with the realtor at 5 today to look at the place. I hope this goes well.
Thanks,
Michelle
Yes, my Franken-boy has served his questionable purpose and has to go lol! :) It seems as though you have a very good grasp on everything you are dealing with and I am betting you will come out on the other side stronger and more in control.
Sending you girl power vibrations through the ether,
Alyssa
I think it was the bank teller, in a coffee shop, armed with a fine leather boot.
*sorry, wrong game*
Michelle, be strong, be bold, be proud, be you.
Sno.
I am so sorry, Michelle. I haven't had that experience personally, because everyone in my life so far (except my father, but screw him) has been super supportive. My fiancee, though, just came out to me and the polyfamily this week. I've known her for over a decade, and I had suspected she was trans by a lot of little tells. My girlfriend Nameera, who had been involved with her previously, remembers a time around 2000 when Thorne broke down in tears, telling her that she hated being male, she hated having a penis, and she felt like a lesbian trapped in a man's body.
Nameera went to Thorne's wife of the time, Cat, and told her about this. Cat freaked out, accused Nameera of lying, insisted that Thorne was "all man", and that if she was wrong and Thorne decided to transition, Cat would divorce her, take the children, and Thorne would never see them again. As they were living in the Deep South, Cat probably could have done just that.
So Thorne coming out was a big deal, and our polyfamily and close circle of trusted friends have been nothing but accepting of her. We love her, and we love that she now feels she can be open about who she is, even if she's scared. I hate what was done to her by her ex-wife and family of origin, and I hate what your wife is doing to you.
I wish that this wasn't happening to you. I'm glad that you're able to roll with the punches, make plans, and that you're staying true to yourself in spite of all this. I hope that you will be able to share custody and still have time with your daughter, and that she will be supportive of you through your transition. I wish for all the good things for you, and you have my total support.
*hugs and cookies offered*
Ooooh! Cookies! Accepted! :)
Thank you, Vervain. It sounds like you and your family are providing an accepting and safe environment for Thorne, and I think that is truly a wonderful act on the part of all of you.
I'm handling this OK. I know that in the past I have had some wonderful days just being myself, and soon those days will be my every days. That thought helps me focus on moving forward, and avoiding a crash into depression.
I just got some wonderful news. I've been offered a one year lease on my first choice condo. [emoji4]. That helps. Oh and I've got therapy in 30 minutes and a pumpkin spice latte to finish now. I has a happy. [emoji8]
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Best wishes Michelle. I have been isolated from my family to some degree, and since my divorce I have been living alone. But, I'm not lonely. I'm actually happy. I have my own place and I'm free to explore and express myself -- with new friends. :) The family stuff I'm still working on, but I feel free. :)
More updatey stuff...
At my therapist session, I started my Official Full Time Real Life Test Experience Clock. Or whatever that one year gatekeepy thing is called. I think my therapist was happy with how I'm processing my recent life events. I am. (8 months ago I would have been wallowing in depression. Now, I know things can and will get better. Hope is a wonderful antidepressant. Plus I'm keeping too damn busy to dive down that block hole.)
Anyway, she then told me that I'd be able to get my letters in the spring for SRS, which would be in early 2018. So, I now have a timeline, however nebulous, to follow.
This has me in a good mood. I see a way forward.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1249.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fhh504%2FMichelle_Paquet%2FOct%252018%25202016_zpszvfwsq5b.jpg&hash=0f819f35303997433afe34c4aeba41167376f3c2)
In other news, I mentioned that the endocrinologist wanted me on HRT of a year before she'd sign the docs to get my gender marker changed on my birth certificate, passport, and drivers license. The therapist said that starting HRT was sufficient in this state, and that I should submit the documents. If there's any pushback she'll get a doc at the transgender specialty program to sign off for me! So, I might officially be Michelle in a few months!
Now I just have to go shopping for apartment furniture. Hello, IKEA... Oh, and there's this really big closet off the bedroom that looks ever so empty...
I'm gonna need a budget.
This is an opportunity to do it up super-girly with pink upholstery, fluffy pillows, and hearts and flowers and butterflies everywhere. I know when I started transitioning, I went out and acquired a bunch of soft plushie material for my bed, girl clothing and accessories for my cute-girl wardrobe, and a ton of plushies to keep me company. I also set up my My Little Pony merchandise around the room, among other minor things. My room is now a girl-space, albeit a messy one, and I love being able to bask in that when I need to get away from the daily dysphoria.
Indulge yourself in your home life! It really helps to have that super-girly space to come home to when you're feeling down. :3
Hey, Michelle, congratulations on going full-time! And I love the new photo!
Yeah, you're starting to pass pretty well too. I feel like hormones will do wonders on you...
Wow! You gals are great. And way too kind! But thanks, anyway!
I really do have my own style I intend to put on the apartment, but like my wardrobe, it's not really 'girly'. Think more like a 60's Mod style with very clean lines, bold patterns, and solid colors. Remember Mrs Emma Peel in the old British series "The Avengers"? Like that. [emoji16]
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So right now I've just signed the lease, have the keys for my bachelorette pad, and am running amuck in Ikea furnishing the place. All chrome and glass and white, with a funky deep blue sofa. When I finish my coffee, I'll go forth and accessorize. Bright bold colors, over sized geometric patterns. Nothing like what I had in my old place.
I also have a special box packed for my last trip from the old place. It has the last of the sad old mans clothes, and I'll be dropping that off at Goodwill on the way home.
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Quote from: Michelle_P on October 20, 2016, 03:52:23 PM
So right now I've just signed the lease, have the keys for my bachelorette pad, and am running amuck in Ikea furnishing the place. All chrome and glass and white, with a funky deep blue sofa. When I finish my coffee, I'll go forth and accessorize. Bright bold colors, over sized geometric patterns. Nothing like what I had in my old place.
I also have a special box packed for my last trip from the old place. It has the last of the sad old mans clothes, and I'll be dropping that off at Goodwill on the way home.
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Walking on Sunshine blaring away in the background
:eusa_dance: :icon_bumdance-nerd: :icon_chick: :icon_geekdance: :icon_dance:
It must be party time for you.....
Enjoy
Liz
Hi Michelle,
I am a little late to the party here, posting on your thread, but I have a few comments. You are being very strong in dealing with the adversity of the recent past. It can't be easy to move on as you are doing. You are inspirational. Thanks for sharing your story. Oh, I like your new picture. You are looking awesome. Keep on keepin on!
Moni
Hello Michelle,
Such a story! My heart goes out to you in the loss of your marriage but I am also so impressed by the strength and resolve that you are showing in how you are coming out of it. Just half of your story would crush me. You are choosing to not fall into the black hole but rather, be born anew! Thank you for the awesome example that you are sharing. Go girl! And remember, we are there for you, just ask.
Anne
Quote from: ElizabethK on October 20, 2016, 04:07:09 PM
Walking on Sunshine blaring away in the background
:eusa_dance: :icon_bumdance-nerd: :icon_chick: :icon_geekdance: :icon_dance:
It must be party time for you.....
Enjoy
Liz
Um, not exactly.
I have inertia. I can be hard to get moving (Right, Cindy?), but once in motion I'm hard to stop.
Right now I'm in motion, but there's a sort of grimdark thing going on. Anyone remember "The Prisoner"? (OK, I have a thing for 60's Brit-TV.). The opening titles? Yeah, that's me. Very determined, but who knows where I'll wake up the next morning.
https://youtu.be/9AL7npkSXZE (https://youtu.be/9AL7npkSXZE)
I imagine I'll feel more upbeat in time. Maybe the November meetup of Diablo Valley Girls. >:-)
Ok so will skip the dancing ;D...hope you are feeling better about things soon and they start turning around for you...
Hugs
Liz
Quote from: Anne Blake on October 20, 2016, 07:26:41 PM
Hello Michelle,
Such a story! My heart goes out to you in the loss of your marriage but I am also so impressed by the strength and resolve that you are showing in how you are coming out of it. Just half of your story would crush me. You are choosing to not fall into the black hole but rather, be born anew! Thank you for the awesome example that you are sharing. Go girl! And remember, we are there for you, just ask.
Anne
I agree. From the first time I posted here I found inspiration from Michelle. Just the fact she posts RL photos .. I'm not there yet. I'm close, but, since my divorce I really don't know how I would take any negative comments. So, I'm just continuing to trans quietly behind the scenes, and hope my first pic here will be a positive experience for me.
Today was a busy one. Availability of a larger vehicle (anything is larger than a Miata) to haul stuff, and HOA rules against weekend move-ins left me to stuff boxes and haul a** to move as much as I could today. I think I moved about 40 boxes via Prius, luggage cart/hand truck, through doors and elevators and hallways and traffic jams (CalTrans, no relation, decided to rip up the interstate all day).
That still left a huge pile of junk here that the spouse wanted gone ASAP. Good thing there's a scrap metal and e-waste hauler visiting the neighborhood in the morning. Early morning. Dawn. So, I'm already dead on my feet, and I just spent an hour in the dark hauling all the old wire scrap, dead equipment not going to the apartment, and assorted junk, maybe 300-400 pounds, to the end of the driveway. I'm a drab, tired, sweaty mess.
I told you I'd be too busy to be depressed. So, up next on today's activity list is to stuff a membership application in an envelope for the Diablo Valley Girls. Then, before the deadline next week, get in a reservation for the Fall Dinner. Oh, and I'm gonna need some formalware. Or maybe I'll try to get by with a nice top and skirt.
Hmmmm..... That HOA concierge is gonna wonder where the new tenant in the apartment came from and what happened to me. I might have some fun with this...
Thanks, Anne. I'm too damn stubborn to give in. A Michelle in motion tends to remain in motion...
Sinclair, I post the photos partly for myself, to get an idea of what others see changing as I'm too close to... um... me. I also wanted to share how I'm changing on the particular path I am taking my transition along, to help others the way I've been helped by so many on this site.
(And a little tip in the jar at the bottom of the page doesn't hurt, either. Lets keep this place live!)
Wonderful to hear the progress!
And yes keep positive, keep the drive and never let anyone or anything get in your way.
Lots of Hugs Hon!!!
Thanks, Cindy! I just needed a push. Now I'm a regular steamroller, pretty darn hard to stop.
I sent an e-mail letter out to a few officers in the local radio club I am involved with a few hours ago. (I'm another officer there). This club works with local emergency services to provide backup communications and training for Community Emergency Responder Teams. They were surprisingly accepting. We will figure out how to best handle my new appearance before I chair the next general meeting. (Surprise! [emoji28][emoji33])
Life continues to be interesting. Beats the heck out of the alternative, anyway.
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Michelle, your openness, honesty, and above all, determination in the face of adversity is so very inspiring. Best wishes to you on your new journey! :)
Thanks, Emily! I'm pushing through it. This weekend is a bummer to live through, but I will, and life will be better soon.
I've worked out with the radio club how to handle my transition. I won't be at the November meeting, and under New Business a short statement will be read concerning what's up with the President of the club. I'm writing that, cribbing heavily from some of the best 'coming out' announcements I've seen here. (Thanks, everyone! I'm standing on the backs of giants to pull this off.) This way I won't derail the meeting into an "All About MEEEE!" session.
The next meeting, in December, is actually a social event, a dinner party at a local, one of a kind hotel. That's where I will first appear for them. Since it is a social event, I can mix, mingle, answer questions, and correct misgendering in an environment where folks are free to come and go. I think that will work out for the best.
I also work with another organization as a volunteer instructor. I just got an e-mail from the head instructor asking us to come to a planning meeting in a few weeks. I sent him the same "coming out" letter I used with the radio club. I haven't heard back yet.
Oh, they had originally asked for a new instructor photo. That's where the avatar came from. I thought for a little while of just sending them that, no comments, but eventually my rational mind overcame my internal mischief maker. I'll still send the photo if they ask again. >:-)
I constructed that letter around the medical treatment, promoting the idea that this is fundamentally a medical issue, a course of treatment worked out by my medical team and offered to me as a potential long term treatment. That's all accurate, by the way. I pretty squarely land in the "transition or die" subset of the community. I deliberately avoided anything that makes this sound like a lifestyle choice or similar nonsense that I see with certain parts of the media when covering us.
Wow...you just keep pushing through regardless don't you. :) Good on you, I am sure it will work out for you...good things happen to good people...it must be your turn to start having some things fall your way...great outcome with the Radio Club..do you anticipate the same happening with the instructor job? Hope so...
Keep updating us I have been trying to follow along with your posts as I thoroughly enjoy reading them.
Take care
Liz
I've heard back from some other folks, all supportive. Nothing from the volunteer instructor program yet, though.
Saying goodbye to my 25 year old youngest daughter was heartbreaking though. We sat and talked for three hours, til my wife came by with one more question about the bank accounts, and to tell me it was time to leave.
There's a little hope there. She was asking about what I was wearing as myself, probably picturing a dude in a dress. Nah, mostly jeans and dark pants. Nearest thing to a dress is that tunic top worn with pants or tights and boots. [emoji16]. She actually asked me if I thought I looked pretty! Oog... uh, no. Trying to look passable for safety's sake is my goal. At least she has some curiosity about this.
This may be the worst weekend of my life. This really hurts. The good news is that it's going to get better. It certainly can't get much worse!
Well, I've got two hours of electrolysis in the morning...[emoji849] At least there is some social interaction and human contact. Ridiculous, I know, but that helps.
Knowing what was happening my therapist made sure I had the crisis hotline number on hand as she would be unreachable at times the next few days. I've got it, but so far I don't think I need it. I just need to make it to the morning. (Which is why I'm here. )
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Quote from: Michelle_P on October 23, 2016, 11:23:11 PMWell, I've got two hours of electrolysis in the morning...[emoji849] At least there is some social interaction and human contact. Ridiculous, I know, but that helps.
Not ridiculous at all! There were days when my electrologist was better than any therapist.
You can do this!
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 23, 2016, 11:23:11 PM
I've heard back from some other folks, all supportive. Nothing from the volunteer instructor program yet, though.
Saying goodbye to my 25 year old youngest daughter was heartbreaking though. We sat and talked for three hours, til my wife came by with one more question about the bank accounts, and to tell me it was time to leave.
There's a little hope there. She was asking about what I was wearing as myself, probably picturing a dude in a dress. Nah, mostly jeans and dark pants. Nearest thing to a dress is that tunic top worn with pants or tights and boots. [emoji16]. She actually asked me if I thought I looked pretty! Oog... uh, no. Trying to look passable for safety's sake is my goal. At least she has some curiosity about this.
This may be the worst weekend of my life. This really hurts. The good news is that it's going to get better. It certainly can't get much worse!
Well, I've got two hours of electrolysis in the morning...[emoji849] At least there is some social interaction and human contact. Ridiculous, I know, but that helps.
Knowing what was happening my therapist made sure I had the crisis hotline number on hand as she would be unreachable at times the next few days. I've got it, but so far I don't think I need it. I just need to make it to the morning. (Which is why I'm here. )
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I'm really sorry that you're going through all of this. The fact that your daughter is expressing even some interest, however, is a good sign that some of the wrinkles could be ironed out in the future. This will sound inadvertently awful, but the more 'normalized' the process becomes to the average person, the easier it is for them to move past the initial lashing out and onto the acceptance phase.
This is hard but you're actually living in a world where most are merely existing.
Also, you're looking great (and honestly you seem cool as he**). I float around the forums here and there and I've seen your profile pictures change several times; you're becoming more and more feminine and soft with each change. Keep pushing. You got this.
Thanks, Stone. Yes, I'm hoping her curiosity will lead to acceptance. Well, that and a visit to see me puts her two blocks from her fave Italian joint,Forever 21, and Anthropologie. Powerful draws for a 25 year old...
Their reaction is essentially just the cultural transphobia writ large and with my daughter I'm desensitizing her. That takes time though.
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Quote from: Michelle_P on October 24, 2016, 01:35:41 AM
Thanks, Stone. Yes, I'm hoping her curiosity will lead to acceptance. Well, that and a visit to see me puts her two blocks from her fave Italian joint,Forever 21, and Anthropologie. Powerful draws for a 25 year old...
Their reaction is essentially just the cultural transphobia writ large and with my daughter I'm desensitizing her. That takes time though.
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Hi Michelle
Sounds like a tough time all round
I have a 25 year old daughter and I am not quite all the way there with her yet. She is steadily making progress to the point where she wanted to see my makeover pics...so that is definite progress. I am sure mine will be fine...Sounds to me like your Daughter is already starting to ask the right questions...I really hope it works out for you and her
Hugs
Liz
Good to hear your daughter is asking questions. I'm sure she's just scared and confused right now and is going to want to see you again soon. That being said, I'm also glad I don't have a family to have to go through this sort of thing with...
Edit: keep in mind that I'm 25 and, while there's still anger and I don't actively communicate with my father, I still talk to him, despite having PTSD from his inexcusable behavior... I don't see why someone from gen Y, which is an exceptionally tolerant generation, would have much of a problem with this... do you have her number? Maybe you should text her and tell her you're always there if she wants to talk or anything...
I'm finally home and ready for bed. What a day...
I started off with my weekly 'commute' to see my electrolysis person for a two hour visit. Socializing and zappage occurred. Then, back home, clean up a bit, and off to the concierge to pay the move-in fee. They'll pad the elevator and whatnot for my furniture delivery in the morning. Then off to the bank, to fix up some issues with a new checking account. All better now. To the drugstore, for some odds and ends, then a late lunch at Panera, for my fave spicy salad and a tea, then to another shop to get shelf liner for the kitchen. All this was just walking from the apartment, by the way. Nice location. Finally off to a big box store for more kitchen stuff. I had to drive. I'm not walking across town with a stepstool, A/C filter, and a toaster under my arms.
Then back to the apartment. A huge parcel was waiting for me from the cable company, along with bank mail delivering my checking card. The huge box held a smaller box, which in turn held a very small set-top box. Good grief.
I got the Cable TV and internet running, only took two activations attempts! Then I got dinner, loaded a huge number of old everyday dishes that had been in storage into the dishwasher ("Desert Rose" Franciscan dinnerware, 8-12 place settings depending on the piece, wonderful old stuff. Thanks, Mom!), and started lining shelves.
The radio group has a regular Monday night net, so I put a directional antenna on a portable stand, aimed it at the old town, and participated.
I spent some time texting with my daughter. She's pretty down, not surprising, but will be seeing her therapist tomorrow. My wife spent the day with friends, so she had some support.
Now it's midnight, and i'm tired. Maybe I'll sleep tonight.
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 25, 2016, 01:47:55 AMI spent some time texting with my daughter.
Keep doing that. Just let her know that you're still there for her whenever she wants you. I wish my father would do that, but he only cares when it's convenient to him. I think the simple idea that you take comfort in loving her would be good for her to know too.
Ahhh! Another long day, but now i'm in my brand new bed, fresh new and washed sheets, all mine. This feels nice somehow. New.
I finished lining the shelves after breakfast, then washed and put away some of the bigger pieces of Mom's old dinnerware while waiting for the furniture. I put away all the remaining kitchen stuff, in fact, and much of the rest of the apartment other than what needed the not-yet-delivered furniture.
Well, maybe if I make lunch they'll show up. That worked. Halfway through a sandwich they arrived. Practical magic at its finest...
They brought almost everything I ordered, only misplacing the couch and the chair legs. Yes, just the legs. Oh, and they brought an extra bedframe in queen size, along with the full size I had ordered. :facepalm: I noted all that on their paperwork. We'll see if IKEA bothers to do anything. I'll probably call them tomorrow. It's been days since I had a good rant.
One of the delivery guys kept calling me Sir, and the other called me Ma'am. They had a pretty funny discussion in Spanish about which one was right. (Not a great secret language, guys. Some of us speak or understand it pretty well.) If they had managed to bring everything I had a big tip ready for the worker that called me Ma'am, but after I inventoried things? No chair LEGS? Oh, come on...
I gave priority to getting the bed assembled. That went well. The slats needed to be assembled, too, which I didn't expect. So, I got that done and popped on the mattress, also new, then made the bed. You know what they say; "You made your bed, now lie in it." M'kay...
So here I lie. I pinged a few texts with my daughter, and got a wonderful e-mail from my sister-in-law, to do a day-after-Thanksgiving dinner with me, my children, and my mother-in-law. Wow! That one had me crying.
I finally got the last boxes unpacked and everything put away. The place looks empty! I clearly need more stuff...
https://youtu.be/MvgN5gCuLac
I also got an amazing e-mail from my mother-in-law, stating:
QuoteFirst of all I want you to know that I accept you unconditionally. Second, I understand your difficulty expressing yourself when you are attempting to verbalize emotional feelings, especially when the emotions are intense. Once these emotions become understood and organized a new vocabulary emerges and it will be easier to readily express emotions. Meanwhile I again salute you for having taken this difficult step in your life and I hope the change will bring with it a happier future.
Wow! That just got me crying again. Acceptance is something we so badly need, from something as simple yet personal as accepting ourselves, to knowing that we are not rejected by others.
Now, I had also come out to that radio club, which I heard back from, and the instructional team. The club issues look to be resolving to something reasonable. The instructional team leader finally had a response for me:
Quote
Thank you for your openness in sharing your health challenges in your email as it must have been difficult to write.
I pray that GOD will provide guidance and wisdom to the Kaiser team of specialists as they offer their advice and care. I also pray that GOD will provide His guidance and wisdom to you for decisions that you will be making in the days to come. I pray that GOD's will be done for you and your family, at this time.
Uh oh. I've got a bad feeling about this...
The path I'm taking in transition does seem to have some boulders strewn about it.
Tomorrow gets really interesting. I have a few errands to run, then I'm going over to my wife's house to fix a few things, and then we both go to meet the lawyer for the first mediation session. I've got the FL-142 Asset and Debit list completed along with all the needed attachments. I didn't want to fiddle around the whole first session learning what I would have to bring to the second session. I just hope this isn't seen as my being eager to end things. I just hate wasting time.
After the mediation session, I'm back to my place, and will change to go out to dinner with what I hope will be some new friends.
So, that was my first week of the Real Life Test.
May future weeks be happier.
- Michelle
Michelle, did the letter from your instructional team leader actually capitalize all the letters in God like that? Who writes like that? Not even the venerable King James translation puts all the letters in capital like that. Sheesh.
Twice he wrote "guidance and wisdom". And of course he had to write about God's will, didn't he? Noticeably absent in his letter was any mention of God's love, which was the entire reason why he sent Jesus Christ down to earth! You know, the basis of the Christian faith...
Ugh. I am a Christian, have been all my life, and when I see other "Christians" spew that kind of generic, from-the-pulpit dogmatic crap, it really makes me mad. >:(
At least your mother-in-law is handling it well. Which is maybe surprising since your wife isn't?
Thanks, Emily. Yes, the quoted letters are exact cut-n-pastes from the e-mails I received. I thought the capitalization was odd, along with the tone of the letter. There's a definite hair shirt, fire and brimstone feel to that writing style. I suspect he's a cafeteria Christian, picking and choosing the bits of his faith to reinforce his own personal ideology. Lots of those out there, unfortunately.
My mother-in-law has always been a source of surprises for me. She's a really neat person, very thoughtful and open. My father-in-law was similar, but tended to express annoyance when someone disagreed with him. (I often did, just to give him something to argue about, as he had a really good debate style when challenged, always thoughtful.) In some ways my wife had rebelled against their openness with the way she conducts her life.
Today will be an odd one, presenting more or less androgynous, picking over the bones of my old life with the spouse and a lawyer, then flipping back to me for dinner with what I hope will be new friends. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."
Well, I made it. "It WAS the best of times, it was the worst of times."
The divorce mediation meeting went as I thought it would. Intros, "Are you sure?", here's the process. And it's all about the finances, about which my dear spouse was almost willfully ignorant. I asked the lawyer questions for her, and explained that I wanted her to get as much help as possible in understanding the financial ramifications of her choices. I fear she will make some very bad ones.
So, it was rough. I was emotionally spent afterwards, and just sat in the car crying for a while before I came home.
Once home I got properly dressed and got my hair back on, and immediately began to feel better. I picked up the mail, and found a little goodie I had ordered last week, a new training corset. (Yeah. Ouch! Like I don't have enough pain...). Yes, I'm still trying to get that magic waist ratio to help me read as female. By hook or by crook...
Anyway, I spiffed myself up as best as I could, and headed out to the support group dinner. That was a whole other experience. I think I spotted at least one other Susan's Place member there, and I deliberately dressed matching my avatar just in case someone wanted to say "Hi!" No bites, but that's OK. The group was amazing, a little of everything there, in pretty much the statistical distribution of the transgender population at large. I had some great conversations with several transitioning and postop folks, and a couple others who appeared to be recreational types, some with their spouses. Interesting crowd, and fun company. There are almost weekly events coming up, and I think I'll be attending.
The dinner and some upcoming events are actually within walking distance of my bachelorette pad, which is neat. I did get rained on coming home, but it's OK. I'm certified drip-dry. ;)
I'm sorry about your relationship with your wife. That is so rough. Getting that note from your mother in law must have been such a wonderful surprise given your situation with your spouse.
Best wishes with your new place.
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 01, 2016, 01:24:20 AMAnyway, I spiffed myself up as best as I could, and headed out to the support group dinner. That was a whole other experience. I think I spotted at least one other Susan's Place member there, and I deliberately dressed matching my avatar just in case someone wanted to say "Hi!" No bites, but that's OK. The group was amazing, a little of everything there, in pretty much the statistical distribution of the transgender population at large. I had some great conversations with several transitioning and postop folks, and a couple others who appeared to be recreational types, some with their spouses. Interesting crowd, and fun company. There are almost weekly events coming up, and I think I'll be attending.
I swear, my local support group back in the day was my lifeline. They kept me alive as I went through this. And part of that, I'm sure, is that I got the opportunity to not be so focused on myself? I mean, every week there was usually someone in more dire emotional straits than I was, and so I could be the one giving compassion and support, which was frankly a relief. Not that I wasn't in need of it myself, mind you.
From this group I made some friends. Some who came over regularly, my day-to-day social life. One woman took off like a rocket, the sort of woman who gets asked, "Did you used to be a model?" Used to, because she was in her late thirties.
I eventually lost touch with all of them, such is the way of life especially when you're on the move. But I learned so much from them, and not just about the hows and wherefores of transition, but about myself.
Michelle, thank you so much for doing this thread. I know that in the near future, 6 months to a year, I will probably be going through much the same thing as after coming out to my wife and two 30 something kids received an unpleasant response. Right now my wife is OK with me dressing and going out but does not want to see me dressed. We do the texting before returning thing too. The same with my daughter who lives with us. I started HRT 3 months ago and my breasts started budding 3 weeks ago. I have not told my wife or children about the breast budding but they do know that I am on a low HRT regimen. My wife is set to retire at the end of March and I am hoping to wait until after then to start being more insistent that I am going to fully transition. We will be married 40 years in December. I wish I could keep the family together but it doesn't look promising. Trying to get my wife to go to counseling.
Anyway, your story gives me some peace in knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel, either way things end up.
Keep on letting us know how you are doing and I hope things get better and better for you. Your picture looks great by the way!
Quote from: Stacitg1 on November 01, 2016, 01:55:18 PM
Michelle, thank you so much for doing this thread. I know that in the near future, 6 months to a year, I will probably be going through much the same thing as after coming out to my wife and two 30 something kids received an unpleasant response. Right now my wife is OK with me dressing and going out but does not want to see me dressed. We do the texting before returning thing too. The same with my daughter who lives with us. I started HRT 3 months ago and my breasts started budding 3 weeks ago. I have not told my wife or children about the breast budding but they do know that I am on a low HRT regimen. My wife is set to retire at the end of March and I am hoping to wait until after then to start being more insistent that I am going to fully transition. We will be married 40 years in December. I wish I could keep the family together but it doesn't look promising. Trying to get my wife to go to counseling.
Anyway, your story gives me some peace in knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel, either way things end up.
Keep on letting us know how you are doing and I hope things get better and better for you. Your picture looks great by the way!
Hi Stacitg1
It makes life all the more difficult for you when you have a spouse and family in the "closet" I am married 30 years and we are still together despite me going through a full social and Medical transition. I really thought I would be doing this alone and I was prepared to if I had too. Lucky for me my family is my rock...it took time and patience. My daughter were freaked out to start off but have come round really quickly once they saw all the positive changes in me. Now they would not have it any other way...I know they would sooner have Liz than the depressed, withdrawn, angry man that was me prior to transition.
There is hope that your wife will be OK in the end. I found my Kids had far less hassles accepting it that my friends did, most of whom have been great. Time is your best friend in this situation and I hope it works out for you.
Liz
Quote from: ElizabethK on November 01, 2016, 03:38:32 PM
Hi Stacitg1
It makes life all the more difficult for you when you have a spouse and family in the "closet" I am married 30 years and we are still together despite me going through a full social and Medical transition. I really thought I would be doing this alone and I was prepared to if I had too. Lucky for me my family is my rock...it took time and patience. My daughter were freaked out to start off but have come round really quickly once they saw all the positive changes in me. Now they would not have it any other way...I know they would sooner have Liz than the depressed, withdrawn, angry man that was me prior to transition.
There is hope that your wife will be OK in the end. I found my Kids had far less hassles accepting it that my friends did, most of whom have been great. Time is your best friend in this situation and I hope it works out for you.
Liz
Thanks Liz! I have not given up hope and my therapist also says that often family eventually come around. Mine have a very tough religious hurdle to overcome but I keep praying.
Hi Michelle,
Your mother in law rocks!
I am sorry you and your wife are in emotional pain.
I did the mediation route and am now refinancing the house and getting qualified domestic relations orders (qdro) for my pension and 403B. We are waiting for the final decree to be officially divorced. It gets better when you realize it is over and you have something to look forward to, being you.
It looks like the radio club person is judging you. That is a very big seat to fill. I am not religious and often hear people picking and choosing what to follow as it suites their beliefs. It may become and issue or it may not, time will tell.
Oh, thank you, everyone! This is a rocky path we all follow, that's for sure. It may look smooth at a distance, but up close... not so much.
I've been working on a note to be read at the November radio club meeting, which usually has 25-30 people present, to let the membership at large know what happened to their club president, who normally runs the meeting. Our vice president, Michelle (NOT ME!) will likely be running the meeting, and either she or one of the officers will read this little statement as part of the meeting. I've tried to keep it as terse as possible, while letting folks know that this is a serious medical decision, not a lark or a 'lifestyle choice'.
Quote
Mike has been dealing with a medical problem, something that has been there since birth but which has steadily gotten worse. Mike has already received some treatment for this problem, which has temporarily improved things.
The medical team supervising Mike's treatment has determined that additional treatments are appropriate and medically necessary, and Mike has decided to proceed with these treatments in the interest of sanity and health.
These treatments will significantly alter Mike's appearance. Mike is a transgender person, and at this point is considered to be medically female. She is now required to live as openly female as part of treatment going forward. She's not at this months meeting in order to avoid derailing the meeting.
She does ask that you take time to think about this, remembering that she is the same person you know, just with different appearance. Deciding to proceed with this treatment has been extremely difficult for her, and comes after months of prayer and discussions, both personal and professional.
She does plan on attending the club's Christmas party, and will be happy to talk one-on-one with anyone who has questions or comments for her at that time.
I don't want this to take up more than a couple minutes of the club meeting time, and just give the bare minimum of information:
1) This is medical treatment
2) I'm transgender
3) I'm medically female
4) I'm living openly as female
5) Save any questions you have for next month
Any improvements I can make on this, without derailing the meeting or taking up more time?
Hmm I would only be absent from that meeting if you expect not to be accepted. As you clearly plan to continue with the organization, carrying your own water seems the better course to me.
You haven't mentioned which pronouns you want the members to use, that's the only other omission that stands out for me.
Waiting two paragraphs to give the actual news seems the wrong order. Also casting transition as a problem feels off to me, I'd choose to say this is what I am and have been and the solutions are medically necessary and supervised / assisted by your health care team.
Noting that I work for a completely different kind of organization -- very open and liberal minded university -- the environment obviated any need for others to introduce the new reality. While I knew that my particular director and work team included a combination of clueless and hostile, acceptance is required by the organization and so I handled it by letting hr know, then my boss and then announcing to the team. It took all of 4 minutes and there was only one question and from the couple of women there, congratulations.
My purpose was to mark officially that I'd begun RLE, addressed pronouns (I'm not changing name anytime soon) and I cast it as simply letting people know so that there was context for understanding the changes in appearance.
That's my $0.02, best wishes for all of the balls you're juggling right now!
Based on some suggestions I've gotten I'm going to rework the whole thing, probably as a personal letter to be read.
The audience for this are older, almost entirely male nerds, mid 50s to 80s, mostly Fox News listeners. They tend to respond to things that sound like a technical issue. Alas, the word 'transgender' is a sort of trigger word. Once they hear that I expect them to stop listening for 30 seconds or so while they process. That's why I want to 'warm up' by engaging them with a 'medical problem'. Without this they'll hear 'transgender' and think 'lifestyle choice' as they've been preprogrammed to do.
I'll post whatever I come up with.
I won't be present at the initial meeting as I am now full time, and I'd essentially have to come out to the members one by one as they arrive, with interruption, new arrivals, and such only getting part of the message. I'd derail what is supposed to be a business and planning meeting into one that's all about ME!
I want to just let them know, then let them meet me one on one at a social event in December, where I won't be impacting the business session.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Hi Michelle
I struggled with the same thing trying to compose what was essentially a multi-audience letter. In the end I used the words Transgender and Transsexual in the letter for clarity. I also talked about various medical treatments under the supervision of my medical Team. I told them I was transitioning and what that meant and in the last paragraph I addressed the Myth of choice and lifestyle. You know your audience and I understand your thinking about not hitting them too early with trigger words.
Liz
With feedback from everyone, and much of this written by one of you in particular (*Hugs*), and additional feedback from my gender therapist, here is what I have now:
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I've been dealing with a medical problem for decades that needs to be addressed. The causes are complicated, but the medical solution is well understood. It has already had a significant impact on me that I wanted to share with everyone, by re-introducing myself.
Hi, my name is Michelle, your club president. I am transgender and medically transitioning with the support of my physician, therapist, and endocrinologist, along with a team of specialists at Kaiser. This has been an extremely difficult process both professionally and personally, and I ask for your patience and understanding. Please understand this is not about "lifestyle" or a "choice", but about my survival. I would be more than happy to answer any questions you may have about my transition, about my being transgender, or just to talk! Please feel free to contact me, and we can chat and get to know each other all over again!
This will be read to the members, and copies of the APA handout "Answers to your questions ABOUT TRANSGENDER PEOPLE, GENDER IDENTITY, AND GENDER EXPRESSION" will be made available.
http://www.apa.org/topics/lgbt/transgender.pdf
Honestly, you should try and send it out a day or so in advance, maybe come out to a few people. You'll be better off if people have time to adjust and don't feel like it's being pushed on them with short notice.
Hi, Princess!
That's actually how this will work. Our active members who read their mail will see this a few days in advance, when I send out the meeting agenda. Members at the meeting who don't get or read mail will hear it first at the meeting. Note that I won't be st this meeting, so my sudden appearance won't derail the business meeting. Members who don't go to the meeting or read their mail but do go to the holiday party won't know who I am anyway. (Yes, there are actually people in each of these categories! It is an odd bunch.)
There will be over a month between when this information is put out and when the membership first sees me.
I'll do the actual introduction of ME to the membership at the holiday party, a social event where people are free to come and go and I can mingle with the folks who have questions or otherwise have something to say to me about this.
Quote from: PrincessCrystal on November 02, 2016, 11:52:55 PM
Honestly, you should try and send it out a day or so in advance, maybe come out to a few people. You'll be better off if people have time to adjust and don't feel like it's being pushed on them with short notice.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I had a nice conversation with my youngest, 25 year old daughter today. Facetime... with me as myself. ;D
Now, she hasn't want to see me as myself since I came out to her. At the same time, she misses me. We have been texting back and forth, but yesterday I got kicked with the "lifestyle choice" charge. Mom's handiwork, I suspect. She wanted me to cross-dress male and pay her a visit, but I'm full time now, don't have that stuff (although I could fake it from my wardrobe, I think), and am not inclined to do that to please someone else, even my daughter.
That's when I got kicked with the lifestyle choice/it's not really medical stuff. That ended conversation yesterday.
Today she texted again, saying she wants to see me but isn't ready to see ME. I tried to explain how all of this, the dressing, voice work and such, are part of the treatment package, much as breast cancer treatment isn't just the mastectomy, but the rehab, prosthetics, and reconstruction, all needed to help the patient be fully functional.
My medicines and therapy are a good short term fix, I explained, but in the longer term one of the medicines will take out my kidneys or liver, so something else would need to be done. I explained that a minimal medical long term fix would involve removing the testicles, and maintaining estrogen dosage, resulting in my being a bald eunuch with boobs. Not a pretty picture that I painted. I'd be giving up on ever fulfilling that desire in my mind and crying out from my deep brain structure to have a feminine appearance, and that is something my therapist and I both agree would be giving up hope, and dropping me into a deep depression. Also not pretty.
She was quiet for a while, then texted me about possibly seeing me via Facetime, not in person, to sort of get used to the idea. Brilliant kid! I suggested that I could do that easily, and leave the hair in the other room even, or perhaps just show it to her off of me. ( Smaller steps for easier desensitization...)
So, we had a nice Facetime chat. I showed her the little apartment, and just sat there and yanked with her. When I showed her the apartment I gave her a peek in the bedroom, with stuff like my mirror, scarves, purse and wigs all out. We chatted, then mentioned some wardrobe things, and I complemented her on her hair. Hey, want to see my hair?
I showed her the wigs. She asked which was my favorite, and why. She was surprised that they were fairly short, what she called 'skater hair'. I offered to show her how they fit, so she watched while I popped on a wig cap and my current favorite, the ginger blonde in the current avatar. We just kept talking while I sat there with the wig on.
She asked if I had makeup. Over to the vanity, popped it open, showed her the collection. She went to her room and started showing me all her favorites. Long discussion of eyeliner pencils vid smudge sticks...
It was maybe 15 minutes into this that she started running down a bit, much to process in mind, and I eased her down. I was surprised that she had done so well at all this exposure; Daddy's wigs, makeup, styling suggestions, clothing sizes and favorite places to shop, and so forth.
She handled it pretty well.
I mentioned a movie that had just come out starring her current crush, Benedict Cumberbatch, and one of her favorite pizza places that had a new outpost two blocks away. Maybe you'd like to drop by and we could catch the movie and a bite? So, she'll think about it.
I don't think it could have gone any better. Daddy Michelle is happy.
That was a brilliant outcome, Michelle! So happy that your conversation took you in that direction. It was a huge step for your daughter and yourself. Hugs, Kelly
Michelle,
I know that what you are going through is really really tough and far from the picture that you had for you and your family's future. But, in spite of that, you sure are making a bad situation work. Your story of making headway with your youngest is a big bucket of joy that you are passing on to the rest of us. Thank you for sharing your progress and please keep the stories coming.
Anne
Michelle,
I decided that where ever I could I would ease my loved ones into seeing the new me. I was told by my sons later that that was important and appreciated. I have been very much accepted by them ,so I thought this was my way of respecting there feelings. I don't regret doing it that way. I did tell my oldest early on that I could dress as a guy if there was an occasion where he needed me to. I regret saying that as I would say it would be traumatic to do so now. I have gotten to a point where I just couldn't do it even as a Halloween costume or something.
Moni
Quote from: HappyMoni on November 04, 2016, 10:14:59 PMI did tell my oldest early on that I could dress as a guy if there was an occasion where he needed me to. I regret saying that as I would say it would be traumatic to do so now.
Wise words.
Make no promises during transition and you'll tell no lies. Everything changes, and it can't be predicted.
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 04, 2016, 06:56:25 PMI don't think it could have gone any better. Daddy Michelle is happy.
One of my dear friends got to the point in her transition where she couldn't accept that honorific anymore, because it created too much dysphoria. It is, after all, a highly gendered term. Her kids now refer to her as "our Susan" because they are still possessive.
It wasn't easy on anyone.
Michelle
That is great. You are making fantastic progress with her. I do understand how that feels as I have a 25 year old myself and she has recently come round and now wants to meet Liz. Sometimes it can be just about giving enough space to get the ball rolling. I am sure once your daughter has the real facts of the situation she will be fiercely supportive of you. If she has been given mis-information then she could have the wrong end of a number things in regards to being Trans. Lets hope you don't have to spent heaps of time getting the facts separated from the myths.
I am going to have my girls round for dinner/lunch maybe next weekend with their boyfriends to officially meet Liz so it should be interesting...I really can't imagine it will be a problem.
Hugs
Liz
I feel sorry for you Michelle, but keep positive! Your doing a great job.
I just got home from that dinner with my mother-in-law. Amazing. I may very well have the coolest mother-in-law of anyone on this board.
I got there, knocked on the door, and peeked in the side window, waving. She saw me, paused for a second, then smiled and opened the door. Didn't recognize me!
I got a big hug, then a short speech on being totally accepted and welcome, "Come in, Michelle, come in!" Weepage happened, and hugs.
Anyway, we had a great visit, and I helped her out on a few odds and ends. (Remember, I'm 62. She's... not actually 39 any more...) She had fixed a huge home-cooked dinner and dessert, a feast for this effective bachelorette. While we ate, she told me a story about her and her husband who passed away last year. It seems the good doctor was an activist and had run a free clinic in San Francisco during the 60's. One of his specialties happened to be human sexuality, and one of the folks he worked with at the clinic and the San Francisco Health Department's Center for Special Problems was another expert, an endocrinologist named Harry Benjamin. Yes, THAT Harry Benjamin. This was the summer of the Compton's Cafeteria Riot.
Well, damn. It seems that they were right in the middle of all this when modern treatment for transsexual patients was being developed. That counts for coolness points right there.
The total acceptance, name and pronoun use counts for serious bonus points.
Then, while we were having dessert, pumpkin gelato and pumpkin bars, OMG!, my sister-in-law calls her. "No, we're not busy. We just finished dinner." "Oh, Michelle is here. Did you want to talk to her?" Eeep! I get handed the phone. "Hello?" "Oh, Hi, Michelle..."
Wow. They're totally accepting me, and working to make me feel more comfortable. This is very much unexpected, and wonderful of them.
It made for quite an evening. Oh, and the compliments! "Love your hair, it's cute." "You make a cute girl." Yow. That could go to a girl's head.
We finished up the evening watching election returns. Probably not a good idea, as that triggered a bit of an anxiety attack. Another story for another time, though. This was a good evening with an amazing person.
Wow, Michelle, that is amazing! You absolutely do have the coolest mother-in-law. I am so happy for you that you have that support.
That is so awesome for you! ;D
Wow Michelle, the good stories just keep on coming! The tough times may be hard but days like your yesterday sure do put things in perspective. - Anne
Now that is the type of attitude you deserve to see Michelle. Awesome!
Moni
It's been a busy day. Slightly absurd, but busy.
First up, request letters for legal changes from the endocrinologist. Yup, the same one who turned me down a month ago, saying to try again in 10 months. I'm a little worried that having letters might not be all that useful in 10 months. So, I did a little creative writing. (Again? Oh, dear...)
Quote
I am writing to request a set of letters to provide physician certification...
...
The phrase "appropriate clinical treatment for gender transition" is meant to capture a range of treatments that may be appropriate, in each individual case, to facilitate gender transition. Clinical treatment methods are outlined in the World Professional Association for Transgender Health Standards of Care, and treatment can include psychotherapy, changes in gender expression and role, hormone therapy, or surgery, or any combination thereof. No specific treatment is required, and details of my treatment need not be provided.
Details about surgery, hormone treatment, or other treatments are unnecessary and not helpful. The letters need only state that I have had "appropriate clinical treatment for gender transition."
As shown in my medical record, I have had and continue to receive psychotherapy, as well as hormone therapy. I continue to live fully in a female role, with female gender expression, continuously, that is, as 'full time'. I chair business meetings, give public presentations, and conduct classes as a female, with female gender expression. I travel, or attempt to travel as a female, with fully female gender expression. I believe that I have had clinical treatment appropriate in my case to facilitate gender transition.
...
Yeah, a little bit assertive. I may get slapped down hard, but I'm trying, dammit. If I'm declined again, I'll have the therapist route the request to one of the specialists she's connected with. I want my, I want my, I want my ID's done... (Apologies to Dire Straits.)
I've been doing my thing in front of smaller groups, mostly "Physics for radio hobbyists" sorts of chalk talks, for a while, and now I'm back to doing them as myself. It's sort of neat. No complaints so far. They're probably all gob smacked. >:-)
Meanwhile, I've packaged up that letter I wrote for the radio club with much help (Thanks!) as a generic handout piece, with my avatar photo on the left and this text on the right:
Quote
My dear friends:
I've been dealing with a medical problem for decades that needs to be addressed. The causes are complicated, but the medical solution is well understood. It has already had a significant impact on me that I wanted to share with everyone, by re- introducing myself:
Hi, my name is Michelle Paquette. I am transgender and medically transitioning with the support of my physician, therapist, and endocrinologist, along with a team of specialists at Kaiser. This has been an extremely difficult process both professionally and personally, and I ask for your patience and understanding. Please understand that this is not about "lifestyle" or a choice, but about survival. I would be more than happy to answer any questions you may have about my transition, about my being transgender, or just to talk! Please feel free to contact me, and we can chat and get to know each other all over again!
Thank you for understanding.
Michelle Paquette
For more information:
http://www.apa.org/topics/lgbt/transgender.pdf (http://www.apa.org/topics/lgbt/transgender.pdf)
I've been tweaking it for different target audiences, but it seems to capture what I want to say about my particular transition. I've sent that out to several professional and hobby groups that knew the old me, and so far the responses have been positive.
I've got another 'big room' presentation to do in January, and a couple more classes lined up. Nobody's booed me off stage yet, so that's going OK. I've got a long evening planning meeting coming up tomorrow.
Oh, and the big formal event is coming up Saturday night! Stuff to do! My son has invited me to visit him down south, which would be nice, but I worry about hitting a TSA checkpoint presenting so differently from my old and misgendered ID. Letters, please!
Anyway, I'm definitely not going to be spending that much time sitting alone in an apartment. That helps me feel better. Well, that and coffee. And pumpkin bars.
OK, my first request for letters is still rattling about in Kaiser's internal system. The letter requests were logged, covered, stamped, stapled, and tossed into random interoffice mailing envelopes per their usual procedures. I'll have the results next week.
Meanwhile back with the family, my youngest daughter has been pretty uncommunicative since she saw me via FaceTime over last weekend. I think I gave her a little too much to think about. I did e-mail her a copy of that 'coming out' flyer I posted the text of yesterday, sans picture. She emailed a reply, wondering why I said this wasn't a choice when I clearly chose to wear those clothes and buy makeup. So, I sent her an explanation, that while choosing clothing and makeup is a choice, needing to get my gender expression and identity lined up really wasn't; the mismatch was bringing back depression and that nasty suicidal ideation. The 'not a choice' reflected that what little choice I had was either that nasty depression or the possibility of living a long, healthy life where I'd feel like part of the human race. I also added links to the APA info on transgender persons. I haven't heard back from her yet.
I did talk to my older daughter over the phone. We had a nice conversation, and we will be getting together the next time she's out here, in a few weeks.
Tonight I attended a meeting of that instructional team I'm on. As myself, of course. The team leader was actually welcoming, and I thanked him for his prayers (which is about all he talked about in the reply to my 'coming out' announcement). I'm signed up to teach classes in the next course series. I suspect the guy that coordinates the courses thinks I'm a new person to the team from his response to me. ;D
Funny observation on social behavior: During the break, the guys weren't talking much at all, but the three women there, including me, were all gabbing away. I felt like an insider...
Great going Michelle. You are barreling ahead.
I am proud of you and for you. Keep fighting and when the situation gets hard stare at it in the eyes and laugh.
Cindy
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 11, 2016, 01:12:43 AM
I felt like an insider...
Is that not what we strive for...to feel like part of the human race and more specifically female human race!
I have followed along and can see you going from strength to strength. Go Girl!!!!(I hate cliché but this fits) You are doing great...
We were having Liz intro's this weekend but due to looking like the blob at the moment we have taken a rain check till next weekend unless I wake up with no swelling tomorrow...ha ha not likely
Your daughters may take more time to process this and what it means for them. During this time with my own daughters the only thing I could do was just to be there and answer the questions. I had to at some point have faith that I had instilled in my daughters a sense of right and wrong along with what is acceptable, in respect to the way you treat other human beings...they passed with flying colours and in the end, it was a very proud moment for me to be able to say, that, despite the difficulties, they have prevailed.
You are doing really well Michelle and I hope things keep moving positively for you.
Hugs
Liz
Hey Michelle,
I just wanted to thank you for sharing and know that I am thinking of you. You are a strong woman and reading your story, your highs, lows, wins and losses gives me hope.
Take care
Steph
sorry your going through this . I'm been fortunate or unfortunate depending on ones view as to have never gone through this because the dysphoria crippled my ability to find anyone in the first place , but I know that if I had found someone I'd have to deal with this at some point.
Hi Michelle,
My daughter has known I am trans for years. She will not go out in public with me and said to never discuss trans issues with her. She is a second year nursing student and in one of her classes they watched a program on trans and why we do what we do to reduce dysphoria and be ourselves. That night she texted me many times and we texted about trans issues and why I am doing what I am doing.
The reason I shared the above is that my daughter loves me very much and is starting to process her feelings. Sometimes it takes time. I hope your youngest daughter processes her feelings and reaffirms her love for you.
Funny how in a group of woman there is so much to share and talk about and how much fun it is :)
Oh, thank you, everyone! The support from this board sometimes seems to be all that keeps me sane.
I did talk to my youngest daughter on the phone yesterday, after I had gotten some sleep. She still has issues with me, only to be expected. I told her that it was OK to just cut loose at me, that I wouldn't hang up on her, and she could say anything she wanted. She was angry with me for transitioning, and mourning the loss of her daddy. She was also angry that when she asked me why I was doing this, I gave her the clinical response about what I was doing and why. She felt that I was being too cold and distant when I did that, probably true. The clinical stuff shields me from the emotional confrontation, which I need to deal with. She's still questioning why I made the choice to move forward with transition, as that is what she feels has cost her Daddy.
I tried to reassure her that I'm still here, I'm still me, and she can call and text me all she wants, and of course I'll continue to reach out to her. Much sobbing and emotional venting followed, and we slowly changed the subject to what is happening in her life. This will be a long, slow process, just as Rachel Lynn described with her daughter. (Rachel, ain't family fun sometimes? Sometimes good, sometimes not. Always something, though.)
Meanwhile, I'm just living my life.
I'm trying to get a regular exercise routine going, aiming for my 10,000 steps a day, and some time to work on side planks and such. The move has blown my routines up. There is an exercise room off the garage in this building, with RFID key access for residents only, that I might figure out how to use. My hair is the biggest issue. Workouts in a wig are not a great idea. I may try the do-rag/cancer beanie/scarf thing and see if I can pull that off while holding a feminine presence. I used to do an hour a day on an elliptical trainer, but that was at home in private.
I'm working on lesson plans for technical classes I'll be doing in the next few months. The classes will be a bit of a challenge, trying to project my voice at a higher pitch and with proper intonation while filling a room. I may buy a few hours with a trans speech therapist to see what can be done.
My paperwork for identity changes is still 'in the works' at Kaiser. I expect that it will be rejected in its entirety, or given half-baked approvals that will prevent me from actually using it (Authorize a temp motor vehicle license revision, but not do the court order letter for name/gender change, for example. That leaves me with a DMV form for a name I don't have...) I fully expected problems with this doctor. Once rejected I'll get the request for letters re-routed to someone who understands Transgender issues at Kaiser's Oakland MST (Multi-Specialty Transitions) group. Just working the system...
Speaking of working the system, I need to fins a trans-friendly primary care physician, so I'll be poking around for that. There is one that I know of, the Director of Oakland MST! I don't know if I can get her for my doc, but that would sure be neat!
Anyway, I'm doing a few hours a day walking through downtown, stopping at one of the cafes here for a coffee break after a few miles, and catching up here. It's nice to finally be myself all of the time. I think I understand Anne Vitale's "Gender Expression Deprivation Anxiety Disorder" description now. It is wonderful to be free of that.
I've got my social life going, with both the hobbyist activities and a transgender social group for the region that does meet-ups every few weeks, some with dinner before. Most of the members are cross-dressing only, but there are several transwomen at various stages in the group as well. They're all nice folks, very open and friendly. It's nice to be able to sit down and relax with someone who's not judging me.
They're renting space at a country club tonight for their annual fall formal bash, dinner and entertainment. I'm going, of course. I didn't have any other plans on my calendar for tonight. I've got an actual, formal dress to wear for this. No jeans or pantsuit, an actual dress! And 3 inch heels! That's a first for me. I'm sure my feet will remind me of that in the morning. (Yes, I've been practicing, and breaking the shoes in.)
I just hope I don't kill myself with the clutch and stick shift on the way over there this evening. ;) (Yes, I will wear sensible shoes while driving and switch there.)
Hi Michelle,
I did not see the 5 stages of grief as my family was processing my and their transition. However, we were definitely moved through the stages. Transition is heart wrenching and there is a light at the end of the process; getting there are buckets of tears and a tremendous amount of growth along the way.
be well,
Rachel
Hi, Rachel! Yes, both my wife and youngest daughter are going through the process now. Fortunately they both are seeing therapists to help them through this, just as I am.
I attended that social event last night, and had a very pleasant time wobbling about in dress and heels. (Heels were clearly invented by a mysogynist as a mechanism of torture. Although I do like adding several inches to my perceived leg length. Hello, Barbie...)
I enjoyed chatting with and meeting some other transitioners, and spouses, which was pretty neat. Good conversations all around. On in particular struck a chord with me.
I mentioned in a previous post my father-in-law, a pretty neat, if cantankerous, character who had worked with Dr. Harry Benjamin. One of the folks I was chatting with mentioned the Unitarian Universalist church, which has a philosophy much closer to mine than any other organized religion. (Yeah, yeah. UU is organized enough to have bake sales, good enough for me.) My father-in-law had ministered at one of the local UU congregations in the years before he died, and had sparked an interest in UU with me. I never followed up on it as my spouse didn't want it disrupting her schedule. It turns out that the person I was sitting next to knew him well, along with his wife that I had just visited a few days ago!
Small world! Well, that 'six degrees of' network phenomenon at work again, anyway. We got to chatting, and another person mentioned that they had just visited the congregation near where I now live. That planted a bug in my head.
This morning, I was thinking about that, and looked up the local UU church. It's just a 30 minute walk away. Oh, they have two services this morning? If I rush I can make the first one. Huh? Waitaminnit...
I had to pause and think about this. Do I want to dive into some religion? Well, no. But UU is really more about self improvement and community building, which is what my life seems to be about these days. (No, really. My whole transition project is self improvement, and trying to develop my own social network independent of my divorcing spouse is certainly linked to community building.) OK, I'll take my time, think about what I really am looking for, finish breakfast, and maybe walk up to see the second service. That's me. Never rush into anything. ::)
Anyway, I dropped in as a visitor. Resistance is futile. Prepare to be assimilated... No, just kidding. They were very nice, friendly folks. Nobody told me I was "welcome, please make a donation, and BTW you're going to Hell." Yes, I've had THAT conversation at a different 'open' ministry. The sermon was oriented towards the people's feeling of fear for themselves and those around them, and rising above that fear, organizing and protecting the community. Well, THAT was timely, considering how I've been feeling recently.
There was a little coffee klatch afterwards, and I was able to talk with several of the members there. All quite open and accepting, no unpleasantness. It does seem like a nice community.
I'll probably be back.
OMG! OMG! :o ;D
(https://www.susans.org/forums/gallery/0/47977-171116181714.jpeg)
And, typically, the Doc decided to ignore the sample letters and do her own thing. It's close to what the Transgender Law Center example looks like, missing some boilerplate, so I think I'll file this and hope for a friendly judge.
The DMV form doesn't allow for flexibility. "Gender identification is (X)Complete ( )Transitional" :D
I know, unlike horseshoes, in law close doesn't count. But I'm on a roll...
Michelle that is so great for you! ;D
I hope you do get a friendly judge! I think your success has renewed my hope.
Thanks!
This was one crazy day. I had group therapy last night and an individual session today. I got the letters just before the session. As in, I was in the psych department waiting room when the medical secretary office downstairs called to tell me to pick up the letters!
The group session was interesting. Another member was talking about wanting to move to her own place, without annoying roommates, and the therapist asked me how I felt moving into my own place after 40 years of marriage and 6 years in the military. Been a long time since I was on my own...
This turned into a discussion on the loss of constraints, imposed by others or by ourselves to meet others expectations. We even talked about changes in activities we enjoy, hobbies, and such. I think we concluded that dropping the male persona and the need to have 'appropriate' activities for being a male is what really removes constraints from ourselves, and allows us to explore new areas of interest.
The whole experience was really liberating. I can, and am actively rebuilding myself as part of transition.
I revisited some of this in my private session today. At some point I joked about turtlenecks being in style again, so I was stocking up. Why? Because of that damn lump on my trachea, that's what. "So, would you like to get a tracheal shave?" Well, sure, but I've only been on HRT for 5 months and real life less than a month. "Oh, there's no restriction for tracheal shaves." ?!?? :o
Um. OK... And electrolysis coverage? OK...
So, letters, and referrals for electrolysis and tracheal shave! Damn! For such a slow process things seem to be happening so fast right now. Not that there's anything wrong with that... ;)
So, forms are printing right now, and I'll be at the courthouse bright and early to get things rolling.
It's like the Blue Fairy just dropped by, and made me a real girl! :D
Congratulations, I am happy for you. New found freedom and self discovery is a beautiful thing
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 17, 2016, 07:44:09 PM
I revisited some of this in my private session today. At some point I joked about turtlenecks being in style again, so I was stocking up. Why? Because of that damn lump on my trachea, that's what. "So, would you like to get a tracheal shave?" Well, sure, but I've only been on HRT for 5 months and real life less than a month. "Oh, there's no restriction for tracheal shaves." ?!?? :o
Yes, I had my nose and neck worked on at the same time and all I needed to do was ask my endo for the name of a good surgeon. He provided the name of a doctor in Beverly Hills who I think is still practicing but may be near retirement by now. I only needed a letter to start HRT and for bottom surgery.
Lucky for me no need for the shave but due to having a nose like a snuffalupagus they are they gonna have some fun rebuilding my nose in January...should be a HOOT...ha ha sorry couldn't help it Michelle
Liz
Very punny, Liz. Very punny... 8)
I got my papers all filed Friday morning. It took longer than I thought, though. It turns out thatI needed to get the name change paperwork that announces the hearing and orders folks to show cause why the name should not be changed had to be 'signed' by the judge. That is, the clerk stamps the form and initials it. In California a name change to conform better with gender doesn't need published notice (legal change as of July 1, 2014), so the form just gets buried in the court records. It just meant that I needed to get in the queue for another department for a couple hours to get the form stamped, then get in the queue to file the paperwork and pay the filing fee. Lots of queuing. The English would love it...
Friday afternoon and evening I spent with my mother-in-law, helping her out on various tasks and keeping her company. She's a pretty neat person.
Saturday was a rainy day, with me in the apartment (and posting too much here) aside from a mad pre-rain dash to the grocery store to deal with my empty little pantry.
Sunday was just amazing. I attended the late service at the Unitarian Universalist church near me. The presentation covered what it meant to be religious, and having a spiritual life, things I have thought about for a long time. Pretty engaging for me. They also talked about marginalized folks, and in particular the trans community, and tied that into the Transgender Day of Remembrance. They asked the members there to come to the TDoR event in a nearby park that evening to show support, which I thought was pretty nice.
Later in the day there was a discussion group I got involved with on the subject of the "Safety Pin" campaign, people declaring themselves to be "Safe Places" and actively protecting the marginalized among us. (Disclosure: I am one of those safety pin wearing folks.)
Later that evening we had the Transgender Day of Rememberance ceremony I posted about elsewhere here. It was a very moving event, about 60-70 people attending, including folks from the Rainbow Community Center, the UU, and several members of the Diablo Valley Girls social support group (I'm a member of that, too). Afterwards four of us DVG gals had dinner together, along with a therapist-in-training, another really neat person. (She's going to make a great therapist...)
Today, I had my usual Monday two hours in the chair. I discussed moving to a couple of two hour sessions, perhaps morning and afternoon on my Hairy Day. My upper lip is finally looking sparse in the hair department! I did my usual walking exercise this afternoon, and in a couple minutes I'm headed to dinner and a social meetup with the DVG folks.
So, that's my recent slice of life. It's not all shoe shopping and makeup. ;) But, I HAVE a life, I have friends, and I have things I enjoy doing. Life goes on. Happily...
Transitionally Yours
Michelle :icon_kiss:
I just got back from a Thanksgiving dinner, a potluck with a hundred or so folks at the local Unitarian Universalist church. It was a very nice experience, lots of good food and pleasant conversation.
I picked up on something interesting while there, which bugged me slightly at the time, but won't really be an issue for me. After both Sunday services, and at the dinner tonight, I found myself talking with folks who had a relative that was transgender. I thought it was a little unusual that a random set of folks talking with me would all have trans grandkids (!), children, or siblings. We just aren't THAT common. Now, I'm out, and open about it, but were all these folks clocking me and deciding to have THAT conversation with me? I hate to think I'm that obvious.
I found out what was up. I initially met the minister the Sunday after the election, after a sermon that was very well done and incredibly relevant. I had thanked her for the great message and told her it meant a lot to me as a transgender person. Oh, and the assisting minister is a transman and certainly clocked me. Again, no big deal.
It turns out that the minister thought I had some interesting things to say in our conversation, and was sending over members of the congregation that she knew had trans relatives to chat with me. She's not outing me, just telling them that they should go say hello to Michelle. They're all nice, accepting folks, but weren't sure what it meant for someone to be transgender, and had questions. No, nothing prying or intrusive! Mostly simple stuff about things like how to know their pronouns, how folks pick their new names, and such. I think they feel better getting some basic information and contact with a transgender person.
For a moment I wondered if I was going to be the token transperson, but I remembered the assistant minister and another transwoman, pre-everything, in the congregation. The minister is just trying to connect people with something in common that can help each other somehow. I don't mind that at all.
I chatted with the grandmother of a young transman tonight, for example, and she had a great little story about his coming out. At age 10 he had called her from his home thousands of miles away to come out, and broke the news to her. She simply said "I still love you. This doesn't change anything." "I know, Grandma! Thanks." I thought it was cute. The lad is on blockers for now to keep from growing down the wrong track.
Interesting group of people there. :)
Tomorrow I've got a Thanksgiving celebration of sorts, at my mother-in-law's house. My sister-in-law will be there, along with my 32 year old son. It's combined with a birthday party. Then, my son me will be staying overnight at my apartment before flying home this weekend. So, more company.
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 25, 2016, 12:37:15 AM
She simply said "I still love you. This doesn't change anything." "I know, Grandma! Thanks."
that just made me cry.
Michelle, that was such a nice post. I am happy you are meeting some very nice people at your church.
Are all Unitarian churches similar in their acceptance of trans?
Quote from: Rachel Lynn on November 25, 2016, 01:59:16 PM
Michelle, that was such a nice post. I am happy you are meeting some very nice people at your church.
Are all Unitarian churches similar in their acceptance of trans?
Thanks! I'm really trying hard to develop a social life, both within our little transgender community here and within a much broader circle of folks. I haven't had my own social life in over 40 years, and even back then, the old male persona was driving, and he was a private, standoffish sort of construct (deliberately). I find that as myself, I'm much more open, relaxed, and talkative than he ever was.
I've only had close contact with two UU congregations, the Berkeley folks (in Kensington, the hills above El Cerrito north of Berkeley), and the Walnut Creek congregation. Given the principles that UU is based on, I would expect them all to be pretty open and accepting. They've been really nice, and I think I could fit in well. Community service projects of various sorts are a big thing with them, and something I enjoy as well.
Rachel and Michelle,
My partner belongs to a UU church and was a founding member. We have found the 3 UU churches in the Baltimore area to be very open and trans friendly. They helped sponsor a trans day of remembrance. Unfortunately we missed it as my partner was sick.
Moni
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 20, 2016, 03:52:23 PM
I also have a special box packed for my last trip from the old place. It has the last of the sad old mans clothes, and I'll be dropping that off at Goodwill on the way home.
Yay! I know, late to comment, but it feels so good to get rid of that stuff, doesn't it? Getting rid of my sad, nothing-fits-so-I-might-as-well-wear-women's-clothes wardrobe felt so good.
Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on November 26, 2016, 09:11:01 AM
Yay! I know, late to comment, but it feels so good to get rid of that stuff, doesn't it? Getting rid of my sad, nothing-fits-so-I-might-as-well-wear-women's-clothes wardrobe felt so good.
Oh, yeah! That was the GOOD kind of purging! That was my retirement party for the sad old man. ::)
Hi, Moni! There you are! Nice avatar. ;)
My post-Thanksgiving event last night went very well. I picked up my son at my wife's house, under her Usual Rules. Pull up at the prearranged time, DO NOT GET OUT (what if the neighbors see?!??), text, and he'll come out. Huh. Anyway, he spotte the little car as soon as I pulled up, came out, opened the door, and met me. "Son, I am your father..." To his credit he didn't scream or fall into a giant shaft or anything. Just said "Hi", and got in the car.
"I know I look a little different..." "Eh, it's still you." OK, cool with that. He did keep looking at me as we drove to the mother-in-law's place, which I expected. After all, I do look a bit different. I mentioned that I had done 'The Works' in makeup, and I had a very colorful scarf under the denim jacket collar, along with the white turtleneck, skinny jeans, and black full calf boots. Not the usual Dad-wear. The whole deal was actually aimed at my sister-in-law, who had been pulling my leg a bit in our last phone call about trading notes on makeup. She hadn't met Michelle before, either, but seemed OK with me. She's a senior HR person, and has done diversity training and dealt with correcting people problems for a long time.
So, we got to their house, knocked on the door, and my son and I were greeted warmly by our relatives. I've said it before, but acceptance really is the greatest gift. A really great turkey dinner is pretty close, though.
We had a wonderful visit. Kitchen fun, with me carving the bird (I'm good at it), and helping to get everything ready. I love kitchen work. :) We had a great dinner, from homemade soup to pumpkin pie. Afterwards we retreated to the living room, and chatted for a couple of hours. The inevitable questions about me came up, and I gave them what I hope are reasonable answers. I'm getting used to that, but don't intend for it to be a subject of future visits with folks I've already had The Talk with. There are other topics in life.
My son came home with me to the bachelorette pad, where I had a twin bed set up for him. Dude slept like a log. I wish I could do that! We went out to breakfast at a nice local place this morning, to get him all fueled up, and then I took him to the airport for his flight home.
That was a nice start for my weekend. The rest of the day was pretty quiet. I got in about 70 of my 10,000 steps when the downpour started, so I headed back home without my usual coffee stop. Tomorrow I just have the morning services at the UU church I've been visiting. I'm inclined to sign The Book and become a member. Nice folks and some good projects I can dig into. I've got a meeting record to transcribe, and some budget documents to finish.
Monday is my birthday, and I'm celebrating with a couple hours of electrolysis and perhaps lunch with a friend.
Huh. The Real Life Experience involves having a real life. Who knew? ::)
Michelle, it sounds like it was a wonderful time😀 Happy birthday :icon_birthday:
Michelle,
So glad the family dinner went so well. The more often you do it, the more relaxed it will be. Happy Birthday and thanks for the comment on my avatar.
Monica
Michelle, I'm so happy for you that your family is so accepting (mostly anyway). I keep reading your life book here and finding it such a positive influence. Thank you for continuing to share with us.
Monica you look great! I noticed you changed your avatar the other day. It inspired me to put myself out here also. Thanks for that ;)
Thanks Josie, what a nice thing to say! I don't usually inspire, it feels good! :) I must say that I love your picture. You look great! I don't see you having any trouble passing.
Monica
Today I had another joint session with my wife and the divorce lawyer. In accordance with Her Prime Directive, I have to present as male for purposes of doing a mediated divorce.
I was shaking as I cross dressed male, the old dysphoria back, anxiety and probably my blood pressure spiking. A lovely start to the day...
We spent a couple hours there, paying the lawyer his hourly rate to explain to her the need to have a budget, determine how much she could safely spend from investments, and live within.
She objected strenuously to this, insisting she needs more money. "My friend Carol has way more than this that she spends every month." Your friend Carol is drawing a nice monthly pension and Social Security that she delayed til age 70, for double what you can draw at age 62.
She spent the next hour sulking and refusing to sign any more paperwork. I spent it mostly hoping I could get the heck out of there and back to my new life. Odds of reconciliation: 0%
So, I had a grand day out enjoying some real male privilege. :P
I'll try not to kill myself beating my head against the wall.
At least I've confirmed that I haven't been 'cured' of gender dysphoria. I've still got it...
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I am sorry you are going through this. Mediation is painful and having to dress male is painful. Make sure you do something to treat yourself. A scented bath, buy a top or eat your favorite food.
You're one tough chick, Michelle. This too, shall pass. "Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and forever".
Stole that from Casablanca. Go have a glass of wine and revel in the fact this this will be behind you and we got your back.
Thanks, Rachel. I just got my freebie birthday Starbucks treat, a grande skinny peppermint mocha. Does that count? :)
Jentay, love the new hair! Nice!
Hey, I do have one interesting observation. I've been full time, presenting as myself 24/7, for a month now. While I was out cross-dressed as male, I felt something interesting.
Remember when you first went out in public dressed as yourself, against your assigned gender? Remember the fear of discovery that went along, that made it so hard to step out the door, and had you scurrying about, head down, hoping nobody would clock you?
I had that feeling today while cross-dressed male, against my true identity. Weird. Does this mean I've internalized my true identity?
Sometimes we're the rat, and sometimes we're the maze...
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 29, 2016, 08:54:08 PM
Thanks, Rachel. I just got my freebie birthday Starbucks treat, a grande skinny peppermint mocha. Does that count? :)
Jentay, love the new hair! Nice!
Hey, I do have one interesting observation. I've been full time, presenting as myself 24/7, for a month now. While I was out cross-dressed as male, I felt something interesting.
Remember when you first went out in public dressed as yourself, against your assigned gender? Remember the fear of discovery that went along, that made it so hard to step out the door, and had you scurrying about, head down, hoping nobody would clock you?
I had that feeling today while cross-dressed male, against my true identity. Weird. Does this mean I've internalized my true identity?
Sometimes we're the rat, and sometimes we're the maze...
Sometimes, we figure it out and beat the maze.
I have seen enough progress in myself to change my identity here from Q to F. That's a big deal for me. It helps that I can't hide my breast growth anymore.:) I'm really happy with my progress. I feel content, and right in my place. I'm just a girl who finally solved the maze.
QuoteJentay, love the new hair! Nice!
Thanks Michelle, you're sweet! Old hair but I got sick of looking at the same old tired pic when I log on so I took a few minutes to load a pic I'll probably get sick of looking at as well, soon enough.
I really hope your problems slip away so you can get some peace of mind. I'm crossing my fingers for you for a speedy and mutually beneficial outcome. Stay positive! Peace
Michelle I think it's a very good sign that if you have to have the social anxiety it comes from dressing like a man. I am going to find it a happy feeling when I reach that point in my life. ;) I'm sorry that you are still stuck in mediation. It sounds like your to-be-ex has a bit of growing to do.
Monica, thanks for the complement!
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 29, 2016, 08:54:08 PMSometimes we're the rat, and sometimes we're the maze...
Quote from: Sinclair on November 29, 2016, 10:52:01 PMSometimes, we figure it out and beat the maze.
Before one goes through the gate
one may not be aware there is a gate
One may think there is a gate to go through
and look a long time for it
without finding it
One may find it and
it may not open
If it opens one may be through it
As one goes through it
one sees that the gate one went through
was the self that went through it
no one went through a gate
there was no gate to go through
no one ever found a gate
no one ever realized there was never a gate
-- r.d. laing
"I'm ridiculous to feel ridiculous when I'm not." - R.D. Laing
;D "Knots" is such a neat book. A favorite used bookstore find of mine.
Honestly, the problems are not bothering me much. The spouse-departing doesn't have any contact or communication with me outside of the lawyer's office, and I can support her clue-free lifestyle for a number of months, although she doesn't realize that just yet. She really doesn't realize just how well-off she will be if she can just stop doing incredibly foolish things.
This past month, for example, she paid a housekeeper $350 to come in one single time to sweep, mop, and vacuum, a task that took me about 40 minutes weekly, but which is beyond her capabilities. She spent one weekend in a hotel by a premium outlet center to do some shopping, 'saving' hundreds of dollars on a massive spending spree. Dining out and the hotel stay cost more than her supposed 'savings.'
Her monthly budget includes $1,175 for gifts and entertainment, $700 for clothing, $750 for groceries, and so on. She says she needs more. ::)
Uh... Dear, this is a no-fault divorce state. The law is very clear on the division of assets. You really, really don't want a divorce by trial. Alimony from someone who hasn't had a job in 9 years is unlikely, but since you were working THIS year, I could ask for alimony from you.
As it is, she stands to get half of all our assets, including a fully paid for house. There's no pension involved, so she desperately needs to develop some ability to stick within a budget, or plan on becoming a homeless 70-something. :o
This is entirely her problem. She refused to pay attention to finances, and has refused my offers of help. Once the 'fiduciary responsibility' rules are struck next year, she's just so much chum in the water for the financial planner/sharks out there. I feel sorry for her, but I can't be responsible for her inaction.
That's why I'm filing the protective court order requests to lock down the joint accounts.
Quote'saving' hundreds of dollars
Ahhhhhhhh....the spend and save way to build a fortune. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Well, you know the old adage, "If you ain't smart, you better be tough". I hope she is.
QuoteOnce the 'fiduciary responsibility' rules are struck next year, she's just so much chum in the water for the financial planner/sharks out there.
When my mother died, she had her meager and entire portfolio with Meryl lynch. Her "Broker" had paid himself commissions over the five years she was with them. Her portfolio had decreased in that five year period roughly the amount that had been paid in commissions. He told us that we should leave the money there to avoid taxes and allow for "growth". I read him the riot act, took the money out and paid for her lavish funeral that roughly 25 people showed up for. A portion that appeared to be there for "the grub". You can't make this stuff up! Please feel free to relate this to the ex if for no other reason than "a cautionary tale".
After my whacky fun visit at the lawyer's office, the rest of the week has been downright calm. I managed to get my full 10,000 steps in Wednesday and Thursday, walking around downtown. Wednesday was a very calm day for me, just a little grocery shopping in the morning, and after lunch, a few hours of window shopping and strolling through some adjoining residential neighborhoods in search of likely looking condo developments. I plan to move from renter to owner later in 2017.
Thursday I did a good bit of walking early in the day, discovering that the 'condos' on the west side are mostly nasty old converted apartments. That doesn't explain the price tags. They are closer to the BART (regional transit rail system) station, but YUCK! Overpriced and under insulated. I'll pass.
I treated myself to lunch Thursday, the local Panera Breads for my spicy Thai salad and hazelnut coffee. (The coffee purists have just left the thread...) After lunch, I caught the afternoon showing of "The Arrival." Interesting SF film, not the usual stuff, but a thoughtful exploration of language and how it defines our world view. (I liked the short story, and the film was a very nice adaptation.)
I headed home for dinner, and after dinner put on a warm coat and went out to take a peek at the official Christmas Tree Lighting Event (sponsored by the local high end chain store mall...). It was fun, actually. Lots of parents towing small kids around, streets closed to cars, crazy amounts of foot traffic. It was fun to see all of that and just be part of the crowd.
Friday, today, was fun on a smaller, more intimate basis. I spent the morning playing with financial simulations and the past month's bank and credit card statements for my wife-departing. I think she's going to be financially OK. I'll mail her my findings and suggestions in the morning. Who knows, if she reads them she might be reassured.
The afternoon and evening was spent with my mother-in-law. I took care of some fairly daunting tasks for her, dealing with the cable company and a long-outstanding but tedious financial task. We also chatted for a couple hours straight, as I think she might get lonely on her own in that huge old house. She loves company as an excuse to cook dinner, which she did very well. Yes, she sent me home with food again.
Friday night, nothing to do but post on the Intertubes, so of course I washed my hair. It's on the stands over a kitchen towel. I'm wearing my emergency backup hair, an ancient cosplay wig. (Motoko! Someone else with body dysphoria...) Saturday will be a quiet day, I think, just some cleaning and maybe read a book or watch a movie. Sunday I'll go hang out at the UU church for a while, wander about town to get my steps in. Monday I've got electrolysis, and Wednesday my last group therapy session before the therapist retires.
My tweaks to my electrolysis prep, using the skin surgical cleaning agent before the numbing gel and afterward avoiding a close shave and applying witch hazel seems to have helped. Fewer irritatied spots, only one tiny pustule, and a faster overall skin recovery seem to be the results. I'll try again next week and see how it goes.
I'm a bit ambivalent about losing my therapist. It's almost an hour drive to get to therapy from my current location, but the therapist has been helpful, and was an 'insider' with the Kaiser trans-care team, the Multi-Specialty Transitions department (MST). This leaves me with no connection to MST, as well as no trans-friendly primary care physician, just an endocrinologist who hasn't had many trans patients. I think I'll push for a referral while I can.
Life continues to happen. I'm enjoying the ride more these days. Sure beats how I felt 7-8 months ago, anyway.
Glad to hear how well you're taking charge of your life! Sometimes it's just navigating the day-to-day that keeps us going, especially given what a marathon transition actually is.
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 03, 2016, 01:18:14 AMMonday I've got electrolysis...
My tweaks to my electrolysis prep, using the skin surgical cleaning agent before the numbing gel and afterward avoiding a close shave and applying witch hazel seems to have helped. Fewer irritatied spots, only one tiny pustule, and a faster overall skin recovery seem to be the results. I'll try again next week and see how it goes.
I have found a post-electrolysis regimen that works best for me: witch hazel and pure aloe vera gel. Just this, for 48 hours. Wash with water, tone with witch hazel, and apply aloe as a moisturizer and more importantly as a protectant. Keep those pores closed and covered, so nothing gets in and the microphages have time to clean them up. This greatly helps to reduce redness and swelling, in my experience. :)
Also, if you have to shave, maybe try an electric shaver? I think they're easier on the skin.
Quote...and Wednesday my last group therapy session before the therapist retires. I'm a bit ambivalent about losing my therapist. It's almost an hour drive to get to therapy from my current location, but the therapist has been helpful, and was an 'insider' with the Kaiser trans-care team, the Multi-Specialty Transitions department (MST). This leaves me with no connection to MST, as well as no trans-friendly primary care physician, just an endocrinologist who hasn't had many trans patients. I think I'll push for a referral while I can.
Yeah, definitely get a referral. You never know when you'll need a sympathetic medical professional on your side, let alone someone qualified to talk to.
As to the group therapy, and as if you didn't have enough on your plate already, have you considered offering to facilitate them as a simple support group going forward? You certainly have the skills, and a support group is pretty easy to run (it's just going around and checking in, basically). It's always nice to have other people to talk to, it's something to fill in the hours, and it's a nice excuse to keep in touch with people. If, you know, they're people you still want to talk to.
:)
Michelle, it is wonderful to see you are doing so well and have such a positive attitude. I am happy for you.
Heh... my current electrolysis kit:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fuploads.tapatalk-cdn.com%2F20161203%2F550ebd614dd18c93fd0d027fb258256f.jpg&hash=248580b530b7305c36b54460bafd366dd079133d)
If the old rotary shaver dies soon I'll probably get a little foil electric shaver.
Before electrolysis I wash and wipe down the face and neck with chlorhexadine gluconate 4% to reduce the bacterial population, followed by a lidocaine numbing gel topped with plastic wrap. The wrap keeps the goop in place and prevents its drying out for the next hour before electrolysis.
After Jodie finishes zapping me, I clean up with a mild face cleanser (Neutrogena), dry, and then splash on the witch hazel. After a couple minutes the aloe vera gel goes on. (Trader Joe's just switched back to the old formulation, more or less, without fragrance. Works OK for me...)
I went about 48 hours before I used cosmetics or anything else on my face other than this stuff after treatment.
I'm definitely going to try for a referral, and I'll poke Kaiser for a trans-friendly primary doctor if any are available in the region.
I'm about an hour away from where most of the current group members live and trying to keep the group going would be tricky. I'm not that interested in taking this on.
The retiring therapist is retiring now to keep her current good retirement medical plan. If she waits, she gets a much worse package. Can't blame her. She's looking for a small private practice office and plans to try and continue the group. Alas, the beautiful little town she'll be in is about a 90 minute drive away, or 2 hours in afternoon traffic in that direction.
The other group I know of in Kaiser is about 40 minutes away by foot and regional rail (BART). I like that better.
Edit: I'm also in a social support group, dinners and meetups every few weeks with a pretty eclectic bunch of folks, from occasional cross-dressers, to girls in transition, to post-transition folks. There's also a group that meets regularly at the Rainbow Community Center near here that I might try. I'm also trying to find some activities in the local Unitarian Universalist (UU) church group to improve my social connection to the broader community.
Life has its compromises. And thanks, Rachel! I'm doing fine. (One of the first things I did on thei site was read your entire thread on your transition. Guess why I'm doing this? ;) )
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Michelle, I am honored you read my posts and flattered.
Hi Michelle, so happy to see so many positives!
Really hope you are saving all of this to write a book. Seriously, you need to write a book. You're a good writer and have a great story to tell. :icon_chick:
Midnight, Tuesday morning. Time for bed.
Monday happened. It was a busy one.
Up early, got dressed and had my breakfast. Cleaned myself up, did my skin prep, slopped on my lidocaine gel, wrapped my face in plastic, and I headed off to electrolysis.
Jodie did her thing, we joked around when I wasn't spaced out. "Astral projection... I'll be over at COSTCO while you are doing the upper lip. I'll be back to pick up the body at 11." I wish. Anyway, after two hours of zappage we took a few minutes to schedule out appointments for another month. I'll be going to two 2 hour sessions, morning and afternoon, on Electrolysis Day. The goal is to do that until I can get cleared in one day, then we will start ramping down.
Yeah, I'm probably crazy.
I dashed to a restroom for the obvious, then a quick wash, shave, witch hazel on the face, followed by aloe vera gel. Ahhhh...
Then, off to lunch with Kathy. Since I did my quarterly bloodwork draw Sunday morning before church, I figured I could afford a day off plan. Lunch at Black Bear Diner was 3 pancakes, two eggs, sausage, bacon, and coffee. Wheee! Sugar high! Kathy and I sat around yakking about nothing consequential for a hour and a half. Nobody got misgendered. A grand time was had by all. We'll do it again next week. Maybe I'll stick to my diet.
Next I was off to COSTCO for gas and groceries. And a couple turtleneck sweaters in colors I didn't have. And warm PJs. Sigh...
I made it home, put away the groceries, handled my e-mail and whatnot, and generally mucked about til dinner time. Dinner would be out at a local restaurant with 5 other girls from the local transgender social support group, after which there was a larger meetup. More fun was had, and I spent a couple hours yakking with another girl that had been on HRT for decades, and just now was moving forward with a full transition. Wow. So many different good paths we may take through life, all of them correct for ourselves.
Busy day. I apparently have a social life. Who knew?
I have to go try on the PJs now. Good night.
Michelle you are going so well!
Now for a next step?
Somewhere new? Maybe an Art opening or a Classical music evening or something off the usual cultural day to day.
The only reason I say that is that about where you are now I went to an Art opening and was looking at stuff and approached by a guy asking how I felt about the painting and I told him I thought it was rubbish. He was the Artist and I was whisked of to dinner as the only honest person he had met; we had a lovely relationship for as long as it went; it was fun. No regrets.
Spread your wings and fly!!!
Cindy
Quote from: Cindy on December 06, 2016, 02:38:01 AM
Michelle you are going so well!
Now for a next step?
Somewhere new? Maybe an Art opening or a Classical music evening or something off the usual cultural day to day.
The only reason I say that is that about where you are now I went to an Art opening and was looking at stuff and approached by a guy asking how I felt about the painting and I told him I thought it was rubbish. He was the Artist and I was whisked of to dinner as the only honest person he had met; we had a lovely relationship for as long as it went; it was fun. No regrets.
Spread your wings and fly!!!
Cindy
Oh, my! Thanks for that one, Cindy. I can just picture that little encounter. Oof!
And yes, I have further little adventures planned. Later this week I'm going over to San Francisco again to do some seasonal shopping, and maybe hit Original Joe's in the afternoon. They've been around forever, although changing locations. They're in North Beach as of a couple years ago, and they still have their amazing hamburger (no, really!) on the menu.
There's a neat show and a whole floor of curated photography over at the Museum of Modern Art in my list to see, and a crazy 'Story of Rama' exhibit at another museum I plan on checking out.
I've got that amateur radio club holiday party next week, where a group of 60-odd somewhat conservative older folks (OK, my age...) will meet me for the first time. Oh, and I'm still president of the organization.
I'm teaching a couple of classes starting in January, and doing some public speaking on technology issues (no trans stuff) in January.
Do those sound OK for small next steps? ;)
And Cindy, thanks again for, well, being you! I appreciate your nudges, and really admire your fortitude. Just amazing.
Hugs!
- Michelle
replying to your original post i'm soooo sorry that happened to you honey *hugs tight* :)
Quote from: amazonprincess on December 06, 2016, 02:29:14 PM
replying to your original post i'm soooo sorry that happened to you honey *hugs tight* :)
It's OK, Princess. I'm doing much better now than in October, and infinitely better than when I crashed, burned, and came out the hard way back in March.
That's wonderful and great to know, i wish you the best hon :).
Ah, there's always something...
I've got another quarterly check coming up, a telephone appointment with my endocrinologist on Thursday. I just did labs for this, and the results are coming in...
Estradiol: <50 pg/mL
Oh, for goddess's sake. Six months in and I still haven't moved the needle off the peg. I know I'm getting SOMETHING in me, as the roller coaster ride from one biweekly patch a week ended when I got to do them properly, two biweekly a week, or one every 3.5 days. I've got growth where I want it, and a tiny change in waist and hips.
Of course, now I think I'm missing something. Moar E, pleeze!
I dunno. Double patches, maybe? I've no trouble keeping them in contact and avoiding lifting. They're expensive, though. Or should I bite the bullet and move to injections? Alas, I hate needles. Nasssty pointy things, they hurts us, they does! The HMO injection center is a 10 minute walk, but I'm sure they'd rather have me be a DIY injection hobbyist.
Yeah, yeah. "Go on, take it like a man!" ::) ;)
Not a big deal. Annoying at worst. I'll hash this out with my endo on Thursday.
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 06, 2016, 03:44:11 PM
Ah, there's always something...
I've got another quarterly check coming up, a telephone appointment with my endocrinologist on Thursday. I just did labs for this, and the results are coming in...
Estradiol: <50 pg/mL
Oh, for goddess's sake. Six months in and I still haven't moved the needle off the peg. I know I'm getting SOMETHING in me, as the roller coaster ride from one biweekly patch a week ended when I got to do them properly, two biweekly a week, or one every 3.5 days. I've got growth where I want it, and a tiny change in waist and hips.
Of course, now I think I'm missing something. Moar E, pleeze!
I dunno. Double patches, maybe? I've no trouble keeping them in contact and avoiding lifting. They're expensive, though. Or should I bite the bullet and move to injections? Alas, I hate needles. Nasssty pointy things, they hurts us, they does! The HMO injection center is a 10 minute walk, but I'm sure they'd rather have me be a DIY injection hobbyist.
Yeah, yeah. "Go on, take it like a man!" ::) ;)
Not a big deal. Annoying at worst. I'll hash this out with my endo on Thursday.
Hi Michelle
I am on an E implant so don't have your issues in regards to E. However I have had chronic pain for many years and at one point I was on patches for about 3 years...just before they gave me this rather expensive plumbing to take care of my pain meds.
Whilst on the patches I noted they had a lead in and lead out time when getting up to strength. I understand that within a couple of hours and they should be delivering a the right amount. If the patch is not in direct unimpeded contact with the skin then the absorption cannot happen at the correct rate.
I used to stagger my patches...day one put on a new 3 day patch on one arm and the next day place another one on the other arm, the next day remove and replace. Essentially the 24 hrs before the patch is due for replacement is when the second one goes on. This will stop the ups and downs and keep the delivery at a more even level. Its appears odd and the drug authority got all bent out of shape until they conceded that my levels of medication were not actually any higher than intended just at a more constant even level.
I hope that I explained that well enough. It took heaps of trial and error to make the patches work for me and I tried several brands at differing strengths and they all had the same lead in and lead out time. The manufacturers claim the amount should always be constant...but that is under ideal conditions.
Hugs
Liz
Thanks, Liz. Yeah, the 'roller coaster' ride the patch delivery has is familiar. I had the blood draw at the 60 hour point on an 84 hour (biweekly) patch, and double-checked the thing for proper adhesion when I swapped patches out the next day. It had definitely been in place properly.
I'll just add that this particular brand has been... problematic... for others. In theory, if I were a post-menopausal ciswoman I should have gotten a reading of 80-110 from the vendor's puff sheet. As a transwoman I think that would land me in the 50-80 range, not really a transition level anyway. Add in the error bands for the estradiol lab test, and I could easily be running 50-60 right now. Doubling the patches seems like one possible reasonable solution. We'll see what happens Thursday.
Granted it's hard for me to be objective, I grew up on a farm where we did Im injections for animals as needed and have worked in medical devices for many years.
That said, giving injections is pretty easy, before I had to do this I did my own acupuncture with good results, just copying what the therapist had done.
The key, I find is simply remembering to relax the muscles. I go I'm my quad, same spot every time and sitting to ensure muscles don't twitch. Glutes is also doable but harder to see if you're doing your own.
The patch concept was never one I wanted.
I'm with Sadie, Michelle. I'm 58, had high T when I started, after 3 months my tests revealed 15/t and 300/e. We've all watched you invest so much in this process. If you're going to do this thing.....do it!
In for a penny, in for a pound and all that colloquial nonsense!
Ow! Now, why oh why did I wonder what others would say?
[emoji79]
I suppose syringes and vials of The Juice are in my future. I'd better get an incredible figure out of all this. I'll post the result Thursday evening.
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Doing your own injections is really no big deal. I was nervous about it at first too, since I also hate needles. But after doing it several dozen times, you get used to it.
Think of it this way. How many people in the world need to do regular insulin injections for diabetes? It's completely normal to self-inject your own medications.
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 06, 2016, 05:54:44 PM
Ow! Now, why oh why did I wonder what others would say?
[emoji79]
I suppose syringes and vials of The Juice are in my future. I'd better get an incredible figure out of all this. I'll post the result Thursday evening.
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Tanner V in 11 months, breasts are still growing and the prospect of being pretty is motivating me to get back to working out more consistently.
Quote from: SadieBlake on December 07, 2016, 04:08:36 AM
Tanner V in 11 months, breasts are still growing and the prospect of being pretty is motivating me to get back to working out more consistently.
I was just being a little snarky, a bad habit of mine I have to watch better.
Tanner V in under a year? Damn, girl! Good genes and rocket fuel in a bottle!
Yeah, a shot at being pretty could be a real motivator. Wow! Go for it!
I'll settle for not looking like someone's grandma [emoji70] for a few more years. Pesky late bloomer. I should have done this 30 years ago. I'll know better next time...
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I didn't take that for snark, looking feminine is important to me. If I can't pass, I can at least have that.
And yes, I'm still barely on the large side of an A cup but with a filled out shape and will be happiest if another year or so hence I could be at a B cup size.
I think I mentioned elsewhere that over the weekend I updated my LinkedIn page. For months it had no picture, and just the initial 'M' for the first name. I put up my avatar picture there and my full first name. That kicked up page views 600%. Then, last night, I put up my 'coming out' letter, "Dear friends; For many years..." as an article, public, and appearing in the streams of my 120 or so connections.
I have four younger brothers, whom I haven't heard from in many years. One of them is connected to me on LinkedIn...
He saw the update, and was wondering who this Michelle was. Same workplaces as his older brother had, and... submarine service? Hey... He messaged me asking if I had four younger brothers that he named. ;D
"Yup, that would be me. Hey, you know how you get bored in retirement and look for something new to try?"
"You changed your hair."
"Yeah, that and a few other bits..."
"Give me a call at xxxxxxxxxxx"
So, we had a nice phone call. He's very accepting of the whole thing. (I thought he might be. Pretty mellow person, really.) I have some other relatives on LinkedIn, cousins and nephews. It'll be interesting to see if this prompts a connection of some sort.
All in all, a nice result from poking the universe again.
Later...
My brother forwarded the post of the image of my old name tag to his son, my nephew, with no other clues. So, he gets a post from Michelle P with a name tag for Mike P. ;) Naturally, he recognized the name tag name, and clicked through. My phone rang while I was in the shower, so I called him back...
"Hi (nephew). This is your Aunt Michelle calling." >:-) (I'm having way too much fun with this.)
We talked for about 30 minutes. It turns out he's totally accepting. One off his wives (plural) sisters has a spouse transitioning MtF who has surgery scheduled in San Francisco this summer. He's been totally supportive of her, defending her to the snarky and rather pushy mother-in-law. Pretty neat! I may get together with some of the extended family when they are here.
My old family is more accepting than I knew.
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 07, 2016, 11:04:55 AM
I
"Yup, that would be me. Hey, you know how you get bored in retirement and look for something new to try?"
"You changed your hair."
"Yeah, that and a few other bits..."
I had to laugh when I read this part...yep you have changed your hair....do you reckon he will miss the other changes...like the smiling happy woman in front of him :) :)
Liz
Michelle, I am happy your family is accepting.
Quote from: Rachel Lynn on December 07, 2016, 05:46:09 PM
Michelle, I am happy your family is accepting.
Yeah, it's pretty neat. These are folks I haven't see in years. Some of that was on their side, of course, but wife-departing didn't much care for them either. Not college grads, engaged in (horrors) menial jobs; chef, sewage treatment plant operator, etc. ::)
I'll probably see them more often now.
My older daughter is flying in for a visit tomorrow. My current plans are for dinner with her after my endocrinologist phone appointment. My younger daughter, the one very attached to wife-departing, misses me, and was talking about getting together with me for a movie night, where we watch and mock an old film, RiffTrax style. That's a change in attitude for her. She brought it up immediately after she heard about the dinner plans with her sister.
So, yeah, family life is improving.
I've got a different issue rearing it's head now. My 2000 Miata is starting to flake out a bit, and I don't have my shop space to work on it any more. To be honest, I'm sort of losing interest in the manly art of wrenching on vehicles. My therapist pointed out the risks of a breakdown while being me. That nice man that stops to help might decide the lug nuts are not the best place to apply a tire iron once he gets closer and hears my voice. :-\ I may have to go shopping for a more appropriate vehicle. :P There's an expense coming up that wasn't in the budget.
Step right up! It's the Real Life Experience! Hoo boy...
The other option is a auto club membership. So far I have had to used it once when the intake manifold water jacket burst open due to a manufacturing defect. Otherwise, I change my own tires.
Quote from: Dena on December 07, 2016, 09:47:26 PM
The other option is a auto club membership. So far I have had to used it once when the intake manifold water jacket burst open due to a manufacturing defect. Otherwise, I change my own tires.
I have that. Alas, there's still a big risk in being a woman (trans) on the side of the highway waiting for the auto club truck. There have even been cases where the driver was the danger, although to be fair, the tow driver is more often the one assaulted in our urban areas.
I'll have to see how the finances shake out. Long term, a more practical vehicle is the right thing to get.
OK, I had my phone meeting with the endocrinologist. She wants to take it slow, because of my age and a personal risk related to clotting. My specific issues make injections something to avoid. A reason to avoid nassty pointy things other than my being chicken...
So, with that, we're going to try doubling up on patches for a few months. Then, we'll test again and see what happens.
My wallet says "Ouch", as these things are about US $10 each patch, or $40 a week now (until I hit my Max Out Of Pocket in 2017). Estradiol valerate IM would be much cheaper. Oh, well. There's always going off the formulary and trying sublingual estradiol (not in the Kaiser formulary). I'd have to pay for that, too, but it would be much cheaper.
It will be interesting to see if I can sense any change from this.
In pill form, estradiol should cost $40 for a 6 month transition dosage. The pain is holding the pill in your mouth long enough for it to do it's thing however it's giving me achy breasts at half the transition dosage so it's doing something. About 4 more months tillI see my new levels.
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 08, 2016, 11:39:48 PM
OK, I had my phone meeting with the endocrinologist. She wants to take it slow, because of my age and a personal risk related to clotting. My specific issues make injections something to avoid. A reason to avoid nassty pointy things other than my being chicken...
So, with that, we're going to try doubling up on patches for a few months. Then, we'll test again and see what happens.
My wallet says "Ouch", as these things are about US $10 each patch, or $40 a week now (until I hit my Max Out Of Pocket in 2017). Estradiol valerate IM would be much cheaper. Oh, well. There's always going off the formulary and trying sublingual estradiol (not in the Kaiser formulary). I'd have to pay for that, too, but it would be much cheaper.
It will be interesting to see if I can sense any change from this.
Well at least you have something to try, In the end I used sports tape to ensure my medication patches stayed on my skin, I would not put on a new patch until I was able to clean the area thoroughly. It must make contact with the skin to be effective. When they get itchy try not to rub the patch as I know depending on brand that some patches when rubbed can increase the amount being delivered...it will say in the fine print brochure you get with them. Other than staggering them by 4- 12hrs(depending how long their time to get to full capacity is) so you don't have both run out at the same time...probably less critical than say with narcotics.
Hope you start to see an improvement
Hugs
Liz
Thanks, Liz!
I was having a pretty good response before, so it will be interesting to see what happens now.
I started last night, with my cleaning and tape drill, a couple hours before bedtime. I don't know if it is related, but I slept straight through the night and got nine hours of solid sleep. I can't remember the last time that happened. I usually am waking up multiple times at night and get maybe seven hours of sleep at most.
I sure hope it happens again.
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WOW that is so great...my sleep has improved out of site since being on HRT...maybe it was the added dose...lets hope so
Liz
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 09, 2016, 10:04:47 AM
but I slept straight through the night and got nine hours of solid sleep.
JEALOUS AS HELL! For me, estrogen is a metaphor for insomnia... :'(
The sleep thing is interesting. I'll try to keep track and report on how I do.
Raising the estrodiol level might be linked to a couple other things I noticed today.
This morning, for no reason I can see, I started feeling really bummed out, thinking about how I'll never pass as a ciswoman. Odd that I'd think about that, as before I even started, I knew and expected that I wouldn't pass, just becoming as I told my therapist "A Weird Old Lady". I also had a mild headache most of the day, so mild I didn't bother taking anything for it.
Realistically, I do already sort of pass as a person on the street. Close inspection, particularly when I don't have my wardrobe act (and camouflage paint, er, makeup) together, and I don't pass. No surprise after only 6 months of not enough estradiol.
I don't know. I certainly won't make any major decisions for a few weeks, while I let my system settle in to the new hormone levels.
Just a note, Estrogen can result in migraine headaches and I get them from time to time. For me the triggers are lack of sleep, excessive caffeine over time and being to intense without breaks when doing a task. As long as I avoid my triggers, I can go for a long time without a headache. When I get one, it takes 2-3 days to get rid of the thing.
Thanks, Dena. I'll definitely keep that in mind. I don't have a migraine problem yet, and would very much like to avoid one.
On sleep... I got almost 9 hours again last night. I did wake up twice, courtesy of tea and spironolactone. I managed to go right back to sleep, though.
I can understand the reaction of others after a month of bad sleep for me. Reminds me of what two different women said to me when I answered their question on my pant size... I hate you! ;)
Later: I spent several hours with my mother-in-law, helping her around her house. Yeah, a couple lonely older ladies getting together. :) She had made a huge batch of fruitcake cookie dough. (Yes, it's a thing. Fruitcake in cookie form; like lumpy little hockey pucks.) I dug out her cookie sheets and made cookies with her, then fixed a few things, helped with the Christmas Card list, and a few other odds and ends. Lasagna for dinner!
That's my Saturday. I might get together with the visiting older daughter in the morning for coffee, or if not, I'll just head to the local Unitarian Universalist church. I've volunteered for their 'coffee committee', a simple way to be a little more involved.
Monday I've got a slightly extended electrolysis session (2 hrs, 15 min), and then I have to get my car into the shop for a tuneup. New plugs, maybe even replacing the 16 year old wires, to clear a misfire problem.
Life goes on. I'm happier living it as myself.
The holiday party went off without a hitch. No questioning me or my presence, no insults, just me doing my thing. There was a table of door prizes, various useful tools and household items, at which I overheard a funny conversation. Two women in the club were looking at a tool set and talking about how it might be used, and one said something like, "Oh, that's what Mike would use when he was setting up the antenna masts." Me, male, all past tense. I'm not entirely sure the speaker recognized me. :)
I had the shop do a number of things on the car, but alas, none of them fixed the intermittent misfire problem. The idle is smoother, but the damn idiot light came back on about 3 blocks from the repair shop. *SIGH* I'll have them try swapping the coil pack next, and then if that doesn't work, we may have to swap out the camshaft position sensor. Coil packs have been problematic in this model car, so maybe that'll get it.
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QuoteCoil packs have been problematic in this model car, so maybe that'll get it.
I'm still trying to figure out how ridiculously difficult to replace and expensive to purchase coil packs trump 3 dollar spark plugs. ::) Technology marches on :(
Michelle - I just read this entire thread for the first time. Really inspiring and you are a strong and remarkable woman.
I really wished i had journaled more during my early transition or kept a running blog of sorts, like you have done here. Reading it may inspire me to something like that.
Kind wishes for continued success in your new life.
Thanks. I thought it might be interesting to dump most of my real life experience and transition in one place. Other folks like Rachel Lynn did long threads like that, and I found them incredibly reassuring and useful in seeing how things can work out, and what the day to day variations in our lives can be like. I thought I'd do something similar, and perhaps craft a 'historical document' for myself. It's sort of fun, actually.
I just got back from dropping the car off for another round of troubleshooting. Intermittent failures like this one are a real bear to track down. So far, all the work that's been done was really necessary, anyway. The plugs were badly eroded, the original ignition wires were breaking down, and showed signs of arcing, and cleaning certain components periodically is important to avoid longer term trouble. It's still annoying. I have to get this fixed for sure in the next couple of months or the car will fail inspection when I have to renew its registration in April. Replacing the car right now would be both expensive, and incredibly troublesome, as there's a temporary restraining order in place against large transactions without permission of both my wife-departing and I.
*SIGH*
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Hi Michelle,
Good luck with the car... the idiot light means a code is in the computer, and that should tell them what's failing - and should solve the mystery...
Sno
Quote from: Sno on December 14, 2016, 03:26:52 PM
Hi Michelle,
Good luck with the car... the idiot light means a code is in the computer, and that should tell them what's failing - and should solve the mystery...
Yup. I pulled the code, and once again, it was my old friend P0300, "random misfire on one or more cylinders". What it really means is that the sensors spotted a momentary change in RPM multiple times in a short period, a "rough idle", but it didn't match up with any other sensor data. It's a little 4 cylinder engine, so the idle always feels a little rough compared to nice big V8 engines. ;). The cause is a bit hard to identify, unfortunately. We keep hoping it will throw another code. I'm a bit nervous to drive it a long ways in this state, as this problem can take out the catalytic converter. That code would be obvious, expensive to fix, and have nothing to do with the misfire.
The damn thing threw the error about 3 blocks from the shop where they couldn't get it to reproduce. Phil, the owner, is taking another look at it today. In order to pass inspection the car has to have gone at least 100 miles without throwing a code, and meet a few other preconditions that are reported via the OBD-II link.
I think I startled the shop owner when I started discussing the tech side of things in detail. At one point he asked why I was bringing the car to him. ;) I had to explain that I'm a retired engineer.
Gender fun: Since he had to see the car info and my docs, I gave him my deadname, Michael. I was dressed in my usual, boots, skinny jeans, turtleneck and jacket, with my everyday makeup and hair. He has not 'Sir'd or 'Maam'd me once, just using the full first name. I decided he might be erring on the side of caution, so I threw him a bone when I called the shop. "Hi, this is Michael, the gal with the Miata from yesterday." ;) He's been very polite, and we chatted quite a bit on repairs and our approach to handling the problem. (We're in agreement on how to proceed, or the car wouldn't be in his shop.)
Anyway, I dropped the car off there several hours ago, and got in a nice walk and some sitting in a café sipping coffee and people-watching. I've had lunch, and may go for another walk and window-shopping in a little while.
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I don't know. Sounds like if he has an old fashion ignition analyzer which monitors the spark from all the cylinders he could figure out if it's the coil or the sensor. Could be either but I am suspecting it's going to be the sensor because it's the last thing on the list to look at.
yup...if you're throwing uncooked gas into the converter......p0420 will rear it's ugly head eventually. $ouch$
Quote from: Dena on December 14, 2016, 04:16:05 PM
Could be either but I am suspecting it's going to be the sensor because it's the last thing on the list to look at.
Yah. Spoken like a true engineer, Dena. ;)
AKA "It's always the longest path on the decision tree..."
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It's been an OK week for me so far, not great, but OK, except for that damn car.
It's been in the shop twice now. We've replaced the plugs, wires, coil pack, and the camshaft rotation sensor. The problem wouldn't repeat in test drives. I've had the car back a whole day.
Guess what just happened?
Yah. CE light, code P0300. One more time in the shop and I will have spent more on this than the car is worth. Keep going? Sunk cost fallacy there... I love the little car but this is getting to be just too much, to keep a 16 year old piece of metal and hydrocarbons running.
Naturally, this has to happen when I'm under an automatic court order to not touch my investments or funds without permission from wife-departing. Oh, joy. We meet at the lawyer's on Tuesday for more happy fun mediation time. What are the odds she'll let me buy a new car?
Other minor mishaps... Last night at the local rapid transit terminal parking structure, I turned a corner at the entrance, and the next thing I know, I'm sprawled on the concrete, serious road rash on my right wrist and hand, and a heck of a whack on the forehead. I think I tripped somehow. I HOPE that's what happened. Not like anyone else gave a damn. Nothing was lost but my dignity and a few grams of tissue and fluids. Sure hurts, though.
Some threads have recently mentioned dysphoria triggers, and the "dude in a dress" syndrome. That's bitten me recently. The bathroom here has a huge wall-sized mirror over the sink area, that really can't be avoided. I get out of the shower, or use the toilet, and there it is. No, I don't do my makeup in there or anything else, really. When brushing my teeth I turn my back on it. When I have to SHAVE, ugh, that's already bad, so the mirror doesn't make things worse. When I get out of the shower, though, bald, dripping wet, with THAT down there, well, yuck. Old weird dude in the mirror.
I do my makeup at a small vanity, a little magnifying mirror for details and a small built-in mirror for the larger areas. I have a narrow full-length mirror that I use to check my presentation, but avoid when not yet dressed. I'm tempted to drape the bathroom mirror, with just a small area I can uncover while shaving. People will wonder why I'm sitting shiva. Oh, the sad old man passed away...
In my old home, I had redone the bathroom with smallish individual mirrors over the twin vanities in the master bath replacing the wall-sized mirror there for some reason. That was before I was out by several years. Sneaky subconscious again.
And the hair? I'm afraid I've gotten a bit obsessive even in private. I get up, the house wig goes on. The last thing before bed, it goes on it's stand near me. It comes off when I shower, and when I apply and remove makeup (risk of damaging it, mostly).
I've got therapy Tuesday, before the legal mediation meeting unfortunately. Looks like I'll have some things to talk about this week.
On the good side, I'm making friends in the broader community, mostly via the Unitarian Universalist church activities. They did a community dinner this week, followed by their version of Vespers, which felt a whole lot like a group therapy session combined with guided relaxation. Yes, that helped.
Yesterday I was part of a little free speech exercise at the local transit station, where I later had my fall. We were reminding the hordes of happy shoppers (huge regional shopping district, and we were at the busiest intersection) that this is a season of love, sharing, and acceptance of all. Most folks who reacted, reacted positively. A few were disgusted with us. You know how it goes. It was a good experience, though.
I even managed to beat my 10,000 steps goal a couple times last week. Yaaay!
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Did you sense you tripped or could you have blacked out? Any point in the ride thatyou don't recollect? Can't be too careful given all the pharmaceuticals we enjoy. Be careful out there, Michelle.
Michelle,
I'm an academic research cardiologist, ameteur radio operator, former research chemist, ameteur astronomer, obsessed classical music lover, builder of my own exotic stereo gear and all around nerd... with a gender problem. You and a few others on this forum are my heros and inspiration!
Thank you for this thread.
Steph
Quote from: jentay1367 on December 17, 2016, 09:29:09 PM
Did you sense you tripped or could you have blacked out? Any point in the ride thatyou don't recollect? Can't be too careful given all the pharmaceuticals we enjoy. Be careful out there, Michelle.
Oh, yeah. That was one of my first thoughts when I got home, but that few seconds around when I hit the ground are all that's missing. It may have been just the momentary shock. It sure hurt, though. No deep wounds, just superficial road rash. Ow. After I had it cleaned I put a lidocaine gel on it, then dressed it properly. Still, ow.
I'm not on any psychtropics, or anything that can induce drowsiness. I am 63, though. Yeah, this year's 'middle aged'. :o
Oh the mirror issue, that reminded me of an interview I did a few years back.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ya0VbkuyzA&t=183s
OK start at about 2.56mins. Later on we had a set shot of me wiping condensation off a mirror - it was going to be dramatic! As it was filmed we realise I was wiping the mirror with a Merry Christmas T-towel and the camera man who was standing in the shower to film me, tripped over and very nearly did to his camera what you did to your skin.
We re-shot it but I couldn't stop giggling. See about 7.30 min
It is funny looking back, I could talk then and of course I can't talk nowadays, but I have a hell of a sexy croak :laugh: I also had hair which has also suffered chemorad modification!!
Enjoy for a laugh.
Quote"These days, none of the mirrors in Cindy's house are covered."
Um. I guess i'm not the only one. :icon_redface: I should have expected that.
Merry Christmas! >:-)
Idle thoughts, from idle minds... And we know where that leads...
This thread seems to have turned into my transition blog. That's certainly fine with me, as I rather like the idea of emptying my head on transition subjects in one place. I was wondering, though, if I shouldn't bite the bullet and convert many of my posts here into an actual blog of some sort, a published living document of my transition. Or just leave things as is, if The Management and folks on this site like what I've accidentally done here. (The thread should probably be moved somewhere more appropriate, maybe in the Blogs area like King Malachite's thread?)
See what happens when I have a little time to think? ;)
Nice thing about your posting here is that we "the peanut gallery", can chime in at will. Much to your chagrin, I'm sure. But as eloquent as you are, I would certainly enjoy a blog with your musings on this incredible journey we're all on. Hope you didn't mind my two cents.
Blogs are only created with special permission and are very restricted. You are free to take the subject up with Cindy but the thread format you are using is fine. Secondary issue is we can split threads so it's possible at a latter date to dismantle a thread into a blog.
I don't mind keeping this format on a running thread at all. Heck, I welcome the "peanut gallery", as we're all here to learn. I was just wondering if what I'd doing was an abuse of the thread format, but Dena says it's OK, so that's that.
"Never mind!," as Emily Litella used to say.
Meanwhile, here's my Interesting Event of the Day...
During the coffee klatch following services at the UU church today, a woman who I had seen in passing came up to me and said, "Um, I hope you don't think this is too personal, but are you gay?"
Not too personal? :icon_weirdface: Huh. Many people seem to currently equate 'gay' with homosexual male, so I went for my stock quasher, "No, I'm not gay. I'm lesbian."
She took that in stride, and commented that she was surprised I'd say that because to her gay IS lesbian as applied to a woman, cis or trans. OK, now that we have definitions cleared up...
She had approached me because some members of her lesbian social group wanted to invite me to join them if I was oriented appropriately. Well, that was sort of flattering. We talked for a while, and I told her I was a little uncomfortable as a person still transitioning with joining that group, as I was particularly concerned that I might upset some of the members. She assured me that as UU members, all were open and accepting, and that wouldn't happen.
We talked about attitudes of the gay and lesbian community regarding transgender persons, and my concerns with siloing myself with mostly LGBTQ associates.
Right now, in my transition and re-development of my social skills, I feel that I need to make more of a connection with the broader community. If I keep myself siloed off with the LGBTQ folks for most social contacts I worry about the subtle warping of my world view that might have.
I didn't dismiss her outright, but rather indicated that I might be more open to this in a few months as I settle in. Still, this was an interesting and unexpected development today, rather thought provoking, as it caused me to question some of my own internal feelings and direction.
It made this evening's pagan winter solstice ritual look like relaxing entertainment, and a pleasant distraction. Blessed be!
Edit: Just to make sure everyone knows where I'm coming from here, I am already involved with lesbian and LGBTQ groups. (I'm a bit of an activist...). My intent in joining UU is to broaden my social contacts, and make sure I am integrated with the broader community. If I immediately dive into a lesbian social group at UU I feel that I would be defeating the purpose of my joining UU.
In addition, as someone in transition and pre-op, I stick out like a sore thumb, and am readily misgendered. In this state, I do not want to make folks in a deliberately all-female group nervous or unsure. They'd likely bend over backwards to try and be accepting, but I'd be setting off that 'man' trigger deep in the brain anyway (pesky amygdala and pre-optic cortex), which could cause some discomfort.
I'm quite open to joining such a group in the future, once I've settled in, and hopefully seen some changes in my own appearance with time and effort.
*hugs* glad to see your still around and kickin! I was thinkin about you and a few others the other day and decided to pop back in say hello!
Applaud from the Gallery :eusa_clap: :eusa_clap:
I agree and I think you are spot on...yes you need support but I also hear you talking about rebuilding so you also need variety. Diving into the group would have been the worst thing for you to do and I think you made a well thought out smart decision.
This part of Transition is pretty hard not being one thing nor another... ;D
Hugs
Liz
Quote from: ElizabethK on December 20, 2016, 05:51:54 PM
Applaud from the Gallery :eusa_clap: :eusa_clap:
I agree and I think you are spot on...yes you need support but I also hear you talking about rebuilding so you also need variety. Diving into the group would have been the worst thing for you to do and I think you made a well thought out smart decision.
I had therapy today, and you'll be happy to know my therapist agrees with you. Thank you, Dr. Liz! ;)
Quote
This part of Transition is pretty hard not being one thing nor another... ;D
Hugs
Liz
Yeah, it is pretty odd. The folks in this region are amazingly accepting so far. There haven't been any real gender-related speed bumps yet. Oh, I expect that at some point where I least expect it I will get slammed hard, but the other times have been amazingly smooth. Yay SF Bay Area!
The owner of that car repair place had my deadname, which is what I gave him. My license and the car paperwork are all in that name. He scrupulously avoided trying to guess the pronoun, always referring to me by the name I gave him. Never even an odd look or comment. (Sort of takes the challenge out of this.)
My therapist says I'm doing well, and handling my changes well, if at a rapid pace. As I've told her before, when in a session I try to be brutally honest and complete, as it's the only way to pump out my mental septic tank. (There's an unflattering job description for a therapist...) I try to get everything out, and get her feedback, and act on it before the next session. We all know what happens when I dither about, running my head in circles til I go down the depression rabbit hole. (Look at my early posts and threads here. I don't know where I'd be if a couple of other members hadn't kicked my butt into gear.)
This afternoon I had a legal mediation meeting as part of our divorce process. That is sort of the rough spot in my life, but it's pretty infrequent these days. I've got two more session, probably, than we just wait out the 6 month period until the final decree. The hard part for me is that wife-departing will walk out if I show up as myself. So, I appeared in a shapeless oversized bland gray pullover, the Gloria Vanderbilt jeans with a wide belt, and my little black size 10 sneakers, wearing a baseball cap in lieu of hair. I even remove my makeup first. Ick. So, we went through the session, wife there, me speaking with my voice pitched around A3, while the clueless lawyer tried to solve a problem involving equal division of assets, including intangibles like capital gains and losses, while one party retains all real estate and two cars (none of which I want). Hint: Simultaneous linear equations, and simple algebra...
We ended the meeting with me agreeing to write the asset division proposal as a simple text (English, 8th grade reading level), and a spreadsheet with pretty graphs. I'll also have permission to spend funds needed to replace my car. The automatic court restraining orders require this.
Fun times...
I told my therapist that the real life test isn't really a test, it's just more real life we have to get through, just like always.
Now I need to come up with a potluck dish for Christmas brunch. I'm thinking mini chicken-n-waffles... Yum.
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Quote from: Michelle_P on December 20, 2016, 07:12:10 PM
Now I need to come up with a potluck dish for Christmas brunch. I'm thinking mini chicken-n-waffles... Yum.
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...when I think of waffles I think lashing of ice-cream, chocolate sauce and strawberries...chicken is not so much...is this a US thing?
Liz
Quote from: ElizabethK on December 20, 2016, 11:36:35 PM
...when I think of waffles I think lashing of ice-cream, chocolate sauce and strawberries...chicken is not so much...is this a US thing?
Liz
Yeah. A Southern US thing, in fact. It's still delicious! The particular one I'm doing will be a finger food, with a hot and sweet pepper jelly and crisp breaded pieces of chicken sandwiched between two small waffle quarters, maybe 2 inches on a side, and skewered together with a toothpick.
If your e-mail can handle hyperattachments I'll send you a couple. ;)
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Shopping day. :) I went window-shopping for cars, and then I went shopping for a few baking supplies. The clerk kept referring to me as "Miss". At age 63, I'm past 'Miss' a ways, but I'll take it anyway. Stopped for a skinny peppermint mocha :) as a little treat.
I got in 12,677 steps, about 5.5 miles. This also makes me happy, and covered adding that peppermint mocha to the diet for the day.
Tomorrow my 32 year old son flies in for the holidays. He'll be here overnight, then I'll take him up to the wife's place for Christmas Eve. I'll be spending Christmas Eve with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, the two most accepting members of the family in the immediate area.
Sunday morning there's a Christmas service and potluck brunch up at the UU church. I'll be making my spicy chicken-n-waffle bites. ;)
Monday I have an appointment (!) at a new car dealership. The salesman called my cellphone, and when I answered, asked if he could speak to Michael (deadnamed myself, as that will be on the ID and paperwork til my day in court). I answered "Yes, this is HER." Hey, if Michael Learned can be female, so can I. We set up an appointment under one of those 'members only, best possible price' plans my membership in a warehouse store offers. Known to auto dealers as a 'lead generator'. :P We'll see how that goes. I can always walk out. I guarantee it. ;)
Life is good. I'm happy.
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I totally admire you, Michelle!
We are all rooting for you.
I sort of did the same, although not directly because of trans issues, or, if so, they were hidden to me at the time.
In 2010, I up and moved to Thailand and began living life on my own terms.
I found out the same year I'm partially transmale, to my surprise.
If that car deal is a Costco thing, let me know how it went, Michelle. Thanks ....Lisa
Yes, the car deal is a COSTCO thing. We'll see how it goes. This is auto dealership stuff, so I've set my expectations accordingly.
I made a test batch of the spicy chicken-n-waffles. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fuploads.tapatalk-cdn.com%2F20161223%2F422e3b6e8e3792b5083040992d470c5c.jpg&hash=c35e4fe2cd78aca4c15036a25fb04e13b2e8e147)
Liz, try one. The pepper jelly adds a little bite. I left out the jalapeño peppers in the merciful spirit of the season. [emoji8]
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Quote from: Michelle_P on December 23, 2016, 11:58:11 AM
Yes, the car deal is a COSTCO thing. We'll see how it goes. This is auto dealership stuff, so I've set my expectations accordingly.
I made a test batch of the spicy chicken-n-waffles. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fuploads.tapatalk-cdn.com%2F20161223%2F422e3b6e8e3792b5083040992d470c5c.jpg&hash=c35e4fe2cd78aca4c15036a25fb04e13b2e8e147)
Liz, try one. The pepper jelly adds a little bite. I left out the jalapeño peppers in the merciful spirit of the season. [emoji8]
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They Look delish...would love to try one thanks...now if I can just get my local transporter beam to work we will be in business...just give me 5 minutes, got a few issues with my instant transporter...might need some new batteries ... :icon_builder: :icon_builder:
Liz
I made a batch of 30 of the chicken-n-waffle bites. All but two went. I had those for an afternoon snack.
This was the deadliest weekend of the year for waistlines. Dinner and breakfast with my visiting son, Christmas Eve dinner with my mother and sister in law, the Christmas brunch, and the plates of cookies [emoji514]. Oh, so many cookies. I had to taste them all, for quality control, ya unnerstand... I'm back to walking today.
I did my car buying adventure today. I was well-armed, with both the COSTCO buyer plan numbers, and the TrueValue numbers from the Consumerreports.org car buying service. I did the Kelly Blue Book estimate for my trade-in, and also did the 'guaranteed price' car selling thing via kbb.org, where a very detailed evaluation of the vehicle is done. If you're honest with yourself about it, you'll get a number very similar to what many dealerships will offer for a trade-in. (Something about the same back-end software and database ;) )
As I'd heard elsewhere, the COSTCO 'price list' was all in terms of discounts off of invoice price, which is a bit wobbly itself with rebate plans and 'spiffs'. That said, I think I got a very good deal, getting the trade in about 9% above the KBB 'guaranteed price' quote, all the rebates and the COSTCO discount applied to the invoice price, and the one option I wanted added in very cheaply.
On the gender front, I was consistently "Ma'am"d everywhere, no snickering or finger-pointing in front of me, and a very non-hostile environment. Not what I would have expected in a testosterone-fueled sausage-fest like a car dealership. They must have wanted my money... There were only two rounds of "gotta check with my manager", and from pulling into the lot in the Miata to driving out in a new Prius was just under 3 hours total.
When I had to show my license, there was no surprise. I did my usual spiel, "It's pretty out of date. A lot of doctor's appointments since that picture was taken." That got a chuckle. The finance officer just asked in passing if I was planning a name change.
Sometimes I think doing the Real Life Test in this area is playing on the Easy setting. Not that there's anything wrong with that...
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Well done!
I remember years ago when I was about at your stage dropping one of my cars off for service. Of course it was under 'his' name. When I dropped the car in I said I had a name change and was now Cindy.
No s>-bleeped-<s, but when I collected the car there was a bunch of flowers on the seat with a message saying congratulations.
I keep taking that car back too them whenever it needs a service!
I think people in service industry have to be very careful or they will get bitten where it hurts!
Heh. Oh, yeah. The local social support group maintains a list of businesses that are friendly, and ones where someone is hostile towards us. We know which wig shop is OK, and which one has a problematic employee. That information gets passed on to future generations of transgender persons, and the broader LGBTQ community.
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Wow..you are one the most together transgender people I've met so far.
One of them, because there are so many on this forum.
Still, most amazing.
Awww... Thanks! I'm just following the great role models that have stuck around here, though. My secret superpower is being really, really obstinate. Sort of a psychic steamroller...
I had another fun little experience. I had recently switched to an LGBT-friendly doctor at Kaiser. Apparently this doctor actually looks at the records for new patients! I got a message from the doctors office asking me to call them to schedule an overdue preventive checkup.
I called the office and said I was calling in regard to that message. The phone person asked for my Member ID number. I read it, they got the records onscreen, and then I heard in a puzzled tone, "Uh... Michael?" "Yes, this is she." Silence for several seconds...
We went on from there to schedule an appointment for next week. I think I may have just passed on my voice and surprised the phone person with that medical record.
Well, I can hope I did anyway. [emoji6]
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That is awesome! You passed, with just your voice!
I'm in such an odd state today...
I just got home from electrolysis. Ow... Other than that, it went well. I'm cleared on the lower lip and chin, out to about an inch past the corners of the mouth and down to the jawline and around the chin. There are maybe 30-45 minutes of work left on the upper lip, and that will be cleared. The jawline itself is cleared in a narrow band almost all the way out. So, if I stopped now, I could just about grow a scrawny neckbeard and some spotty muttonchops. ::) Not Going To Happen.
I did have a fun weekend after all, marred by just one little thing.
Saturday night I was out with a group of about 60 for dancing and potluck, a New Years Eve party running til after midnight. The catch: This was a "Dances of Universal Peace" event, loosely derived from "Sufi Dancing", and originating with Murshid Samuel Lewis back in 1960's San Francisco. (Yeah, where I grew up. I'm one of THOSE...) It was a fun and energetic way to kick off the New Year, even if not in the commercial spirit of the season. >:-)
Sunday I managed to get to the UU church for what turned out to be a remarkably meaningful service to kick off the new year; all about letting go and finding a way to move forward with life. Yup. Highly appropriate stuff. One of the other women invited me to sit with her, which I did. Afterwards in the coffee klatch I was introduced to some other folks, who invited me to go to a late brunch and a walk. So, there I was with four women about my age, and one older gentleman that was a co-worker of one of the ladies. We just chatted about random stuff. We were at the restaurant for a few hours, and then did about a 1.5 mile walk on a nearby trail.
Alas, older folks do have pronoun trouble with us. A three day beard in preparation for electrolysis probably didn't help. There are limits to what concealer can do, and skin colored bristles are still bristles. All through this I was misgendered 'he', 'his', and so on. I really didn't want to cause a fuss with everyone, especially as we were new to each other and they were kind enough to invite me. I think I may make a name tag for myself:
Hi, I'm Michelle
My pronouns are "she", "her"
Subtle, huh?
Edit: Yay Internets! I just ordered a bunch of buttons online.The stupid misgendering shouldn't have gotten to me, but my equally stupid subconscious decided to chew on it overnight and wake me up feeling depressed and dysphoric. Yuck. I still managed to drag myself to electrolysis. I have plans for later to try and bust this loose.
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 20, 2016, 07:12:10 PM...the clueless lawyer tried to solve a problem involving equal division of assets, including intangibles like capital gains and losses, while one party retains all real estate and two cars (none of which I want). Hint: Simultaneous linear equations, and simple algebra...
We ended the meeting with me agreeing to write the asset division proposal as a simple text (English, 8th grade reading level), and a spreadsheet with pretty graphs.
So, I finished up the Spreadsheet from Heck. Six pages, presenting a Net Worth computation, division of assets calculations, a detailed division of assets, getting into all the IRS nitty-gritty for capital gains, losses, and basis for our DIY retirement funds, a presentation of all the assets reported to the Court, liabilities and their detailed division, and expenditures since separation and the reconciliation of those. :P It felt too much like programming. It's done, though. One more obstacle out of the way.
Now, this evening, our transgender support group has a meetup, and some of us will be heading out to dinner first. That will be nice. I'm thinking that I should maybe violate the rule about no makeup right after electrolysis for once. Oh, I'll still keep clean, do the witch hazel and aloe vera gel, but I may see if I can get away with that as a sealing primer under foundation and bronzer. I think I'd like to kick off the year by taking myself up a notch, pushing my presentation for dinner and the meetup. I think getting my best presentation together might be a good treatment for this bummed out state I find myself in.
Tomorrow will be interesting. My court date is coming up on Jan 13, and preliminary judgements are online for cases through Jan 12. The court is closed today, so no update. I'm waiting to see, on pins and needles. The judge I've drawn has another name & gender change case on Jan 11, and is requiring that person to appear in court with no reason given, rather than the more usual practice of 'approved; no court appearance required,' so that has me a little worried.
Also tomorrow I have my annual checkup, with a new doctor. This doctor is listed as LGBT friendly, so we'll see what happens. I'm due for a colonoscopy this year (eeep!), so I'll very likely max out the high deductible plan again. That would make this a good year to get a trach shave, FFS, and GRS... (Also, before transgender care coverage gets dropped from policies after certain proposed changes in the law go through.)
I guess I'm still keeping busy. ;D
Whoa!
Unbelievable what you ladies have to go through.
I am reminded to count my blessings.
But I don't know how you do it.
I'm really obstinate, stubborn to the point that I can be a bit of a steamroller to perceived obstacles, even myself.
I got my presentation together for last night. I want out with a bodycon top, pencil skirt, leggings, and boots. I managed to surprise myself. Not too bad for a 63 year old broad...
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fuploads.tapatalk-cdn.com%2F20170103%2F72cc20b8ee6dcecefb42efeca2f30f72.jpg&hash=2abd769be6ad4d1d66cbed89ca08b5a9f7c9d744)
Yeah, a night out like this helped shake off the dysphoria a bit. Now I just need to find some older women interested in dating me... life later this year might get interesting. [emoji77]
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Well you look great!
Have you tried visiting a gay bar, or joined an online dating forum?
Sadly, many people in those places can be somewhat intense, so maybe you could try gay group activities, if such things are available where you live.
Quote from: Raell on January 03, 2017, 08:33:57 AM
Have you tried visiting a gay bar, or joined an online dating forum?
Sadly, many people in those places can be somewhat intense, so maybe you could try gay group activities, if such things are available where you live.
Both good ideas. The meetup last night was at a local club, but our little group were almost the only patrons. Monday nights are quiet. The other LGBT bar in town caters to a loud male clientele, probably not the best place to try. ;)
Online dating is not going to happen. I am not interested in putting myself in the situations that all too often result from that in my little part of the world. (It rarely seems to end well, between fraud, con artists, losers, and crime here.)
I'm active with some LGBT groups, not quite the same thing, as most of the folks are much younger than me. Once I get settled in here socially with the broader community, there is a lesbian group that includes more folks my age that I will likely join.
I'm deliberately making an effort to establish social contacts beyond the LGBT community both for my own social growth, and my activist tendencies to try and convince the world that we're just more nice folks, with unusual backgrounds,
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You look awesome Michelle, really cute!
Thanks. I'm still having 'attitude problems' today, though. I've gotten hit with the 'You are being selfish' meme from several directions today.
Oh, silly me. Deciding to continue living and making others ever so uncomfortable with my existence., rather than doing the socially sanctioned thing some 'religious' folks tell me I should do and off myself, or have myself institutionalized and drugged out of their sight.
Mustn't offend the transphobes and their delicate sensibilities.
Stuff 'em. I'm here, I'm trans. Get used to it.
Time to get out of the house and offend someone. It is the way of my people. ;). I just need to raise some Heck.
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L.O.L. yeah! Get out there and make some jerks uncomfortable! Woman after my own heart.
LOL! You go, Girl!
Oh my God. This story is just so triggering. No wonder I've been putting off reading it for so long. It has so many echoes of my own journey of coming out and being me. The rejections, the indignities, the refusals to give an inch. The anger. The humor. The tears. And the wins too. You may even have a book here. I think you do. And I haven't ever read thru half of it yet. But it's good writing. It's a good thing your doing.
Stay positive. I know you do.
Sorry, I didn't mean for this to be triggering, Jane Emily. I just wanted to somehow record my whole transition just for my own record, and in the hope that sharing all this daily trivia and the background of my slower changes might help someone else earlier in the process. I got a lot out of reading some of the other very long threads about transitions, like the one Rachel Lynn has been doing, and want to try and pay it forward.
That's what this thread is all about for me. All the little stuff and the big stuff that makes up Real Life. Welcome to my Real Life Experience. :D
I was just thinking that I might wear that outfit from Monday night to my next group therapy session, just for fun. "See, I wear skirts and dresses sometimes. Can I have my surgery now?" ;)
This was another busy week, punctuated with the usual down and up moves. I had a doctors appointment on Tuesday, and managed to add some travel complexity while feeling downright cranky. I got an e-mail from someone that knows wife-departing, and it was a little offputting, the usual junk about making selfish choices. I don't think I'll bother replying. Maybe I could make a donation to one of the Transgender support organizations in their name just to make their junk mail interesting. Then, I found the car had spray paint on it. Brand new, too. Being new it had a nice shiny coating on it's finish, and I got some of the paint off. I dropped the car at an auto detailer to finish up, while I took the local rail transit to my doctors appointment. In the rain. With wind. Yuck.
The doctor was one of the officially LGBT friendly ones in Kaiser, and being fairly new, still had patient openings in her practice. Yay! She's really nice, easy to talk to, and managed to give me an exam without too much embarrassment, other than the inevitable prostate check. (I've had problems there in the recent past, alas. I'll never be free of that poking.) I may just get back to her to see if she can connect me with the Kaiser Multi-Specialty Transitions Center, for coverage of electrolysis and a few surgeries I think I'm going to need to get past this damn dysphoria.
The ride back was cold and wet, then on the train, crowded. Evening commute time starts early. I got back to my stop, walked over to the car detailer, and the car was ready as promised. "Sorry that happened to you. No charge, ma'am." Huh? They cleaned that junk off at no charge? Wow! OK, they've got all my future car cleaning business.
Wednesday I went over to visit with my mother-in-law. I did some more little fixups, installing a low voltage outdoor lighting system so she wouldn't be going up and down the outside stairs in the dark, getting some banking information pulled together for her taxes, opening a mystery trunk she and my sister-in-law had found in one of the back rooms, and a few other odds and ends, just keeping her company. She cooked lunch and dinner for me, and sent me home with enough leftovers for another 4 meals. (Seriously. Damn. I left with a grocery sack full of 'leftovers'.) Totally accepting of me, and not even any misgendering. Pretty darn cool for an 86 year old.
Also on Wednesday, a preliminary judgement was posted by the Superior Court in the case of my name and gender petition. "Petition Approved. Proposed Order Submitted. No Appearance Required." I think I'll show up in court anyway, just in case, and to hear the name read in court officially. I have to go to the courthouse at noon to pick up the order and file it anyway.
This morning I paid closer attention to my feelings, as I've noticed that I often feel 'off' until I'm dressed, including hair and makeup. I posted some of this in the "mirror dysphoria" thread. https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,218431.msg1933752.html#msg1933752
It feels like I've been lost, that odd sensation we get in a strange place when we lose track of our position, don't see any landmarks, and start to worry. When I saw myself in the mirror fully dressed, hair and makeup in place, I found myself, and there was a palpable sense of relief. Yeah, more dysphoria.
We all know what cures dysphoria. Shopping! I needed a few odds and ends, so out I went. I tried a new wig shop that some friends had recommended. Good supply of stuff, many familiar styles and construction. I asked about a lace-front heat styleable wig with a certain type of cap. I mentioned the brand and model I was wearing. I got this hilarious spiel about how these were Chinese-made, of inferior quality, while all of her wigs were the finest European products. I picked out a lace-front wig with a cap and hair design that looked... familiar... and looked closely. Yeah, all the tags had been clipped out, but it was clearly a Hair U Wear "memory" cap (identical to mine), kanekalon fiber wig, finer than the model I was wearing, bit a similar length. "European" my arse. At least the price was right. I don't know if I'll bother going back there though. Besides the spiel, the darn thing smells faintly like cigarette smoke. I'll wash it before I style it anyway.
Besides the hair, I hit Sephora to resupply on a few goodies I was running low on. Nobody even gave me a second glance there. Probably all transfixed by the shiny, shiny products. ;) The staff was friendly and polite, as usual. I took a coffee break, read some posts, and then went grocery shopping. With nasty weather coming, I tried to lay in enough stuff to last me till Monday. Home again, fresh leftovers for dinner :) and then it's time to pay the bills and catch up on my e-mails.
Tomorrow I'll be putting in a few hours to prep for my next class. I need to build some props for that one. A meeting of that amateur radio club I'm president of is coming up next week, so I need to assemble an agenda. I've also got to get a few more forms ready for my name change, and I want to get new checks with my new name ordered. (I don't get them from the bank, so there won't be any problem ordering them this way. I'll deal with the bank after I have the order in hand.)
Wow girl,
Fantastic post, love the outfit and be proud of yourself.
As for socialisation, I love Art and many members of the Art community are Queer so it is a lovely community to join in for gallery openings, new exhibitions, talks and such events.
So sorry to hear about your car!! Jeez that really annoys me.
Be very aware of your surroundings and take vigilant care for your own safety, jerks like that have no mental capacity to understand.
Michelle, you look wonderful. 63 is just a number.
LOL! Loved your post:
The idea of donating "to one of the Transgender support organizations in their name just to make their junk mail interesting" is a great one!
I love how the garage staff realized the graffiti had been a hate crime and showed solidarity with you (and perhaps protesting Trumpites) by cleaning your car for free!
I love how you helped your mother-in-law despite controversy, and she understood, and not only rewarded you, but also never misgendered you..thus showing both solidarity and approval!
I also love this quote: "We all know what cures dysphoria. Shopping!"
Well, for MtF people anyway..I hated shopped, and it used to give me such strong dysphoria that I'd ask my husband to do it!
With the derris scandens, which seems to blend my genders, I can now shop some, and even wore some beautiful new Thai crocheted, lined blouses to work this week, since we have to wear black or white while teaching, for one year, to mourn the Thai king.
It almost scared me to look in the mirror. I usually dress androgynously, even at work, but these lacy blouses were almost like dresses, and I looked stunningly beautiful and femme (my male side's opinion), yet didn't feel dysphoria.
I startled the Thai staff at the new school, though, who expected me to behave differently than I did, and after seeing me dash up and down the stairs, walk to the school from the main road, zoom around the huge school grounds getting to classes, bounding up onto chairs to hang teaching aid posters, playing lively ESL games with the kids, they cautiously asked my age, then kept saying how surprised they were that I'm so "keng reng" (strong, vigorous). So far, perhaps because of my lacy clothes, nobody yet has mentioned what all the other schools realized, that I'm no female, but closer to what they call a "tom."
Aw, thanks, everyone.
To be honest, transition and starting a new life on my own may be the best thing that has ever happened to me. All my life I've really lived with others, trying to meet their expectations. At home with my brothers and parents, at college in shared housing, in the military on subs, and married life for almost 4 decades. Three months in an apartment on my own is the first solo act I've ever done.
And I'm doing it as ME![emoji76]
Life is actually pretty good. I have to admit that transitioning in the San Francisco Bay Area is playing the Real Life Test on the EASY setting, but that is how it should be for all of us.
Love for all,
Michelle
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that is so great to read.
Quote from: Michelle_P on January 06, 2017, 12:55:07 AM
Sorry, I didn't mean for this to be triggering, Jane Emily.
No, no no. Don't be sorry. I get triggered by everything these days. Movies. Books. Documentaries. TV commercials. It must be the estrogen.
It really is a great read.
Quote from: Jane Emily on January 04, 2017, 03:46:16 PM
You may even have a book here. I think you do. And I haven't ever read thru half of it yet. But it's good writing. It's a good thing your doing.
I think most of our stories would make good reading , with all the drama we have had to deal with in our lives! Michelle expresses herself so well when she posts so writing it all in a book might not be a bad idea! :)
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Good book? Probably. Problem is it's a pretty small target demographic. The people who seem to do best with these books appear to have had some notoriety for other reasons prior to telling their story. We are a curiosity. But not enough to make the mainstream take the time to read about our journey.
i dont want to shift the thread from Michelle but just to say this, bios maybe not, theres plenty and everyones pretty well knows the premise these days but theres a new breed of trans writers out there creating new different kinds of stories that include trans characters now , so , no , maybe not bios per say but look at " transparent" " boy meets girl" ect... theres still much to share thats unique and special about our lives!
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Quote from: jentay1367 on January 07, 2017, 11:46:38 AM
Good book? Probably. Problem is it's a pretty small target demographic. The people who seem to do best with these books appear to have had some notoriety for other reasons prior to telling their story. We are a curiosity. But not enough to make the mainstream take the time to read about our journey.
Exactly. I will have more readers here, in this thread, than I would likely get through publication. As a bonus, I won't need space to warehouse a few thousand unsold books.
The posts here serve the trans community better than something on the back shelf of a bookstore, or buried among the half million or so self-published books on Amazon. And here, we are interactive!
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Spent the majority of my working life in the book biz and around publishing. Vanity Presses have laid waste to many a nest egg and or inheritance. Plenty of "would be" Author's garages will attest to just that fact. :(
Quote from: jentay1367 on January 07, 2017, 07:42:13 PM
Spent the majority of my working life in the book biz and around publishing. Vanity Presses have laid waste to many a nest egg and or inheritance. Plenty of "would be" Author's garages will attest to just that fact. :(
Yep.
We are just about finished cleaning out the in-law's house. My father-in-law passed away 18 months ago, and was a bit of a hoarder. He had published several books on drugs and alcohol back in the 70s (not self-published; a major publisher), and we kept finding boxes of remaindered books, author samples, and such. Interesting how much he had hung onto.
I got all my paperworky tasks done, I think, and now I get to go have some fun. A couple of gals I've met here are celebrating their wedding anniversary at a concert of a popular folk singer, and they have invited me. Music, conversation, and pleasant company awaits!
A few days later...The music event was great, lots of fun. I got home tired and happy.
Sunday I went to the UU services, and the following coffee klatch. There I met someone interesting, a member of the choir who was also a singer with the San Francisco Opera. We just chatted about a number of things, and then she suggested I join the choir. Huh? I told her I can't sing or read sheet music, and she just said, "Can you breathe?" She thought they could use another alto.
OK, I had to look that up. "The second highest part in four part music." Uh, wazzat? "A low female singing voice; a contralto." Oh. Low... "...in the range of G3 to F5..." 196 Hz to 698 Hz...
Oh! That sounds like my target pitch. And an opera singer says I'm hitting it. [emoji4]
I've got that lecture to do in less than 2 weeks now. I've been rehearsing, and think I'm hitting mostly around A3 fairly consistently. I still have to avoid the drooping pitch at the ends of sentences. Old male habits die hard.
I had two and a half hours of electrolysis today. The mustache is gone except for some immature whispy little gray hairs. More of the lower chin below the jawline and along the jawline is clear. Yaaay! I e-mailed Kaiser about getting coverage for electrolysis, and they kicked me back to my primary care physician. So, I asked him about getting electrolysis covered. Waiting...
I'm cranking out different financial scenarios for asset division for our divorce. This generates lots of paper. Apparently in legal practices nothing is real unless it is on paper in three copies. I've taken to carrying a messenger bag full of file folders and printouts to the legal meetings. I have one tomorrow. [emoji19]
Also tomorrow I'll be chairing a business meeting of that amateur radio club. Another interesting first for me... I don't expect any problems, though.
Real life experience indeed...
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Michelle, this is exciting reading, especially as I'm just getting started on my own journey.
One thing, with the name official, don't forget to modify your ham license!
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Michelle, I am very happy for you. Your social assimilation is working out very well.
Quote from: Rachel Lynn on January 10, 2017, 06:40:11 PMYour social assimilation is working out very well.
Resistance is futile. Sorry, couldn't resist. :) It seems appropriate, too.
Seriously, Michelle, I love reading this thread. Your strength is inspirational.
Michelle,
Now that Rachel Lynn has had successful GCS with the bulk of her struggle behind her, it seems you are the heir-apparent as early transition blogger. You join the ranks of the heroic ones. I agree with KathyLauren, your persistence and strength is inspirational.
I am sure you have had your share of tough times and tearful moments but your ability to approach the tasks at hand with optimism, complex and challenging as they may be, is nothing less than a beacon of hope for those of us that still struggle with the question of how to confront the question of transition.
Thank you, Michelle; thank you!
Steph
Aw, shucks... [emoji4] Flattery will get you anywhere.
Rachel Lynn's long running thread was really helpful to me, seeing just what the experience of someone ahead of me was in dealing with relationships, life, and such. I'm just trying to pay it forward, recording how my life is progressing in detail, against the broad canvas of transition. I don't think of myself as strong, as much as obstinate, very stubborn and persistant.
Speaking of which... Now that I switched primary care docs at Kaiser to an LGBT-friendly doctor, I sent the doctor a message inquiring about having Kaiser's Multi-Specialty Transitions center re-evaluate my eligibility for electrolysis coverage. The doctor contacted MST, and a few hours later MST sent me a message that a dermatologist was assigned and would be in touch in a few days. Progress! Just keep poking until a pathway appears...
Outside the lawyer's office, my wife handed me a letter from the therapist, addressed to "Michelle P..." at my old address, the ex's residence. She had opened it. Naturally... Her only comment was that I needed to have my mail sent to my place. The letter was just an appointment reminder, rate schedule, and the usual therapist agreement.
Oh, just wait til she gets wind of the name and gender change! What? I haven't told her yet? Yeah, that would be terrible for a spouse to do. For someone who was tossed out, and told by my spouse that she couldn't have anything to do with this trans stuff, not so much. She made it none of her business.
The legal meeting with my ex and the lawyer went exactly as expected. The lawyer wanted to know how I came up with the percentages (he kept calling them percentiles [emoji849]) to divide the assets that were not explicitly divided. I started to explain. that there were just two simple linear equations describing the variables, and I solved for the intesection. He wanted to hear none of that. So, he decided to 'check' my work, writing his own spreadsheet to add up the figures and see if he got the same sums. One of the panels in my Numbers spreadsheet did this as a check. So, he billed us for 1.5 hours while he putzed around with writing a 3 column 12 row Excel spreadsheet. And he still got the answer wrong, courtesy of bad rounding. At least we all finally agreed on a division percentage for unassigned assets after 2 hours.
Then he asked about support payments. Did either of us want them. I said that I did not intend to ask for alimony payments. [emoji8] I haven't had a paycheck in 9 years. My wife was working last year, bringing in a small amount from a part time job. She decided she didn't want to ask for payments either. A wise choice...
I was late to the pre-meeting pizza dinner due to terrible traffic abd nasty weather, but a couple folks offered me extra slices from their take-home pizza so I wouldn't be sitting around for 30 minutes waiting. Then, off to chair the meeting. We had a poor turnout, only 17 members due to terrible weather. We got most of the way through the meeting when there was an emergency activation, courtesy of flooding, that a couple of folks would have to roll on. I finished up, and we all went home or to activation points. Yuck.
No issues about my presentation at the meeting. My treasurer, at 71 years old, still keeps accidentally 'Sir'ing me, which I poke fun at immediately. When the "She/Her/Hers" buttons arrive, I'll keep them in my pocket, and each time I get misgendered, I'll pull one out and pin it on. Subtle passive-aggressive hinting....
I don't have much of anything beyond Costco and Trader Joe's grocerry runs to do Wednesday. There's a UU class Thursday evening, and then Friday, Happy Fun Time at Superior Court and the Social Security Administration. Oh boy. At least the result should be good.
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Michelle,
Not intended as flattery, rather a heartfelt thank you for you example.
On something of a tangent (no pun intended), the mathematically illiterate lawyering front, I share your frustration. Seems to me I learned how to solve system of 2 simple linear equations in about 8th or 9th grade.
The other one that drives me mad is the common usage of "variance" to mean the difference between projected to actual in budgets and the like, having no inkling what variance actually means in statistics. Percentage vs. percentile... Jeeeze!
And for this and a failed attempt at Excel, what, at least $300/hr.?
So, now you see why I hold you in such high esteem. You keep your sense of humor and optimism.
Steph
Dealing with the lawyer was interesting. Very expensive entertainment, to be sure, but interesting. I found that I had to exercise quite a bit of self-control to avoid grabbing his keyboard and fixing his spreadsheet or beating him about the head and shoulders with it. I was already incredibly uncomfortable, with dysphoria from the mis-presentation and rising discomfort and depression lapping at my ankles. Think of it as an opportunity for personal growth.
At one point, when he was having trouble figuring out how to print the spreadsheet, I generated a set of PDFs on my laptop, put them on a flash drive, and passed them to him. He printed them, and then pulled the flash drive without 'ejecting' it in Windows. Surprise, surprise, his computer hung, and he immediately demanded to know what sort of things I had hidden on the drive. (The drive was freshly formatted on a MacOS machine just before I put the PDFs on it.)
*SIGH* 15 billable minutes later we had his computer up and running, he found the Post-It with his password, and I showed him how to recover his Excel spreadsheet.
I'm tempted to invoice his office for the support time and maybe my spreadsheet time. That would probably just mess up the divorce process, though, and we'd have to start over with another lawyer.
Oh, I checked the FCC license management system. It lets me type in my new name and submit it as a change to my amateur radio license, no questions asked! So, I did. Now to see if it goes through, or if it gets flagged in the gummint computer labyrinth.
Grocery shopping awaits! Time to wander the aisles of Costco...
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W00T! The first name change has come through, a day early. At the Federal level, even!
My newly revised FCC license:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1249.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fhh504%2FMichelle_Paquet%2FRedacted%2520License_zpsqyutrusa.jpg&hash=3103d5548163edf00394b1d9dbaabb03405aa0a8)
Great news. X
ahhhhhhhh....the confirming joy of affirmation. Good on ya, Girl!
Quote from: Michelle_P on January 02, 2017, 05:35:48 PM
Alas, older folks do have pronoun trouble with us. A three day beard in preparation for electrolysis probably didn't help. There are limits to what concealer can do, and skin colored bristles are still bristles. All through this I was misgendered 'he', 'his', and so on. I really didn't want to cause a fuss with everyone, especially as we were new to each other and they were kind enough to invite me. I think I may make a name tag for myself:
Hi, I'm Michelle
My pronouns are "she", "her"
Subtle, huh?
Edit: Yay Internets! I just ordered a bunch of buttons online.
And they are here, just in time for my court date in the morning. I won't wear them in the courtroom, but once I have that order in hand...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170113/12832ceedf4528d346ec20cb25b817e1.jpg)
Passive-aggressive much?
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LOL!
My experience with lawyers already showed me that I have to do the legal research myself, then present my findings and a list of things to do to the lawyers, for them to do it.
Their IQs seem to average under 100.
The last two times I needed a lawyer, including my uncontested divorce, I simply downloaded the paperwork and forms myself, went to court, settled my case myself and saved myself a few thousand dollars.
The last time I did that, a lawyer in the back of the courtroom flipped out.
Angry lawyer: "I went to law school and she can just DO THIS HERSELF?? Where did you get the legal forms?"
Me: "I downloaded them from the internet."
Angry lawyer: "How did you know how to file them?"
Me: "I googled it."
Ironically, my ex-husband now wants to transition to non-binary female, then wants us to get back together. I already googled a pile of legal links for her on how to legally accomplish this in her state.
I'm at the courthouse. The hearing is over.
My petition was granted. The State now recognizes me as Michelle, a female person.
I'm in the queue to file the court order and get certified copies for the various bureaucracies. Later today I'll be queuing at Social Security. Then the DMV.
It feels unreal somehow. Like I'm in shock. [emoji15]
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Congratulations! I can't even imagine how that must feel
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170113/4379446562e31bec028ddbebbeec8ce7.jpg)
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Congratz!
Congrats! That's awesome news.
Congrats Michelle, be happy you live in a civilized State.
California.....lovely for so many reasons!!
I will have to have GCS to accomplish the same feat here in the land of hatred and ignorance. :'(
Congratulations Michelle, that is so amazing. I can't even imagine the excitement and relief you must be feeling right now.
Fantastic, super happy for you. X
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I think I just set some sort of record.
The judge had a couple of other name change petitions this morning, and called us all forward, to be seated at the Petitioner and Respondant tables. He then signed the documents, passing them to the clerk, who did something with the computer system and then handed us the documents. He told us to take them downstairs to Filing, get them recorded, and get certified copies. (Nothing unexpected there.) In at 9:00, and out with my court order recognizing me at 9:08.
I had the order filed at once, and got my certified copies, embossed with the court seal and stamp, and signed by the Clerk. By 10 AM I was home. I put the car away, grabbed my prepared materials, and added the court order copies. Time for a little walk to the Civic Center.
At 10:30 I was in the Post Office queue, and by 11 (they ARE the post office...) I had posted a packet to the Department of Vital Records, by priority mail, that should arrive Monday. That one requests the birth certificate under the new name and gender, and seals the old certificate.
At 11:10 I had checked in at Social Security and was in their queue. At noon, my Numident record had my new name and gender inserted. Off to the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV).
At 12:15 I was in the DMV queue. At 12:30, they rejected my paperwork, due to a blank 'Case Number' field in the doctor's form. Kaiser doesn't seem to actually have case numbers, after calling them, but my Medical Record Number would do. Yay cellphones. OK, I fill that in and get back in the queue. Eventually a really nice older woman calls my number, and we chat while she gets the system to open up the name/gender change screens. A manager has to sign the forms, and then unlock the screen so the clerk can enter the new information. At 2:08 PM, I have the traditional bad photo taken, and I am out the door.
Five hours from gavel strike to being done with the Birth certificate, Social Security card, and Drivers License. The SS and DMV cards will be here within 2 weeks. The birth certificate takes a few months, but everything is filed and in process before any administrative rule changes might happen.
Time for a lunch break... Or something...
Over the moon? Elated? Excited? Oh, you bet! I am definitely going to celebrate this event. I don't know how, just yet, but it will happen.
I've been reading this forum for quite a while, and de-lurked after my crash last year. I remember reading the stories of others, as they worked their way through transition and achieved so many goals that seemed unreachable to me.
Coming out to family. Starting HRT. Going out in the world with proper presentation. Getting that first makeover. Going full time. Getting their names and IDs changed.
It all seemed so unreachable a year ago. Now, with the help and support of all of you, I've done it. I have to pinch myself. It's real. I've actually done it.
Thank you, everyone. Thank you so much for your support.
And for folks reading this and seeing this as unreachable, well, it is not unreachable. Baby steps, a little bit every day , slowly building your confidence, and it can be done.
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Way to go, Michelle. You are definitely a lady who doesn't like to waste time!
Wow, Michelle!
I must say I'm totally impressed..
You must feel like you're walking on air right now. Be sure to let us know how you celebrate this.
Awesome, I am very happy for you.
I still need to go to SS office.
Wow Michelle, that's truly awesome. I'm sure I speak for many when I say you have been an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your story.
Wow. Thanks, everyone! But, to be honest, I had a lot of help on this. My endocrinologist decided to waive her own (restrictive) policy in response to my request. My therapist likely was involved with that, too. TheOakland Transgender Law Center https://transgenderlawcenter.org/ was tremendously helpful, with their informative book on doing this in California, which included links to the government web sites, links for court forms, and sample letters and forms to guide me:
Federal: http://translaw.wpengine.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/ID_Please_FINAL_7.25.14.pdf
State-by-state birth certificate changes: https://transgenderlawcenter.org/resources/id/state-by-state-overview-changing-gender-markers-on-birth-certificates
Changing California and Federal ID (what I followed) http://transgenderlawcenter.org/issues/id/id-please
I just followed the cookbook. The results came out fine, so far.
I had a lot of support from Susan's Place, from the gal who helped me draft my 'Coming Out' letter, to the advocates who helped me get through the Kaiser 'system'.
It's a team effort. Thanks, Team!
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That is great, must be a huge weight off your shoulders having legal ID. I will start planning that process next week...You keep moving ahead step by step :)
Hugs
Liz
Oh, goddess, yes! With proper ID I can safely travel, and soon I'll have all my accounts and cards in my proper name. This is such a relief, not having to out myself on simple transactions, and knowing I can travel as myself.
This may have been the best week of my transition so far.
A number of folks at the UU church knew I had the court date on Friday, and had asked me to let them know the results. The whole congregation there has been amazingly supportive. Oh, and if you haven't noticed by now, I'm out and an activist. I know I'll never be able to go stealth, so that's not an issue. So, I did a couple of things.
During each Sunday service there is a "Sharing of Joys and Sorrows", from a book we can write in before the service. Often we hear about deaths of members, or folks moving away. We hear about births, and marriages, and all manner of life events. I thought my legal validation might be suitable for celebration, so I wrote in the book:
QuoteOn Friday morning the California Court decreed that I am Michelle Jean P., a 63 year old female person. I exist!
This was read, while I stood in front of the congregation and lit a candle.
Remember that scene at the end of Star Wars where the Princess hands out the medals? Yeah. Like that. I turned toward the congregation, and they were standing and applauding. I was grinning ear to ear. I wish I could have bottled all that affirmation for any bad days ahead, but at least I'll have the memory.
Oh, and after the service, I signed The Book, the book of membership. This is the sort of club I want to join. That means I get to vote on policy and plans, and will also be giving them money. (No change, I've been doing that.)
I'd say I had a pretty positive day.
Tomorrow I've got another electrolysis session, and after that I am heading over to my mother-in-laws. This one will be interesting. My youngest daughter, who lives with my ex-wife will be there to meet me for the first time.
Unfortunately, I can see a certain influence. I've gotten a text informing me that there will be no touching or hugging. Presumably we'll wave to each other.
We'll see how it goes.
A new Community Circle discussion group (A UUC thing) starts up on Tuesday morning, and I'll jump into that. More social connection opportunities!
Thursday a group of us may be getting together for lunch and to see "Hidden Figures", something on my list of movies I want to see.
Friday I've got my
Physics and Antennas lecture I'm presenting, probably to 60-70 people.
I guess I'm having a real life now. ;)
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You are so inspiring, Michelle!
I copy/pasted the links you mentioned to my ex-husband, who says he plans to move to CA and transition to non-binary female this year.
So happy for you, Michelle! And getting your license on the same day, talk about #goals. :D
Wow! You are such an inspiration and joy! Thank you for sharing your journey and congratulations on the legal name change etc. Awesome!!!
Quote from: Michelle_P on January 13, 2017, 04:58:20 PM
I think I just set some sort of record.
Five hours from gavel strike to being done with the Birth certificate, Social Security card, and Drivers License. The SS and DMV cards will be here within 2 weeks. The birth certificate takes a few months, but everything is filed and in process before any administrative rule changes might happen.
How about your passport?
Until Jan 20, you can change the gender marker with nothing more than a doctor's letter. The new administration is promising to rescind that on day 1.
(When I got my official copies of my name change -- which took about 2 weeks from when the order went through, NYS bureaucracy -- I walked down the hall and immediately applied for my updated passport.)
Quote from: Asche on January 16, 2017, 10:23:29 PM
How about your passport?
Until Jan 20, you can change the gender marker with nothing more than a doctor's letter. The new administration is promising to rescind that on day 1.
(When I got my official copies of my name change -- which took about 2 weeks from when the order went through, NYS bureaucracy -- I walked down the hall and immediately applied for my updated passport.)
I already knew that I wouldn't make the deadline. They are so backed up right now! Processing wouldn't start until after the 20th, and I won't have a photo ID until after then.
The current plan is to get the California driver's license and birth certificate, which will both show my correct gender and name, with nothing referring to old me.
That gets me the photo ID showing my current appearance required for the DS-11 filing. Beyond that, I just have to hope for the best.
In other words, I fully expect to be denied my constitutional right to travel. It won't be the first time the US government has done that to me. I couldn't get a passport for several years after a certain government job I had.
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On the passport thing:
There is a requirement for a photo ID with current presentation as primary or secondary ID. The new California drivers license should cover that. I can use that with the existing birth certificate, court order, a medical letter, and the DS-11 to get a new passport.
The current medical letter I have won't work because the doctor didn't use the exact language specified in the State Department regulations. She swears all is correct under the laws of California, for example, rather than the United States, and doesn't use the exact phrases regarding medical treatment that State wants. I will attempt to get a version from her that meets the regulations.
As a backup, I have my old deadname passport, and worst case I can do a little makeup work and go on a nice overseas vacation, say, a month or so in Thailand, passing as male. Postop I can probably qualify for a new passport even under the expected revised regulations.
But, yuck.
I did meet with my youngest daughter, age 25, at my mother-in-laws last night. I got stared at of course, and then she decided to vent for a while.
"Do you think you are being selfish?" (Hint: the only "correct" answer is YES.) I made the mistake of defending my need to come out and transition. This was a mistake. That meant the conversation was all about me, a sure sign I was being selfish.
*SIGH*
I was also charged with not making any effort to contact her. You know, the person that rants at me, doesn't pick up, and doesn't respond to texts.
:(
The rest of the evening was civil, at least. My poor mother-in-law had gone to some trouble to get daughters favorite foods, and provide us with some time and privacy in her home. My daughter was pretty abrupt with her, not even a thank you.
I'll probably still call and text her. I'm pretty annoyed right now.
As a capper on the morning, I walked 30 minutes to a meeting that was supposed to take place this morning with several others. Nobody else showed up.
I think I'll go over to the Kaiser office to get my name and gender marker updated and get misgendered by the staff for a while. Always a fun time there.
Gah...
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Quote from: Michelle_P on January 17, 2017, 01:11:28 PM
On the passport thing:
There is a requirement for a photo ID with current presentation as primary or secondary ID.
This is news to me.
I simply used my old passport (which still had 2 weeks to go) and an official copy of the court order, plus a doctor's letter. Didn't even show my driver's license. They took them, and I got the new passport 2-3 weeks later. Fortunately, I'm getting my hormones from an LGBT clinic who is very familiar with the ins and outs of gender change letters, so the letter said all the right things in the right way.
My AMAB child (pronouns: they) got a new passport with the letter F, but had a little more trouble since they didn't have
any current picture government ID. (
Still hasn't gotten a new learner's permit or non-driver ID. They're 26 years old -- going on 2 -- grumble, grumble, grumble.)
Quote from: Michelle_P on January 17, 2017, 01:11:28 PM
"Do you think you are being selfish?" (Hint: the only "correct" answer is YES.) I made the mistake of defending my need to come out and transition. This was a mistake. That meant the conversation was all about me, a sure sign I was being selfish.
Yes, you are being selfish. And it's ok to admit that. But you
need to be selfish. It's either a selfish parent, or a dead parent. I hope she understands that someday.
Quote from: Asche on January 17, 2017, 02:02:33 PM
This is news to me.
I simply used my old passport (which still had 2 weeks to go) and an official copy of the court order, plus a doctor's letter. Didn't even show my driver's license. They took them, and I got the new passport 2-3 weeks later. Fortunately, I'm getting my hormones from an LGBT clinic who is very familiar with the ins and outs of gender change letters, so the letter said all the right things in the right way.
Then consider yourself lucky. The clerk who accepted your paperwork didn't follow the official rules. The procedure for Gender Designation Change (https://travel.state.gov/content/passports/en/passports/information/gender.html) is clearly stated on the State Department website:
QuoteID that resembles your current appearance
If your old passport had your old [male] photo, then it's not acceptable identification.
When I submitted my own paperwork for my passport, the clerk pulled out a big binder with all the rules. She followed them to the letter. She made a photocopy of my new driver's license and included it in my application.
Michelle
You are my hero.
As for your daughter, it wouldn't matter if you transitioned or not..that's how daughters are with their moms, apparently.
If she saw you as her dad, she would likely fawn on you.
My daughter has been rude to me since puberty, even though I was the one who stayed with the family, working several jobs while I got my Masters after her dad ran off with a younger woman to reward me for putting him through medical school and raising his kids. Her dad is perfect, and fawned on, despite his refusing to pay child support, constantly breaking his promises to her, and in general acting like an irresponsible jerk.
Throughout middle school and college, whenever she had a chance, my daughter stole money from my purse, jewelry from my room, kept driving my car during the night when she was in middle school until I caught her at it, even now screams at me, ignores me and recently mocked me for claiming to be partially transmale, calling me a "loser." I only realized I am transmale three years ago, so this is new issue.
Actually, after that last one, I backed off and only contact her now in a routine, detached manner. No more mentioning anything personal.
My cis female friends tell me that their daughters are the same way, though, and only call them when they want a free babysitter. My own cis parents stayed together and adored my siblings (not me..apparently disappointed in my lack of cis female behavior), yet my siblings still tried their best to have them involuntarily committed to a nursing home while they were still healthy and capable.
My divorced friends say kids in general act out like that after a divorce..usually attacking the stable parent who stayed with them.
Quote from: Michelle_P on January 17, 2017, 01:11:28 PM
"Do you think you are being selfish?" (Hint: the only "correct" answer is YES.) I made the mistake of defending my need to come out and transition. This was a mistake. That meant the conversation was all about me, a sure sign I was being selfish.
Strange how the parent becomes the child and the child becomes the parent. Maybe you should ask when you will be old enough to make your own decisions in life without her permission.
All things being equal and then remembering the old adage that there are three stories, his, hers and the truth...or in this instance, hers, hers and the truth. Based on previous posts by you, I tend to side with your perspective since in previous posts, you're always so sentient, honest and sane. So I'll say to you, this too, shall pass. In the not to distant future, only she (Michelle) will confront you in the mirror. All the walls will have tumbled and your adversaries will recognize your resolve and will become your allies, friends or in some instance....distant memories.
Your character is quite commendable....your resolve formidable and your intelligence, well, undeniable. A born leader, to be sure.
Our community needs all of you we can garner. So thanks for sharing your journey and being here to shepherd those that find themselves lost in the wilderness. Our lives are all enriched by your presence. That's a simple fact. Keep...going....till...you....reach....your...goal. In relative terms, it appears to be very close, and of course, we're all fans of the indomitable Michelle . All my very best as always....Lisa
@Dena
LOL! Good one.
Wow! This week flew by. More electrolysis, group therapy in the worst storm of the season, my movie date, and presentation are all behind me.
Next up, Saturday's double march, in Walnut Creek, then over to San Francisco, and Sunday, I'm the cleanup person at the post-service coffee klatch, and then the semiannual congregational meeting.
Electrolysis: Somethings changing... I am now growing out the upper lip stuff for 5 days so Jodie will have enough length to work with! Is the growth slowing, or have we just used up all the fast growing follicles and are down to the slowpokes. Either was it is progress!
The therapy session was 60 miles away, in the worst storm of the season. Yuck. Not fun. And only two of us showed up, with the other gal living in that town. Oy. Darn close to a private session, that was. Still, as always it helps.
I met up with four women from the UU church for lunch and a movie. We went to a chain place, Corner Bakery, which was interesting. They had a sort of triple combination salad thing, which is nice when I couldn't decide what I wanted. ;) We spent a good hour and a half 'eating lunch', mostly conversation about where we lived, who we divorced, favorite things. At one point the conversation drifted into my trans nature, which made me a little uncomfortable. I tried to answer a couple questions as best I could and get the discussion off that topic. (I really don't want to make any conversation 'all about me'. Sort of offputting to some other folks.)
The movie was "Hidden Figures", which was just amazing. I couldn't help but think of my sisters situations around the country when they showed that poor gal running a half mile to get to the nearest bathroom she was allowed to use. May those days never return for any of us.
My tech presentation went really well. I was using a new version of my slides in Keynote (like PowerPoint...), and a new set of props, which always carries a risk of glitches, but there were none. There were lots of good questions, and nobody fell asleep.
I tried something new to help with my voice, a personal amplifier I found on Amazon. It has a little boom mike on a headset frame, wired to a speaker/amplifier that clips onto a pant pocket or waistband. Rechargeable, small, light, and fairly loud. It made it easier to get through an hour presentation without my voice falling to pieces. Oh, I'm certain I didn't hold A3, but I didn't collapse out of alto or a mess of vocal fry. I think I was clocked by one person, a younger woman who was looking at me pretty intensely, but the bulk of the audience, older men, were behaving like I was a typical female. [emoji23]
I came up with a neat way to cut foamboard sheets into hinged quarters that fold into a small package. I used that to build some signs for Saturday's Women's March 2017 event. I'll be marching here in Walnut Creek with some of the UUC folks, and then head over to San Francisco for the big evening march, hopefully with some friends. New administration, so we need to remind them of life outside the Beltway again.
Real life is an experience!
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You really had an eventful week. It sounds like you are making a lot of new friends :)
Michelle, I can relate to the slower hair growth. When I began electrolysis about a year ago, I would only need two to three days growth for my technician to work with. Last week I gave it a full five days and they are asking that I do six days next time. This is probably a result of seven months of hrt. I have found that all of my hair is slowing down; leg shaving is now every two to three days rather than the daily routine it had been. - Anne
Sounds like a very busy and interesting week! I hope the Women's March went well for you, as well as the upcoming week.
The marches went very well. We had some good presentations by local speakers at the kickoff rally. In San Francisco, we had speeches by a lot of folks, including Ruth McFarlane, and Julia Serrano ("Whipping Girl"), who gave an excellent speech. It was a cold, rainy, windy day, and I'm still damp and cold hours after getting home, but I am definitely glad I did it.
I'm going up to four hours weekly on electrolysis starting Monday. I'm doing a biggie of a push to get as much zapped as possible before it all goes slo-mo on me and I wind up with lots of hair and a once-a-week shave. Oh, by the way, my beard is a bit of a dysphoria trigger, if you hadn't noticed... ;)
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A friend of mine took some photos at my Friday evening presentation on "Physics and Antennas". This is one of a series of tech talks I do. This one lightly touches on everything from Maxwell's Equations, to Hertz Dipoles and the popular Yagi-Uda directional antenna.
Yeah, maximum physics nerd...
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Aw, you look gorgeous! I love your hair. Glad to hear the marches went great for you.
Aw, thanks!
So, I had my four hours of electrolysis today, with a lunch break halfway through. My upper lip is clear except for some tiny little bits that were too small for the probe. There was a few minutes of cleanup on the lower lip to chin, which has been free of hair for a while, and another inch or so was cleared back away from the mouth and above the jawline.
With all of that, I could just barely grow a pair of straight sideburns and a scrawny neckbeard now. That's 59 hours in The Chair so far. It's progress.
For lunch I decided to treat myself a bit. The diner has something they call a Cheeseburger Salad, an entree sized salad topped with everything from a cheeseburger [emoji488] except the bun. It's served with about a half cup of Thousand Island dressing on the side, which I barely touched. Overkill, that was.
While at lunch I got a message from the Kaiser Permanente facility in town that my medical letter was ready. After the afternoon electrolysis session I zipped over to Kaiser to get the letter. Yes, the endocrinologist had followed the form of the State Department sample letter! I have a letter that the Passport Specialist will accept.
That's the good news. The bad news is that the old school endocrinologist decided to select the phrases for the letter that will get me a passport good for two whole years. F&^%&%*^$%*^ gatekeepers. Goddess, I hate dealing with Kaiser and their pathetic excuses for transgender care. I wish they'd put the effort into actual care that they put into their PR puff pieces.
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Quote from: Michelle_P on January 24, 2017, 12:17:39 AM
So, I had my four hours of electrolysis today, with a lunch break halfway through. My upper lip is clear except for some tiny little bits that were too small for the probe. There was a few minutes of cleanup on the lower lip to chin, which has been free of hair for a while, and another inch or so was cleared back away from the mouth and above the jawline.
With all of that, I could just barely grow a pair of straight sideburns and a scrawny neckbeard now. That's 59 hours in The Chair so far. It's progress.
Four hours? I can barely stand it for one hour, even with lots of anbesol creme, and it takes several days for the red spots to go away. You must have a much higher tolerance for pain than me.
I envy you if 59 hours is enough to make a noticeable difference. I've been going 1 hr/week for a year and a half and I still can't see much difference. My WAG is that it will take 5 years (250 hours.) My electrologist won't even hazard a guess.
The thing about doing "just" an hour or even 30 minutes a week is that new hair follicles are waking up, going into their active growth phase, almost as fast as hairs are being removed. We won't see progress until we almost exhaust all of the follicles in a region. That can be frustrating.
My electrolyst does something interesting. When I started with one hour, then moved to two, she concentrated on a small area below the lip, and cleared it in a couple sessions. Just a little clear patch. Then, in each succeeding session, she would re-clear the patch and expand the edges slightly. At around 25 hours in, the area from the lower lip to just above the chin was cleared, AND was staying cleared between sessions, needing just a quick cleanup every few weeks. Having that little cleared area to touch, to wake up to every morning was a touchstone, a marker of things to come to remind me that, yes, I am improving here.
At four hours a week I hope to have much of my face cleared soon, although I will have hours of weekly 'touchup' to remove newly awakened follicles for a while.
It sure as heck isn't comfortable, but neither is the severe dysphoria I have around my facial hair. (Hardly the only thing, but bad enough I can't stand to see my face in the mirror without my makeup and wig in place.)
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I got the new drivers license last night, and promptly scanned it in. :)
Then, I started changing credit card names. They want to see the scanned license, of course. Ah, then there's the COSTCO/Citi card. I send Citi the info and request a name change, but I need to make sure the COSTCO side matches. Thus, a little COSTCO run this morning.
I went to the Member Services desk with my COSTCO/Citi card and new driver's license, and said that I needed to correct my name and get a more current picture, passing over the license and card. The poor clerk enters the card number, looks at "Michael J" on the screen and "Michelle Jean" on the license, and says, "Wow, How could they have messed this up so badly?"
"Oh, I changed the name."
She looks back at the card and license. "Oh."
"And a few other things, too."
"Uh. Right. Just a sec...", followed by furious typing.
I got the new picture taken for the COSTCO card and the back of the Citi card, and the clerk fired a request to update the name off to Citi. Done.
With the card changes, the credit reporting agencies will very shortly have my new name, and my current credit status will be attached to the name, less a temporary ding for name changing. Name verifications that use the credit agencies (banks and the ACA insurance exchanges do this) will then work.
Fun times.
I've got a meeting with some folks about activist things coming up, and then the ham radio classes (teaching, already have my Amateur Extra license) are running tonight. I probably won't get to dinner until 10 tonight. Before I started RLE my therapist had wanted me to get a part time job, as she was worried I'd be just hiding in the apartment all day and would have no social contacts. Um, not so much...
Kickin' butt and takin' names. I wouldn't want to get in your way, Michelle. Get steamrolled and wouldn't know what hit me....l.o.l. Congrat's!!
Quote from: Michelle_P on January 26, 2017, 04:00:44 PMI went to the Member Services desk with my COSTCO/Citi card and new driver's license, and said that I needed to correct my name and get a more current picture, passing over the license and card. The poor clerk enters the card number, looks at "Michael J" on the screen and "Michelle Jean" on the license, and says, "Wow, How could they have messed this up so badly?"
"Oh, I changed the name."
She looks back at the card and license. "Oh."
"And a few other things, too."
You know, Michelle, you can totally just let the reality that's presented to you stand as is when you've been gendered correctly. Take it when you can get it, I say.
"How could they have messed this up so badly?"
"Nobody's perfect," *shrug*.
Um. The person with the keys to my credit card account is holding my new drivers license and my old card, trying to reconcile the differences and figure out if I am scamming or making a valid request. That is not a great situation to play it coy in.
I'll also note that I am an obnoxious activist. ;) Not stealth, not planning on going stealth. Also not willing to put up with people "Sir"ing me as a stupid "You don't fool me" passive-aggressive schtick, so I think I've got all the bases covered.
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Quote from: Michelle_P on January 27, 2017, 12:47:11 AMUm. The person with the keys to my credit card account is holding my new drivers license and my old card, trying to reconcile the differences and figure out if I am scamming or making a valid request. That is not a great situation to play it coy in.
Oops, I missed the "Citi" part of that Costco card -- I was thinking it was just a membership card at Costco.
*facepalm*
Ah, now that, a simple membership card, would be a situation I could have some fun with. I'd try ever so hard to do my best breathy Marlyn Monroe imitation and play dumb [emoji2].
Goddess, I need speech therapy work, though. I have the pitch but none of the vocalisms. That's a big tell, unfortunately.
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It's not a matter of playing it dumb, though. If anything, it's a matter of playing it wise.
"How could they have messed this up so badly?"
"Everyone makes mistakes."
Which is absolutely the truth. Our parents made mistakes, society made mistakes, hell we ourselves made mistakes -- except for the lucky few with the presence and perseverance and luck to transition at the age of 6 -- and the Universe sure screwed up along the way, too. (I have a theory about this which I'll get to, though I'm probably mistaken.)
So, in general, when the Universe starts to seemingly course-correct, go with the flow. Mistakes were made. In that moment, what is the truth? You are female, and this new reality is the one that prevails -- if someone messed up that badly, it means that what's on the driver's license is true. And what's in that clerk's head is true. The vast majority of people people that the essence that makes someone what they are is unchanging -- so if you're female now, you've always been female, and the mistake that was made was simply a clerical error.
I'm saying maybe they're right.
Let this new reality wash over you.
And drown in it.
I know that speech is a problem for me at times. I have adopted the speech patterns of a friend from Georgia and that helps keep me on track. It sure softened some of my 'Canadianisms'!
Well, I sort of suspected this one was coming.
My ex-wife (not finalized yet) just had cataract surgery, and my youngest daughter, living with her, is helping out. I called and texted her when the surgery was going on to see what was happening. Eventually I got a terse text reply, "She's fine."
I thanked her via text and asked if they were still at the hospital or at home. No reply.
Later I texted "I was sort of wondering why I get no response most of the time, and when I do it is very terse. I gather there is some sort of subtext here."
I pretty much got blasted with her feeling overwhelmed, upset about the divorce, and that since I don't live there any more it is really none of my business, and I can't be upset as I don't live there any more. Sort of a rant at me, again. She finished by telling me she wouldn't respond any more and would reach out when she's ready.
I found out through my mother-in-law that my daughter only met with me there because her therapist had insisted on it.
She's pretty tight-wound right now, and I just hope that the passage of time will help her heal a bit. She's pretty tight with my ex, what with living there and all, and there is both shared animosity and considerable blame for me that can't be dealt with rationally.
I did talk with my older daughter last night for about a half hour, and we got along very well. She's been out of the family home for about 12 years, though. She filled me in on my ex-wife's status, doing fine and healing up.
I e-mailed back and forth with my son, out and living on his own for 14 years now, and I'll be flying to his town in about a month and a half for a weekend visit. (He has stayed overnight here a couple times.)
So, not everything is all rosy in RLE-town. Still, I have more to be happy about than not.
Today I worked some on my other hobby, amateur radio. I prepped about 100 assorted examinations for our next class and testing session in March, which took quite a while, and got my shortwave station back on the air, assembling a Frankenstein's Monster of a compact antenna (ham-stick and counterpoise on a 2nd floor balcony), and managed to work a station in Wyoming on the 40M band.
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Yes, it is a useful distraction and keeps me from running my head in circles about my ex-wife and daughter.
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I'm sorry to hear about the situation with your youngest daughter and ex-wife. From what I'm gathering, your relationship with your son and eldest daughter is nice? I'm glad to hear about that, at least.
The radio stuff... You inspire me. Just to do any hobby. You're such a busy woman!
We take our wins where we can find them. More good in that broth than bad from an outsider's perspective.
I do try to keep busy! And yes, there's more good than bad in my life, by a long shot.
I couldn't go back to my old life just to make a couple of people who have treated me as they have less uncomfortable with me. I once told them that would make a lovely epitaph on my early grave; "At least he didn't make us uncomfortable.
We had a congregational meeting today, including votes on sanctuary actions; not sheltering people in the church (no shower, for example, wouldn't work well), but participating in a support network for disadvantaged and persecuted folks. I made a little speech, related to the current environment and changes I see coming,and the apprehension the first week of this new administrations actions produced. I pled for them to take a position in support of those who are or will be targeted.
Quote
This is only the first week. There are 200 more weeks in this administration. The supporters of these orders, and there are many of them, will demand more. The people want their circuses.
Just as happened 80 years ago, the populist authoritarians will give their supporters what they want. The darkness is coming again.
All those seen as alien, different, non-traditional are at risk. I am at risk. Will you walk through darkness with me?
It doesn't matter what you think of this. I just wanted to point out that I'm not letting being transgender get in the way of my speaking my mind to others. I see too much shyness or timidity in our community.
Anyway, after the vote (unanimously in favor), I was invited to one of the members homes for lunch. Just three older ladies nibbling and yakking away.
Socialization continues!
Later: And then there are the Compleat Buzzkills. I went back out to use an ATM to deposit some checks and get out cash for Monday's dinner with the social support group. Afterward I thought I'd stretch my legs a little and go for coffee.
On the way, in the crowd a couple is moving toward me. I hear, "Oh, is this that guy?" from the male. Then he looks straight at me, smiling, and says "Hi, there!"
I glanced toward him and kept moving, hoping it was someone behind me. I wish. I think they may have seen me at church when I did my little speech.
I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it, and thought he was being friendly, but damn, "Oh, is this that guy?"
Ah, well. Eight months of HRT, three of RLT, with my half century of behavior and speech still not unlearned, what should I expect?
Like Ashley says, Onward we go!
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Quote from: Michelle_P on January 29, 2017, 05:47:49 PM
Anyway, after the vote (unanimously in favor), I was invited to one of the members homes for lunch. Just three older ladies nibbling and yakking away.
That sounds awesome!
Quote"At least he didn't make us uncomfortable.
That would be funny if it weren't the option that many a self involved
friend or family member wouldn't opt for, given the opportunity. :'(
I sounds like you are doing well with the exception of you youngest and ex. I am happy your two older children support you :)
A little late to the party but congratulation on getting back on the air, 40M contact, judging from the frequency, on LSB to Wyoming on a Hamstick is not bad. I'm guessing the PVC pipe enclosure is a common mode choke.
Glad to have you back, the hobby needs more women.
Steph
Hi, Steph! Yup, 40M to Wyoming from the SF Bay Area isn't bad at all. And the PVC thing is indeed a common mode choke. I want to keep the RF on the balcony, and off the rig and microphone, something too many hams forget to do (and wonder why they get bad audio or even RF burns!).
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Quote from: Michelle_P on January 29, 2017, 05:47:49 PM
On the way, in the crowd a couple is moving toward me. I hear, "Oh, is this that guy?" from the male. Then he looks straight at me, smiling, and says "Hi, there!"
I glanced toward him and kept moving, hoping it was someone behind me. I wish. I think they may have seen me at church when I did my little speech.
I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it, and thought he was being friendly, but damn, "Oh, is this that guy?"
Ah, well. Eight months of HRT, three of RLT, with my half century of behavior and speech still not unlearned, what should I expect?
Like Ashley says, Onward we go!
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We seem at times to mirror transitions, I made a post years ago that I had been 'insulted' at an Ikea store when I was casually walking along and a morbidly obese couple coming towards me said "OMG that's a man!' (or something similar and loud enough to let others hear), it angered me.
I stood in front of them and said something along the lines of. "I'm a woman with a birth defect and doing something about it. You are morbidly obese and maybe you should do something about that!"
I am 100% certain I was not that polite :laugh:
You are going great Michelle, loving your posts.
Cindy
Quote from: Michelle_P on January 29, 2017, 05:47:49 PM
I once told them that would make a lovely epitaph on my early grave; "At least he didn't make us uncomfortable.
Nicely put...I love it...can see that on a bumper sticker in rainbow lettering...Perfect. Sounds like the socialisation is going well. I keep telling myself "I am still a work in progress and like any great piece of art this will take time" kinda works :) :)
Liz
Oooooh! Cindy strikes again! That one is definitely a keeper. "...and I'm doing something about it. When are you?" I like it.
Liz, I may just try to get that line down to a button to wear. It's a good one.
I'm just sort of idling online between electrolysis sessions today. I just had lunch, a bacon 🥓 cheeseburger [emoji488] salad 🥗. Yes, it's a thing. I did leave off the cup (8 ounces) of thousand island dressing. That would be overkill. America, home of the 900 calorie (580 sans dressing) salad
Urp!
The waitress remembered me from last week, amazingly enough. No doubt my girlish figure impressed her. [emoji849]
I've got another couple hours in the chair coming up, and then I'll head home to clean up and get ready for an evening out with my social support group. We're trying a new (to us) Italian place. Breaking in a new wait staff...
I suspect I may breach the calorie barrier today...
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You are absolutely, positively AMAZING! A force of nature. I am soooo envious of your strength and determination.
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Dori, I'm just really stubborn. Or something... >:-)
Our Italian dinner with the girls went well. The place was really good. We had a corner of the dining room to ourselves, with a low partition partly isolating the area. The girls all had fun, the staff was polite and efficient, and the gnocchi with prosciutto and mushrooms was out of this world. I took half of it home for Tuesdays dinner.
I had a 1-1 with my 'retired' therapist on Wednesday. She thought I was doing well, and we kicked around the misgendering and figured out it was my voice. What? I thought Miss Piggy sounded pretty feminine, and I sound like her, so....
Speech therapy? Moi? Hrmph!
Anyway, she called Kaiser MST to grease the skids for me, and now I will call in and 'self-refer', a fancy way of saying I'd like a little help here, please.
I just cleaned the apartment, handled a bunch of paperwork, and started organizing stuff for tax returns today. Oh, joy. In the evening I headed up to the UU church for a midweek guided meditation and community sharing they call Vespers, followed by a community dinner and a bit of sign-making. We'll be out showing solidarity with a local mosque tomorrow that has been on the receiving end of some unfortunate activity.
I spiffed up my Facebook and LinkedIn profiles a bit with my recent public speaking and activist stuff, and culled a few 'friends' on FB that weren't.
Saturday I'll be heading to the Two-Spirit Powwow at Fort Mason with a friend. Dancing, drumming, costume competitions, all should be interesting and fun stuff. I'm looking forward to this. Sunday I'll be working the coffee service at the UU church after services, and I may drop in on some other activities. Monday I've got four more hours of electrolysis, in two sessions split by lunch. (Bacon cheeseburger salad again, or perhaps something different? Decisions, decisions...)
Real life goes on...
The Two-Spirit Powwow was amazing. A drum circle of all women is a rare thing at these events, but here there were TWO of them. The drum had been specially blessed. My friend and I had a great time at the event and poking about North Beach afterward. We even had a nice light dinner out, at Original Joe's, an old fave of mine.
This morning I did my blood draw for the usual stuff. I'm curious if after 8 months estradiol is finally above the normal male range. [emoji849] One nice thing that happened; all the sample tubes and my medical record said Michelle P. on them! At last!
My credit cards with my name have arrived. No more deadnames in my purse! That's worth celebrating right there. One tall latte, please. (I'm easy...)
Update to keep all my HRT numbers together:
I started with:
Testosterone 620 ng/dL
Estradiol < 50 pg/mL
At 1 month in:
Testosterone. 251 ng/dL
Estradiol. < 50 pg/mL
At the 3 month point:
Testosterone 7 ng/dL
Estradiol < 50 pg/mL
At the 6 month point:
Testosterone 6 ng/dL
Estradiol < 50 pg/mL
At 8 months in:
Testosterone 7 ng/dL
Estradiol 115 pg/mL
...estradiol levels are widely variable throughout the menstrual cycle:
Mid-follicular phase: 27-123 pg/mL
Periovulatory: 96-436 pg/mL
Mid-luteal phase: 49-294 pg/mL
Postmenopausal: 0-40 pg/mL
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It's Friday night and I ain't got nobody... Except all you good folks! Yay us!
I had another good week. The blood work from Sunday's draw looks good, I now have detectable estradiol levels, and I am pretty happy with the results for the other stuff being checked.
My Monday at electrolysis went OK, and I got invited to go on an overnight beach party trip, which I thought was pretty neat. (No worries, it will just be a fun activity.) Monday night I had dinner and hung out with my social support group, talking to some new folks I hadn't met before. This makes for a nice low pressure evening for me, very relaxing.
I spent much of the week just working on putting test and course materials together and preparing for a two hour class on Thursday night. The class went well, I think. I had lots of props along, and worked fairly hard to make sure I explained some of the more abstract concepts in multiple ways, that would make sense to most of the students. Props are alway handy in perking up interest with the folks in these technical classes.
Today I was going to meet up with some folks for lunch, but they never showed. Ah, well. I had lunch on my own, and did a bit of shopping. I needed some new mugs, and wanted a lighter, more spring-themed scarf. (I have a thing about scarves...) I did some window shopping for fitted jackets and boot-cut pants, but didn't find anything appealing. Picky, picky, picky...
Tomorrow I'm a student in another class up at the UU church, followed by some time with my mother-in-law helping her out and hearing about her Hawaiian vacation. Sunday I'll be up at the church again, and perhaps get in a nice long walk. Monday is electrolysis day, and I may be having lunch with a friend between sessions.
Real life goes on...
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Quote from: Michelle_P on January 29, 2017, 05:47:49 PM
Anyway, after the vote (unanimously in favor)
Good for you! You seem to bring hope with you wherever you go. I'm sorry to hear about all of the trouble with your family. I just overnighted a letter to my mother, and will be calling her tomorrow to bring her up to speed (one of my sisters is driving up to be there while she finds out about me). This will be the last of my immediate family to know, and I'll be ready to start the process at work. You've been such a beacon for me and I'm sure so many others. I sure hope that it comes back to you a hundredfold!
Erin
Quote from: Dayta on February 10, 2017, 11:06:05 PM
Good for you! You seem to bring hope with you wherever you go. I'm sorry to hear about all of the trouble with your family. I just overnighted a letter to my mother, and will be calling her tomorrow to bring her up to speed (one of my sisters is driving up to be there while she finds out about me). This will be the last of my immediate family to know, and I'll be ready to start the process at work. You've been such a beacon for me and I'm sure so many others. I sure hope that it comes back to you a hundredfold!
Erin
Wow, Erin, I hope that goes well with you. Mom would have been rough for me, but I think she would have ultimately been accepting. Dad, not so much. They both passed away many years ago, though. My mother-in-law is effectively Mom to me now, and the divorce action will not affect that relationship.
I'm glad you will have one of your sisters along. A bit of support for both of you when going though this will be nice. Good luck tomorrow!
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Quote from: Michelle_P on February 05, 2017, 05:50:58 PM
At 8 months in:
Testosterone 7 ng/dL
Estradiol 115 pg/mL
...estradiol levels are widely variable throughout the menstrual cycle:
Mid-follicular phase: 27-123 pg/mL
Periovulatory: 96-436 pg/mL
Mid-luteal phase: 49-294 pg/mL
Postmenopausal: 0-40 pg/mL
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Hey Michelle, CONGRATULATIONS !! Your body has finally decided you are a girl too. It's got to be nice to have it finally confirm what your mind has been telling it for years !!
I almost felt guilty that my first blood test said I was a girl after 6 weeks. But then I only started with T at 370.
When I look at your picture it's hard for me to believe you've only been on HRT for 8 months. You look so polished, confident. Reading your other accomplishments and trials in your journey are an inspiration to me as are several other ladies here.
Well anyway Michelle congrats again.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Quote from: JeanetteLW on February 10, 2017, 11:26:39 PM
Hey Michelle, CONGRATULATIONS !! Your body has finally decided you are a girl too. It's got to be nice to have it finally confirm what your mind has been telling it for years !!
I almost felt guilty that my first blood test said I was a girl after 6 weeks. But then I only started with T at 370.
When I look at your picture it's hard for me to believe you've only been on HRT for 8 months. You look so polished, confident. Reading your other accomplishments and trials in your journey are an inspiration to me as are several other ladies here.
Well anyway Michelle congrats again.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Thanks!
It was more a matter of pushing on my very conservative endocrinologist than anything in my biology. The adjustment that made the estradiol level finally rise above the male range was only made about 10 weeks ago, so most of the changes I've had were simply from suppressing testosterone (which inhibits certain cells in breast tissue, for example) and seeing the changes that produced with minimal estradiol. I could definitely feel the effects of the recent adjustment with a few days.
The improvements in appearance are largely due to some advice from Harley Quinn and Angela at Sephora, who helped me work up this 'everyday look':
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,217010.msg1921004.html#msg1921004
Of course, the whole Real Life Experience thing has been a confidence builder as well, discovering my fears and worries were mostly unfounded, and most people just don't care who I am. I live in a region that is largely accepting. I'm fortunate, in that I am essentially playing this transition on the "Easy" setting.
I've also got a great support system, between my therapist, my electrologist (damn near a second therapist; our sessions are interesting that way for each other), Susan's Place, the social support group, and the local Unitarian Universalist Church congregation. I really think a support network of some sort is crucial for transition and the real life experience in particular.
My birth certificates arrived yesterday. There is nothing on them that indicates they are a revision, or a new, modified version. They are scans of the old 1950s forms, printed onto the modern 8 1/2 x 11" gravure printed and serialized sheets. Curiously, the Department of Public Health preserved the appearance of the old birth certificate while correcting the name and gender fields. Thank you, California!
There it is, right on the paper. The official record of Moms first born child, her daughter, me. It feels so strange to look at this document, its reflection of the past, and think of Mom back then. Was I really that little infant? Was Mom really that young? I can't even imagine my father as a 22 year old.
Mom always wanted a daughter. I hope she's happy with me.
There's a sort of profound, yet very Twilight Zone feel to this. I'm looking at a record from another reality, a world where I was born whole and consistent. That's a lot to live up to.
One funny tidbit... At the coffee klatch after UU church services, a woman commented that she had 10 scarves at home, but didn't know how to tie them, so I showed her a couple of simple ways to wear them, with basic weaves and knots to look nice.
I do believe I am being socialized as a woman these days. ;)
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QuoteI'm looking at a record from another reality, a world where I was born whole and consistent. That's a lot to live up to.
Oh.....l don't know about that, you're a pretty classy broad right now ;). Looks like it's only gonna get better.
Quote from: Michelle_P on February 12, 2017, 07:47:40 PM
My birth certificates arrived yesterday. There is nothing on them that indicates they are a revision, or a new, modified version. They are scans of the old 1950s forms, printed onto the modern 8 1/2 x 11" gravure printed and serialized sheets. Curiously, the Department of Public Health preserved the appearance of the old birth certificate while correcting the name and gender fields. Thank you, California!
There it is, right on the paper. The official record of Moms first born child, her daughter, me.
Congrats on receiving your new, correct birth certificates Michelle. Looking forward to the day that I can finally change my docs over, too.
Quote from: Michelle_P on February 12, 2017, 07:47:40 PM
My birth certificates arrived yesterday. There is nothing on them that indicates they are a revision, or a new, modified version. They are scans of the old 1950s forms, printed onto the modern 8 1/2 x 11" gravure printed and serialized sheets. Curiously, the Department of Public Health preserved the appearance of the old birth certificate while correcting the name and gender fields. Thank you, California!
Woo hoo! Look at you, all official and stuff! I just got my passport today, so your inspiration lives on in many of us. Thanks and keep up the progress!
Erin
Hey, Erin! The government admits we exist! That means that we are real! 8)
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This is interesting... My youngest daughter, age 25, the one that doesn't want me to contact her, has decided to follow me on Facebook. As she's not a 'friend' in the Facebook sense she won't see very much. Still, it is an interesting move on her part.
Michelle,
I would view that as good news. Perhaps she is curious and feels a need to know. It could indicate a desire on her part to understand and as such an opening of the door she closed.
Hoping for the best possibility.
Hugs'
Jeanette
I had an exhausting day. Too much driving, but some interesting developments.
My first appointment of the day was with my endocrinologist. She was happy with the numbers, my condition was fine, etc... She then noted that I had moved. Last October, but yeah... It takes a while for the address change to percolate into the system. Since I had moved, standard practice was to shift my care to a doctor at a new local facility. I had shifted my primary care to an LGBT-friendly doctor at Kaiser Oakland. My endocrinologist wanted to do the same. Sounds reasonable, so I agreed.
She also noted that my old therapist in her office had retired (to private practice, but I didn't say anything about that), so they weren't doing trans care at her office any more. OK, I figured that. She said she would see what she could do.
I was getting an early dinner between appointments when my phone rang. It was the scheduler at Oakland Kaiser Multi-Specialty Transitions (MST), the big trans care clinic, calling to set up my intake endocrinology appointment for next week. Huh? OK, sure. It seems my new endocrinologist is the MST director. This sounds promising.
The scheduler verified my speech therapy appointment, and then asked if I was interested in their other services. Other services? You mean, like GCS and FFS? Yes, please! So, I have an appointment with a therapist there in a month to start lining up GCS and FFS. I know I'll have a wait for the time on HRT and the year of real life experience, but that's OK.
This was one surreal phone call.
Then, some 60 miles from home, with lovely traffic, I had my monthly group session this evening. Me and one other person from my old group, a bit small, but what the heck. That went well, and I got a bit of help in dealing with an oddball personal issue that had cropped up yesterday.
Finally, a long drive home, and here I am. Yow. So many unexpected developments in one day...
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Dang! Michelle,
I believe congratulations id in order! Several kudos in fact.
Congrats on all the positive changes that came your way. I hope it is all smooth sailing for you here on out.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Sometimes there are not-so-good days. Today was one of them. (Ashley, this will sound awfully familiar... Be forewarned.)
Today I had just one activity on my calendar, a meeting. With a lawyer. And my ex-wife. :(
And, that means I had to present as a male. :P No wig, man-glasses, man-clothing, man-shoes. I'm sitting there with an oversize jacket covering my chest, and a baseball cap over my buzzcut remaining hair. (It feels a little like a wig, and calms me a bit.)
Two hours of being HIM again. My head hurts, I feel nauseous, and I'm trying not to curl up in a ball. Dammit.
I'm really hoping this was it. We just signed the financial settlements, waivers, and whatnot, so if it all goes past the judge, we'll just have to meet to transfer the investment and bank accounts and I'll be done. That will be a relief.
I think I may celebrate with an eyebrow threading and ear piercing. It is the way of my people... ;)
There was one piece of black humor to come out of the day. The lawyer wanted to notarize the documents then and there. Um. ID, please. Ooookay. I passed him my drivers license, with my dear transphobic wife who I haven't told about the name change yet sitting next to me. He took it as I started to say that there had been a revision. He looks, and says "Oh, yeah, your hair is shorter." The ID photo looks like my avatar. He starts to fill in the notary entry. "Huh, your name is spelled different. Michelle, not the Michael he knows.
He just holds the ID so my dear wife can't see it, and fills in the entry, "Michelle P. known personally to me as Michael." He didn't say anything else about it, which was actually pretty awesome.
I was supposed to go out to a meeting of an amateur radio club, but the idea of spending the evening with a bunch of old men alternately staring and misgendering me is not appealing at all.
I think I may just stay in tonight.
Quote from: Michelle_P on February 17, 2017, 08:17:42 PM
Sometimes there are not-so-good days. Today was one of them. (Ashley, this will sound awfully familiar... Be forewarned.)
Today I had just one activity on my calendar, a meeting. With a lawyer. And my ex-wife. :(
And, that means I had to present as a male. :P No wig, man-glasses, man-clothing, man-shoes. I'm sitting there with an oversize jacket covering my chest, and a baseball cap over my buzzcut remaining hair. (It feels a little like a wig, and calms me a bit.)
Two hours of being HIM again. My head hurts, I feel nauseous, and I'm trying not to curl up in a ball. Dammit.
I'm really hoping this was it. We just signed the financial settlements, waivers, and whatnot, so if it all goes past the judge, we'll just have to meet to transfer the investment and bank accounts and I'll be done. That will be a relief.
I think I may celebrate with an eyebrow threading and ear piercing. It is the way of my people... ;)
There was one piece of black humor to come out of the day. The lawyer wanted to notarize the documents then and there. Um. ID, please. Ooookay. I passed him my drivers license, with my dear transphobic wife who I haven't told about the name change yet sitting next to me. He took it as I started to say that there had been a revision. He looks, and says "Oh, yeah, your hair is shorter." The ID photo looks like my avatar. He starts to fill in the notary entry. "Huh, your name is spelled different. Michelle, not the Michael he knows.
He just holds the ID so my dear wife can't see it, and fills in the entry, "Michelle P. known personally to me as Michael." He didn't say anything else about it, which was actually pretty awesome.
I was supposed to go out to a meeting of an amateur radio club, but the idea of spending the evening with a bunch of old men alternately staring and misgendering me is not appealing at all.
I think I may just stay in tonight.
What a crappy day you had...but as you said one day closer to it being finally over. You do deserve a treat after having to go through all that...a good book/movie and some comfort food!!
Hugs
Liz
Oh Michelle,
Sorry for the bad day.
You realise of course that at future meetings you should turn up as Michelle so that you are compliant with your ID :angel:
If you ex says anything you can legitimately answer that you did not want to slow proceedings by possible misidentification :laugh:
Cindy
Quote from: Cindy on February 18, 2017, 12:56:25 AM
Oh Michelle,
Sorry for the bad day.
You realise of course that at future meetings you should turn up as Michelle so that you are compliant with your ID :angel:
If you ex says anything you can legitimately answer that you did not want to slow proceedings by possible misidentification :laugh:
Cindy
I know you're kidding, but my therapist suggested something like that, but we concluded that my ex would just bolt, ending the meeting before it started. She'd view it as an ambush by her husband's killer. (Yes, that is how she thinks. Did I mention the transphobia?)
We actually got all the paperwork signed, so now we just have to wait for the court to OK it and the 6 month timer to run out. Once we have the court orders in hand we will have to meet once more to execute the orders splitting apart the joint accounts, and that will be it.
You seem to be quite kind to your stbx. I wouldn't accommodate on presentation beyond dressing down and I'd sure as hell wear carefully applied makeup.
Whether your ID matches or not, dressing how you choose is absolutely your right and while I would tone down the femme if I want to avoid triggering, I would have conveyed my intention to present femme via the attorneys. Whether she then chooses to show up is her choice and if that increases the attorneys' fees I daresay you can also allocate that on her.
The only reason I'd have pulled punches in your shoes would have been if the backlash would have hurt your children.
Not trying to make you feel bad about accommodating, just not sure why you would. One of my few moments of pleasure in my own divorce proceedings reminds me of the conflict you've described.
With lawyers present my stbx who'd cheated on me after years of accusing me of infidelities that in fact never happened made some question about the fact that I now had a gf (I actually had several by then). Now this was timed after 2 years of separation which followed a year in which she refused any sexual contact. The year prior to *that* we'd had sex exactly one time, all this after she'd insisted on my having a vasectomy in the grounds that she couldn't feel sexual with any pregnancy risk.
So at the time of the question I'd been in a new relationship for about a year and hadn't had any form of sexual contact and barely any emotional contact in the 3 years prior. I took some pleasure in replying calmly that this was no longer any of her business. I'm sure that that stung and I'm also sure my daughters experienced a bit if extra vitriol after that meeting however that was all on my ex.
The aftermath BTW has been that for the next decade there was a 50:50 chance when I picked up my kids her bf would be there. I never once said anything about that relationship or complained about his presence in my daughters' lives. My ex OTOH has to this day never once so much as said hello to my GF (of 18 years now) and a year post finalized divorce would still go into a rage if I showed up at an event for kids with my gf present.
This sad s**t continued right up to my daughters college graduation where the ex convinced my daughter to disinvite my gf from the ceremony. My gf hsd by then spent by then more than a decade in contact with my daughters and cares very much for them and I'm glad to say my kids today fully reciprocate in that.
Sadly, my ex kicked her bf of then 13 or so years to the curb when he was dealing with depression. I found that a bit ironic given when she'd told me she was done with the marriage and was interested in an old friend (said bf) I was thrown into a severe depression and that made her only more ready to dump me. I can only say I'm glad when my younger daughter began her own battle with depression a couple of years ago her mom finally had someone in trouble who she cared enough for to be supportive.
Quote from: SadieBlake on February 18, 2017, 04:47:32 AM
You seem to be quite kind to your stbx. I wouldn't accommodate on presentation beyond dressing down and I'd sure as hell wear carefully applied makeup.
.....
The only reason I'd have pulled punches in your shoes would have been if the backlash would have hurt your children.
That's why. If you have kids with someone, you're entangled for the rest of your lives.
My divorce wasn't related to my being trans, but I have two kids with my ex, so I knew I was going to have to deal with her for a long time. She'd been difficult even before I started the divorce process and only got
lots worse once she knew.
But I took the long view and told my attorney that I wanted as amicable divorce as was possible, even if it cost me more, and fortunately my attorney wasn't into scorched-earth divorces, either. I got out alive and with enough to live on, custody/visitation went about as well as it did before the divorce (they're now both over 21, so custody and child support are moot), and we're civil and can even cooperate on some things.
I did my best not to bad-mouth my ex to my kids and even played down some of the problems, but by now I think they both understand why I left.
Oh, a second reason: anger and hate take energy, and I'm an old lady. I just don't have the energy any more.
P.S.: I wish my ex
did have a boyfriend (or girlfriend.) It might calm her down, and besides, I want her to be happy. I still care about her, though I've learned the hard way that I have to keep my distance.
Indeed you are forever entangled and that's why I walked that path as ethically as possible, and certainly worked hard to deflect the drama she liked to stir up.
However I draw the line at not being who I am. I made sure my ex and my kids knew I was a practicing bisexual and my (adult) kids have known I was trans for a long time.
Michelle, I hope that facebook feeler you got is the reopening of some sort of better connection.
We're doing a mediated divorce, for both expediency and to make sure each of us has what we actually need. Our other choices under state law would be an arbitrated divorce, in which two legal teams negotiate with each other, and we get stuck with whatever they come up with, and the bill, or a litigated divorce, including a trial in which we get stuck with whatever the court comes up with, and a huge bill.
Mediated is by far the best path for both of us.
That said, a mediated divorce requires both parties to be present and in a state where they can negotiate with each other. My ex turns out to be severely transphobic. I had hints about this beforehand, part of why I tried so hard to suppress myself all these years. I can guarantee that if I appeared the way I look right now (sitting here typing and having my breakfast) that she would see me, turn, and walk out. We would almost certainly have to move to litigation.
All of this has been really rough on our almost 26 year old daughter, who lives with Mom, but thought of me as her best friend. That has been shredded as well.
I was really in a bad state yesterday after that session. A friend stayed up with me online until I was falling asleep, which I really appreciated. I'm doing better today, and will be meeting up with some folks in my support group later.
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Glad to hear you are in a better place today Michelle. Good friends are, well good. Hoping you have a rewarding day today.
hugs.
Jeanette
Thanks, Jeanette. Yes, a much better day today.
My youngest daughter texted me today, not much, just complaining about being sick with a cold. There was a little back and forth, and a little probing on how I felt on finalizing the divorce settlement. Still, it was contact that she originated.
I had a nice class at the UU church this morning, just a bit of orientation for new members really, but a nice social interaction. The afternoon was fun.
I met up with some other folks in our social support group at a "Celebration of Friends", a social event in a consignment store closed to others for the late afternoon and evening. Wine, cheese and shopping... It's a huge deal for the part time gals to get dressed and shop, and everybody socializes. Around 8 the shop closed up and seven of us went to a pizza place next door. Drinks and pizza for everyone!
At the end of the meal, I shared with them my new birth certificate, and said they were the group of friends I thought might understand the significance of my re-birth, and I wanted to share the event with them by buying dinner. Lots of congratulations all around, and I thought it made for a fun way to celebrate my re-birth. I just got home, tired and happy, all hugged out.
I'm feeling better today.
Quote from: Michelle_P on February 19, 2017, 12:19:22 AM
My youngest daughter texted me today, not much, just complaining about being sick with a cold. There was a little back and forth, and a little probing on how I felt on finalizing the divorce settlement. Still, it was contact that she originated.
At the end of the meal, I shared with them my new birth certificate, and said they were the group of friends I thought might understand the significance of my re-birth, and I wanted to share the event with them by buying dinner. Lots of congratulations all around, and I thought it made for a fun way to celebrate my re-birth. I just got home, tired and happy, all hugged out.
I'm feeling better today.
Michelle,
First I am soooo happy for you that your daughter has reached out to you. I know it was just a little thing but when one is at the beginning of rebuilding that special relationship of a parent with a child it is HUGE!!!> Little steps and not pushing it is how she'll return and let you in again. Just be there for her. That's the best thing you can do. AND rejoice in EVERY win no matter how small. ( Yeah, Ive been there ) So I rejoice with you. It's awesome!
I envy you and your social group. What a wonderful way to celebrate your rebirth.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Four months of full-time life as me today! I can honestly say these have been the happiest four months of my adult life. I cannot recall any prior period when I woke up so happy, so alive, as I do now.
The rest of my weekend went well. Sunday I went to services at the UU church, and afterwards i did cleanup for the coffee klatch. Just washing dishes and picking up, really, very easy for me. (I got good at doing dishes early in my Navy career.). Beth, who does flower arrangements for the church, gave me a small bouquet! It's still doing well on my dining room table.
Monday I had two sessions of electrolysis, about 2 hours each. Due to her illness I didn't have a session the previous week, so there were twice as many hairs awakening and growing, hundreds on the upper lip so recently cleared. So, she re-cleared everything, upper and lower lip, chin, out around 1.5" outside past the corners of the mouth. Yes, ow, but wow, no hairs anywhere around the middle of my face!
Tuesday was pretty neat, in spite of the rain. I went into Oakland, to Kaiser's Multi-Specialty Transitions (MST) clinic to meet my new endocrinologist. She happens to be the Medical Director of the MST team. I think I just bumped up my standard of care. All the latest lab results look good, and she asked if I was interested in their other services. Yes, please! I meet with a speech therapist in two weeks, and a psychiatrist in three weeks to make sure I am capable of consenting to surgery, after which I get referrals for a trach shave, FFS, and GCS.
My ex needed some help with a few things; changing a refrigerator filter, signing up for medical insurance, and handling my daughters income taxes. I sent her some needed information and pointed her to the 'Navigators' to help her set up insurance, and said I'd take care of the talk return (a 15 minute job; trivial return). No physical presence wanted, just information.
Quite a day!
In the next few days I'll be off helping my mother-in-law out, doing some meetings related to instructional work and a huge test session I have coming up, meeting up with some friends for lunch, and then going out for dinner and a show, "The Vagina Monologues", with more friends.
Am I socially transitioning yet? 😇
It does sound like you had a wonderful time so far this week Michelle. Especially with Kaiser. You make me envious of your progress. I want what you have. Congratulations
Hugs,
Jeanette
I'm going to start tuning in every other day, as it seems to ebb and flow in cycles, and I do enjoy reading about the good days. I'm always sorry to hear about your (and everyone's, for that matter) difficulties, but I know it's good to air those out, and someone is always personally touched by the kinds of troubles we all seem to be plagued with sometimes. I haven't plotted any of this out, but it sure sounds like the curve is heading upward, with the good outweighing the bad week by week. As always, thanks for blazing the trail and making it just that much easier for the rest of us.
Ad astra per aspera
Erin
Erin, for me, at this stage, the good massively outweighs the bad. I have had the four best months of my adult life, and the personal news for me is almost entirely positive. I'm busy, socially engaged, and doing well in my physical and mental health.
Jeanette, you are just getting started. Meet with your therapist, lay it all out, and find your path forward. It gets better.
The Vagina Monologues was both funny and poignant. The show seems to have changed over the years. In particular there is a segment with three transgender women that was touching, incredibly personal in feeling, that I do not remember seeing before.
The crab feed was just plain fun. The Rainbow CC folks were fundraising through the whole thing, lots of energy there. A friend of ours wanted a picture with both Honey Mahogany and I, and we obliged:
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170228/92c63f1e17ec94e4958ea79f139cc11f.jpg)
I was invited to an Oscar Party at a local home on Sunday. The friend that invited me said to come either costumed as a character from one of last years movies, or to dress as an over-the-top guest on the red carpet. There would be prizes. Um. Was that a challenge? Accepted!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170228/235c91b5ee33ff393876b8322d3bf188.jpg)
Oh, BTW, I won Best Dressed Woman. Gooooo Affirmation!
I spent the day with Jodie Buschman up in Vacaville, doing morning and afternoon electrolysis sessions, a couple hours each. We were listening to lots of oldies, ELO, Bread, Mamas and the Papas, etc. I hadn't heard some of those tunes in decades! Between music and conversation (when I could move my jaw...) the time went by pretty fast.
She's got a new treatment chair, very comfortable, with a nice headrest and what feels like better back support. It's great for those of us who have longer sessions.
Speaking of which, I couldn't believe the progress made today. The upper lip, lower lip and chin area are all cleaned up again, and the previously almost untouched left side of my neck from the jawline down is almost cleared. She had an afternoon opening for Tuesday, so I'm going back in to get going on the right side of my neck from the jawline down.
That'll be almost 6 hours of work done on my mug this week. That's a lot...
The drawback is that after today's sessions, combined with the long drive in commute traffic, I am pretty much fried. I'm going to try and catch up on the site, but I don't expect to try to do much, because I don't trust myself in this condition with any controls that might mess things up.
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Sounds like you had a fun/good/productive time.
Kick off your shoes and relax. There's always tomorrow.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Well,this is an interesting anniversary. One year ago, I was connecting a metallic flex hose from my little car's exhaust manifold to the passenger compartment. I was sitting at my desk, counting out Vicodin tablets. I was making one last phone call.
Today, I've had the four happiest, most peaceful, most fulfilling four months of my adult life.
Things really can change. It gets better.
I'm so glad I chose this path out of the possible ways. It has had high points, and low points. There were days when I couldn't tell if I was coming or going. There were bad days, but folks helped me through them. Good folks right here helped me, nudged me back onto the path, gave me a kick when I needed one. Thank you for that.
Life is worth living. Do it.
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Very glad you changed your mind a year ago Michelle. Who else would I have to equate losing a road grader with me losing track of my hiding places for my special things? Your humor is good and welcome. I like it and like having you around helping me and others with your experiences, achievements, encouragements and good cheer.
Glad you are here.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Congratulations Michelle, I am glad you had a change of heart. There is only one you and we would have missed getting to know you.
Michelle,
I have been meaning to post a thank you and this anniversary seems a fitting time. Your story and so many of your posts have been a great blessing to me personally. I have also shared many anecdotes with my wife and they have been launching points of good conversations. We really have no assets to negotiate over and are trying to stay together if at all possible. There are no promises but we take it a day at a time.
Just wanted to say thanks and let you know that your story has changed more lives than just your own. Almost forgot, luv your hair! Gives this bald jarhead hope!!
Thx Dana
Thanks. But... Dana, my hair comes in a box. ;) I have three pieces that are the honey/ginger color, all from HairUWear, with their aMemory Cap 2 lace front cap. Two are the Raquel Welch line, "Crowd Pleaser". The one in the avatar is a variation, with the hair about an inch longer and left straight. (The hair is heat stylable synthetic.)
I'm glad I have given folks some discussion topics, or at least things to think about. That has been one of the goals of my doing this, logging the daily minutiae against the background of my transition. I thought it might be fun to share the experience, and perhaps it would give some insight into the whole transition and real life experience thing.
Speaking of which, I had my monthly one-on-one with the gender therapist today. My progress has been rapid, to the point where some of my mental state has to play catchup with the rest. Self image lags behind reality when we change this fast. I've got 50 years of old male baggage that has to age out of the old neural networks before real self-acceptance at the fundamental level takes place. Oh, I know who I am and consciously accept it, but the preoptic cortex and thalmic stuff is a slow learner. It will just take time. Meanwhile, my Doubt Monster is more of a Doubt Chihuahua, and I can deal with it when it gets noisy pretty quickly.
We did decide that it is time to bid farewell to the old diaries I kept pre-transition, the last records of the Sad Old Man. He served me well and kept me safe for a half century, but now it is time for him to go.
It is a bittersweet thing, but I am happier now.
Tomorrow should be interesting. In the evening I have a meeting at the UU church, where we will be re-constituting the LGBTQ Committee. Seems there might just possibly be a need for some organization and outreach in that area, what with recent events and all.
Idle hands... I painted my fingernails metallic gold with a lacquer topcoat. Sparkly...
Progress not perfection is how the saying goes. Thank you for sharing yours with us Michelle. It does help us newer folk to see where we may be going. You do it well and with humor yet.
I am glad to hear you are moving on and working on that deeper acceptance of who you are. I frequently struggle with that but I'm just starting out. It's to be expected. Yesterday I was really second guessing myself when I visited the local Q Center here in Portland. I just dropped in and there were no functions happening. I felt out of place. I felt like I didn't belong there. I felt I wasn't one of "them". It was my first visit of any place like it. Needless to say I was out of my comfort zone.
This was a scouting mission. I was casing the joint. I was preparing for tomorrow (Friday) night when I will return there for my first ever meeting of the trans-women group. I will freely admit that I have ulterior motives and a crutch to help me do this. I will be meeting with another of our members, Tessa.James. I eagerly look forward to that meeting.
It is people like you and her that give us newbies to incentive and courage to take another step.
Thank you both.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Hi Michelle,
Thank you for keeping us updated through everything. Of course I'm a new comer here. And one of the reasons is to find answers on how to deal with some of the same things that I have read in this thread. I need to go back and re-read some of them more carefully, but I have the high lights.
In my case, my family still does not know about my secret yearnings. I plan to write in detail about all of that soon, but for now will just hit the top surface. I'm sure divorce will come my way once all is out in the open, and like you, 30+ years in a conventional marriage is hard to just let slip away.
Then there are our children, who I "though" we had done a good job in teaching them to accept people in all walks of life. And for the most part they did. I have children who have best friends as trans friends. But when it comes to "their father" I have doubts. One child has even gotten a divorce because of the subject matter.
How to deal with that? Grown children who you fear will disown you once you come out? That is my biggest fear.
As I mentioned, I do plan on writing in detail later about all of this. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing what you have gone through. It helps. I know there is hope and life out there. You are a positive light. Thank you for being a beacon for me...us.
Just wondering Michelle. What makes electorlosis hurt so much more then Laser? i mean i thought laser was the worst pain imaginable but apprently from other who have done both, not so much. Stay strong my beautiful guardian trans-angel <3
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 07, 2017, 01:56:03 PM
I had another electrolysis marathon schedule on Monday, two 2 hour sessions. I made it through 3 hours. I don't know why, but the pain seemed so much worse this time, and I couldn't disassociate myself, could not get into that mindful state where I could just let the zaps go past, ignoring the transient pain and staying in the now.
I found myself focusing on the pain, anticipating the next insertion, panicked and trying very hard to control my breathing. Goddess, but it hurt. I had to stop an hour into the second session. I was so shaken up I could barely move, and was reduced to tears.
I honestly don't know if I can go back. I may wind up having to fly to Texas to finish electrolysis under anesthesia. It's just that bad.
I wish I knew what went wrong.
I feel your pain Michelle, Literally. I've come to the conclusion that it is the HRT. I started my Electro sessions prior to HRT and did 2 hour sessions on two days, back to back. It was an absolute walk in the park. No problems at all. My girl told me I was the toughest customer she'd ever had. Fast forward to decreasing testosterone and increasing estrogen. As the two swapped sides, so went my damned tolerance. By the time I'd been on the HRT for 4 months, what was previously a walk in the park, became untenable. I remember you couldn't get your E levels where you wanted and finally have. And now you're experiencing the joy of sticking your head in a wasps nest. Correlation?
I'm now opting to finish up, doped up, with mass clearings. It actually got to the point I was having panic attacks. I'll assume that's what you experienced the other day. I've always had an incredibly high tolerance for pain, but electro finally did me in. Just wanted to share with you on the "misery loves company" wavelength. Lisa
Michelle
I had already written a response to this but apparently yet another one of those warning messages saying someone else had posted a response came up where I once again did not see it and another of my responses was lost.
**sigh**
I guess I'll just say, I'm sorry you had such a difficult time at your session.
Hugs,
Jeanette
I purchased numb off of Amazon which helps. They also use a numbing topical agent. I also take 3 Motrin before electrolysis. I do 2 hours at a time and at 1 hour 45 minutes is difficult.
When I am at events in the gayborhood there are always people in drag. There are guys in thongs and leather too. Most people are dressed as one does in social situations but there are some above and beyond.
Several of the messages in this thread violated TOS 10b, and have been removed...
Quote from: Susan on July 27, 2006, 07:45:44 PM
10. Bashing or flaming of an individual or group is not acceptable behavior on this website and will not be tolerated in the slightest for any reason. This includes but is not limited to:
- Advocating the separation or exclusion of one or more group from under the Transgender umbrella term. The same restriction applies to advocating the removal of the T from GLBT.
- Suggesting or claiming that one segment or sub-segment of our community is more or less legitimate, deserving, or real than any others.
- Suggesting that Trans people are not really men (FTM) or women (MTF).
- Posting any messages that engages in personal attacks and/or is actively or passively aggressive no matter the provocation.
This site is for a diverse community and as a member you have to accept that others may have presentations, identities, or beliefs which do not match your own. You are free to have differing beliefs even ones that go against the positions established by myself or the rules of this site. However, with that being said, you are not free to advocate for those positions on this site.
This is what comprises the Transgender Community for the purposes of this web site...
Quote from: Susan on January 26, 2009, 10:04:38 PM
Transgender: an inclusive umbrella term which covers anyone who transcends their birth gender for any reason. This includes but is not limited to Androgynes, Crossdressers, Drag kings, Drag queens, Intersexuals, Transsexuals, and Transvestites.
Moderators are held to a higher standard and as such I have removed Michelle_P's posting privileges for a few days. I am sure Cindy will have a few choice words for her as well.
Im lost.. what had happened?? ??? ??? ???
You're better off not knowing. :)
Hugs, Devlyn
Okie dokie smokie!
Huggles-Ashley
Congratulations on 5 months en femme! I'm well past a year RLE but my RLE doesn't involve passing. I'm quite envious of your looks.
Hi, Sadie! I dunno about passing, but I'm having quite the real life experience.
I'm on a bit of a break right now, but I should be back after I get some things taken care of.
Welcome back Michelle. I missed you.
Jeanette
This may have been my worst week since I started my transition. I think maybe the gods noticed things were going too well for me, and decided to chuck a few lightning bolts in my direction.
It's all a bit of a blur by now, who with not sleeping for a couple of nights, but it was one heck of a week. The good news is that it is past, I'm dong better, and am taking off on a little vacation for a few days.
I managed to get kicked from several directions. Some folks I had been working with decided that since I objected to their plans for an upcoming event that I wasn't trans enough, and started a bit of a campaign. That hurt. Then I managed to mess up here, as Susan noted above. I think my communication skills may need more work... Then there was another exciting round of dealing with folks who mean well but just do not understand being transgender.
On top of this, I have a broken windshield and taillight on my new car. That's annoying, and a pain to take care of. The price for a windshield installed on this thing is just absurd. But, it has to be fixed.
Worst of all was the results from my annual skin cancer screening. There were two biopsies done this time. Usually it turns out to be just another basal cell cancer, and it gets removed, no big deal. This time, though...
There's an atypical fibroxanthoma on my scalp. It's a slow growing thing, and Mohs surgery is called for. On my forearm, I have a melanoma. It's a Stage 1B, so we caught it small, but it is a fast grower. 0.7 cm, 0.85 mm thick, 3/mm mitosis. Because its an aggressive little bugger we are doing a large elliptic excision on my forearm, and I'll be getting a tracer prior to surgery to identify the axial lymph nodes that the tumor area drains through. There's a chance, about 10%, that cells the tumor shed may be stuck in the lymph nodes, so we will take a look. The prognosis is excellent for a full recovery.
That doesn't mean I am not worried.
All of this piled onto me has led to sleepless nights, anxiety, depression... Oh, heck, we all know the drill. It ain't good. By late Tuesday I had pretty much lost it. Dena and later Cindy were up with me almost all night online talking me down. (Thank you! I'm not sure I would be around if it wasn't for Cindy. I can't believe she did this for me with all she already has going on. I just have the greatest respect for her.)
I spent Wednesday camping out at Kaiser, then made it to speech therapy, and finally with some friends. I spent most of Thursday out in the sun, enjoying the "no overcast or rain", reconnecting with the larger human race, and Thursday evening with the folks at the local UU congregation for some sharing, decompression, and dinner. Today I'm meeting friends for lunch and then going on a bit of a vacation to see my son.
(Speech therapy was interesting. I'll write something up on that.)
So, I'm alive, doing better, and hope to be in more useful condition next week.
I am very glad you are back :)
Dena and Cindy are gems. I think about Cindy from time to time and hope for the best.
You are trans enough, nuff said.
I am sorry you had such a difficult week and glad you got through it.
Hi Michelle,
Well heck, with all that going on I'd have a meltdown too. Won't say no more about it.
As for the skin cancer, I am guessing bi your "annual screening" you have been here before. I'm sorry to hear that. Anytime someone tells you you have cancer is a bad day. Your gut jumps right up into your throat and it puckers your backside. It is Terrible news, Period! It doesn't matter that it is treatable it still gets ya. And it is good news that yours is treatable though I'm not fond of chunks being cut out of you. (I'm missing a few internal ones myself) But it is very good they caught it early.
I am also not happy with that 10% chance it may have migrated. Let's pray it has not. I will be doing just that for you.
I hope your getaway to see your son is a really good time for you. You could use a bit of that to recharge.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Not enough xanax for that week. Be well, Michelle.
I've been picking up the pieces and getting myself back together. It's a slow process but I'm managing with some help.
First up, the surgery. The removal of the tissue around the melanoma site and the sentinel lymph node biopsy are scheduled for the end of March. I'll be scheduling the Mohs surgery for the scalp in a few days. Something tells me I'm going to max out my out of pocket medical insurance deductible shortly.
I'm avoiding the toxic people, other than one family member. I tend to walk off on her when she gets nasty.
My little vacation break has been great. I visited with my son over the weekend in San Diego, and met some of his friends.
I did my two 2 hour electrolysis sessions today, and was able to use mindfulness techniques to detach from the zaps and let go of the discomfort, just being in the now in a sort of flow state. Jodie thought I was just spaced out. There's a difference?
Anyway, it has been three weeks since I shaved my 'muzzle', and it is now coated with a layer of fine villus hairs! Jodie has been re-clearing this area every week, usually within the first session, and using the second session to break new ground. I'm pretty rapidly approaching the point where I'll have had my first complete clear and all the work will be on culling awakening hairs and survivors.
I've got speech therapy tomorrow, along with a discussion group in the morning, and chairing a club meeting in the evening. Wednesday I've got an appointment with the proverbial second psychologist to go over my competency to request surgery, and later in the day I have group. More activities Thursday, and Friday I'll be helping out my mother-in-law.
Keeping busy helps.
My gosh! Keeping busy is an understatement Michelle. I am glad the break was good for you. Time to breathe and regroup and all that. There there was being able to spend time with your son. That was likely the highlight of your break as it should be. My daughter and 3 of the grandkids are supposed to return from Iowa today. I'm glad they get to come home but I'm dreading it too. I'll give them several days to settle back in the I will see about visiting them for purposes of having "the talk" with her and her husband.
I'm glad you are attending to the cancer issue right away. You cannot let those things slide. The one at the end of the month doesn't sound like fun at all.
Glad to have you back home and online with us again.
Hugs,
Jeanette
All these great thing! Keep them coming girl <3
I'm glad you are staying on top of things, Michelle.
I want to thank you for a post you made a while back in this thread about how you deal with going about unshaved in preparation for electolysis while living full-time RLE. It really helped me today.
I am not full-time yet, but I go to all my appointments dressed. I suddenly realized a couple of days ago that I have an HRT checkup (today) followed by an electrolysis session (tomorrow), so I'd have to go to the checkup unshaved. I got through today's appointment thanks to your post saying that basically this is just part of life as a trans-woman, so hold your head up and carry on.
That's what I did, and I felt fine. :) Thank you!
Nice to see you are back and things went well on your break.. Hopefully you have been able to steer clear of Toxic people.
I just started my voice therapy and am just learning how to stretch my pitch and warm up properly...long way behind you...but it is one of things I don't actually mind playing around with.
Liz
I have been remiss in posting to this thread! Let's see if I can catch up on the past week.
A week ago I had my first follow-up speech therapy session, via video conference. I had a new headset so the voice connection would be nice and clean. It was actually a fun session! The therapist and her intern were on the other end, and the intern blurted out that I was totally passing after just a few minutes. Wheeee! I've been practicing, on everyone I can. At church, on the phone, at appointments.
I can be hard to shut up at times. Note that I still need practice, as I want this to be automatic, not something that I have to intently concentrate on every phrase before I speak. There are months to go even as I practice 24/7.
I chaired a meeting of our amateur radio club with about 40 people present, and let everyone know that elections were coming up, self-nomination is just fine, and that I would like someone else to please run for President, as I don't live in town any more, and feel odd about being a non-resident with keys to the city Emergency Operations Center. It's not like I can get there if the bridge between my new home and old town goes in the next quake. Better someone else takes on the job. Besides, I'm busy enough as is.
Wednesday I had a meeting with a new therapist inside the Kaiser Multi-Specialty Transitions clinic to discuss my future plans. 😇 🙀 "So, do you usually wear a scarf?" "That or a turtleneck, yes." "Are you interested in..." "Surgeries? Yes, please!" So, after the usual rites and rituals were concluded, I am getting referrals for my trach shave and FFS. I also had an intake phone interview scheduled to start my GCS process rolling. YESSSS!
Then, I went off to my little group therapy session 70 miles away, in the town my old therapist had retired to. That was a productive session, going over my recent little crash and some interpersonal issues. Turns out two gals in group had some questions about me as well, being familiar with recent events in my life, so that session turned interesting. Weird, but productive. I came out of it with some good ideas on how to proceed in the future.
Thursday our LGBTQ Committee at the Unitarian Universalist church met to go over plans for our next little event, a celebration of the Transgender Day of Visibility on March 31. That went OK, but I also had to share that my melanoma surgery is scheduled for that day, and I might not be able to make the event. Bummer. Getting the cancer under control takes priority, though.
Friday I had lunch with a few members of our local transgender social support group, lovely folks, and then went over to help out my mother in law. There I rebuilt the mechanisms for the front door, a big slider that was sticking and too difficult for her to open. That was successful, and now the door slides, like buttah! Then, a mature woman of French-Canadian ancestry sat down with a Hungarian immigrant to enjoy a traditional Irish corned beef dinner. 😇
Saturday was a Me day, with me taking care of all the stuff that had backed up during the week. Paperwork, bills, cleaning, laundry, etc. Boooooring...
Sunday was all church, and coffee service. I was up at the Unitarian Universalist church. During services, I trued using my new breathing control to sing. I was loud, if not on key, and a few people around me noticed. ☺ I did the usual coffee mug washing marathon during the coffee klatch afterwards. I'm filling in there again next weekend, with a bit of a shortfall in our coffee volunteer staff. I'm actually quite good at this. Navy training...
Monday was Electrolysis Day. My electrolysis operator had a birthday last week, and I brought in some things I thought she might like, a variety of mellow throat soothing herbal teas, and a couple varieties of chocolate with a bit of orange flavoring. I am absolutely coinvinced that chocolate tastes better on estradiol.
Tuesday was mostly me puttering around, doing a bit of paperwork and walking to get my 10,000 steps in between rainstorms. Made it. This evening I tried a new therapy group, run by Kaiser MST over in Oakland. This was a pretty good group session, lots of folks there, and fairly well structured and moderated. I think I'll try it again in a few weeks.
Hi Michelle
Sounds like a very busy and productive week. You also sound in a bit better spirits too.. That's a good thing.
Keep it up you're doing good.
Hugs
Jeanette
Keeping busy hells, as does human contact, and some therapy sessions didn't hurt.
Today I had another video session with my speech therapist. It seems to be down to practice, practice, practice. I've got the pitch right, prosody is coming along well, so what I need to do now is just practice until what takes concentration now eventually becomes automatic. I spent about 3 months working on pitch and trying to strengthen my voice in the new range before I saw the speech therapist. With Dena's advice I had the technique down, so the rest of this comes down to doing the right exercises and having someone correct a few errors until I had it right.
The real test will be the next round of tech lectures. It is far too easy to slip back into male didactic mode. I'll be practicing some of Hermione's little speeches from the Harry Potter books, among other things! I can use the audiobooks to check the speech patterns. It's hard work, but fun!
I am so glad you are feeling better and back into your hectic swing of things.
Michelle
"I'll be practicing some of Hermione's little speeches from the Harry Potter books"
I like that idea and it does sound fun. I wonder what I would sound like with an English accent. hmmmm...
Hugs,
Jeanette
Those who know me know that I have some fierce dreams. They got a little closer to reality today.
I had a phone appointment with a nurse at the Kaiser Multi-Specialty Transitions (MST) clinic today as a follow-up to my session with a therapist a few weeks ago. As a result, I now have:
1) Appointment the week after next with the GCS surgical folks to set up my GCS, possibly with Dr. Salim (https://mydoctor.kaiserpermanente.org/ncal/provider/alisalim).
2) Appointment for a FFS consult in May with Dr. Kleinberger (https://mydoctor.kaiserpermanente.org/ncal/provider/andrewkleinberger), who works with Dr Shih and was trained by Dr. Speigel.
This is a major step forward for me.
WOW!!! Michelle Kaiser events are sweeping you away. Does it feel like floating on a cloud? Did you pinch yourself to make sure it wasn't a dream?
That's really great Michelle I am happy for you.
Huge Hugs,
Jeanette
Quote from: JeanetteLW on March 23, 2017, 11:36:30 PM
WOW!!! Michelle Kaiser events are sweeping you away. Does it feel like floating on a cloud? Did you pinch yourself to make sure it wasn't a dream?
That's really great Michelle I am happy for you.
Huge Hugs,
Jeanette
Yeah, it's a little surprising. All of a sudden all sorts of things are starting to happen. I think it's from getting connected to the MST organization at last, plus hitting the one-year mark on HRT soon (in terms of medical time...).
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 23, 2017, 11:30:38 PM
Those who know me know that I have some fierce dreams. They got a little closer to reality today.
I had a phone appointment with a nurse at the Kaiser Multi-Specialty Transitions (MST) clinic today as a follow-up to my session with a therapist a few weeks ago. As a result, I now have:
1) Appointment the week after next with the GCS surgical folks to set up my GCS, possibly with Dr. Salim (https://mydoctor.kaiserpermanente.org/ncal/provider/alisalim).
2) Appointment for a FFS consult in May with Dr. Kleinberger (https://mydoctor.kaiserpermanente.org/ncal/provider/andrewkleinberger), who works with Dr Shih and was trained by Dr. Speigel.
This is a major step forward for me.
That is just wonderful, I know the US health system has its issues but when I hear things like this I am heartened. I just wish the Australian Government would come to the party and help pay for my treatment. My understanding so far is I have to find 15K and then I get one "choice" of surgeon or I go OS to Thailand.
Sounds like your care will be smoothly co-ordinated and should hopefully all fall into place. Hopefully :)
Liz
The Kaiser site seems quite progressive in terms of transgender care. The surgeries I found listed seemed directed at trans men. Have you been able to get any feedback on GCS preformed under this program? So many ladies focus on the pro/con of surgeons all over the country/world, I wondered how these compare. Anyway so exciting for you!
I'll know more in a week from Monday, when I meet with the surgery team folks. My understanding is that the in-house team trained under Dr. Meltzer in Arizona, and is very good. The folks I know who had surgery from this team tell me that they got a two-part surgery, the full vaginoplasty followed after several months with a revision labiaplasty.
I'll be meeting with them, as well as with a social worker, and will report back on all the details.
Well, things have been getting odd again in my life. Some good, some not.
I had another electrolysis marathon yesterday, two 2 hour sessions. Almost all of my face has been cleared of original growth now, maybe 1 1/2 square inches in front of the right ear to go. Yesterday's session spent a couple hours re-clearing the upper and lower lip down to the chin and jawline, then a couple hours clearing the left cheek from the jawline to the top of the ear.
Sore today, to be sure, but damn! Waking to my cheek sliding across the pillow rather than scraping was an attention-getter. I spent much of the say smiling and touching my cheek.
I heard from my youngest daughter. She's reaching out to me and wants more texts and phone calls. This is a nice change from "don't contact me, I'll be in touch wine I feel like it". I guess she feels like it. She passed the last exam needed to get her court reporters license, and she has sent in the paperwork to get the actual license. This has taken her years of effort, and I'm very proud of her for persevering and accomplishing this.
I had our pre-op group session today. These are sort of frustrating for me, honestly. A group with a dozen people in it isn't going to get very far in a session.
On the way there, I was walking near the transit station when a woman approached on the sidewalk from the opposite direction. I had on my usual smile, and she was smiling. Normally there'd be a quick glance at shoes and sweep up to the face, and a smile at each other as we passed, normal female street protocol. Instead, she showed a frown for an instant, the eyebrows raised, and then she went to a big smile. Uh oh.
As we passed, she said, "By the way, you look great!" Well, that's a nice complement, but very unusual behavior for two women passing on the street. I'm pretty sure I got clocked and was complemented on a "nice try, dude" basis. That was a real mood-killer.
In the session, there was a very odd case of a gal who was approved by psych and insurance for a surgery, but deemed not worthy (no medical reason!) by the surgeon she was assigned, and a bunch of related complaints by others about having to prove worthiness over and over for each surgery or treatment. Gatekeeping again. The therapist running group tried to justify this, some of the patients called her on it, and I laid into her pretty harshly on gatekeeping and that trans people are 'special' in that we have to get psych approval for treatments similar to ones that are essentially informed consent for anyone else.
I've got an individual therapy session tomorrow midday, and Thursday and Friday are prep and the actual melanoma surgery respectively. I'll be getting a sentinel node biopsy, cutting into the armpit and removing selected lymph nodes to see how much the melanoma has spread and to better plan future treatment. I'm hoping for good results.
Friday is the Transgender Day of Visibilty, a day to celebrate the good things in our lives and let the world know we are here, and are actually nice people.
Michelle I hear you gal
I spent the day dealing with Bureaucrats trying to get my name changed...Talk about gatekeeper mentality. They beat me down in the end and I have taken $150 punt that the document I get they will accept...if they happen to feel like it.
That Smooth feeling is pretty darn good....mine is currently smooth and lumpy(mainly from the injections) but all those stumps...they are gone, nice feeling ;)
Great news the communication is starting to turn around with your daughter, I guess she has worked it out for herself that you are still you. Sounds like a great start
ITDOV...I will get to see the video I was involved in promoting the day hopefully sometime in the next few hours.
Liz
Hi Michelle,
I was pleased to read about your daughter opening the door a little wider on yours and her relationship. There is hope yet. Sometimes you just have to pull back and have patience, trusting the eventually things will change in your favor. And it looks like your patience is starting to bear fruit. There are situations where you just cannot push. You throw yourself out there and hope for the best.
I liked your description of your cheek sliding smoothly across your pillow instead of scraping. It does sound like something to bring a smile to ones face. I supposed a person has to start that torture before they can achieve results like yours. *sigh* (someday....)
Your meeting doesn't sound like it was fun unless you like reaming bureaucrats. Hmmm there could be some therapeutic value there ...
Hope you have a stupendous day today.
Hugs,
Jeanette
<3
I am happy some things are going your way :), in regards to the passing woman I wouldnt read too much into it. Unless she was being snarky which doesnt seem the case she sounds like she really wanted to compliment you. I totally understand the feeling uncomfortable about someone basically blurting out your trans but it seemed to be from the heart. Even if she should have kept her mouth quite.
I have only had about 3 laser sessions of so in the past year but I know that feeling to on hairless patches. I would rub my fingers there and rejoice in the fact the hair is going away!
And yes it is nice to hear that your daughter is coming along it seems :) You are one admirable woman
Hugs-Ashley
Spent the afternoon in a one on one therapy session trolling the deep end, poking around the edges to get a little peek underneath. [emoji17]
I'm just sitting at an outdoor cafe decompressing now. Sometimes I just want all this to be over, just want to skip ahead to where there are no more surgeries, no more therapy, and I can get to living my life.
"We cling to memories as if they define us, but they don't. What we do is what defines us." - Maj. Kusinagi
It's some of the old memories that trouble me, ghosts of the dead past struggling to reify themselves in my present. Oh, how I'd love to redact them.
Still, we are the sum of our experiences, including how we did or didn't process them. Reprocessed memories, new meaning from old events, new actions from old data. What we do is what defines us.
I'd like to be fully defined, but something tells me that won't happen within my life. That comes afterward.
I'll just have to make do with what I have. That'll do for now.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 29, 2017, 01:23:18 AM
Friday is the Transgender Day of Visibilty, a day to celebrate the good things in our lives and let the world know we are here, and are actually nice people.
But what about those of us who
aren't nice people? :) :icon_razz:
Seriously, though, I've been trying to figure out how to do "Visible," beyond simply being me everywhere I go, which I already am. I suppose I could wear a "trannies are beautiful" T-shirt, if I had one, and if it would fit with the dresses and skirts I usually wear. And if it weren't supposed to be cold and rainy tomorrow (=Friday)
I consider me, walking down the street to be my Visibility event. ;) I'm pretty darn out there.
I spent my morning for the Day of Visibility in Kaiser's Ambulatory Surgery unit. The experience was very different from the one I had last August. Part of that is having my name and gender updated across all of the records, of course, but a big part seemed to be staff effort there.
Even when I was stripped down and in that unisex 'gown' lying in the bed, I'm getting "Ma'am", and hearing "she" and "her" in the medical conversations around me. There may have been one accidental "his" between a nurse and doctor, but that was it. This was a very nice change to see.
One very interesting item regarding my own personal quirks came up. Those who know me know about my severe anxiety triggered over hair, and know that there is a wig attached to my head every waking moment. My hair stayed on me through pre-op, surgery, and recovery. Not even a comment or request to remove it, they just asked me to wear a bonnet just prior to rolling into the OR. The bonnet went over the hair, of course.
The surgery itself went well, with the cancer area resected, and two lymph nodes that received drainage from the tumor region removed from my armpit. It's a bit sore, but but nothing too bad.
I spent yesterday afternoon and early evening having the lymph drainage traced out from the tumor site to the 'sentinel' lymph nodes, the ones most likely to have trapped cancer cells shed by the tumor. That was an interesting process, with injections of technetium-99 around the tumor site, and a couple nice long meditation sessions sandwiched unde an enormous high resolution scintillation detector. I spent about 2 1/2 hours in that camera.
They got very clean images as to which lymph nodes are involved. Alas, I didn't get any of the usual effects of radioisotopes. No flying, or X-ray vision, and I'm pretty sure I can't move anything with my mind or stick to walls and ceilings. How boring...
Now I just have to wait til the biopsy results come in next week. If clean, then I can go back to my usual plans for my future. If not, my transition may progress a bit faster.
Glad to hear to hear the biopsy went well...Your day of visibility was within the confines of the hospital but your were still highly "visible"...now as for x-ray vision and being able to stick to walls that I can accept but I have to say I am sceptical about your ability to fly...seems to me you have been flying along beautifully for quite some time, there has been the odd thunderstorm along the way but you kept flying...
Great to hear your experience was a good one...they are not always but in this case it seems like a good one...
Hope the results are what you need
Liz
Crossing my fingers for you, Michelle. Best of luck.
Well, that was interesting...
I think the anesthesia used on me included a propofol infusion. Nothing quite like brilliant turquoise urine to catch one's attention. :P I kept falling asleep Friday, and was still a little spacey on Saturday. The color display is back to normal.
I did manage to go for a walk, which helped clear my head a bit, and went to a movie Saturday aftenoon. "Ghost in the Shell" Futuristic, violent, melancholy, full of questions and questioning of what makes up our identity. Just my cup of tea. OK, some of the original stories did resonate with me, and the fantasy of swapping one's body for a custom replacement is appealing, of course. It's a well done, but difficult film. I expect most people won't get it. (Stay for the credits if you liked the 1996 film and Kenji Kawaii's soundtrack.)
I spent this morning at Kaiser's Multi-Specialty Transitions (MST) clinic in Oakland. Mondays are a sort of Surgical Transition orientation and kickoff session, followed in the afternoon by their review board to see who gets treatment. I met with a surgeon, a nurse, and a social worker. They were there to provide information and sit on the review board. Will they believe me to be worthy of GCS? (Hint: Oh, yeah!)
The surgeon, Dr. Gurjala, is a microsurgeon doing primarily FtM top surgery and phalloplasty. He assists on vaginoplasty procedures. We talked briefly about the procedures Kaiser is using and the available surgical teams.
The current process for GCS is a two-stage surgery. The first stage vaginoplasty includes the orchiectomy, construction of a neoclitoris, and penile inversion vaginoplasty using methods based on Dr. Toby Meltzer's work. A second state labiaplasty is done six months later to refine the appearance.
GCS includes a 7 night stay in the hospital. I'll need 2-3 days of 24 hour care at home afterward.
Surgeries can be done by Dr. Meltzer as a Kaiser contractor, or by Dr. Ali Selim and his team in-house. The Kaiser team trained under Dr. Meltzer. Wait times are somewhere around 20 months for Dr. Meltzer and 16 for the Kaiser team. Dr. Meltzer doesn't take Medicare, and since I go on Medicare in 19 months, that option is out for me. This means I will be referred to Dr. Selim.
The nurse did a chart review to make sure everything is up to date. We went over options for surgeons, and hair removal in preparation for surgery. I've got the authorization for that now, and prescriptions for EMLA ointment and ibuprofen to be taken before electrolysis.
My surgical consult for facial feminization surgery is scheduled with Dr Klineberger for mid-May. There is well over a year wait for this as well. (Another summer with turtlenecks and scarves...) FFS will have an overnight stay in the hospital and I may need assistance at home for a day or two.
I will need to coordinate GCS and FFS so they are not too close together, to allow time for healing and recovery from general anesthesia.
I should hear back from the San Francisco surgery clinic in 7-10 days, and a first appointment will be scheduled in about 3 months with Dr. Selim.
The social worker went over various options for home care, preparation, and recovery, verifying that I have a social support network in place and am aware of the physical impact of all the surgery on me. There won't be any surprises in that what he told me is pretty much what everyone here discovers in reading posts from our freshly post-op members. Oddly, he didn't have Susan's Place down as an online resource, although he did have a few other places that surprised me. That oversight has been rectified, and Susan's Place will be on future handouts.
I'd say that was a fairly productive morning spent in the depths of Kaiser MST.
Time to do some grocery shopping, and meet up with some friends later for dinner.
Great news, a dedicated professional team...wow I am jealous. Sounds like everything went really well and your future for this looks pretty darn good.
Liz
Quote from: Michelle_P on April 03, 2017, 05:16:34 PM
My surgical consult for facial feminization surgery is scheduled with Dr Klineberger for mid-May. There is well over a year wait for this as well. (Another summer with turtlenecks and scarves...) FFS will have an overnight stay in the hospital and I may need assistance at home for a day or two.
Am I correct in understanding that Dr. Klineberger is in house with Kaiser in Northern California? Does this mean that Kaiser covers FFS? Because I am with Kaiser in Southern California and I was told that Kaiser does not currently cover FFS. I am currently trying to raise the funds to pay for FFS on my own. With the waiting period I think it is a wash -- I think in a year or two I can raise the money to pay for my own FFS but I am still interested.
Carly
Hi Michelle,
Glad to hear the resection went well along with the lymph node work. Not even any glowing in the dark? Let's pray they don't find any other issues to worry about.
It also sounds as though you are still moving quickly along with you srs plans through Kaiser. It's making Kaiser sound more enticing all the time.
You're so busy all the time doing something you make me want to go take a nap. I hope everything continues to go well for you.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Quote from: CarlyMcx on April 03, 2017, 08:13:28 PM
Am I correct in understanding that Dr. Klineberger is in house with Kaiser in Northern California? Does this mean that Kaiser covers FFS? Because I am with Kaiser in Southern California and I was told that Kaiser does not currently cover FFS. I am currently trying to raise the funds to pay for FFS on my own. With the waiting period I think it is a wash -- I think in a year or two I can raise the money to pay for my own FFS but I am still interested.
Carly
Dr Klineberger is indeed a Kaiser Northern California doctor, based out of the Walnut Creek offices.
Well, a therapist found that it was medically necessary for me. Might be related to my covering the big bathroom mirror in the apartment with a frosted plastic film except for one little spot, or my constant wearing of turtlenecks and scarves, and refusal to be seen without makeup.
With it declared medically necessary I get a referral to a surgeon who does FFS.
In discussion with the medical team, I found that there is a feeling among the medical staff that GCS by itself does not address social dysphoria, only body self-image issues. The anxiety and depression from social rejection displayed by patients should also be addressed.
Oh, I was chatting this evening with a couple of friends who have had GCS recently with Dr Selim and Dr Thomas at Kaiser SF. They were very happy with the results. One friend said she doesn't need the revision surgery, as the first stage result looks really good. That surprised me, but OK, if she likes it, she's got what she wanted and is done.
Another friend just got out of surgery a few hours ago. Her SO is there and keeping us up to date on how she is doing.
I had an interesting day, unusual activities, and some medical results.
The big medical news was my biopsy results from the melanoma surgery last Friday. After examining the margins of the excised tissue and a total of four small lymph nodes that were linked to the cancer site, the results show that I am free of melanoma cancer. This gave me cause to celebrate, and there's more on that below.
The unusual activity started with my checking my calendar early Tuesday, when I realized that Wednesday was completely blank, empty, devoid of any activities!
I don't know how that happened.
So, I did something I haven't done in a very long time. I rode BART (subway) into San Francisco and took the N-Judah out to Golden Gate Park, to wander about. I visited the Conservatory of Flowers, something I haven't done in 40 years. I visited the Japanese Tea Garden, a wonderful place to sit and meditate. I even got a little lunch/snack there, genmaicha no dorayaki. (The USAian equivalent would be a diet soda and a Twinkie. ;) ) I walked around Stow Lake.
I felt wonderful.
Then while walking around the lake, I got two phone calls. The first was from the Kaiser San Francisco Plastic Surgery Clinic, to schedule a phone appointment with an RN there, to collect and provide information prior to scheduling an initial consultation with a GCS surgeon. An appointment for the appointment to get the appointment, if you will. The second call was from the surgeon handling my melanoma surgery, to give me the good news on the biopsy results.
Well, this needed celebrating. But how? I'm not big on the drinking or partying, but I do love good food. And I am in the foodie capitol of the western US... It was a choice between Original Joe's and Scala's. I went with Joe's. Minestrone, a nice Zinfandel, and lasagna. I'm sitting at the counter watching the kitchen chaos. 😉 Oh, and Italian doughnuts with affogato for dessert. Gosh, it's almost like I haven't eaten in a couple days for some reason...
It's a good day. I'm happy.
Good news , have a doughnut on me. Wearing my ra ra skirt and waving pom poms
And life goes on and on... :)
I had a fun time Saturday with some friends. I'm in a social group of various flavors of femme transgender people, and there are some neat things the group (Diablo Valley Girls) does sometimes. We regularly take over a consignment store monthly for an evening with the owners happy cooperation. Wine and cheese and lovely higher end clothing and accessories. Shopping!
I scored a leather high-waist jacket that's a perfect fit, JAG pull-up jeans that fit like a glove (Size 2? Really? Don't believe that tag.), a really nice fitted wool blend jacket, and a Baggalini Everything bag. Everything for what that bag costs new in a discount place. Yay! After that four of us headed out to a great local Italian and pizza place to finish off the day. I had a grand time.
Sunday I spent with the church folks, and on my taxes. Yuck, but almost done. Monday was my electrolysis marathon, two 2 hour sessions. One session was just re-clearing the upper and lower lip down to the chin, which hadn't been touched except for shaving once in the past 3 weeks. The second session we cleared much of the right sideburn area. Another couple of weeks and I may be retiring the shaving equipment. (She said optimistically...) I was pretty much out of it Monday night.
Tuesday night I was at a pre-meeting dinner (Pizza Pirate, an odd but good local pizza joint), and then chaired a meeting of the Benicia Amateur Radio Club. That was my last meeting as president of the organization. I had moved out of town, and felt that I couldn't really do a good job as president at a distance, so I didn't run for re-election. Still, I'll miss that. Lots of other things I can do within the organization, though.
Today was pretty neat. Another multiple appointment day! I had an appointment with a nurse at Kaiser San Francisco, in preparation for a first appointment with a surgeon, Dr Selim (https://mydoctor.kaiserpermanente.org/ncal/provider/alisalim), in mid-August, or possibly late July if the schedule changes as they expect, in preparation for GCS possibly as soon as early 2018! (Yes, please! I've been waiting decades for this one.). He works with Dr. Thomas (https://mydoctor.kaiserpermanente.org/ncal/provider/carllthomas).
Then I had a follow up with my speech therapist. Linda says I'm ready to graduate! I've got some maintenance exercises and activities to continue with. I've been using my new voice 24/7, which may explain why my youngest daughter never returns my calls any more...
I've got a first meeting with Dr. Kleinburger (https://mydoctor.kaiserpermanente.org/ncal/provider/andrewkleinberger) to discuss FFS next month, so I'm getting pretty excited about this next phase of my transition.
Onward, ever onward!
Well Michelle another several days gone in your busy schedule. Spending time with the Diable Valley girls sounds like the most fun. I wouldn't know what to do if I had to have a schedule as busy as yours seems to be. I've gotten used to the retired sedentary life in front of my computer living vicariously through others like yourself. I did manage to get out and walk the the mailboxes today in my skinny ladies jeans and women shoes with their purple shoe laces. LOL Daring huh?
Still haven got the taxes done? Not much time yet. Marathon electrolysis sessions....ouchie. Note to self: need to look into facial hair removal services someday *yawn* that made me tired.
Can we get back to the girl parties and food already?
Hugs,
Jeanette
Quote from: JeanetteLW on April 12, 2017, 11:27:55 PM
Can we get back to the girl parties and food already?
Oh, you would have liked that! It's a monthly event, wine and horderves, with the shop owner and friends pulling out items likely to appeal to the 'regulars', much trying on stuff and applause or commentary from the others, and a hefty amount of sales rung up at the end of the evening. It's a fun crowd, from all over the femme side of the transgender continuum.
Sounds like life for Michelle is really busy and flying along at a great rate of knots. Fantastic and I am glad this is working out for you. I know the early part of going fulltime was difficult for you and you have my admiration for just hanging in there like you have. It can't have been easy...
You sound really confident about with your upcoming FFS and I hope the consult is great. GCS as early as beginning of next year...how great is that possibility. Things seem to be falling into place...I saw the Pic of the group I guessed it was the radio club.
Wouldn't retiring the razor be nice...can't wait myself but it won't be until later this year most likely although I am enjoying not having to worry about it this month...
Liz
Sometimes things get busy to the point of being ridiculous. Accidentally, honest!
Thursday I worked some more on tax and financial paperwork, with a chunk of the afternoon gone to getting a new windshield installed by my friends at the auto glass shop. I should ask if they got those cards I can have punched on each visit, with the 10th one done for free. Then off to shopping a bit, a guided meditation community activity, and home. Friday I had lunch with some friends, and worked on that darn paperwork some more.
Saturday was a nice change of pace. I worked at a family homeless shelter setup to serve a hot breakfast. I managed to relax a bit, just some grocery shopping and light house cleaning. Oh, and I sent off my tax returns.
This morning I went off to cook breakfast for the shelter (scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage for 40), and had some time before the church service so I made potatoes au gratin from scratch for 40. (Take 15 lbs Russet potatoes...) After the church service there, I worked the coffee klatch cleanup, then helped get the Easter dinner put together for the shelter. After dinner I helped clean up, then had an in-depth discussion of IT issues with the head of the Tech Committee for the church. (A church with Information Technology issues!) Yes, I ate breakfast and an early Easter dinner at the shelter, and probably washed a thousand dishes besides cooking. Turkey, ham, green beans two ways, the potatoes, and dessert.
I bet that was different from your Easter, but I spent it with people who accept me as a fellow human being, uncritically, and who appreciate me for what I can do, not judging me on gender details. I found the day to be rewarding and fun, actually.
Tomorrow, I have four hours of electrolysis split across two sessions, and lunch at a diner where the waitress has my order down cold and never misgenders me. (OK, she's also a social worker intern doing a gig at a gender health clinic, but she IS a nice person.)
It's a real life experience, all right.
WOW! Busy busy busy I don't know how you do it Michele. Congratulations on getting the taxes mailed off before the deadline. I always procrastinate with mine and they are a piece of cake. I was happy I got mine filed online before I left for Missouri this year. That was early for me.
I can see how all you charity work can be very rewarding Michelle. Doing good things for others is always a rewarding endeavor and you did a lot. I'm to lazy and too self centered to do stuff like that.
I do not envy the electrolysis sessions, well I do really I should get my butt in gear and do it myself (again that lazy thing) I just don't know how you mange 4 hours at a pop.OUCH!!
Anyway sounds like you are doing Michelle well. Keep up the good work.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Well, I'm driven by my own inner daemons. I find that I HAVE to keep busy. If I have too much time on my hands, I think about things. I may obsess about things. I can get into trouble when that happens.
I also still have some pretty severe dysphoria issues, and I find that keeping busy in a social srtructure that is accepting of me helps with this. Much of the social stress is relieved.
The group at the UU church here has been just wonderful. They're pretty amazing. Even in the little things...
There is a ceremony we have in each service, part of the sharing of joys and sorrows, where folks who have something they need to let go of, or something special they need to make a gesture about will participate in. We each walk to the front of the church, where the minster is standing with a small basket of flat, colored stones. We pick a stone to represent something we need to release, and then step up to a tall glass column of water, and drop the stone in, watching it slowly sink to the bottom.
In church yesterday I got in the queue to pick a stone. When I got to the minister, before I could reach in the basket, she handed me a little heart-shaped stone. I don't know why, but somehow that got to me a bit.
Quote from: Michelle_P on April 17, 2017, 09:02:50 AM
In church yesterday I got in the queue to pick a stone. When I got to the minister, before I could reach in the basket, she handed me a little heart-shaped stone. I don't know why, but somehow that got to me a bit.
Perhaps she can tell that there is a need in you to open your heart a little and let it go so you can let others in.
Hugs,
Jeanette
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJb7cBfrxbo
There's power in stones. A healing stone found me in 2005, I've been carrying it with me ever since then.
Hugs, Devlyn
As someone who can water divine and sex unborn children there is "magic" in all things , remember stone is the building blocks of life
It's been just over a week, and more real life has happened (big surprise, huh?), so have an update!
I finished off with the Easter dinner last week. So, picking up the next day...
Monday:
Electrolysis Day, two 2 hour sessions, morning and afternoon, with a lunch break at The Usual Place. The waitress, Rita, sees me coming and puts my order in. :) I'm so damn predictable. My 26 year old youngest daughter called me during lunch and we had a nice little conversation. The morning electrolysis session cleared my lips and chin area, and the afternoon cleared the left jawline to neck area.
Tuesday:
Taxes are done, payment mailed. Did some grocery shopping, poked around town a bit, then came home to do some paperwork. Light day!
Wednesday:
The weather is warming up, and I need to expand my tiny (no, really) wardrobe a bit. I did need some shoes a bit lighter and more vented than my winter calf and ankle boots, so I picked up a nice pair with a modest 2" chunk heel that should work well with some of the light flare and wide-leg pants that I have in mind. Did a bunch of window shopping, and had a light lunch before heading off to visit my gender therapist an hour away. We had a little group session (3 persons) scheduled, which was both helpful and a nice social interaction. I got dinner afterward and headed back home.
Thursday:
Mohs surgery today! The atypical fibroxanthoma on the crown has to go. Dr. Michael and his assistant were very nice, friendly, and polite. No issues about my appearance, or my detachable hair! We actually worked out using the wig cap and wig as part of the bandaging system over the surgery site. I had a chemo cap (a cute floppy cap in gray linen with a baseball cap style brim, made oversized for chemo and head surgery patients) in my supplies just in case wearing the hairpiece was out during the initial healing period, but it won't be needed. I rested and just did a little window shopping the remainder of the day.
Friday:
Shopping! I had a number of nice things I had finally decided on, so I ran out to the shops and started accumulating material goods. ;D Jeans and good ole T-shirts I got, along with a light everyday dress and a couple nicer skirts, so most of what I was looking for was comfortable and cool but dressier clothing. I picked up some tuck flare wide leg pleated pants in black and a slightly tan pink, drape crew-neck short sleeve Ts in black and white, and a long sleeve v-neck drape T in that tan pink shade. I can mix all of these with other items in my wardrobe pretty easily for professional day and eveningware that will be comfortable in the heat.
Then I met up with some friends from the Diablo Valley Girls for lunch. I rested for a little while and did a few chores, then went off to an amateur radio club charity auction. I got outbid on a lovely late model Heathkit complete radio station, but I scored a Swan 500CX transceiver with matching power supply, speaker, and (LOL!) phone patch for $20. Yes, its a drifty rig and it eats expensive final amplifier tubes like peanuts if one is not careful, but I am careful. No worries...
Saturday
Weekend Activist time! Science March in the morning, then off to our family homeless shelter to fix lunch. Knocked out 10 grilled cheese sandwiches, 10 with ham, and another volunteer put the tomato soup together. We had a break, then onto dinner service, beef bourguignon with egg noodles and some sides. Service and cleanup were done at 8, then home for the night.
Sunday:
Early services, with a pretty neat sermon about expectations and trying to do good with no certainty as to outcome (sound familiar?), then hung out for the coffee hour as a churchmember rather than staff for once. ;D Lunchtime for our guests in the shelter, with leftovers and salad. We had another fairly long break, which I used to clean my apartment, then back for dinner service. One of our guests, a caterer, made a mushroom lentil soup and a fish vegetable soup that were completely from scratch (she started them on Saturday), along with her secret raw dressing for our salad. Dinner was the two soups, salad, a fried rice dish (which I replicated on Monday, with tweaks), and some tasty leftovers. We finished up a little after 8 after serving about 40 meals.
I had an absolute blast working in that huge kitchen with all these great volunteers. Oh, I was dead tired, but what a grand time! I probably washed a thousand dishes, but with commercial gear, this was easy. And cooking on a huge gas range instead of an apartment stove was heavenly. :angel:
Monday:
E-day! Another two 2 hour sessions, and lunch at the local place again. Rita got me my usual, and I even talked to my daughter again during lunch! :laugh:
My electrolyst quickly cleaned up the lips and chin area, then got most of the heavy stuff on the left cheek. After lunch she got the right cheek and jawline to neck. What's left on my face is pretty darn sparse.
I got home and picked up the mail. The ministers at the UU church had sent me a letter inviting me to become a Pastoral Visitor, a "ministery of caring to help those who need a listening listening ear and affirming companionship from their church community." Wow.
This is a pretty amazing thing to have happen to me after only being a member for a few months. It is a position with considerable responsibility. I am concerned, however, that I am already overcommitted significantly, and I am not as strong as the ministers might think. I'm still pretty fragile, under therapy, and facing some personal challenges in my transition and medical care. I'll probably thank them for the honor and politely decline. I'd be afraid of letting someone down in their time of need due to my own failings. (Which I have, although I don't note some things on this site as this is supposed to be a positive and supportive place.)
Anyway, that's my real life for another week. Onward we go!
Once again Michelle I am in awe of your week and the amount you do.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Wow. Over 6 months of Real Life Experience logged so far.
I updated the avatar. The old pic was from January. Let's get a current spring mugshot up!
We had the last of our current series of Community Circle meetings at the local UU church this week. I'll miss the bi-weekly philosophy discussions, but there will be a new session starting for the summer soon enough.
I got in some shopping for warmer-weather clothes, scoring some wide-leg pants, and some dressy looking drape T tops. One 3/4 sleeve V-neck and 2 short sleeve crewneck, but quite dressy looking.
At a group session, a couple of folks were optimistically saying that they planned to just suppress being trans for the sake of their families. Oy. Yeah. Stuffing this in a hole to ferment for another 20 years? What could possibly go wrong? <Raises hand...> I also had a private session this week. We came up with an interesting solution to my sleep problem.
I have difficulty at bedtime. That's when I have to strip away the makeup, put the hair on the stand, and go to bed. The difficulty is bringing myself to, well, put myself away and become that strange echo in the mirror. The fix is that the stranger isn't going to bed any more. I am.
Oh, the hair comes off for a minute while I scrub, but then my 'sleeping hairpiece', my oldest but seemingly indestructible gray hair wig, goes on immediately and I go to bed wearing it. I'm happy, and I sleep better. I wake up and its still there on me. Yes, it's just another one of my many quirks, but I don't care. I haven't had this good a nights sleep in months.
Wednesday I completed the paperwork stack to partition the investment accounts between my ex-wife and myself. I mailed the stack to her to sign, along with an instruction sheet and Post-its where she has to sign on each page. I included a prepaid Priority Mail envelope to send the stack onto the brokerage. She got this on Thursday. I wonder when she'll mail it?
Thursday we had our group meditation and community dinners going again at the church, which I very much enjoy. It is staying light later now, so I walked to the event and back home. A little exercise never hurt.
Friday I had lunch with some friends from our social support group at a local restaurant, and then headed over to my mother-in-laws place to help with some computer and printing problems. Yes, she's 86, computer-literate, and very sharp. We had dinner together and talked politics for a couple of hours. ;D
Saturday evening was fun. I was a guest at a New Members dinner at the UU church. I got all dressed up, warm pink T with 3/4 length sleeves and V-neck, the black wide-leg pant (looks like a maxi-shirt, with pleats, until I walk), my best hair. I had a great time.
Today was Sunday church, with a topic focusing on resistance, in particular to some recent bad social changes in this country. It was a very moving service to me.
Now I'm getting ready to enjoy my last solid meal until Tuesday afternoon. Butter chicken, basmati rice, French beans and carrots. In the morning I'm on a liquid diet. Off to electrolysis for the day, and when I get home, I have a special taste treat.
There's a gallon jug of a lemon-flavored slime with my name on it. By Tuesday morning I'll be clean as a whistle. :P A friend will drive me to Kaiser, and my lower GI tract will have it's 10 year inspection. Oh, joy.
Next Wednesday my calendar is empty. If I feel up to it, I'm going to wander off to San Francisco and have some fun. Thursday I'm going over to Kentfield to have dinner with my mother-in-law and a very interesting person. I'll write about that next week.
I'm having a real life! Yow...
Hey Michelle
Another full week ...I don't know where you get your energy from...Great that the wig is helping you sleep...I am with you...whatever works.
Your electrolysis horror continues...same here, I have electrolysis tomorrow with facial injections about 30 minutes before hand. Hoping to get the final clearance on my top lip...fingers crossed...you must getting close to finishing on your top and bottom lip area(apart from stragglers) after the large amount of work you have had done on it.
Lucky you getting to drink your own special jungle juice...it such delightful stuff
Good luck with whatever "Oscopy" it is that you are having.
Quote from: ElizabethK on April 30, 2017, 10:21:49 PM
Hey Michelle
Another full week ...I don't know where you get your energy from...Great that the wig is helping you sleep...I am with you...whatever works.
Your electrolysis horror continues...same here, I have electrolysis tomorrow with facial injections about 30 minutes before hand. Hoping to get the final clearance on my top lip...fingers crossed...you must getting close to finishing on your top and bottom lip area(apart from stragglers) after the large amount of work you have had done on it.
Lucky you getting to drink your own special jungle juice...it such delightful stuff
Good luck with whatever "Oscopy" it is that you are having.
Thanks! The upper lip down to the chin gets cleared most weeks now in maybe 45 minutes. I skipped a couple weeks on those areas and it took 2 hours to re-clear. All the hairs are immature, and many act like follicles that have never been active, with the hairs coming out at random angles. Re-awakened follicles tend to have hairs growing downward as the fresh hair follows the old follicle out. I'm running out of follicles!
After re-clearing we will spend the rest of the session working on left jawline, and the afternoon session on one of the two sideburn areas or maybe re-clearing the neck.
Yup, nothing like chugging fresh slime. It's prep for a colonoscopy on Tuesday. :P
If I could just spend the next 40 hours or so in deep mindfulness meditation I would. Just detach and let the world flow past until all is done...
Hi Michelle,
Okay now I know my suspicions were correct about your meal post. Once you drink that awful stuff I'm sure it isn't going to be the world flowing by. I've drank that stuff too. I keep reading that 3 year recommendation for another joyful experience after they found a few polyps in me last time. I think I am the only one to have read the recommendation though since it hasn't been scheduled yet. I hope your experience goes as well as mine did. I remember nothing after turning onto my side and them positioning me. Next thing I knew it was over.
I am glad your hair experience is working for you and you are finally sleeping well again. I am also thankful my balding head isn't a trigger for me. In fact I am perfectly okay sitting at home in female attire w/o makeup and wig. Now if I was going out in the public eye, especially in daylight (which I'm not) I would need to have both to not only look right but to feel right. Sweet dreams mon amie, sweet dreams.
I really must look into that facial hair removal thing. What's it called again? The one that is done with electricity? Oh yeah electro shock therapy. Yeah that's it the one where they burn your face off or is the the laser thingy?
well anyway I'm glad they are finding less and less to do on you.
As for your busy schedule well like that Liz person says I don't know how you do it week after week. But you do and you find it rewarding so keep up the good work Michelle. Go girl, Go!!
Hope all goes well for you this next week Michelle and thanks for the updates.
Hugs,
Laurie
Real life can be full of surprises.
Thursday night I went with a friend to an event at a community college in Marin followed by dinner. Surprise! Caitlyn Jenner is touring to promote her new book, and it turns out there is a friend-of-a-friend connection there. I also met another 60s athlete from track and field, who at the age of 84 has just come out and started her transition.
More proof that we are never, ever too old.
I checked my mail a bit after midnight on Friday morning, when I got home. I had an urgent request to appear at a round table discussion on the effects of recent legislation and executive orders on marginalized peoples in the USA. Seems they decided having an actual LGBT community member present might give them some legitimacy. ::) I'm madly finishing prep for this. I'm on in 2 1/2 hours. Eeeep!
Real life has it's twists and turns, but it is fun. Definitely beats the alternative...
Addendum: The panel discussion went well. I just covered some basics; be welcoming and accepting; When trying to help, please don't tell us how we should be, and please be aware that many of us live the lives we lead not as a lifestyle choice or hobby, but out of survival needs. Don't condemn us because our survival offends you. We live with high poverty levels, and many transwoman have had to become sex workers to get by, which can make church communities very uncomfortable.
They listened, and paid attention, I think.
Quote from: Michelle_P on May 06, 2017, 09:50:47 AM
I checked my mail a bit after midnight on Friday morning, when I got home. I had an urgent request to appear at a round table discussion on the effects of recent legislation and executive orders on marginalized peoples in the USA. Seems they decided having an actual LGBT community member present might give them some legitimacy. ::) I'm madly finishing prep for this. I'm on in 2 1/2 hours. Eeeep!
Real life has it's twists and turns, but it is fun. Definitely beats the alternative...
WOW! Michelle what an opportunity for you put forth how this current administration has done a lot to hurt folks like us. I know you will represent us well. Go and take our plight with you. Tell it like it is.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Michelle_P on May 06, 2017, 09:50:47 AM
Addendum: The panel discussion went well. I just covered some basics; be welcoming and accepting; When trying to help, please don't tell us how we should be, and please be aware that many of us live the lives we lead not as a lifestyle choice or hobby, but out of survival needs. Don't condemn us because our survival offends you. We live with high poverty levels, and many transwoman have had to become sex workers to get by, which can make church communities very uncomfortable.
They listened, and paid attention, I think.
What a marvellous opportunity and by the sound of things you nailed it. Congratulations and well done. If your community takes on board what you have said I am sure everyone is going to feel welcomed. Sounds like you covered the important stuff really well.
Thanks. I was very happy with how the panel went.
I had a really fun weekend and even a good Electro-Monday. After that panel I headed back to the apartment for a little lunch, and after a bit of prep, headed off for the monthly consignment shop takeover & party.
Yep, shopping and snacks. >:-) Rather than take the usual store-bought cheese plate or veggies and dip, I like to do something different. Now, the usual snacks are OK with white wine, but red calls for something a bit different. I favor not-too-sweet chocolates and fats with red wine. I picked up a chocolate babka, and carefully added toothpicks and sliced it into 24 pieces (100 cal ea; 50 cal fat). This was a YUGE hit at the party. Yay!
Oh, I scored three pairs of unworn shoes, light airy casual things for the warmer weather that my wardrobe lacked, and a cute Calvin Klein belted grey and white sheath dress. Yaaay!
Sunday morning at church the minister stopped to tell me that the panel organizer from Saturday had said I was the best speaker that he had had at one of these events. Training and experience pays off! ;) I thought that was pretty darn cool, though. I always wondered if I'd lose that with my transition, but it looks to be part of me, not something that was part of the old persona. (Technically that was part of me too, with some bits emphasized and others wildly suppressed ,so I really shouldn't be surprised. I am happy to find this out, though.)
We had a small support group session as well. One of the young folks there had some amazing insights, far beyond their years. I am glad to know them. (No details. It was a support group, after all. Just a neat experience.)
I did my usual two 2 hour sessions of electrolysis today, with the result that my left cheek, upper and lower lip, chin, and left and middle of neck are completely clear, not even any immature hair left. It is sooooo smooth!
Even better, the work was all done with a #3 probe with a small tip and extended insulation, at a current less than a third of what was used initially in my beard a year ago. There was almost no discomfort, and minimal redness afterward. This was all thermolysis, by the way.
I look forward to waking tomorrow with my cheek sliding across the pillowcase ever so smoothly. It is a bit silly but this makes me so darn happy! Simple pleasures and progress in one affirming sensation, I think. :D
Michelle,
I enjoy reading your updates. They are almost always positive and make one feel there is a future out there.
Hugs,
Laurie
I made it to another Friday! LOL! (Retirees and their sense of humor, eh?)
Tuesday was a slow day. I let my face bounce back from E-day, while I puttered around the apartment.
I got a notice that my brokerage had queued up the orders needed to implement the account partitioning mandated by the divorce settlement agreement. The joint account gets split into 'mine' and 'theirs', and I lose a piece of my IRA (rolled over from a 401K). So, I spent several hours checking and re-checking all the orders to make sure each lot of the investments was divided properly, so the division fairly splits capital gains, losses, and tax liability (none of which the mediation attorney considered in his rejected proposal!). It all looks OK, so I will let it proceed.
I also got a message from someone I was keeping an eye on. They were in the area recovering from a surgery and needed some transportation help Wednesday. No problem, as the day was completely open on my calendar.
Later Tuesday I took off before the evening commute gridlocked the area, and headed to my old town where the amateur radio cub would be meeting later. I did a little shopping, parked in a coffee shop and read a little while, then met up with the other members for pizza and then the meeting. It felt odd to sit through the meeting with someone else chairing it. (I didn't run for President this year. Let someone else take a turn. I'll likely miss some meetings while in medical recovery sometime this year.)
Wednesday I got the message that the brokerage orders had executed, with all the results. It came in right as I was leaving the apartment. Yay! I now have control of my finances back, and am out from under the 'security lockout' my ex had triggered posing at their login for the joint account. This is a huge relief. As in, I can buy groceries again.
I picked up our visitor, and got her up to her appointment with plenty of time. We spent a while in a coffee shop just chatting about ancient tech, histories, and art glass! That made for a fun and educational afternoon. I got to meet an absolutely brilliant gal, and I hope I made a new friend out in the world. She made her appointment, and afterward a light meal and off to where she'd be staying.
I love experiences and days like this. The world feels so different from when I was an introverted hermit.
I spent much of Thursday verifying the brokerage order execution and bringing records up to date. Then I filled out the forms to put my correct name on various accounts, now that they were MINE, and not shared with someone who would be offended by my existence. Thursday evenings I head to the UU church for some shared meditation and community dinner (more social stuff!), and then we had a little educational film session, with the 'This Is Me' documentary shorts from the TransParent producers. Attendance: The intern minister, me, and one other person. *SIGH*
I spent Friday morning at a couple of banks, getting my accounts re-named. The regional bank was a piece of cake. BofA, not so much, mostly because they tried to upsell me yet again. I had moved almost everything out of BofA because every time I went in there to take care of a 2 minute teller transaction I got diverted to a 'relationship manager' who spent a half hour trying to sell me bad investments before they would process my deposit or cut a cashiers check. Guess how they handled the name change request...
Friday afternoon I had lunch with friends from the local trans social support group (Yay!), and eventually I made it back to the apartment in time to pick up my protest signs and head to our monthly 'witnessing' event to entertain the evening commuters. That went well. I'd say I had a pretty good personal 'day of visibility' right there.
I finished my dinner and am poking around online now, but getting sleepy. It's been a moderately busy week. I'm tired, happy, and so glad to be out from under that old cloud of depression and anxiety. Just being myself has been such a huge relief.
Hi Michelle,
As is your usually another busy week but this time with a turn towards the better for you. Glad to hear things are finally looking up for you with the asset split getting resolved and you access to yours being restored.
Go to bed and get some rest girl, Gheeze!! Enough already. Go
Hugs,
Laurie
What better revenge is there, than to lead a happy and fulfilling life...I can feel the relief in this post, that you finally have things heading in a direction wholly and solely controlled by you.
Glad to read that things are going your way and you are feeling so positive. ...The bank seemed like it could have been a pain in the derriere...mine was very meticulous but at least they didn't try and sell me anything LOL.
So happy for you that you are now totally free to be yourself. I will most likely be going through similar circumstances next year. My family is aware that I identify as transgender but is not supportive. I plan on announcing my intention to transition sometime in September. I am 95% sure that my wife will want a divorce or at least a separation. This will force me into taking SS a year earlier than I wanted but oh well! I can hardly wait to be living RLE every day as the woman I am. Your story gives me so much hope and hope is the only thing that is keeping me alive and kicking.
Quote from: Stacitg1 on May 14, 2017, 12:44:00 PM
So happy for you that you are now totally free to be yourself. I will most likely be going through similar circumstances next year. My family is aware that I identify as transgender but is not supportive. I plan on announcing my intention to transition sometime in September. I am 95% sure that my wife will want a divorce or at least a separation. This will force me into taking SS a year earlier than I wanted but oh well! I can hardly wait to be living RLE every day as the woman I am. Your story gives me so much hope and hope is the only thing that is keeping me alive and kicking.
Heya Staci,
I'm so sorry to hear about your family, especially your wife, but happy that you'll soon be taking steps toward becoming your best self. I'm encouraged by everyone brave enough to break through and move forward. I don't know if I'd have a vision of what I really wanted without hearing from many people, just like yourself. So please don't underestimate the impact of even small victories on the community at large. Looking forward to hearing more about your journey, good luck!
Erin
Quote from: Stacitg1 on May 14, 2017, 12:44:00 PM
So happy for you that you are now totally free to be yourself. I will most likely be going through similar circumstances next year. My family is aware that I identify as transgender but is not supportive. I plan on announcing my intention to transition sometime in September. I am 95% sure that my wife will want a divorce or at least a separation. This will force me into taking SS a year earlier than I wanted but oh well! I can hardly wait to be living RLE every day as the woman I am. Your story gives me so much hope and hope is the only thing that is keeping me alive and kicking.
Staci, I am so sorry that this is happening to you. Rejection of someone we have spent our lives with is hard to handle, really hard. I spent months trying to deny this was going to happen, and it hit me pretty hard when it did.
The initial move out experience was pretty rough, with new deadlines and rules being issued frequently in the middle of the process. The good news is that within a few weeks of moving out and starting my full time life as myself, my mental state was vastly improved. Oh, I was still pretty fragile, but the depression and anxiety were largely gone as I learned it was possible to exist and function in society on my own.
That's part of why I do this thread, and keep it up. I want others to see what the whole RLE and divorce experience has looked like for one person. There is certainly no guarantee that others will have a similar experience, but with relatively little animosity from the parties involved things can be resolved, and life can not only continue, but improve for us.
I made it through another weekend!
Saturday, now that I have my funds again, was grocery shopping! Oh, joy! Actual food! Fresh fruits and veggies! That was a huge relief. And I can make the rent for this month. (I lost access to all funds from my former partner poking at the login for our joint account too much, combined with the court orders against tinkering with the accounts before settlement.)
I had the usual church and coffee klatch this morning. This afternoon I stopped for coffee and did some shopping, to pick up a couple of light cardigans to wear as the weather gets warmer here. I also managed to get 11,000 steps in. (I may spring for a compact stationary bike to help with getting my heart rate up daily.) I got some of my banking data up to date, and cleaned my desk while I baked a chicken pot pie for dinner. ;)
Monday is E-day, two of my 2 hour electrolysis sessions, with a lunch break at a local diner in between. I'm such a regular there that I walk in and Rita, my usual waitress, just puts my order in and brings me a decaf coffee as I am seated. :) This may be a special E-day. I shaved last Thursday, just my right cheek, right neck, and a little patch on the left. I haven't shaved the upper or lower lip and chin area in quite a while. After this visit the thin stuff on the right side should be gone, and with any luck the little patch on the left will also be clear. That may make last Thursday the last time I have had to shave, ever. If not last week, then this week.
Past this week I am pretty sure that just the electrolysis sessions will be enough to keep my face clean of hair. I hope...
Tuesday is another special day, when I have my consult for FFS with Dr. Klineberger (https://mydoctor.kaiserpermanente.org/ncal/provider/andrewkleinberger/about/professional). He did a 1 year fellowship under Dr. Jeffery Spiegel. This should be interesting. "Doc, can you fix me?" Goddess, I hope so!
A group session Tuesday night, I see my old gender therapist Wednesday, Thursday I have off, a lunch meet up and a meeting on Friday, the first Pride event of the season on Saturday, and away we go again.
Hi Michelle,
It almost sounds like you took the weekend off. It didn't sound as busy as it usually does. Another sound I get from this post is a lighter freer tone. Being out from under the yoke is good for you.
Here you are tell us you're nearing the end of facial torture (and that's great) and here I am about to start mine. I picked up some aspercream and witch hazel at the store today but couldn't find any aloe vera gel. Probably because I don't know what I'm looking for or where to find it. Aloe moisturizer, aloe lotion, I think I even saw aloe bandaids but no aloe gel. A little online research should fix that. My doc is sending out some EMLA but I'm not sure it will make it here before Thursday.
Good luck with your consult. I'm sure you'll be fine and be satisfied with the meeting. Just another step in the process and nothing you cannot handle.
You're doing great Michelle. Keep it up and thank you for keeping us newbies informed.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Michelle_P on May 14, 2017, 11:24:59 PM
Monday is E-day, two of my 2 hour electrolysis sessions, with a lunch break at a local diner in between. I'm such a regular there that I walk in and Rita, my usual waitress, just puts my order in and brings me a decaf coffee as I am seated. :) This may be a special E-day. I shaved last Thursday, just my right cheek, right neck, and a little patch on the left. I haven't shaved the upper or lower lip and chin area in quite a while. After this visit the thin stuff on the right side should be gone, and with any luck the little patch on the left will also be clear. That may make last Thursday the last time I have had to shave, ever. If not last week, then this week.
Past this week I am pretty sure that just the electrolysis sessions will be enough to keep my face clean of hair. I hope...
Insanely jealous its you and not me :D but well done what a great effort. You seem to have managed a huge progression in such a short amount of time....amazing
Liz
Argggh, all this talk of E-days. Glad you're nearing the end of the follicle wars Michelle just as mine's about to start.
Going to book it Thursday after my makeover. I budgeted it last week only to have my washing machine break down and flood the kitchen. But i'm determined not to miss out on all the fun, I may have to start off with 30min sessions for now, but start I will.
Glad the funds are back, and there's food in the pantry, and thanks again for the wig tips. Not a sign of a headache the past few days ;D
Peace and love and all that good stuff,
Sadie
Well, I think I might be shaving again this week. It's going slowly as we clear the finer stuff that would otherwise turn into mature terminal hair.
Note that I'll be stopping shaving at a point where it still takes 3-4 hours a week to keep clear. That's a bit more than most folks are willing to put up with, and I expect it will go on for a while.
Time to go prep for the afternoon session...
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I sort of dread doing the facial hair but i know i will. Half of me wants to say to the world " yeah i'm a girl with a bit of scruff, deal with it" but the other half of me says girl, get your stuff done, all your stuff.
Quote from: RobynD on May 15, 2017, 02:26:26 PM
I sort of dread doing the facial hair but i know i will. Half of me wants to say to the world " yeah i'm a girl with a bit of scruff, deal with it" but the other half of me says girl, get your stuff done, all your stuff.
I tried to convince myself of that, but some introspection revealed to me that the darn facial hair and the male drill of shaving were bringing on some pretty intense waves of anxiety and dysphoria. It has to go.
And, my afternoon session made much progress, with the entire right cheek and neck cleared. The patch on the left cheek was cleared, as were some other little bits left on the chin and lower left cheek. There are perhaps 60-80 hairs of fresh growth on the left neck.
So, my marching orders for next week are to shave the left neck area up to the jawline once (1 time) in the next day or so and let everything grow. I'll have a two hour session next week to get the heaviest regrowth, nothing the following week (on holiday), and then two 2 hour sessions the following week; one to keep the face cleared and one to start genital clearing for GCS.
I've got a dinner and meetup with friends in the social support group tonight, and tomorrow I have my first consult for FFS, followed by a Kaiser group session tomorrow evening.
Sometimes transition feels like a full-time job. The pay is lousy but the benefits are great...
And even more stuff has happened...
The dinner and meetup was fun, as always. This one was an anniversary party for the social support group. I've been active in it maybe 7 months, but the group has been running for 26 years now. The founder and still the organizer of this group is pretty amazing. The membership is a really nice crowd, from all over the femme transgender spectrum. It is pretty neat to see the way everyone presents at the meetups. Yes, there's some over-the-top, and some 'underachievers', but that is all part of the package.
Today, I had my FFS consult with Dr. Klineberger (https://mydoctor.kaiserpermanente.org/ncal/provider/andrewkleinberger/about/professional). He wanted to know if I was familiar with what was available, so we chatted, and I emphasized that while understanding the individual procedures, I had trouble imagining the integrated result, and would be trusting him in the details and approach to take. My goal is simply to pass without doing that 25 minute makeup drill. I want to be able to just walk out of the apartment and not get 'Sir'ed. (As happened on my walk to the appointmentment. :( )
So, we went down the list from, er, top to bottom. There are a number of procedures recommended, some medically necessary, and a few cosmetic ones that I would love to have done and will be happy to cover out of pocket. Here's my list, as summarized by me, so I may have dropped some details and items.
Medically necessary treatments:
Type 3 forehead revision with incision high on the head, above what should be my hairline.
Raise eyebrows and reduce orbital bone
Dorsal reduction and slight rotation of the nose
Lip lift
Jawline reduction done through the mouth
Tracheal shave with incision just under the chin, and laryngeal camera used to verify that the vocal fold attachment point is not damaged.
Cosmetic treatment (not covered by insurance)
Lower facelift
Upper blepharoplasty on right eye
Filler below eyes to reduce groove along nose
The blepharoplasty can be done with the forehead revision. The filler is an office procedure, no big deal. The lower facelift would be done well after FFS, once swelling and residual anesthesia effects are gone (6 months?) and would be combined with the lip lift so the Kaiser surgery can be used rather than a private clinic. (One insured procedure is needed to use the Kaiser facilities!)
I'll be getting a CT scan of my head in the next few days, to be used in planning.
This is going to be an interesting experience...
Are you getting excited Michelle? I would be.
I'm thinking more and more I want to go Kaiser with my medicare. Right now I don't know how that would affect my VA medical. I'll have to look into it.
Go Michelle go!
Hugs,
Laurie
Good Luck with the procedures, to be able to have this done will make a huge difference for you. Great news for you. :)
Well... let's not get ahead of ourselves. The treatment plan has to be approved by the insurance side, and then the surgery scheduled. They're already booked into late 2018.
I go onto Medicare then, and that Federal plan could affect what treatment is permitted and covered.
That's a long way away.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Quote from: Michelle_P on May 16, 2017, 10:44:49 PM
Well... let's not get ahead of ourselves. The treatment plan has to be approved by the insurance side, and then the surgery scheduled. They're already booked into late 2018.
I go onto Medicare then, and that Federal plan could affect what treatment is permitted and covered.
That's a long way away.
Yeah, I suppose.
For myself I guess I should concentrate on my first electrolysis visit before running over to Kaiser and scheduling my surgeries.
Hugs,
Laurie
Well, I got the price tag for FFS. The options and undercoating came in cheaper than I thought, so I'm going to bite the bullet and tell the scheduler to put me down for The Works. Eeeep! My mother-in-law says my vanity has a steep price. Dysphoria, ma'am, not vanity...
Meanwhile, I'm cranking through some other odds and ends. I got my bank cards, with the proper name on them. Nothing to deadname me in my bag now! I need to revise the name on the auto registration and pink slip next, and fix the name on the insurance policy. I can't think of anything else to fix, name wise.
I worked up a display board design for the LGBTQ program I'm helping put together in my home town, and sent it off for review by the committee. (Everything has to have a committee... everything...)
I decided to design and print some new business cards for myself while I was at it. Now I have cards for my Physics and Tech presentations and talks, and another set for the LGBTQ activities and my talks on gender issues. Just in time, too! Tonight I was approached after a meeting about teaching part of the antenna theory courses to be done at a western US convention of amateur radio operators in October. I just whipped out the new card and said, "Sure. Just give me a call."
How perfessional-like...
I'll be working the Information and Volunteers Desk at the first Pride event of the season tomorrow, which takes a big chunk out of the day. It should be fun, though. Good think I have more business cards, eh?
Sunday it looks like I'll be busy, with church, a congregational forum, chili cookoff (I'm in the kitchen again, supporting the chili chefs!), and a concert.
Keeping busy is good for me. I don't handle long idle periods well. Too much time to think...
Hi Michelle,
I am happy for you that you feel you can go for the deluxe trim package with all the bells and whistles. The price may be steep but I think in the long run you will be glad you went for the brass ring.
Busy busy busy as usually even working on those mundane tasks so you can reap the rewards of them later. Good girl getting them done.
Church, radio club KP duties, my you do stretch yourself thin don't you?
Well, enjoy your weekend. (I know you thrive on work)
Hugs,
Laurie
With your your femme bone structure already.... you are going to look so good..... good luck look forward to seeing you revealed 😊
Markie, it will be a while before I even get scheduled for surgery. 2019 bookings aren't open yet.
Meanwhile, I had a fun weekend, working a booth for a local LGBTQ organization at a Pride event Saturday, and visiting with some friends. On Sunday the chili cookout was a blast! 9 different chilis to taste, all good, all very different from each other, plus cornbread and margaritas, in 95 degree spring weather! (Great excuse to wear that sheath dress...)
Today I had electrolysis, just one 2 hour session from scheduling issues, and I have none next week due to the Memorial Day holiday. My operator did a great job of cleaning up as much as possible on me, although a full clearing would have needed that second session I usually do. When I go back in a couple weeks one of the two sessions will be the start of genital clearing. Gotta get that going!
I was thinking of going over to see a museum exhibit on The Summer of Love tomorrow. Just think, I lived through that as a teen, and now it's a museum exhibit. If I hold still too long they may put an exhibit plaque on me...
Chili sounds good but wasn't it a bit warm for it?
Summer of love huh? oh you bring back memories. I was a freshman in high school in Hawaii, a longer haired hippy wannabe Navy brat. That was also the protest years of our Vietnam involvement. Gosh the music was great in those days. Bob Dylan, Hendrix, Joplyn's blues, Jefferson Airplane, The Doors, Cream, Iron Butterfly. I could go on and on..
Thank for the memories Michelle,
Hugs,
Laurie
Ohh I hadn't figured on waiting lists.... I better get a move on myself
Still your out there bigger then life awesome living the life😊
I've had something interesting to do almost every day for the past week.
Tuesday I for over to San Feancisco and checked out the 'Summer of Love' exhibit, very far out, with posters, clothing, and music from the late 60s and lots of arcana on display. They even had a display of LP records from the period (many of which are in a milk crate next to me). Hey, I'm a historical artifact. Whoa!
I had a late lunch at Nopalito, a spinoff from the insanely popular NOPA restaurant. Nopalito does simple, fresh Mexican food, with a wonderful emphasis on flavor and quality. Wonderful!
I also checked out one of those 3D IMAX action-adventure films, mostly because I was curious as to how the experience may have improved (old graphics nerd here with patents on some 3D stuff). :P It hasn't. All sorts of bad artifacts, optical issues with the 3D glasses, difficulty in motion tracking due to not understanding how human vision works, etc. Not worth the money.
Wednesday I drove to my private therapy session, an hour away, and spent the afternoon poking around the college town there. Just fun and relaxing.
Thursday I worked on some projects, presentation stuff for the LGBT activism group I am involved with. We have some nice displays to use at events now. There was also the last community dinner of the season right after the "Vespers" guided meditation session at the local UU church. That was also pleasant.
Friday I had lunch with some friends from our social support group, a regular weekly thing we do, followed by spending some time with my mother-in-law helping her with a few odds and ends.
Saturday was fun. I helped with setup, cooking and cleanup at the UU church barbecue, handing the grill for about 2 straight hours. We had something like 50 people show up, about twice the number that had RSVP'd. Stretch those burgers... That evening I was doing laundry and washing my hair for some reason or other.
Sunday was church services, and the first use of those LGBT displays during the coffee klatch after services.
On Monday, Memorial Day, I wound up back at my mother-in-laws to help her out of a bit of a computer crisis. (Bad cable, as it turns out, an easy fix.) I got home in the afternoon, changed, and headed out to dinner with around 20 folks from my trans femme support group at a nice local restaurant. Oddly, it was the same place I took my ex-wife on our first date. ;) I found myself sitting next to one of the parents of a younger member of our group, an ex-military person who was delighted to have another vet to chat with. It was an interesting, enjoyable evening.
I'm free tomorrow, and trying to figure out if I should work on a presentation I'm doing Friday, or just goof off. Goofing off is in the lead right now.
Time to go catch the train and head off to group therapy now!
QuoteI'm free tomorrow, and trying to figure out if I should work on a presentation I'm doing Friday, or just goof off. Goofing off is in the lead right now.
Vote 1 Goofing off!!! :D :D
Sounds like a pretty awesome week, we got takeout from nopalito, it was pretty much amazing and my first quasi real meal post op :-).
Hi Michelle,
Yep I'm with Liz on this one. Tomorrow is a goof off day for you. You need some of those once in awhile with your busy life.
Hugs,
Laurie
My goof-off day turned into a 'wait for the construction workers' day as the company renovating the condo exterior decided my sliding glass doors onto the 2nd floor balcony needed to be removed and re-flashed. So, with no doors all day leaving didn't seem like the best choice.
All better now, and the doors are back and more or less work. Yes, they re-installed the 15 year old doors. Penney-wise, pound foolish.
My cancer screening went OK. One suspect new one excised, one keratosis frozen, and I get to do another Efudex pass on my hands and forearms. Oh, joy.
A few of us in the LGBTQ committee met to review a documentary, "The Freedom to Marry", before we do a large showing and discussion (up to 200 attendees expected!). That went fairly well. Excellent documentary on the runup to the recent Supreme Court decision, BTW.
I got everything together, about 10 hours work, for a tech presentation and Q&A session tonight in a town about 40 miles from here. It went well. The audience of radio amateur operators, 26 men and one other woman, were attentive and asked good questions. There were no issues with the presenter, and all the feedback was positive. I think I passed...
I'm also exhausted from two hours of 'being on', as well as a lot of driving in SF region commute traffic. Yuck.
I've got 3 hours of cleaning work to do in the morning in our community kitchen. Then I have another presentation to do in 10 days. This will be a new one, so I need to write my script and generate slides. I also have to prep some stuff for the movie showing in two weeks, and design new ID badges for the LGBTQ committee members.
Quiet day for you huh?
Huggles and thanks again for teaching me about inductance!
Quote from: SadieBlake on June 03, 2017, 09:26:50 AM
Quiet day for you huh?
Huggles and thanks again for teaching me about inductance!
Oh, you know me well enough that I don't sit still for long and will always find something to do. Besides, I find that when the subject matter has some interest for me, I enjoy teaching!
Interesting weekend. Started off sort of gross and then turned fun.
Saturday morning I joined the others on the Kitchen Committee to the on some cleaning and repairs in the community kitchen, wearing old jeans and a denim shirt. Not very femme of me! I offered to clean the refrigerator. Yow... Bear in mind that I was one of the few folks in my Navy days small enough to be lowered into a sanitary tank to do inspections and repair closeouts. This was worse.
I completely emptied the huge commercial fridge, and sorted stuff into "unexpired and looks OK", "expired or looks nasty", and unlabeled repackaged leftovers. The latter two groups got turned into compost and recyclables. I removed the interior shelving for washing, scraped the mysterious glop out of the bottom (pretty thick mix of spilled 'stuff' left to age for a while), scrubbed the entire interior and door seals out, cleaned the shelving, and reassembled the thing in about 2.5 hours. I washed and sanitized the recovered kitchen bowls and storage containers that were salvageable, then cleaned up the wash area.
This left me smelly and tired. When I got home, I cleaned myself up, shower and whatnot, and put on leggings and a dress I really liked. I did my makeup, and felt human finally. I thought I'd reward myself that night by going out to dinner, and had a fun thought. I put a little blurb out for 'friends' on Facebook offering to buy them dinner if they'd like to join me. I was prepared to dine alone, what I usually do, but thought it might be fun to see if anyone else at loose ends would like to join me.
Yes! One person, possibly my favorite friend, was available. We get along really well, and often wind up making each other laugh repeatedly with slightly silly antics. So, a little later we met up at the restaurant, and wound up spending a couple of hours together, commiserating, laughing, and sharing secrets. Oh, but we both had a grand time!
I walked my friend back to their car and headed back to my apartment, stopping at a Peet's for a little cappuccino on the way. I had a wonderful evening.
This morning I woke early, and finished some graphics tasks, little things for a committee project. It was still early, and I hadn't eaten yet. I knew I wouldn't get back from the UU church activities until mid-afternoon, so I needed to do some sort of brunch to hold me till evening. Ah, a local bistro I like had just opened its doors for the Sunday crowd and would not be too busy yet, so I headed over for breakfast. Veggie egg white omelet, fresh fruit, and a small bowl of oatmeal hit the spot, along with coffee and complementary coffee cake. Afterward I stopped to buy some flowers and headed to church.
The UU service today featured their Flower Communion ceremony, which was really nice, a pretty and uplifting thing. The coffee klatch went well, and I distributed some of the new LGBTQ group name tags we did up. After a coffee break we went into a Congregational Assembly to handle business and recognize some folks. They'd read out some info on a person's activities, what was award-worthy, and then name the person and have them come forward for the award. That's when I got a surprise.
They started reading off activities that sounded familiar, and I started trying to guess which of the people I worked with was getting the award. Nancy? No, they mentioned the coffee service. Melissa? No, they mentioned grilling at the BBQ. Um. That was me! I had my name called out and I walked up to the sanctuary in front of everyone, and was given an award for outstanding volunteer service from a new member. Wow.
After the meeting and socializing, I headed home, tidied up, then went out (with 3 days of hair on my face, BTW. Electrolysis in the morning.) to take care of a few things. First, I had promised myself summer-weight walking shoes, and I had something in mind. Off to a shoe store, where I picked up the samples and asked if they had those in a 42 (my size in this particular line; the shoes run narrow and small; I usually take a 10 to 9 1/2 US). They did! Score one-oh. Next, I wanted a couple of midi to maxi skirts, in a lighter shade, for casual summer wear. I find them much more comfortable than tight jeans on hot days. Again, I found two at pretty good prices. Score 3-0.
Back home, fixed dinner, spend an hour on the phone doing planning and yakking for an upcoming event, and finally got on line to catch up.
I've learned some things recently. One very important thing is to shut up and listen. Just listen. Don't interrupt the other person, just let them talk, and make affirming gestures. But really listen! That's particularly important.
It seems that many people don't listen to others, and feel a need to comment on, or worse, correct what another person is saying, no matter how important what they are saying is to them. Really listening helps them to communicate, and helps you to really understand them. It fosters a deeper connection. And that's important, too.
Hi Michelle,
I hear ya! Now what did you say again? It sounded important.
"An award for outstanding volunteer service" I could have told them that. You're always outstanding Michelle. Congratulations!
Again you had your busy , ever busy, week. Filled with the good and not so good but always so fulfilling for you.
Hugs,
Laurie
Well...just wow. If instant karma actually exists, this should be your best week ever. You're looking more like Maslow's idealized poster girl every day. Have a great week, Michelle. I suspect you will, regardless of what circumstances may be presented you.
Thanks, Lisa! Yes, now that you mentioned it, I think that perhaps transition and RLE has uncorked the bottle and set me loose. I had to go back and re-read Maslow's hierarchy. Yes, I think I may be well on course to becoming Self-Actualized Girl. (My superpowers are tenacity and stubbornness.)
I'm at electrolysis right now finishing my lunch break. Jodie was surprised that I wanted to start off the week with bottom work, and really surprised that we went the full two hours without a break. Since I could talk easily (unlike face work) I thought I'd keep the ball rolling and entertain her for a change. [emoji23].
Talking through the whole process is distracting, a good thing that made it much easier. We were both surprised at how much was cleared!
We'll do a couple hours on the face this afternoon, then I'll grab a coffee and head home. I'm meeting with our social support group tonight for dinner and conversation.
Yup, that covers all of Maslow's hierarchy of needs for the day. [emoji75]
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
LOL.....go get em' girl! You'll hear me drop Maslows name quite often around here as it's virtually my dogmatic framework. You're rippinng it up and quite frankly?....fun to watch! Glad I'm not in a damned race with you or a competition with you, or just plain in your way :laugh: to be sure.
I did a lot of odds and ends this week. Taught some kids how to build folding signs out of foam board that can be taken to events easily and unfold to large legible signs in seconds! Went out for coffee and pie with the kids regular minder who runs their evening class, and had a small adventure. Put together another presentation around the documentary "The Freedom To Marry". Had an editing and revisions session with a sponsoring committee. Picked up my imiquimod for a new round of DIY chemo. (Kids, use sunblock!)
I got invited on a last minute date to a political event :) . We had a great time, and afterward when she dropped me off at my place, we spent about 45 minutes sitting in her car having one of those heart-to-heart talks. :D I think I'm making progress at releasing my femme side... :icon_yikes:
Lunch today with friends in the trans social support group; planning our first summer BBQ, and sadly, a memorial for the Pulse club murders on the June 12th anniversary.
Tomorrow we take over that upscale consignment store for a private party. I'm bringing chocolate dipped strawberries that I'll make in the morning, and grape leaves stuffed with a rice, onion, tomato, and pepper mix already chilling in the fridge. (I love puttering about in the kitchen. My nest-building instincts are strong.)
Oh, I've now got a full year in on HRT as of a few hours ago. It's probably time for the first year picture in a before-and-after series. My Real Life Experience time is closing in on 8 months. I recently had my first surgeons meeting for FFS, and am now scheduled to meet with my GCS surgeon in late July. Stuff is happening!
Wow, congratulations on the year of hrt! I know that was a big milestone for me (that coincided with getting my GCS date).
You know when I spent an afternoon with you last month I found you seemed entirely comfortable in your female skin.
Hugs and enjoy your Saturday!
Happy 1st HRTday Michelle! It's been a pleasure to follow your progress with :) I bet it's flown by.
Peace and love and all that good stuff,
Sadie
Whoa! Both Sadies! It's Deja Vu all over again... (bad pun for the gals I was with last night).
Yes, Sadie, I think I am finally comfortable in my own skin. It took a while, and real life full time certainly helped push it along.
Sadie, the 8 months I have been enjoying RLE have just flown by. The time before that, not so much. That was a pretty painful period in my life. I'm better now.
I did another tech presentation last night, "More Compact Antennas" for the Benicia Amateur Radio Club. It's another sneaky physics lesson and refresher on basic principles hidden inside a lecture that looks relevant to the audience.
These are really fun to put together, and I enjoy that "Oh, I get it!" moment in the faces of some of the audience when something in the firehose of information engages with them.
Tonight's presentation went well, and my voice wasn't totally fried by the end of the night, so my speech therapist might be happier with me. :) It still didn't sound very good, unfortunately.
The presentation was recorded and shared on Facebook with my permission. You can see it in my feed if the Facebook deities are in a good mood. As soon as I am distracted by the subject matter I lose the voice totally, and years of old bad habits dominate. I hate it, but it just takes time, years of time, to wipe a half century of old habits and build new ones.
https://www.facebook.com/Michelle.P001 or in several videos here https://www.facebook.com/pg/BeniciaARC/videos/?ref=page_internal
One more argument for starting voice work early!
I should probably keep my phone out and running a pitch monitor during presentations to prompt me to at least maintain throat and breath control even if I do blow off prosody.
More stuff to work on... :(
Hi Michelle,
Miss Moni's bad habits must be getting to me. I too would like to note your 1 year on HRT and the RLE progress you have made. Obviously I can only speak for the 6 months I've been here, but in that time I've appreciated the comments and help you've thrown my way. I've enjoyed you sharing your progress with use through this thread. These mini blogs help those of us that are newer see that transition isn't easy. It shows there are good times and bad times but they also show there is hope and proof that it can be done. Your progress has been an inspiration to me and the support you give is welcome.
Thank you Michelle and congrats!
Hugs,
Laurie
Oh I'm reminded, I'd meant to ask you about fractal antenna designs, just one of many subjects I didn't get to.
I met a string theory researcher today, didn't have much time to pick his brains.
Quote from: SadieBlake on June 14, 2017, 07:31:00 PM
Oh I'm reminded, I'd meant to ask you about fractal antenna designs, just one of many subjects I didn't get to.
I met a string theory researcher today, didn't have much time to pick his brains.
Oh, those antennas are weird. I've seen them in portable UHF and microwave gear but have not run across any good tech analysis.
String theory sounds like more fun. "And how many extra dimensions does YOUR model need to hold the wiggly bits?" [emoji6]
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Quote from: Michelle_P on June 14, 2017, 11:56:37 AM
I did another tech presentation last night, "More Compact Antennas" for the Benicia Amateur Radio Club. It's another sneaky physics lesson and refresher on basic principles hidden inside a lecture that looks relevant to the audience.
These are really fun to put together, and I enjoy that "Oh, I get it!" moment in the faces of some of the audience when something in the firehose of information engages with them.
Tonight's presentation went well, and my voice wasn't totally fried by the end of the night, so my speech therapist might be happier with me. :) It still didn't sound very good, unfortunately.
The presentation was recorded and shared on Facebook with my permission. You can see it in my feed if the Facebook deities are in a good mood. As soon as I am distracted by the subject matter I lose the voice totally, and years of old bad habits dominate. I hate it, but it just takes time, years of time, to wipe a half century of old habits and build new ones.
https://www.facebook.com/Michelle.P001 or in several videos here https://www.facebook.com/pg/BeniciaARC/videos/?ref=page_internal
One more argument for starting voice work early!
I should probably keep my phone out and running a pitch monitor during presentations to prompt me to at least maintain throat and breath control even if I do blow off prosody.
More stuff to work on... :(
Hey now Michelle even Trump has learned to use teleprompters. So old folks can be taught.
It seems easier for me to maintain tonal quality and pitch when I can speak softly andquietly. When I'm forced to speak loudly, I've found maintaining anyquality to be a much more difficult task and my pitch takes a nosedive. Were you miked?
Quote from: jentay1367 on June 15, 2017, 10:27:50 PM
It seems easier for me to maintain tonal quality and pitch when I can speak softly andquietly. When I'm forced to speak loudly, I've found maintaining anyquality to be a much more difficult task and my pitch takes a nosedive. Were you miked?
I've noticed the same thing. I do have a personal amplifier I've used elsewhere for presentations, a waist-mounted amplifier and speaker linked to a headset microphone. I should have used it.
I'm trying to develop the volume and maintain pitch, including up-pitch on word ending and prosody, but it's slow going.
Quote from: Michelle_P on June 16, 2017, 12:28:25 AM
I'm trying to develop the volume and maintain pitch, including up-pitch on word ending and prosody, but it's slow going.
Yeah....I think it'll happen organically. This stuff just doesn't seem to want to be pushed. I've found I'm starting to fall into speaking this fashion as opposed to how I did before. It kind of gives me hope that there's a tipping point of sorts.
So what takes you to that tipping point, I have to almost still tune up before talking ...is it really time and practice??
I'm not sure, Liz. I think for me it's simply repetitiveness. I made the choice not to go back and forth any longer about a month ago and I think that's been key. Ive found now that when I open my mouth and speak my voice comes out and not "his". It's still not perfect by a long shot. But it isn't a long shore man's voice either. So when I'm conscious of my voice I continue to raise, hone and define it. It's a bit of the down the rabbit hole thing and faking it till I'm making it.
Quote from: ElizabethK on June 16, 2017, 01:55:28 AM
So what takes you to that tipping point, I have to almost still tune up before talking ...is it really time and practice??
Yes, I think that's about it. Time, practice, and not backsliding!
I THINK that what is happening is that we are rewiring the speech centers of the brain, learning the more gender-appropriate way of forming and assembling phonemes for our culture, while trying to suppress and overwrite decades of old training for the other gender. That last bit is something not typically faced by ciswomen, and is a real challenge for us, as that old training is pretty much the automatic default.
I find that I have to be much more aware of each sound, throat tensioning, tongue placement, and so on than I was with the old voice. That said, certain parts of my new voice are already settling in.
Chest voice now feels unnatural and wrong, and I seem to default to a better pitch, around A3. That tells me I probably wouldn't benefit much from voice feminization surgery, which alters pitch, but doesn't touch cultural language training. (Voice training often associated with VFS does address that, but that's what I get from a speech therapist anyway.) With a little concentration I can be at C4 pretty easily.
The monitor software I use, SingScope, shows a graph of frequencies vs time, so I can easily see if I start ending words of phrases with the male down-pitch rather than the proper neutral or up-pitch shift for English and our culture. (Caution: Too much up-pitch and we sound like a Valley Girl. OMG! Grody to the MAX! OK fine, fer sure, fer sure!)
For exercise in prosody, I've got Aesop's Fables on the e-book reader, and I'll read one of the stories into SingScope, checking the frequencies, looking out for dropping pitch, and playing it back for prosody and overall sound. It's a lot of work, and there are days when I just blow it all off, which isn't helping. :-\
If I speak softly I can sort of get by now, and generally can pass on the telephone if I'm careful. It's really hard when out with friends, as I easily relax and drop into old bad habits. That defeats the goal of not using the old voice and only reinforcing the new training.
I'll get there eventually. I can out-stubborn the stupid speech center.
Thanks Michelle I don't feel quite so bad. I guess I found my voice fairly quickly and have now been given many of the tools I need by my speech therapist ....but I also noticed that unless I think about it I will slip back into bad habits. I use magic stave to monitor my pitch but unless you are going to be using a singsong type of voice its not great at showing you where you are dropping. Over time I have gotten a better at reading it but it is still not great.
Have downloaded a copy of singscope and will have a play with that...first looks and I can see a far easier way to see where I am dropping pitch than magic stave does...I also like that it shows how much variation you are using in your pitch...OK new toy to play with when practicing today. ;D
Hi Michelle,
Don't worry, you'll get through it. I went through the same thing. It was hard, but now I finally have my life back. I hope you have a support network of friends. A good therapist is essential to help you weather the storm. BTW: I went through mediated divorce in CA about 1 year ago and I'm in the same age group as you. Let me know if you have any questions I can help with.
best wishes-
Michele
(just one "l")
Meanwhile this week just flew by. I've been really busy again. On Wednesday, after that meeting and presentation, I saw my therapist for our regular private session, then headed to my mother-in-laws place to visit with her and fix a few odds and ends. Thursday was mostly prep and errand running for an event I did on Friday.
Friday was the big day. I helped run an event, showing the movie "The Freedom To Marry" (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt5241356/) up at the Unitarian Universalist church, as a fundraising event for a local LGBTQ support organization. Through considerable effort, we managed to get 110 paying customers there on a Friday night, at a church, to see a documentary film. I'd say it was a successful event.
It was about marriage, though. People seeking to join in partnership for mutual love and companionship... Naturally it got me to think about my marriage, 39 years ending next Wednesday. I'll be single then, and living on my own as a singe adult for the first time in my life. It is a very bittersweet event.
The UU church offers a monthly support group for folks going through major life transitions. I think I qualified, so I headed to the Saturday morning group meeting. Yup. That helped. We talked, I listened, I passed out my contact info cards, and even hung out for a while afterward with one of the other folks, swapping life stories and doing a little tech support for her. That was nice. Human connection is something basic but important to our lives.
Saturday afternoon and evening I got to relax at a pool party with my trans women's social support group. That was nice, too. Pool, BBQ, good conversation with friends and some spouses.
On Sunday I was at the UU church for services and the coffee klatch, and hung out chatting with one of my friends well into the afternoon. I finally excused myself, and headed downtown for what might have been the biggest single event I've had in months.
I met my 26 year old youngest daughter, the one who lives with Mom, for dinner and our second meeting after my going full-time. This was very different from the first meeting that my mother-in-law had arranged.
She saw me, walked up and immediately hugged me. :) That's a breakthrough right there. We spent two hours at dinner chatting and catching up, with me trying very hard to use my deep listening tools to pay close attention to everything she was saying, and deliberately making the conversation about her. (Too much 'me', not enough 'her' has been an issue in the past.). She seemed to be having a good time, and was pretty relaxed with me by the end of the dinner. We hugged again in parting as she headed home.
...
I just got home from my two 2 hour electrolysis sessions, my electro-Mondays, and realized this hadn't posted. (Oops...). When I was writing it last night I was interrupted by a phone call from a friend, and we spent a couple hours straight gabbing away till midnight. She had called to let me know about a meeting, and the topic drifted a bit over the next couple hours. :D I think I'm showing signs of cultural assimilation... ;)
I look at how awesome a human you are. Think that you lost your wife, realize I still have mine, ponder the unfairness of it all, stare the beast that is my existence down it's throat and internalize that I have no control. It's daunting sometimes. Preparedness doesn't always equal success. Sometimes...dumb luck is at play.
I am however, so happy to see you finding your path and trailblazing the way you have. So many of us ponder writing a book about our transition. But ours is a derivative story and there's nothing new to add to the already treadworn conversation. You, on the other hand, well....you may just have a story to tell. Not only is it interesting on a bunch of levels, but it may serve as a touchstone for those that are looking for a way through the morass that is their difficult transition. I've certainly gained from the experiences you've shared. It's been elucidating. So thanks, Michelle, it's always awesome to read your bio. There is always food for thought to be found here.
Quote from: Michelle_P on June 19, 2017, 06:34:42 PM
I met my 26 year old youngest daughter, the one who lives with Mom, for dinner and our second meeting after my going full-time. This was very different from the first meeting that my mother-in-law had arranged.
She saw me, walked up and immediately hugged me. :) That's a breakthrough right there. We spent two hours at dinner chatting and catching up, with me trying very hard to use my deep listening tools to pay close attention to everything she was saying, and deliberately making the conversation about her. (Too much 'me', not enough 'her' has been an issue in the past.). She seemed to be having a good time, and was pretty relaxed with me by the end of the dinner. We hugged again in parting as she headed home.
...
That is such a great breakthrough, So much hard work and patience. You really deserve to have this work out so well for you...I am glad it has
Oh, wow. Thanks, Lisa, now that's going to go to my head and I'll be so top-heavy I won't be able to walk. :)
The thing with the marriage officially ending is a little odd. It's been over for a long time. In retrospect, over for years, with sheer inertia carrying it and us forward. Now, after 39 years, it will be legally ended in a few minutes. It is a strange feeling, taking a 39 year shared experience, and having someone decide to flush half a lifetime down the toilet like it was a dead goldfish, because they were afraid of what their friends would say. ("You're a transphobic fool!", I hope. :) )
It's almost past and done with, and there is no reason to dwell on it, but I do. I'll get over it, and treat it like any other event in the past, something we cannot alter in retrospect, and must accept as part of the past from which we move forward.
So, forward it is.
I remember getting to that point with my ex, that was 18 years ago (following 3 years of separation). I sometimes wonder what she thinks about my transition, I'm sure my daughters have told her and never having known the woman to be charitable in her opinions of me, I doubt it's giod but then she may have toned down some by now.
I can only offer best wishes and of course hugs hon
Quote from: Michelle_P on June 21, 2017, 01:40:13 AM
It is a strange feeling, taking a 39 year shared experience, and having someone decide to flush half a lifetime down the toilet like it was a dead goldfish, because they were afraid of what their friends would say. ("You're a transphobic fool!", I hope. :) )
You wouldn't be human if you didn't lament a loss like that, Michelle. You can't think or make decisions for your wife. But you can take the high road as you always have, and there is solace in that.
That's the reaction I got of my wife, not how can I help or lets talk about this just" what will people say and think of me "So after 30 years and 3 kids I am just waiting for the letter, wont do anything myself. It is a strange one ,I also got "I would rather you had an affair " but then she turned her back on me over 10 years ago when my business went bust and we had to remorgage to cover the bills
I'm not sure if the indictment should be against our selfish spouses or our own character judgement regarding choosing a life mate. It's a harsh reality to wake up to the fact that you were a roof, a sperm donor and a paycheck. But better to find out, than to never know so at least you can right the wrong, as many of you have done. I often wonder if the guilt many of us feel is warranted! "For better or worse".......what happened to that? Goodbye and good luck should probably be most of our mantras. But these things are hard. Especially for those that are sensitive and caring.
Quote from: Michelle_P on June 19, 2017, 06:34:42 PM
We spent two hours at dinner chatting and catching up, with me trying very hard to use my deep listening tools to pay close attention to everything she was saying, and deliberately making the conversation about her. (Too much 'me', not enough 'her' has been an issue in the past.).
Good for you! That is one of the more difficult habits for late transitioners to overcome. The old 'mansplaining' conversation habits tend to carry over even after transition and so you need to make a conscious effort to be a good listener. Becoming a good listener helps you develop more empathy toward others and is something that women are socialized to do from an early age.
Michelle_P It's almost past and done with, and there is no reason to dwell on it, but I do. I'll get over it, and treat it like any other event in the past, something we cannot alter in retrospect, and must accept as part of the past from which we move forward.
So, forward it is.
Brave words, but the pain of loss of a mate can feel overwhelming. In my case, I moved to Thailand in 2010 to distract myself as quickly as possible.
In your case, you have friends and a support group, so you are far ahead of what I (at least thought) I had at the time.
Michelle,
Can I just add that maybe a little look back at where you were a short time ago and where you are now is something to be proud of. Given very difficult circumstances, it might have been easy for you to crumble. Instead you have come so far in building a new life. That is pretty awesome, your strength, amazing!
Moni
The whole process is a massive self-improvement effort. I've found that I actually like just listening and focusing on others. A maternal streak? ??? Internet grandma to a new generation of kids in our community? I don't know yet.
Raell, I very deliberately set out to make connections and new friends after I was told by my ex that I would lose my family and all my friends. I didn't lose most of my family or my friends, and I made some absolutely wonderful new ones. A few people I knew casually dropped contact, some others renewed it.
Moni, I do actually look back from time to time, and we reinforce this about once a month in therapy sessions. Think of it as strength building for the mind. "Gimmee 20 reps!"
Well, I've posted here and there about stuff in my life, but I do want to try and collect it into one place as well.
Big stuff that happens to me recently included the divorce becoming final, grinding through CoveredCA.com to update the insurance situation, and getting clocked and confronted on Sunday. Therapy sessions were had, and I Did Stuff in compensation.
I've posted about the divorce finalization date. Nothing Happened. I continued living my life, made a note, updated my Facebook status, and that was about it. A friend referred me to a counseling service she has used to help deal with breakups. Oh, and they also run a lesbian dating service. Maybe she was hinting I need to start doing something, but I don't think I'm ready yet.
I had posted elsewhere about my trip to the grocery store on Sunday:
Quote
A large man, looking like an out of shape linebacker with a patchy beard, was coming the other way. He stopped, blocking the sidewalk. "Hey, you a <obscene reference to gay male>?" Thick accent. Eastern European? Uh oh. Left hand in purse, safety off on the pepper spray. Move toward street. He matches the move. "What the <heck>?", I say. He steps toward me. I pull out the canister, aim, nozzle toward his eyes, ready to fire, sweep, and run. "Hey, no pepper! I like <obscenity>!"
He steps back, and I bolt through right lane and past him. He laughs.
Someone actually raised the point in Group that perhaps he just doesn't have the right language and was being friendly. It sure didn't feel that way.
Anyway, I resolved not to spend the rest of my days in hiding, but to get out for all of the next day and interact with people. I thought I'd combine this with celebrating the divorce by doing things that my ex had said at various points that I was Forbidden from Doing. >:-)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1249.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fhh504%2FMichelle_Paquet%2FBreaking%2520The%2520Rules_zps6i2dpvfc.jpg&hash=6c01c71328b01c1bc00418cef59ff4febde752a3)
So, on Monday, I:
1) Got my ears pierced
2) got a manicure and gel
3) went out to dinner at a new place
4) made an appointment to get my brows done Tuesday, since completed
No incidents, no crazy people, and eve though I absolutely know I was clocked (come on, those eyebrow ridges and that forehead? The brow person commented on the electrolysis work, fergoshsakes), nobody was rude or impolite, "Ma'am"ed everywhere.
Today I just need to make a Costco run and hit Sephora for a few things I am running low on. I might get lunch at Panera here in the downtown area, as I really like their spicy Thai salad and they do half-orders.
BTW, if anyone is in the area and wants to meet and talk, I usually will buy them lunch as well. Just let me know.
Good for you Michelle. There's something liberating about getting your ears pierced isn't there? Have fun shopping for new earrings when they've properly healed. It's one of my monthly pleasures.
Did you go for wax or threading on the brows, or good old fashioned plucking?
They did a good job on the nails.
Great to see you getting out there Michelle, sorting out the essentials. I'm always surprised how much the little things make such a big difference.
Peace and love and good stuff,
Sadie
Yes went ear ring shopping in my lunch break, got a new pair for the one I lost, some "diamond " studs and gold plated hoops and some bracelets . Well it was pay day today and a girls got to treat herself .
Quote from: Shy on June 28, 2017, 01:32:33 PM
Good for you Michelle. There's something liberating about getting your ears pierced isn't there? Have fun shopping for new earrings when they've properly healed. It's one of my monthly pleasures.
Liberating is an understatement. This set of actions was a poke in the eye at the American gender conformity structure and the old home restrictions that had me curling up in a ball and crying whenever I had to come home and live under my ex's rules.
The actual piercing was anticlimactic, less discomfort than one probe insertion in electrolysis. I've already got a pair of pearls on silver studs to swap in once the ears heal.
Quote
Did you go for wax or threading on the brows, or good old fashioned plucking?
Wax, very comfortable other than the little tug, and some plucking to finish. I used the Benefit Brow Bar at the downtown Macy's. There I was, parked on a stool in the middle of their cast cosmetics area, giving the other customers a chance to take a good long look. [emoji78] The tech doing my brows had some questions on my electrolysis work and thought it was coming along really well.
Quote
They did a good job on the nails.
Yes, especially with what she had to start with. Heavy ridges, one with a long split that she mended with some sort of two-part catalyst mix, all stained and discolored. This was definitely worthwhile doing, as the nails and quicks are mended, neatened, look and feel better, and the split one is no longer a snagging hazard and is pain-free when typing
Quote
Great to see you getting out there Michelle, sorting outwit the essentials. I'm always surprised how much the little things make such a big difference.
I feel better, look better, and I honestly think these visual cues add to my passing likelihood when someone focuses on me out on the street
It's a good thing, and arguably worthwhile doing.
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Well aren't you just as pretty as a picture! I love that nail color. I agree that these cues do add up when it comes to passing/blending. Such a good idea to pamper yourself!
Quote from: p on June 28, 2017, 06:26:25 PM
Well aren't you just as pretty as a picture! I love that nail color. I agree that these cues do add up when it comes to passing/blending. Such a good idea to pamper yourself!
LOL! I'm out there rocking this 63 year old bod and blasting my way into Weird Old Ladyhood. (I like to set potentially achievable goals. [emoji78])
I'm convinced that visual gender identification is something that falls out of the previsual cortex as quite literally the result of neural network processing. That is, the identification is the result of a weighted sum of individual elements and aggregates. More appropriate clues in our presentation, and fewer inappropriate ones, move the summed output closer to the gender we present as.
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Quote from: Michelle_P on June 28, 2017, 06:56:34 PM
LOL! I'm out there rocking this 63 year old bod and blasting my way into Weird Old Ladyhood. (I like to set potentially achievable goals. [emoji78])
I'm convinced that visual gender identification is something that falls out of the previsual cortex as quite literally the result of neural network processing. That is, the identification is the result of a weighted sum of individual elements and aggregates. More appropriate clues in our presentation, and fewer inappropriate ones, move the summed output closer to the gender we present as.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Well if you ain't hit the friggin' tipping point yet, It would surprise the hell out of me.
*SIGH* One step forward, one step back.
Kaiser Multi-Specialty Transitions clinic called me today to let me know that they were scheduling a new vaginoplasty prep & training class that I could be enrolled in. This is a one afternoon session with a surgeon and related folks, including post-op clients, to give us some basic info and training on the process. I'm now scheduled to have the class on July 27. Yay.
My initial consult with the surgeon, the session where various bits would be inspected and measured to determine the details of my vaginoplasty was scheduled for July 26. That appointment has disappeared from the Kaiser calendar.
I've sent in a request to let me know what is going on.
There's something new. Theres ALWAYS something new.
My latest labs came in today. I have Stage 3 Chronic Kidney Disease. Damn it. One more thing to be used to argue against my transition and surgeries. Another dubious gift from the universe.
What is really annoying is that it is solely because the Glomular Filtration Rate, a measure of kidney efficiency, has dropped below 60 for two readings in a row. 58. Fifty freaking eight. Both readings. So, the computer kicks out a diagnosis and flags my file, all very efficient. There is no sign of protein buildup, or creatinine being out of spec. Every other number in my bloodwork is ridiculously normal. My blood pressure is low normal. My weight is excellent for my height and build. One freaking number...
One good thing I've found is that Spiro and particularly estradiol are protective of nephritic tissue, and have been shown to slow or even slightly reverse damage. That gives me ammunition to argue for continuing HRT. For surgery, though, this raises 'issues' with anesthesiology, with mutterings of clearance rates and NSAID intolerance.
And, of course, my surgeon's consult for GCS is gone from the appointment calendar.
I'm supposed to be staying calm and relaxed today, before I get my fMRI scans in the morning. I'm a test subject! I get pumped full of potions and get to do the same thing over and over while holding my head very, very still.
I'm keeping insanely busy with other things as well. That helps. Too much idle time isn't good for me...
I'm so aorry to hear that, Michelle. If youre not spilling protein and your bun and Creatinine are relatively constant, I would think you could probably test different with a diet change. Cut way down on your animal based protein intake, up your volume of clean fluid and test again next month. Wouldn't be aurprised if you fall back into the reference range. Gotta do something so try and be proactive here. Just another one of those walls you get to kick down. Not being glib, just trying to offer helpful suggestions.
Quote from: Michelle_P on June 30, 2017, 01:32:50 AM
*SIGH* One step forward, one step back.
Kaiser Multi-Specialty Transitions clinic called me today to let me know that they were scheduling a new vaginoplasty prep & training class that I could be enrolled in. This is a one afternoon session with a surgeon and related folks, including post-op clients, to give us some basic info and training on the process. I'm now scheduled to have the class on July 27. Yay.
My initial consult with the surgeon, the session where various bits would be inspected and measured to determine the details of my vaginoplasty was scheduled for July 26. That appointment has disappeared from the Kaiser calendar.
I've sent in a request to let me know what is going on.
As we say here in our house when another thing piles on top of an already tough situation...
"Why the hell not?" in other words "of course something else is going to happen to complicate the situation"
One more obstacle in your way that I am sure you will work but sometimes I just want to scream "Enough!"...
I hope this turns out to be just a minor hitch for you.
My last set of blood tests gave a Glomerular Filtration Rate of 58 or 59 and they noted that the number was below 60. My doctor's response to this was that virtually no one above the age 50 are 60 or above on that metric. He said that 56 to 59 is normal for his patients and not to be worried about. He was more concerned about rate of change; for me and it appears for you it is stable. By the way, my doctor has given approval for gcs with my gfr at 59 - Good luck. Anne
I pulled up my last three tests and checked them out.
May 2016
GFR 94
BUN 9
October 2016
GFR 91
BUN 9
April 2017
GFR 81
BUN 13
What can we conclude from this? Dena was a bad girl before the April test and wasn't drinking enough water causing the levels to go up. It's not difficult to do in this climate as it draws the water out of you.
Here are my creatinine and GFR numbers along with other goodies:
Standard range
CREAT<=1.11 mg/dL
GFR NONAFR AMER >=60 mL/min (Calculated value)
8/31/13 0.94 >60
10/8/14 0.93 >60
11/14/15 0.92 >60
6/9/16 0.85 >60
6/30/16 0.91 >60
7/20/16 0.99 >60
9/9/16 0.88 >60
12/4/16 1.01 >60
2/5/17 0.97 58
7/3/17 0.97 58
Minerals related to kidney function look good, typical values for being on Spiro
K
3.5 - 5.3 mEq/L
8/31/13 4.4
10/8/14 4.3
11/14/15 4.1
6/9/16 4.6
6/30/16 5.1
7/20/16 4.4
9/9/16 4.9
12/4/16 4.6
2/5/17 4.4
7/3/17 4.9
Sodium
NA
135 - 145 mEq/L
8/24/12 144
8/31/13 142
10/8/14 144
6/9/16 140
6/30/16 132
7/20/16 137
9/9/16 133
12/4/16 141
2/5/17 140
7/3/17 139
Estradiol is behaving...
E2
6/9/16 <50
9/9/16 <50
12/4/16 <50
2/5/17 115
7/3/17 112
TESTOSTERONE, ULTRASENSITIVE, LC MS/MS
Standard range: <=75 ng/dL
6/9/16 661
7/20/16 251
9/9/16 7
12/4/16 6
2/5/17 7
7/3/17 <5
My little monster is slowly growing:
PROLACTIN
3 - 30 ng/mL
6/9/16 30
6/13/16 34
7/20/16 40
8/17/16 37
9/9/16 40
12/4/16 41
2/5/17 42
7/3/17 43
It's probably mostly inert macroprolactin, which reads as prolactin in this test. I'm not leaking.
Think I may have found it and if so, there isn't a problem.
https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/9739/37fbdbc7da53682641195ff076b9c01b4d27.pdf
Quote from: jentay1367 on July 04, 2017, 07:30:59 PM
I'm so aorry to hear that, Michelle. If youre not spilling protein and your bun and Creatinine are relatively constant, I would think you could probably test different with a diet change. Cut way down on your animal based protein intake, up your volume of clean fluid and test again next month. Wouldn't be aurprised if you fall back into the reference range. Gotta do something so try and be proactive here. Just another one of those walls you get to kick down. Not being glib, just trying to offer helpful suggestions.
Yeah. I've been running my protein intake at around 22% of my total calories. I should probably drop that to about 16%, mostly plant, and raise fats to 34%, again plant based. Carbs stay at 50% of total calories. That's more inline with the 'kidney diets' out there. I'll dial that in and see how it goes.
I use tracking software to measure pretty much every bite.
Quote from: ElizabethK on July 04, 2017, 07:49:18 PM
As we say here in our house when another thing piles on top of an already tough situation...
"Why the hell not?" in other words "of course something else is going to happen to complicate the situation"
One more obstacle in your way that I am sure you will work but sometimes I just want to scream "Enough!"...
I hope this turns out to be just a minor hitch for you.
I'll get past it one way or another. Even if it means buying a nice extended vacation for myself and a friend in Thailand. The folks at Kaiser mean well, I'm sure, but they get so damn conservative. I mean, look at the wimpy estradiol levels they want me at. "Well above most women your age. Don't want to push it." Really? Most women my age are growing mustaches and fretting about it, loss of bone mass, and fatigue. Nope, Do Not Want.
Quote from: Anne Blake on July 04, 2017, 08:27:45 PM
My last set of blood tests gave a Glomerular Filtration Rate of 58 or 59 and they noted that the number was below 60. My doctor's response to this was that virtually no one above the age 50 are 60 or above on that metric. He said that 56 to 59 is normal for his patients and not to be worried about. He was more concerned about rate of change; for me and it appears for you it is stable. By the way, my doctor has given approval for gcs with my gfr at 59 - Good luck. Anne
Yup. I'm 63. Kidneys are lousy at regenerating nephrons, and I expect GFR to drop with age. I'm just trying to be nice to them and get the best mileage I can from the original parts. The aftermarket ones don't fit inside me...
Quote from: Dena on July 04, 2017, 08:56:32 PM
I pulled up my last three tests and checked them out.
May 2016
GFR 94
BUN 9
October 2016
GFR 91
BUN 9
April 2017
GFR 81
BUN 13
What can we conclude from this? Dena was a bad girl before the April test and wasn't drinking enough water causing the levels to go up. It's not difficult to do in this climate as it draws the water out of you.
Yeah. I thought it might be dehydration the first test that failed, so I drank plenty of fluids for this one. Darn. I'll try playing with protein intake.
One neat thing I learned is that estradiol has a protective effect on the kidney nephrons. A comparison study between postmenopausal women on HRT and those without showed slower degradation with age courtesy of HRT. Another study showed HRT causing a slight rise in GFR over time. That would be neat.
Quote from: Dena on July 04, 2017, 10:19:27 PM
Think I may have found it and if so, there isn't a problem.
https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/9739/37fbdbc7da53682641195ff076b9c01b4d27.pdf
Now THAT is neat. Estradiol suppressing bone loss and kidney secretion of phosphates. That puts the cherry on top of estradiol levels and bone loss, and reduces the worries over managing phosphorus intake with chronic kidney disease.
I knew estradiol would me my miracle drug. ;D
Unfortunately, kidneys run best on less sodium and are prone to being unhappy with high potassium. So with Spiro you'll crave the salt and your potassium doesn't clear. You need to eat completely clean....fresh cooked veggies, beans and fish. You're going to need to drop meat, potatos, prepared dinners, canned anything.......blah blah blah. And as far as drinking tons of waterbefore a test....I think you need to do it on a regualar basis. Stay hydrated to ridiculous levels. It takes your blodd some time to clear a lot of these substances and no quick fix priora test will get it done. Were all behind you, Hon! If anyone can make this fly their way...it's you.
And as an aside...at some point go to an independent lab and check your progress. Don't take THEIR test again till you know you'll pass.
Successfully got my head examined! The fMRI went OK, nobody said "boo" over the GFR, I got pumped full of gadolinium tracers and contrast dye, and much data was collected.
The slices with the pituitary region are off to Radiology so with any luck this will be my last MRI session for the year.
Breakfast at the "Sunrise Bistro" as a treat for getting my head examined!
I don't have much else on my calendar this week. I'll try to find something to keep myself occupied and out of trouble. [emoji6]
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There's always little something to do. Today was Just Another Day In The Life...
Up early, started cold brew coffee for iced coffee when it gets hot, got cleaned up, weekly weight (135.2 lbs)and dressed (OK, skinny jeans, snug but cool t shirt, Toms white canvas loafers, etc), breakfast of cheerios, almond beverage, half sourdough muffin with butter.
I did my face, and headed to Whole Foods for produce and a couple specialty items. Stopped for a coffee frappucino on the way home (walking), and cooled down. Made it home , put away the groceries and bag, and headed off to meet friends for lunch.
Lunch was a big salad with grilled chicken, and an assortment pack of friends. Two bi-gender, one post-op MtF, one pre-op MtF [emoji1383], one gender-fluid, one ciswoman. We had a fun time as always.
After lunch I headed to a mall, looking for buttons and to get the ears repierced. I had to take out the new earrings for that MRI, and in the time I spent in the machine, the holes sealed up! They aren't kidding about not removing the posts for several weeks.
Now, I'm going to an electronics place for a few parts, then a fabric shop to find some buttons. [emoji6] Then back to home for iced coffee, salad, veggies, and a main dish. Still trying to decide that.
So, that's a typical Real Life Experience day for this trans-retiree. Boring, routine, and I can't stop smiling.
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Spent any time on the radio recently?
Michelle, what sort of electronics place do you have around there? All the shacks have closed here so Im always needing to order online when I run out of stuff.
Josie, I have a Fry's Electronics about five miles from me. It's a huge place that sells everything from TVs and appliances to computers, networking gear, and on to electronics parts, test instruments, soldering and rework stations, materials to fab PC boards, etc. Need a 40 pin DIP socket? Aisle 14. 7408 chips? Aisle 12...
It's pretty crazy.
Steph, unfortunately my condo is having exterior work done on it, continuing til September if they get back on schedule. The building is surrounded by metal scaffolding. I can't 'hear' anything but bad LED lighting here with an antenna I pop up inside. I can't get out on the balcony because it isn't there right now. Long way down...
I spent last Saturday wandering through the transmitters and receivers of KPH, the last of the Maritime Service Morse Code stations, currently run by volunteers. Pictures of the station sites and whatnot are over on my Facebook page, viewable by the public. Here (https://www.facebook.com/Michelle.P001/videos/pcb.324981931288438/324981697955128/?type=3&theater#) is the big 12 MHz KPH transmitter doing the 10 AM Saturday broadcast.
Sunday was church and getting together with friends, and a quiet evening at home. I need that every once in a while.
Today was E-Day. My electrolyst is back from vacation, I had 3 weeks worth of awakening follicles plus the ones we hadn't gotten to yet, so both two hour sessions concentrated on my face. Two hours on the upper lip, and two hours on the lower lip, chin, and the neck below the chin. I look a bit bee-stung now.
After all that electrolysis, I had to go to an LGBTQ meeting. I was a bit cranky, I'm afraid. Being talked over and interrupted when trying to cover what I had been working on didn't help. Made me crankier, in fact. I made it through to the end of the meeting, and then our chairperson and I went out for coffee and pie. Damn fine apple pie...
More meetings tomorrow. Hoo hah...
A day in your life Michelle is always a busy one. You better make room in it for me when my travels take me that way.
Hugs,
Laurie
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Quote from: Laurie on July 11, 2017, 07:53:53 AM
A day in your life Michelle is always a busy one. You better make room in it for me when my travels take me that way.
Hugs,
Laurie
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Just give me 72 hours notice and I'll pencil you in, unless I'm doing GCS or FFS that day. Priorities...
Speaking of which, I now have a date to meet with a surgeon for GCS planning. Specifically, next Wednesday! [emoji79][emoji312] This is the initial interview to see if I am worthy of being put on the schedule. [emoji78]
Meanwhile, I am ramping up for a big campaign to educate my Unitarian Universalist brethren about pronouns.
"No, She/Her/Hers" are NOT my 'preferred pronouns,' they are my CORRECT pronouns!"
Subtlety, thy name is Michelle... [emoji946][emoji1008]
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Subtle as a brickbat.
Welp, got through my meetings and therapy session for the week. Sort of a boring session again, no real issues beyond my having trouble sleeping (alone). Yeah, I know the odds of fixing THAT.
I spent Thursday afternoon and evening at my (ex)mother-in-law / accepting older friend / nice older gal I help out and have dinner with. English is lousy at affinity relationships. The old sliding door that is the main entrance for the house broke one of the brass wheels that it rolls on, making the door unusable for an elderly woman. The wheel actually wore through.
I found on disassembly that whoever had hung the door had gotten... creative... with how they assembled the wheels and track. I had to remove the bottom of the sliding door from the glass and the rest of the frame, and use a spreader on the aluminum channel to pull the old roller and install the new one. And me with no upper body strength left. Ow. I got it done, though.
Never try to out-stubborn me.
Today I did a bit of grocery shopping, had lunch with friends, and got my 10,000 steps in. This evening I'm making a berry clafoutis two ways, for an event tomorrow. One is the traditional route in a big pan, and the other is an attempt at doing individual servings in miniature cupcake forms. I'm having trouble getting a clean release from the ones baked in the miniature cupcake paper forms. The traditional clafoutis will probably be cut into individual pieces and popped into the paper forms for serving. I may try making a version in a nonstick 24 piece baking pan and see how well that comes out, in the morning. I'm about baked out right now.
I've got two events tomorrow. First is a brunch of sorts that is an AIDS Walk-related fundraiser. It includes entertainment, some local drag artists and dancers. Shortly after that is a private social event with our transwomen's group at a high end consignment shop. They get the clafoutis. :)
Sunday I've got the UU church and coffee klatch that I am working cleanup on, and Monday is another electrolysis day, up to two hours on genital clearing and a couple hours on the face. Monday night is a dinner with friends at a local Japanese restaurant, new place for me, and a meetup for local trans folks. Tuesday I may be at my mother-in-laws again, followed by a group therapy session, and Wednesday I have my initial appointment with a GCS surgeon. I'm sure I'll figure out something to do on Thursday...
Quote from: Michelle_P on July 15, 2017, 02:36:00 AM
Welp, got through my meetings and therapy session for the week. Sort of a boring session again, no real issues beyond my having trouble sleeping (alone). Yeah, I know the odds of fixing THAT.
I spent Thursday afternoon and evening at my (ex)mother-in-law / accepting older friend / nice older gal I help out and have dinner with. English is lousy at affinity relationships. The old sliding door that is the main entrance for the house broke one of the brass wheels that it rolls on, making the door unusable for an elderly woman. The wheel actually wore through.
I found on disassembly that whoever had hung the door had gotten... creative... with how they assembled the wheels and track. I had to remove the bottom of the sliding door from the glass and the rest of the frame, and use a spreader on the aluminum channel to pull the old roller and install the new one. And me with no upper body strength left. Ow. I got it done, though.
Never try to out-stubborn me.
Today I did a bit of grocery shopping, had lunch with friends, and got my 10,000 steps in. This evening I'm making a berry clafoutis two ways, for an event tomorrow. One is the traditional route in a big pan, and the other is an attempt at doing individual servings in miniature cupcake forms. I'm having trouble getting a clean release from the ones baked in the miniature cupcake paper forms. The traditional clafoutis will probably be cut into individual pieces and popped into the paper forms for serving. I may try making a version in a nonstick 24 piece baking pan and see how well that comes out, in the morning. I'm about baked out right now.
I've got two events tomorrow. First is a brunch of sorts that is an AIDS Walk-related fundraiser. It includes entertainment, some local drag artists and dancers. Shortly after that is a private social event with our transwomen's group at a high end consignment shop. They get the clafoutis. :)
Sunday I've got the UU church and coffee klatch that I am working cleanup on, and Monday is another electrolysis day, up to two hours on genital clearing and a couple hours on the face. Monday night is a dinner with friends at a local Japanese restaurant, new place for me, and a meetup for local trans folks. Tuesday I may be at my mother-in-laws again, followed by a group therapy session, and Wednesday I have my initial appointment with a GCS surgeon. I'm sure I'll figure out something to do on Thursday...
Hi Michelle,
I see you are still as busy as ever. I admire you for it but don't see how you are able to do so much. From myself I just made it home and as soon as I stop buzzing I'm going to get some sleep.
Hugs,
Laurie
I'm getting ready to meet my GCS surgeon. There's an exam involved, so when I meet him I'll be dressed in a lovely hospital wrap and nothing else. Brrrr...
This is the Big Gatekeeper event. Kaiser has assigned me to this doc, and now he gets to decide if I am worthy of his skills and attention. Yeah, I'm nervous.
More later...
Awesome Michelle! Wishing you a great appointment.
I'm in the waiting area at Kaiser SF Medical Center just calming down.
I had my initial meeting with Doctors Thomas and Selim to discuss my gender confirmation surgery. This is the medical procedure that brings my body in line with my gender identity.
The visit includes a discussion of the procedure, and an exam by the surgeons of the surgical site. They did ask when I would like the procedure done, and I indicated that any time or opening would be fine.
Doctor Thomas asked a variety of questions both on general health and on my prep work. No issues were found during the exam.
And, they had an opening on the surgical schedule that I can have.
My GCS will be done on October 20, 2017.
[emoji4]
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Oh my god, Michelle I am so very glad for you. I've sent more than a couple thoughts your way in the last few weeks, knowing you were spending some time on whether you could do this at all and whether the full monty or a more limited version.
I can't promise anything at all but if there's a way for me to be in SF to give you some support, you know I will.
Congratulations
Quote from: Michelle_P on July 19, 2017, 05:56:30 PM
My GCS will be done on October 20, 2017.
[emoji4]
That is fantastic news, absolutely brilliant congratulation ;D
Liz
Michelle, gcs date in three months, wow. Kinda like things are beginning to get real really quickly. Good luck!
Anne
Wow congrats Michelle! :icon_walk:
Congratulations Michelle,
Should I begin planning another road trip? Naw, you all know I don't do things like that. I just decide to hop in my truck and go when it feels right. Be fore warned... it could happen....
Hugs,
Laurie
Congratulations, Michelle!!
It's sort of mind boggling. I'd been primed by the various medical providers and therapists to expect a date out a year or more. To have the surgeons walk in after I was dressed and say, "How does October 20 sound?" Well, this just blew my mind.
So, I'm out at Original Joe's in North Beach celebrating.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170720/49ed53c1e35a354738010cb718b98dfe.jpg)
Wheeee!
I only ate half the hamburger, so I can have dessert. La Bombolina, affogato with Italian doughnuts.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170720/6886edd35dc7eb40ffcd2cd2eccb41dc.jpg)
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Quote from: Laurie on July 19, 2017, 07:50:45 PM
Congratulations Michelle,
Should I begin planning another road trip? Naw, you all know I don't do things like that. I just decide to hop in my truck and go when it feels right. Be fore warned... it could happen....
Hugs,
Laurie
Hey, you're always welcome here. I might be really boring to be around right after surgery, though. I'd suggest coming before or a few months after, and you can have the sofa bed, and I can give you the Grand Tour, maybe a Diablo Valley Girls meet up or dinner, visit the Castro District. You know, the usual. [emoji78]
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Quote from: Michelle_P on July 19, 2017, 09:04:24 PM
Hey, you're always welcome here. I might be really boring to be around right after surgery, though. I'd suggest coming before or a few months after, and you can have the sofa bed, and I can give you the Grand Tour, maybe a Diablo Valley Girls meet up or dinner, visit the Castro District. You know, the usual. [emoji78]
A sofa would be just fine, no need to make it into a bed. It's an upgrade over my front seat in the truck. The back seat is usually full. But then next trip I probably won't need the plug in cooler or the virtually unused bag of male clothes. 72 hours notice huh? That's almost making a plan. Not sure I can do that.
We'll have to see.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on July 19, 2017, 09:38:44 PM
72 hours notice huh? That's almost making a plan. Not sure I can do that.
;) I was teasing about that. Your need to be spontaneous was sort of obvious.
Quote from: Michelle_P on July 19, 2017, 11:26:35 PM
;) I was teasing about that. Your need to be spontaneous was sort of obvious.
LMAO It should have been. I think I made it as plain as I could. I try not to be tied to a "plan". Oh I can work with people that need them when I have to, but it's not my preferred modis operandi. You know, like doctors and electrologists and such.
Quote from: Michelle_P on July 19, 2017, 05:56:30 PM
I'm in the waiting area at Kaiser SF Medical Center just calming down.
I had my initial meeting with Doctors Thomas and Selim to discuss my gender confirmation surgery. This is the medical procedure that brings my body in line with my gender identity.
The visit includes a discussion of the procedure, and an exam by the surgeons of the surgical site. They did ask when I would like the procedure done, and I indicated that any time or opening would be fine.
Doctor Thomas asked a variety of questions both on general health and on my prep work. No issues were found during the exam.
And, they had an opening on the surgical schedule that I can have.
My GCS will be done on October 20, 2017.
[emoji4]
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Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Michelle, so happy you will join the graduating class of 2017.
Moni
Great to hear, more progress.
Steph
So happy for you Michelle. Glad you made it.
I mentioned in a post last week that I was at a private event, a sort of shopping evening at a boutique with a local trans support group. The owner had picked something out for me, a LBD (Little Black Dress), a size 10 Tahari sleeveless sheath number.
I can't believe I've gone all this time without a LBD! I promised I'd post it. Here it is.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170722/76a692ceee96d62ecb4d4eec9b1dc716.jpg)
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very smart, well done roll on October (that's when I plan to start RLE ) so double celebrations
Looks great! I envy you that slender frame :-)
Quote from: Michelle_P on July 22, 2017, 02:59:06 PM
I mentioned in a post last week that I was at a private event, a sort of shopping evening at a boutique with a local trans support group. The owner had picked something out for me, a LBD (Little Black Dress), a size 10 Tahari sleeveless sheath number.
I can't believe I've gone all this time without a LBD! I promised I'd post it. Here it is.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170722/76a692ceee96d62ecb4d4eec9b1dc716.jpg)
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That looks good on you as does that big smile. It is always nice to see others able to smile. It's something we seem to find hard to do much of. Anyway love the smile and the LBD.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Michelle_P on July 22, 2017, 02:59:06 PM
I mentioned in a post last week that I was at a private event, a sort of shopping evening at a boutique with a local trans support group. The owner had picked something out for me, a LBD (Little Black Dress), a size 10 Tahari sleeveless sheath number.
I can't believe I've gone all this time without a LBD! I promised I'd post it. Here it is.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170722/76a692ceee96d62ecb4d4eec9b1dc716.jpg)
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Very flattering, Michelle! Shows off your new curves pretty nicely.
I just opened my mail. I thought this would be a bill, but my old endocrinologist wanted to share the Radiology report with me.
The report is very good news, a huge relief for me.
Incidental to some other stuff, the latest scans were sent out to have my little monster, a micro-prolactinoma (adenoma that makes prolactin), evaluated for possible growth.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170725/ab88497e634b8d7244fc5bf691639aa3.jpg)
It hasn't changed in a year, so the growth trigger is gone and the risk is now lower. There is suspicion that the original trigger might have been my insanely messed up endocrine numbers prior to starting HRT.
(Neat to see Radiology gendering me correctly. Yay bones...)
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Congratulations Michelle We all like good news I'm sure it's a relief for you.
Hugs,
Laurie
Sounds like good news, very happy for you. X
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Congrats Michelle - Wow October 20th! -
I will get my date shortly but i suspect it will be a year plus out.
Quote from: Michelle_P on July 19, 2017, 08:20:06 PM
It's sort of mind boggling. I'd been primed by the various medical providers and therapists to expect a date out a year or more. To have the surgeons walk in after I was dressed and say, "How does October 20 sound?" Well, this just blew my mind.
So, I'm out at Original Joe's in North Beach celebrating.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170720/49ed53c1e35a354738010cb718b98dfe.jpg)
Wheeee!
I only ate half the hamburger, so I can have dessert. La Bombolina, affogato with Italian doughnuts.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170720/6886edd35dc7eb40ffcd2cd2eccb41dc.jpg)
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Awesome....!!!! Congrats
Mmmmm that looks tasty 😉
Still chugging along...
I had my vaginoplasty 101 class today. We had presentations from the surgeon, including photos and diagrams, from the social worker on support, from the nursing team on post-op care, and from a couple of women who had surgery about 7 months ago.
Pretty cool, huh?
There's a lot of information to process, and it looks like I'll be very busy the next couple of months. Step one will be assembling and briefing my support team. A test of friendship, if you will. [emoji77]
So, it's sunset, and warm. Rather than go cook I flaked out and am sitting at a sidewalk table at the downtown Panera having dinner. Nobody is even giving me a second look. Boring is good. :)
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Quote from: Michelle_P on July 27, 2017, 10:43:09 PM
Pretty cool, huh?
More like pretty good. I couldn't enjoy my post surgical period because I was by myself and I was functioning beyond my limits for far to long. Having you put together a post surgical support team shows you just how well designed the program is and it will provide a far more enjoyable recovery period.
Hi Michelle,
I am so happy that you are making steady progress toward your personal V Day. It sounds like Kaiser is well prepared to give you all the help they can. I am sure you will be able to assemble plenty for your support team with all you do in the community and church. From what you have told us there are many people that think a lot of you and what you do for them. I think I would have trouble assembling a team for myself. But that is because I am not open and friendly with people in my neighborhood. In fact I am just the opposite. But I'm sure that isn't a problem you have. You work too hard to be an active part of your community. YAY Girl! Good for you!
Having a quiet comfortable meal in public is a good thing. It confirms how far you've come with your looks and behavior in fitting in with your surroundings. Congrats.
Keep up the good work Michelle. If you do happen to need some help let me know. You are not THAT far away.
Hugs,
Laurie
I'm a tiny bit of an activist...
Today our congressional representative held a town hall meeting, and I got in the queue for Question Time. Afterwards a friend told me she had recorded me on her phone and sent along the recording!
I owe Devlyn for pointing me to the roots for this question.
Transcript:
MICHELLE: I'm Michelle, a transgender veteran.
MICHELLE: I fought for you.
* applause *
MICHELLE: Will you fight for me?
MICHELLE: I... We fought for all of you.
MICHELLE: Will you fight for us?
I edited out anything party-specific or potentially sensitive beyond being a trans veteran for this forum.
Video: https://drive.google.com/open?id=0Bx6f_yxlFYtIUUFLdGVKQ3FMdTA (https://drive.google.com/open?id=0Bx6f_yxlFYtIUUFLdGVKQ3FMdTA)
This was something I felt I had to do.
I was nervous, lost my proper voice. I sound terrible, but at least I spoke out for us.
Nice work there! Thanks for representing us.
Hugs, Devlyn
I Thank You Michelle, Bravo!!
I believe I could have stood up with you had I been there. But there in lies my personal problem in being an activist, I lack the initiative to get off my butt and go to those things. I am probably a bit too much of a emotion driven hot head too, as evidenced by my absence online after that man did that asinine tweet. I left to calm down and I knew, had I stayed I would have made my anger known in inappropriate ways.
So Michelle, I applaud what you've done. It is always better to let cooler heads prevail.
Thank You Michelle
Hugs,
Laurie
Michelle you are incredible. We owe you - we really do.
Thank you for this. I would gladly join you up there. Sadly, I am not in the right place. My "representatives" are never anywhere near me.
If we live in the shadows, trying to avoid being seen, it is easy for others to ignore us and disregard our humanity to create and perpetuate myths. It's easy for others to make us out to be The Other, the Alien Among Us, a source of fear for the venal to use in accumulating power from the frightened.
There is an old phrase in Quaker history, which also appears in the early civil rights movement, in a letter by African-American civil rights leader Bayard Rustin.
Speak Truth To Power
The Quakers see this as a purpose of a religious group. I see it as a task that falls to any group that seeks common cause, and opposes the use of power to promote selfish actions at the expense of others.
I identify strongly with other transgender folks, as the only people who can truely understand what our shared life experience is like. The transgender community is my community, and honestly, more my family than blood relations who are incapable of understanding me.
I'm not acting out of bravery. I need to speak truth to power to try and defend my family.
Well put Michelle.
I had some fun on Tuesday. I was on the train to group therapy, one stop away, when I got a call cancelling the session. So, I could turn around and go back to 100 degrees weather or...
I stayed on the train into cool San Francisco. (I love this region!). A nice walk on the embarcadero, and spent my copay on dinner at Fog City Diner.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170803/1a6789d27679b06d3f5937640dd4e593.jpg)
Very therapeutic! Highly recommended for anxiety and tension!
Insanely busy trying to organize my support team prior to GCS. This turns out to be a way to discover who your true friends are.
I've been meeting with folks offering to help out in the first few days when I'm home and largely incapable of doing much beyond using the bathroom. They want details. I give them details. They either continue to want to help out, or back off, way off. "Maybe I'll visit after you settle in for a week or two...". [emoji849]
I met with one dear friend yesterday about noon to go over this stuff. We went out to lunch afterward, and wound up discussing other projects, philosophy, experiences, and metaphysics until 11:30 that night as we moved from place to place. We hung out for hours at a big park event and had a late dinner at a food truck.
That made for a wonderful day. I may be falling in love.
More formal meeting events today and tonight, and possibly a slower day tomorrow.
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Hi Michelle,
Hope your day and night activities go or went well for you and hoping you have an enjoyable day to relax tomorrow.
My offer still stands should you find yourself still in need when the time comes. Like I said it might cost you a parking space and couch space. You are not that far.
Hugs,
Laurie
Had a long day, cleanup in the church kitchen, including a huge mess in one of the big stoves. Yuck! Kept me busy and distracted, probably a good thing.
Now, I'm at Elisabeth and Melissa's place for a backyard concert (!) and 25th anniversary party. It gets me to thinking and hoping that someday I might find someone.
Still, it is wonderful to finish a long day and week with friends.
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Finally home from church, and a surprise lunch and planning session with a committee chairperson and friend. Lunch doesn't usually go til 4PM, but... [emoji6]
I finally wore that Tahini dress. Fits real gud...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170806/b9d510d94a20f1dffce7bfbbd662bb8e.jpg)
I like it! It both looks nice and is very comfortable. Not bad for a consignment store find.
Now I'm going to rest a little while before I start work on scripting the gender lecture. I think I'm going to start with other cultures and then show how the Western culture gender binary model is limiting, hence the newer terminology and language.
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Michelle you're rockin' it! WOW
Definitely cute on you and very flattering. Looks classy with the ballerina slippers.
I'm proud of your progress and courage, Michelle.
Also, reading your stories shows me how differently our brains are wired.
To me, church has always been torture. Being forced to wear dresses and shoes to church when I was a kid, and later on, following all those endless conventional social/religious rules drove me to distraction. But being a loyal little religious person, I put up with it, believing that's what I must do to please God.
But after my husband ran off with a younger woman, the entire church turned on me, kicked me out of all my church offices, and I became invisible if I tried to talk to my former friends, while they continued to socialize with my husband and his new lover.
I can totally believe the statistics that 85% of white evangelicals voted for Trump.
I also told my daughter that I would only attend a church that didn't blame "God" for children being abused and people dying of lung cancer, just as though people are helpless victims of God's whims, with zero responsibility.
I realized that in the churches I'd been attending, the only way to be accepted was to be white, straight, married, with 2.5 children, have a good job, drive a good car. The moment my husband left me, making me a single female, I was rejected.
We never found such a church in the US, but here in Thailand, the Buddhist temples welcome everyone, even animals and birds, with zero judgment.
Also, your enjoyment of eating out with the girls, shopping, etc. are things I considered torture and a waste of time. People who hang with me also love to hike, climb mountains, go wave riding in the ocean, go trail riding on horses, etc. I still dress androgynously, but pass as female.
Aw, thanks, Kendra. Lisa, I was just amazed at how that darn dress looked on me. I have a pair of black sling back chunk heels that I thought would work best with it, but not for church. The flats worked really well, though.
Raell, yes, of course we are wired differently. I bet you'd like this church, though. We're considering removing 'Church' from the name. :) I'm a Unitarian Universalist (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unitarian_Universalism), and strongly agnostic (atheist is an unprovable belief system just as various Deist faiths and random god-botherers are.) The religion promotes rational thought and is creedless, no vast rule book or list of mandated 'must believe' items. God is definitely optional. Our church is LGBT friendly, and very definitely welcoming
And yes, I do like being a woman. I push my presentation and wardrobe a bit, just as much a perfectionist now as I ever was. I find that by keeping my appearance 'on point' I keep misgendering to a minimum. Simple jeans and t-shirt, no matter how nicely I fill them out, leads to misgendering. (That's what I wore cleaning the big kitchen up on Saturday.)
Hmm..that sounds intriguing.
And removing "church" from the name would make gun-shy, but spiritual people like myself more likely to come over to try it out.
When I move to the US, hopefully this month, it will be to Lexington, KY, though.
Electrolysis today. Two 2 hour sessions with a lunch break in between.
We completed the third clearing at the South Pole in preparation for GCS. (Mr. Limpy, make your peace. You have 10 weeks...)
We also cleared (again) the upper lip, lower lip to chin, and much of the right cheek.
I got a quad macchiato afterwards to celebrate and wash a bit of my prescription analgesic out of my system, then came home for a dinner salad.
Now I'm off to our LGBTQ 🏳️🌈 meeting to do a bit of planning and organizing, then I'll come home and fall over unconscious for a few hours.
So, how's retirement? I've never been busier! And just think, when I started RLE my therapist was afraid I'd be isolated and holed up in my apartment 24/7. She wanted me to get a part-time job. I don't have time for that!
The past week has been just insanely busy. I had graphics arts projects to finish off, a large display piece including some of the graphics to assemble, and some considerable teamwork in finishing up the projects.
Then, I have a presentation, "Gender: Beyond the Binary" to write. I have about two-thirds of it done for an initial draft, and then I have to to do the pacing and rewrite some of my speakers notes. This one will be given in a facility that seats 260 people. It will be interesting to see how many actually are there when I do the presentation.
I've also been invited to speak before another group on the subject of transgender veterans, probably a week after the gender presentation.
I know I haven't been around this site much in the past two weeks. My apologies, but things have gotten really busy in my life. Besides all of this, I need to work on preparations for my upcoming GCS and get my support system in place.
You have amazing focus and energy.
How much time are you taking off to recooperate, Michelle?
Hi Michelle,
Calm down girl. Take a deep breath. Breathe in... Breathe out... Breathe in... Breathe out. There does that feel better? Yes My Dear you have a lot to do. And you have been a bit too quite around here lately and I expect you'll be for a little while more yet. We understand and we will persevere during your reduced presence.
You will manage to get everything done. This we know. You've shown us some of what you can accomplish in the past and this time will be no different. This is a job for Wonder Woman Michelle_P!!
Go girl go!
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Michelle_P on August 13, 2017, 11:15:51 PM
Then, I have a presentation, "Gender: Beyond the Binary" to write. I have about two-thirds of it done for an initial draft, and then I have to to do the pacing and rewrite some of my speakers notes. This one will be given in a facility that seats 260 people. It will be interesting to see how many actually are there when I do the presentation.
I've also been invited to speak before another group on the subject of transgender veterans, probably a week after the gender presentation.........................................................................
What a great opportunity to impart some of the knowledge of yours. I am guessing this is some kind of adult education you are doing? Sounds interesting and I am sure you will do it justice. Good luck and I hope they both go really well...
How is the GCS Prep going?
Quote from: ElizabethK on August 14, 2017, 02:09:53 AM
What a great opportunity to impart some of the knowledge of yours. I am guessing this is some kind of adult education you are doing? Sounds interesting and I am sure you will do it justice. Good luck and I hope they both go really well...
How is the GCS Prep going?
Yes, this is an adult education program, part of a series i am working on with friends to educate others about various LGBT issues. The intent of the first few is to simply provide the vocabulary and dispel basic misconceptions.
The GCS prep is charging ahead. I'm doing hair removal for that, as required by my surgical team. The area has been fully cleared three times now, and I'll probably get another 2-3 full clearings in before surgery. The last clearing took maybe 50 minutes. We go a few weeks between clearings to allow time for more follicles to enter their active phase, then zap those.
I have several friends volunteering time to help out with my recovery. There's even a support team from the local UU congregation I can call on if needed. I'll be using a web site with the ability to list different tasks (Grocery run on Day 3; Transportation for doctor visit on Day 14; etc) that folks can sign up for. I haven't started gathering supplies yet, but folks who have been here before me have posted their supply lists and I'all be using those plus any information from the surgeons to guide me.
I need to make a few small changes in my apartment to make this work better, no big deal. I also need to get the lease/rental locked down for a few more months. My existing lease expires two days after surgery, and I would like to avoid being a homeless postop person!
You are a dynamo, Michelle! I hope your presentations and prep continue to go well. There's no shame in canceling a few things, either ;).
Quote from: Michelle_P on August 14, 2017, 09:36:47 AM
................ My existing lease expires two days after surgery, and I would like to avoid being a homeless postop person!
Being out on the street would cause a couple of issues I suspect...not a good look or outcome ;)
...but if anyone could quickly turn that outcome around and make something great of it, that would be Michelle.
Almost time for a hot runthru of my speech for Sunday. New material, new location, fresh audience.
Just to add to the fun, the presentation will be live-streamed on YouTube.
"Gender: Beyond the Binary"
https://m.youtube.com/user/MDUUC (https://m.youtube.com/user/MDUUC)
August 20, 2017, 12:00 noon PDT for the live stream. A recording will go up later.
Just a little more public education...
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Looking forward to that 👍😊
Hi Michelle,
I hope this audience is far more accepting and open minded than your last bunch. Glad to see you not getting discouraged by them and pushing on to the next challenge. I am sure you did a great job last time and that you will do just as well with this one. Break a leg.
Hugs,
Laurie
I got a call yesterday evening from my HMO, to tell me details of my new cancer monitoring and treatment plan. Skin cancer of several flavors, a lethal nuisance if not monitored, a nuisance with monitoring. I'll be having my hide checked regularly, and besides the iniquimod surface chemo there will be another round of fluorouracil. I have some more suspect areas to be evaluated at my next appointment in a couple weeks, one of which I suspect will result in yet another Mohs surgery.
Kids, use sunblock, like, every day, whether or not you think it's needed. You 50 years from now will thank you. :-/
Quote from: Michelle_P on August 19, 2017, 10:24:53 AM
I have some more suspect areas to be evaluated at my next appointment in a couple weeks, one of which I suspect will result in yet another Mohs surgery.
Kids, use sunblock, like, every day, whether or not you think it's needed. You 50 years from now will thank you. :-/
Hi Michelle,
Glad to hear that your HMO is doing what they can to further insure and treat your brushes with cancer. Bothersome it may be but the alternative is unthinkable. Sorry to hear of the new suspicions too.
I guess I fall into your warnings for kids at almost 65 (3 weeks from today). I never used sun screen and suffered many burns and blistering on my head, nose and ears until I started to employ on of the best sunscreens you can use. Long pants, long sleeve shirts, and a hat. They work. But now that I've decided to let the woman in me come out I confess to a desire to show more skin and develop a bit of a tan. Once again I confess I've been negligent with the sunscreen more often than not.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Michelle_P on August 19, 2017, 10:24:53 AM
Kids, use sunblock, like, every day, whether or not you think it's needed. You 50 years from now will thank you. :-/
I hope your treatments take care of any issues you have. We have incredibly high skin cancer rates here in Australia. It is part of normal education for Kids in Australia these days "Slip Slop Slap" was the catch cry....My understanding is that our rates are falling as the message is ingrained throughout the community. I hope this turns out well for you...
The presentation is done. Presented. In the can. Finished.
Also, on YouTube.
Gender: Beyond the Binary (https://youtu.be/mQSRNrYkRd0)
https://youtu.be/mQSRNrYkRd0
40 minutes on gender, including the last 10 on transgender, and about 35 minutes of Q&A, of which about 20 made it to YouTube before the stream failed. Then there was the hour of one-on-ones once the camera was off...
I'm gonna take a nap.
Edit: Carol Sue, our A/V guru, got most of the dropped Q&A session saved!
https://youtu.be/Ww5qhq8eLwM
https://youtu.be/Ww5qhq8eLwM
Quote from: Michelle_P on August 20, 2017, 06:51:51 PM
The presentation is done. Presented. In the can. Finished.
Wow, what an excellent presentation, Michelle! Well done! Your nap is well-deserved.
Hi Michelle,
I just watched your presentation and you did a very good job. You are pretty good at doing presentations are you not? It it something you do regularly or just something you are newly getting into doing?
Anyway, Good Job, Michelle I am proud of what you are doing. Thank you.
Hugs,
Laurie
Thanks, KathyLauren!
Laurie, I've actually done presentations and classroom training for a long time. I was an instructor for the US Navy Nuclear Power Program for two years, training everyone from junior enlisted personnel to flag admirals on nuclear power plant theory and operations. I was an instructor at a tech company for a few years before moving into their software engineering team, and even while later working as an engineer I did technical presentations, at conferences like the NeXTworld Expo and Apple Worldwide developer conference.
Since I retired, I've done presentations at everything from amateur radio clubs on physics and antennas, and even restoring old radios, to talking about marginalized people and transgender issues. The "Gender: Beyond the Binary" is the first in what I hope will be a new educational series on LGBTQ related subjects.
Quote from: Michelle_P on August 20, 2017, 09:22:53 PM
Thanks, KathyLauren!
Laurie, I've actually done presentations and classroom training for a long time. I was an instructor for the US Navy Nuclear Power Program for two years, training everyone from junior enlisted personnel to flag admirals on nuclear power plant theory and operations. I was an instructor at a tech company for a few years before moving into their software engineering team, and even while later working as an engineer I did technical presentations, at conferences like the NeXTworld Expo and Apple Worldwide developer conference.
Since I retired, I've done presentations at everything from amateur radio clubs on physics and antennas, and even restoring old radios, to talking about marginalized people and transgender issues. The "Gender: Beyond the Binary" is the first in what I hope will be a new educational series on LGBTQ related subjects.
Dang it Michelle, I knew some of that. Sorry must have been my sometimers kicking in again.
Oh wait, strike that... This was my way of letting you tell everyone your list of fabulous credentials again. They bear repeating.
( yeah, that's the ticket. I'm sure everyone will believe this last part)
Laurie
Quote from: Michelle_P on August 20, 2017, 06:51:51 PM
40 minutes on gender, including the last 10 on transgender, and about 35 minutes of Q&A, of which about 20 made it to YouTube before the stream failed. Then there was the hour of one-on-ones once the camera was off...
I'm gonna take a nap.
Standing applause Michelle! Absolutely awesome!
We haven't talked before, but I've binge-read your thread, and you, as with Rachel, Moni, Laurie, and so many others here, are my hero and role model. I wanna be just like you when I grow up (despite being almost 59 now).
Thank you.Stephanie (pronouns she and her, just starting my journey)
Our A/V guru got most of the dropped Q&A session recovered and online! I added that YouTube URL to the original post above.
https://youtu.be/Ww5qhq8eLwM
Loved it...well done...it sounds to me like you have been working on your voice. Your voice and the way you use it sounds great and very natural.
Quote from: ElizabethK on August 21, 2017, 05:39:26 AM
Loved it...well done...it sounds to me like you have been working on your voice. Your voice and the way you use it sounds great and very natural.
Thanks. Yes, I've been working on it. I need to move the pitch up a little higher at my 'public speaking' volume, mostly a matter of strength building over time for those muscles that we use in speech pitch. I was running around E3 for much of the talk, pushed it during Q&A to G3. In conversation I try to get it around A3 with occasional swings above C4.
Much of the Q&A focused on trans issues, which I thought was interesting. We had several trans people in the audience, as well as some other gender-variant activists, and we got some good back-and-forth dialogue going. We actually went about 15 minutes over our time allocation, and the pesky stream dropped at the one hour point. Our A/V Guru Carol Sue got it restarted, and I think we only dropped one Q&A.
I got the inevitable surgery question, and flipped that to a discussion of the many surgeries for FtM and MtF, the time and cost, and the different decisions people might make regarding surgery, as of course not all of us choose the same paths in our transitions.
It was a good experience for our audience, and I'm glad we got the recordings done.
Keep elucidating the muggles. You rock, girl!
So far, so good. The initial video has gone over very well, several other groups are considering adding it to their curriculum, and I've been asked to write some accompanying articles. My team is starting preproduction for the next presentation.
The bad news is that I'm dead on my feet, still have to set up the support signup website for my GCS in October, and have to deal with the passport office tomorrow. I did manage to get the picture done today after spending about 3 hours on the phone with other people on their projects.
I cannot believe how freaking busy my life has gotten recently. I have to apologize for not being around here very much, and particularly for leaving the Moderation Team hanging. I was relieved to see that they've hitched up a new Lorry of some sort to assist them.
Oof. Just finished up a massive electrolysis session. Jodie had to bump me from my usual Monday slots for personal business, but she actually opened up the business just for me today! (I consider her a good friend as well as my electrolysis person.)
We went out to lunch at a neat little bistro between bouts. That was pleasant, and a nice social break.
The best achievement of the day was having the entire right side of my face and neck cleared! [emoji7]
I go back tomorrow to clear the South Pole and whatever else we can get to. I've got another 4 hours scheduled for Monday, after which I expect to retire my shaving equipment. [emoji313][emoji312][emoji75]
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On electrolysis I can definitely relate. The procedure makes me wide awake without any coffee. Although it is even more expensive than Starbucks.
Wow, congrats on nearing the end of your electrolysis! I hope to be in your shoes some day soon!!!
Kendra, yes, the process definitely gets your attention!
P, the good news is that as the mature hair is cleared, the new follicles are shallower and weaker.
In recent months my electrolysis person has been able to move to a smaller #3 probe insulated almost to the tip, and a lower current level. Today we re-cleared the South Pole and my upper lip in a single two hour session, using just EMLA cream, and nothing in the way of painkillers beyond a single naproxen tablet. No Norco or other such potent stuff, and honestly, there was barely any sensation except right the nostrils.
I was able to get through everything using music and conversation to distract me for the bottom work, and mindful meditation for the lip. The meditation allows me to let go of the sensation rather than hold and anticipate, which intensifies pain.
Next up is a speech I am giving Saturday to a political organization on transgender persons and the military. Should be a real stemwinder! No details here, for obvious reasons.
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Hi Michelle,
Good luck on Saturday. Neither of those audiences sound promising and I hope it actually turn out well for you there. I'll cross my fingers for you.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on August 25, 2017, 05:59:21 AM
Hi Michelle,
Good luck on Saturday. Neither of those audiences sound promising and I hope it actually turn out well for you there. I'll cross my fingers for you.
Hugs,
Laurie
Thanks. The speech's elements are coming together nicely. The biggest question in my mind is if they'll let me finish. Very, very interesting mix of people for this event, mostly LGB folks including some second-wave feminists. I'm hoping I can tap my inner Julia Serrano.
I got through the speech, and am healing up nicely after almost 6 hours of electrolysis last week. Naturally, I'm not done, and have another 4 hours tomorrow. I expect to run out of hair to remove sometime tomorrow. Anyone want to buy half a COSTCO package of razors? ;D
After the speech I helped out on some other little projects, then went to a private meeting with our Congressperson to give a very short version of my little speech, the elevator pitch version. That went well, and a aide requested copies of my data and speech.
Post with speech and links to supporting data (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,227733.msg2019593.html#msg2019593)
Gender studies area - Post of links to my gender speech and handouts, all tidied up (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,227731.msg2019583.html#msg2019583)
Oh, I finally got the auto insurance and auto club membership into my name. It looks like the last try mysteriously vanished, but a friendly agent there got all the records in line. Naturally, my rates went up. Women drivers...
The cold that's been nagging at me seems to be fading away finally. I'm going to try and get some sleep.
Meanwhile, on the medical front at Kaiser NorCal...
I have GCS scheduled for Oct 20 2017, about 8 weeks away. That was an amazingly close date.
Unfortunately, while I have been evaluated for FFS, I am on a waitlist to be eventually scheduled for surgery when the calender opens up farther out. The proposed surgery will be in two parts at least 6 months apart.
The kicker is that I will be forced onto Medicare in November 2018, in the Kaiser SeniorAdvantage program. That means I'll have no coverage for FFS, and will wind up paying the full bill at 'list price' from Kaiser's Charge Master. That's a six figure price!
It appears the current plan is effectively to 'wait and see' and eventually be declined as an uncovered treatment. I'll be filing a complaint, but we know how effective that will be.
I'm afraid I'll be looking into overseas travel to get FFS, perhaps Thailand or Spain. I've filed for a new passport with the corrected gender and name. The check to the State Department cleared today, so something is happening on that front.
Time to start digging through the FFS area and picking out possible destinations and surgeons. Yuck. Once again, I have to gamble with the rest of my life.
H there Michelle,
Congrats on the GCS date and Boooo! on Kaiser putting you off until after you on the senior plan. Well, there goes my liking Kaiser for a surgical option. I hadn't looked into it enough to see just what coverage the senior plan would cover and was liking everything they were doing for you up until now. I am already on Medicare and the VA does not do any surgery for transgender vets. then who knows what VA coverage may be canceled under this current administration. (and that's all I'm going to say along that line) Kaiser could be a little different up here in Oregon due to difference in state law. I will have to look into it.
Otherwise I haope all is well and your GCS plans are coming together.
Hugs,
Laurie
My US passport arrived today. Correct name and gender, good for 10 years. That removes a large class of obstacles.
I had my three month cancer screening today. No signs of the melanoma returning, all lymph nodes normal. I had the usual dozen or so questionable spots frozen off, and biopsy done of an active patch on the edge of an old excision site. A general surgery may be needed to do a larger excision. Unfortunately it's on my chest just below the neck. Nice and visible.
I've got s few other things going on that may be relevant here as well. More in a few days.
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Congratulations!
Michelle you are an inspiration.
Congrats on the good screening Michelle. I hope the active spot doesn't turn into a bad spot. Also congrats on the passport.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Michelle_P on August 30, 2017, 12:13:14 AM
Meanwhile, on the medical front at Kaiser NorCal...
I have GCS scheduled for Oct 20 2017, about 8 weeks away. That was an amazingly close date.
Unfortunately, while I have been evaluated for FFS, I am on a waitlist to be eventually scheduled for surgery when the calender opens up farther out. The proposed surgery will be in two parts at least 6 months apart.
The kicker is that I will be forced onto Medicare in November 2018, in the Kaiser SeniorAdvantage program. That means I'll have no coverage for FFS, and will wind up paying the full bill at 'list price' from Kaiser's Charge Master. That's a six figure price!
It appears the current plan is effectively to 'wait and see' and eventually be declined as an uncovered treatment. I'll be filing a complaint, but we know how effective that will be.
I'm afraid I'll be looking into overseas travel to get FFS, perhaps Thailand or Spain. I've filed for a new passport with the corrected gender and name. The check to the State Department cleared today, so something is happening on that front.
Time to start digging through the FFS area and picking out possible destinations and surgeons. Yuck. Once again, I have to gamble with the rest of my life.
I'd check out the Preecha Aesthetic Institute. They have some impressive results and their prices are quite reasonable. All performed in a First Class Hospital. Good luck, Michelle. If you need any other info...PM me.
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 01, 2017, 10:39:03 PM
My US passport arrived today. Correct name and gender, good for 10 years. That removes a large class of obstacles.
I had my three month cancer screening today. No signs of the melanoma returning, all lymph nodes normal. I had the usual dozen or so questionable spots frozen off, and biopsy done of an active patch on the edge of an old excision site. A general surgery may be needed to do a larger excision. Unfortunately it's on my chest just below the neck. Nice and visible.
I've got s few other things going on that may be relevant here as well. More in a few days.
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Nice one Michelle on the clearance and the Passport.
Well, life goes on. Insanely busy, but holding it together.
I've been working on several projects, from graphics for branding a fundraising event, to production work for an amateur radio license test session for about 100 people. This keeps me hopping, of course.
Being so busy would normally be a good thing for me, if only to keep me distracted. I don't handle idle alone time all that well, or at least I didn't months ago. I haven't had any in a while. I'm trying to wrap up a zillion loose ends and ongoing projects now before surgery. Once I'm in recovery from my surgery I'll be writing articles like crazy, for publications and the wiki here. That's the plan, anyway.
I've got the passport now, and at least one friend is interested in traveling with me on an overseas vacation. Just a vacation! I'm waiting to hear back from my medical provider on FFS timing to see if I'll be able to get it, with that Medicare age arriving in a bit over a year and the changes in coverage. If I can't get it here I'll be looking into more overseas travel as well as a few providers in the US.
I've even got a social life! I'll be filling in for a local trans social group leader in hosting an event Saturday, and have been invited to another event Sunday.
I've even had interesting developments in my personal life that I'm trying to process. A dear friend had a heart-to-heart with me, after a couple weeks where I didn't hear from her, and it turns out that this person had feelings for me which were confusing and disturbing her. She was quite conflicted until she saw my gender identity presentation and realized some things about herself, and the different types of attraction between individuals. I think we've resolved everything and will remain very good friends, after a very awkward conversation. My therapist thought I had done OK in handling this, but... wow. Definitely unexpected.
On the down side, I was attending a luncheon event Thursday when another attendee approached me while I was enjoying an amazing chocolate cake with my coffee. She had also seen my gender presentation, and had questions. Very persistent questions.
"Are you gay?" Well, I am a lesbian. "No, i mean..." No, I am not a failed gay man who couldn't come out and is trying to trick men. I am attracted to women.
"Just like a real woman..." Dear, I AM a real woman. I just had to take a rather circuitous route to get here. Who we are lives in the brain, not a few ounces of soft tissue between our legs.
I just wanted to enjoy a wonderful chocolate cake and my coffee, not do another personalized presentation demanding that I Bare My Soul To Them. But, here I am, trying to explain fetal development and epigenetic effects to someone demanding answers. I tried, I really did, but they couldn't be troubled to listen and walked away.
If someone wants to talk to me, I'd rather talk about cooking, great coffee places, urban trekking, the best day trips locally, goofy stuff in the news. Anything but "justify your existence to me in 30 seconds."
If you insist on demanding to know the most intimate details of my life experience, please remember that I Do NOT Owe You An Explanation, and if I do tell you something, do me the courtesy of at least listening, actually listening, to all of it rather than walking away.
Way to harsh my mellow.
I vented on the phone with another friend, who helped me process this garbage. I'll get over it. Mostly, it points out to me how much work I still need to do with myself to develop the confidence to set hard limits and push back on these people. Consider it a growth opportunity.
Great reply for "You look just like a real woman."; "So do you, dear." ...meow...
Meanwhile, I've got to get a few more things together for hosting that event tomorrow, and quite a bit for my surgery next month. I'm afraid I won't be around here all that much, but there are immediate demands on my life that are important for me to address.
Quote"justify your existence to me in 30 seconds."
You hit the nail on the head with that one! It can be really hard to deal with the self-righteous know-it-alls we sometimes run into. I really respect and admire your approach. I am so glad most people I meet aren't like that.
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 09, 2017, 12:46:44 AM
"Just like a real woman..." Dear, I AM a real woman. I just had to take a rather circuitous route to get here. Who we are lives in the brain, not a few ounces of soft tissue between our legs.
Hi Michelle,
I have been following your thread for quite some time and admire your moxie.
The whole existential conundrum on what a "real woman" is has always caused me angst. I never considered myself a "real woman". I am a transsexual female; a female spirit in a male body that I have managed to modify as much as medical science will permit. I really couldn't tell you if that makes me a woman or not.
My membership into the Sisterhood only goes as far as cis-gender women will accept me. As far as what men think, I really don't care. For me it's only what other women think that matters. I can only hope my kindredness toward other women and genuine feelings of femininity will be enough for an associate membership. My goal in transition has always been the ability to assume a female social role, and be perceived and treated as a female. That's kind of a cop-out, in some respects, but it's practical and it saves me from the philosophical tug-of-war that would otherwise overwhelm my modest and otherwise benign goals for my existence in the remaining years of my life.
Wishing you all the best,
Terri
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 09, 2017, 12:46:44 AM
Great reply for "You look just like a real woman."; "So do you, dear." ...meow...
Love your work...I like that and the circuitous route comment out of all of them and I can certainly think of occasions where I can use them. :D
I had my usual Monday with two 2 hour electrolysis sessions. This stuff goes way faster as the mature hair vanishes and we have nothing but immature active hairs left.
In today's session, we:
* cleared the South Pole a 5th time as part of GCS prep
* cleared the upper lip again
* cleared the right cheek and neck
Using a lower current and shorter pulse, with a thin #3 probe with extra long insulation was much more comfortable than the early days, but was sufficient to zap the immature hairs. Yay!
My electrolyst had an opening Thursday afternoon, which I grabbed. I may have my entire face cleared again this week, like two weeks ago! Yaaaay!
This means that I have shaved once in the past three weeks, when I had no electrolysis last week and the few hairs left were getting far too long. [emoji50]. [emoji4]
Pretty neat.
Meanwhile, I've still got lots of balls in the air. A large local amateur radio organization approached me to take on the Vice President position for 2018. It's an honor, but I don't think I want to add this to my activities, as I'm constantly overbooked as is.
I've got several graphic arts projects going, needing display artwork done. Unfortunately, one of the items is subject to approval by a committee, so pretty much anything I do is doomed to be buried in committee meetings and revisions. Not A Rush Job...
There's that big Amateur Radio exam session and class in a few weeks, so lots to do for that.
Oh, and there is a major surgery in less than 6 weeks.
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yeah Michelle, I like that "Oh btw I got major surgery coming up" Piece of cake, not to worry, no big deal.
Don't make me come hunt you down....
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 15, 2016, 09:19:13 PM
My sense of humor seems to have deteriorated recently. I may not be thinking completely straight. There's a reason for that.
I was one of those folks who thought that they might be able to transition and keep their family together, fueled by fantasies of the spouse and I just being comfortable platonic roommates (which we were before I came out...), and perhaps shopping with my daughter ("We'll go into Forever 21 right after I check out the sale at Talbot's...")
Nope.
My spouse lives in fear of seeing me as myself, and worse, my being seen by her friends or our neighbors. I can't be myself at home, and we go through a ritual of text messages when I leave or return. This is causing her much anxiety, to the point where she asked me to leave after the holidays. Presumably I would hover around the holiday feasts like Banquo's ghost. I had posted on this a bit a week ago.
Well, the schedule has been advanced a bit. I've been asked to be out by November 1. She likes the idea of a hard deadline. We'll be doing a straightforward mediated divorce. California law is clear on how we have to proceed, so the biggest issue is who gets the coffee grinder. (I do.)
Meanwhile, besides dismantling myself at home, I now am dismantling 40 years of my life. I'm sorting through and stripping down my library, giving away tools (table saws are inappropriate in a small condo...), trying to pack away my little engineering lab, and so on. I'm also searching real estate ads and websites, making appointments to see apartments, and such. Oh, and I'm also opening new credit and checking accounts and preparing to close old ones.
You know, the usual...
I'd be numb with depression if I wasn't so damn busy. But I've got to do this. It's not enough to take me down.
"There's a moment that changes a life when
We do something that no one else can
And the path that we've taken will lead us:
One final stand."
- "I May Fall", Jeff Williams
And once I'm past this point, those good days will be my every days.
WE HAVE never met but I have been to that point and made the move.
Firstly I am sorry you are going through this.
It will all be better off one day. I have come to believe that life has a Path for each of us and you are walking down that path. All works out way better in the end.
Depression.... vs BUSY. MY GOODNESS you are busy, but it is also good to grieve a bit. I never did by the way! I was angry, glad, baffled, concerned for my children etc ... i never shed a tear. IMHO it sounds like your life is waiting for you. Your kids will come. Give them a few years and boom. I never bashed the ex wife and supported her decisions with them and questioned them to her directly. Now all kids are coming to me this year flying across the USA to see me on their dime. My point. Kids need time to reflect. Just tell them you love them always and they will likely return.
Moving. Moving for me was a cleansing process. It seems that way for you. Time to throw out the old, bad, unused, what have I been holding on to my college books for twenty years for event. When I landed. I found myself getting rid of most except furniture from my family history. I found I cleansed my past, part of the process. I did it yearly. If I would have thrown it all out upfront my moving bill would have been 200.00. Lol.
I wish you the best. I like you have a new beginning. I have 8 children now, wife and a dog[emoji849]! A piece of land that kicks my ass daily. A pool I have never swum in. Weeds that won't die and a house that I need to completely remodel. 1/3 way through. But now I can be VANNY!
Best of luck to you!
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Quote from: Laurie on September 12, 2017, 04:38:23 AM
yeah Michelle, I like that "Oh btw I got major surgery coning up" Piece of cake, not to worry, no big deal.
Don't make me come hunt you down....
Hugs,
Laurie
Oh, now I see your ways!
Wait til I'm wounded and have retreated to my den, and only then make your approach.
Hrmph! Fortunately I share my residence with a pack of honey badgers. You won't stand a chance!
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Vanny, keep in mind that post was from 11 months ago, and I was chock full of depression and anxiety. The past 10 months have been the happiest of my adult life.
I have certainly had my ups and downs as recorded in this thread, but am overall much happier and centered than I had ever been before.
Yes, I lost a lot, but I have gained a new life, certainly worth something.
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Quote from: Michelle_P on September 12, 2017, 08:05:49 PM
Oh, now I see your ways!
Wait til I'm wounded and have retreated to my den, and only then make your approach.
Hrmph! Fortunately I share my residence with a pack of honey badgers. You won't stand a chance!
Michelle ::) ::)
Do you honestly think I would... ooops wait a minute, now that I think of it I may have already done that one before. It's been so long ago now that I almost forgot. Wait, wait, I think it's coming back now something about another wounded creature ruining my hunt... Now just what was it? A Mini or Meenie something.. Well whatever it was I remember I had to give up the hunt because there was no challenge there. I was lead to believe it would be a formidable foe but it was just a poor wounded bedridden creature surrounded by a somber group of caretakers. I do have to admit those caretakers were and very compassionate bunch.
Are you telling me the trip would not be worth my while? Perhaps the honey badgers would be a worthy challenge.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 12, 2017, 08:05:49 PM
Fortunately I share my residence with a pack of honey badgers.
Honey badger don't give a sh*t.
The best defense is a strong offense: M*k**v*r
Stephanie
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 12, 2017, 08:11:52 PM
Vanny, keep in mind that post was from 11 months ago, and I was chock full of depression and anxiety. The past 10 months have been the happiest of my adult life.
I have certainly had my ups and downs as recorded in this thread, but am overall much happier and centered than I had ever been before.
Yes, I lost a lot, but I have gained a new life, certainly worth something.
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Whew! [emoji41][emoji109]
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Quote from: Laurie on September 12, 2017, 08:19:36 PM
Are you telling me the trip would not be worth my while? Perhaps the honey badgers would be a worthy challenge.
Hugs,
Laurie
They are clever beasts. There's a drawer full of booby traps in the apartment that they might deploy. In pairs, of course.
Laurie, you are always welcome here. There's space for your truck in the garage, I have a sofa bed that can be made up easily, and after my last visit to Wicked Grounds in SF for coffee and whatnot, you'll be able to stay as long as I want.
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 13, 2017, 11:56:17 PM
They are clever beasts. There's a drawer full of booby traps in the apartment that they might deploy. In pairs, of course.
Laurie, you are always welcome here. There's space for your truck in the garage, I have a sofa bed that can be made up easily, and after my last visit to Wicked Grounds in SF for coffee and whatnot, you'll be able to stay as long as I want.
But are the booby traps a 40A? and are they pretty? And all the comforts of home too. It's those "whatnots" that I am a bit concerned about though especially in light of you last sentence... Though it might me interesting.
There will be a visit. Mark my words.
Hugs,
Laurie
Just some fun stuff...
I'm winding up most of my extracurricular activities. There is a huge radio amateur license class and exam session in early October, and a two hour class I'm doing next week. I've got a few more graphic arts projects, mostly logo designs for a nonprofit. Then it will be all "me" time for surgery prep, pantry stocking, and getting my support network up to speed.
I'm heading off the first week in October to hike Mt Lassen. This is a form of retreat and an opportunity for meditation and centering before surgery. The mountains reputation as a nexus of spiritual power doesn't hurt, either.
It will be nice to get away.
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Quote from: Michelle_P on September 14, 2017, 02:14:40 PM
Just some fun stuff...
I'm heading off the first week in October to hike Mt Lassen. This is a form of retreat and an opportunity for meditation and centering before surgery. The mountains reputation as a nexus of spiritual power doesn't hurt, either.
It will be nice to get away.
Yep it will be nice for you to settle down a bit. Hey Mt Lassen?!? That only what 460 miles from here. That's just down the road a piece. Enjoy your meditation.
Hugs,
Laurie
Michelle, enjoy your time hiking Lassen, I have done a week in it's backcountry some thirty five years ago and I don't imagine that it has changed much since then. Such a lovely place to let your soul wander and refresh itself.
Tia Anne
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 14, 2017, 02:14:40 PM
Just some fun stuff...
I'm winding up most of my extracurricular activities. There is a huge radio amateur license class and exam session in early October, and a two hour class I'm doing next week. I've got a few more graphic arts projects, mostly logo designs for a nonprofit. Then it will be all "me" time for surgery prep, pantry stocking, and getting my support network up to speed.
I'm heading off the first week in October to hike Mt Lassen. This is a form of retreat and an opportunity for meditation and centering before surgery. The mountains reputation as a nexus of spiritual power doesn't hurt, either.
It will be nice to get away.
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I hope the weather behaves nicely for you Michelle on your hike. X
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Anything but "justify your existence to me in 30 seconds."
If you insist on demanding to know the most intimate details of my life experience, please remember that I Do NOT Owe You An Explanation, and
Great reply for "You look just like a real woman."; "So do you, dear." ...meow...
[/quote]
😆😂😄👏👍 that's the spirit !
Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 12, 2017, 08:35:38 PM
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 12, 2017, 08:05:49 PM
Fortunately I share my residence with a pack of honey badgers.
Honey badger don't give a sh*t.
The best defense is a strong offense: M*k**v*r
Stephanie
Once my loyal team has ensnared that huntress in the booby traps and the silk cords are in place, well... There's a Sephora only 4 blocks from me, with six window seats in the front of the store where the professional cosmeticians practice their trade. They'll do a 45 minute full workup for a modest purchase.
And then there's Deja Vu (https://www.yelp.com/biz/deja-vu-boutique-pleasant-hill). I can toss that 'huntress' to the gentle mercies of Kara, Nancy, and Ann. (Trans-friendly business in the area!)
The suburban wilds are a a most hazardous area to try stalking me in.
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 18, 2017, 12:06:01 AM
Once my loyal team has ensnared that huntress in the booby traps and the silk cords are in place, well... There's a Sephora only 4 blocks from me, with six window seats in the front of the store where the professional cosmeticians practice their trade. They'll do a 45 minute full workup for a modest purchase.
And then there's Deja Vu (https://www.yelp.com/biz/deja-vu-boutique-pleasant-hill). I can toss that 'huntress' to the gentle mercies of Kara, Nancy, and Ann. (Trans-friendly business in the area!)
Well, I don't know about "The Huntress," but if
I stalk you, would you subject
me to that "punishment?" I think I'm about ready; it sounds like so much fun!
Steph
Hey, I don't think anyone has said anything yet, but I noticed in Susan's latest newsletter (yes, I read every word she sends out) that our humble over-achiever has volunteered for a new responsibility here.
Thank you, Michelle, for taking over as our Wiki editor!
Steph
Hey Michelle, for that kind of punishment I will come stalking as well, please please. Anne
Hmmm... The badgers and I are gonna need a bigger... apartment.
Meanwhile, back on Earth...
I just hit a major transition goal today. During electrolysis, my electrolyst ran out of hair before the end of the second session.
Ran... out... of... HAIR! ;D ;D ;D
So, home for a quick shower and change, and I am going out to celebrate!
Wheeeee!
Yay Michelle!
Mine told me today I have a lot of hairs above my lip like it was unusual. I think I am going to be seeing her for a long long time
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Quote from: Michelle_P on September 21, 2017, 01:53:04 AM
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;D ;D Priceless
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 21, 2017, 01:53:04 AM
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Brilliant! I'm laughing in the middle of my office, people are staring.
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Oh my goodness, what a laugh you gave me!!! :laugh:
There you go Michelle, torturing the poor thing. I never really gave mine any warning though I think he had suspicions, one day there and then in some medical incinerator I suppose.
Quote from: Anne Blake on September 21, 2017, 03:05:44 PM
There you go Michelle, torturing the poor thing. I never really gave mine any warning though I think he had suspicions, one day there and then in some medical incinerator I suppose.
I'm big on recycling. It's almost all donor tissue for my particular set of procedures. Mostly reconstruction rather than removal, to be done by Drs Selim and Thomas, very experienced doctors in these procedures.
Modified two-stage inversion with only about 30% of the patients wanting to do the second stage. Based on Dr Melzer and Dr Preecha's work. They trained under both.
1st stage results I've seen look great at the 6 month point. 2nd stage typically corrects urination issues and any cosmetic issues, should either arise.
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Just got the first stage of Dr. Ley's (hopefully based upon Dr. Meltzers procedure) work done ten days ago and way too early to tell by looking but she suggests that with my intentions of staying non penetrative and with no close inspectors I should have no need or desire for the second stage. This works fine with me! Dr.s Ley and Meltzer's second stage is reported to be hooding of the clitoris and creation of inner Labia. Good luck with it all.
I just had Sunday brunch with my legal team/daughter visiting from Brooklyn, and her SO. It was the first time he had met Michelle. No issues, so yay!
We had a great time, ate and drank too much, talked for hours, and parted happy and friendly with hugs all around.
Wonderful day!
Oh, the requisite photo. Here's what I wore to church and brunch:
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170924/75b5dfa9eb6fc7ea5ef21285b481a5c4.jpg)
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You look marvelous, and I'm so happy to hear that you had a nice visit with your daughter and her SO.
Great pic Michelle, looking totally fab. X
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Awww... Thanks! I thought it made a cute combination. That was a fun brunch, too, although the bottomless champagne is a bit dangerous.
Monday I had another two of the 2 hour electrolysis sessions scheduled. One hour on bottom clearing, the final pass before surgery, as the surgeon wants no electrolysis down there in the last 3-4 weeks before surgery, and then another whack at the upper lip and lower lip to chin area in the next hour. Nothing left but fuzz! In the afternoon, we spent a hour and a half clearing everything else, again, down to nothing but fuzz, tiny little vellous hairs.
The result, once the soreness was iced away and a day had passed, is remarkable. I keep running my fingers over my face and tearing up a little bit.
I spent Tuesday cleaning house and assembling my shopping list, cases of lube, a few hundred Chux, spray bottles of hydrogen peroxide. You know, the usual... ;) Tuesday evening I had a group therapy session. My recent edginess the last couple of days? Massive PMS. Yow! My admiration for ciswomen kicked up a notch. I don't see how they get through life without leaving a trail of male corpses behind them every month.
Today I'll be visiting my ex-mother-in-law in her new independent living apartment. Apparently there is a birthday party for September folks there today, and she wants to attend, and was concerned about me. I think I'll wear that Tahari black number with the collarless blouse again. :)
Tomorrow I'm doing a long walk, something I enjoy. This particular one will take me along the San Francisco Embarcadero, a stop for a Laurie-style steak & eggs breakfast with Irish coffee, along the Marina district out to the Golden Gate Bridge. I'll cross the bridge to Sausalito, head down a new path to the base of the bridge, then along the waterfront to downtown for dinner and a ferry ride back to San Francisco. Probably my last chance to do something like this for a while.
Oh, and Friday is National Coffee Day! Wheeeeee! I'll be EVERYWHERE!
The visit with the ex-mother-in-law went off without a hitch. Absolutely no issues with staff or other residents, and as far as anyone was concerned I was a friend. There was an awkward question about how we had met. "Oh, I was in college..." True, irrelevant, but effective. I was in college, and dating her daughter... :). I didn't mention THAT. The little birthday party was cute.
I did my long walk today. About 23,000 steps, 10 miles.
The Long Walk (https://www.facebook.com/Michelle.P001/posts/358766481243316)
This was a pretty neat experience. I haven't done this in a few decades, and not running my new endocrine system. It looks like I still can do it!
The bad news this week was that on Monday and Tuesday I thought the damn depression was back. I couldn't figure out why, but I was acting irritated and a bit crazy towards others, attacking my best friend, and generally being self-destructive. I found myself worrying that the suicidal urge might be about to return as well, and tried to spend Tuesday in the middle of crowds to help with that. (A coping mechanism I had to resort to when I first crashed and was forced to come out.)
A discussion with my therapist Tuesday evening revealed the real culprit. I recently had to stop estradiol prior to surgery, and my system was reacting to the sudden drop in E level from puberty to zero with a blast of massive PMS!
This is PMS? Yow! My admiration for ciswomen has risen enormously. How they manage to go through life without leaving a trail of male corpses behind them every month is a measure of the immense self-control that they must have learned.
Now that I know what it is and what to look out for, I am doing better. That was scary, though.
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Hi Michelle,
Ten miles is quite a walk. The best I'm managed in recent history was a bit over seven and it cost me several days of bruised feet. I hope the walk was scenic and very pleasurable. If it wasn't then I question anyone's motives for doing a long walk. I have fond memories of a long walk I made when I was in the boy scouts in Hawaii. A good number of us started out from the church we met at in the pre dawn hours to take a stroll across the island of Oahu and back. Five of us, including our scout master, finished that walk. We walked 50 miles in under 20 hours. All of the scouts last names began with "W" We thought that was so cool. There were some good memories from my boyhood this is one of them.
I am sorry you had that rough spot with your lack of hormones and glad it didn't get worse before you found out what was causing it. I know how you must have felt.
Thanks for the update and keep on making progress to that special day.
Hugs,
Laurie
I'm back from a few days off, spent at Mt. Lassen Volcanic National Park with a dear friend. That helped.
The park itself is pretty neat, and quite uncrowded on weekdays. We took my friend's new-to-her RV up there for a shakedown cruise. The Lil' KitKat did well, purring along nicely.
I did some iPhone photography, and my friend snapped a few shots of me in my unnatural element of the wild...
A few of my better images...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20171008/4fd1d57b02ac7263330810c16b84e045.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20171008/be1db619aaf4c976d35afdfe453362ce.jpg)
My friend at work...
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And me trying to be Wilderness Girl, squeaking by with tinted sunblock, a little bronzer and highlighter, and basic lip gloss. You know, roughing it...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20171008/ef268b108e1f7cbeab1da29f03efc16a.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20171008/8c76c24a575d30f8a65b13e293782f64.jpg)
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Fantastic!
I have a thing for volcanoes and have tried to visit quite a few around the globe. I doubt that I shall visit many more but you never know.
As for the depression hit. Yes we are quite dependent upon our HRT and it is worth noting. I know that there is quite a discussion on going off HRT for surgery and I was highly amused that when I had my laryngectomy I warned my surgeon that I was on oestrogen.
He couldn't see any reason to go off it, after all he only (intentionally) severed my jugular and re-routed it, warned me of the danger of nipping the carotid and removed a large portion of my thigh (for a graft) next to my femoral artery and generally mucked around in my neck for half a day exploring the ins and outs of what was there.
He had never heard of any reason to go off oestrogen.
I was looking at your pic eating a lovely lunch and reading Laurie's reminisce of hiking as a scout and thinking - that is when you need a boy scout; to massage your feet while you have a nice meal and maybe a cold glass of chardonnay after a good hike.
Ahh what a lovely idea!
Cindy, we were really roughing it. That's just a mini-winnibego after all.
After the first day's hike we returned to prepare a simple campers dinner:
Heirloom tomato, basil, and ricotta salad
Roasted delicata squash, lightly seasoned
8 oz filet mignon steaks
Bogle 2015 Cabernet Sauvignon
Brownies and ice cream for dessert.
Perhaps I'll write about the mushroom Gorgonzola scramble from breakfast sometime.
This whole "roughing it" thing can be fun when properly equipped and provisioned.
[emoji75]
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Somehow, Cindy, I suspect the oestrogen risk in your procedure was in the noise.
"Doctor, you removed her HEAD to get better access to the larynx?"
Yow! Slightly invasive procedure...
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You can live quite well in a motor home and accumulated time, I have probably spent over a year in one with the longest period being several weeks. All the comforts of home except for space. Not a problem if you are careful about picking up after yourself but my roommate wasn't always. You usually found out about it when you took off down the road and a crash came from behind you when something that should have been stowed wasn't. Probable the worst was a large pie that decided to exit a refrigerator that should have been latched. Yes, it landed up side down.
I have never been much of a camping girl, but I now see that my version was missing the filets mignons, ice cream and mini-Winnie!
Michelle,
The last time that I was camping in the Lassen area it was a four day backpacking event for four of us. I remember my pack was in the forty to fifty pound range......no filet mignon or Chardonnay but every bite that we ate tasted all the better after hauling it in. Though, at my age, a motor home does sound good! Great photos by the way.
Quote from: Anne Blake on October 09, 2017, 04:01:43 PM
Michelle,
The last time that I was camping in the Lassen area it was a four day backpacking event for four of us. I remember my pack was in the forty to fifty pound range......no filet mignon or Chardonnay but every bite that we ate tasted all the better after hauling it in. Though, at my age, a motor home does sound good! Great photos by the way.
Oh dear, that sounds ever so cumbersome... [emoji6]
I've done backpacking a long time ago, and it was fun. Alas, now I seem to be more sensitive to cold and have grown accustomed to my creature comforts.
I still enjoyed the time we spent there.
I did one really fun little thing. I still packed a daypack, with some emergency basics for trail use, and my FT-60 handheld radio. That little thing worked remarkably well.
Near the Bumpass Hell Trailhead, I managed to connect to W6CX on 2 meters, the repeater system on top of Mount Diablo 181 miles south of me. Then, through the repeater, I connected to a small plane about 100 miles south of me and at the same altitude. The airborne ham and I switched to simplex (direct communications without a repeater), and we had a mountaintop to aircraft conversation using a 4 watt handheld radio with 19" whip antenna at my end!
That was a remarkable, if highly nerdy experience. My companion thought it was pretty funny, particularly that I was so happy about it! Nerds... [emoji6]
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Nerd out Michelle! Sounds like a great time and I'm glad you had a get away time before your surgery :-).
I'm also usually in the minimalist camp. My most recent big trips we're a while back, both to the Mt Conness area staying at a national forest walk-in campground. I spent 2 weeks there, 10,000' altitude, me my gear a bicycle and an 18 ft² tent, cooking on my trusty msr kerosene stove. My daughter happened to be in the same area and she and her bf joined me there for a couple of nights, she was surprised how much can be done in a single pot with wild rice, feta cheese, and tomatillos :-).
Hugs, wishing you smooth sailing.
I had my pre-op exam today. Green light!
Last therapist visit before surgery was yesterday. I spent the time mostly double checking preparations and looking for anything I had missed. Looks good to go.
Supplies are staged.
100 Chux. Check
Case of Surgilube. Check
Donut. Check
Pads. Check
Flushable wipes. check
Hydrogen Peroxide spray bottle. Check
Hand mirror. Check
A&D Ointment. Check
Reusable cold packs. Check
Bed tray. Check.
Extra Pillows. Check
Freezer full of milestone and pea soup. Check
Gavilyte prescription in. check
...
So it goes.
Chugging gavilyte starts at 8 AM next Wednesday, as does the clear liquid diet. Booooring...
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Michelle, congratulations on getting to this point, you have come so far so quickly. Good luck getting through the next few days then get ready for the glacial pace of healing. All the best to you! Tia Anne
Good luck for everything. Xxx
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Psyched for you Michelle!! Do you have someone on your support team who can post here for you post-op?
Big hugs
Off you go! "Milestone and pea soup" love that!
Hugs, Devlyn
Countdown! Best wishes.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 13, 2017, 07:16:14 AM
Off you go! "Milestone and pea soup" love that!
Hugs, Devlyn
Stupid spellcheckers... Minestrone...
Although it is a milestone...
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Milestone is much better! :)
"Waiter, milestone soup for everybody!"
Hugs, Devlyn
Congratulations and all the best of luck for a perfect outcome, Michelle. If you can earn this thing, gawd knows you qualified.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20171013/5d14c13a3b2cb97a5eac0759d912864f.jpg)
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Quote from: SadieBlake on October 13, 2017, 07:02:19 AM
Psyched for you Michelle!! Do you have someone on your support team who can post here for you post-op?
Big hugs
I think so. I'll poke a few folks.
I have a support team set up using the lotsahelpinghands.com web site, and I think the initial word will go out on that.
I'll post once I'm functional, of course. The odds are quite good that y'all will still have to put up with me, and the flood of Wiki articles I am planning. [emoji56]
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Wow, so exciting, Michelle! Congrats! You keep cracking me up with these threats to Mr Limpy!! :laugh:
Hi Michelle,
Happy to see that all is a "go" for lifting Mr Limpy and his buddies off. Have you a plan to keep your emotions in check this week so you can relax? If you find yourself in need of help during and after remember I can be there in hours. My offer still stands even if I have to cancel appointments to be there The only one that needs to be kept is on the 13th of November.
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 13, 2017, 11:30:42 AM
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Congrats for being so organised and keeping your sense of humour....with crashing E levels that can be a bit of a trial. Hope you now get a few days to relax before the big event...Mr Limpy...may you rest is pieces. ;D
Quote from: ElizabethK on October 13, 2017, 02:34:45 PM
Congrats for being so organised and keeping your sense of humour....with crashing E levels that can be a bit of a trial. Hope you now get a few days to relax before the big event...Mr Limpy...may you rest is pieces. ;D
A bit of a trial? Why, whatever could you mean? The honey badgers have reassured me that there is absolutely no physical evidence left, not a single trace of any of the bodies...
But seriously, now that I know what the cause of this nasty feeling is, and knowing it is temporary and will be gone soon makes it survivable. When I feel the blackness pressing and that sensation of unfocused anger returns, I've been using an ancient focusing chant to try and bring myself back, then dropping into mindful meditation to process this out and get back to a calm state.
It's amazing how the lack of a tiny quantity of estradiol can have such a huge effect on my mental state. Since starting HRT I've become all too aware of how running on the wrong biochemistry affected my mind all those years. I'm looking forward to exploring my state once I can stop anti androgens and am free of that major source of testosterone. This should more closely resemble a natal hormone mix for women.
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Quote from: Michelle_P on October 13, 2017, 03:21:29 PM
It's amazing how the lack of a tiny quantity of estradiol can have such a huge effect on my mental state. Since starting HRT I've become all too aware of how running on the wrong biochemistry affected my mind all those years.
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I could not have said it better...over the last few weeks as my hormone levels have dropped off and some of my GD symptoms have returned I am getting a taste of what it "used to be like". If ever I had doubts (which I don't) that HRT was right for me, this having to reduce my E levels to almost nothing have given me insight as to how well I do actually function on E rather than T...every cloud has a silver lining or so they say
Quote from: ElizabethK on October 13, 2017, 04:00:18 PM
I could not have said it better...over the last few weeks as my hormone levels have dropped off and some of my GD symptoms have returned I am getting a taste of what it "used to be like". If ever I had doubts (which I don't) that HRT was right for me, this having to reduce my E levels to almost nothing have given me insight as to how well I do actually function on E rather than T...every cloud has a silver lining or so they say
Yeah, it's one heck of a way to reassure ourselves that HRT was the right choice, though.
I'm having trouble concentrating, and am feeling pretty bummed out much of the time, and I know it's just the missing hormones, but it is still annoyingly real. I'm avoiding much interaction here because of my messed up state. I know I am very likely misinterpreting some posts, and unable to comprehend some of the longer ones (attention span of a caffeinated dude!), and with my state of mind could easily post something that could cause harm.
It's a drag not being able to trust myself because of this dysphoria and free-floating anger (I don't know what else to call it. It's a constant state of being P.O.'d.)
Ah well, just a week to go. Then, blessed unconsciousness, and when I wake my body will be a little closer to my mind.
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Quote from: Michelle_P on October 15, 2017, 12:51:23 AM
Yeah, it's one heck of a way to reassure ourselves that HRT was the right choice, though.
I'm having trouble concentrating, and am feeling pretty bummed out much of the time, and I know it's just the missing hormones, but it is still annoyingly real. I'm avoiding much interaction here because of my messed up state. I know I am very likely misinterpreting some posts, and unable to comprehend some of the longer ones (attention span of a caffeinated dude!), and with my state of mind could easily post something that could cause harm.
It's a drag not being able to trust myself because of this dysphoria and free-floating anger (I don't know what else to call it. It's a constant state of being P.O.'d.)
Ah well, just a week to go. Then, blessed unconsciousness, and when I wake my body will be a little closer to my mind.
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Thank stinking thinking can be a bugger sometimes
The thing that I am holding onto the same as you, is that is I know its going to end very soon and I will never intentionally let another Dr do this to me again with the exception of when I head for surgery.
Take care
Liz
Preps continue...
A statutory will is in place until Da Lawyer can generate the [-]boilerplate[/-] carefully hand crafted will to cover my vast estate of one used car and a one-bedroom flat full of IKEA stuff.
Beneficiary and Payable on Death documents are all filed for my investment and bank accounts. (These override any wills or trusts under the laws of my corner of the Universe.)
Advanced Care Directive is drawn up ("Please resuscitate; Prefer being alive. KTHXBAI!). Primary and alternate Medical Advisors are designated.
Emergency contact list is put together.
Copies of all of the above have been mailed out, or will be directly handed out today for everyone involved.
Supplies continue to arrive and are being staged. 100 Chux, case of Surgilube, 600 wipes, spray bottle of hydrogen peroxide and two refills, hand mirror, light and heavy pads, A&D ointment, reusable 'ice' packs. A case of toilet paper and paper towels, bottled water, coffee for 100 or so cups...
A 4 liter GaviLyte jug is here waiting to be mixed and consumed. [emoji12]
The refrigerator and freezer are being stocked.
I've been running around cleaning EVERYTHING.
I got a new mattress support for my bed. The frame uses slatted boards to support the mattress, and the manufacturer has a version in which the slats are in a frame whose head and feet can be raised or lowered, something like a chaise lounge. This should be handy in the weeks after surgery when I expect to be lying down a fair amount.
Other than that, not much is going on. I did hit a private event at a local high end thrift store last night, and scored a nice dress and top, and a good winter leather jacket in camel.
Quiet times... [emoji849]
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You should sell your GRS organiser services, like a wedding planner, but with more lube [emoji23]
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Busy busy busy I guess you will be able to relax in oh say 6 days or so..
You remind me I really should consider redoing my beneficiaries and contacts for my vast estates too now that my designated ones have disowned me. Anyone want to be considered?
lol
You do really need to relax a little more Michelle.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: meganjames2 on October 15, 2017, 09:19:59 AM
You should sell your GRS organiser services, like a wedding planner, but with more lube [emoji23]
Perfect!
Quote from: meganjames2 on October 15, 2017, 09:19:59 AM
You should sell your GRS organiser services, like a wedding planner, but with more lube [emoji23]
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Can I be your first customer? ;D
LOL! New business model? GCS Support In A Box!
Today is my last day on solid foods. I hereby grant myself freedom from long term dietary guidelines, as that all gets totally blown off by two days on a tea, jello, and clear broth diet, followed by a day snacking on an IV.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20171017/71afee33108d225a9e2d0179927d70b7.jpg)
And there goes the sugar limit! Wheeeee!
I'm going out to dinner tonight with my ex-mother-in-law (no, really!) a sweet and totally supportive 86 year old woman with a delightful Hungarian accent. Last solid meal before GCS!
Right now I'm heading to the grocery for frozen dinners and nonperishables.
Wow, soon, very soon...
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Enjoy your meal Michelle, the IV snack doesn't sound so tasty. And maybe I'll be ordering one of those boxes one day. X
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In case I don't get a chance to talk to you again before the big day, I just want to wish you good luck and a smooth journey!
Thanks!
Eeep! Kaiser just called. I'm first up for the day in my OR. I am to arrive at 5:30 AM on Friday.
T'were best done quickly!
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You got this lady. All systems are go. Order something delicious for supper tonight and something decadent for desert.
Hugs,
Laurie
Good Luck!
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 17, 2017, 01:49:12 PM
Thanks!
Eeep! Kaiser just called. I'm first up for the day in my OR. I am to arrive at 5:30 AM on Friday.
T'were best done quickly!
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. Hi Michelle 🙋 I'm so happy for you, everything is coming to plan. I might make it to group tonight, not sure if that's on your agenda tonight.
Hope to see you soon, Jessica 💁
Quote from: Laurie on October 17, 2017, 02:28:06 PM
You got this lady. All systems are go. Order something delicious for supper tonight and something decadent for desert.
Hugs,
Laurie
Silly but good meal. Spaghetti with an Italian sausage sauce, fried eggplant, fresh veggies, a good tomato rice soup, and peppermint ice cream pie for dessert.
Yes, this was off the menu in my MIL's independent living facility. They offer full table service breakfast, lunch, and dinners, in a very nice dining room. Food, service and overall atmosphere were similar to better hotel restaurants in San Francisco, except for brighter lighting.
We were joined by a retired professor of management and his friend, a retired foreign service officer for the government of Vietnam. They were a couple of interesting characters, drawn to our table because they hadn't seen the woman dining with my MIL before and were curious, and quite eager to meet me. I stood to greet them and did the usual fingertip shake ;) . Frankly, I think they were a bit taken with me. I didn't discourage them. [emoji56] At the end of the meal they wanted to know if I'd be back tomorrow. Alas, not for a month or more. Sorry, gentlemen. [emoji1]
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Thank you, Jillian!
Quote from: Jessica on October 17, 2017, 07:41:33 PM
. Hi Michelle [emoji137] I'm so happy for you, everything is coming to plan. I might make it to group tonight, not sure if that's on your agenda tonight.
Hope to see you soon, Jessica [emoji136]
Obviously by now, I didn't make it to group. Too busy teasing the retired professors... Time flies when one is having fun. I just got out of there too late to make it down to Oakland and group.
My apologies, but I'll see everyone in 5-6 weeks I think, if not sooner.
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It sounds like an enjoyable meal Michelle. Glad you did enjoy yourself.
I'll be thinking of you.
Hugs,
Laurie
Breakfast of champions!
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ewwwwwww
No thanks I'll figure out something else.
Enjoy your meal Michelle.
Hugs & joyous sympathy (joy for where you are going and sympathy for the preparations)
Laurie
Michelle although I see a Keurig next to that yummy gallon of joy, if you look closely at the instructions it is not Keurig compatible.
I wish you the best for your surgery & recovery, Michelle! Big hugs!
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 18, 2017, 10:02:07 AM
Breakfast of champions!
May the force be with you Michelle. ;D
Quote from: Kendra on October 18, 2017, 02:33:30 PM
Michelle although I see a Keurig next to that yummy gallon of joy, if you look closely at the instructions it is not Keurig compatible.
Oh, that's why I couldn't get the Keurig to close. The GaviLyte isn't compatible. Pesky hardware DRM nonsense, most likely. I bet they did that on purpose. It should be called out in the instructions, right next to "Do not operate in bathtub."
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Good luck 😊
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 18, 2017, 06:10:26 PMThe GaviLyte isn't compatible. ... It should be called out in the instructions, right next to "Do not operate in bathtub."
Note that Gavilyte
can be used in the bathtub, but is definitely not recommended.
All the best, Michelle! Congratulations, and see you on the other side.
Stephanie
Wow Michelle, tomorrow first thing!
<3 looking forward to hearing from you soon
S
Good luck hon and swift healing
Good luck tomorrow Michelle. Thinking of you.
Hugs, Jessica
Best wishes and good lock in the morning. My thoughts will be with you and wishes that all goes well.
Hugs,
Laurie
Super great wishes!!
Good luck and best wishes. X
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Hope it goes well and I hope you have minimal discomfort and quick healing :)
Good luck today, and best wishes for a speedy recovery.
Michelle,
As I look at the time I see that by now you should be in the OR physically becoming the woman that you have always been inside. My thought and prayers go out to you for a flawless operation and a speedy recovery. I'm not religious but I know you are, so I will say a prayer to that God of your for divine intervention that all goes as planned.
Hugs,
Laurie
Keeping you in my thoughts, Michelle--hope everything went well for you today! <3
Made it!
No real complications so far, and everything is properly arranged now.
I'm more than a little spacey right now, though.
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Congratulations! X
You're looking remarkable for a post-surgery snap.
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Congrats!!!! Michelle.
Ready for a visit yet? lol Don't worry I'm stuck here until at least friday. Glad everything is okay so far.
laurie
Congratulations! You're looking good.
Yay! Thought about you all day yesterday. Congratulations! [emoji323][emoji324][emoji322]
Look at that smile on your face. It's bigger than the one in your avatar and it shows just how you are feeling. I know what it's like in the hospital and should you run out of company, I am only a Skype away.
Congrats!
Yay Michelle, I'm so happy for you. Glad everything is going good.
Hugs, Jessica 🙋
Laurie, I'm always up for visitors!
I'm a little sore, and a whole bunch hungry. They'll be reintroducing food later today.
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Congrats Michelle! I remember that day waking up and feeling like 'Wow'! Hope your next few days go well!
Glad to hear!!!
Erin
Its in your eyes....I can see it....just look at that smile :D Brilliant!!!
Excellent!!!!
Love and Hugs
:D :D :D Congratulations! So good to see your beautiful, smiling face!
Yay Michelle! So happy for you, and so glad to see you in the class of '17.
Big hugs, wish I were there.
So great to see your smile!
I'm visualizing the line item on the hospital invoice.
"Everything is properly arranged now" ;)
Apologies for not wishing you a safe op ( forgot, damn dyslexic brain) well done and a speedy recovery, hope your meal was good(no hospital food!!!!) Drinking a glass of red for you.
Thanks, everyone. I'm just so happy I've reached this point.
The nursing team had me out of bed and walking up and down the hall this morning. I actually felt better after doing that.
I just tidied up my hair and brushed my teeth, feeling a bit better now.
Funny note; I have a bit of a thing about my hair. The surgeons and staff were all fine with my wearing the hairpiece through prep, surgery, and recovery.
I just freshened up a bit, no worries.
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I am happy you are doing so well Michelle.
Great see and here you feeling good. X
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This is great news to come back to..!
AMG that grin!
:icon_dance: :icon_dance:
You look great Michelle!! Huggles
Congrats Michelle, glad you are doing well :icon_chick:
Hugs
Thanks! Today marks exactly one year of living full time as my authentic self, as well as about 18 months on HRT.
Overall this has been the happiest year of my adult life.
Now, here I lay, outie changed to innie. It's been one heck of a ride.
Thank you, everyone, for your support and advice.
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So happy for you...Hope you are feeling Ok ;)
Happy 1 year full-time--what an amazing anniversary to be celebrating as you are post-op from your GCS. Truly a delight to see your smiling face and to hear that all is going well. I hope you have a restful recuperation.
Looking good Michelle ! Well done 😊
Have a great day today Michelle. Don't over do it and heal properly. The world can wait another day for your Debut.
Hugs,
Laurie
I had been bothered by nausea and cramps yesterday. I'm doing much better today, and all the IV lines are disconnected.
It turns out that my nausea was a reaction to the morphine drip, so with that gone I'm feeling much better. Everything is working and healing as it should.
I'm getting out of bed and walking, and spent some time sitting in a chair. No real problems, just healing up
The bandages, packing, and catheter will be removed in two days.
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Progress Keep making progress Michelle. Thinking of you and glad you are doing well.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on October 24, 2017, 05:12:21 PM
Progress Keep making progress Michelle. Thinking of you and glad you are doing well.
Hugs,
Laurie
Thank you, Laurie!
Today is another wait and heal day. No problems fortunately. Tomorrow the drains and packing come out, and I do 5 dilations [emoji15]
Friday I lose the catheter, and relocate to my [-]bunker[/-] apartment to continue recovery.
But first, breakfast!
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Glad to hear things are going smoothly, any breakfast brought on a tray is good one. X
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here's a breakfast tray
airline food at sea level
call button ding ding
we're all wishing for
great and fast recovery
GRS complete
bravery defined
an inspiration for all
Michelle is awesome
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 25, 2017, 10:22:55 AM
Thank you, Laurie!
Today is another wait and heal day. No problems fortunately. Tomorrow the drains and packing come out, and I do 5 dilations [emoji15]
Friday I lose the catheter, and relocate to my [-]bunker[/-] apartment to continue recovery.
But first, breakfast!
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The breakfast of Champions...It's great to hear you are getting along so well without any complications so far, all that hard work getting ready seems to be paying off for you!!...Enjoy your brekky!!!
Thanks, everyone!
Day 4
I'm continuing to improve, walking more, and healing up. Tomorrow I'll have more hardware removed, drains and packing that made sure I healed correctly the first few days. On Friday I get to go home!
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Quote from: Michelle_P on October 25, 2017, 07:46:33 PM
Thanks, everyone!
Day 4 5
I'm continuing to improve, walking more, and healing up. Tomorrow I'll have more hardware removed, drains and packing that made sure I healed correctly the first few days. On Friday I get to go home!
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They must have given you some pretty good stuff while you were recovering. I corrected your post for you. You didn't say how good the food was. What they serve down here is a great improvement over anything I have ever had in the hospital but what you are eating almost looks like it came from the deli next to the hospital.
Quote from: Dena on October 25, 2017, 08:08:54 PM
They must have given you some pretty good stuff while you were recovering. I corrected your post for you. You didn't say how good the food was. What they serve down here is a great improvement over anything I have ever had in the hospital but what you are eating almost looks like it came from the deli next to the hospital.
Yah. I can see how it can be addictive. I'm hoping I can get by without any more of this stuff once I'm home. It does block the pain, and I feel like I am thinking straight, but I definitely am not. Worse, they are insisting on my taking a higher dosage than I think I need. That's not good.
The food is deliberately on the bland side, but still quite good if hot. I miss my condiments though. Pepper sauces, herbs, etc.
One of the coolest things they did here, though, was before surgery. I have this thing about my hair, where I am not comfortable with myself when not wearing a hairpiece "prosthesis"., particularly when others are about. The pre-op team just offered me a choice of a white or blue scrub cap. Nobody has bugged me about it at all.
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Lovely to see and hear from you Michelle. You are looking great and obviously very happy.
Lots of Love from across the oceans.
Sounds like you are making steady progress...great to hear...
Glad to hear you are managing the pain so well...look forward to more updatres
The hair would have come off had the surgeon been working in the facial area but as the hair wouldn't interfere with the surgery or get blood on it, there wasn't a problem leaving it on.
As for the pain killer, they might be desirable when you first start dilating. It can be a bit sensitive down there when you start dilating but given time, it gets better. Try and get some sleep tomorrow because 5 session are going to cut into your sleep.
Yup! It's still nice to see, because some of the pre-op teams I have had before for unrelated stuff were less than trans-friendly.
I did get the drains removed, and the packing out. I did the first dilation as well. NO visible dots. [emoji7] That will likely change as the swelling goes down, but dang, that's some depth.
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Dang it sounds like you are doing pretty darned good girl
Brilliant! And gosh, is there an echo? [emoji23]
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Oh wow what a great outcome...it will nice for you to be able to start moving around...you will be running marathons before you know it!!
And... the estradiol has been restarted. The little pills, not my $40/week patch habit!
Naturally, my instinctive response was to split the dosage and take it sublingually after a quick check against the drug image library showed this one to be micronized bioidentical estradiol.
Ok, seriously, this delivery will bypass the low liver risk and will raise the serum estradiol level very quickly. The sooner I can get the estrogen receptors in my neuroendocrine system populated the happier I'll be. Literally...
I think I dropped from a 34Barely to a 34A over the past month, between no estradiol, and a week of clear liquids only diet. I'm hoping to recover that soon without any significant testosterone sources running, what with the twins moving on to their new job as microscope specimens and the prostate being cored out and shrunk.
Testosterone and DHT inhibit breast tissue growth, which is why mild anti androgens like finasteride and deutisteride used for male pattern baldness also produce man-boobs.
I'm hoping to see fast recovery and new growth beyond what I had pre-op.
What's it look like down there?
A vulva. Sketched by Picasso. Using colored pencils. [emoji79][emoji1465][emoji439]
Everything is swollen and bruised. It'll take time to recover. But, all the parts are there, and the clitoris and hood are quite sensitive.
It's all good.
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Quote from: Michelle_P on October 26, 2017, 06:38:34 PM
> What's it look like down there?
A vulva. Sketched by Picasso. Using colored pencils.
Cool! Artistry by the best.
Although I would be concerned about a Salvador Dali sketch.
Quote from: Kendra on October 26, 2017, 06:56:41 PM
Cool! Artistry by the best.
Although I would be concerned about a Salvador Dali sketch.
Persistence of Mammary?
I don't know whether I should post congrats here or on the "What made me happy today" thread, but it makes me smile to know you're doing so well, Michelle!
Steph
Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 26, 2017, 07:15:21 PM
Persistence of Mammary?
OMG, I almost coughed out my sublingual tablet and a half!
Glad to hear you're doing well, Michelle. Who knows, maybe one day I'll be so inspired. :)
Erin
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 26, 2017, 06:38:34 PM
And... the estradiol has been restarted. The little pills, not my $40/week patch habit!
..............
It's all good.
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I can hear the relief in that opening sentence...Glad to see you are feeling so good
I am home.
I am sleeping in my own bed.
I am surrounded by friends, helping me to heal.
All is well.
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Hoorah for being home Michelle! Hugs and so glad you have help and love around you <3 <3
I am very happy that your are home and have the help you need. Now be a good girl and follow doctor's orders so you can heal properly. Take it easy Michelle and let those friends care for as they have volunteered to do. It helps them to be able to help you as much as it helps you my dear.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 28, 2017, 09:02:30 AM
I am home.
I am sleeping in my own bed.
I am surrounded by friends, helping me to heal.
All is well.
Yesss ! 😊
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(Day 9 since GCS with Dr Thomas and Selim, Kaiser NorCal)
I've had a weekend of post-hospital recovery back at home. Some of my friends have taken shifts keeping an eye on me, to make sure i didn't do anything dumb or get into trouble. I've actually been off the hospital's narcotics for a while, so 'space-case' me hasn't shown up.
As far as pain management goes, I haven't needed any yet. So far the worst thing I feel since discharge is some irritation on the edges of the surgery site, something like having a rash in sensation.
Today I'll have visitors dropping by of course, but I'll be on my own much more. I think I'll do fine, though.
My mobility continues to improve, and I went for a walk in the park next door yesterday. I'll repeat that and extend it today, and may even hit the Starbucks or Panera a block from me. [emoji4]
My big nuisance complication is an indwelling catheter. It's there because of a bizarre hospital rules interaction that denied me access to my old bladder relaxation meds while in the hospital, which meant that when it was time to pee, I couldn't empty my bladder (which is why I was prescribed the meds, DUH!). The attending physician hadn't put them on my meds list so the hospital couldn't give them to me and I am not permitted pills from home thankyewverymuch...
The surgery rules say if ya can't empty the bladder, ya takes home a door prize, one Foley with day and night bags. Fun side effect is that my primary physician for my bladder issue is now the top Urology surgeon in the system. This will get fixed.
Meanwhile its a nuisance, less intrusive than 4 dilations a day. Oh, those are going OK. I'm still burying the last dot. [emoji16]
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Hi Michelle,
I am happy to see you continue to make progress and are not having any difficulties more serious than an annoyance. I do hope you are not pushing the limits on tour walks but it is good to see you are getting your exercise.
Hugs,
Laurie
Well done on things going easy,lets hope it continues and your lucky to have helping friends. Very happy for you XXX Davina
Good to hear of your progress and that the pain is under control. I understand your experience with the catheter and sometimes it can be very frustrating. I have had similar issues when meds were "forgotten" whilst being admitted leading to all sorts of issues....Such is life, I managed to find a work around much to the chagrin of the nurses.
Hope the next part of your recovery is as swift as the first part seems to have been ;)
Quote from: Laurie on October 30, 2017, 11:47:34 AM
Hi Michelle,
I am happy to see you continue to make progress and are not having any difficulties more serious than an annoyance. I do hope you are not pushing the limits on tour walks but it is good to see you are getting your exercise.
Hugs,
Laurie
Oh, I won't be doing the big walking tours until spring, so I think I'm allowing plenty of time to heal up. My big day out was 1,000 steps out, a half-hour break, and 1,000 steps back home, about 2/3 mile round trip. I won't push it any farther.
The walking tours I do are things like a 6 mile loop through San Francisco (waterfront, North Beach, Chinatown, Union Square walk-n-shop tour), and the 10 mile Ferry-to-Ferry trek from the San Francisco Ferry Building across the city, Golden Gate Bridge, and down to the Sausalito Ferry Terminal. We ride the ferry back to close the loop. I don't plan on doing those before March 2018.
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Thanks, Davina! This is a heck of a ride we are all on, isn't it? I think it is so cool that you are still out there wrenching on stuff and hitting the racetrack. The drag racing stuff is just scary awesome to me.
And, Liz, thank you. The whole medical thing is overwhelming, and I am so happy my friends are there to step up and take on aiding me. There are family things that would sound horribly familiar, and I'm just avoiding engaging in them and starting another round of nastiness. I don't need that on top of this.
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Michelle, I'm so glad everything continues to go well for you. Thank you for sharing your story. X
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Sounds like you are healing nicely! Sorry to hear about your "door prize" (there's that famous sense of humor!). Keep burying those dots, lady!
(Hugs)
So pleased that you're home, and healing well.
Rowan
And the healing continues! Swelling has gone down to the point that I can carefully sit without the donut. Things still look odd down there from the remaining swelling, but I can see hints of how the tissue will ultimately fold and lay once the swelling is gone, that is, I will have a nicely boring vulva and internals. :D
I've managed to stick to the dilation schedule pretty well, and haven't lost any depth yet. It can take several minutes to get back to where I was on each dilation.
I'm up to walking around 3,000 steps a day, 1.5 miles roughly.
I'm pretty sure I've got my estradiol levels up again, even on the halved dosage from before surgery. I am very curious to see what my levels are now, as I have started getting some very interesting mental states related to hormones. Strong romantic/sexual urges are popping up.
I found myself waltzing to a nice piano piece a little while ago. I consider that unusual behavior for me, albeit harmless and fun.
I have the oddest sensation that something is about to happen to me, like an energy slowly building up. I have no idea what it might be, other than a sense of both power and good.
For all I know, it may just mean I need to have some hormone levels tweaked, but it IS an interesting set of feelings and states of mind. (Perhaps testosterone is now up to the female normal range from the massively suppressed level spironolactone produced. After all, a few other bits of tissue generate T besides the missing twins.)
Love to hear your recovery continues in positive direction. X
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Dang Michelle you're one fast-healing woman!
So happy for you :-) all the best wishes and hugs as well.
Quote from: Laurie on October 26, 2017, 04:09:29 PM
Dang it sounds like you are doing pretty darned good girl
Àaaa[emoji55][emoji55][emoji58][emoji9][emoji9]
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Quote from: Michelle_P on October 15, 2016, 09:19:13 PM
My sense of humor seems to have deteriorated recently. I may not be thinking completely straight. There's a reason for that.
I was one of those folks who thought that they might be able to transition and keep their family together, fueled by fantasies of the spouse and I just being comfortable platonic roommates (which we were before I came out...), and perhaps shopping with my daughter ("We'll go into Forever 21 right after I check out the sale at Talbot's...")
Nope.
My spouse lives in fear of seeing me as myself, and worse, my being seen by her friends or our neighbors. I can't be myself at home, and we go through a ritual of text messages when I leave or return. This is causing her much anxiety, to the point where she asked me to leave after the holidays. Presumably I would hover around the holiday feasts like Banquo's ghost. I had posted on this a bit a week ago.
Well, the schedule has been advanced a bit. I've been asked to be out by November 1. She likes the idea of a hard deadline. We'll be doing a straightforward mediated divorce. California law is clear on how we have to proceed, so the biggest issue is who gets the coffee grinder. (I do.)
Meanwhile, besides dismantling myself at home, I now am dismantling 40 years of my life. I'm sorting through and stripping down my library, giving away tools (table saws are inappropriate in a small condo...), trying to pack away my little engineering lab, and so on. I'm also searching real estate ads and websites, making appointments to see apartments, and such. Oh, and I'm also opening new credit and checking accounts and preparing to close old ones.
You know, the usual...
I'd be numb with depression if I wasn't so damn busy. But I've got to do this. It's not enough to take me down.
"There's a moment that changes a life when
We do something that no one else can
And the path that we've taken will lead us:
One final stand."
- "I May Fall", Jeff Williams
And once I'm past this point, those good days will be my every days.
"The secret to happiness is freedom... And the secret to freedom is courage" .... You're well on the way [emoji272][emoji178][emoji272]
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Quote from: Kenzie4realz on November 05, 2017, 09:34:32 AM
"The secret to happiness is freedom... And the secret to freedom is courage" .... You're well on the way [emoji272][emoji178][emoji272]
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Yes, and the past 13 months since I started this thread have seen much of that journey. It's remarkable how much I've changed, how much more of myself is operating, exposed, and interacting with the world, than back then. I had kept so much of myself packed away and hidden while trying to pass as a male.
I'm better now. I feel better, and I think that I am a better human being for it. I don't know what the Universe has in store for me, but I suspect I'll find out soon.
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 05, 2017, 11:09:37 AM
Yes, and the past 13 months since I started this thread have seen much of that journey. It's remarkable how much I've changed, how much more of myself is operating, exposed, and interacting with the world, than back then. I had kept so much of myself packed away and hidden while trying to pass as a male.
I'm better now. I feel better, and I think that I am a better human being for it. I don't know what the Universe has in store for me, but I suspect I'll find out soon.
A little part of a song from my fav guy "Now I'm walking again to the beat of a drum
And I'm counting the steps to the door of your heart
Only shadows ahead barely clearing the roof
Get to know the feeling of liberation and release" its a pretty amazing thing when we truly find ourselves. Stay true to you [emoji272][emoji259][emoji272]
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Hi Michelle,
It is good to read about how well you are healing in body and heart. I suspect those friends you have around you help in those things a lot. Whatever it is, it is working well for you.
Quote from: Laurie on November 07, 2017, 01:15:37 PM
Hi Michelle,
It is good to read about how well you are healing in body and heart. I suspect those friends you have around you help in those things a lot. Whatever it is, it is working well for you.
Thank you, Laurie. Yes, it is working, I am sure. Having the support of others in my community was absolutely necessary to my going ahead with the surgery, and it's very reassuring to know that they are there, ready to catch me should I fall.
I think each of us has friends out there who will come to our aid, even if we haven't met them yet. I feel fortunate to have found my friends.
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Quote from: Michelle_P on November 05, 2017, 11:09:37 AM
Yes, and the past 13 months since I started this thread have seen much of that journey. It's remarkable how much I've changed, how much more of myself is operating, exposed, and interacting with the world, than back then. I had kept so much of myself packed away and hidden while trying to pass as a male.
I'm better now. I feel better, and I think that I am a better human being for it. I don't know what the Universe has in store for me, but I suspect I'll find out soon.
I very much appreciate and respect your candor, bravery and eloquent voice in our community. It's good to see good things happening to and for good people. So I'd like to say thank you for the elucidations, epiphanies and aha's! while following your thread. It's been and continues an absolutely fascinating read.
Thanks, Jessica. My experience is unusual, but then so are we all. We've all dared to question our culturally assigned roles and identities, a big, possibly dangerous taboo to violate.
I've been trying to document my journey and experience here, as well as share it with my local community of friends. This weekend it looks like I'll be sharing with the 8th grade religious education class at a local Unitarian Universalist church. (They have a... different... approach to education that I find wonderfully refreshing!). I'm part of a panel the children will interview.
Meanwhile, I'm still entertaining friends here at the apartment. I've had some great visits and chats with folks.
Just for fun, I've got the old Desert Rose tea service out. I have a full set of these Desert Rose pattern dishes, inherited from my Mom, our family's everyday dishes from the 1950s. I get to eat my Cheerios from the bowl I used when I was 5 years old. :)
When company calls, I'm serving tea, and fresh baked cookies.
I made a big batch, three pounds of oatmeal cookie dough, half with pecans and raisins, half with white chocolate chips. And another three pounds of straight chocolate chip dough is in the works. I shape these into one ounce pats, freeze them, and have fresh baked cookies on demand for my friends. I throw a few frozen pats on a cookie sheet, bake while we chat, and, well, the apartment smells wonderful and we all enjoy fresh, hot cookies with our tea.
(That ought to flush out Laurie! Bait...)
Hey, I need to gain weight. That week on clear liquids was rough!
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Wow, fresh cookies & tea--what a treat! You are ever the gracious hostess.
I know what you mean about having some childhood things around--I have the dining room table that I grew up eating at and now eat breakfast and dinner at the same place I did as a kiddo!
Wishing you continued strength and joy!
Quote from: p on November 09, 2017, 11:04:04 AM
Wow, fresh cookies & tea--what a treat! You are ever the gracious hostess.
I know what you mean about having some childhood things around--I have the dining room table that I grew up eating at and now eat breakfast and dinner at the same place I did as a kiddo!
Wishing you continued strength and joy!
Thanks! One of my friends says I'm nesting. Probably too much E, but I like it!
Meanwhile its Day 14 since "unpacking". Time to bump up from little Purple to Mr Blue. Eeep. How can a quarter inch look so big? Ah well, it fits. Last dot in the introitus. Thanks, Doc!
I had my first follow up today. No more catheter. I spray backwards. [emoji56] silly swelling! No issues. Dr Selim was happy with the healing. Slightly separated incision on the perenium was noted, not unexpected.
I'm continuing to use stool softener and fiber supplements.
Our intern minister dropped by for tea and cookies, and at the end of the visit offered up a prayer that had me in tears. Stupid estradiol...
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Michelle,
Didn't you get the memo? Tears are the order of the day. After beginning to think I couldn't cry anymore, I've wound up in tears at least 5 times today. You don't need to know the reasons why just that you're not alone in them.
I'm glad to read you are continuing to do well.
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on November 09, 2017, 09:50:39 PM
Michelle,
Didn't you get the memo? Tears are the order of the day. After beginning to think I couldn't cry anymore, I've wound up in tears at least 5 times today. You don't need to know the reasons why just that you're not alone in them.
I'm glad to read you are continuing to do well.
Laurie
I know, Laurie. I've been there. It may be upsetting, but I think being able to cry may be a good thing. Tears are our overflowing emotions.
If you do need to chat sometime, I'm here.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20171110/3e7b28d4fbff2543a91f9bd796845106.jpg)
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Michelle, you are beautiful!
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 09, 2017, 11:42:11 PM
I know, Laurie. I've been there. It may be upsetting, but I think being able to cry may be a good thing. Tears are our overflowing emotions.
I'm sorry Michelle, That was an attempt at humor. I guess it didn't work.
Quote from: Laurie on November 10, 2017, 09:32:05 AM
I'm sorry Michelle, That was an attempt at humor. I guess it didn't work.
That's OK, Laurie. I was in a weepy sort of state when I read that, and I missed the point, obviously. Stupid estrogen...
Anyway, I'm feeling better today. The step up in dilator is not giving me any problems, and I'm getting the hang of muscle control around urination, and that's working better today. (I was afraid I wouldn't be able to empty and would wind up back on that damn catheter, but I'm doing better today.)
Hmmm.... I've got the tea service out, and I can make damn good espresso, and even lattes, cappuccino, or espresso macchiatos here. I've got fresh baked cookies.
Still no Laurie stalking me. Foo.
Now what am I going to do? I've got this lovely corset, black with purple detailing, pink lining, and a little ruffle just above the garter straps. I've got all these soft scarves, and new red and black silk ropes, but no Laurie to play with.
It's ever so frustrating.
But, I am cleared to drive now. Perhaps I'll need to develop my more assertive side and make a little road trip north.
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Hi Michelle,
I am glad you are learning how to use that new plumbing. I'm sure it'll mean less cleanup. It is also good to hear you are cleared for mobilization. Those clothes of your must surely fit so much better now. I am sure with all those friends you are surrounded with you have plenty of playmates. I will make that trip south one of these days. Just be prepared to answer your phone so you can direct me into the hanger.
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on November 10, 2017, 10:46:54 AM
Hi Michelle,
I am glad you are learning how to use that new plumbing. I'm sure it'll mean less cleanup. It is also good to hear you are cleared for mobilization. Those clothes of your must surely fit so much better now. I am sure with all those friends you are surrounded with you have plenty of playmates. I will make that trip south one of these days. Just be prepared to answer your phone so you can direct me into the hanger.
Laurie
LOL!
And yes, the skinny jeans fit much better. No more... binding... issues. ;)
I'll answer the phone, and I promise to behave. Mostly...
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Going well :)
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 10, 2017, 03:53:16 PM
> And yes, the skinny jeans fit much better. No more... binding... issues. ;)
I was just thinkin about that earlier today before reading your post. How nice that must be.
Quote from: Kendra on November 10, 2017, 05:13:03 PM
I was just thinkin about that earlier today before reading your post. How nice that must be.
Heck of a reason for GCS!
Can you imagine the session?
"Doc, I feel that I really need gender confirmation surgery."
"And why is that?"
"Well, I have these really nice pants, but they don't fit right in the crotch..."
But it is true that they fit better. My pencil skirts can now be worn worry-free, and I'm looking forward to picking out a new swimsuit.
So there is that!
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Quote from: Michelle_P on November 10, 2017, 05:42:01 PM
Heck of a reason for GCS!
Can you imagine the session?
"Doc, I feel that I really need gender confirmation surgery."
"And why is that?"
"Well, I have these really nice pants, but they don't fit right in the crotch..."
But it is true that they fit better. My pencil skirts can now be worn worry-free, and I'm looking forward to picking out a new swimsuit.
So there is that!
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It sounds like damn good reasons to me.
I'm trying to come to grips with the Unwritten Rules in local lesbian culture. It's given me some insight into why older trans women who identify as lesbian don't seem to date.
There is a certain amount of transphobia out there, some fairly obvious, and some buried deep. Lesbian culture has unavoidably picked some of this up.
As an older woman, femme lesbian, and transgender person, I'd have absolutely no interest in associating with a transphobic woman. I'm so not interested in seeking out even more abuse and marginalization in my life.
At the same time, I understand the attitude prevailing in the older lesbian community regarding transgender persons.
There are a LOT of different sorts of trans women out there. Some make little effort in improving their mentality, some really have been soaking in male privilege and haven't shed poor attitudes. These folks aren't all that great company.
On the other hand, there are women who are the kindest, gentle souls, but because they have that trans history, they get dropped from any consideration and at best are relegated to the 'friend box'. This is a Not Great place to be.
Statistically, going through the raw YouGOV survey data, it looks like among lesbian cisgender women over 55, that 0% are very likely or likely to consider a transgender woman for a romantic relationship. This matches my real world observation that older transgender women identifying as lesbian are paired off with other transgender women.
I had a nice conversation last night with a woman leading a local meetup group that prides itself on being open and transgender friendly. The leader mentioned that I'd be welcome there, and that there were other transgender women and even two gay guys in their group, and made a point that one of the transgender women was not currently paired off.
Again, there's that assumption that trans lesbians should only consider other trans women.
Knowing the statistics for finding someone really compatible with me, and the size of the over-55 dating pool of transgender lesbians, I can readily conclude that I'll be dining on the "table for one" plan the rest of my life, and should probably consider getting a dozen or two cats.
I can't see myself diving into the dating scene for an endless stream of rejections punctuated with the occasional crazy person.
As a trans woman, I've come to understand the unwritten rules. I'll live my authentic life. I'll do it alone, punctuated by lots of white nights, but I'll still be happier than when I had to bury my very existence.
It's just the unwritten rules of a transphobic culture. I'm in the "not wanted" column, and that's how it is.
Future generations may have it better, and may actually realize that "love is love", unqualified and uncategorized.
I hope so.
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Quote from: Michelle_P on November 13, 2017, 07:50:01 AM
Knowing the statistics for finding someone really compatible with me, and the size of the over-55 dating pool of transgender lesbians, I can readily conclude that I'll be dining on the "table for one" plan the rest of my life, and should probably consider getting a dozen or two cats.
I can't see myself diving into the dating scene for an endless stream of rejections punctuated with the occasional crazy person.
As a trans woman, I've come to understand the unwritten rules. I'll live my authentic life. I'll do it alone, punctuated by lots of white nights, but I'll still be happier than when I had to bury my very existence.
It's just the unwritten rules of a transphobic culture. I'm in the "not wanted" column, and that's how it is.
Future generations may have it better, and may actually realize that "love is love", unqualified and uncategorized.
I hope so.
Michelle,
You have really surprised me with the lines above. I suspect you are not feeling up to par because they sound like something I would write and that is not the indomitable Michelle I have come to know and admire. Though you end it with "I hope so" I am not feeling it from the words above.
So my girlfriend bake your cookies serve your tea and entertain those you meet and eventually you'll find your partner.
Laurie
I'm surprised, too. Michelle, you're immersed in the biggest pool of over 55 transgender lesbians to ever pool into a pool. You're swimming in potential mates. Except Laurie, she's mine, and off limits. ;) But I don't see why you would have an issue meeting acceptable candidates.
Hugs, Devlyn
I hear what you are saying, but I hope that you're wrong, Michelle! I have a feeling that someone is going to pick up on your kindness, intelligence and joie de vivre and snatch you right out of that little dating pool. Big hugs!
Keep your mind and heart open, Michelle. Mathematical probability be damned. You must be a hopeful person, right? Otherwise the likelihood of you being where you're at right now would be an absolute unequivocal impossibility. Life happens, girl. Don't close no doors.
Your first error is trusting British (yougov) statistics which along with our invasion tunnel, are just part of our plan to divide and conquer [emoji16]
You're a treasure. But love isn't about statistics, it may be the only thing in the universe that isn't.
It can and does come when least expected, and can't be forced. It'll find you, just stay away from the cat rehoming centre [emoji6]
X
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Michelle, your experience doesn't surprise and yet I'm thinking you will be finding the woman you're looking for. I think your target age demographic may be more problematic -- first there are a lot of first-wave feminists in that AG and also a lot of older lesbians simply aren't interested in sex. Also, how long have you been in that community? I've been known as a trans female locally for a couple of decades and acceptance took time.
The trans women I know personally in our AG are all single and pansexual fwiw, none of them particularly pair off with other trans people.
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 13, 2017, 07:50:01 AM
I'm trying to come to grips with the Unwritten Rules in local lesbian culture. It's given me some insight into why older trans women who identify as lesbian don't seem to date.
There is a certain amount of transphobia out there, some fairly obvious, and some buried deep. Lesbian culture has unavoidably picked some of this up.
As an older woman, femme lesbian, and transgender person, I'd have absolutely no interest in associating with a transphobic woman. I'm so not interested in seeking out even more abuse and marginalization in my life.
At the same time, I understand the attitude prevailing in the older lesbian community regarding transgender persons.
There are a LOT of different sorts of trans women out there. Some make little effort in improving their mentality, some really have been soaking in male privilege and haven't shed poor attitudes. These folks aren't all that great company.
On the other hand, there are women who are the kindest, gentle souls, but because they have that trans history, they get dropped from any consideration and at best are relegated to the 'friend box'. This is a Not Great place to be.
Statistically, going through the raw YouGOV survey data, it looks like among lesbian cisgender women over 55, that 0% are very likely or likely to consider a transgender woman for a romantic relationship. This matches my real world observation that older transgender women identifying as lesbian are paired off with other transgender women.
I had a nice conversation last night with a woman leading a local meetup group that prides itself on being open and transgender friendly. The leader mentioned that I'd be welcome there, and that there were other transgender women and even two gay guys in their group, and made a point that one of the transgender women was not currently paired off.
Again, there's that assumption that trans lesbians should only consider other trans women.
Knowing the statistics for finding someone really compatible with me, and the size of the over-55 dating pool of transgender lesbians, I can readily conclude that I'll be dining on the "table for one" plan the rest of my life, and should probably consider getting a dozen or two cats.
I can't see myself diving into the dating scene for an endless stream of rejections punctuated with the occasional crazy person.
As a trans woman, I've come to understand the unwritten rules. I'll live my authentic life. I'll do it alone, punctuated by lots of white nights, but I'll still be happier than when I had to bury my very existence.
It's just the unwritten rules of a transphobic culture. I'm in the "not wanted" column, and that's how it is.
Future generations may have it better, and may actually realize that "love is love", unqualified and uncategorized.
I hope so.
Well said Michelle that gives a very interesting insight to the future .....personally i've gone the two cats ....good value ....i gave up on relationships a long time ago and find im quite happy
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Well said Michelle that gives a very interesting insight to the future .....personally i've gone the two cats ....good value ....i gave up on relationships a long time ago and find im quite happy
Quote from: markie on November 13, 2017, 07:54:16 PM
Well said Michelle that gives a very interesting insight to the future .....personally i've gone the two cats ....good value ....i gave up on relationships a long time ago and find im quite happy
Some of this may be specific to the San Francisco Bay Area. There are still quite a few of the early exclusionary feminists in the region in positions of influence.
The brilliant feminist and queer theorist Julia Serano lives about 10 miles from me and has encountered a good bit of this. She's written about it in a number of places, including this early article from 2010.
https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-struggle-to-find-trans-love-in-san-francisco (https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-struggle-to-find-trans-love-in-san-francisco)
Her book from 2013, "Excluded: Making Feminist and Queer Movements More Inclusive" deconstructs much of the various bits of exclusionary politics and points up the flaws in exclusionary feminist theory.
I recommend her books "Excluded" or "Whipping Girl" as great introductions to her work on intersectionality and social justice issues.
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Very good read michelle 😊
I had a rough day yesterday. The damn post-op depression was hitting, lots of 'zaps' from healing tissues and reconnecting nerves, so I was sort of edgy.
Then, someone I loved and cared for decided I needed some some constructive criticism regarding what they perceived as my being self-centered, emotionally distant, and not interested in their life. They last saw me a week out of surgery, in pretty poor shape, in a tiny apartment full of medical and self-care supplies, with a social worker friend there helping me and talking to them.
How dare I make my surgical recovery and attempts to follow the complex care regimen all about me and not them!
They thoughtfully decided to conduct their critique via a stream of text messages. Texting, in my humble opinion, may very well be the worst possible way to discuss complex emotional issues.
They don't see my tears via text.
They don't see my hands shaking via text.
They don't see the suicidal thoughts resurfacing in the midst of this damnable post-op depression in their texts.
This stinks, to put it mildly. To have someone be so horribly abusive, even as they deny it and claim to be 'helping' in their texts is just really, really unpleasant. Triggering, even. There were dangerously unpleasant thoughts as these texts tore into me about what a terrible person I am and how I failed them, while I was standing on a balcony looking down at the concrete walk. That would suffice.
I shook my head, got off the balcony, closed the door and drew the shades. No. Not again. Never again.
I spent the evening with an excellent doctor, and a group therapy session that focused on issues with family and others close to us prior to transition.
I got some very good advice. The doctor strongly recommends that I do not make physical contact with this person, and particularly should not let them into my home. I don't see the risk she does, but I may be too close to the problem.
I finished up the evening with a couple of great folks from the group session, including a rather wise professor of feminist studies, sharing pizza and ideas.
I'm doing much better today. It's rainy and overcast, the right weather for boots, sweaters, and umbrellas. Calm and quiet, even light from the overcast sky, and I'm seeing friends in a little while.
The depression will be gone in a few weeks, I hope, as the long term side effects from surgical shock, 7 hours under propofol, and a few days on a morphine drip slowly fade. Damn, the things we do to ourselves for a little relief from dysphora!
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Michelle,
I'm so sorry for this unpleasant text encounter with this person. That should not have happened and I suspect other issues they may have may have caused this outburst in your direction. I'm sure it was unpleasant for you but I am more concern with where it took you. Such feeling and thoughts are horrible to have. Being depressed is hard enough without it being reenforced by others. It is good that you have people there surrounding you to help you through these rough spots. You do not need such negativity at this time in your recovery. It is another reason for me to keep my distance. I only wish you good things Michelle. Be yourself and use those resources around you to heal and recover in peace.
Michelle, I'm sorry you're feeling down. I'm sorry I missed group last night, (I didn't want to spread a cold), I've been thinking of you, hoping everything is going well. I'm sure you will meet the girl of your dreams. Please know many here love you and we all want you to succeed.
Hugs and love, Jessica 👩⚖️
Just a reminder you're human dear. The weeks post surgery are tough. And certainly you didn't need a misguided friend butting in :-/
I'd block them from phone and email, immediately and permanently. Same as any other spammer.
Your future is great and too precious to waste with people who destroy. Spend time with your good friends.
No one deserves that kind of treatment, especially such a wonderful soul as yours at a moment like this. I can only echo the others, damaging people should be removed from your life, don't let them take any more of your precious energy. X
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Thanks. I won't be interacting with that person for a while, if ever. They are in therapy but I don't think they are being honest with the therapist. I was supposed to go to a session with them next week, and this started with them telling me that was off. Afraid of something and pushing me away.
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Its a horrible when something happens that sends you all the way to a place you thought you had left a long way behind, it would seem this person really hit you below the belt. What kind of person does that to someone recovering my major surgery? No someone who cares about you.
I am glad you are feeling better today and hope over the next few days you will start feeling even better. I have been hearing more about this post OP depression, I hope for your sake it lifts soon. Taking care of yourself at the moment seems like the smartest thing to do...Glad to hear your recovery is going well.
Thanks, Liz. I had this same response after my last cancer surgery (melanoma) when they whacked me with propofol. The same stuff was used on me this time, plus other goodies, for about 7 hours. Then a few days with a low morphine drip, and a Percocet >-bleeped-<.
I got off the stuff ASAP, but I've been expecting this. It hit just under 4 weeks, like last time, and I suspect it'll be flushed out within a month. Depression is sneaky stuff though. Hard to prepare for.
I'm so glad I've got my friends. They really are helping me.
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I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling with depression. Keep those friends close! Big hugs, Michelle :-*
Good old Scientific American has an older article on some of the weird things general anesthesia can do to us:
QuoteAlthough anesthetic drugs have been around since 1846, many questions remain as to how exactly they work. To date, the strongest evidence suggests that the drugs are effective in part because they bind to and incapacitate several different proteins on the surface of neurons that are essential for regulating sleep, attention, learning and memory. In addition, it seems that interrupting the usual activity of neurons may disrupt communication between far-flung regions of the brain, which somehow triggers unconsciousness.
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/hidden-dangers-of-going-under/ (https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/hidden-dangers-of-going-under/)
There's likely a bit of "pump head", the fuzziness and recall problems associated with general anesthesia, in play in my head as well. This should also dissipate over time.
While I am having these problems, in all honesty they are minor, although they do affect my thinking.
I am very pleased with my surgical outcome, the lack of significant pain, and the feeling of finally being complete, myself! And of course, how skinny jeans and pencil skirts fit now!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20171116/eff5ac4abc265e5d355fc505a595a594.jpg)
I'm recovering well, easily hitting my 5,000 steps/day limit, dilations still at full depth (although temporarily getting harder, as the bits of fibrous scar tissue on the "seams" try to contract on weeks 4-6), and am very active within my limits.
Far more to be happy about in my life than sad! (Stupid depression. Go away, already. You lose, I win.)
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I look forward to reading that article, Michelle. You look so lovely in your leggings! Glad to see that you are keeping perspective and a positive attitude. :)
Hi Michelle,
I saw your latest culinary offerings and they do indeed look good, but better yet is the statement you made about being happy. I hope that happiness lasts a long long time.
Hugs,
Laurie
Looking fab Michelle, and doing excellent, which is lovely to hear. That baking looks truly truly scrumptious!
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Quote from: Megan. on November 18, 2017, 12:45:40 PM
Looking fab Michelle, and doing excellent, which is lovely to hear. That baking looks truly truly scrumptious!
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Thanks, Megan.
Although
fab? I don't think I qualify until I at least look as good as Diana Rigg at my age did, or even better, how she looked in the late 60s! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
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Avenger quality. Wow Michelle that is an awful high bar. Diana Rigg had a body I drooled over. I doubt many here would even know of her. Seven of Nine might be the younger set's body idol.
Hugs,
Laurie
Michelle you do indeed look fab, absolutely.
Diana Rigg - heck yeah. I craved everything about her when The Avengers was on early re-runs in the early 1970s.
Old enough to see it the first time around and I wanted to look that good in a cat suit and seven of nine, now Michelle in a cat suit YES
Quote from: davina61 on November 19, 2017, 05:08:18 PM
Old enough to see it the first time around and I wanted to look that good in a cat suit and seven of nine, now Michelle in a cat suit YES
Oh my gosh! Emma Peel and Agent 99. I was so envious...
We held a Transgender Day of Remembrance ceremony during both the service at our Unitarian Universalist church today. The short ceremony noted both the significance of the Transgender Pride flag, and the increasing number of murders of transgender persons, particularly transgender women of color.
We're just people, human beings trying to live our lives in peace as our authentic selves. For the offense of existing, others murder us in ever-increasing numbers.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=z-1Icz29_jU
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Way to go michelle....😊
Quote from: markie on November 23, 2017, 09:33:07 AM
Way to go michelle....😊
Thanks, Markie. (Just noticed the avatar. Rocking the Industrial Goth look, there! 👌 )
My best friend, Nancy, and I probably sunk 40-50 hours into that thing, from scripting, getting the 10 foot Trans Pride runner together, finding balloons that met everyone's standards, to rounding up enough aisle walkers to cover both services. Nancy deserves credit for driving, and Carol Sue for her video work in turning this out quickly.
On Monday Nov 20, I did another TDoR ceremony, this one at Todos Santos plaza in Concord, CA. We had about 50 people there, and about 20 at a follow up reception. The ceremony was hosted by Rainbow Community Center in Concord and Mt. Diablo Unitarian Universalist Church. I did a 5 minute speech at this one relating the TDoR, trans community, and faith-based communities. It was really a call to action for the coming year. That was followed by press interviews.
The NBC Online stringer, Gillian, did a great job covering the service. The singing and shots are beautiful. Then I show up. Ms. Sound Bite...
https://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/local/I-Know-Who-I-Am-Transgender-Advocates-Memorialize-Lost-Lives-in-Concord-459121683.html
(https://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/local/I-Know-Who-I-Am-Transgender-Advocates-Memorialize-Lost-Lives-in-Concord-459121683.html)
We're working on forming a social LGBTQ group for the county, based out of our church as a safe place (no preaching! Just food and fun!). Kickoff for that is Dec. 2. That gets followed by more educational presentations like my "Gender: Beyond the Binary" talk (On YouTube, search for "MDUUC gender").
I had a lovely Thanksgiving with friends. A local couple I am friends with had recently moved to a new home, and invited me to join some other friends at Thanksgiving there.
It was a wonderful experience sharing the meal, what we are thankful for, and just having fun with a couple rounds of Alias and Cranium.
There were some interesting and more personal impacts there as well. One couple Included a man who had transitioned several years ago, causing the couple to be ostracized by our local lesbian community. My own transition left me ostracized from my family, not welcome at holiday events.
My friends were happy to welcome all of us into their home. When I left, one of them walked me out to my car, briefly mentioned the other couple's situation, and then asked me to come back next year, and said "Welcome to our family."
I spent a few minutes crying in the car before I drove home. Stupid estrogen.
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Blessed estrogen?
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 24, 2017, 01:07:11 AM
> When I left, one of them walked me out to my car, briefly mentioned the other couple's situation, and then asked me to come back next year, and said "Welcome to our family."
Absolutely precious.
I heard from my son, finally. He's just a typical dude most ways, has trouble communicating. He was in the area visiting my ex and the extended family for Thanksgiving. He called yesterday. Now he's with me, snoring in the next room. [emoji4]
Yay! We went to see a movie last night that he wanted to see (Thor: Ragnarok - stuff gets blowed up real good) then hit a really good burgers and bar place.
We came back to my apartment and baked cookies for dessert. [emoji56]
We'll hang out today until I take him to the airport later.
Nice surprise to end the week. [emoji56]
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That was a great surprise Michelle. I'm glad he came to spend time with you and have cookies and milk. Just don't use up all the chocolate chip cookie dough.
Hugs,
Laurie
There is not one bit of that sounds bad, brilliant in fact, happy for you. X
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Quote from: Laurie on November 25, 2017, 09:55:02 AM
That was a great surprise Michelle. I'm glad he came to spend time with you and have cookies and milk. Just don't use up all the chocolate chip cookie dough.
Hugs,
Laurie
Oops...
I'll make more !
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Quote from: Michelle_P on November 25, 2017, 03:24:22 PM
Oops...
I'll make more !
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So there's no hurry for me to head south.
I hope you are taking some time to smell the roses Lady.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on November 25, 2017, 04:56:21 PM
So there's no hurry for me to head south.
I hope you are taking some time to smell the roses Lady.
Hugs,
Laurie
Yeah. I won't have another six pound batch of cookie dough ready until tomorrow afternoon.
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Wow, your Thanksgiving sounds really lovely--what a nice couple who hosted you and welcomed you to the family! So glad to hear you got to have a visit with your son as well. Big hugs!
Thanks ...you did a stellar job Ms sound bite 😆
"
The NBC Online stringer, Gillian, did a great job covering the service. The singing and shots are beautiful. Then I show up. Ms. Sound Bite... "
I'm dealing with some rough stuff. Really rough. Medical care issues, and a nasty catch-22. No details until I get the arbitration and litigation lined up, but I am not a happy camper. Nothing to do with my recent GCS, which I am happy about.
Throw this on top of the (slowly fading) post op depression and my head keeps going to pretty grimdark places. I keep having thoughts of detransitioning, that I'll never be right. I know this is nonsense, but this is the sort of rubbish that depression and external forces are inducing.
I'll get through this somehow. I suppose the good news is that I think that if necessary I can turn this to have a significant impact for others. You'll know when I do this, of course.
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 01, 2017, 10:08:41 AM
I'm dealing with some rough stuff. Really rough. Medical care issues, and a nasty catch-22. No details until I get the arbitration and litigation lined up, but I am not a happy camper. Nothing to do with my recent GCS, which I am happy about.
Throw this on top of the (slowly fading) post op depression and my head keeps going to pretty grimdark places. I keep having thoughts of detransitioning, that I'll never be right. I know this is nonsense, but this is the sort of rubbish that depression and external forces are inducing.
I'll get through this somehow. I suppose the good news is that I think that if necessary I can turn this to have a significant impact for others. You'll know when I do this, of course.
Wow Michelle, I'm so sorry to hear that. I totally can empathize and understand the op-depression and the thoughts of detransitioning. It's like when you are down, depression kicks you down even further but you're already at a point in your transition that many would kill for.
I hope you are feeling better as the day goes on. I find the best way to stave off depression is by keeping myself busy.
Michelle,
I'll be rooting for you winning on all counts in the concerns your let us know about here and those you haven't told us about. Being depressed sucks. Want some of my new pills? Just kidding they tell me I need them for myself.
Hang in there Michelle, you're one of my role models.
Hugs,
Laurie
Oh, wow, Michelle, sorry to hear that things aren't good at the moment. Hang in there. If anyone can get through this, you can. You are an inspiration to a lot of us.
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 01, 2017, 10:08:41 AM
I'm dealing with some rough stuff. Really rough. Medical care issues, and a nasty catch-22. No details until I get the arbitration and litigation lined up, but I am not a happy camper. Nothing to do with my recent GCS, which I am happy about.
Throw this on top of the (slowly fading) post op depression and my head keeps going to pretty grimdark places. I keep having thoughts of detransitioning, that I'll never be right. I know this is nonsense, but this is the sort of rubbish that depression and external forces are inducing.
I'll get through this somehow. I suppose the good news is that I think that if necessary I can turn this to have a significant impact for others. You'll know when I do this, of course.
Oh no, sry to hear the camping is not happy [emoji853].
I'm glad the post-op downer is fading, but if you need to dump please PM me. Big hugs! X
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There's a song I ran across a while back.
"I may fall", Jeff Williams with Casy Lee Williams
Quote
...
There's a moment we'll make a decision
Not to cower and crash on the ground
The moment we face our worst demons
Our courage found
When we stand with friends
And we won't retreat
As we stare down death
Then the taste is sweet
<chorus>
I may fall
But not like this: it won't be by your hand
I may fall
Not this place; not today
I may fall
Bring it all, it's not enough to take me down
I may fall
I like this sentiment.
Some days bring nicer things. My older daughter and her SO are in town, for a sort of Thanksgiving/Christmas visit. They're staying with my ex at the old house, which has plenty of guest room space.
They both came over to see me, and we all went out to dinner at an old Italian place. Lots of good conversation, good food, a great shared experience.
Well I bet that brightened your day some. And you can't beat good Italian food.
Hugs,
Laurie
I am sorry to hear about your lingering post-op depression and the medical issues you are facing. I know that everyone can get depressed, but I think we trans folks have lots of especially dark places we can go w/r/t our transition, appearance, identity and presentation that does not present quite as much of a minefield for our cis friends. I hope that if it comes to litigation that it can at least have a positive impact for others as you suggested--even facing personal challengers, you always seem so thoughtful and community-oriented. Visit with your daughter sounds lovely. Sending big hugs!! :-*
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 01, 2017, 10:08:41 AM
I'm dealing with some rough stuff. Really rough.
Sorry to hear that ....it will pass just hang in there
The post-op depression seems to be fading away, thank goodness. I'm feeling better, doing some baking again, and planning some special activities for single friends on Christmas Day.
Medically, the recovery seems to be going OK. I had a yeast infection around the surgical incisions on the labia, getting red and irritated, but an over the counter antifungal seems to have knocked that down. I just stepped up to the #3 dilator on my last dilation today. Hello, Mr. Green! Woof!
So much to be glad for. And your updated avatar is great!
Woof woof! Haha :-)
Glad post op depression is receding all round.
Great to hear......thats a really good pic of you 😊
Glad you are feeling better. You're one busy woman and will be occupied for some time yet. Someday you'll be out and about gallivanting around on frivolous escapades again and wanting visitors to show all your usual haunts to. Someday.
Quote from: Laurie on December 07, 2017, 10:03:54 PM
Glad you are feeling better. You're one busy woman and will be occupied for some time yet. Someday you'll be out and about gallivanting around on frivolous escapades again and wanting visitors to show all your usual haunts to. Someday.
Got that right! Second surgery followup next week, waiting now for another skin biopsy result, meanwhile doing topical chemo (Aldera) on a couple of sites.
Meanwhile, the condo purchase is on track, and should close on the 29th. Happy New Year! My mother-in-law (ex) has her old place sold and is enjoying her new apartment.
I'm planning Christmas Day with friends who are also cut off from bio-family. Hike, dinner, and a ritual of friendship and sisterhood!
On the way right now to a class on FFS needed before I could have surgery. My HMO has agreed to inform me now as to whether they might cover my FFS procedures deemed medically necessary once I am on their Medicare Advantage plan.
Then there are Christmas parties, electrolysis, shopping, etc to do.
Busy, busy...
Oh, my swelling continues to go down. I can get into my small DKNY skinny jeans, no problem. (I wouldn't mind being "forced" to move to a size 6 or 8 due to hip size. *sigh*). Still dilating with the #2 dilator to start then switching to #3. I'll try just #3 in a few more days, when things loosen up a bit. No depth loss yet, which I'm happy about.
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Happy things are going good Michelle.
Hugs, Jessica
yep You're booked through to the new year. Glad to see you are doing better and getting back into your usual hectic lifestyle.
Hugs,
Laurie
Idle early-morning thoughts...
I haven't thought about my high school in a long, long time. It was mostly an unpleasant experience for me, but it managed to surface in my brain in the early morning hours.
I searched for the school, Class of 1971. Huh, they have a Facebook page. There was a 40th anniversary reunion with pictures there. Wow. The jocks were potbellied old bald guys. My primary abuser was dead. Canes, some folks on oxygen, and other obvious things gone wrong. And this was 6 years ago!
Suddenly I feel very fortunate that my little gender identity issue is all I've had to deal with.
Evil thoughts:
1) Should I update my alumni information? Picture and all? That would make me the oldest woman alumni! (The school moved from all male to co-ed a few years after my time there.). It would be interesting to see how their religious management responds.
2) The 50th reunion will be two years after my FFS and facelift are done. If I can hold myself together, should I go? Gosh, I'd hate to be responsible for heart attacks and apoplexy in this crowd... >:-)
Yes, and yes!
Quote from: Kendra on December 09, 2017, 10:58:20 AM
Yes, and yes!
Agree 100%. X
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Quote from: Kendra on December 09, 2017, 10:58:20 AM
Yes, and yes!
Two thumbs up!
I went through pilot training four years before the official "first" woman pilot in the Canadian Air Force. I am expecting an interesting discussion if someone on the relevant Facebook page asks me my course dates. I'd never try to claim the title from the official first woman pilot, but still, it will be interesting.
If my high school class holds a 50th reunion in 5 years, it would be fun to go and see the reactions. Too bad it's clear across the country.
I got a kick out of your reunion musings. I graduated a year ahead of you in 1970. Going to my reunion would be a waste of time as I only went to that school my senior year and most of that was for half a day due to a business class work/education program. I didn't learn much about business but did like earning money being a gofer at the local newspaper.
The school I consider my high school was Radford High School in Hawaii, because I spend 3 years there. But of course I didn't graduate from there. Had we not been transferred by the Navy I would have failed my junior year and graduated in 71. The move and different requirements in Rhode Island enabled me to retake the year of history I intentional failed and pass with a B- and graduate in the year I should have.
Radford also has a website and I've had those same mischievous thoughts as you Michelle.
It is fun think of the gasps that such doings would cause.
Hugs,
Laurie
1. Absolutely!
2. Indubitably!
Class of '71! We're the Ones! That was my year as well. Your story made me think of high school and how I just tried to disappear. Especially in PE! Yuck!
No, leave the past in the past where it belongs. There is no need to reconnect with people with whom you've had no contact for decades, who only knew you as a man. Why would you do that? To show off? You're better than that. Your inner confidence is enough. And do you really want to deal with the inevitable misgendering from old classmates? It's not worth it.
Focus on the future as your true female self, and keep the old man where he belongs - in the past.
And I will split the difference.
Yes, update your information. All of it including if possible your new name and gender status. Do not make it easy to find you if there are possible weirdos.
No do not go to the reunion. It does not appear that you have had much contact with them in 50 years. No suggestions of having contact with old HS friends. Honestly to me they have forgotten you, as you probably have forgotten most of them. I graduated (1973) in a class of 500. I left town promptly (US Navy), left them behind. I ,for family reasons, came back and have some contact with my class on FB, but daily I go "Waa, who is that?", or Damn they are old" due to their postings or pics. Few I consider friends and I have been around to bond but have not. So my perception that your going to the reunion, Michelle, while it may be entertaining, I think you will walk away saying wont do that again.
Update for your own satisfaction and let the rest go. You are the new you with a new growing, enjoyable life to live. They are their same ole, same ole.
Realistically, while it's fun to think about pointy little heads exploding, the dead past can remain dead. I've had no contact with these people since high school, and, with this being a religious high school for a creed that denies our reality, the sort of people who would make it to a 50th reunion are not likely to be accepting of me.
I'm not going to bother to update contact info or attend their reunions. The conversations wouldn't be that great anyway. "Hi, oh, is this your wife? Great to meet you. Did he ever tell you about when he gang-raped me?" Yeah. Not happening.
Nothing good would come of it.
I think we all knew that you would take the high road Michelle.
Hugs,
Laurie
Class of 1980, my 40th reunion is coming up in a few years. A friend of mine attended their 50th reunion. He said the talk was all about "Have you had your first heart attack yet?" and of course, the departed. :'(
He also said they make you wear your yearbook picture on your name tag........and I said "Well, that puts the kibosh on me attending a class reunion. That would make it too easy for everyone to call me Mike all night, and I'd end up leaving."
Just my thoughts.
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 10, 2017, 09:21:23 AM
He also said they make you wear your yearbook picture on your name tag........and I said "Well, that puts the kibosh on me attending a class reunion. That would make it too easy for everyone to call me Mike all night, and I'd end up leaving."
Yup. In my case it would wind up being me, with a bunch of old pharts, providing them with someone to misgender and insult. Not Worth It. From the photos they looked pretty much unhappy and ready to die (seriously; not a smile among them, mobility problems everywhere. I've never seen such a bunch of out of shape 60 year olds.).
Not my sort of crowd. Not a single hot older lesbian in the place... >:-)
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 10, 2017, 09:21:23 AM
Class of 1980,
Hugs, Devlyn
Class of 1980? Damned children. :P
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 10, 2017, 09:52:56 AM
I've never seen such a bunch of out of shape 60 year olds
Old misogynist riddle..... Why do Men die before their wives? .................................................................................
Wait for it!!........................................................................Because they want to! ::)
Quote from: Jessica Lynne on December 10, 2017, 11:51:34 AM
Class of 1980? Damned children. [emoji14]
You got that right Jessica
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Quote from: Laurie on December 10, 2017, 02:20:35 PM
Quote from: Jessica Lynne on December 10, 2017, 11:51:34 AM
Class of 1980? Damned children. [emoji14]
You got that right Jessica
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Hey, I get all the AARP mail! :laugh:
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 10, 2017, 09:21:23 AM
Class of 1980, my 40th reunion is coming up in a few years. A friend of mine attended their 50th reunion. He said the talk was all about "Have you had your first heart attack yet?" and of course, the departed. :'(
He also said they make you wear your yearbook picture on your name tag........and I said "Well, that puts the kibosh on me attending a class reunion. That would make it too easy for everyone to call me Mike all night, and I'd end up leaving."
Just my thoughts.
Hugs, Devlyn
I graduated in 1980 also, but other than passing my classes for the sake of graduating I was totally uninvolved
Couldn't phantom the idea of wearing a high school picture on a name badge either, think I even ditched on picture day
I like your new avatar pic. Michelle, looks really good
Class of 70 here. Recently they held the 45th reunion and I considered going. The problem was my class was relatively large and I only knew a few people in the entire class. When I saw who was attending and more important, who wasn't, I decided I wouldn't know anybody there so I didn't attend. Yesterday I took a glance at the reunion pictures and I saw a woman being hugged by a much larger woman. Maybe I would have had somebody to talk to after all.
I had my 8 week GCS post-op checkup today. Everything is healing nicely. There's a bit of asymmetric swelling, not unexpected at this point. That also has the clitoral hood skewed, which in turn leaves some sensitive tissue a bit... exposed. If needed that can be fixed as an outpatient revision. We'll see in three months, when I get rechecked.
There are still some signs of that pesky yeast infection. I'll be hitting it with miconazole for a few more days. If needed, I can get that anti fungal tablet, but the topical treatment is preferred and has fewer side effects.
I'm feeling pretty good, and easily hit 11,400 steps (4.8 miles) today, wandering around San Francisco.
I'm dilating with the large green tool now, no problems besides discomfort with that big chunk of plastic pressed into me for 15 minutes. Still getting the 5th dot at the introitus. Oof...
GCS has been a pretty good experience for me, and of course I love the overall result.
So glad that you are doing well despite some setbacks--certainly not short on exercise! Hope everything continues to go well for you, Michelle.
This all sounds great, keep on trucking hun, you're doing fab. X
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Good morning Michelle,
And so far it is a good morning for myself too. Thanks for the 8 week update. It sounds as though you are getting right back into the groove again. I hope you don't expect this old lady to keep up with you on those treks when I do make it out my bedroom door and head south. It will take me some time to work up to those distances and in this chilly weather that's only going to get colder that isn't likely.
Glad to hear you are doing well.
Hugs,
Laurie
Great to hear everything is healing and you are feeling well. Hopefully things will continue on there positive course.
I had my weekly electrolysis session this morning, two hours and the entire neck and jawline were cleared. My upper lip has only fuzz and tiny black hairs three weeks after cleaning, and no shaving. The End Is Near... Well, a year or two of occasional sessions away, anyhow... ;D
I spent much of the day with a friend going through a bit of a spiritual crisis. I seem to be the go-to person in my little circle for this sort of thing. I do try to listen, and that seems to be a help to my friends. Still, it makes me sad to hear how rejection and loneliness hits so many different people, even when rejection is unintentional.
I had a nice relaxed dinner with my two best friends. Good folks. We were together Sunday night for a (slightly early) winter solstice rite with a number of others. The rite was pretty straightforward. We cast the circle, mourned the passing of autumn and the old sun, and celebrated the coming of the new sun. Rituals included both the summoning, and casting off burdens and asking for our hopes and goals for the new year, some songs, and finally releasing the circle.
QuoteI was never meant to remain in this confinement of darkness. I was created to dwell in Infinite Light.
Response: Spring will come again, this I know. And I, I will be ready for my emergence and unfolding, that I might soar ever higher into my own Becoming, into the Light of my own Transcendence.
Reawakened.
Renewed.
Reborn.
Seems appropriate, yesyes?
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 19, 2017, 02:11:27 AM
I had my weekly electrolysis session this morning, two hours and the entire neck and jawline were cleared. My upper lip has only fuzz and tiny black hairs three weeks after cleaning, and no shaving. The End Is Near... Well, a year or two of occasional sessions away, anyhow... ;D
.......
I had my top lip and into my nose done for the first time just with cream along with my lower lip...she also did a general tidy up after 3 weeks of no shaving....when I had a look at how much she had accomplished in an hour UI think I felt the same way you do...the end is near for no more weekly sessions and like you the relationship will still be steady for awhile yet but we are on the home stretch....it feels good to say that.
Quote from: ElizabethK on December 19, 2017, 02:39:03 AM
I had my top lip and into my nose done for the first time just with cream along with my lower lip...she also did a general tidy up after 3 weeks of no shaving....when I had a look at how much she had accomplished in an hour UI think I felt the same way you do...the end is near for no more weekly sessions and like you the relationship will still be steady for awhile yet but we are on the home stretch....it feels good to say that.
It's awesome to make it all the way to the other side. I remember when I started! I thought this would take forever!
Quote from: Michelle_P on June 14, 2016, 12:51:04 PM
Like the guy who saw the demons circling said, "It's just one damn thing after another." I'll probably just have to get dressed, get out of the house, and do some shopping. Purely for therapeutic reasons. Especially the shoes and wigs...
The electrolysis went very well. This was an intro session, so we talked hair growth, what needed to be done, and so on, followed by an easy hour in the chair working on my chin. Realistically, it's a spa session for me, with Jodie taking care of me while I relax. She seems to have a good clientele of MtF folks. She's using thermolysis on me, which works pretty well for me. Very little discomfort, redness or swelling, and only three tiny red dots visible the next day.
The next session will be for two hours, and we'll see about getting a regular 4 hour block if I tolerate that well.
I guess i did. I was doing four hour days til in ran out of hair in each session! Yay!
Well, after playing therapist for friends this week, tonight was my turn in the barrel, going to group therapy. Oh, dear, but I wish I hadn't gone. This was one of those special sessions in which everyone leaves both triggered and reminded of all the oh-so-many reasons why we should feel miserable during the holiday season.
Yuck.
Add in pointless monologueing, and you have the Session from Heck.
So, there was nothing to do for it but bake my whole wheat M&M cookies when I got home. Oh, sweet cookies, you'll never turn on me, will you?
Meanwhile, everything is ready to go on the condo purchase front, so I wired the down payment, and will sign the documents on Thursday. Friday I take possession of my new two bedroom two bath condo unit. Yay!
I had what might be my most unusual 24 hours ever...
Yesterday I had done a bit of shopping to complete my Christmas dinner menu:
Garden salad
Kale
Roasted yams
Sesame asparagus
Whole turkey
Cranberry Orange sauce
Cranberry Walnut bread
Apple crisp with vanilla bean ice cream
Tea, coffee, hot cider
I then headed out of town to an evening monthly group session with my gender therapist and three other transwomen. This, unlike the Tuesday session through my HMO, was a very positive, affirming experience. I feel very fortunate to have stumbled upon this therapist, and stuck with her even after she 'retired' from the HMO to private practice. The session was in a college town about 60 miles from my home, out near Sacramento.
This morning I had an appointment in Sacramento with a doctor recently hired by my HMO.
Rather than drive 60 miles in the dark, then 75 miles at dawn to return to the Sacramento region, I chose to just stay overnight in Sacramento. So, evening in a hotel, mediocre dinner, and them relaxed, yakking two hours on the phone with my best friend.
This morning's appointment was with the new doctor. She's in the 'plastic surgery' department, and is an experienced maxillofacial surgeon. She spent about an hour with me, going over my face in some detail, collecting background info on me, asking about what I thought my problem spots were, offering suggestions, and both taking photos and reviewing my CAT scan data. Once we agreed on a set of changes, she worked up a list of bone and soft tissue revisions, thoroughly and professionally.
I was very impressed. Even better, since she was just starting at Kaiser, there was not a backlog yet. I spoke with the surgery scheduler and her assistant regarding schedule, and it looks like the surgery could take place soon after the six month hold period since my gender confirmation surgery (GCS). That is, the surgery would be covered by my current insurance. That is a huge positive, rather than waiting til early/mid 2019 and possibly not having insurance coverage (I'll be on the HMO's Medicare Advantage program starting in November 2018, and the Federal government sets the rules on what is covered.)
I left the appointment feeling pretty good, and talked to my best friend about it as I drove back home. Good, positive feeling about all of this.
I got home, dropped off my bag, grabbed some paperwork, and headed off to my condo purchase closing to sign a few thousand documents. When the paperwork is recorded by the county clerk in the morning, the condo is mine. Mine. Mine, mine, mine, mine, MINE!
After that, I stopped at a hardware place to buy a bunch of cheap boxes and packing tape, then to a Trader Joe's to get bread and a few last dinner goodies, and a lovely seasonal bouquet of flowers.
I got home, and have been feeling damn near giddy, combined with (ahem!) other reawakening feelings. Sadie ain't the only one... I sublimated by making more cookies; oatmeal chocolate chip, oatmeal pecan raisin, whole wheat M&M... I'll be baking several hundred cookies in a church kitchen on Christmas Eve. Hot fresh cookies and cider for everyone!
My son flies in tomorrow mid-day to stay with me over the weekend. I get the keys to the new place in the afternoon. Oh, what will we do over the weekend??? ;)
So, yeah, in 24 hours I planned and shopped for a dinner party, had a great therapy session, did my first hotel stay since GCS, got evaluated and received an estimated date for facial feminization surgery (FFS), closed on a condo, and started the packing process.
I bet I sleep well tonight.
It all sounds so good Michelle. Let me know when my room will be ready won't you?
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on December 22, 2017, 12:44:57 AM
It all sounds so good Michelle. Let me know when my room will be ready won't you?
Hugs,
Laurie
I certainly will. I'll be recarpeting first, then I have to add those eye bolts you suggested. Soon!
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Awesome 😊
Just for my own reference, I posted the details of my FFS eval with Dr. Gill over in this thread:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,232066.msg2065003.html#msg2065003 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,232066.msg2065003.html#msg2065003)
I spent Christmas Day with a friend, first hiking then hanging out and fixing our Christmas dinner. Another friend who would have been alone came to join us for dinner. 😋
We had a very leisurely meal from about 4 til a little after 8, lots of talking and silliness. The menu:
Squash soup
Blanched and seasoned 'power greens', absolutely delicious with the ginger and garlic Mary added.
Whole roast turkey
Baked yams with an almond flour & oatmeal crust
Sesame ginger asparagus
Cranberry walnut bread
Cranberry orange relish
Sparkling cider
And, for dessert, apple crisp and vanilla bean ice cream.
I had fun doing the meal. (Only one problem, when I dropped the yam pan a foot and made a mess. All cleaned up quickly, though.)
We toasted to sisterhood, friendship, and our hopes for romance in the coming year.
The last guest left about 10 PM.
Today's big project is schlepping boxes and boxes of stuff down the hall to my new condo. I hope to get all the loose small stuff beyond daily necessities out of here shortly, and once the carpets are cleaned in the new place, I'll have some movers shift the heavy stuff down the hall to the new place.
Hi Michelle,
Laurie here. Remember me? (((Hug)))
It sounds like you had a very nice Christmas right up to your daughter being mean. That's a shame and really sad. One can hope and pray that she will eventually have a change of heart and see what a wonderful person you really are. May your New Year celebration be even better.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on December 26, 2017, 10:17:44 PM
Hi Michelle,
Laurie here. Remember me? (((Hug)))
It sounds like you had a very nice Christmas right up to your daughter being mean. That's a shame and really sad. One can hope and pray that she will eventually have a change of heart and see what a wonderful person you really are. May your New Year celebration be even better.
Hugs,
Laurie
Well, of course I remember you, silly! I had to go to a LOT of trouble just to get a sample of your scent to train the honey badgers with. You just don't forget a thing like that.
I had a wonderful Christmas this year, no presents but the presence of my two best friends. They would have been alone yesterday evening, so instead we had Christmas dinner at my little place, with delicious food and great conversation. You are welcome at table here next year if you like.
Anyway, life goes on. I've got much of the infrequently used stuff moved out of my old apartment, about one linen closet to go. I've contacted a carpet cleaning company, and if the quote looks good will have them scrub down the beber carpeting in the new place. It's not worn, just dirty, and should be a good base for decorative area rugs.
I spent a few hours rekeying the locks on the new place. It should have been a 30 minute job, but the front door lock in the opening lever was a little odd. OK, it was bizarre, with antitamper stuff I've never seen before, and an odd hand-modified cylinder. I got it done.
Dinner tonight was leftovers from last night's feast, and in a couple minutes, I'll be having apple crisp and a little bit of ice cream. 😋 Then, sweet dreams!
Ahhh Families...what can you say. Glad you had such a wonderful Xmas. Sounds like a perfectly wonderful way to spend Xmas, good food and good friends!!
The moving project continues. The carpet cleaners were here yesterday, with a huge portable machine rather than the truck mounted rig as I'm on the second floor. They made quick work of the carpet, now a shade lighter and far less smelly.
I've been packing and moving the kitchen to the new place, sorting and organizing all the goodies into a wealth of cabinets. I even have a pantry now, as part of the laundry room! Most of the small stuff is gone from the apartment, and the movers will be here Tuesday afternoon to move the heavy stuff down the hall. I'm happy to pay for this. Most of my friends are in the 55 and older set, not the folks to move a 100 pound dresser or bulky bed from room to room. Far cheaper than the medical bill for back damage!
I've also been doing the 'change of address' thing, and getting all those bits and pieces of my life lined up. I hope it will be a long time before I have to move again.
Tomorrow night I've got a New Years Eve party to attend, hosted by friends in a nearby 55 and older community. The party runs until the ball drops. On the East Coast. At 9 PM here. Bedtime for the senior set :D .
If I didn't have that the social support group I'm in also has something going on, which I think is great, and a good thing for many of the folks still not quite out. The group's organizer is an amazing generous and hard working person.
I'm planning on bringing some goodies for the party. I think I'll use the new kitchen for that!
Happy 2018, Michelle! It sounds like you had a wonderful holiday season despite a very busy schedule (although that seems pretty usual for you) and that unfortunate outburst from your daughter. I am glad to hear that you found an option for FFS before you lose your current insurance coverage--it sounds like the consult went well. Wishing you health and happiness in 2018!
Happy 2018!
The movers have come and gone, and everything is in my new place except a few cleaning supplies.
As I was picking up the last few items, the folks upstairs fired up their super-vacuum cleaner, shaking the ceiling and causing the dining room light to buzz loudly and swing. I stepped out, closed and locked the door, smiling.
Of course the new place is a mess. I still need to figure out exactly where I want to put everything, and unpack the boxes. Still, it's big, comfortable, and mine.
Since the kitchen is a mess, and I needed a break between three hours of electrolysis and the move, I'm going out to a local chain place for my favorite salad. Excuses, excuses...
It's funny, but looking at recent posts in this thread vs the early ones, well... I have a life! Kind of neat, actually. [emoji56]
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Yes my Dear Michelle, You do have a life! You have a very busy life and you are doing what you want. You have your own place. You have good friends both IRL and online (but we too are IRL) You have a church you are a part of. Your yourself as you knew you should be. What a life!!
love ya girl,
Laurie
Thanks, Laurie!
I've got the master bedroom and walk-in closet unpacked and loaded, and part of the master bath. There's enough kitchen to get my breakfast in the morning. I'm tired...
So, since gender conformation surgery (GCS), I've noticed a few interesting things. I don't have the endurance I used to, not surprising as I need to heal more. In spite of being on half the Estradiol dose that I was on before GCS, I've had breast growth, up to a solid if funny looking 34B. I also seem to have gained some on the hips. I had bought some oversized cotton briefs for post-GCS use, Hanes size 7, 2 sizes more than I usually wore. Now, the swelling is way down after 10 weeks, but... those size 7s are pretty snug. 😳
I've also been gaining weight at a calorie intake that used to hold weight steady, up to 140 lbs now (I'm 5' 8"). Fortunately most of that weight went to places I would like to be a bit larger. ☺️ There has apparently been some sort of metabolic change. It feels like I HAVE to gain some weight, like my body is insisting on it.
You're 5'8"??! Were you wearing heels when we met or are you simply one of those women who projects "tall"?
IAC, happy happy for you this morning Michelle! :-)
Quote from: SadieBlake on January 03, 2018, 03:21:00 AM
You're 5'8"??! Were you wearing heels when we met or are you simply one of those women who projects "tall"?
IAC, happy happy for you this morning Michelle! :-)
;D If I recall correctly, those were my 'go to' SoftSpots, with a 2" chunk heel. ;) I don't usually go any higher than maybe 2 1/2".
I didn't sleep that well last night in the new place. It'll probably take me a little while to settle in and get used to it. I'm definitely liking more space and having an office room to keep all the distracting stuff out of the bedroom and living room.
Office room? I thought it was my room. Is it ready yet? I mean you've had at least a day now. I'll bring my melatonin and benadryl to help you sleep. I think I slept the whole night through last night. I may have awaken once to turn over and go right back to sleep. I'm not sure as the thought is pretty foggy. I'm willing to share the sleep concoction so you can settle in. I won't even require a trade for cookies.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on January 03, 2018, 09:44:41 AM
Office room? I thought it was my room. Is it ready yet? I mean you've had at least a day now. I'll bring my melatonin and benadryl to help you sleep. I think I slept the whole night through last night. I may have awaken once to turn over and go right back to sleep. I'm not sure as the thought is pretty foggy. I'm willing to share the sleep concoction so you can settle in. I won't even require a trade for cookies.
Hugs,
Laurie
Hey, the badgers have to sleep somewhere.
Quote from: Laurie on January 03, 2018, 09:44:41 AM
Office room? I thought it was my room. Is it ready yet? I mean you've had at least a day now. I'll bring my melatonin and benadryl to help you sleep. I think I slept the whole night through last night. I may have awaken once to turn over and go right back to sleep. I'm not sure as the thought is pretty foggy. I'm willing to share the sleep concoction so you can settle in. I won't even require a trade for cookies.
Hugs,
Laurie
Patience, dear, patience. I have to get the bed assembled. IKEA stuff... Just getting the straps and eyebolts properly installed is tricky. I'm not sure they included all the right parts. Then I have to rework the little honey badger 'dens' so they fit under the bed. You wouldn't want to sleep alone, now, would you?
Then I have to do something about all these boxes...
The post-move unpackathon continues, slowly. I'm getting settled in here. "Laurie's room" is still a mess of stacked boxes, I'm afraid. The condo does come with extra locked storage space down in the garage, about 40 square feet, and I will definitely be using that.
The cable internet & TV stuff is working, mostly. Good ole Comcast. I returned the old gear and closed the old account which was from prior to my name change, and opened a new account in my name. One more little bit of affirmation done...
Thursday I was at our church's Open Womens Group meeting, where we had a presentation from our Director of Religious Education. ;D This is a Unitarian Universalist congregation, so that label definitely doesn't mean what most folks think it means. They teach real-life coping skills, conflict resolution, and sex ed (far better than public schools with their abstinence-only nonsense), among other things. Questions on trans support came up, including pronouns.
At the luncheon afterwards I put on my badges I wear as part of our "Pronouns" campaign, a little educational program by our LGBTQ committee to teach folks to be more accepting of different pronouns, as part of being more welcoming to LGBTQ visitors. I was explaining the program to some of our older members.
"So, you see that the pronouns that someone feels are correct for them might not match what you might think in just looking at them..."
"Oh, like if one of those transgenders was to come here..."
"Yes, just so. If a transgender person came here, we'd want to be respectful and use the pronouns they would feel are right for them." I had to suppress the grin. "... ifone of those transgenders was to come here..." I could hug you, dear. More affirmation...
Friday was a bit of a bummer. I had a visit with the dermatologist to take car of yet another basal cell cancer, an excision on my right forearm near the melanoma surgery scar. Another dozen stitches, no exercise, no lifting for several weeks... At least it's gone now.
During the procedure I asked the dermatologist for info on a couple of things the FFS surgeon had mentioned, phenol peel or CO2 laser skin resurfacing. OK, ow! I suppose they will de-wrinkle me a bit. And as electrolysis winds up this year, I may need to find a new source of pain. Or not! Good grief...
I've got a bunch of stuff this afternoon and evening, including a neat musical performance and dinner with friends. That'll keep me occupied. There are a bunch of other tasks I need to get done, without any lifting, so we will see how that goes.
So, is this still part of the Real Life Test, or is it part of Real Life? Is Real Life a test? Pass/fail? I prefer multiple choice, myself...
OMG My room is still not ready?? I feel torn these days. I'm wanted in the four corners of the USA and internationally. Please don't get ideas of drawing and quartering me. lol
I'm glad to read the unpacking is going well Michelle. The cable TV isn't important when one considers the have you to keep them ummm entertained. Yeah, That it entertained. I've heard that unasked for affirmation is good to get and it seem you are doing that. Question... Is that affirmation anything like this positive affirmation my therapist and several other have been trying to coerce me into trying?
I am glad you are getting back into the swing of things that make up your world. It's progress my girl progress!
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Michelle_P on January 06, 2018, 11:48:36 AM
"Oh, like if one of those transgenders was to come here..."
Not that that would ever actually happen. Still, it's best to be ready in case...
LOL! :D I'd say that was a pass!
Quote from: Michelle_P on January 06, 2018, 11:48:36 AM
So, is this still part of the Real Life Test, or is it part of Real Life? Is Real Life a test? Pass/fail?
I believe that you put this line in with humor intended but it is a great question. Many of us have been wrapped up with transition for a while and then at some point it gets past that to living life. And I think that we realize at some point, while looking back, that we may have actually gotten to where we were seeking to go without noticing it. And then what? I know that for myself, life is just awash with possibilities/opportunities beyond what I had ever expected, and those in just day to day living as I always needed to be.
Tia Anne
Quote from: Anne Blake on January 06, 2018, 03:33:14 PM
I believe that you put this line in with humor intended but it is a great question. Many of us have been wrapped up with transition for a while and then at some point it gets past that to living life. And I think that we realize at some point, while looking back, that we may have actually gotten to where we were seeking to go without noticing it. And then what? I know that for myself, life is just awash with possibilities/opportunities beyond what I had ever expected, and those in just day to day living as I always needed to be.
Tia Anne
I think you got exactly my intent. With humor, I'm wondering if I've actually reach my goal, and have perhaps been so busy that I didn't quite notice. Certainly, it was around here somewhere that I had dreamed of someday being.
Of course, this is hardly the end of the story. This is merely the end of the beginning.
Michelle, I do believe that we have gotten to the point where in front of us is a new journal, a blank storey book just waiting to be filled with wondrous tales that our kids and grandkids will be loving every minute of and will be amazed at what grandma was able to do with her life!
Tia Anne
Chapter 2... In which Michelle lives her life... [emoji6]
I'm still healing from the little excision surgery 5 days ago, tending to my right forearm and avoiding heavy lifting. That has cleaning the old apartment and unpacking the last of the new place mostly on hold. I've been tidying stuff up, taking care of little details, and generally puttering around.
Much of the depression I had been putting up with is dissipating, and I'm getting more exercise in. So, every day in every way I'm getting better and better... *twitch* *twitch*
I'm playing around with a few new recipes, and trying out some cookie and salad variations.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180111/8f93b1f46ff0b0a01e693ce4ab7579c8.jpg)
I do have a few events coming up. Yet another lesbian group meet up on Saturday, for a local hike, and a reunion of gals who have taken one of the Conscious Girlfriend classes on Sunday, so I continue to try and have a social life. There's supposed to be a meditation class tonight that I'll head off to in a little while.
I attended a little shopping event for trans women Saturday, which a local social support group hosts with a consignment shop in the area. The owner and one of her friends help the gals pick out items for their wardrobe and provide advice. It's a nice event for those who aren't full time, and for those of us just looking for a little safe low pressure socialization and shopping.
A good part of my wardrobe came from this shop. [emoji4] The skirt and white leather jacket were both great finds.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180111/bb6efae8128a9fba3e7f05836966aeb0.jpg)
Oh, I snapped those when I got home from running errands and getting lunch. I did my morning exercise loop around town, got my double espresso macchiato, headed to Target to pick up some odds and ends, grabbed lunch at Panera, did a little more shopping, and came home. That's pretty much how I looked today running around town.
I am glad to see that you have already resumed the breakneck pace of your usual social life! That consignment shop idea is so wonderful--I am going to look into bringing something similar to our local pride center. I am glad to hear that you are healing well and getting over some of that lingering depression. Big hugs!
Dang it Michelle,
Not one word of progress with my room. Gheeze Lady, where are your priorities? You probably haven't done a thing more on it to get it ready. Yeah yeah I know,"the doctor said..." uh huh Are you really going to use that one? Heck you have time for meetings and hikes and shopping...
You did get that nice jacket and skirt though. That bargain may have been worth the time you could have spent in your new home. I'll overlook that one I suppose.
As for the hiking and socializing, well you can do that stuff after the home front is in order can't you? I mean really you need a social life too?
Depression is fading? Hey what's with that how will you be able to relate to me if you are feel good? Oh alright I suppose it is a good thing. (mutter mutter)
Were those chocolate chip cookies? Now tell be how you are going to dunk them in milk with ice cream in between them? What up with that?
Glad you are rehabilitating well, Michelle, even if it is at the cost of getting my room ready :)
Hugs,
Laurie
Well look at you girl, sorry i'm a bit late to the party but congrats are in order I hear. :) Really happy for you and wish you all the happiness for the future.
Hope the post op is going well for you, I haven't had time to catch up fully yet but glad to hear the depression is lifting.
Peace and love and all that good stuff,
Sadie
Today is a special one, of sorts. This is my Legal Rebirth-Day, if you will.
One year ago today my identity was formally recognized by the Court, and I was permitted to change my identification and government records to match who I am.
From a year ago:
Quote
I think I just set some sort of record.
My petition to the Court requesting the government acknowledge my existence was heard this morning at 9:00 AM. The judge had a couple of other name change petitions this morning, and called us all forward by name, to be seated at the Petitioner and Respondant tables. Yes, I heard "Michelle Jean Paquette" called for the first time in that courtroom.
He then signed the documents, passing them to the clerk, who did something with the computer system and then handed us the documents. He told us to take them downstairs to Filing, get them recorded, and get certified copies. (Nothing unexpected there.) In at 9:00, and out with my court order recognizing me at 9:08.
I had the order filed at once, and got my certified copies, embossed with the court seal and stamp, and signed by the Clerk. By 10 AM I was home. I put the car away, grabbed my prepared materials, and added the court order copies. Time for a little walk to the Civic Center.
At 10:30 I was in the Post Office queue, and by 11 (they ARE the post office...) I had posted a packet to the Department of Vital Records, by priority mail, that should arrive Monday. That one requests the birth certificate under the new name and gender, and seals the old certificate.
At 11:10 I had checked in at Social Security and was in their queue. At noon, my Numident record had my new name and gender inserted. Off to the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV).
At 12:15 I was in the DMV queue. At 12:30, they rejected my paperwork, due to a blank 'Case Number' field in the doctor's form. Kaiser doesn't seem to actually have case numbers, after calling them, but my Medical Record Number would do. Yay cellphones. OK, I fill that in and get back in the queue. Eventually a really nice older woman calls my number, and we chat while she gets the system to open up the name/gender change screens. A manager has to sign the forms, and then unlock the screen so the clerk can enter the new information. At 2:08 PM, I have the traditional bad photo taken, and I am out the door, new license on the way, old license sealed.
Five hours from gavel strike to being done with the Birth certificate, Social Security card, and Drivers License. The SS and DMV cards will be here within 2 weeks. The birth certificate takes a few months, but everything is filed and in process before any administrative rule changes might happen.
Time for a lunch break... Or something...
Over the moon? Elated? Excited? Oh, you bet! I am definitely going to celebrate this event. I don't know how, just yet, but it will happen.
Happy re-birthday, Michelle.
Quote from: Laurie on January 11, 2018, 07:03:09 PM
Dang it Michelle,
Not one word of progress with my room. Gheeze Lady, where are your priorities? You probably haven't done a thing more on it to get it ready. Yeah yeah I know,"the doctor said..." uh huh Are you really going to use that one? Heck you have time for meetings and hikes and shopping...
You did get that nice jacket and skirt though. That bargain may have been worth the time you could have spent in your new home. I'll overlook that one I suppose.
As for the hiking and socializing, well you can do that stuff after the home front is in order can't you? I mean really you need a social life too?
I'm slowly unpacking and setting up Lauries's Room, just can't lift much without tearing stitches. I slide the boxes over, and lift what I can out of them. Tedious, but it is getting done.
The jacket and skirt are ones I've had about a year now, actually. In a recent shopping trip, I did score a leather maxi-skirt, and a really nice silk top, so I am definitely still shopping. Hey, I have to look nice for company, right?
The hiking is for fitness, and the socializing is for sanity. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. :icon_female:
Quote
Depression is fading? Hey what's with that how will you be able to relate to me if you are feel good? Oh alright I suppose it is a good thing. (mutter mutter)
Oh, don't worry about that. It's not like I'll FORGET what depression is like. That never happens, although sometimes I wish I could forget it. Painful memories there...
Quote
Were those chocolate chip cookies? Now tell be how you are going to dunk them in milk with ice cream in between them? What up with that?
Well, that's the real trick, isn't it? I think I have to get the ice cream formed into little discs and chilled to around -30 degrees F. Then it will handle being pressed between cookies and being dunked a little better. I'll have to run an extensive series of experiments to develop a good solution.
I may need help doing this...
Quote
Glad you are rehabilitating well, Michelle, even if it is at the cost of getting my room ready :)
Hugs,
Laurie
Every day, in every way, I'm getting better and better.... *TWITCH* *TWITCH*
The lesbian group 'MeetUp' event went well. We did a 5 mile hike while discussing which science fiction books reflected current times in various ways, and then went for a late lunch at a local Persian buffet place in Berkeley. No big fuss over the transgender woman, fortunately. The leader had a few trans-tangential questions at one point in the hike that I tried to address, but nobody else raised the issue. There were the usual funny looks as we were getting together before the hike, of course.
I was looking forward mostly to the hike and socializing a bit, but also got some interesting book ideas. I'll probably do other events this group comes up with.
Tomorrow I have that 'Conscious Girlfriend' reunion meetup. It looks like there will be six of us there. I've a few items to cook up prior to the meetup, and am looking forward to a little more socializing. (Laurie is probably cringing at this...)
Wheee! Yay for meetup things, I went to a queer poly women's thing recently and was well received, met fun female loving females and generally had fun.
In fact, I had ANOTHER meetup-like thing this afternoon, a get-together of several lesbians who have gone through a Conscious Girlfriend class. I found that two of us are signed up for the big 12 week class starting next week. Should be fun taking this with someone I know, if only through a few meetups.
Today's event had just 6 of us, doing a potluck and three hours of discussion on dating, being conscious of our feelings, red flags, and similar such topics ("How to avoid bringing the U-Haul on the second date...").
My heirloom tomato salad, teriyaki chicken, and cookies were a big hit. I'm going to make some gal a terrific housewife... :o
12 Weeks??? I have to wait twelve weeks for you to have time for me? I'm glad to see you getting out and socializing Michelle. How is that arm doing, healing good? It looks like you are getting back into the "Adventures in the Life of Michelle" again. Busy busy busy.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on January 15, 2018, 09:56:50 AM
12 Weeks??? I have to wait twelve weeks for you to have time for me? I'm glad to see you getting out and socializing Michelle. How is that arm doing, healing good? It looks like you are getting back into the "Adventures in the Life of Michelle" again. Busy busy busy.
Hugs,
Laurie
Oh, I can do that class from anywhere I have a phone or computer to get into the sessions. It's not at a physical location, so I don't have to take off and neglect my friends or leave my dear sweet honey badgers behind.
The arm is healing well, and isn't slowing me down too much beyond the inability to lift stuff. Of course that has slowed down my unpacking and getting that room ready. It will be good to go next week.
Today is pretty busy. I met a friend for coffee this morning, went to an interfaith service for Martin Luther King Day, attended a protest march, and I'm getting ready to go out to dinner and to a meetup with some other transwomen.
I just got off the phone with an organizer for the county Womens March, and I'll be doing a short speech at Saturday's march. We were working out where I'll be in the lineup. I come in right after our youth speakers on racism and immigration issues.
So, how's your Monday?
Today wasn't a bad day. Getting news about an hour and a half ago of an uncle passing away tonight wasn't good news though. We weren't close any more but still there went another one. I think that leaves two uncles still alive and two aunts out of 8 of Mom's siblings. I don't think there are any on Dad's side of the family left.
Laurie, I'm sorry you had that bad news about your uncle. Death of someone within our family is hard no matter what.
I didn't have that large a family, and when my uncle passed away after my parents were gone, that had some significance to me. It was effectively the Old Guard passing away, leaving ME as the oldest living family member in my late 50s. That was a very disquieting feeling.
Yeah Michelle,
The old guard is passing into history. I was really bothered about not being able to pass on the family name after it became apparent my son would never have kids of his own. I am the last of my branch on the family tree. It took me awhile to come to terms with that. Or at least I think I have.
I do have one uncle that will probably out last me on my Mom's side. He is only a year older than I am.
Anyway enough of thoughts along that line.
Hugs,
Laurie
Michelle,
I have been keeping up with your (many, many) goings on and am curious--how did the speech at the march go? I so admire all that you give to the various communities in which you take part. Wishing you continued peace, joy and strength. Also, a happy belated re-birth day! Big hugs.
Quote from: p on January 16, 2018, 12:35:58 PM
Michelle,
I have been keeping up with your (many, many) goings on and am curious--how did the speech at the march go? I so admire all that you give to the various communities in which you take part. Wishing you continued peace, joy and strength. Also, a happy belated re-birth day! Big hugs.
Oh, that speech won't be until Jan 20th. I'm still writing it! It will wind up at maybe 120 words, so I need to make them count.
Thanks for the happy re-birthday! That one brought a smile to my face. So glad to have the legal stuff out of the way. I may try to get my DD-214 revised as well. Thats an odd one.
Thanks!
Home from the doctors, and the stitches from the excision on my forearm are gone! The removed tissue had "clean margins" meaning that the doc got it all. Good riddance!
That removes the weight restrictions, so I can get back to work on Laurie's Room, er... the guest room. Let's see... eyebolts... check! Suspension frame... check! Hoist... check! St Andrews Cross... check! Just amazing what IKEA carries in the local store...
I've got my little speech ready for the Contra Costa Women's March, I think. It runs a minute thirty-five on a dry read, should meet their two minute request on stage OK. They have like a dozen speakers for a 30 minute rally. I bet the politicians go WAY over.
Fun weekend ahead!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
You forgot the iron maiden and the rack. Otherwise you are almost ready for a visit from Laurie.
I hear Laurie doesn't like Iron Maidens as they tend to chip her nail polish ;D She's a big softie really.
Good luck with the speech Michelle. Nothing like getting out there on the front line eh? I'm sure you'll smash it :)
Peace and love and all that good stuff,
Sadie
I'll have to see if there's a padded version available. Some sort of standing isolation tank, perhaps... ::)
The speech did go well. One interesting thing: When the speech was over the women from the UU church sort of flocked around me, escorting me away from the stage area. I found out later that they were concerned someone in the crowd might attack the out trans woman! That would have been very surprising within that crowd, but I suppose I could have triggered someone.
I'll post the speech over in the Activism area.
Congratulations Michelle both on the speech and for the women friends you have that rallied around you just in case. That is awesome.
I see you are still lollygagging doing all kinds of things except getting my room ready. Did I tell you I have been feel better recently and am beginning to think I might be able to be fit company soon and be able to do some visiting?
Hugs,
Laurie
Michelle as I am on my GCS recovery, I want to thank you for being so detailed and open about your GCS three months ago. You have inspired me and so many others. Your public speeches, your writing, and just you being you. You are helping change the world.
Quote from: Kendra on January 21, 2018, 05:41:46 AM
Michelle as I am on my GCS recovery, I want to thank you for being so detailed and open about your GCS three months ago. You have inspired me and so many others. Your public speeches, your writing, and just you being you. You are helping change the world.
Kendra, I've been watching your progress, and GCS recovery. Congratulations, and you are doing pretty well there. It's great to have such support.
Something tells me that you might make one heck of an activist yourself. I definitely see the potential there!
Laurie, I still have a bit of work to be done on your room here, but that should be taken care of in the next week or so. Depending on some other factors I may be out of town part of next week, but beyond that I'll definitely be around here much of the time, unless the Road Trip bug bites again.
How's that for being wishy-washy? :D
Quote from: Michelle_P on January 20, 2018, 09:59:36 PM
I'll have to see if there's a padded version available. Some sort of standing isolation tank, perhaps... ::)
The speech did go well. One interesting thing: When the speech was over the women from the UU church sort of flocked around me, escorting me away from the stage area. I found out later that they were concerned someone in the crowd might attack the out trans woman! That would have been very surprising within that crowd, but I suppose I could have triggered someone.
I'll post the speech over in the Activism area.
Michelle, I know I would have been overwhelmed with joy having cis-sisters give such support.
Well, here we go again.
One of my offspring, after tracking down online accounts, copying information, and making other mischief, has decided that if I wouldn't cooperate with being gaslighted, that I should have my family ties destroyed. My mother-in-law who was so accepting now only wants to hear from me by e-mail. I'm trying to contact my other adult children to see if they want any further contact with me or not.
I was prepared to lose everyone in my family when I first came out, and it now looks as though that will happen. If it is to be, it will be. I have people who know me, who accept me, and I will be all right. I'm tired of having to defend myself constantly against malicious attacks and family gossip, and if they choose to try, convince, and sentence me in absentia, I'm not sure I'd want to have any further contact with them.
Meanwhile, before I had all this rubbish dumped on me late Friday, I had a wonderful week. A friend has been traveling the Southwest US in an RV for a few weeks, and was finishing up her trip in Central California. I met up with her and spent a few days in an RV on the coast, with her and her pets. We had an absolutely wonderful time. I cooked up a steak dinner one night in the tiny kitchen. We dined out at a few restaurants, including one place famous for their pies. Mmmm.... olalieberry pie, and a raspberry rhubarb pie!
A little beachcombing, a tour through a long-dead media mogul's country palace, some antiquing, and just hanging out happened. Oh, I scored a set of short mugs for my Franciscanware Desert Rose set. A step closer to completion!
We had a wonderful time. I think I'm falling for her. :D
At my church, I just finished a 1 1/2 day retreat on race relations that continues with 8 biweekly classes. It is a very interesting program, and actually applies beyond racial issues. Much of the experience commented on in the course is common to the transgender experience, especially the experience for transgender women, as well as other visibly different marginalized groups. I'm hoping to make some contributions here.
I've also been named a worship associate, so I'll be up on the chancel, making noise from the lectern during service in a few weeks. This should be fun and interesting, my big chance to upset a couple hundred cis-people in a single shot! No, I'll behave. Still, this will be interesting.
I'm sorry for the turn of events with your family Michelle. It sounds mean spirited.
But I am happy you had such a good time on the coast.... Fort Bragg?
Perspective. I too face the unknown in the coming months to year.
I'm actually excited about it. I can finally be me free! I'm born again and change is scary but it can be exciting!!!
For myself. I'm going to be seeking out trans friendly gatherings and make some new friends ahead of things so I'm not left so much in the lurch. I like myself for the most part so time alone I'm okay with. Time to get in shape, have hrt do their thing and expand my wardrobe prior to going full time.
This is YOUR time finally embrace it, get excited!!!
--Sasha
Michelle, I am so sorry that the resistance of your family has moved up to active mischief. I am especially sorry about the loss of your mother-in-law. I know that she was your one supportive family member, so that loss must be tragic.
You are a strong woman, and. painful as it it, you will get through this.
I am so happy to hear about the success of your other endeavours.
I'm building my new family one relationship at a time. I think I'll be fine.
Meanwhile, on the Transition Treadmill...
I had an electrolysis session today, the first in three weeks. My upper lip, right cheek, and jawline are now cleared again. Not bad for two hours. My electrolyst was able to use a lower current and smaller probe again, so the upper lip work went very easily other than the sneezy spots at each nostril and the hypersensitive spot, "Cupids Bow", in the middle.
I grabbed lunch at a local diner and talked with my favorite waitress for a few minutes, then headed back to my bachelorette pad. I'm going to do my daily walk, and a little shopping. I need a new black bag, and am looking for a very wide belt or two for use with some skirt/top combos.
I've got a dinner event tonight with some friends, mostly identifying as trans, and we will probably wind up closing down the restaurant. These are great fun. (If you are in the SF East Bay and want details, PM me. The group does regular dinners and meet-ups in east Contra Costa county).
I've got a couple technical classes to teach later this week, so prep for that will keep me busy. I also have homework to do for a class I am taking on how to be a better lesbian date, or date better... :) Yes, there are classes for this!
Who knows, I may actually try dating some day. ::)
Hi Michelle,
I am glad you are getting those social engagements out of the way. I must admit curiosity regarding this so call homework "practice" you say you have to do. All kind of salacious thoughts are going through my cute innocent head. I may have to investigate said behaviors.
Oh btw did I tell you I am getting out and about again?
Hugs,
Laurie
"Social engagements"... Yes, I suppose that's what they are. I have a social life! One more clue that I'm leaving the old INTJ life behind...
Last night's social engagement was a dinner event with a fun group of people, about 24 of us in total. Five of us wound up closing down the place, while we sat at table in freewheeling conversation that touched upon everything from sociology, anthropology, and economics to arson investigation!
This was a fascinating group of folks. Statistically, I would say that 18 of the folks fell somewhere under the transgender umbrella, 6 were family, 5 were well into a medical transition, and all but one had a femme presentation. Not all of the folks I identify as transgender accept that label, by the way. In conversation, several identified as being cross-dressers, and did not believe they were transgender. When I asked what drives them, they said that they felt better, more comfortable when dressed, and more in touch with their feminine side. I thought this was interesting in view of how we currently define transgender. I certainly won't push against someone's own self-identification!
Even with this wildly varying crowd, and most folks having NO voice work, or trying to shift pitch, there was no misgendering by the staff or others. It seems that the desire for a nice tip was sufficient to prevent any 'accidental' misgendering. It takes very little effort for others to take their cue and gender us correctly.
It's nice to be able to be out in public and enjoy a nice dinner with friends, without worrying about hostile or unaccepting actions by others, having to justify my existence to a casual acquaintance or a stranger, or being grilled about transgender issues when I just want to enjoy my dinner.
Actual down time with friends! Yay!
I behaved for dinner, with a nice chop salad, but then the dessert menu came out. Oh, apple crisp, my downfall. Um... Their 'apple crisp' was mostly a huge wedge of vanilla ice cream atop a passable crisp in a sort of ramiken. I did eat it, though. I blame the glass of wine. There's another 800 calories I didn't need. Oh, well. I'll know better next time. Perhaps I'll even resist. ::)
Laurie, my 'homework' for that class is mostly worksheets, some meditation exercises, and some audio recordings to listen to. Hrmph! No, nothing on horizontal gymnastics, no new rope tricks...
Yes, I saw your recent road trip! Yay! I want to make a pass through Oregon and Washington to visit relatives in the Olympia area in spring, and perhaps some other folks in that region. Just me and my little friends in the Prius, along with my sleeping roll and a bag of Purina Badger Chow...
Quote from: Michelle_P on January 30, 2018, 11:23:02 AM
Laurie, my 'homework' for that class is mostly worksheets, some meditation exercises, and some audio recordings to listen to. Hrmph! No, nothing on horizontal gymnastics, no new rope tricks...
Yes, I saw your recent road trip! Yay! I want to make a pass through Oregon and Washington to visit relatives in the Olympia area in spring, and perhaps some other folks in that region. Just me and my little friends in the Prius, along with my sleeping roll and a bag of Purina Badger Chow...
Whew! That's a relief about the homework. You did have me wondering about it though. A trip through on your way to Olympia huh? That is the area my daughter is in. Actually next door in Lacey. Kendra, Bethany and Saha are a bit north of there. I have a feeling you and Jessica may be seeing me in the flesh before spring.... Just a feeling.
Oh btw I do not consider a visit to Tessa's a road trip at all. It is just down the street as I recon distances. Kendra's is down the street and around the corner. Under 500 miles is in the neighborhood. If I can reach it in a day it is down the road a piece. Beyond the is getting into road trip distance. I am thinking of a road trip somewhere in the near future. Nothing concrete mind you as that would be too close to planning and everyone know I am allergic about plans.
Hugs lady,
Laurie
Great to see you getting out and about and making friends. Seriously it does my heart good to read about your adventures.
Peace and love and all that good stuff,
Sadie
Quote from: Michelle_P on January 30, 2018, 11:23:02 AM
It's nice to be able to be out in public and enjoy a nice dinner with friends, without worrying about hostile or unaccepting actions by others, having to justify my existence to a casual acquaintance or a stranger, or being grilled about transgender issues when I just want to enjoy my dinner.
Actual down time with friends! Yay!
This sounds really great and it sounds like you had a fabulous time. Its cool when being trans is no big thing!
Hugs
Liz
Quote from: Michelle_P on January 30, 2018, 11:23:02 AM
"Social engagements"... Yes, I suppose that's what they are. I have a social life! One more clue that I'm leaving the old INTJ life behind...
Last night's social engagement was a dinner event with a fun group of people, about 24 of us in total. Five of us wound up closing down the place, while we sat at table in freewheeling conversation that touched upon everything from sociology, anthropology, and economics to arson investigation!
This was a fascinating group of folks. Statistically, I would say that 18 of the folks fell somewhere under the transgender umbrella, 6 were family, 5 were well into a medical transition, and all but one had a femme presentation. Not all of the folks I identify as transgender accept that label, by the way. In conversation, several identified as being cross-dressers, and did not believe they were transgender. When I asked what drives them, they said that they felt better, more comfortable when dressed, and more in touch with their feminine side. I thought this was interesting in view of how we currently define transgender. I certainly won't push against someone's own self-identification!
Even with this wildly varying crowd, and most folks having NO voice work, or trying to shift pitch, there was no misgendering by the staff or others. It seems that the desire for a nice tip was sufficient to prevent any 'accidental' misgendering. It takes very little effort for others to take their cue and gender us correctly.
It's nice to be able to be out in public and enjoy a nice dinner with friends, without worrying about hostile or unaccepting actions by others, having to justify my existence to a casual acquaintance or a stranger, or being grilled about transgender issues when I just want to enjoy my dinner.
Actual down time with friends! Yay!
I behaved for dinner, with a nice chop salad, but then the dessert menu came out. Oh, apple crisp, my downfall. Um... Their 'apple crisp' was mostly a huge wedge of vanilla ice cream atop a passable crisp in a sort of ramiken. I did eat it, though. I blame the glass of wine.
Michelle, I need to consider the invite to these social engagements. The only hitch is I'm my wife's personal chef. She told her mom (a great cook) when she was trying to teach her, "I don't need to learn how, I'll marry someone that can".
I'm not going to use that as an excuse though!
There are regular get-together of this group on the first and third Monday of each month, dinner at a little sushi/udon joint with something for everyone, and some time at a local pub socializing. Months with a fifth Monday have these dinners.
It's ok to come as you are. We have folks from all over the SF Bay Area coming. PM me for details.
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Thanks Michelle! I'll check my rollodex to see if I can work it into the schedule of a retired woman.
Hi Michelle,
Knowing you are such a social butterfly and always in demand, it makes me curious what is on your calendar. I know you have the sushi bar on Monday but you haven't elaborated on anything else. Last month you fid you best at procrastinating in preparing my room, even to going to the extreme of minor surgery for an excuse to put it off. And here it is February already! Need I remund you Jessica is anxiously waiting to meet me and you are delaying it? You do know I can't be held responsible for her actions if you continue to delay facilitating my accommodations.
Hugs hun,
Laurie
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Quote from: Laurie on February 02, 2018, 12:11:56 PMKnowing you are such a social butterfly and always in demand, it makes me curious what is on your calendar. I know you have the sushi bar on Monday but you haven't elaborated on anything else. Last month you fid you best at procrastinating in preparing my room, even to going to the extreme of minor surgery for an excuse to put it off. And here it is February already! Need I remund you Jessica is anxiously waiting to meet me and you are delaying it? You do know I can't be held responsible for her actions if you continue to delay facilitating my accommodations.
Hugs hun,
Laurie
I PM'd you my Usual Schedule to get an idea of what my social whirlwind looks like. 🙄
I actually can accomodate guests right now, it's just that the place looks pretty spartan. I need to get additional furnishing items, lights, and such, and bath accessories for the guest bath.
I may soon have another Grand Excuse, using my usual tactic of arranging surgeries. Kaiser Sacramento's surgery scheduler called today, and the April book is now open. They wanted to verify that I would be available starting in mid-April for my FFS procedures. No date yet, but it was nice to actually hear from someone. Soon, perhaps...
But are there cookies?
Quote from: Laurie on February 03, 2018, 12:05:52 AM
But are there cookies?
I'm curious Laurie about your cookie addiction, what is your favorite?
I keep browser cookies to a minimum.
Quote from: Kendra on February 03, 2018, 09:42:38 AM
I keep browser cookies to a minimum.
I browsed a whole box of thin mints last night! 🙇♀️
Quote from: Laurie on February 03, 2018, 12:05:52 AM
But are there cookies?
Dear, of course there are cookies.
I have a bunch of ready to bake cookies made up, including tollhouse, oatmeal chocolate chip, and oatmeal raisin pecan.
There's also apple crisp including a delicious gluten free version, and of course clafoutis can be ready any time.
There's chicken and a bit of steak, veggies, and lots of salad fixings to complement the sweets if you're hungry, various teas and coffee can be ready in minutes.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180203/76e8a6a9c239c38c5d2f34f9eadaecd2.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180203/d62bc6f63cddf091fed9210b51a69206.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180203/9c1f43ad530ef081e489bb06a14633ad.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180203/ee1fe9f040df0743b2c9853920951a4e.jpg)
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Quote from: Michelle_P on February 03, 2018, 11:40:18 AM
Dear, of course there are cookies.
I have a bunch of ready to bake cookies made up, including tollhouse, oatmeal chocolate chip, and oatmeal raisin pecan.
There's also apple crisp including a delicious gluten free version, and of course clafoutis can be ready any time.
There's chicken and a bit of steak, veggies, and lots of salad fixings to complement the sweets if you're hungry, various teas and coffee can be ready in minutes.
Michelle,
Hun, I do believe you are trying to lure me into your den. All those sweet goodies, coffee. whole milk? and some food too! Yep, I'm pretty sure you have some sort of diabolic plan in mind for me as hard as you are trying to tempt me. You even have the batter all made up for fresh baked home made chocolate chip cookies but as everyone knows one needs must have a wide glass of whole milk at hand for dunking.
Note for Jessica - I just answered your question on favorite homemade cookies. For store bought I have been known to consume a whole package of original OREOS or their double stuffed cookies with the obligatory milk of course.
Back to my enchantress, Michelle. I just May have to March myself down that way since it's still February and the eastern passes, like my love life is still frozen. It's a good thing I have a phone number since your address is being kept a secret from me. I mean is the off site rendezvous and blindfold really necessary? I'm not too keen of someone else driving my pickup even if they are your trusted minions.
Mouth watering hugs,
Laurie
Oh, Laurie. No trust at all? Very well.
I've put a lock on the guest bedroom door. No, this one locks and unlocks from INSIDE, so you needn't worry about me hovering over you at 3 AM. ::)
I have a habit of having goodies for everyone. Just ask anyone who dropped by to visit me during my surgery recovery. Tea and freshly baked cookies for everyone, as is my custom.
I seem to have tweaked my back a bit yesterday, but since I had much to do today, I wore a back brace. Well, sort of a brace. Cloth and rubber, 24 strips of spring steel, a bit squeezy; technically a sort of corset, I suppose, but it definitely helped. In a number of ways... :laugh:
I worked with a local ham radio club on a one-day licensing class. I put together the sets of license exams, and headed up a team of examiners to get the paperwork together, exams processed, and lots of happy new radio operators licensed. We had 94 students in the class, and 7 folks drop in to just take exams. Out of 101 exams given, 96 passed and got licenses or upgrades. I felt pretty good about that.
It did make for a long day, though. I'm about ready to head for bed already. After 14 hours in this thing I'm definitely ready for jammies and bed.
Now Michelle,
I know that "I'M injured" ploy. Remember Meieiony employed it to get clemency from me when I hunted her down. Somehow though with you, I'm feeling like the prey. Well I hope you get untweaked soon. And didn't you say something about a corset before? Something about pink ribbons? Oh well I forget what that was all about sorry.
Congrats on the very high percentage of students passing to get their licenses. Jammies? Yes I have a pair of VS striped satin jammies but I usually wear a nightie. Have a good night and sweet dreams Hun.
Hugs,
Laurie
I pass this every time I go to my gender clinic.
Is there anything our Michelle can't do?
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180204/d91455344d6cd04a1785d36a63b90c4a.jpg)
Stephanie
Just what is it about Sadie's on a diet that you girls don't seem to understand ;D
You know how much us Brits love our tea and biscuits. What with Davina and here pies, Laurie with her breakfasts and now you with cookies, I feel that there is a conspiracy going on. Any more of this and I'll post pictures of my plain boiled quinoa. ;D
Seriously it all looks wonderful. :) Hope the back gets better soon.
Peace and love and all that good stuff,
Sadie
Lol!
Sadie, breakfast today was rolled oats and half a bran muffin. Lunch was coffee.
Dinner will be a salad, carrots , green beans, 3 oz chicken breast, and quinoa.
That's how I can afford the occasional treats.
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Why do you boil quinoa? I have to admit I have so little knowledge of it.
I have a tablespoon on my Weetbix and blueberries every morning. I always thought it was eaten like that, sort of non-processed.
My understanding was it acted like 'ball-bearings' for the gut.
We shall now think of something more pleasant thank you.
Quote from: Cindy on February 05, 2018, 12:44:43 AM
Why do you boil quinoa? I have to admit I have so little knowledge of it.
I have a tablespoon on my Weetbix and blueberries every morning. I always thought it was eaten like that, sort of non-processed.
My understanding was it acted like 'ball-bearings' for the gut.
We shall now think of something more pleasant thank you.
Quinoa can be prepared like rice or cracked wheat, 2 parts water to one part quinoa, brought to a boil, simmered covered about 15 minutes, fluffed with a fork and served. It can also be incorporated into other dishes.
I usually treat it like a rice dish, seasoning it as it simmers.
The honey badgers are restless. They seem to sense some change coming...
Should someone show up at Michelle's Nest, I'll have a decision to make. Which accommodations should I provide?
There's the safe and secure room in the sub-basement:
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180207/6dae5395065077039d62d8d7fc4e2bf0.jpg)
Or, the very special suite I have upstairs:
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180207/f9d383701866c3a1f6c65de405ff0c7f.jpg)
Oh, decisions, decisions...
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Hmmm - maybe a poll?
I think the very special suite for a very special lady, needs some fresh flowers though and maybe one of those bucking broncos for her country and western workouts :) Don't feed here quinoa though or you may need the secure room yourself ;D
Peace and love and all of that good stuff,
Sadie
Quote from: Shy on February 07, 2018, 04:26:45 AM
I think the very special suite for a very special lady, needs some fresh flowers though and maybe one of those bucking broncos for her country and western workouts :) Don't feed here quinoa though or you may need the secure room yourself ;D
Peace and love and all of that good stuff,
Sadie
You tell her Sadie. I may be coerced into trying some though since I have never tried it. I mean really how bad can it be, it's not cheesecake.
I'm sitting in a rest area killing time I don't think it would be nice to wake Michelle up at 4:00 am. But I should do it anyway.
Hugs,
Laurie
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Quote from: Laurie on February 07, 2018, 04:43:05 AMI'm sitting in a rest area killing time I don't think it would be nice to wake Michelle up at 4:00 am. But I should do it anyway.
Honey badgers are nocturnal. They'll wake her up long before you can.
Stephanie
Quote from: Laurie on February 07, 2018, 04:43:05 AM
> I'm sitting in a rest area killing time I don't think it would be nice to wake Michelle up at 4:00 am. But I should do it anyway.
Quote from: Steph2.0 on February 07, 2018, 06:15:33 AM
Honey badgers are nocturnal. They'll wake her up long before you can.
Stephanie
Beethoven wrote a nocturnal. I think it was in D major or C badger or something like that. Now you know the rest area of the story.
Quote from: Kendra on February 07, 2018, 06:27:38 AM
Beethoven wrote a nocturnal. I think it was in D major or C badger or something like that. Now you know the rest area of the story.
Ow!
Just... Ow.
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Yummies for the honey badger!
A great way to prepare quinoa:
Roasted Brussels sprouts & Quinoa w/ warm red onion vinaigrette
1# Brussels sprouts, shredded
4 tbs olive oil
Kosher salt
Black pepper
1c. Quinoa
1/2c. Diced red onion
2 tsp. Minced garlic
2 tsp. Red wine vinegar
1/2 tsp. Dijon mustard
1/2 c. Freshly chopped parsley
Preheat oven to 450* and line a sheet pan with parchment paper.
Spread Brussels sprouts over pan, drizzle w/ olive oil and season with salt and pepper
Mix well and roast, 10 min.
Meanwhile, prepare quinoa according to package instructions and drain any excess liquid.
Add 2 tbs. olive oil and mix to coat evenly.
In a large skillet over medium-high heat, toast quinoa until crispy (use a wooden spoon to scrape the bottom of the pan if quinoa begins to stick), then transfer to a large bowl.
Return skillet to medium heat and add remaining 2 fbs. Olive oil, red onion, garlic and season with salt and pepper.
Cook for 3-4 minutes then whisk in vinegar and mustard.
Keep warm till ready to serve.
Add parsley, Brussels sprouts, and vinaigrette to quinoa.
Mix well and serve.
Quote from: Michelle_P on February 07, 2018, 08:12:18 AM
Ow!
Just... Ow.
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Is the coffee ready? This rest stop is freezing.
Gps says an hour and a half. Hopefully I'll be there before you leave.
Hugs,
Laurie
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Quote from: Laurie on February 07, 2018, 08:46:37 AM
Is the coffee ready? This rest stop is freezing.
Gps says an hour and a half. Hopefully I'll be there before you leave.
Hugs,
Laurie
Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk
Made it! Now we are in some unknown location where Michelle followed a friendly lady into a small room and shut the door. I do believe they are conspiring against me.
Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk
Quote from: Laurie on February 07, 2018, 03:42:05 PM
Made it! Now we are in some unknown location where Michelle followed a friendly lady into a small room and shut thr door. I do believe they are conspiring against me.
Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk
It's not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
Stephanie
Hope you are enjoying the visit with Michelle! :-*
Quote from: p on February 08, 2018, 01:55:55 PM
Hope you are enjoying the visit with Michelle! :-*
We're all enjoying having Laurie in the house!
Quote from: Steph2.0 on February 07, 2018, 04:27:52 PM
It's not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
Stephanie
What !!?? Somebody out to get Laurie? Heavens forfend! The badgers and I would never let anything happe to our
captive guest!
Quote from: Michelle_P on February 08, 2018, 02:32:01 PM
We're all enjoying having Laurie in the house!
What !!?? Somebody out to get Laurie? Heavens forfend! The badgers and I would never let anything happe to our captive guest!
I know how to sooth a badger, and I'm gonna get her.
Quote from: Michelle_P on February 08, 2018, 02:32:01 PM
We're all enjoying having Laurie in the house!
What !!?? Somebody out to get Laurie? Heavens forfend! The badgers and I would never let anything happe to our captive guest!
Laurie! Be warned! "Ball gag" does not refer to the "Who's on First" skit!
Stephanie
Quote from: Steph2.0 on February 08, 2018, 04:12:31 PM
Laurie! Be warned! "Ball gag" does not refer to the "Who's on First" skit!
Stephanie
I have nothing to worry about. Stephanie Laurel and Kendra Hardy are nowhere to be seen. Still can't tell who's on first.
Hugs,
Laurie
Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk
Quote from: Steph2.0 on February 08, 2018, 04:12:31 PM
Laurie! Be warned! "Ball gag" does not refer to the "Who's on First" skit!
Stephanie
Are you talking about me? I know that at this stage of my life "ball gag" fits the description but I'm not even there to annoy them.
I'm having fun with my house guest. This afternoon I took Laurie out shopping. First stop was Home Depot, where I needed to pick up a few locking door handles for a little project I'm working on. Then, a quick stop at Trader Joe's to stock up on cheesecake and some delicious soft cheeses. Finally, we stopped at Fry's Electronics where I picked up some very special equipment I'll be configuring and installing shortly. Busy, busy...
We got home, and I fixed lunch and prepared a special treat for my LGBTQ social group, got dressed properly, and took Laurie in hand to head to our social meetup and shopping experience at a local botique. The meetup went well, and much shopping was accomplished. I've picked up more boots, a nice black dress with embroidered hem, and a lovely Calvin Klein black and white jumpsuit. Laurie found some very nice jewelry items there, and one of the staff did a great job of distracting her during our group's planning session. All approved of her, just as I though they would.
We went out for dinner afterward, where I plied her with far too many carbs. We returned to my nest, and, while Laurie drowsed over her keyboard, I attended to a few tasks, installing the new locks on room doors and secreting the keys away in a safe place.
It has been a busy, fun day, after a wonderful several days entertaining my gracious guest. I'll have her all tucked in, all safe and ever so secure in just a little while. Oh, yes. Ever so...
I meant to ask you about the LGBTQ social group meetings yesterday, oh well.
I'm glad you had a good time with Laurie today. Please give her a hug for me before she leaves.
Quote from: Jessica on February 11, 2018, 01:22:58 AM
I meant to ask you about the LGBTQ social group meetings yesterday, oh well.
I'm glad you had a good time with Laurie today. Please give her a hug for me before she leaves.
IF she leaves...
My house guest is well on her way home now. I was absolutely delighted to share a few days of my life with
@Laurie. She just kept insisting that I do whatever I would usually do, and tagged along, so that is more or less what we did.
During her brief stay, we went shopping, did a few walks around town, cooked some meals at my place and enjoyed dining together, had a nice day visiting with
@Jessica, visited my therapist, and even attended a Unitarian Universalist service! Laurie very patiently got through an entire service on patience.
I'll head north this summer and we will meet up again at Astoria Pride. :)
Thank you, Laurie, for coming all this way and sharing my life for a few days.
Be well.
Quote from: Michelle_P on February 12, 2018, 01:33:29 AM
My house guest is well on her way home now. I was absolutely delighted to share a few days of my life with @Laurie. She just kept insisting that I do whatever I would usually do, and tagged along, so that is more or less what we did.
During her brief stay, we went shopping, did a few walks around town, cooked some meals at my place and enjoyed dining together, had a nice day visiting with @Jessica, visited my therapist, and even attended a Unitarian Universalist service! Laurie very patiently got through an entire service on patience.
I'll head north this summer and we will meet up again at Astoria Pride. :)
Thank you, Laurie, for coming all this way and sharing my life for a few days.
Be well.
How could I not come visit you, Michelle? You have invited me so many times trying to help me through this or rather these problems I have only to be turned down over and over because I could not. Now that I can it is only right that I do so. I am paying back a little of the debts I have accrued to so many here on Susan's. People like yourself, Tessa, Kendra, Tia, St((ep)(h)ani)e, Faith,Sephirah, Liz, Cindy, and so many other friends I've worried that care about me.
It was my pleasure to share a bit of your life and Jessica's too.
Thank you,
Laurie
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It was pure joy that I experienced from spending the day with the two of you. You both showed me so much caring and love. I hope to go to the Astoria pride day too.
I am just green with envy over here that you lovely ladies all got to see each other and hang out! Sounds like it was great fun. Pictures? Xoxo :-*
Quote from: Jessica on February 08, 2018, 02:45:26 PM
I know how to sooth a badger, and I'm gonna get her.
The "Trans-sisters" got together!!!!!!
Hi Patti,
We did have fun breaking Jessica in. As far as pictures go Michelle has almost all of those and have already shared most if not all of them. I do have one of my hostess sitting down for the first dinner she cooked me.
https://i.imgur.com/dR3Icw1.jpg[/img]](https://i.imgur.com/dR3Icw1.jpg) (http://[img%20width=225%20height=400)
Quote from: Laurie on February 12, 2018, 02:40:45 PM
Hi Patti,
We did have fun breaking Jessica in. As far as pictures go Michelle has almost all of those and have already shared most if not all of them. I do have one of my hostess sitting down for the first dinner she cooked me.
https://i.imgur.com/dR3Icw1.jpg[/img]](https://i.imgur.com/dR3Icw1.jpg) (http://[img%20width=225%20height=400)
My oh my, is that Brussels sprouts and quinoa?
Quote from: Jessica on February 12, 2018, 02:44:30 PM
My oh my, is that Brussels sprouts and quinoa?
Hi, Jess! Yes, it is, with just minor tweaks on your recipe to accommodate what I had on hand.
Thank you for sharing that!
The actual full dinner menu, and a couple of pictures for the curious, shamelessly ripped from the "What are you having for dinner?" thread":
Tossed greens with Italian dressing
Steak
Jessica's Quinoa and Brussels sprouts
Sautéed Carrots
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180208/99046824cc7cd99f3f4d68ea6c539846.jpg)
Fresh baked cookies and milk for dessert
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180208/ccc260eb187055292f8e7f1352706972.jpg)
I had a couple of other pictures that I had shared in Jessica's thread, that I'll shamelessly crosslink here:
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180209/d7f42e6ed2e906489cb3d9d0b0b1833e.jpg)
Just after lunch at Stanford's downtown Walnut Creek...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180209/619fd9e81a7aa0dd60276c5358fb8e6c.jpg)
And, sitting out in Broadway Plaza outside the Starbucks and Victoria's Secret, chatting for an hour or so. Jessica clipped a new avatar image from this one. I did her makeup as a very light everyday look, basically just enough to look like what I'd expect her skin to resemble after a long period of HRT and electrolysis, a bit softer, smoother, slightly shinier.
Hugs, Michelle
Shortly before Laurie left, my new boarder arrived. Laurie and I got to work prepping Laurie's Room before she arrived, and we both visited with her for a while before Laurie had to leave.
She's settling in now, personal stuff largely in place, and I hop beginning to relax. I took her in because I understand her situation pretty well, and I think I can help her settle in to life in this area after a long move. It is interesting sharing a home with someone, though, after well over a year alone. I'm not sure if I will make the roommate thing a permanent part of my life. I'll try it for a while, certainly, and see how it goes.
Quote from: Michelle_P on February 12, 2018, 04:46:40 PM
Shortly before Laurie left, my new boarder arrived. Laurie and I got to work prepping Laurie's Room before she arrived, and we both visited with her for a while before Laurie had to leave.
She's settling in now, personal stuff largely in place, and I hop beginning to relax. I took her in because I understand her situation pretty well, and I think I can help her settle in to life in this area after a long move. It is interesting sharing a home with someone, though, after well over a year alone. I'm not sure if I will make the roommate thing a permanent part of my life. I'll try it for a while, certainly, and see how it goes.
Having someone live with you after you've been alone is sometimes weird and takes time. We, or least I, would be used to doing things alone and then their is another person. Takes time to adjust.
Quote from: Michelle_P on February 12, 2018, 04:20:01 PM
Hi, Jess! Yes, it is, with just minor tweaks on your recipe to accommodate what I had on hand.
Thank you for sharing that!
The actual full dinner menu, and a couple of pictures for the curious, shamelessly ripped from the "What are you having for dinner?" thread":
Tossed greens with Italian dressing
Steak
Jessica's Quinoa and Brussels sprouts
Sautéed Carrots
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180208/99046824cc7cd99f3f4d68ea6c539846.jpg)
Fresh baked cookies and milk for dessert
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180208/ccc260eb187055292f8e7f1352706972.jpg)
I had a couple of other pictures that I had shared in Jessica's thread, that I'll shamelessly crosslink here:
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180209/d7f42e6ed2e906489cb3d9d0b0b1833e.jpg)
Just after lunch at Stanford's downtown Walnut Creek...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180209/619fd9e81a7aa0dd60276c5358fb8e6c.jpg)
And, sitting out in Broadway Plaza outside the Starbucks and Victoria's Secret, chatting for an hour or so. Jessica clipped a new avatar image from this one. I did her makeup as a very light everyday look, basically just enough to look like what I'd expect her skin to resemble after a long period of HRT and electrolysis, a bit softer, smoother, slightly shinier.
Hugs, Michelle
Aha! The TransSisters!!!!!!
Quote from: Cassi on February 12, 2018, 06:30:10 PM
Aha! The TransSisters!!!!!!
I love that name. Mamas got a squeeze box!
Quote from: Jessica on February 12, 2018, 09:48:02 PM
I love that name. Mamas got a squeeze box!
Yeah, you didn't start the Band so we had to use it for something special!
Quote from: Cassi on February 12, 2018, 10:04:05 PM
Yeah, you didn't start the Band so we had to use it for something special!
We are all Trans-sisters
OMG, what adorable pictures! You three look like you are having lots of fun together. So glad to see our Susan's community gathering in real life! <3
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 20, 2016, 11:30:42 PMonce in motion I'm hard to stop.
you were not lying and so happy to see your thread still so active. :angel:
Beliefs about Healthy Love and Relationships
- A good relationship makes both partners stronger
- Mutual compassion and support are wonderful things, and so...
- We hold mutual respect and support; We accept each other as separate individuals, and support each other in growing
- We communicate easily and openly with each other, and respond with compassion and love
- We accept each others differences; We don't try to change each other
- When conflicts come up, we acknowledge and work with our own triggers, and communicate without blame or self-blame
I'm working through a self-improvement class, and one of the exercises involves establishing beliefs about healthy relationships. These are a result of the classwork, readings, and a bit of past experience, and I thought they might be worth sharing. I can easily see how these apply more broadly in community.
Yes, as Lily Rose notes, a Michelle in motion tends to remain in motion. Forward!
Quote from: Michelle_P on February 20, 2018, 07:58:48 PM
Beliefs about Healthy Love and Relationships
- A good relationship makes both partners stronger
- Mutual compassion and support are wonderful things, and so...
- We hold mutual respect and support; We accept each other as separate individuals, and support each other in growing
- We communicate easily and openly with each other, and respond with compassion and love
- We accept each others differences; We don't try to change each other
- When conflicts come up, we acknowledge and work with our own triggers, and communicate without blame or self-blame
I'm working through a self-improvement class, and one of the exercises involves establishing beliefs about healthy relationships. These are a result of the classwork, readings, and a bit of past experience, and I thought they might be worth sharing. I can easily see how these apply more broadly in community.
Yes, as Lily Rose notes, a Michelle in motion tends to remain in motion. Forward!
Ummmm Michelle,
I don't see anything there about honey badgers, eye bolts with straps in the ceiling, or addictive dark elixirs. I know we have a relationship. I mean you did feed me cookies after all, but does this mean you don't love me no more? (hmmm what??? must be residual for the dark elixir)
And yes Lily Rose She does tend to stay on the go. I know because she dragged me with her while I was under her spell last week.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Michelle_P on February 20, 2018, 07:58:48 PM
Beliefs about Healthy Love and Relationships
- A good relationship makes both partners stronger
- Mutual compassion and support are wonderful things, and so...
- We hold mutual respect and support; We accept each other as separate individuals, and support each other in growing
- We communicate easily and openly with each other, and respond with compassion and love
- We accept each others differences; We don't try to change each other
- When conflicts come up, we acknowledge and work with our own triggers, and communicate without blame or self-blame
This is a great list. I definitely think this encapsulates so much of what a good relationship is and does for the partners involved. I struggle with that last bullet point sometimes as I was raised with more of a "you're making me feel bad so I will yell at you instead of examining why I am feeling so awful right now and working through that with you" kind of mentality. Thanks for sharing!
The list seems to cover all manner of relationships, really. This comes from the homework and reading I am doing as part of a class aimed primarily at the lesbian community.
I wish I could do this as easily as I wrote this. [emoji20]
It's not easy to find the strength and clarity of thought in the middle of emotional storms. I'm trying, though.
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I'm running around San Diego this weekend visiting with my son. This is a nice walkable town. I'm in Little Italy, with lots of coffee places and cute little restaurants, and a couple blocks from the waterfront.
Last night I walked over to the Gaslight District, where we met up for a ridiculously good steakhouse dinner. (Happy birthday, son!) We chatted for hours. He's a busy person and dedicated to making the world a better place. I am very proud of him.
Today we will just play it by ear. No plans really.
That's ok. I seem to be a natural born tourist and am just meandering about the area.
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map in hand and camera around neck ??????
Quote from: Michelle_P on February 24, 2018, 11:23:21 AM
Last night I walked over to the Gaslight District, where we met up for a ridiculously good steakhouse dinner. (Happy birthday, son!) We chatted for hours. He's a busy person and dedicated to making the world a better place. I am very proud of him.
Fleming's?
Quote from: Jessica on February 24, 2018, 03:11:21 PM
Fleming's?
No, no. Greystone's, a really old-school steakhouse. I actually had a pork chop that was prepared perfectly. Jason had the steak, all very nicely aged (in-house) and prepared properly. The salads, sides, and desserts were also excellent.
I believe that's just around the corner. Sounds wonderful! Glad your having fun with your son!
I'm back from San Diego where I had a wonderful time. As folks who have seen my Facebook page have noted, I dined well. In fact, I gained 7 pounds. Mostly water, I'm ever so sure.
I'm back home, cooking, preparing for events and a guest I expect in the next few days, writing, and preparing my tax returns. Last year was... complicated... with a gender change, name change, and divorce.
Still, life goes on.
I had a medical appointment today, a GCS followup. No real problems, things have healed with good symmetry, and I can pee straight. (Seriously. A real issue that comes up.)
My roommate is new to the area so I brought her along for her first BART ride, first MUNI ride, first Union Square shopping expedition, first cable car ride and first REAL Italian dinner.
Wheee! She's falling asleep on the train home.
Real life goes on...
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I'm glad you had a great time down south, and what fun in the City!
Quote from: Jessica on February 28, 2018, 11:19:31 PM
I'm glad you had a great time down south, and what fun in the City!
I'm waiting to hear about her visit to TJ :)
You are expecting another visitor? Open door policy or revolving?
I have girl scout cookies do they count?
Quote from: Laurie on March 01, 2018, 12:16:52 AM
You are expecting another visitor? Open door policy or revolving?
I have girl scout cookies do they count?
Michelle, do I need to get makeup sooner than later?
Quote from: Jessica on March 01, 2018, 12:29:33 AM
Michelle, do I need to get makeup sooner than later?
Well, could be, could be.
I knew I had this around somewhere. Here's the makeup drill I used earlier in transition before HRT and 190 hours of electrolysis changed things a bit.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,217010.msg1921004.html#msg1921004 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,217010.msg1921004.html#msg1921004)
Quote from: Laurie on March 01, 2018, 12:16:52 AM
You are expecting another visitor? Open door policy or revolving?
I have girl scout cookies do they count?
The honey badgers are restless. That's usually a sign.
Fortunately I now have an apprentice in the Dark Arts to assist in properly tending to any guests I may capture.
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 01, 2018, 01:25:58 AM
Well, could be, could be.
I knew I had this around somewhere. Here's the makeup drill I used earlier in transition before HRT and 190 hours of electrolysis changed things a bit.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,217010.msg1921004.html#msg1921004 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,217010.msg1921004.html#msg1921004)
Thank you Michelle, a darker shade is what you thought I may need. I will go shopping now.
It appears that the whole wheat Tollhouse cookie variation is an excellent bait. I've caught an interloper in one of the traps I placed in the garage.
Robyn and I are now interrogating and truth be told, toying with our new guest in The Facility, We have been evaluating varying positions for their efficacy in controlling our guest, SO far it appears that potion Number Nine is the most effective,
Additional research is needed, particularly on the effect on sleep patterns. Our studies continue.
My guest has escaped. The minions will be relocated to the Pit of Despair. Most annoying...
Meanwhile, back on Earth, today is the 10th anniversary of my retirement. It is also the second anniversary of the week of my coming apart at the seams, first hotline call, getting my first therapist appointment, and coming out (badly).
Yuck.
I'm doing much better now, fortunately.
From 3,276 posts ago, my first post here (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,204983.msg1828231.html#msg1828231)...
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 07, 2018, 11:15:44 AM
My guest has escaped. The minions will be relocated to the Pit of Despair. Most annoying...
Meanwhile, back on Earth, today is the 10th anniversary of my retirement. It is also the second anniversary of the week of my coming apart at the seams, first hotline call, getting my first therapist appointment, and coming out (badly).
Yuck.
I'm doing much better now, fortunately.
From 3,276 posts ago, my first post here (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,204983.msg1828231.html#msg1828231)...
Congrats on 10 years of freedom.
Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk
And congratulations to you on your 10 hours of (current) freedom. :D
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 07, 2018, 12:28:02 PM
And congratulations to you on your 10 hours of (current) freedom. :D
Hugs, Devlyn
Speaking of which, is Laurie still outside Bari Jo's?
Michelle, congrats on 2 years since coming out!!! Big hugs :-*
"I haven't come out to anyone yet, and will try to get some good guidance before I do anything that might blow up my life."
If there were any explosions they were just part of the construction of the road your on. Obstacles creating uphill challenges then steep downhills need to be smoothed out for a trip that is already bumpy enough.
You are an inspiration and your life is definitely wonderful!
Hugs, Jess
Okay, no more human traffic'n - it's illegal!
A Kaiser NorCal Surgery scheduler just called. Facial feminization surgery (FFS) with Dr Klineberger, who I consider to be their top FFS surgeon, is on for August 28, 2018. This year!
I almost fainted. Oh, finally all this testosterone damage will be reversed!
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Woop Woop!
Congrats!!!!!
Yays! Good news. X
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
YES! I am so happy for you.
Congrats Michelle
Congrats Michelle! I am sure that the time will fly by!
Oh gosh... I have goosebumps*! So happy for you Michelle!
Stephanie
* No, not talking about my chest, smart-Allie.
Wow how good is that...with your new look and new groove I guess we will see you setting the local social scene on fire!
Congratulations hope it goes brilliantly for you
Take Care
Liz
Michelle, I am so happy for you. This journey continues to take amazing turns, congratulations on getting definition of such an important step.
Tia Anne
But you looked fine to me when I was there. ..
Oh alright, congratulations Hun. I know it is important to you. I am glad you have a date set for it.
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Congratulations Michelle!
I have to agree with Laurie..... you looked fine to me when we saw you.
If you need any help let me know!
Hugs, Jess
Thank you, everyone! (My apologies, but I'm not going to quote and reply to every post. This thing would go on and on... And I'm already getting sleepy!)
I'm hoping the FFS will undo much of the damage started by that damn testosterone I got starting at age 15. I'm hoping it removes the more obvious 'tells', straight low brows, frontal bone bossae and supraorbital rims, the long nose and upper lip, cheekbones and jawline, and that Adam's Apple.
Most folks in real life that know me don't realize the amount of makeup work that I tend to do before they see me. Those who saw me in hospital were surprised, and several commented that they didn't know I used makeup. I do, and there is quite a bit of contouring involved in producing my 'daily look', aimed at altering forehead, tells at the brow, altering the nose appearance, and rounding the jawline.
I'd love to be able to go to the mailbox or grab an early breakfast without makeup, and not be misgendered.
I feel so special!
My Unitarian Universalist Church is doing a ceremony on March 25, part of the runup to the Transgender Day of Visibility, to recognize the chosen names and correct pronouns of members who are transitioning. Both adults and youth will be participating. This will be my first service as a Worship Associate, running about getting all the details right, calling to worship, and speaking from the chancel.
Outside, on the street, we will be recognized by the Westboro Baptist Church, a hate-based religious group composed of the late Fred Phelp's family. It's nice that our efforts and community support are being more widely seen and recognized. What a way to start my service activity!
Expect a flight of 'angels' to shelter all under their wings...
https://www.uuworld.org/articles/uuaga16-westboro-counterprotest (https://www.uuworld.org/articles/uuaga16-westboro-counterprotest)
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 15, 2018, 09:12:59 AM
> My Unitarian Universalist Church is doing a ceremony on March 25, part of the runup to the Transgender Day of Visibility, to recognize the chosen names and correct pronouns of members who are transitioning. Both adults and youth will be participating. This will be my first service as a Worship Associate, running about getting all the details right, calling to worship, and speaking from the chancel.
This is awesome!
Quote from: Kendra on March 15, 2018, 09:44:32 AM
This is awesome!
Kendra, everything this past year has been awesome! Finally being out, living full time as myself, communicating, having close, dear friends, the activism, the self-discovery, all has been awesome.
I was a mess before, and am doing so much better now. I'm finally, really, alive!
You appeared to be alive while I was there. Both times even.
Hugs,
Laurie
Agreement with Laurie again, and you seemed happy.
Where is the UU church located at? I'll try to be there.
Hugs, Jess
Quote from: Laurie on March 15, 2018, 02:16:13 PM
You appeared to be alive while I was there. Both times even.
Hugs,
Laurie
Most definitely. Very much alive. ;) Perhaps even peak aliveness. Aliveosity?
Yay Metta...
May I be happy.
May I know my true worth.
May I know that I am lovable.
May I love myself with ease.
Quote from: Jessica on March 15, 2018, 02:29:47 PM
Agreement with Laurie again, and you seemed happy.
Where is the UU church located at? I'll try to be there.
Hugs, Jess
This is at Mt. Diablo Unitarian Universalist Church (https://www.google.com/maps/place/55+Eckley+Ln,+Walnut+Creek,+CA+94596/@37.8996618,-122.0473322,17z/data=!3m1!4b1!4m5!3m4!1s0x808561cebe241d23:0x9caf8874a842082f!8m2!3d37.8996618!4d-122.0451435), 55 Eckley Ln, in Walnut Creek, CA 94596. (Link goes to a map)
Note that engaging with the Westboro 'Baptist' folks is a Bad Idea. They appear to live off of litigation proceeds, and their activities are designed to provoke actions that they can then use as grounds for litigation. Their whole 'hate-based faith' schtick is an excuse to provoke people. Don't play into their scam!
Their little schedule has them there for a whole 30 minutes before our first service at 9:15 March 25, then they'll pile into their minivan and try to provoke people at another location.
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 15, 2018, 04:38:26 PM
This is at Mt. Diablo Unitarian Universalist Church (https://www.google.com/maps/place/55+Eckley+Ln,+Walnut+Creek,+CA+94596/@37.8996618,-122.0473322,17z/data=!3m1!4b1!4m5!3m4!1s0x808561cebe241d23:0x9caf8874a842082f!8m2!3d37.8996618!4d-122.0451435), 55 Eckley Ln, in Walnut Creek, CA 94596. (Link goes to a map)
Note that engaging with the Westboro 'Baptist' folks is a Bad Idea. They appear to live off of litigation proceeds, and their activities are designed to provoke actions that they can then use as grounds for litigation. Their whole 'hate-based faith' schtick is an excuse to provoke people. Don't play into their scam!
Their little schedule has them there for a whole 30 minutes before our first service at 9:15 March 25, then they'll pile into their minivan and try to provoke people at another location.
I looked up the Westboro folks after reading your comment about them. I am a firm believer in the freedoms we have and share. I however don't have much tolerance of those who by their actions do harm to others.
Hi Michelle
I think your Church response to the Westboro folks was brilliant. Overwhelm them with love and understanding unlike their message of hate. Its a very sad little cult and I feel very sorry for those trapped inside.
Quote from: Cassi on March 15, 2018, 04:54:14 PM
I looked up the Westboro folks after reading your comment about them. I am a firm believer in the freedoms we have and share. I however don't have much tolerance of those who by their actions do harm to others.
With Freedom of speech comes responsibility...unfortunately they don't understand that part.
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 15, 2018, 04:27:58 PM
Most definitely. Very much alive. ;) Perhaps even peak aliveness. Aliveosity?
Yay Metta...
Yes..yes..yes.. Aliveosity love it
Take care
Liz
Inspirational 😊
Quote from: ElizabethK on March 18, 2018, 01:58:06 AM
Hi Michelle
I think your Church response to the Westboro folks was brilliant. Overwhelm them with love and understanding unlike their message of hate. Its a very sad little cult and I feel very sorry for those trapped inside.
With Freedom of speech comes responsibility...unfortunately they don't understand that part.
Yes..yes..yes.. Aliveosity love it
Take care
Liz
True, like the old example of yelling fire in a crowded theatre.
And even more twists and turns...
I did another 2 hours of electrolysis Monday. Ow. But, my face was completely cleared in the session. Yay! That is a great feeling.
I'm doing a vegetarian dinner for at least 50 on Saturday, with salad, sides, and dessert. That is keeping me pretty busy right there. I have a killer vegan+gluten free chocolate chip cookie recipie I'm trying out. They are rich little cookies, though. About 140 calories for each little cookie! Sweet potato casserole, also vegan and gluten free, and cornbread, both a vegan+gluten free version and a vegetarian (egg and cheese) version.
Then Sunday I have my first shot at being Worship Associate, which has me very nervous. So many details to get right!
And then there's my personal life, which I need to talk about. I have a recent change...
My girlfriend.
Just being able to type that makes me happy! This had been an unexpected development for both of us. We are trans women, lesbian in orientation, and in our 60s. That is effectively three strikes against us. Neither of us expected to meet someone. I certainly never expected to meet someone who would have the romantic interest in me that I need to connect. (I'm a demisexual (https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/demisexual) as part of my orientation.). I never expected to fall for someone, and have them fall for me.
But, in spite of the odds, for some reason, it happened.
We've got these ridiculously strong feelings toward each other, but really don't quite know what to do with them. Since they surfaced, she's left on an extended trip, but we communicate several times a day. Neither of us knows where this will lead, what we should do next, or any of that practical stuff. We are both just enjoying the ride, being able to experience feelings that I thought were dead and gone the past 40 years.
It's one heck of a ride. Thank you,
@Laurie !
Yes. THAT Laurie. The one the honey badgers tracked down. The one who put Stephanie on the fridge. Our Laurie, for reasons beyond my understanding, is romantically attracted to me, and I to her.
It defies explanation. So, I won't bother. It just is.
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 21, 2018, 12:20:03 AM
And even more twists and turns...
I did another 2 hours of electrolysis Monday. Ow. But, my face was completely cleared in the session. Yay! That is a great feeling.
I'm doing a vegetarian dinner for at least 50 on Saturday, with salad, sides, and dessert. That is keeping me pretty busy right there. I have a killer vegan+gluten free chocolate chip cookie recipie I'm trying out. They are rich little cookies, though. About 140 calories for each little cookie! Sweet potato casserole, also vegan and gluten free, and cornbread, both a vegan+gluten free version and a vegetarian (egg and cheese) version.
Then Sunday I have my first shot at being Worship Associate, which has me very nervous. So many details to get right!
And then there's my personal life, which I need to talk about. I have a recent change...
My girlfriend.
Just being able to type that makes me happy! This had been an unexpected development for both of us. We are trans women, lesbian in orientation, and in our 60s. That is effectively three strikes against us. Neither of us expected to meet someone. I certainly never expected to meet someone who would have the romantic interest in me that I need to connect. (I'm a demisexual (https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/demisexual) as part of my orientation.). I never expected to fall for someone, and have them fall for me.
But, in spite of the odds, for some reason, it happened.
We've got these ridiculously strong feelings toward each other, but really don't quite know what to do with them. Since they surfaced, she's left on an extended trip, but we communicate several times a day. Neither of us knows where this will lead, what we should do next, or any of that practical stuff. We are both just enjoying the ride, being able to experience feelings that I thought were dead and gone the past 40 years.
It's one heck of a ride. Thank you, @Laurie !
Yes. THAT Laurie. The one the honey badgers tracked down. The one who put Stephanie on the fridge. Our Laurie, for reasons beyond my understanding, is romantically attracted to me, and I to her.
It defies explanation. So, I won't bother. It just is.
That's great! Now you can rein in that girl, lock up her truck and domesticate her. And maybe work on her Ice Box Fetish :)
Best to you both!!!!!!
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 21, 2018, 12:20:03 AM
And even more twists and turns...
I did another 2 hours of electrolysis Monday. Ow. But, my face was completely cleared in the session. Yay! That is a great feeling.
I'm doing a vegetarian dinner for at least 50 on Saturday, with salad, sides, and dessert. That is keeping me pretty busy right there. I have a killer vegan+gluten free chocolate chip cookie recipie I'm trying out. They are rich little cookies, though. About 140 calories for each little cookie! Sweet potato casserole, also vegan and gluten free, and cornbread, both a vegan+gluten free version and a vegetarian (egg and cheese) version.
Then Sunday I have my first shot at being Worship Associate, which has me very nervous. So many details to get right!
And then there's my personal life, which I need to talk about. I have a recent change...
My girlfriend.
Just being able to type that makes me happy! This had been an unexpected development for both of us. We are trans women, lesbian in orientation, and in our 60s. That is effectively three strikes against us. Neither of us expected to meet someone. I certainly never expected to meet someone who would have the romantic interest in me that I need to connect. (I'm a demisexual (https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/demisexual) as part of my orientation.). I never expected to fall for someone, and have them fall for me.
But, in spite of the odds, for some reason, it happened.
We've got these ridiculously strong feelings toward each other, but really don't quite know what to do with them. Since they surfaced, she's left on an extended trip, but we communicate several times a day. Neither of us knows where this will lead, what we should do next, or any of that practical stuff. We are both just enjoying the ride, being able to experience feelings that I thought were dead and gone the past 40 years.
It's one heck of a ride. Thank you, @Laurie !
Yes. THAT Laurie. The one the honey badgers tracked down. The one who put Stephanie on the fridge. Our Laurie, for reasons beyond my understanding, is romantically attracted to me, and I to her.
It defies explanation. So, I won't bother. It just is.
Yep, she put a spell on me. Michelle is my reason to live.
Hugs,
Laurie
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Quote from: Laurie on March 21, 2018, 12:41:33 AM
Yep, she put a spell on me. Michelle is my reason to live.
Hugs,
Laurie
Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk
Again, I'm soooooooooooooo happy for you both. But, if I may be so bold to make a suggestion?
If, your Frig desires start popping up, at the very least get a queen size mattress and both be on top of the frig!!!!!!
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 21, 2018, 12:20:03 AM
And even more twists and turns...
I did another 2 hours of electrolysis Monday. Ow. But, my face was completely cleared in the session. Yay! That is a great feeling.
I'm doing a vegetarian dinner for at least 50 on Saturday, with salad, sides, and dessert. That is keeping me pretty busy right there. I have a killer vegan+gluten free chocolate chip cookie recipie I'm trying out. They are rich little cookies, though. About 140 calories for each little cookie! Sweet potato casserole, also vegan and gluten free, and cornbread, both a vegan+gluten free version and a vegetarian (egg and cheese) version.
Then Sunday I have my first shot at being Worship Associate, which has me very nervous. So many details to get right!
And then there's my personal life, which I need to talk about. I have a recent change...
My girlfriend.
Just being able to type that makes me happy! This had been an unexpected development for both of us. We are trans women, lesbian in orientation, and in our 60s. That is effectively three strikes against us. Neither of us expected to meet someone. I certainly never expected to meet someone who would have the romantic interest in me that I need to connect. (I'm a demisexual (https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/demisexual) as part of my orientation.). I never expected to fall for someone, and have them fall for me.
But, in spite of the odds, for some reason, it happened.
We've got these ridiculously strong feelings toward each other, but really don't quite know what to do with them. Since they surfaced, she's left on an extended trip, but we communicate several times a day. Neither of us knows where this will lead, what we should do next, or any of that practical stuff. We are both just enjoying the ride, being able to experience feelings that I thought were dead and gone the past 40 years.
It's one heck of a ride. Thank you, @Laurie !
Yes. THAT Laurie. The one the honey badgers tracked down. The one who put Stephanie on the fridge. Our Laurie, for reasons beyond my understanding, is romantically attracted to me, and I to her.
It defies explanation. So, I won't bother. It just is.
OMG, I'm so very, very happy for you both!!!
Two of my closest trans friends that I have met in person are an item!!
Why did you not tell me??
Huge hugs! My eyes are leaking Laurie, are you surprised?
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 21, 2018, 12:20:03 AM
It's one heck of a ride. Thank you, @Laurie !
Yes. THAT Laurie. The one the honey badgers tracked down. The one who put Stephanie on the fridge. Our Laurie, for reasons beyond my understanding, is romantically attracted to me, and I to her.
This makes me so happy that I can hardly stand it! Well, not the fridge part, but the rest is just awesome!
Congratulations you two!
- Stephanie
Quote from: Steph2.0 on March 21, 2018, 12:58:44 AM
This makes me so happy that I can hardly stand it! Well, not the fridge part, but the rest is just awesome!
Congratulations you two!
- Stephanie
Isn't it great!!!!! I just hope that they get a queen mattress and share the top of the frig together!
Omg, Michelle, Laurie! I'm so happy for you both!
M & L are sitting in a tree, K - I - S - S - I - N - G!
....
On a fridge?? Well do as you will, I like the arboreal version, I guess I'm just a traditionalist?
Really am so happy for you both, I guess I already said that however :-)
Warm Hugs from chilly Cambridge
Lovely!!!!!!!!
Peace and love and all that good stuff to both of you, now and for always. :)
Sadie
Oh, wow, there's a plot twist I didn't see coming! That's wonderful! I am so happy for you both.
Wow! Congratulations, and soooo happy!
What a great update Michelle, congratulations ladies!!! So happy to hear you found someone special to share yourself/life with (:
Why does Grace Slick singing "Somebody to love" keep popping into my head when I think of these two??????
Now that's why you should never give up on life as you never know what the future holds, congrats ladies virtual bunch of flowers and a cake from me.
Quote from: Cassi on March 21, 2018, 01:56:22 PM
Why does Grace Slick singing "Somebody to love" keep popping into my head when I think of these two??????
Don't you want somebody to love? Don't you need somebody to love?
You better find somebody to love!
How wonderful, Laurie and Michelle!
:o :o :o :o
YYYYEEEEAAAAHHHH!!!! Michelle and Laurie!
With this, us unattached find a glimmer of hope.
:'( :'( :'(
;D ;D ;D
Grace Slick, Jefferson Airplane? Oh, my, I saw them playing at Winterland so many times. First time was at the Human Be-In, where I was a 14 year old girl. (This was in the period where I'd flee the East Bay; "Mom, going to see a friend, back late!", hop on the bus, pay an extra dime for a trans-Bay transfer, and go over to San Francisco. When I got there, I'd duck into a restroom and presto-chango, a 14 year old girl walked out after I changed my top.)
Goood times! Dinners with some random tribe in The Haight, great music, totally accepted as is.
"You better find somebody to love!"
OK, check!
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 22, 2018, 01:50:21 AM
Grace Slick, Jefferson Airplane? Oh, my, I saw them playing at Winterland so many times. First time was at the Human Be-In, where I was a 14 year old girl. (This was in the period where I'd flee the East Bay; "Mom, going to see a friend, back late!", hop on the bus, pay an extra dime for a trans-Bay transfer, and go over to San Francisco. When I got there, I'd duck into a restroom and presto-chango, a 14 year old girl walked out after I changed my top.)
Goood times! Dinners with some random tribe in The Haight, great music, totally accepted as is.
"You better find somebody to love!"
OK, check!
I loved Winterland...."have your tickets out and ready"!
Can't tell you how many concerts I saw there.
Mostly the Grateful Dead!
Quote from: Jessica on March 22, 2018, 07:48:10 AM
I loved Winterland...."have your tickets out and ready"!
Can't tell you how many concerts I saw there.
Mostly the Grateful Dead!
Winterland, the Airplane, the Dead! I am so jealous! My parents wouldn't even let me go to see Festival Express (Grateful Dead, Janis Joplin, and others) when it came to Calgary.
Quote from: KathyLauren on March 22, 2018, 10:53:02 AM
Winterland, the Airplane, the Dead! I am so jealous! My parents wouldn't even let me go to see Festival Express (Grateful Dead, Janis Joplin, and others) when it came to Calgary.
Oh my, deprived of history! Unfortunately I missed Janis and Jimi. I was just coming into that scene in my first year of high school when they both died.
I attended the California Jam, left just before nightfall due to people shooting bottle rockets at the Goodyear Blimp. Kept getting images of the Hindenburg on fire, lol. Some of the groups were:
Performers
Acts that performed at the festival in order of appearance:
Rare Earth
Earth, Wind & Fire
Eagles
Seals and Crofts
Black Oak Arkansas
Black Sabbath
Deep Purple
Emerson, Lake & Palmer
Deep Purple's performance was one of the first with their third line-up, which included the vocalist David Coverdale and the vocalist/bassist Glenn Hughes. Deep Purple was given the choice of when to go on stage, and chose to go on during sunset, thus pushing Emerson, Lake & Palmer to the last performance. Assuming that, as with all festivals, the show would run late anyway, they still waited when the festival was actually ahead of schedule. Angry concert organizers tried to force Deep Purple to go onstage, and then threatened to cancel their performance. A quick thinking announcer told the crowds that Deep Purple would be coming on "soon". The band made concertgoers wait nearly an hour until near dusk before they went on stage. Richie Blackmore, the Deep Purple lead guitarist, has said the concert agreement at Cal Jam was always for Deep Purple to go on stage at dusk, and concert promoters were in violation of a signed agreement. In spite of this delay, the show did not end up running late.[3] At the end of their concert, guitarist Ritchie Blackmore threw a guitar, and a small speaker monitor out into the audience, and suddenly attacked one of the network's video cameras (the camera had been getting between Blackmore and the audience) with a guitar. Later on, a mishap with a pyrotechnic effect caused one of Blackmore's amplifiers to explode, which briefly set the stage on fire. Deep Purple left the concert area by helicopter to avoid a possible confrontation with Ontario fire marshals and ABC-TV executives. The damage to the ABC video camera was estimated to be $10,000, later settled by the band managers.
The weather on the day of the Cal Jam concert was unusually warm for April. At one point in the late afternoon, thousands of plastic gallon jugs were handed out to the audience, who were able to fill the jugs up at the many drinking fountains set up on the grounds. During the prolonged delay waiting for Deep Purple to hit the stage, restless concert goers began tossing their water jugs in the air. More and more of the audience joined in, until the air above the crowd was filled with hundreds of water jugs flying around, spraying water over the audience.
Deep Purple's California Jam performance, along with some of the performances by other bands, was broadcast on TV and radio nationwide in the US. It was at this festival that the footage of Keith Emerson playing a grand piano spinning end-over-end 50 feet above the ground was taken.
Attendance and technology
This section does not cite any sources. Please help improve this section by adding citations to reliable sources. Unsourced material may be challenged and removed. (July 2013) (Learn how and when to remove this template message)
Branker Jam I.jpg
The concert set a record for the largest paid attendance at such an event. Although more people attended the festival at Woodstock in New York, only a few thousand had purchased tickets.
Another record established at California Jam was for the largest (most powerful) concert sound system ever assembled, particularly from the demands of Deep Purple, who were identified as the "loudest band in the world" by the Guinness Book of World Records. Tycobrahe Sound Company combined the touring systems of Deep Purple, Black Oak Arkansas, Black Sabbath, Earth Wind and Fire, and Rare Earth (each manufactured by Tycobrahe),[citation needed] plus 16 feet (4.9 m) bass horns from Phoenix Sound and several folded bass horns from Flag Systems. Total power was 54,000 watts RMS, provided by a number of BFA-2000 amplifiers, manufactured by Tycobrahe.
The Goodyear blimp hovering overhead was a first for a music festival.[citation needed] Deep Purple arrived for the concert in their own chartered jet, the Starship, with their name painted on the plane's sides, the first time a major band arrived specifically for a music festival in their own plane.
So more on topic but not veering.....
@Michelle_P, do you recall the first concert at Winterland?
This was mine!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8mFEBnAImY
Wild days when we were young!
Do you miss them?
Never left them, just doing it differently!
Jess
Oh my! Let me put in an update. While yes, I was at that New Years show, I realized that my actual first time at Winterland was earlier in my fuzzy teens at a different New Years show
31 December 1969
Winterland, San Francisco, CA
Jefferson Airplane, Quicksilver, Sons Of Champlin, Hot Tuna Lights: Brotherhood Of Light
Young, Dumb, and full of fun (aka stupidity and lucky to have made it thru it) with super powers, lol.
Winterland, the Avalon ballroom, the Fillmore Auditorium and occasionally down to Santa Cruz to the Catalyst and have to toss in the Cow Palace for the Stones in 1966?? Janis, the Airplane, Quicksilver, Commander Cody and the Lost Planet Airmen. The smaller venues for Joan Baez, Peter Paul and Mary, Pete Seager, Taj Mahal, Sonny Terry and Brownie McGee, Lightning Hopkins, John Stewart. A lot more but the drugs have had their effect with my memory.
But wow Michelle, I did it as a stoned hippie guy without a clue, YOU did as yourself, a girl! You rock girl.
Tia Anne
Quote from: Anne Blake on March 22, 2018, 01:07:09 PM
Winterland, the Avalon balloon, the Fillmore Auditorium and occasionally down to Santa Cruz to the Catalyst and have to toss in the Cow Palace for the Stones in 1966?? Janis, the Airplane, Quicksilver, Commander Cody and the Lost Planet Airmen. The smaller venues for Joan Baez, Peter Paul and Mary, Pete Seager, Taj Mahal, Sonny Terry and Brownie McGee, Lightning Hopkins, John Stewart. A lot more but the drugs have had their effect with my memory.
But wow Michelle, I did it as a stoned hippie guy without a clue, YOU did as yourself, a girl! You rock girl.
Tia Anne
I would have never guessed this Anne :)
Quote from: Jessica on March 22, 2018, 11:54:33 AM
So more on topic but not veering.....
@Michelle_P, do you recall the first concert at Winterland?
This was mine!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8mFEBnAImY
Wild days when we were young!
Do you miss them?
Never left them, just doing it differently!
Jess
Oh my! Let me put in an update. While yes, I was at that New Years show, I realized that my actual first time at Winterland was earlier in my fuzzy teens at a different New Years show
31 December 1969
Winterland, San Francisco, CA
Jefferson Airplane, Quicksilver, Sons Of Champlin, Hot Tuna Lights: Brotherhood Of Light
Notice how my memory skipped 5 years
Everybody posting here is making me feel really old. I saw Jimmy Dean, Al Hirt, Herb Alpert and if memory serves me correctly, Ertha Kitt with one of the memorable songs being Wabash Cannon ball. The one rock concert I attended I don't even remember who was playing because there was so much cigarette smoke (an possibly some pot smoke) in the Colliseum (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arizona_Veterans_Memorial_Coliseum) that it hung like a cloud above the act. We couldn't get a seat below the cloud so I was paying more attention to trying to breath that to the act.
Love all the California girls here!
Yes I saw the Dead a few times and Jerry Garcia at catalyst was quite something. Hendrix and Joplin both died too young for me to see them :-(.
Quote from: SadieBlake on March 22, 2018, 07:22:46 PM
Love all the California girls here!
Yes I saw the Dead a few times and Jerry Garcia at catalyst was quite something. Hendrix and Joplin both died too young for me to see them :-(.
The Catalyst is legend!
At the Dead shows I always wanted to be one of the spinner girls.
I had hair to the small of my back and when I would spin with them my hair would go straight out. I always got too dizzy, from that and other things!
But enough of high jacking Michelle's thread!
Back to Michelle and the Honey Badgers and how they pursued the "Laurie"
Quote from: Jessica on March 22, 2018, 07:40:51 PM
But enough of high jacking Michelle's thread!
Back to Michelle and the Honey Badgers and how they pursued the "Laurie"
To start with, I believe Michelle knew the true color of Laurie's vehicle!!!!!!
Quote from: Cassi on March 22, 2018, 09:42:00 PM
To start with, I believe Michelle knew the true color of Laurie's vehicle!!!!!!
And so did I! Mistress Michelle now allows me the warmer quarters sleeping with the Honey Badgers for keeping mum!
Quote from: Jessica on March 22, 2018, 10:45:50 PM
And so did I! Mistress Michelle now allows me the warmer quarters sleeping with the Honey Badgers for keeping mum!
So, are you this new accomplice known as Becky?
Quote from: Cassi on March 23, 2018, 12:13:28 AM
So, are you this new accomplice known as Becky?
You will refer to me as Lady Jessica if you insist on speaking to me in that tone!
And I am a loyal minion of mistress Michelle!
Quote from: Jessica on March 23, 2018, 01:08:24 AM
You will refer to me as Lady Jessica if you insist on speaking to me in that tone!
And I am a loyal minion of mistress Michelle!
LMAO. So Lady Jessica of Minion, are you this Becky?
Well, this thread exploded...
Quote from: Anne Blake on March 22, 2018, 01:07:09 PM
But wow Michelle, I did it as a stoned hippie guy without a clue, YOU did as yourself, a girl! You rock girl.
Tia Anne
I'd take off, shouting that I was going to a friend's, would be out late, and hop on the bus. For an extra dime I got a trans-Bay transfer, and hopped on a bus to San Francisco. On arriving, I'd duck into a restroom and swap a t-shirt for a BoHo embroidered tunic. With the flared pants and boots, I was there, Michelle the 14 year old hippie girl.
I hung out in the Haight or Tendeloin, made some interesting friends. I got some stern guidance from Tamara Ching (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tamara_Ching). I ate meals with some of the tribes in the Haight. I stuffed inserts in the San Francisco Oracle. And the music! Oh, word would run through the neighborhood about a free concert in the morning, and by mid-afternoon there would be thousands of folks on the Polo Field in Golden Gate Park.
Jefferson Airplane, Quicksilver Messenger Service, Hot Tuna... Sometimes all on the same bill!
Wonderful times.
Quote from: Jessica on March 22, 2018, 02:39:08 PM
Notice how my memory skipped 5 years
Goooooood stuff, huh? Wooooooooow....
Quote from: Jessica on March 22, 2018, 11:54:33 AM
So more on topic but not veering.....
@Michelle_P, do you recall the first concert at Winterland?
I'm pretty sure Jefferson Airplane was on the bill, but I don't know who else might have been playing. If I didn't care for the band I would head for the balcony and find something else to... do... (Before the balcony turned into a t-shirt and poster shop!)
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 23, 2018, 01:38:12 AMI'm pretty sure Jefferson Airplane was on the bill, but I don't know who else might have been playing. If I didn't care for the band I would head for the balcony and find something else to... do... (Before the balcony turned into a t-shirt and poster shop!)
Holy smokes, have I ever lived a sheltered boring life. I was absolutely forbidden from going to the Diag at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor during the Hash Bash because those drug-crazed hippies were there.
The closest I ever got to your kind of concert experience was the night I didn't see Bob Segar play Bowen Field House (essentially a large gymnasium) at Eastern Michigan University in Ypsilanti - because I was too drunk to remember any of it.
And the possibility of letting my true self out and going as a girl was simply nonexistent. [emoji853]
Stephanie
Quote from: Steph2.0 on March 23, 2018, 02:11:57 AM
And the possibility of letting my true self out and going as a girl was simply nonexistent. [emoji853]
Stephanie
Well, I eventually got caught in an SFPD sweep and turned over to my parents. They got me 'help', what's now called conversion therapy. It scared me into hiding, afraid to come out out of fear someone might 'help' me again
I was only able to overcome this when i reached that 'change or die' point a few years ago.
Thank goodness things are getting better in some places for trans youth. I don't want anyone to go through that garbage again.
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 23, 2018, 02:55:07 AM
Well, I eventually got caught in an SFPD sweep and turned over to my parents. They got me 'help', what's now called conversion therapy. It scared me into hiding, afraid to come out out of fear someone might 'help' me again
That's horrible. I'm so sorry you had to endure that. It was the fear of the "therapy" my father would visit on me that kept my activities firmly in the basement when nobody was home.
I also hope that youth now are more free to express their true selves and get real help.
Imagine what kind of world we'd see if every kid had a happy childhood.
Stephanie
Quote from: Steph2.0 on March 23, 2018, 06:29:47 AM
That's horrible. I'm so sorry you had to endure that. It was the fear of the "therapy" my father would visit on me that kept my activities firmly in the basement when nobody was home.
I also hope that youth now are more free to express their true selves and get real help.
Imagine what kind of world we'd see if every kid had a happy childhood.
Stephanie
Wow, that's terrible, referring to Michelle's past. Things and laws have changed since then which is a good thing but doesn't make it any easier for those who had to endure it.
This thread is getting into some very pertinent topics surrounding the cost that so many of our brothers and sisters had to pay in times past. Things that speak of the realness of who we are inside and of that reality that can not be set aside, even with the abuses brought on by the "wisdom" in place during that era.
But....not to diminish this significant topic in the least, Michelle also spoke of something that rang my chimes in a big way, that being, the band Hot Tuna. Jorma Kaukonen is perhaps one of the greatest unknown musicians out. The amazing stuff he did with his side gig of Hot Tuna is unique in every sense (I have them spinning on my system now). While so many of us can relate to Jefferson Airplane we never think of Jorma's great licks. And Tuna is starting a tour this month, sadly not in anyplace close enough for me to get to.
Sorry for borrowing your thread but you brought up some good memories for me, you can have it back now.
Tia Anne
Quote from: Anne Blake on March 23, 2018, 01:52:06 PM
This thread is getting into some very pertinent topics surrounding the cost that so many of our brothers and sisters had to pay in times past. Things that speak of the realness of who we are inside and of that reality that can not be set aside, even with the abuses brought on by the "wisdom" in place during that era.
But....not to diminish this significant topic in the least, Michelle also spoke of something that rang my chimes in a big way, that being, the band Hot Tuna. Jorma Kaukonen is perhaps one of the greatest unknown musicians out. The amazing stuff he did with his side gig of Hot Tuna is unique in every sense (I have them spinning on my system now). While so many of us can relate to Jefferson Airplane we never think of Jorma's great licks. And Tuna is starting a tour this month, sadly not in anyplace close enough for me to get to.
Sorry for borrowing your thread but you brought up some good memories for me, you can have it back now.
Tia Anne
Hot Tuna and The Sons of Champlin played at my high school in the 70's
Quote from: Cassi on March 23, 2018, 11:56:47 AM
Wow, that's terrible, referring to Michelle's past. Things and laws have changed since then which is a good thing but doesn't make it any easier for those who had to endure it.
I know it sounds nasty, but changing the behavior and mind to match the body was thought to be possible and practical back then, and such treatments were the Standard of Care. My parents and the doctors proceeded with the best of intentions. Of course, intent does not determine impact.
This happened right about when the endocrinologist Dr. Harry Benjamin was doing his pioneering work. San Francisco Public Health was just opening it's "Center for Solving Special Social and Health Problems", later "Fort Help", which would provide hormone treatment following the Benjamin protocols. Things were starting to change, but I, my parents, abd doctors didn't know that.
With treatment, I repressed my nature for over a decade, long enough to be married and have two of my three children. The dysphoria started to erode the treatment effect and show itself by the time I was in my 30s, and when I met a transgender woman while interviewing candidates for a job I recognized what I really was. I kept it repressed out of fear, for myself, and my family, and had hoped I could take this secret to the grave with me.
I nearly did. I'm doing much better now.
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 24, 2018, 01:36:02 PM
I know it sounds nasty, but changing the behavior and mind to match the body was thought to be possible and practical back then, and such treatments were the Standard of Care. My parents and the doctors proceeded with the best of intentions. Of course, intent does not determine impact.
This happened right about when the endocrinologist Dr. Harry Benjamin was doing his pioneering work. San Francisco Public Health was just opening it's "Center for Solving Special Social and Health Problems", later "Fort Help", which would provide hormone treatment following the Benjamin protocols. Things were starting to change, but I, my parents, abd doctors didn't know that.
With treatment, I repressed my nature for over a decade, long enough to be married and have two of my three children. The dysphoria started to erode the treatment effect and show itself by the time I was in my 30s, and when I met a transgender woman while interviewing candidates for a job I recognized what I really was. I kept it repressed out of fear, for myself, and my family, and had hoped I could take this secret to the grave with me.
I nearly did. I'm doing much better now.
I am glad that you were able to deal with it and also for your recent turn of event(s) :)
Michelle you are proof of the fact transgender individuals are absolutely some of the strongest people. And compassionate and understanding. Society is gradually starting to catch up, sort of.
Quote from: Kendra on March 24, 2018, 03:36:50 PM
Michelle you are proof of the fact transgender individuals are absolutely some of the strongest people. And compassionate and understanding. Society is gradually starting to catch up, sort of.
@ Kendra: You are very correct about transgender individuals being some of the strongest people....
In order to make the decision to proceed with HRT and transitioning and eventually going full-time, it takes gutsy determination, a great amount of willpower and personal resolve to give up much of your past life (in the wrong gender) and to proceed full speed ahead... risking family relationships, close friendships, career and job,etc.... not to mention spending some serious money and experiencing sometimes uncomfortable and unfamiliar physical and mental adjustments and so on. ..... and the patience to continue on in spite of all of this.
Danielle
Wow Michelle, this looking after your girlfriend stuff is tiring. I hope you appreciate it. I'm hoping I can get off my fridge when she leaves. 3 days on a fridge makes you a little stiff. Well, not exactly stiff! I hope she brings you with her next time. Would be nice to meet you. We are headed out to eat soon with some of my friends. Girls night out, bring on the cheese cake.
Moni
My friend just called me a Jedi Master...er...mistress...er light saber carrying badass. Could be an interesting night. Or a nerdy one. I'll keep a lid on the wild one. :P
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 15, 2018, 09:12:59 AM
I feel so special!
My Unitarian Universalist Church is doing a ceremony on March 25, part of the runup to the Transgender Day of Visibility, to recognize the chosen names and correct pronouns of members who are transitioning. Both adults and youth will be participating. This will be my first service as a Worship Associate, running about getting all the details right, calling to worship, and speaking from the chancel.
Outside, on the street, we will be recognized by the Westboro Baptist Church, a hate-based religious group composed of the late Fred Phelp's family. It's nice that our efforts and community support are being more widely seen and recognized. What a way to start my service activity!
Expect a flight of 'angels' to shelter all under their wings...
https://www.uuworld.org/articles/uuaga16-westboro-counterprotest (https://www.uuworld.org/articles/uuaga16-westboro-counterprotest)
Good luck tomorrow Michelle! I know you'll do fine.
I'm watching my grandson this weekend, so I won't be able to make it.
Hugs, Jessica
Quote from: Jessica on March 24, 2018, 08:39:38 PM
Good luck tomorrow Michelle! I know you'll do fine.
I'm watching my grandson this weekend, so I won't be able to make it.
Hugs, Jessica
The event went very well. For the Unitarian Universalist congregation!
It was wonderful to see a community draw together with a common goal. Peaceful singing, and lining the street to show their solidarity in the face of four representatives of a small hate group, with no confrontations or issues!
Local TV coverage was tweeted by the station:
https://mobile.twitter.com/arasmusKTVU
Their print coverage:
http://www.ktvu.com/news/hate-group-targeting-lgbtq-shows-up-to-walnut-creek-church-members-sing-songs-in-solidarity
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 25, 2018, 06:52:49 PM
The event went very well. For the Unitarian Universalist congregation!
It was wonderful to see a community draw together with a common goal. Peaceful singing, and lining the street to show their solidarity in the face of four representatives of a small hate group, with no confrontations or issues!
Local TV coverage was tweeted by the station:
https://mobile.twitter.com/arasmusKTVU
Their print coverage:
http://www.ktvu.com/news/hate-group-targeting-lgbtq-shows-up-to-walnut-creek-church-members-sing-songs-in-solidarity
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I'm so happy everything went so well today!
We are lucky to be living in such a progressive area as the SF bay.
I also did my first turn as Worship Associate today. With a whole 4 hours of sleep after the dinner and dance party last night. Oof.
The dinner and dance thing went very well. Dinner was vegetarian, and most of what I made was both vegan and gluten-free. A friend made a vegetarian version of her famous minestrone, three big stock pots full! I made the salad and dressings, a few types of cornbread in individual sized pieces, vegan gluten-free sweet potato casserole (a huge hit!), vegan gluten free chocolate chip cookies, and vegan gluten-free apple crisp. I fed 65 people, and I don't think anyone left hungry.
I even got some dancing in! The friend that made the soup took over on the dishwashing line, and sent me out to dance. Interesting crowd. 65 people, 2 men (a gay couple), and the rest women, some straight! (My kind of crowd, right @Laurie ? Just teasing!)
I was up early for the Worship Associate (WA) thing, as besides doing a few minutes in the pulpit, the WA does a bunch of gophering and technical setup before and between services. I wrote and had rehearsed pieces tying faithfulness to authenticity, and the hostile world compared to our sanctuary, our refuge for each other. Those went very well during the service. The technical stuff I got through only because of a very complete checklist a senior WA had written.
Me in the Green Room:
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180326/f2651b5d1221699e81d7ec55f193bd0e.jpg)
The folks at MDUUC were amazingly supportive, and our ministers were very gracious in support (and covering for me...). I was quite nervous, not about the speaking, but the technical details involved, cues and timing in particular. I'll get better quickly, but the 'first time' nerves are still a thing at my age!
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 25, 2018, 11:15:02 PM
I also did my first turn as Worship Associate today. With a whole 4 hours of sleep after the dinner and dance party last night. Oof.
The dinner and dance thing went very well. Dinner was vegetarian, and most of what I made was both vegan and gluten-free. A friend made a vegetarian version of her famous minestrone, three big stock pots full! I made the salad and dressings, a few types of cornbread in individual sized pieces, vegan gluten-free sweet potato casserole (a huge hit!), vegan gluten free chocolate chip cookies, and vegan gluten-free apple crisp. I fed 65 people, and I don't think anyone left hungry.
I even got some dancing in! The friend that made the soup took over on the dishwashing line, and sent me out to dance. Interesting crowd. 65 people, 2 men (a gay couple), and the rest women, some straight! (My kind of crowd, right @Laurie ? Just teasing!)
I was up early for the Worship Associate (WA) thing, as besides doing a few minutes in the pulpit, the WA does a bunch of gophering and technical setup before and between services. I wrote and had rehearsed pieces tying faithfulness to authenticity, and the hostile world compared to our sanctuary, our refuge for each other. Those went very well during the service. The technical stuff I got through only because of a very complete checklist a senior WA had written.
Me in the Green Room:
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180326/f2651b5d1221699e81d7ec55f193bd0e.jpg)
The folks at MDUUC were amazingly supportive, and our ministers were very gracious in support (and covering for me...). I was quite nervous, not about the speaking, but the technical details involved, cues and timing in particular. I'll get better quickly, but the 'first time' nerves are still a thing at my age!
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
I knew you would get through it Michelle. And you looked good for your WA debut.
Hugs,
Laurie
Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk
Quote from: Laurie on March 26, 2018, 12:46:39 AM
I knew you would get through it Michelle. And you looked good for your WA debut.
Hugs,
Laurie
Thanks, Laurie. I knew i would get through it, but those damn first time nerves! I worried about making mistakes, or the nerves even causing me to goof or forget something.
I made it through. Nobody noticed any glitches. Declare victory and move on!
I just finished my weekly two hours of electrolysis and wow, are things smooth. My electrolyst was doing a "fuzz hunt" today, after last weeks clearing. She'll be out for a month starting in a few weeks and it will be interesting to see what if anything grows in that time. It has been several weeks since I last shaved.
For the first time in ages my calendar is actually free the rest of the week. Of course, there are still things to do:
Write up minutes from two meetings
Prep for a lecture on gender issues
Prep for a lecture in small antenna construction
Print exams for a large amateur radio license class in early May
I'm going to schedule an official goofing off day, to go to a museum show and dinner in San Francisco.
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Official goofing off days must be booked at least 6 months in advance, be authorised by your manager (Laurie) and must not impact project deadlines! X
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 26, 2018, 02:20:22 PM
I just finished my weekly two hours of electrolysis and wow, are things smooth. My electrolyst was doing a "fuzz hunt" today, after last weeks clearing. She'll be out for a month starting in a few weeks and it will be interesting to see what if anything grows in that time. It has been several weeks since I last shaved.
For the first time in ages my calendar is actually free the rest of the week. Of course, there are still things to do:
Write up minutes from two meetings
Prep for a lecture on gender issues
Prep for a lecture in small antenna construction
Print exams for a large amateur radio license class in early May
I'm going to schedule an official goofing off day, to go to a museum show and dinner in San Francisco.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Have dessert first...just a few days left for the Museum of Ice Cream
https://www.museumoficecream.com/about/
Quote from: Jessica on March 26, 2018, 02:33:31 PM
Have dessert first...just a few days left for the Museum of Ice Cream
https://www.museumoficecream.com/about/
How amuseuming :)
I have my Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS) scheduled for August 28.
The surgeons office just called to schedule a phone appointment with the surgeon for late tomorrow. This should be interesting.
It's a bit early for a pre-op appointment, and I did the consult to determine needed work last year. I wonder if there is an earlier opening he wants to fill?
I'll know tomorrow, I suppose.
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Good luck Michelle!
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Good news Michelle!
I'm so happy for you Michelle! I know how much this means to you.
Good luck and hugs, Jess
@ Michelle: This is wonderful news.... I will be thinking of you for sure.....
...an update from you about how your appointment went will be much anticipated!!!
Wishing you well.....
Hugs,
Danielle
Thanks everyone. I'll post when I know what's up. Could just be an order for labs or a fresh CT scan, for all I know.
Meanwhile I've got a speech on Visibility and Love Conquers Hate to write for Saturday and two new lectures to do for the next two weeks. One is a sort of Trans 101 for older folks, and the other is on compact antennas for apartment dwellers.
Oh, and I just got my first dirty look of the day, from a little old lady! I smiled back and she scowled. Must be the cream miniskirt...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180328/16276d967b4c9ddb44c34cac558ecebd.jpg)
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Quote from: Michelle_P on March 28, 2018, 01:15:28 PM
Thanks everyone. I'll post when I know what's up. Could just be an order for labs or a fresh CT scan, for all I know.
Meanwhile I've got a speech on Visibility and Love Conquers Hate to write for Saturday and two new lectures to do for the next two weeks. One is a sort of Trans 101 for older folks, and the other is on compact antennas for apartment dwellers.
Oh, and I just got my first dirty look of the day, from a little old lady! I smiled back and she scowled. Must be the cream miniskirt...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180328/16276d967b4c9ddb44c34cac558ecebd.jpg)
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Who's the teenager in this picture and what did she do with our Michelle, Laurie!!!!!!
Quote from: Cassi on March 28, 2018, 01:17:14 PM
Who's the teenager in this picture and what did she do with our Michelle, Laurie!!!!!!
Hah! 64 years old, going on 16. Yay HRT!
Laurie will explain, if she dares...
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Quote from: Michelle_P on March 28, 2018, 01:18:48 PM
Hah! 64 years old, going on 16. Yay HRT!
Laurie will explain, if she dares...
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
64, yeah right! I'm 64 and don't look nothing like that teenager! :)
snipped:
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 28, 2018, 01:15:28 PM
Thanks everyone. I'll post when I know what's up. Could just be an order for labs or a fresh CT scan, for all I know.
Meanwhile I've got a speech on Visibility and Love Conquers Hate to write for Saturday and two new lectures to do for the next two weeks. One is a sort of Trans 101 for older folks, and the other is on compact antennas for apartment dwellers.
Oh, and I just got my first dirty look of the day, from a little old lady! I smiled back and she scowled. Must be the cream miniskirt...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180328/16276d967b4c9ddb44c34cac558ecebd.jpg)
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Michelle: Yes, we want upates but only if you feel comfortable doing that.
... and it is neat when we see someone that is jealous as they look at us..!!!!!
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 28, 2018, 01:22:24 PM
snipped:
Michelle: Yes, we want upates but only if you feel comfortable doing that.
... and it is neat when we see someone that is jealous as they look at us..!!!!!
Danielle
:icon_suspicious: :icon_suspicious: :icon_suspicious: :icon_suspicious: :icon_suspicious: :icon_suspicious: :icon_suspicious: :icon_suspicious:
Here's the scoop. I'll be having two FFS surgery dates, one in late August this year, and another in late 2019 or 2020. I've asked for certain cosmetic procedures to be done in addition to medically necessary work, to avoid leaving me looking sort of unfinished.
During the call Dr. Kleinberger went over what procedures would be in the August surgery, and which would be deferred to a surgery a year or two later. There is too much to do in one round. They want to avoid having me under general anesthesia for more than 8-9 hours. The surgeons get tired, too.
The first surgery will be the forehead and eye orbits work, removing the brow ridges (Osterhout Type 3) and reducing the orbital ridges. Eyebrows will be raised. The rhinoplasty will be done at the same time, as will the upper lip lift and fill. A blepharoplasty (cosmetic) will be done to fix my droopy right eye. Finally, a jawline and chin reduction will be done.
The second surgery will include the tracheal shave and a lower facelift, once the swelling from the jawline work is gone and the extra skin is loose. This should mitigate the saggy jowls common to jawline reduction in older trans women. I can get by for a while without the tracheal shave, as long as I don't turn my head too far or lift my chin. The 'wattle' of loose skin hides the Adams Apple fairly well when facing straight forward.
Putting a medically necessary procedure in along with the cosmetic work cuts the bill way down for me. The OR and anesthesia charges will be for the medically necessary procedures, so all I will have is the Kaiser standardized surgical price without all the expensive add-ins, for the cosmetic work.
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 29, 2018, 12:16:50 AM
Here's the scoop. I'll be having two FFS surgery dates, one in late August this year, and another in late 2019 or 2020. I've asked for certain cosmetic procedures to be done in addition to medically necessary work, to avoid leaving me looking sort of unfinished.
During the call Dr. Kleinberger went over what procedures would be in the August surgery, and which would be deferred to a surgery a year or two later. There is too much to do in one round. They want to avoid having me under general anesthesia for more than 8-9 hours. The surgeons get tired, too.
The first surgery will be the forehead and eye orbits work, removing the brow ridges (Osterhout Type 3) and reducing the orbital ridges. Eyebrows will be raised. The rhinoplasty will be done at the same time, as will the upper lip lift and fill. A blepharoplasty (cosmetic) will be done to fix my droopy right eye. Finally, a jawline and chin reduction will be done.
The second surgery will include the tracheal shave and a lower facelift, once the swelling from the jawline work is gone and the extra skin is loose. This should mitigate the saggy jowls common to jawline reduction in older trans women. I can get by for a while without the tracheal shave, as long as I don't turn my head too far or lift my chin. The 'wattle' of loose skin hides the Adams Apple fairly well when facing straight forward.
Putting a medically necessary procedure in along with the cosmetic work cuts the bill way down for me. The OR and anesthesia charges will be for the medically necessary procedures, so all I will have is the Kaiser standardized surgical price without all the expensive add-ins, for the cosmetic work.
Wonderful news Michelle!
Oh, and I'm interested in your trans 101 class. Is that with your church?
Quote from: Jessica on March 29, 2018, 12:34:36 AM
Wonderful news Michelle!
Oh, and I'm interested in your trans 101 class. Is that with your church?
Yes, the Open Women's Group, meets at the church on the first Thursday of each month.
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 29, 2018, 12:44:04 AM
Yes, the Open Women's Group, meets at the church on the first Thursday of each month.
Thank you!
Big hugs!
At the ER with my roommate. She's severely dehydrated and was sent here from Urgent Care.
NOT how I planned to spend my day!
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Quote from: Michelle_P on March 30, 2018, 12:41:57 PM
At the ER with my roommate. She's severely dehydrated and was sent here from Urgent Care.
NOT how I planned to spend my day!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Well, for one thing, it's good to know that you're okay. Secondly, you do know that there's been some teenager posting pictures and claiming to be you, right? And, last, run from the hospital now - it's where people go to get sick.
Quote from: Cassi on March 30, 2018, 12:56:59 PM
Well, for one thing, it's good to know that you're okay. Secondly, you do know that there's been some teenager posting pictures and claiming to be you, right? And, last, run from the hospital now - it's where people go to get sick.
Easy to tell the difference. Not a teenager, at least on the outside:
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180330/1bbd4146da3d49dedea3849353576dc5.jpg)
I've been accused of being 64 going on 16 though, which I may have to plead guilty to.
And I've fled the hospital while my roommate gets her fluids topped off. Hopefully she'll be doing better this afternoon.
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Whatever the age you look good.
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 28, 2018, 01:18:48 PM
Hah! 64 years old, going on 16. Yay HRT!
Laurie will explain, if she dares...
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Hahaha, yes, no explanation necessary... I can confirm 16... Laurie too btw...
So great to see this teenage love!
Oh no! Hope she's okay and you can get out of the hospital pronto. If you haven't already
This may be weird to ask, but did she not eat/drink? Just scary how fragile our bodies are...
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Quote from: Allison S on March 30, 2018, 05:09:20 PM
Oh no! Hope she's okay and you can get out of the hospital pronto. If you haven't already
This may be weird to ask, but did she not eat/drink? Just scary how fragile our bodies are...
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She's home safe, and feeling better. And yes, insufficient fluid intake was the problem. Severe nausea can put one off of eating and drinking.
Just sipping Gatorade through a straw and holding it in the mouth would have helped. It's hard to take advice when one is nauseated.
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 30, 2018, 03:26:37 PM
Easy to tell the difference. Not a teenager, at least on the outside:
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180330/1bbd4146da3d49dedea3849353576dc5.jpg)
I've been accused of being 64 going on 16 though, which I may have to plead guilty to.
And I've fled the hospital while my roommate gets her fluids topped off. Hopefully she'll be doing better this afternoon.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
She must have you under some sort of mind control to believe that :)
More idle thoughts...
I've been using the big orange dilator in my Soul Source set for several weeks, and I no longer have to 'warm up' with a smaller dilator first. No big issues. An idle thought popped into my head, though...
Anyone ever hook a hammer drill to a dilator?
Oh, you know what they say... The Devils hands are idle playthings. Or something like that...
Just lying here trying not to sneeze...
Ouch. Even the thought hurts [emoji20]....
But I guess if you would search for it on the internet...
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 30, 2018, 10:29:48 PM
More idle thoughts...
I've been using the big orange dilator in my Soul Source set for several weeks, and I no longer have to 'warm up' with a smaller dilator first. No big issues. An idle thought popped into my head, though...
Anyone ever hook a hammer drill to a dilator?
Oh, you know what they say... The Devils hands are idle playthings. Or something like that...
Just lying here trying not to sneeze...
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 30, 2018, 10:29:48 PM
More idle thoughts...
I've been using the big orange dilator in my Soul Source set for several weeks, and I no longer have to 'warm up' with a smaller dilator first. No big issues. An idle thought popped into my head, though...
Anyone ever hook a hammer drill to a dilator?
Oh, you know what they say... The Devils hands are idle playthings. Or something like that...
Just lying here trying not to sneeze...
Watch the movie Top Secret. Not exactly an original thought. By the way, it's a funny movie but a bit dirty at times.
Another day, another whack at taking down the patriarchy ...
I went to an event in a local community park, and gave a speech. (Over in the Activism forum...) No, Cassi, I did not have a teen impersonator. Just me.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180401/d9fdb30c09720a4edfdbcf76e7c8ea84.jpg)
The speech went well, and I went out to a late lunch afterward with both my best friend, Nancy, and my roommate.
This made for an interesting and sort of tiring day. I'll probably burn something for dinner shortly and then go to bed.
I'm working a family shelter program all day Sunday (Easter). I'm the kitchen lead for breakfast, and will be cooking for lunch and dinner. I don't have family to gather with, and friends will be with families, so this seems like a pretty reasonable way to spend the day. I've done something similar at other holidays since living in my own.
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Nice one Michelle...that a very nice thing to do. I am sure those getting the benefit of your cooking prowess will be all the better for it.
Oh and just on the Patriarchy...you go girl!!! knock em' down and take no prisoners LOL
Take care
Liz
Looking very girly Michelle...😊
I keep telling everyone that some teenager kidnapped Michelle and is posting her pictures on site rather than Michelle's.
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 31, 2018, 08:49:33 PM
Another day, another whack at taking down the patriarchy ...
I went to an event in a local community park, and gave a speech. (Over in the Activism forum...) No, Cassie, I did not have a teen impersonator. Just me.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180401/d9fdb30c09720a4edfdbcf76e7c8ea84.jpg)
I'm working a family shelter program all day Sunday (Easter). I'm the kitchen lead for breakfast, and will be cooking for lunch and dinner. I don't have family to gather with, and friends will be with families, so this seems like a pretty reasonable way to spend the day. I've done something similar at other holidays since living in my own.
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What a wonderful way to spend Easter! You are a caring, beautiful woman.
Hugs, Jess
Quote from: markie on April 01, 2018, 07:09:56 PM
Looking very girly Michelle...😊
Feeling very girlie, Markie!
Quote from: Michelle_P on March 31, 2018, 08:49:33 PM
Another day, another whack at taking down the patriarchy ...
I went to an event in a local community park, and gave a speech. (Over in the Activism forum...) No, Cassi, I did not have a teen impersonator. Just me.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180401/d9fdb30c09720a4edfdbcf76e7c8ea84.jpg)
The speech went well, and I went out to a late lunch afterward with both my best friend, Nancy, and my roommate.
This made for an interesting and sort of tiring day. I'll probably burn something for dinner shortly and then go to bed.
I'm working a family shelter program all day Sunday (Easter). I'm the kitchen lead for breakfast, and will be cooking for lunch and dinner. I don't have family to gather with, and friends will be with families, so this seems like a pretty reasonable way to spend the day. I've done something similar at other holidays since living in my own.
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Michelle: I love volunteering at food kitchens and utilizing my cooking skills and social skills to help those that need food and need encouragement to get on with their lives. I usually get involved in the Thanksgiving season in November. The weather starts getting cold and people need food, shelter and someone to talk to.
This Easter I was invited to join my friend's family for Dinner... she is one of the women that I regularly go to the gym with every week. At her home was her and her family, husband, kids and her parents. Lots of good food and lots of great conversation.
YOUR PICTURE IS ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL and you look UNDENIABLY FEMALE !!!!
Thanks for your post and for including your wonderful picture.
Hugs,
Danielle
Danielle, I think there may be several members here that volunteer at shelters and support places. It's a good way to give back for those that may have helped us in the past.
Next up for me is another Trans 101 sort of talk for a large woman's group. I have my presentation and handouts ready, and just need one more rehearsal and timing check tonight.
Next Tuesday night I have a talk on compact antennas. I have lots of material to sort and reduce to a 50 minute talk.
I met with my gender therapist today. I'm doing OK, and apparently my gender presentation is now quite good. She complemented me on how quickly I improved my appearance over the past two years. (I study... people, at the mall, doing everyday life, and note what I think looks good and works well)
We talked about a number of things going on in my life. Always a helpful session, clarifies my thinking on a number of things.
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Good for you volunteering Michelle :) Ive just done one some graphics for an autistic group. Just need to find something that suits my skill set on a more permanent basis. You are right it's a good way to serve the community, we all know what it feels like to be vulnerable and god knows there are a lot of people in crisis these days.
Hope the talk with the woman's group goes well, glad to here things are moving along nicely with the therapy.
peace and love and all that good stuff,
Sadie
I did my presentation on gender to that Open Women's Group. It went well overall.
There were technical glitches, as in they put the presentation in the one room they had with no presentation equipment. They did bring in a portable amplifier and microphone. I had packed along a flat screen display at least. We needed to move a small table to the front of the room to hold the display and my MacBook Air. And that's when it happened...
One of the women told the others, "I'll get this side and...", gesturing to me, "He'll get that end."
Hey! Excuse me. Person standing here with makeup, tan skirt and sleeveless top, hose and heels, conservative makeup is so NOT a "He."
I looked at her. "He? Really?" I lifted my skirt, pantyhose and ancient cameltoe in view. "Do you see something I don't?" She started blushing and stammering. Another woman stepped up to help move the table.
That just ticked me off. Here's a group that claims to be "woke', that likes to call themselves open and accepting. I clearly look female, BUT, they know I am trans. And I know a few other things...
I was annoyed to the point that I wrote a speech. I don't know if it will ever be delivered.
Quote
Microaggressions: The everyday verbal, nonverbal, and environmental slights, snubs, or insults, whether intentional or unintentional, which communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative messages to target persons based solely upon their marginalized group membership.
How can people who have never known or seen me as anything other than myself, Michelle, manage to misgender me as soon as they learn that I am trans?
If folks would please be so good as to stop it, I would very much appreciate it.
In the past, I have tried to be polite, excusing this behavior. I now realize that I have been a co-enabler in my own marginalization.
I am afraid that if folks persist with this behavior, I shall become quite fatigued with repeatedly, loudly, persistently, publicly refuting YOU, without regard as to whether or not you accidentally or intentionally insulted, snubbed, or otherwise delivered that hostile message to me.
After all, intent is not impact...
What's that? You object to my objecting to being marginalized, degraded, insulted by you? Oh, I should "just learn to take it?" I should just calmly accept that I am Other, the freak you think I am, and learn my proper place?
I don't think so.
You see, I believe in the inherent worth and dignity of every person, even myself and other transgender persons. I believe that the acceptance of one another, even our gender identity, is important. I believe in justice, equity, and compassion in human relations.
Even the courts in this state see me as female. My drivers license says I am female. My birth certificate, my passport, my medical insurance card say I am female.
I have worked hard, my whole life, to try and please others, make them comfortable with me, at great cost to myself. All I ask for in these late years is to spend a little time just being myself, and just the smallest bit of compassion from you.
Yet, you won't even spare that crumb from your table. You deny my identity, rationalize that denial, and persist.
I object. I insist on that justice, that equity. I refuse to cooperate in my own marginalization. I refuse to accept your dehumanizing behavior. I deny, loudly and persistently, your snubs and insults, however unintentional.
If I don't stand against this now, who will be your next unintentional target? Who will you subject to this next?
I'm terribly sorry that this insensitive women has no social grace and could be so blind.
Hugs, Jess
Michelle,
I agree with your feelings and thoughts on being misgendered. I am not so sure of your reaction though I can understand the frustration behind it. It may even have been effective.
As for the speech I think it addresses the issue pretty well but also shows an angry side. That may have been your intent but I am not sure of it's effectiveness in getting the message across.
Hugs,
Laurie
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Quote from: Michelle_P on April 07, 2018, 12:53:33 AM
I did my presentation on gender to that Open Women's Group. It went well overall.
There were technical glitches, as in they put the presentation in the one room they had with no presentation equipment. They did bring in a portable amplifier and microphone. I had packed along a flat screen display at least. We needed to move a small table to the front of the room to hold the display and my MacBook Air. And that's when it happened...
One of the women told the others, "I'll get this side and...", gesturing to me, "He'll get that end."
Hey! Excuse me. Person standing here with makeup, tan skirt and sleeveless top, hose and heels, conservative makeup is so NOT a "He."
I looked at her. "He? Really?" I lifted my skirt, pantyhose and ancient cameltoe in view. "Do you see something I don't?" She started blushing and stammering. Another woman stepped up to help move the table.
That just ticked me off. Here's a group that claims to be "woke', that likes to call themselves open and accepting. I clearly look female, BUT, they know I am trans. And I know a few other things...
I was annoyed to the point that I wrote a speech. I don't know if it will ever be delivered.
Quote
Microaggressions: The everyday verbal, nonverbal, and environmental slights, snubs, or insults, whether intentional or unintentional, which communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative messages to target persons based solely upon their marginalized group membership.
How can people who have never known or seen me as anything other than myself, Michelle, manage to misgender me as soon as they learn that I am trans?
If folks would please be so good as to stop it, I would very much appreciate it.
In the past, I have tried to be polite, excusing this behavior. I now realize that I have been a co-enabler in my own marginalization.
I am afraid that if folks persist with this behavior, I shall become quite fatigued with repeatedly, loudly, persistently, publicly refuting YOU, without regard as to whether or not you accidentally or intentionally insulted, snubbed, or otherwise delivered that hostile message to me.
After all, intent is not impact...
What's that? You object to my objecting to being marginalized, degraded, insulted by you? Oh, I should "just learn to take it?" I should just calmly accept that I am Other, the freak you think I am, and learn my proper place?
I don't think so.
You see, I believe in the inherent worth and dignity of every person, even myself and other transgender persons. I believe that the acceptance of one another, even our gender identity, is important. I believe in justice, equity, and compassion in human relations.
Even the courts in this state see me as female. My drivers license says I am female. My birth certificate, my passport, my medical insurance card say I am female.
I have worked hard, my whole life, to try and please others, make them comfortable with me, at great cost to myself. All I ask for in these late years is to spend a little time just being myself, and just the smallest bit of compassion from you.
Yet, you won't even spare that crumb from your table. You deny my identity, rationalize that denial, and persist.
I object. I insist on that justice, that equity. I refuse to cooperate in my own marginalization. I refuse to accept your dehumanizing behavior. I deny, loudly and persistently, your snubs and insults, however unintentional.
If I don't stand against this now, who will be your next unintentional target? Who will you subject to this next?
I love it!
A woman after my own heart.
I've found that if I react to misgendering it just enforces the misconception that I am different, exactly the kind of thing I'm trying to avoid.
At the end of the day it's not us that determines our position or value in a group, it's the group itself. The best we can do is treat others how we would like to be treated, rise above any ignorance with dignity and educate with humility.
It's a toughie Michelle, we all face it. I can sense your anguish and frustration, but try not to make that your world. You are a woman, if certain people struggle with that it doesn't make you any less of a woman. Nurture the things that are good and wholesome in your life, not the insecurities of others.
Peace and love and all that good stuff,
Sadie
Dang Michelle, good job!
I'm just gonna backstop a bit, apply Hanlon's razor? Was it an aggression on her part? Usually tone of voice etc tell us more and I'm simply curious what your feeling was about her tone in misgendering you? Certainly that's the place where I'd find a misgendering most annoying, she presumably knew what you were there to talk about.
Your response is completely precious, thanks for sharing! ❤️❤️
Quote from: Michelle_P on April 07, 2018, 12:53:33 AM
I did my presentation on gender to that Open Women's Group. It went well overall.
There were technical glitches, as in they put the presentation in the one room they had with no presentation equipment. They did bring in a portable amplifier and microphone. I had packed along a flat screen display at least. We needed to move a small table to the front of the room to hold the display and my MacBook Air. And that's when it happened...
One of the women told the others, "I'll get this side and...", gesturing to me, "He'll get that end."
Hey! Excuse me. Person standing here with makeup, tan skirt and sleeveless top, hose and heels, conservative makeup is so NOT a "He."
I looked at her. "He? Really?" I lifted my skirt, pantyhose and ancient cameltoe in view. "Do you see something I don't?" She started blushing and stammering. Another woman stepped up to help move the table.
That just ticked me off. Here's a group that claims to be "woke', that likes to call themselves open and accepting. I clearly look female, BUT, they know I am trans. And I know a few other things...
I was annoyed to the point that I wrote a speech. I don't know if it will ever be delivered.
Michelle, I thank you for sharing this and your response puts into words what I have felt many times as well. In my work situation, I always call out people who are close to me. It is the only way it gets up front in their thick skulls so they can adjust. My emotional reactions range from it not bothering me too much to being hurt and angry, depending on the day. Some people are so perfect with it, others suck.
Did she know you from before you transitioned? Even if you look and sound female, if someone initially knew you from your old life, they can still misgender you by accident. The human mind has a really difficult time changing its mental gender image of another person.
Thanks, everyone! Let's see if I can cover all of this...
1) Nobody here knows be from before I started my transition. I have only been Michelle, presenting as myself to everyone here.
2) There are a few people who know I am a transgender woman but did not know me before transition, who when I am NOT present refer to me with male pronouns, and who try (and sometimes fail) to gender me correctly when they see I am present. I don't consider them to be particularly accepting.
3) Oddly enough, the collection of conservative old males in that amateur radio club I was president of when I came out and went full time all knew me before, yet they have been absolutely flawless, nothing but gentlemen in handling this.
This particular incident was not aggression. She simply slipped up, being distracted forgot to consciously replace the 'he' she uses for me elsewhere with 'she'. Of course, I think we can all see the real problem there.
I have conducted a couple of presentations and a panel discussion with these folks in the past, and was there to conduct another presentation and Q&A session. The congregation has supposedly been through the UUA Welcoming Congregations program (https://www.uua.org/lgbtq/welcoming/program), which provides training on basic politeness and background on LGBTQ people.
I have taken the approach Sadie mentions in the past, but honestly, after a year and a half of people in this group misgendering me, I feel more like I am enabling and excusing their behavior than improving the situation.
That 'speech' is just my venting my frustration with the situation.
Sometimes I think the old ways are the best, completing medical transition and then disappearing, resurfacing someplace where nobody knows us and just living our lives quietly, without rocking the boat or revealing our nature to the cispeople around us. I hate to do that, but it may be the only thing that gets me treated as a 'real woman', rather than what they may think of me.
I gently ask you to look inside and ask why their perception of you matters. :)
Living your life for yourself is the greatest freedom. Living it for others, not so much.
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Michelle_P on April 07, 2018, 10:31:36 AM
Sometimes I think the old ways are the best, completing medical transition and then disappearing, resurfacing someplace where nobody knows us and just living our lives quietly, without rocking the boat or revealing our nature to the cispeople around us. I hate to do that, but it may be the only thing that gets me treated as a 'real woman', rather than what they may think of me.
I agree. It is really the only way to guarantee correct gendering, if that is important to you (and it sounds like it is).
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on April 07, 2018, 10:46:47 AM
I gently ask you to look inside and ask why their perception of you matters. :)
Living your life for yourself is the greatest freedom. Living it for others, not so much.
Hugs, Devlyn
It's pretty easy, really. I grew up as the freak, the outsider. I was never the one who fit in. I had no social life. It was extremely lonely, until i discovered the early hippie culture in San Francisco that accepted me for what I was. I had that for a couple weekends a month for a year or so.
Since then, I got to spend a half century repressing myself, until I finally cracked a couple years ago. I'm out now, though, and would like to have a community that I can participate in, if only for my own sanity.
I do not want a community that accepts my presence out of pity, or is trying to look good on paper by adding token marginalized peoples. I can be a good contributor to community life, but would prefer not to be the token 'confused person', guy that likes women's clothes, or whatever they think I am.
See, we are talking about something that is core to my identity, and having others who I trusted with my experience casually deny it is hurtful to me. I understand that other folks may not feel strongly about this, but I do, and I think that my feelings in this matter deserve some consideration.
Yes, of course I should live my life for myself. I also recognize that I am a social being, and I need a strong sense of community, of belonging to something greater than myself. This is just my nature. Not all of us can be the strong loner, living without concern of what others think of us.
Yes, my desire for social connection and community may be viewed by some as my weakness, my failing, but I know it is quite real, and that lack of connection and community was the primary driving force behind my depression and suicide attempt. I would rather not go through that again, if you please.
I should mention that this incident was particularly bothersome as I was just about to start a presentation on gender, including the usual stuff, for a group of older women, and I thought I had my gender presentation pretty solidly together.
Being misgendered 60 seconds before starting a presentation on gender can be a little discomforting.
My apologies if that bothers anyone here.
I respect your feelings, I'm just trying to offer advice that you or others may find helpful. :)
Quote"Sometimes I think the old ways are the best, completing medical transition and then disappearing, resurfacing someplace where nobody knows us and just living our lives quietly, without rocking the boat or revealing our nature to the cispeople around us. I hate to do that, but it may be the only thing that gets me treated as a 'real woman', rather than what they may think of me."
I would ask "What is really gained there?" That is not acceptance, it is using the shelter of those around you not knowing. There is a difference, and it becomes acute when your new "accepting" acquaintances start the transphobic chatter. Do you stand silently? Does that make one feel accepted? Do you join in the transgender bashing? Several women here have stated they did, to preserve their stealth. Does that make one feel accepted?
I do speak from the position of not caring what others think. I'm just offering that perspective
Hugs, Devlyn
Michelle, it's horrible that people you should be able to trust most still make these errors, and the timing sounds terrible [emoji853].
For all I know my friends, neighbours and work colleagues think I'm an utter wierdo (almost certain [emoji23]) I can't MAKE them think otherwise, and if I spent any more than the odd moment pondering on the matter I don't doubt it would drag me down, so I don't.
Let them think what they want. If they all treat you badly then you know these people are not your friends. If only a few do then time will see them excluded from the group, that's the way of things.
In the meantime I'll be me and happy with that, I hope you can find that place too. X
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Michelle, I think people are well intentioned to tell you not to care what others think. Maybe some have a particular talent for that, and that is great. I personally don't have that skill. I don't say this disrespectfully to anyone, but no one can or should tell you how to feel. These are your feeling when something like this happens. I relate to how you feel. I am a social animal as well. The very essence of everything you have done in your transition was working toward being seen as who you really are. I don't get how that motivation can magically disappear and one day you say, well... "Good enough!" Your emotion is genuine, it is part of you, and you must handle it as Michelle does. It is not a perfect world and you will still have to deal with some level of trans related issues in your life. Only you know what that level is that you can accept. Each one of us has to make that call.
Moni
Hi Michelle,
I have to say, I like your style! You have been able to say and do what I sometimes only wish I could do. But my own personal nature is to take the slap and sting, whether intentional or not, and humbly present a calm face or leave the room to hide the tears. Which way is best, there is no right answer. I can say that I can picture both the frustration and hopefully the satisfaction you felt as you lowered and straightened your skirt. You have some wild kind of class girl!
Tia Anne
Quote from: Anne Blake on April 07, 2018, 03:54:30 PM
Hi Michelle,
I have to say, I like your style! You have been able to say and do what I sometimes only wish I could do. But my own personal nature is to take the slap and sting, whether intentional or not, and humbly present a calm face or leave the room to hide the tears. Which way is best, there is no right answer. I can say that I can picture both the frustration and hopefully the satisfaction you felt as you lowered and straightened your skirt. You have some wild kind of class girl!
Tia Anne
Tia Anne, that is largely what I had been doing, aside from the occasional educational presentation. I've been with this group of people, a religious congregation, for about 18 months now, and in that time have picked up on certain things. I do know that at least two women refer to me as "he" when I am not around. I know that they have a number of friends who are exposed to this.
I also know that there are several trans children with this congregation, which claims to be welcoming and accepting. I want to ensure that the congregation treats trans and queer people respectfully. There is a relatively high proportion of gay and lesbian persons in the congregation already, and I have not observed any problems in that area. There may be an acceptance problem regarding trans and possibly queer people, from what I am observing.
In my opinion passively tolerating this acceptance problem, whether accidental or intentional, may be allowing or enabling harm. A visitor to our services is unlikely to return if misgendered, as that demonstrably negates any literature or signs claiming this is a welcoming and accepting place. The children are particularly at risk, particularly if intentionally bullied with misgendering.
I am pushing against this on several fronts. Besides moving away from passively tolerating misgendering and related abusive behaviors, I am also bringing to the attention of oversight folks in the congregation the issues above as well as that the congregation has not formally renewed it's "Welcoming Congregation" status with the national organization, nor has it conducted the appropriate refresher courses (for 27 years!).
Let me see...
Cookies. CHECK
Dark elixir. CHECK
Gruel. CHECK
Badgers... CHECK
eye bolts, leather straps, silk cord... CHECK
Looks like I'm ready for company...
You too are so cute together and I can tell that Laurie was all excited about this stop of her journey!! Enjoy you two lovebirds. This entire forum is rooting for you two!!
Quote from: Michelle_P on April 08, 2018, 04:50:57 PM
Let me see...
Cookies. CHECK
Dark elixir. CHECK
Gruel. CHECK
Badgers... CHECK
eye bolts, leather straps, silk cord... CHECK
Looks like I'm ready for company...
Quote from: Michelle_P on April 08, 2018, 04:50:57 PM
Let me see...
Cookies. CHECK
Dark elixir. CHECK
Gruel. CHECK
Badgers... CHECK
eye bolts, leather straps, silk cord... CHECK
Looks like I'm ready for company...
Oh but are they ready for you. Lol too funny
Captured!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180408/1f57af0073009948d7f89c27d683cfa1.jpg)
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Quote from: Michelle_P on April 08, 2018, 06:50:57 PM
Captured!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180408/1f57af0073009948d7f89c27d683cfa1.jpg)
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Wonderful!
Quote from: Michelle_P on April 08, 2018, 06:50:57 PM
Captured!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180408/1f57af0073009948d7f89c27d683cfa1.jpg)
Nice! Glad you made it home, Laurie.
Hugs, Devlyn
Joy! What great smiles - glad you are both there.
What's that word ya awl use??????? Squuuuuuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee??????
Quote from: Michelle_P on April 08, 2018, 06:50:57 PM
Captured!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180408/1f57af0073009948d7f89c27d683cfa1.jpg)
D'awwwwwww!!!
Quote from: Michelle_P on April 08, 2018, 06:50:57 PM
Captured!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180408/1f57af0073009948d7f89c27d683cfa1.jpg)
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What an awesome pair! Two gorgeous ladies, a beautiful sight. X
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Help, I am being held against my will.
Michelle had stuff to do this morning. After a breakfast of dark elixir, sour fruit and gruel, I was returned to my straw pallet to await her return. I believe there was more than dark elixir in that cup. I have become quite drowsy.
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I hear that Dark Elixir Zero is launching soon. Zero calories but all the same powers of mind control!
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Quote from: Megan. on April 09, 2018, 12:15:55 PM
I hear that Dark Elixir Zero is launching soon. Zero calories but all the same powers of mind control!
Actually, you didn't hear that...we implanted it directly.
Sincerely, the Dark Elixir Zero Mind Control Team
Is that the one with eye of toad and tail of newt?? Glad shes back in her cage safely
It's not got much newt in it.
Meanwhile, the mind control casting revealed certain contents of the Laurie Lorry which have since been retrieved, including the Amulet secreted in her belongings by the New England branch.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180410/4d6308756e5bf39ecfbd43397be20ea4.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180410/657dd4d58e1660c83a8d9777c3a3c9a3.jpg)
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Michelle, you may use the term amulet but I have heard that the creator of this object is known to use the terms horcrux or control device...a bit of caution may be advised.
Now, now, let's not panic over....things beyond our control. :laugh:
Once the final few pieces are in place, world domination is mine!
(https://www.susans.org/forums/gallery/0/13844-050418171009.jpeg)
VIVA LA TRANS-LUTION!!!!
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on April 09, 2018, 08:08:17 PM
Now, now, let's not panic over....things beyond our control. :laugh:
Once the final few pieces are in place, world domination is mine!
(https://www.susans.org/forums/gallery/0/13844-050418171009.jpeg)
Can I be dominated if I wander north from the Big Apple in September
Give me a shout when you're in the area. :)
Hugs, Devlyn
Was a real treat to chat to you too lovebirds the other day and I really enjoyed seeing you both so happy. I mean what I said about coming to visit...I am sure between myself and Cindy we will be able to keep you well entertained...I have no doubt there are a few other Aussie girls that would enjoy catching up with you both...I have assigned a dungeon room for you both with your own shackles and gruel bed and breakfast facilities...kind of... ;) ;)
Take care
Liz
Quote from: ElizabethK on April 10, 2018, 10:00:42 PM
I mean what I said about coming to visit...I am sure between myself and Cindy we will be able to keep you well entertained...I have no doubt there are a few other Aussie girls that would enjoy catching up with you both...I have assigned a dungeon room for you both with your own shackles and gruel bed and breakfast facilities...kind of... ;) ;)
I'm all ready. Laurie has to do a little paperwork, which I have been encouraging. She is planning-averse, so eventually I'll work out the details and tell her one day to pack for immediate departure. I have an idle thought of using a cruise for one leg of the trip.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on April 09, 2018, 08:38:50 PM
Give me a shout when you're in the area. :)
I'll be in Brooklyn the last weekend of this month. Dunno if that counts...
Laurie and I took a slow Friday to tour the nearby Sonoma and Marin coastline, stopping at some of my favorite places.
First stop was in downtown Sonoma, to pick up some picnic supplies, including a couple of spicy peppered cheeses, and a nice pepper salami, plus some other nibbles. Then we headed for Wild Flour Bakery at Freestone for some breads, including a nice rye with a salty crust, their fougasse, and of course their sticky bun bread. Always start with dessert first!
Off to Salmon Beach just north of Bodega Bay for a sandy, windy picnic, with 5 seagulls stalking about waiting for an opportunity, and not much else. Nice!
After a leisurely lunch we headed down the coast to Pt. Reyes Station, and wandered about the town a bit, before eventually heading to Olema and Sir Francis Drake Blvd, to drive back into the Bay Area. We saw some of the more famous sites, such as the very high income town of Fairfax, and of course the surgery center where
@SadieBlake got all spiffed up. ;)
We got to Larkspur in the early evening, while the evening commute was at it's worst, and decided to wait it out in one of the many restaurants in the area. There was a nice fondue place I had heard of but not tried, and after Laurie and I had contemplated the menu outside for a bit, decided to venture in.
Dark, as it was built into the kiln ovens of an old brickworks, but with a strong aroma of garlic, herbs, and chocolate in the air, this looked to be an interesting experience. The staff led us around the place to the back, where we had a nice private booth. We got the menus, and an explanation of the arcana involved in their fondue dining experience. We settled on a four course menu, with a cheese fondue, salads, steak fondue, and finally a chocolate fondue.
Well, this turned into a three hour dining experience, exploring the various ways one could cook with and serve fondue to ourselves and each other. Wheeee! Laurie says "It was soooo romantic!" I concur. ;) The staff put up with the two of us and our dining activities quite well.
Recommended...
Oh, and the bridge backup was gone when we left. Mission accomplished.
What a delightful day of adventure and romance!💕💕💕
Things have certainly changed in "high income town" Fairfax. When I lived there in the 70's it didn't cost much... even Woodacre was cheap.
Badgers arriving soon!
As Lady Jessica fortold, the honey badgers have indeed returned to Michelle's Nest.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180417/39159cd93e3697bc41bf6345babb217a.jpg)
They are of course keeping a close eye on Laurie lest she escape.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180417/77ca25c6c3782568585f15e15dacf063.jpg)
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Quote from: Michelle_P on April 16, 2018, 07:39:47 PM
As Lady Jessica fortold, the honey badgers have indeed returned to Michelle's Nest.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180417/39159cd93e3697bc41bf6345babb217a.jpg)
They are of course keeping a close eye on Laurie lest she escape.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180417/77ca25c6c3782568585f15e15dacf063.jpg)
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Aren't they just adorbs!
And doing such a fine job keeping an eye on Laurie.
Honey badger prison guards....how innovative!
All I can say is "HI ya buddy" BTW that's the badger in the modern (ok 15+ years ago) Woody Woodpecker cartoon that my kids watched a whole life ago
https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=woody+woodpecker+honey+badger&id=F4F748D30316D038EDD6ECDCD4A2B20BC5EB4030&FORM=IQFRBA
I just got home from a tour of the Haight-Ashbury (Hey, Mr. Tour Guide, I LIVED this!), and found something most upsetting.
Bad badgers, bad!
While the honey badgers were being ever so naughty, it seems someone has escaped. Everything gone except for one chocolate and a handwritten note to her former captor.
I fear I may be in danger of being captured myself.
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Things could be a little quiet in your neck of the woods for a few weeks...but I have no doubt you will fix that :D
I'm working on fixing that...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180423/513c3074d4f4003ce63ebcb60297aafb.jpg)
New toy for the physics nerd to play with. Exciting an electromagnetic field via magnetism rather than electric fields.
We shall see...
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Dang, super high-q loop!!
You are the radio mistress Michelle.
Quote from: SadieBlake on April 23, 2018, 08:20:47 PM
Dang, super high-q loop!!
Got it in one! Extremely high Q, very low impedance so I can maximize current flow and so magnetic field generation.
I'm off to New York for a long weekend, visiting my daughter there. I haven't seen her in several months, and I haven't been in New York in almost three years.
I'm very much looking forward to this trip. Can't sleep on the red eye, but I've got WiFi for free!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180427/b49e470ce95a53dff99a528d5dec218f.jpg)
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You look great! Have a wonderful trip.
Quote from: Michelle_P on April 27, 2018, 03:37:42 AM
I'm off to New York for a long weekend, visiting my daughter there. I haven't seen her in several months, and I haven't been in New York in almost three years.
I'm very much looking forward to this trip. Can't sleep on the red eye, but I've got WiFi for free!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180427/b49e470ce95a53dff99a528d5dec218f.jpg)
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I'm so happy you are visiting your daughter, family love is so important.
Have a great time!
Hugs and smiles, Jess
Quote from: Michelle_P on April 27, 2018, 03:37:42 AM
I'm off to New York for a long weekend, visiting my daughter there. I haven't seen her in several months, and I haven't been in New York in almost three years.
I'm very much looking forward to this trip. Can't sleep on the red eye, but I've got WiFi for free!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180427/b49e470ce95a53dff99a528d5dec218f.jpg)
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Michelle: A long flight and yes, WiFi for free... how did you get that perk?
In your picture that you posted I see that you are in the plane and in your seat... and you are looking good, nicely dressed with that great looking scarf.
I had also enjoyed following your girls day out lunch and sight seeing with
@Jessica and
@Laurie ....
.... all of you wonderful ladies always look so nice together!!!
Have a safe and happy trip... and a nice visit with your daughter... Enjoy NYC.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Michelle_P on April 27, 2018, 03:37:42 AM
I'm off to New York for a long weekend, visiting my daughter there. I haven't seen her in several months, and I haven't been in New York in almost three years.
I'm very much looking forward to this trip. Can't sleep on the red eye, but I've got WiFi for free!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180427/b49e470ce95a53dff99a528d5dec218f.jpg)
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
You look so happy!! Enjoy New York!
Enjoy your trip, Michelle! I have to say, that scarf is super! The colour looks so good on you!
I'm having a grand time here. While my daughter was working i dropped my bag at the hotel, hit a luncheonette for breakfast and much coffee, and headed for the Strand bookstore, a grand old place with quite literally miles of books on three floors.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180429/e68024d0da5366c340b50208d2591ed8.jpg)
I picked up some good Gender Studies texts (trans-feminist theory) and a biography, then went out for coffee before meeting up with my daughter.
I connected with my daughter at the Staten Island ferry terminal in the Battery and we walked up to Eatily for a late lunch. Delicious pizza and salad!
After lunch we walked through the new mall on the south side of the World Trade Center Plaza, beneath and through the Oculus. What a strange cathedral to mass consumerism! Very odd place and experience to find attached to such a memorial.
We continued our walk up the west side park and with the drizzle eventually headed into the Village and caught a subway. She headed home, and I headed to my hotel room to collapse.
I met up Saturday with my daughter and her Significant Other in Brooklyn for brunch in a little French place by the Brooklyn Expo Center. In the Center was a vinyl records market, perhaps 100 vendors selling old records in various states. We browsed for a few hours, and her SO bought some nice old jazz disks.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180429/3512a41f4da1d30f97747f634207b060.jpg)
More walking, an artists flea market, and eventually lunch of sorts at an ice cream place which was fun. I don't usually dine like this!
We headed back to their apartment to visit, with tea, cat playtime, and Jelly Roll Morton on the phonograph. Later my daughter and I walked and chatted for a while, seeing the sights of Brooklyn, until I returned to my hotel and she to her SO.
I did go out on my own later in the evening to get a large salad for dinner. [emoji4]. See, I can behave.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180429/9d8a42e88c364475fa6e43fb8d53ad8c.jpg)
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Yay Michelle! So glad you're up to some fun with daughter :-). (And kinda sad you're so nearby and I can't get down there for a coffee)
Quote from: Michelle_P on April 29, 2018, 07:26:38 AMI connected with my daughter at the Staten Island ferry terminal in the Battery and we walked up to Eatily for a late lunch. Delicious pizza and salad!
After lunch we walked through the new mall on the south side of the World Trade Center Plaza, beneath and through the Oculus. What a strange cathedral to mass consumerism! Very odd place and experience to find attached to such a memorial.
Wow, six weeks ago I was in exactly the same places.
Look familiar?
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180429/fa393d1ef799177ef20e0192a5656690.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180429/770ac0105296559f5725f1eaef288bff.jpg)
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If I'd known you were coming I'd have waited around for you! I'm happy to know that it's warmer for you than it was for me!
Stephanie
Today the three of us did brunch at The Smith, delicious stuff, talked, walked about the East Village and talked, until her SO had to go take care of some things. Then my daughter and I walked and talked some more. Nothing consequential, just life. [emoji4]
We stopped for a coffee break at Grand Central Station, then walked, talked, and shopped even more. It was a slightly odd feeling, my daughter and I reconnecting like old friends long separated. It was a good feeling, too.
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I had dinner on my own this evening at Le Relais de Venise. Steak and fries, French bistro style. All that's on the menu! Yes, they bring around and serve seconds.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180430/58d05d4fa1706b737603755f2088d36c.jpg)
I started with their standard mixed greens salad with a mustard dressing topped with walnuts.
Dessert was caffe Americain and three tartelettes, lemon, cherry, and dark chocolate. Very nice.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180430/5c7154aadee00fcc508420a1d6fb6a46.jpg)
I'm used to dining on my own when out on the town. No big deal. There was at least one other solo diner there while I dined.
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Quote from: Michelle_P on April 29, 2018, 08:50:24 PMWe stopped for a coffee break at Grand Central Station, then walked, talked, and shopped even more. It was a slightly odd feeling, my daughter and I reconnecting like old friends long separated. It was a good feeling, too.
Grand Central! Dang it girl, we could have waited for you there, too!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180430/30bac547bbbf803dcad500735d3a8e68.jpg)
It's so cool that you're getting to know your daughter again for the first time. She sounds like she's as exceptional a woman as you are.
Stephanie
Thanks, Stephanie. It looks like my timing was about 3 weeks off.
There I go running late again.
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I'm back at home, and running through my usual routines again. Unpack, do laundry, walk, meditate, buy groceries, cook. Pretty standard life for a retired older woman. I do miss my girlfriend, but I'll be seeing her again in a few weeks when I head north. Meanwhile, the badgers are sleeping with me.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180506/48c53a65e1059fbe0262de3060437dbd.jpg)
I did finally get my radio gear unpacked and set up that magnetic loop antenna. The darn thing is finicky as heck, but works remarkably well. Nerd stuff...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180506/9212984f9266700e1827fa872104607c.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180506/bfa4af271a9036b62bea041bb005f78c.jpg)
I had a therapy session on Thursday, very affirmative stuff. The therapist pointed out that the 'breast augmentation' surgery can make some adjustment from the very wide placement I have for my little 34 Barelys. I didn't realize that. I don't want to have anything huge, but it would be nicer to have the spacing better, and to be able to wear more bras comfortably. I currently use a Warner t-shirt bra that has a wide band and compresses things inward to give me a decent fit and form.
So, I may just be looking into a breast augmentation. Wow.
Today's project was another One Day Ham Class. I was there from 6:45 AM til about 5:30, and am very tired now. Early to bed tonight, with a good book, I think. I wish I had better plans, but I make do.
Quote from: Michelle_P on May 05, 2018, 09:50:23 PM
I'm back at home, and running through my usual routines again. Unpack, do laundry, walk, meditate, buy groceries, cook. Pretty standard life for a retired older woman. I do miss my girlfriend, but I'll be seeing her again in a few weeks when I head north. Meanwhile, the badgers are sleeping with me.
I did finally get my radio gear unpacked and set up that magnetic loop antenna. The darn thing is finicky as heck, but works remarkably well. Nerd stuff...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180506/9212984f9266700e1827fa872104607c.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180506/bfa4af271a9036b62bea041bb005f78c.jpg)
I had a therapy session on Thursday, very affirmative stuff. The therapist pointed out that the 'breast augmentation' surgery can make some adjustment from the very wide placement I have for my little 34 Barelys. I didn't realize that. I don't want to have anything huge, but it would be nicer to have the spacing better, and to be able to wear more bras comfortably. I currently use a Warner t-shirt bra that has a wide band and compresses things inward to give me a decent fit and form.
So, I may just be looking into a breast augmentation. Wow.
Today's project was another One Day Ham Class. I was there from 6:45 AM til about 5:30, and am very tired now. Early to bed tonight, with a good book, I think. I wish I had better plans, but I make do.
I'm guessing we're not talking about a big piece of pig and some pineapple? :laugh:
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn on May 05, 2018, 09:56:04 PM
I'm guessing we're not talking about a big piece of pig and some pineapple? :laugh:
Hugs, Devlyn
No. Although a genuine luau might just be fun. I wonder if I could convince anyone to try a Polynesian vacation with me?
Quote from: Michelle_P on May 05, 2018, 09:50:23 PM
I'm back at home, and running through my usual routines again. Unpack, do laundry, walk, meditate, buy groceries, cook. Pretty standard life for a retired older woman. I do miss my girlfriend, but I'll be seeing her again in a few weeks when I head north. Meanwhile, the badgers are sleeping with me.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180506/48c53a65e1059fbe0262de3060437dbd.jpg)
The Honey Badgers look tired! Are you sure they are sleeping?
Pineapples and pig... badgers... I am still stuck a breast augmentation... Medically necessary?
Quote from: Jessica on May 05, 2018, 10:04:16 PM
The Honey Badgers look tired! Are you sure they are sleeping?
Maybe they need a HAM sandwich? ;)
Quote from: Laurie on May 05, 2018, 10:07:23 PM
Pineapples and pig... badgers... I am still stuck a breast augmentation... Medically necessary?
Probably not necessary, but it would be nice to be able to wear a woman's bathing suit, and actually have it look correct.
Quote from: Jessica on May 05, 2018, 10:04:16 PM
The Honey Badgers look tired! Are you sure they are sleeping?
I've been rubbing their tummies every night! I heard somewhere that is very effective at inducing sleep.
Quote from: Devlyn on May 05, 2018, 10:08:15 PM
Maybe they need a HAM sandwich? ;)
Pretty sure they're keeping kosher.
You crazies are all too much fun. What a great group here.
Is it possible to be an observant Jew and a ham operator?
I ran across this on FacePlant today. Seemed appropriate...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180513/94c82ec238711e4f24f3346175f86350.jpg)
Stephanie
I can definitely vouch for the effectiveness of Anxiety Companion Honey Badgers.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180513/189ebf3129a45782d35843792e93a627.jpg)
They act as constant reminders of someone I had to work very hard at to catch... Hi, @Laurie !
Special thanks to @Jessica for tracking them down and risking life and limb to send them here!
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Oh, I haven't really updated anything here in a while.
I restarted electrolysis today after a one month break. The upper and lower lip, chin, left cheek and most of the right got recleared. We will get the rest of the right cheek and neck next week.
I got misgendered last week by someone who was arguing that a church didn't need a refresher course on being Welcoming to LGBTQ folks. Oops. Then he tried to blame me for the misgendering. :facepalm: No, no refresher course needed here...
I did a one day ham class that went OK. Pass rate was lower than I'd like to see.
Thursday I did a class on antenna design that went well. One of my demo props broke, so I had to improvise a bit. Life...
I am prepping a class for Tuesday night, a Trans 101 variant for an older gay men's group. The Q&A should be interesting.
In a week the badgers and I hit the road for a trip north, hunting our prey in northern Oregon.
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Quote from: Michelle_P on May 13, 2018, 11:36:31 AM
I can definitely vouch for the effectiveness of Anxiety Companion Honey Badgers.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180513/189ebf3129a45782d35843792e93a627.jpg)
They act as constant reminders of someone I had to work very hard at to catch... Hi, @Laurie !
Special thanks to @Jessica for tracking them down and risking life and limb to send them here!
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It is with pleasure that I do your bidding Mistress Michelle!
My right arm is healing well after having to shake off the grip of one of the twin badgers. I had found them in Missouri when they became sidetracked by the smell of hot gruel. Thinking they found the ever elusive Laurie, they veered off course into a cleverly disguised badger trap. I believe you know who must of set it. The twins were pretty angry and took it out on me when I set them free. I had to rub their bellies to calm them enough to put them in the shipping container you found them in.
Hugs and limps, Lady Jessica
Oh Michelle back tot the torture...alas I may have to venture there again soon as I think there are still some slightly spotty area's...Love the honey badgers they look like they will certainly do the trick.
Hope your Trans 101 goes well along with your pursuit of your elusive prey!!
Take care
Liz
With your slight frame a nice set of breasts will look great you won't have to go to large to get a nice effect
Hmm my ipl girl suggested double f, 's for me 😆
Looking foward to your FFS😊
Madly packing and loading the car for a road trip.
On the road early tomorrow, with the first stop an hour north of here for a bit of electrolysis. I want to be all spiffed up for my girlfriend!
Then, a quick lunch and fuel for the vehicle, and I head north with my trusty badgers, for a week in the howling wilderness of the Portland suburbs.
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Michelle, would you be so kind as to give Miss Laurie a hug for me?
Thanks, Jess
I had a couple of nice head shots taken for use in some future stuff. This was fun, and I am quite happy with the results.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180521/bfd84f9a26f1c18787e0ad35d0950a65.jpg). (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180521/3ab1e832f32d5bcc46322efd79e18f1b.jpg)
Without any retouching, the nice soft lighting seems to have knocked years off of me. Now, how do I make sure that is the only lighting I am seen in? 🤫
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Quote from: Jessica on May 21, 2018, 12:20:12 AM
Michelle, would you be so kind as to give Miss Laurie a hug for me?
Thanks, Jess
Of course, Lady Jessica! My pleasure! ;)
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Quote from: Michelle_P on May 21, 2018, 12:22:09 AM
I had a couple of nice head shots taken for use in some future stuff. This was fun, and I am quite happy with the results.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180521/bfd84f9a26f1c18787e0ad35d0950a65.jpg). (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180521/3ab1e832f32d5bcc46322efd79e18f1b.jpg)
Without any retouching, the nice soft lighting seems to have knocked years off of me. Now, how do I make sure that is the only lighting I am seen in? 🤫
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Very pretty Michelle!
Love that teal top on you Hon. I'll be here worki awaiting your arrival.
Hugs,
Laurie
Very pretty and natural Michelle. You have a lovely smile :)
Peace and love and all that good stuff,
Sadie
On the road, on the hunt...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180521/110c59e6a789cbed059d6bb4306d3b52.jpg)
Passing Mt Shasta.
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Oh no she is hot on my trail... I went right by there during my escape. Darned honey badgers...
Hugs,
Laurie
@Laurie,
Watch out
Laurie.... fun times ahead with
@Michelle_P ....
remember... "pictures or it didn't happen !!"
Hugs to both ....
Danielle
Quote from: Michelle_P on May 21, 2018, 12:22:09 AM
I had a couple of nice head shots taken for use in some future stuff. This was fun, and I am quite happy with the results.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180521/bfd84f9a26f1c18787e0ad35d0950a65.jpg). (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180521/3ab1e832f32d5bcc46322efd79e18f1b.jpg)
Without any retouching, the nice soft lighting seems to have knocked years off of me. Now, how do I make sure that is the only lighting I am seen in? 🤫
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Looking fantastic Michelle [emoji3]
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Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on May 21, 2018, 06:28:09 PM
@Laurie,
Watch out Laurie.... fun times ahead with @Michelle_P ....
remember... "pictures or it didn't happen !!"
Hugs to both ....
Danielle
@Alaskan Danielle There will be pictures but there are some thing you don't get pictures of. There is a TOS remember.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Michelle_P on May 21, 2018, 12:22:09 AM
I had a couple of nice head shots taken for use in some future stuff. This was fun, and I am quite happy with the results.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180521/bfd84f9a26f1c18787e0ad35d0950a65.jpg). (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180521/3ab1e832f32d5bcc46322efd79e18f1b.jpg)
Without any retouching, the nice soft lighting seems to have knocked years off of me. Now, how do I make sure that is the only lighting I am seen in? 🤫
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Very nice pictures and love the color of your outfit. Have a safe trip and enjoy your visit
Quote from: Laurie on May 21, 2018, 07:21:06 PM
@Alaskan Danielle
There will be pictures but there are some thing you don't get pictures of. There is a TOS remember.
Hugs,
Laurie
@Laurie and
@Michelle_P I know the routine, what happens in Portland, stays in Portland
Danielle
I'm not sure why, but my badgers alerted on this location in southern Oregon just off I-5, called "Heaven on Earth"
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180522/dde4e63b411fe3164c6341a5c8f1f22d.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180522/6cf0d81139593b536efd9b66b9a45622.jpg)
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Quote from: Michelle_P on May 21, 2018, 09:19:06 PM
I'm not sure why, but my badgers alerted on this location in southern Oregon just off I-5, called "Heaven on Earth"
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For someone who doesn't plan your badgedr seems awfully organised!! LOL I mean she is obviously organised and
planned to keep an eye on you!!
Ahhh young love ;)
I have located and cornered my objective. [emoji6]
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Help? help? help? Honey badgers don't care. Honey badgers don't give a ______.
Quote from: Laurie on May 22, 2018, 02:17:25 AM
Help? help? help?
Are you asking or telling?
If you really want those of us here on Susan's to come running, you'd be better off yelling, "CHOCOLATE!"
- Stephanie
Quote from: Steph2.0 on May 22, 2018, 06:56:18 AM
Are you asking or telling?
If you really want those of us here on Susan's to come running, you'd be better off yelling, "CHOCOLATE!"
- Stephanie
"PICKLES" might work better for me.HRT killed my taste for sweets... [emoji23]
Quote from: sarah1972 on May 22, 2018, 08:29:10 AM
"PICKLES" might work better for me.HRT killed my taste for sweets... [emoji23]
And if you want people to run away, "CHOCOLATE COVERED PICKLES!"
- Stephanie
Quote from: sarah1972 on May 22, 2018, 08:29:10 AM
"PICKLES" might work better for me.HRT killed my taste for sweets... [emoji23]
@sarah1972 Just like you, I go through many jars of pickles frequently... but I also love my sweets....
I like the idea from
@Steph2.0 however... Chocolate covered pickles!!!!
Quote from: sarah1972 on May 22, 2018, 08:29:10 AM
"PICKLES" might work better for me.HRT killed my taste for sweets... [emoji23]
Bwah-ha-ha, more chocolate for me! ;D
@Steph2.0...
Chocolate covered pickles? Better be careful,
@Alaskan Danielle and I may bump into each other when we come running for those!!!
;D
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on May 22, 2018, 09:09:38 AM
Quote from: sarah1972 on May 22, 2018, 08:29:10 AM
"PICKLES" might work better for me.HRT killed my taste for sweets... [emoji23]
@sarah1972 Just like you, I go through many jars of pickles frequently... but I also love my sweets....
I like the idea from @Steph2.0 however... Chocolate covered pickles!!!!
And no, I will NOT pee on a stick...
Quote from: sarah1972 on May 22, 2018, 09:38:45 AM
@Steph2.0...
Chocolate covered pickles? Better be careful, @Alaskan Danielle and I may bump into each other when we come running for those!!!
;D
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on May 22, 2018, 09:09:38 AM
Quote from: sarah1972 on May 22, 2018, 08:29:10 AM
"PICKLES" might work better for me.HRT killed my taste for sweets... [emoji23]
@sarah1972 Just like you, I go through many jars of pickles frequently... but I also love my sweets....
I like the idea from @Steph2.0 however... Chocolate covered pickles!!!!
Spiro. Lol natchos, natchos and more natchos and by the way pass the natchos and salt shaker.
Quote from: Donna on May 22, 2018, 06:35:38 PM
Spiro. Lol natchos, natchos and more natchos and by the way pass the natchos and salt shaker.
Being on Spiro AND a low sodium diet was not fun. Fortunately, eliminating the source of testosterone also eliminated the need for a low sodium diet, apparently, as well as the need to take spiro.
My blood pressure has been delightfully normal post-op!
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Soon oh so soon those pesky little nuts will be someone else's property.
Can't wait for July to get the date set
Donna, it really does seem to help. I had the body dysphoria, of course. It also seems that removing the source of testosterone, rather than just blocking it, has altered development.
I've definitely gained on the hips, and lost an inch off the waist post-op. Breast development has restarted, and that old familiar soreness is often there.
There seem to be lots of benefits for me. ;D
I have finally broken free of Mistress Michelle's badger enclosure. She led them away days ago, quietly and early. She did not alert me to her plans and left me with a tray of gruel and a hamster drip for water. I have been feverishly looking for the way
@Laurie escaped by. Little did I know it was the Bobbie pin to the rescue. I found Laurie's in the badgers sleeping area. Made quick work of the lock and joined in here to find what was going on!
Oh my! Lady Jessica
Quote from: Michelle_P on May 24, 2018, 12:51:45 PM
Donna, it really does seem to help. I had the body dysphoria, of course. It also seems that removing the source of testosterone, rather than just blocking it, has altered development.
I've definitely gained on the hips, and lost an inch off the waist post-op. Breast development has restarted, and that old familiar soreness is often there.
There seem to be lots of benefits for me. ;D
Thanks Michelle, I can't truly say I've had time for dysphoria. I've not slowed down since coming out to my wife. I'm cool with the boys leaving and it's not making me nuts( pardon the pun) to wait as I know this is going to give me one part of my dream down and many more to go. What will give me angst is if something interferes with the removal, as in the 50 day UTI I'm currently bonding with——yucky. I'm looking forward to more feminization in what ever form it happens to be. To quote the great scholar Forest Gump life is a box of chocolates, eat them before they melt or something like that
I spent today in the company of
@Laurie exploring northwest Oregon, and ultimately ending up in Astoria.
We met up with
@Tessa James and enjoyed a nice dinner and conversation, along with even more tourism.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180525/b2c5d416f702e08599d99a862d0b927f.jpg)
Rumor is that a large Pride event is coming up the second weekend in June in Astoria, Oregon.
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Wow - great photo! And so glad you are there.
Quote from: Kendra on May 25, 2018, 03:44:35 AM
Wow - great photo! And so glad you are there.
Thanks! And I am happy to be here. I plan on returning for Astoria Pride in a few weeks, possibly with someone else from the SF Bay Area. :)
Even better, I just found out that one of my nephews is nearby, and one of my brothers and another nephew are planning a get-together in a small town just above Tacoma, WA for Sunday. I'm working out details, but just might be heading up there for a 'Meet Michelle' visit.
She's only been here 3 full days and already wants to leave. See how she is? She comes up, gets her Laurie fix and wants to run home.
(https://i.imgur.com/D8heTJ6.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/zo0EGqM.jpg)
Quote from: Laurie on May 25, 2018, 02:54:37 PM
She's only been here 3 full days and already wants to leave. See how she is? She comes up, gets her Laurie fix and wants to run home.
(https://i.imgur.com/D8heTJ6.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/zo0EGqM.jpg)
@Laurie what have you been doing to that poor woman to make her want to leave...lol
Good to see you two having such a good time!
Liz [emoji3]
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We need a separate LauMi thread (along with a MeDev thread...) ;D ;D ;D
Glad you are having so much fun together!'
Hugs,
You must have left out the "special" ingredients from the magic cookies
She may have figured out what I have been feeding her in the breakfasts I have been cooking her.
Quote from: davina61 on May 25, 2018, 03:02:59 PM
You must have left out the "special" ingredients from the magic cookies
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Quote from: Michelle_P on May 25, 2018, 02:30:41 PM
Thanks! And I am happy to be here. I plan on returning for Astoria Pride in a few weeks, possibly with someone else from the SF Bay Area. :)
Even better, I just found out that one of my nephews is nearby, and one of my brothers and another nephew are planning a get-together in a small town just above Tacoma, WA for Sunday. I'm working out details, but just might be heading up there for a 'Meet Michelle' visit.
Hope there's room in your Prius for my wardrobe! Now I know why my wife always had twice the luggage. Lol
Hugs and smiles, Jess
Quote from: Michelle_P on May 25, 2018, 01:00:47 AM
I spent today in the company of @Laurie exploring northwest Oregon, and ultimately ending up in Astoria.
We met up with @Tessa James and enjoyed a nice dinner and conversation, along with even more tourism.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180525/b2c5d416f702e08599d99a862d0b927f.jpg)
Rumor is that a large Pride event is coming up the second weekend in June in Astoria, Oregon.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Great picture. Been over that. My wife and I just love that area and we stay in seaside when down that way. Happy you had a great time
I coerced Laurie into my vehicle instead of her trusty truck, and then... Oh, the horror of it all!... Then I drove her into downtown Portland so I could raid Powell's Books for a bit of trans-feminist theory and a biography that was out of print. Laurie doesn't care for urban spaces, it seems.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180527/76516f0deb66303319f26f1d94b3ae6a.jpg)
Tomorrow, I'm going solo into Washington state, to visit family members I have not seen in many years. They have never seen ME, of course, so this will be interesting. One is the nephew, who, when he heard about my coming out, called and left a voicemail message "Aunt Michelle? I heard about..."
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Sounds like you've gained acceptance with your nephew! How wonderful you are for going on this visit. They need to meet the real you!
Hugs and smiles, Jess
Quote from: Michelle_P on May 27, 2018, 12:04:20 AM
I coerced Laurie into my vehicle instead of her trusty truck, and then... Oh, the horror of it all!... Then I drove her into downtown Portland so I could raid Powell's Books for a bit of trans-feminist theory and a biography that was out of print. Laurie doesn't care for urban spaces, it seems.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180527/76516f0deb66303319f26f1d94b3ae6a.jpg)
Tomorrow, I'm going solo into Washington state, to visit family members I have not seen in many years. They have never seen ME, of course, so this will be interesting. One is the nephew, who, when he heard about my coming out, called and left a voicemail message "Aunt Michelle? I heard about..."
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It's great that people pick up on and change the terms by which they call you. My sister immediately said she always wanted a big sister, my youngest brother wife calls me sister in law all the time and aunt Donna is very common in the family now. It feels and sound fabulous
The visit with my family went well. I'm pretty sure I startled my brother when I drove up to the house. Well, he looked like his eyes were about to pop out of his head, anyway. I was dressed in a simple black and white patterned dress, and my usual hair and makeup. I guess my appearance has changes a bit in 8 years, though.
He pretty quickly recovered, and he and his wife seem to be just fine with me. Our conversations were pretty general sorts of things, family, catching up, who's where and doing what...
My nephew and his wife and daughter were fine with me as well. The little girl is quite bright and clever, something I love to see being expressed and supported. My nephew's wife has a sister who's spouse has transitioned, and they have a family friend who has transitioned as well. They've been very supportive.
We did a bit of sleuthing around one of my brothers, who I know had DES exposure similar to mine and was more like me in childhood than my other brothers. This brother vanished after announcing that they were moving and selling their condominium. Through some internet searching, did identify a person with a female version of their name associated with the old condo address, and that person had 'possible family members' suggested by the search databases as, well, US.
Perhaps they did the stealth transition thing. I'm not sure if we should reach out to them and let then know they have support within the family, or if they would consider that stalking. We're thinking about this before acting or deciding to leave it alone.
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Quote from: Michelle_P on May 28, 2018, 01:28:24 PMThrough some internet searching, did identify a person with a female version of their name associated with the old condo address, and that person had 'possible family members' suggested by the search databases as, well, US.
Wow, that's quite a development! Obviously, you know to tread carefully. It would certainly be cool to find a long-lost sister, and cool for her to find that she has a sister she didn't know about.
Congratulations, too, on reconnecting with your other family members!
@Laurie and I are out at a Memorial Day picnic at Tyee Cellars near Corvallis, OR. Good jazz, and new friends from this area, including @RobynD.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180528/fb391078fc05623d9be8f91950e7cc28.jpg)
I'm pretty sure that at this point I am definitely passing the Real Life Experience rest... it's just real life now. Ant THAT is a real relief!
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You both look like you're living the REAL Life! I love your necklace.
Judi
Quote from: Michelle_P on May 28, 2018, 06:55:48 PM
@Laurie and I are out at a Memorial Day picnic at Tyee Cellars near Corvallis, OR. Good jazz, and new friends from this area, including @RobynD.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180528/fb391078fc05623d9be8f91950e7cc28.jpg)
I'm pretty sure that at this point I am definitely passing the Real Life Experience rest... it's just real life now. Ant THAT is a real relief!
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Two very happy gals...great too see!!
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Quote from: Michelle_P on May 28, 2018, 06:55:48 PM
@Laurie and I are out at a Memorial Day picnic at Tyee Cellars near Corvallis, OR. Good jazz, and new friends from this area, including @RobynD.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180528/fb391078fc05623d9be8f91950e7cc28.jpg)
I'm pretty sure that at this point I am definitely passing the Real Life Experience rest... it's just real life now. Ant THAT is a real relief!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Ahh, look at you two!💕🌸💕🌸💕
It was so awesome to meet you two! Thank you so much for reaching out to me. It was a really beautiful afternoon at the winery. When Oregon weather is good, it's really good :)
Quote from: RobynD on May 29, 2018, 10:23:20 AM
It was so awesome to meet you two! Thank you so much for reaching out to me. It was a really beautiful afternoon at the winery. When Oregon weather is good, it's really good :)
We also had a good time at the winery listening to good jazz and meeting the three of you. Just for the skeptic here it did happen..
(https://i.imgur.com/ElL9J2O.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/TIIGsfz.jpg)
Hugs,
Laurie
Aww.. you two are so cute together! So happy you found each other.
Quote from: Michelle_P on May 28, 2018, 06:55:48 PM
@Laurie and I are out at a Memorial Day picnic at Tyee Cellars near Corvallis, OR. Good jazz, and new friends from this area, including @RobynD.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180528/fb391078fc05623d9be8f91950e7cc28.jpg)
I'm pretty sure that at this point I am definitely passing the Real Life Experience rest... it's just real life now. Ant THAT is a real relief!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Laurie and I figured out how to simultaneously break the Internet and drive my boarder crazy.
We updated our Facebook status to "in a relationship." That was good for something like a hundred reactions and comments from friends and family.
The most entertaining part for me were the constant audible alert chimes from my phone and tablet.
My boarder is famous in her circle for selfie posting and the Facebook reactions she enjoys as a result, which give the same audible alert chime. Now it was MY gadgets making all the noise.
[emoji56]
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Quote from: Michelle_P on June 06, 2018, 05:45:00 PM
Laurie and I figured out how to simultaneously break the Internet and drive my boarder crazy.
We updated our Facebook status to "in a relationship." That was good for something like a hundred reactions and comments from friends and family.
The most entertaining part for me were the constant audible alert chimes from my phone and tablet.
My boarder is famous in her circle for selfie posting and the Facebook reactions she enjoys as a result, which give the same audible alert chime. Now it was MY gadgets making all the noise.
[emoji56]
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
You know it's official when your gadgets beep :D
Peace and love and all that good stuff,
Sadie
That is wonderful! Let the beeping continue! You two always look so happy in the photos! What a great thing it is to share one's life with another!
All the Best!
Hugs,
Kelly
Lady Jessica, the honey badgers and I are hot on the trail of my prey.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180608/bb261d56efbddeee15e8daafff7585c0.jpg)
The badgers have her scent!
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Aww... Congratulations! Now it is really official! (Facebook official)!
Are you now both getting a "Significant Other" badge? Maybe Susan needs to add a "Certified Susan's Couple" badge... There are more candidates deserving this ;D ;D ;D
Quote from: sarah1972 on June 08, 2018, 07:18:48 AM
Aww... Congratulations! Now it is really official! (Facebook official)!
Are you now both getting a "Significant Other" badge? Maybe Susan needs to add a "Certified Susan's Couple" badge... There are more candidates deserving this ;D ;D ;D
I like this idea
@sarah1972, the lovely couple deserve recognition.
Hugs and smiles, Lady Jessica
We're on the road to Astoria!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180609/d92c7e47bbbe5874282d8ee747395838.jpg)
@Laurie, @Jessica and I are heading to Astoria Pride, now that we have succeeded in capturing Laurie.
The big gala show is tonight, and after the cocktail hour, we've headed down to the theater.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180609/e47bb14357272cb454cd6dfcf65e6277.jpg)
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Home from Astoria Pride, and settling back in. It's hot here in the San Francisco east bay.
I'm finally trying something a little different.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180612/fc85926b15f3fc8d1ecb84c322a41bcb.jpg)
Lighter hair style for summer. I do like it.
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I like it too. It looks cute on you Michelle.
The style looks great on you! The lighter colour does suit you, too!
Very nice! It suits you well, Michelle!
Stephanie
I agree it does suit you, as they say do something new every day.
lovely Michelle! not that you aren't always, that's a no-brainer :-)
I agree with Sadie. But regardless of the hair style, the joy radiating from your face is very neat to see! And I love the dragon fly pin.
Tia Anne
Quote from: Anne Blake on June 12, 2018, 06:51:20 PM
I agree with Sadie. But regardless of the hair style, the joy radiating from your face is very neat to see! And I love the dragon fly pin.
Tia Anne
Thank you, Tia Anne. I'm actually, really, truly happy these days,an interesting change after 50 years.
The dragonfly pin was a lovely gift from Laurie.
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Quote from: Michelle_P on June 12, 2018, 01:12:50 PM
Home from Astoria Pride, and settling back in. It's hot here in the San Francisco east bay.
I'm finally trying something a little different.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180612/fc85926b15f3fc8d1ecb84c322a41bcb.jpg)
Lighter hair style for summer. I do like it.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I like it Michelle! Cooler and hip!
Glad you had a great time...you all looked pretty revved up when I saw you.
I like the new look...very much [emoji3]
Take care
Liz
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What IS it with transgender women and pickles?
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180619/045384aec977d0e498d9d710a9ed6c35.jpg)
I opened this jar 6 hours ago. With my two house guests it is half gone already!
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Quote from: Michelle_P on June 18, 2018, 10:36:54 PM
What IS it with transgender women and pickles?
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180619/045384aec977d0e498d9d710a9ed6c35.jpg)
I opened this jar 6 hours ago. With my two house guests it is half gone already!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
@Michelle_P ... I go through a large jar of dill pickles every week or sometimes more often and also I crave green olives.
Thanks for sharing this factual tidbit about us trans-women!!!
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Michelle_P on June 18, 2018, 10:36:54 PM
What IS it with transgender women and pickles?
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180619/045384aec977d0e498d9d710a9ed6c35.jpg)
I opened this jar 6 hours ago. With my two house guests it is half gone already!
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I haven't felt the cravings really, until I bought some Clausens (my fav) last week.
Gone in a day, by myself. Oink
Quote from: Michelle_P on June 18, 2018, 10:36:54 PM
What IS it with transgender women and pickles?
I opened this jar 6 hours ago. With my two house guests it is half gone already!
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So my recent purchase of a jar of dill pickles that I use on my sandwiches is hormonally driven? I hadn't done this in eons, until recently.
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Are those from Soul Source?
Quote from: Kendra on June 19, 2018, 11:22:40 AM
Are those from Soul Source?
@Michelle_P @Jessica @Kendra @anne_indy I got mine at Costco... not every Costco has all the same stuff so yours may not have the exact ones.
When I went on my overnight long distance shopping trip to Anchorage last month with my gym-girls group I bought 6 big jars, and I only have 1 jar left.
Love "them" pickles!!!
Hugs,
Danielle
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Kendra on June 19, 2018, 11:22:40 AM
Are those from Soul Source?
I'm going to write and complain about the size.
I think I need some of the big gherkins!
Danielle, these are from the local Costco. [emoji6]
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More fun with hair.
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Oh, decisions, decisions...
(Not really. I'm going with that last one. Although the others are cute with the right facial shape...)
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That is the one I liked the best for you!
Quote from: Michelle_P on June 18, 2018, 10:36:54 PM
What IS it with transgender women and pickles?
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180619/045384aec977d0e498d9d710a9ed6c35.jpg)
I opened this jar 6 hours ago. With my two house guests it is half gone already!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Got one before they were gone. Laurie claimed innocence, as she was drinking a pickle juice cocktail.
Sonic Drive-Ins (http://ir.sonicdrivein.com/releasedetail.cfm?releaseid=1069689) have created a Pickle Juice Slush. Eeeww.
Quote from: Kendra on June 20, 2018, 11:20:21 AM
Sonic Drive-Ins (http://ir.sonicdrivein.com/releasedetail.cfm?releaseid=1069689) have created a Pickle Juice Slush. Eeeww.
@Kendra @Laurie had me try pickle juice.... it was quite tasty. Have you tried it? It did sound eeeww to me at first, but I was wrong, imho.
I haven't attempted pickle juice. Transition is a work in progress.
Love the style your avatar look great too👍😊
Thank you, Drexy. I don't know if the pickle juice was an influence.
We just had our Pride weekend in San Francisco, preceded by Trans March. The March is still a protest march, rather than the official Pride celebration on Saturday and Sunday.
I don't go to the Sunday commercial Pride event any more. It doesn't feel right to be a spectator watching corporate floats go by, rather than a participant.
Saturday is traditionally the big lesbian celebration, Dyke March, and in the past has welcomed all lesbian identifying people, including people of color and women who happen to be transgender. While that was the official policy, this event had some distinctly unwelcoming moments.
A group outside the Good Vibrations store was swarming and shouting at trans women as they passed. One of my friends shouted back and was struck on the back by a walking stick with a brass head, wielded by a woman in a dark tank top and leggings. She's OK, just bruised and sore.
Dyke March is off my To Do list now. That isn't the sort of "community" I care to associate with.
I finished out Saturday cooling off at a friends house at an informal pool party, with other local trans women and some SOs. That was nice in the 100 degree inland heat.
Sunday I did my Worship Associate thing at church, while wearing my trans pride dress. [emoji4] I gave a three minute speech on the history of the Pride event and why it is celebrated.
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Monday I was back to electrolysis, a two hour "fuzz hunt" at this point. Next week we will spend my appointment on tidying up the eyebrows. [emoji16]
My girlfriend has been doing some neat stuff too. I'm very proud of her, but she can tell you the details if she cares to.
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Always the busy bee aren't you Michelle. You looked good in your Trans-colors dress and pixey hair style. But then again I AM just a bit biased. I'll have to see if I can distract you from some of your business so you can relax.
Hugs,
Laurie
Ouch Michelle what is happening to San Francisco? So different from my pride experience.
I want to just note that there's no way anyone who would do that was associated or condoned by Good Vibrations! A close friend is a founder of that business and she and that establishment have always been 111% welcoming of trans women.
Quote from: SadieBlake on June 27, 2018, 10:41:07 PM
Ouch Michelle what is happening to San Francisco? So different from my pride experience.
I want to just note that there's no way anyone who would do that was associated or condoned by Good Vibrations! A close friend is a founder of that business and she and that establishment have always been 111% welcoming of trans women.
I didn't think it had anything to do with the store. That's just where these unpleasant people decided to hang out.
There are not many of them, but there are enough that one might be in a meetup group at an event I am interested in joining, or in a venue hosting an event I am interested in. Between the rants and attempts to provoke a fight, they pretty much ruin the event for me.
I may just give up on lesbian/queer spaces as places to relax or have fun. Safer and more relaxing to just hang out with friendly ciswomen or trans-only spaces.
You can hang out with me Michelle. hint hint
Hugs,
Laurie
I am exactly the same. I cannot get enough off it. My favourites are:
1. Branston Pickle
2. Piccalile
3. US Pickles (they sometimes get served here in Burgers)
4. Pickled Onions with English Fish & Chips (defininly a West Country habit).
My favourite though is
Ham (US calls it Canadian Bacon) , Eggs (2x sunny side up) with chips and Branston pickle.
or Cheddar or Wesleydale cheese with Branston pickle on a tangy biscuit
JudithLynn
Stop it. Lol your making me hungry alrwady
Well, another week has gone by, and I'm still around. Yay me! ;)
I had my electrolysis last week, a two hour fuzz hunt over much of my face, zapping things that liked like they MIGHT become terminal hairs someday, longer vellus hairs, and such. I won't have anything for my next session, so my electrolyst and I decided that perhaps it is time to tidy up the eyebrows. Brow work is a little different as the follicles have a short active growth phase, a few weeks, and a several months long dormant phase. Not many are zappable at any one time, but they do need to be hit every few weeks to try and catch follicles in that short active phase when they can be treated, and the work lasts several months. *SIGH*
The week has been spent mostly doing some writing, as I get to lead a Unitarian Universalist service on July 8. That means doing a Welcome, Joys and Sorrows rituals, sermon and Benediction. I also get to work with the musicians and my worship associate on other details. Yow! My first time in this particular barrel. And, NO, I am so NOT enrolling in Divinity School and becoming a minister!
I did manage to go off with some friends to a nearby pub yesterday to try a few things. Hot, hot weather here, so a beer was had. At a friend's recommendation, since I enjoy dark stouts, I tried the pub's "Belching Beaver". (Hrmph! Don't even thing about posting that joke. It won't survive moderation.) More like a chocolate liqueur than a beer, very rich, with a hit of peanut butter atop the chocolate. The Greek salad I got was serviceable, nothing more, but the beers were interesting.
Today was church, a bit of socializing, a bit of note taking to make sure I get the details right next week, and a bit of planning after service. I think I now have my Welcome, Sermon, and Benediction written. Until I re-read and decide to revise...
I never thought I'd be doing THIS at this point in my life...
The sermon is "Embracing the Unexpected". That would be ME, in the pulpit! It is built around the theme of summer vacation trips, travel, and such, but is actually about resiliency. Good one, huh?
Quote from: Michelle_P on July 01, 2018, 08:57:56 PM
Well, another week has gone by, and I'm still around. Yay me! ;)
I had my electrolysis last week, a two hour fuzz hunt over much of my face, zapping things that liked like they MIGHT become terminal hairs someday, longer vellus hairs, and such. I won't have anything for my next session, so my electrolyst and I decided that perhaps it is time to tidy up the eyebrows. Brow work is a little different as the follicles have a short active growth phase, a few weeks, and a several months long dormant phase. Not many are zappable at any one time, but they do need to be hit every few weeks to try and catch follicles in that short active phase when they can be treated, and the work lasts several months. *SIGH*
The week has been spent mostly doing some writing, as I get to lead a Unitarian Universalist service on July 8. That means doing a Welcome, Joys and Sorrows rituals, sermon and Benediction. I also get to work with the musicians and my worship associate on other details. Yow! My first time in this particular barrel. And, NO, I am so NOT enrolling in Divinity School and becoming a minister!
I did manage to go off with some friends to a nearby pub yesterday to try a few things. Hot, hot weather here, so a beer was had. At a friend's recommendation, since I enjoy dark stouts, I tried the pub's "Belching Beaver". (Hrmph! Don't even thing about posting that joke. It won't survive moderation.) More like a chocolate liqueur than a beer, very rich, with a hit of peanut butter atop the chocolate. The Greek salad I got was serviceable, nothing more, but the beers were interesting.
Today was church, a bit of socializing, a bit of note taking to make sure I get the details right next week, and a bit of planning after service. I think I now have my Welcome, Sermon, and Benediction written. Until I re-read and decide to revise...
I never thought I'd be doing THIS at this point in my life...
The sermon is "Embracing the Unexpected". That would be ME, in the pulpit! It is built around the theme of summer vacation trips, travel, and such, but is actually about resiliency. Good one, huh?
As I remember 10:30 correct?
You should try my favorite, the "Biting Badger", it has a hint of honey and long in the tooth!
Hugs and smiles, Jess
The service I'm leading is July 8 at 10:15 in the morning. PM me for details.
I spent an hour of electrolysis time on eyebrows and almost an hour clearing odds and ends on the face. The brows will take a little time every few weeks for almost a year to get rid of the unwanted hairs. Brow hairs are active and zappable for about 3 weeks, and then go dormant for 7 months, more or less. Tedious ...
Now my face is sore, and I have a headache and feel cranky. Not great.
At least I have the sermon and other big parts of the service done. I still have to get pieces for the childrens section in place and get the hymns nailed down. Alas, I have no taste or skill in hymn selection.
So, there I am. Feeling yucky, boarder with the TV too loud, achy, and no girlfriend around. That last is my fault. I wouldn't be good company while I was writing and suggested she stay away.
Probably yet another mistake on my part. I'm pretty good at making mistakes, a skill I have honed my whole life.
I just hope she can forgive me.
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Try taking 2 aspirin and going to bed. There's nothing to forgive so just forget. We'll have to get together sometime.
Quote from: Michelle_P on July 02, 2018, 06:56:56 PM
...
So, there I am. Feeling yucky, boarder with the TV too loud, achy, and no girlfriend around. That last is my fault. I wouldn't be good company while I was writing and suggested she stay away.
Probably yet another mistake on my part. I'm pretty good at making mistakes, a skill I have honed my whole life.
I just hope she can forgive me.
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I can tell from her response she may never ever forgive you... ;)
Feeling yucky is horrible...time to treat yourself??
Hope the face ache and head ache both go away quickly and I am sure it wont be too long before you and that reprobate girlfriend of yours can get together ;D will make it all the more fun ;)
Take care girls
Liz
Quote from: ElizabethK on July 02, 2018, 08:32:07 PM
I can tell from her response she may never ever forgive you... ;)
Feeling yucky is horrible...time to treat yourself??
Hope the face ache and head ache both go away quickly and I am sure it wont be too long before you and that reprobate girlfriend of yours can get together ;D will make it all the more fun ;)
Take care girls
Liz
I may just knock myself out for the night shortly. More sleep should help. But, yuck!
I may also make a little treat for myself. Warm chocolate chip cookie topped with berries and gelato?
Quote from: Michelle_P on July 02, 2018, 09:44:20 PM
I may just knock myself out for the night shortly. More sleep should help. But, yuck!
I may also make a little treat for myself. Warm chocolate chip cookie topped with berries and gelato?
I'll have a bowl thanks :D
Quote from: Michelle_P on July 02, 2018, 09:44:20 PM
I may just knock myself out for the night shortly. More sleep should help. But, yuck!
I may also make a little treat for myself. Warm chocolate chip cookie topped with berries and gelato?
I'm coming over!
Quote from: Jessica on July 02, 2018, 11:28:44 PM
I'm coming over!
You missed that, AND the French toast with blueberry compote this morning.
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Too slow!
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With my feeling 'off' the past few days, I re-checked some of the material I've been writing.
Damn.
It looks like depression is returning to wrap me in it's black, smothering blanket again. No wonder I haven't felt like doing ANYTHING. It's been an effort to just take care of myself the past few days. This stinks.
My HMO has a group session tonight. I will definitely be there.
Been there done that recently sister, my doc suggested going back on antidepressants a couple of weeks ago. I think the mere mention may be scaring my blues away.
Whatever the reason, 3 months of fairly black moods served to remind me that transition alone doesn't solve all of life's problems and I'm allowing that my depressive response isn't totally out of proportion to the stimuli.
Keep on keeping on Michelle.
S
Quote from: Michelle_P on July 03, 2018, 05:26:06 PM
With my feeling 'off' the past few days, I re-checked some of the material I've been writing.
Damn.
It looks like depression is returning to wrap me in it's black, smothering blanket again. No wonder I haven't felt like doing ANYTHING. It's been an effort to just take care of myself the past few days. This stinks.
My HMO has a group session tonight. I will definitely be there.
@Michelle_P .... please don't let depression get the upper hand.... nip it in the bud.
Perhaps it might be good to visit my "Positive Mindset ... put away negativity" thread and get charged up again.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,238255.0.html
Hugs, and well wishes.... and also remember you have that Church Service that you are leading on July 8th... that thought alone should encourage you.
Danielle
Michelle I feel for you as I am in the same place. I am trying to be positive, but more resigned. I have found myself becoming less active and this just leads to more weight, poor quality sleep, and greater isolation.
Danielle, thanks for upper thread! I check it regularly and I know the positive framing of thought is important. I often find myself at the point of not caring. I know this is depression speaking. I was a therapist and worked with both children and adults who were depressed. Moving from the stuck position to unstuck is difficult, especially when one believes that there is no possibility of change. This is perception I know, but it where I am.
To all who are in this place, looking beyond today to tomorrow, next week or next month helps. This is what has helped me so far. This and thinking of others in our lives! Not simple and does not always work for me.
All the Best as we journey along our paths!
Hugs,
Kelly
The very first thing you have in your corner is your insight. This along with you ability to act are both positives when dealing with depression. Its a nasty sneaky thing and I myself am just climbing out from under its smothering blanket and I really do understand what you mean when you say wrapping around you. I hope you can ward off the worst of it with some support. I am sure your girlfriend will be their to provide expert assistance.
Take care
Thank you, everyone.
Key to this is knowing what is going on. Having caught it early,
I can process it and avoid the worst. I suspect it is here because of
overwhelming short term demands on my time and a lack of self-care.
I have a huge block of time set aside soon, just for myself and one special person, and that should help.
I'm doing my positive affirmation again, running through my metta at each meditation session, twice daily.
I'm not going to let it get worse
Quote from: Michelle_P on July 04, 2018, 01:09:53 AM
I have a huge block of time set aside soon, just for myself and one special person, and that should help.
I'm doing my positive affirmation again, running through my metta at each meditation session, twice daily.
I'm not going to let it get worse
And not if I can help it.
Phew!
I got though conducting my first Unitarian Universalist service, with no disasters. My sermon on resilience, Embracing the Unexpected (http://michellepaquette.blogspot.com/2018/07/embracing-unexpected-july-8-2018-sermon.html) was received very well by the congregation. First unexpected item for the day was me in the pulpit!
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After service I was in the reception line for folks coming into coffee hour, and that also went well. Everyone I talked to found something for themselves in the sermon, which I was very happy to hear. I think some members were relieved that they didn't get a Gender Identity 101 sermon from me based on a couple comments, but that was a secondary goal for me, to deliberately craft a strong message with broad appeal that did not stem from the one topic some may associate with me. I'm more than that!
Early this afternoon I hosted a brunch at a local Sunday buffet for several people, including four folks who had 'won' brunch with me last October in a fundraiser for the church, and
@Laurie and
@Jessica. This went very well, with plenty of good conversation and delicious overindulgences.
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Wow girl that is just amazing. That had to be a wonderful feeling to get up there and do all you did. I doubt I could have done that.
Congratulations and my respect to you
Quote from: Michelle_P on July 08, 2018, 09:09:09 PM
Phew!
I got though conducting my first Unitarian Universalist service, with no disasters. My sermon on resilience, Embracing the Unexpected (http://michellepaquette.blogspot.com/2018/07/embracing-unexpected-july-8-2018-sermon.html) was received very well by the congregation. First unexpected item for the day was me in the pulpit!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180709/fb78289be9561f3362ed369dcf79e120.jpg)
After service I was in the reception line for folks coming into coffee hour, and that also went well. Everyone I talked to found something for themselves in the sermon, which I was very happy to hear. I think some members were relieved that they didn't get a Gender Identity 101 sermon from me based on a couple comments, but that was a secondary goal for me, to deliberately craft a strong message with broad appeal that did not stem from the one topic some may associate with me. I'm more than that!
Early this afternoon I hosted a brunch at a local Sunday buffet for several people, including four folks who had 'won' brunch with me last October in a fundraiser for the church, and @Laurie and @Jessica. This went very well, with plenty of good conversation and delicious overindulgences.
Michelle, you
are much more than that! You have that correct.
Your sermon was very inclusive to anyone that was there. I found many parallels to my life in it as I'm certain everyone did.
Thank you for inviting me to this wonderfully accepting group of lovers of life and humanity.
Brunch was lovely, fine foods with great conversation and friendship.
Thank you again, Jess
Quote from: Michelle_P on July 08, 2018, 09:09:09 PM
Phew!
I got though conducting my first Unitarian Universalist service, with no disasters. My sermon on resilience, Embracing the Unexpected (http://michellepaquette.blogspot.com/2018/07/embracing-unexpected-july-8-2018-sermon.html) was received very well by the congregation. First unexpected item for the day was me in the pulpit!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180709/fb78289be9561f3362ed369dcf79e120.jpg)
After service I was in the reception line for folks coming into coffee hour, and that also went well. Everyone I talked to found something for themselves in the sermon, which I was very happy to hear. I think some members were relieved that they didn't get a Gender Identity 101 sermon from me based on a couple comments, but that was a secondary goal for me, to deliberately craft a strong message with broad appeal that did not stem from the one topic some may associate with me. I'm more than that!
Early this afternoon I hosted a brunch at a local Sunday buffet for several people, including four folks who had 'won' brunch with me last October in a fundraiser for the church, and @Laurie and @Jessica. This went very well, with plenty of good conversation and delicious overindulgences.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180709/8dfbe453a2bef07c370a48e92ea8d510.jpg)
@Michelle_P Dear Michelle: Thank you so very much for posting this... I have been anticipating your update about you leading the July 8th service since you announced it last week.
You look
wonderful and beautiful behind the pulpit...
Congratulations on your message that was warmly received as was confirmed by comments that members made at the after service coffee hour.
Your picture that you posted of the brunch with
@Jessica and
@Laurie is absolutely wonderful for all of us to see. Both of those ladies look beautiful in their "Sunday best"
Again, thank you for posting this.... wonderful to read and to see...
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Michelle, that's wonderful, wish I could have been there. I wonder if you have your speaking notes, I'd love to read your sermon.
Also so glad Laurie was back ... I shouldn't be surprised of course but I have the sort of brain that takes in what happened last and runs with that as reality so as you were writing about your creative process and being alone with your longer, that's how I'd projected your giving your sermon.
Hugs &c
This is so great to see, and after re-reading I spotted the link to your sermon (http://michellepaquette.blogspot.com/2018/07/embracing-unexpected-july-8-2018-sermon.html) contained in your post and read that. I see why this was received so well, reading your sermon caused me to think about several things.
The photo of you, Laurie (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?action=profile;u=52431), and Jessica (http://jessica) at brunch. I see so much in this wonderful photo - you are all glowing. A journey well earned.
Thank you, Kendra, for reposting the link to the sermon.
Michelle, what a beautifully written piece! As any good presentation of its type should, it has made me think. Strength versus resiliency... hmmm. I think I've learned something.
My favorite line, though:
Should I get in the truck with her the next time she leaves? Yes, of course I should.
Michelle's coming to visit! Squeeee!
Stephanie
My Sunday sermon was "Embrace the Unexpected". Well, seeing ME in the pulpit counts as being unexpected, right?
The sermon was on the topic of resilience, in individuals and community.
The sermon video recording is now on line. There were some technical glitches with the stream but it is still usable. The video runs about 15 minutes. I've also put the sermon text up on a blog page.
Sermon from July 8, 2018:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OYhCLMbTLS4&feature=youtu.be
Full sermon text:
http://michellepaquette.blogspot.com/2018/07/embracing-unexpected-july-8-2018-sermon.html?m=1
Late for me so book marked and will read tomorrow - A new angle on the website that was unexpected but very much welcome.
Bless
Love
Katie
Well done Michelle,
The concept of resiliency as defined by physicists or engineers is interesting but moving the aspects of this to the human condition or more directly to a specific human journey is truly worth noticing. I joined Susan's Place two years ago, not far from the time you joined and I have been watching your journey all along. Honestly, two years ago I would not have given either of us much of a chance of surviving and much less of thriving. Your journey is a study in resilience combined with both the ability to learn and the synergy of a whole being so much greater than the parts that were present back then. Well done girl!
Tia Anne
Hi
Your sermon was really good, well put together for the audience, thought provoking and very well presented. It is one that I shall watch again.
Next time go, I agree. I would as well.
Katie
;D
Wow! Thank you, everyone, for looking at and commenting on this. @Jessica and @Laurie were able to come and see the presentation at the church, very much appreciated.
Quote from: Anne Blake on July 09, 2018, 11:23:01 PM
I joined Susan's Place two years ago, not far from the time you joined and I have been watching your journey all along. Honestly, two years ago I would not have given either of us much of a chance of surviving and much less of thriving. Your journey is a study in resilience combined with both the ability to learn and the synergy of a whole being so much greater than the parts that were present back then. Well done girl!
I did have the concept of resilience and our experience in transition in mind when I wrote the sermon, but I deliberately avoided bringing the transgender experience into the presentation. Some may argue with this, but I had a secondary goal in the sermon of demonstrating that there is more to trans persons than just being trans. Life is not all about just gender identity.
Tia Anne, you have absolutely hit it on the head. Resilience is a key property in our ability to successfully transition to living our authentic lives. We have to continuously respond and adjust to changes within ourselves, our situation, and those around us. We need to have a rich set of tools to cope with change and develop our responses and revised plans, and we need the community of trust and support to lend us the support and skill needed to rebound from stresses, develop our resilience, and thrive.
Quote from: Katie Again on July 10, 2018, 11:55:58 AM
Your sermon was really good, well put together for the audience, thought provoking and very well presented. It is one that I shall watch again.
Next time go, I agree. I would as well.
Thank you, Katie. It was fun to ask that question from the pulpit and hear voices throughout the congregation shout "Yes!"
I was very happy to have the level of attention and engagement that I saw in the congregation Sunday. This was a remarkable experience.
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Tuesday night, on the second Tuesday of the month... time for the ham radio club to meet!
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Now THIS is a real life experience! Zero misgendering here, BTW. I transitioned to full time WHILE I was the club president.
"Good evening, I am your club president, Michelle P. Welcome to our monthly meeting. Tonight's speakers..."
🤣
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How cool, Michelle! That's the same night I run our flying club meeting - and so appropriate, since you were my inspiration as I accepted being voted in as president for the fifth time... and the first time.
Its awesome that you don't get misgendered! It happened to me twice last month, and I was called "Steve" once tonight (quickly corrected and covered up). Maybe hams are more enlightened than pilots.
Still, something wonderful happened at the meeting tonight. If you're curious, I wrote about it in my personal thread.
Stephanie
Steph, it's common for hams to refer to each other by callsign, which probably helps. [emoji6] That said quite a few also refer to me as Michelle.
I saw that event in your personal thread. Isn't being accepted as yourself a wonderful thing?
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Respect 👍
The video of my July 8 2018 sermon is online!
"Expect the Unexpected" - Michelle Paquette, Worship Associate at MDUUC
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OYhCLMbTLS4
Wow impressive 😊
Thanks, Drexy. This was quite an experience. I think my voice is holding up better now for these longer presentations.
I had my electrolysis session today. The whole face and eyebrows were done in an hour and 45 minutes. There's very little new stuff, so we are dropping to a 1 hour session for the next two, before stopping all work for August and at least part of September around the upcoming facial feminization surgery (FFS).
Two years ago when I started I never thought I would reach this point. I'm sitting in a diner, doing lunch on my own, presenting as my authentic self, no makeup other than lipstick. I've ordered lunch, and am having coffee.
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This is such a change from two years ago. Jodie describes this as new "firsts". First time not needing extensive electrolysis, for example.
Our first times just living as ourselves, just being the women or men we always felt we were, finally, fully authentic, no fuss. It's just amazing.
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Quote from: Michelle_P on July 16, 2018, 01:43:11 PM
Thanks, Drexy. This was quite an experience. I think my voice is holding up better now for these longer presentations.
I had my electrolysis session today. The whole face and eyebrows were done in an hour and 45 minutes. There's very little new stuff, so we are dropping to a 1 hour session for the next two, before stopping all work for August and at least part of September around the upcoming facial feminization surgery (FFS).
Two years ago when I started I never thought I would reach this point. I'm sitting in a diner, doing lunch on my own, presenting as my authentic self, no makeup other than lipstick. I've ordered lunch, and am having coffee.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180716/41641ef9d082c5f818ab99f73f967c1d.jpg)
This is such a change from two years ago. Jodie describes this as new "firsts". First time not needing extensive electrolysis, for example.
Our first times just living as ourselves, just being the women or men we always felt we were, finally, fully authentic, no fuss. It's just amazing.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
@Michelle_P Dear Michelle: Your post put a big smile on my face as I read your jubilation over just having coffee by yourself, no makeup.... sitting there as the woman that you have become... and with a voice to match.
I could not be any happier for you.
Since I relocated here when I became full time I remember my first few days... no one here knew that I was anything else but a woman... and did not know for almost a year and a half when finally I let it be known about my "secret" past. It was a wonderful experience for sure to be able to be who I finally am.
Thank you for posting your very encouraging words and your great picture.... keep on keeping on.
Hugs and continued well wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: Michelle_P on July 16, 2018, 01:43:11 PM
Our first times just living as ourselves, just being the women or men we always felt we were, finally, fully authentic, no fuss. It's just amazing.
Michelle, welcome to life as it should be.
Tia Anne
Quote from: Michelle_P on July 16, 2018, 01:43:11 PM
Thanks, Drexy. This was quite an experience. I think my voice is holding up better now for these longer presentations.
I had my electrolysis session today. The whole face and eyebrows were done in an hour and 45 minutes. There's very little new stuff, so we are dropping to a 1 hour session for the next two, before stopping all work for August and at least part of September around the upcoming facial feminization surgery (FFS).
Two years ago when I started I never thought I would reach this point. I'm sitting in a diner, doing lunch on my own, presenting as my authentic self, no makeup other than lipstick. I've ordered lunch, and am having coffee.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180716/41641ef9d082c5f818ab99f73f967c1d.jpg)
This is such a change from two years ago. Jodie describes this as new "firsts". First time not needing extensive electrolysis, for example.
Our first times just living as ourselves, just being the women or men we always felt we were, finally, fully authentic, no fuss. It's just amazing.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Dear Michelle,
Loving your posts more and more - you really do inspire, especially me as you are totally you now, and you know it.
I look forwards more for seeing you in your next sermons and vids, and reading your posts over the last few years (I read a lot..) I can see more of the path I am and will take, thank you.
Take care, god bless
Luv n Hugz
Katie
:angel: :angel: :angel:
Quote from: Michelle_P on July 16, 2018, 01:43:11 PM
...Two years ago when I started I never thought I would reach this point. I'm sitting in a diner, doing lunch on my own, presenting as my authentic self, no makeup other than lipstick. I've ordered lunch, and am having coffee.
I certainly agree that this is a wonderful time. It seems like all the "heavy lifting" we did has paid off and we can now live and be seen as authentic. This is feeling of true freedom.
Judi
I have gotten some queries recently concerning the honey badgers and their welfare. I just wanted to reassure everyone that the badgers are healthy, well fed, and getting lots of exercise.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180730/9a2b608e1c38041b0f68215ea9b27558.jpg)
In fact, they are eagerly awaiting their evening romp right now.
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Impressive 👏👏👏👏👏👏 totally admirable 😊
I'm happy. Life is good. And, when I am happy, there are certain activities I have...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180731/721e61882104121af64e7215c5186555.jpg)
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You better be bringing some of those with you!! :o ;D
A good day, good therapy session, good company, and good dinner. This calls for a good dessert. Clafoutis!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180802/2f04651e75ca8a57ad8122addb8ad408.jpg)
Homemade cherry clafoutis fresh from the oven. Yum!
On a more serious note, I talked about a possible breast augmentation with my therapist. After 2 years of HRT I am a 34-Barely (34-A to B, or a 36AA), and while a lightly padded or molded cup bra can work wonders, in a swimsuit, or a sundress... Not so much.
And since I no longer have much of the body shame driven by my dysphoria, I think I would like to go swimming more. I had a chance to try this earlier this summer and very much enjoyed it. Alas, I have a figure to rival Olive Oyl or Grandma Twiggy.
So, in the morning I have an appointment to be evaluated for possible medically necessary care in the form of a breast augmentation. Fingers crossed...
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That's great .....I'm looking forward to your upcoming ffs journey 😊
The clafoutis looks super yummy. Hope the BA consult goes well. X
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@Michelle_P Dear Michelle:
I hope and trust that your breast augmentation consultation and hopefully future planned surgery provides the results that you are seeking.
We will all be looking forward to your updates as you feel comfortable posting them.
Hugs,
Danielle
I hope it works out for you Michelle. Good luck with the appointment I am sure you will be able to charm them in to understanding how important this to you. ;)
Take care
Liz
Consult done and approved! The consult with the mental health person went well, and they think I can have the feminizing mammoplasty combined with the vaginoplasty revision I am asking for, as the same doctor does both.
Now it's just a matter of scheduling and waiting...
Quote from: Michelle_P on August 02, 2018, 11:04:20 AM
Consult done and approved! The consult with the mental health person went well, and they think I can have the feminizing mammoplasty combined with the vaginoplasty revision I am asking for, as the same doctor does both.
Now it's just a matter of scheduling and waiting...
Yay Michelle 🌸🌸🌸🌸!
Hugs, Jess
Nicely done Michelle
I hope the rest of the planning(sorry for swearing ;)) for it goes well.
Take care
Liz
Some of you may be aware that I am currently on a road trip with
@Laurie, as one of the Wandering Waifs of Susan's Place. This has gone very well, pushing my 'comfort zone' a bit, as well as seriously denting Laurie's.
We are currently resting at Tia Anne and Debbie's place in Colorado for a few days. Ah, but life goes on...
I couldn't completely clear my calendar of appointments, as I have facial feminization surgery (FFS) at the end of the month. Prior to FFS there are several phone apppointments to be completed. The first of these was last night with Dr. Klineberger, the surgeon. Everything I wanted done from the jawline up will be in this first of two surgeries on the face. A second surgery once swelling is gone will include the trach shave and lower facelift.
There will be a couple more appointments while on the road, done over the phone, with preop instructions and the exact time of surgery to be delivered to me. Things are finally in motion!
And, I have to get moving. There is food to prepare for a wedding reception!
Quote from: Michelle_P on August 08, 2018, 04:12:17 PM
Some of you may be aware that I am currently on a road trip with @Laurie, as one of the Wandering Waifs of Susan's Place. This has gone very well, pushing my 'comfort zone' a bit, as well as seriously denting Laurie's.
We are currently resting at Tia Anne and Debbie's place in Colorado for a few days. Ah, but life goes on...
I couldn't completely clear my calendar of appointments, as I have facial feminization surgery (FFS) at the end of the month. Prior to FFS there are several phone apppointments to be completed. The first of these was last night with Dr. Klineberger, the surgeon. Everything I wanted done from the jawline up will be in this first of two surgeries on the face. A second surgery once swelling is gone will include the trach shave and lower facelift.
There will be a couple more appointments while on the road, done over the phone, with preop instructions and the exact time of surgery to be delivered to me. Things are finally in motion!
And, I have to get moving. There is food to prepare for a wedding reception!
@Michelle_P Dear Michelle: Thank you for your update...
Preparing food for the wedding reception... then hopefully you are staying around for Tia Anne's and Debbie's wedding... right???
Enjoy your road trip and your time with
@Laurie ...
... the real test of a friendship or of a relationship is
"will you still be friends after your vacation together?"
Oh, and wishing you well with your upcoming surgery. This is definitively an exciting time for you as you continue in your transition goals. This is obviously a big step in that direction.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Michelle_P on August 08, 2018, 04:12:17 PM
Some of you may be aware that I am currently on a road trip with @Laurie, as one of the Wandering Waifs of Susan's Place. This has gone very well, pushing my 'comfort zone' a bit, as well as seriously denting Laurie's.
We are currently resting at Tia Anne and Debbie's place in Colorado for a few days. Ah, but life goes on...
I couldn't completely clear my calendar of appointments, as I have facial feminization surgery (FFS) at the end of the month. Prior to FFS there are several phone apppointments to be completed. The first of these was last night with Dr. Klineberger, the surgeon. Everything I wanted done from the jawline up will be in this first of two surgeries on the face. A second surgery once swelling is gone will include the trach shave and lower facelift.
There will be a couple more appointments while on the road, done over the phone, with preop instructions and the exact time of surgery to be delivered to me. Things are finally in motion!
And, I have to get moving. There is food to prepare for a wedding reception!
You are right at home now, do they have enough baking pans for the cookies?
Quote from: Jessica on August 08, 2018, 08:19:56 PM
You are right at home now, do they have enough baking pans for the cookies?
[emoji847] They do now!
Gluten-free pinwheels and cherry-chocolate clafoutis are to be made.
Fun and easy stuff to make up.
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Michelle best wishes on FFS end of this month, you're almost there!
See you soon
Busy busy busy...weddings, tripping around the USA, FFS, driving your girlfriend crazy :laugh: wow what a life...
@Michelle_P Dear Michelle: So, what is your next stop on your trip.... I guess that you only have a little more that a week or so to get back home before your surgery date.
I am so very happy that your wedding visit went well, it was so nice to see all of the lovely pictures of many of the members here that I have communicated with on the various threads.
Please drive safely and for your own safety keep Laurie in the back seat and if she acts up, handcuffs might be good but be sure to get the padded ones that won't leave bruises and make sure that she is getting enough food and water.
YOU,
@Laurie,
@Kendra and all the others looked so amazing in your photos at Tia's Deb's beautiful wedding. Of course both
@Anne Blake and
@Debi were most certainly radiant and beautiful.
Write soon, let us all know of your next stops.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
@Michelle_P @Laurie Michelle, I'm certain Laurie will tend to all your needs, but I hope it goes without saying that I will do anything to help you recover from your surgery.
It's times like this that friends can do the most help. Supply a meal, transport to the doctors or wherever, lend a hand tidying their home, hold a hand needing to be held.
Hugs and smiles, your friend Jessica Marie 🌸🌸🌸
We are still surviving! Laurie and I are still talking, still enjoying each other's company, and still together. The compatability test/road trip seems to be going well, even if we are not on the road right now.
We just wrapped up a fun weekend with a marriage rededication ceremony for
@Anne Blake (Tia Anne) and Debi, reception, and some private events with a gathering of folks and spouses from Susan's Place. This has been an incredibly special several days.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180814/6c307cd54c5b9fdac71622c6cbd482d0.jpg)
We will be on the road again, next stop and direction unknown.
In other news, I heard from the gender clinic today. I have an appointment for a Mammary Feminization Consult on September 27. Laurie is quite happy about this for some reason.
Quote from: Jessica on August 13, 2018, 10:24:22 PM
@Michelle_P @Laurie
Michelle, I'm certain Laurie will tend to all your needs, but I hope it goes without saying that I will do anything to help you recover from your surgery.
It's times like this that friends can do the most help. Supply a meal, transport to the doctors or wherever, lend a hand tidying their home, hold a hand needing to be held.
Hugs and smiles, your friend Jessica Marie 🌸🌸🌸
Thank you, Jessica! I'll definitely let you know when i have the details. Help is appreciated.
Michelle
I can send you big smiles and virtual hugs if it will help ;) I will leave the more physical application to @Laurie
;D
Quote from: Michelle_P on August 13, 2018, 11:54:48 PM
We are still surviving! Laurie and I are still talking, still enjoying each other's company, and still together. The compatability test/road trip seems to be going well, even if we are not on the road right now.
We just wrapped up a fun weekend with a marriage rededication ceremony for @Anne Blake (Tia Anne) and Debi, reception, and some private events with a gathering of folks and spouses from Susan's Place. This has been an incredibly special several days.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180814/6c307cd54c5b9fdac71622c6cbd482d0.jpg)
We will be on the road again, next stop and direction unknown.
In other news, I heard from the gender clinic today. I have an appointment for a Mammary Feminization Consult on September 27. Laurie is quite happy about this for some reason.
Wow what a shot 😊
Quote from: Drexy/Drex on August 14, 2018, 08:02:27 AM
Wow what a shot 😊
That was all
@Kendra the problem solver's doing. She figured out where to put the camera/phone, improvised a mount, set the timer, and jumped down and into her seat just before the timer went off. The shot is amazing.
Quote from: Michelle_P on August 14, 2018, 10:10:36 AM
That was all @Kendra the problem solver's doing. She figured out where to put the camera/phone, improvised a mount, set the timer, and jumped down and into her seat just before the timer went off. The shot is amazing.
@Michelle_P Dear Michelle: I think that
@Kendra should be designated as the official Susan's Forums photographer... very nice picture indeed. It was a great shot for sure.
Definitely a "keeper" photo....
IMHO, a framed copy of the picture should be the wall of each one that is pictured.
I so enjoyed following all the photos and comments about that special wedding time.
I also have been much enjoying
your road trip commentary and destination photos as you travel with
@Laurie Vacations with good friends or "more than good friends" are a real test of a lasting relationship. If after the trip you are still talking to each other, that is good news indeed!!!! ;)
Thank you for keeping your thread updated as you have always done.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
So glad you two are having a road adventure! As you hinted, traveling can be the acid test of relationships, glad it's going well!
Love is love, after all. And in Loveland, Colorado, even!
This is something that I never expected to have in my life again. But, there it is. Oh, Universe, you've left your mark on my old plans again. All the pages for my oh-so-carefully considered future have been torn out and tossed aside, and will be freshly rewritten.
It's another exercise in resilience, isn't it?
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180814/1950cf7a0bb71aa40b658172ffe1f6e9.jpg) (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180814/6f016f0bb99621791803cdf7f74b5dab.jpg)
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Quote from: Michelle_P on August 14, 2018, 03:44:58 PM
Love is love, after all. And in Loveland, Colorado, even!
This is something that I never expected to have in my life again. But, there it is. Oh, Universe, you've left your mark on my old plans again. All the pages for my oh-so-carefully considered future have been torn out and tossed aside, and will be freshly rewritten.
It's another exercise in resilience, isn't it?
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180814/1950cf7a0bb71aa40b658172ffe1f6e9.jpg) (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180814/6f016f0bb99621791803cdf7f74b5dab.jpg)
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Lovely :angel: :-* :angel:
Katie
Quote from: Michelle_P on August 14, 2018, 03:44:58 PM
Love is love, after all. And in Loveland, Colorado, even!
This is something that I never expected to have in my life again. But, there it is. Oh, Universe, you've left your mark on my old plans again. All the pages for my oh-so-carefully considered future have been torn out and tossed aside, and will be freshly rewritten.
It's another exercise in resilience, isn't it?
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180814/1950cf7a0bb71aa40b658172ffe1f6e9.jpg) (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180814/6f016f0bb99621791803cdf7f74b5dab.jpg)
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Resilience is in play for both of you!
Life is resilient, when played correctly.
Hugs and smiles, your sister 🌸🌸🌸
Quote from: Michelle_P on August 14, 2018, 03:44:58 PM
Love is love, after all. And in Loveland, Colorado, even!
This is something that I never expected to have in my life again. But, there it is. Oh, Universe, you've left your mark on my old plans again. All the pages for my oh-so-carefully considered future have been torn out and tossed aside, and will be freshly rewritten.
It's another exercise in resilience, isn't it?
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180814/1950cf7a0bb71aa40b658172ffe1f6e9.jpg) (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180814/6f016f0bb99621791803cdf7f74b5dab.jpg)
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
What a gorgeous post to wake up to!
Love to you two lovely wonderful ladies
Cant help it but that deserves the caption NO TOUNGES (sorry well no not really) XXXXXX and hugs girls
Quote from: davina61 on August 14, 2018, 04:13:29 PM
Cant help it but that deserves the caption NO TOUNGES (sorry well no not really) XXXXXX and hugs girls
@davina61 eweeee, tongue kisses... I remember those.... also swapping gum while kissing too!!!
Thanks for bringing all of that to my remembrance....
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Cindy on August 14, 2018, 03:59:33 PM
What a gorgeous post to wake up to!
Love to you two lovely wonderful ladies
It is nice isn't it Cindy!
They are so happy!
They both genuinely smile more now than when I first met them!
So sweet💞
Ahh lovely,
Happy for you both.
Thank you for sharing such lovely photos. You both look beautiful and happy!
Judi
Beautiful photos of two lovely ladies!
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 14, 2018, 04:31:23 PM
@davina61
eweeee, tongue kisses... I remember those.... also swapping gum while kissing too!!!
Thanks for bringing all of that to my remembrance....
Hugs,
Danielle
What will come up next? Spin the bottle??? Are we all turning into hormonal teenagers? [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
Hugs, Sarah
Quote from: sarah1972 on August 14, 2018, 10:02:44 PM
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 14, 2018, 04:31:23 PM
@davina61
eweeee, tongue kisses... I remember those.... also swapping gum while kissing too!!!
Thanks for bringing all of that to my remembrance....
Hugs,
Danielle
What will come up next? Spin the bottle??? Are we all turning into hormonal teenagers? [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
Hugs, Sarah
Do we spin the bottle for them!!!!!!
Quote from: Cindy on August 14, 2018, 10:54:20 PM
Do we spin the bottle for them!!!!!!
Not needed...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180815/5d420ca6337885649a9e70be2cf85f11.jpg)
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Quote from: Michelle_P on August 14, 2018, 11:05:23 PM
Not needed...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180815/5d420ca6337885649a9e70be2cf85f11.jpg)
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Deb and I can attest that they have been like this all week. Such sustain, but what can be said about teen agers in love.
Tia Anne
Quote from: Michelle_P on August 14, 2018, 10:10:36 AM
That was all @Kendra the problem solver's doing. She figured out where to put the camera/phone, improvised a mount, set the timer, and jumped down and into her seat just before the timer went off. The shot is amazing.
Yes, she is amazing. Here she is setting up the shot, as seen from my end of the table:
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180815/26aa77e3609e5c19e54915c218d2a27d.jpg)
Stephanie
Quote from: Anne Blake on August 14, 2018, 11:21:35 PM
Deb and I can attest that they have been like this all week. Such sustain, but what can be said about teen agers in love.
Tia Anne
We kept telling them to get a room, but, well, they already had one.
Stephanie
Quote from: Steph2.0 on August 14, 2018, 11:26:54 PM
We kept telling them to get a room, but, well, they already had one.
Stephanie
Every time I'm with them now it's like that.
I think it's rather cute how they make eyes at each other, give a kiss and have big smiles!
Quote from: Michelle_P on August 14, 2018, 11:05:23 PM
Not needed...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180815/5d420ca6337885649a9e70be2cf85f11.jpg)
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
aaaawwwwwhhhhh!! you gals
Spin the bottle? No, they both already won!
You two look wonderful. Enjoy this cool weather.
Randy
Awww - the two of you look so sweet!
And yeah, I was caught jumping up and down off countertops less than 5 weeks after surgery. I'm busted now. Good practice for refrigerator-top technique.
Quote from: Steph2.0 on August 14, 2018, 11:24:39 PM
Yes, she is amazing. Here she is setting up the shot, as seen from my end of the table:
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180815/26aa77e3609e5c19e54915c218d2a27d.jpg)
Stephanie
@Steph2.0 Dear Stepanie:Thank you for sharing that picture...
@Kendra is quite the accomplished photographer and because of her innovative placement of her camera everyone including her were able to get into the photo.
I take lots of pictures but unless I can stretch my arm to take a selfie that looks half way decent, I am usually depending on finding a passer by to take the pictures of my friends and I... otherwise I do miss out on getting in on a lot of my photos that I take.
All of you ladies in the group photo looked absolutely terrific, beautiful and lovely.... I would have loved to be there.
Oh, and
Stephanie, your new "look" in your new Avatar-Profile picture and other new photos that you have posted.... you look absolutely gorgeous and fabulous.... I am thinking that I need to "up" my game after seeing you and the other beautiful ladies pictures.
Thank you for posting.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 15, 2018, 12:51:35 PM
@Steph2.0
Oh, and Stephanie, your new "look" in your new Avatar-Profile picture and other new photos that you have posted.... you look absolutely gorgeous and fabulous.... I am thinking that I need to "up" my game after seeing you and the other beautiful ladies pictures.
Good grief Danielle! Don't "up your game!" We're all running full speed just trying to catch up now!
Thanks for the compliments, though!
Stephanie
Quote from: Kendra on August 15, 2018, 10:36:58 AM
> caught jumping up and down off countertops less than 5 weeks after surgery. I'm busted now
Quote from: Michelle_P on August 13, 2018, 11:54:48 PM
> I have an appointment for a Mammary Feminization Consult on September 27
and Michelle will be too.
Quote from: Michelle_P on August 14, 2018, 11:05:23 PM
Not needed...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180815/5d420ca6337885649a9e70be2cf85f11.jpg)
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
@Michelle_P @Laurie "young love"
Hormones gone wild!!!!
Cold showers later perhaps?
Great photo.... I take it that you two are still getting along even during a road trip together???
If so, that is a good sign of a lasting relationship.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Kendra on August 15, 2018, 10:36:58 AM
> I was caught jumping up and down off countertops less than 5 weeks after surgery. I'm busted now
Waggling my eyebrows and doing my best Groucho Marx, "sweetheart, you certainly are!"
I'm still on the road with Laurie, in Phoenix AZ today.
With the impending surgery date and some pre-op considerations we decided it was time to head west again. I have had my pre-op telephone appointment with the surgeons office to tell me what to stop taking and advise on final preparations, and the financial/admissions office call to get me pre-admitted. Last call should be tomorrow when the OR scheduler tells me when to get there next Tuesday.
I have stopped everything except my tamsulosin and estradiol patches. The doctor said that I would not be Immobilized long enough for DVT risks to be an issue.
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Quote from: Michelle_P on August 22, 2018, 05:08:27 PM
I'm still on the road with Laurie, in Phoenix AZ today.
With the impending surgery date and some pre-op considerations we decided it was time to head west again. I have had my pre-op telephone appointment with the surgeons office to tell me what to stop taking and advise on final preparations, and the financial/admissions office call to get me pre-admitted. Last call should be tomorrow when the OR scheduler tells me when to get there next Tuesday.
I have stopped everything except my tamsulosin and estradiol patches. The doctor said that I would not be Immobilized long enough for DVT risks to be an issue.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Drive safe you two, see you when you get home 🌸🌸🌸
@Laurie (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180823/e8293dce557b3923e2726db5220886ab.jpg)
Laurie's diet supplements came in.
I think these need to be kept in the Honey Badgers compound. Not enough space in your cabinets
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I'm spending the day resting after a long drive and road trip with @Laurie.
On Tuesday at 6 AM I am scheduled for facial feminization surgeries (FFS), lots of bone work on my skull. This is something that I consider the 'real' gender confirmation surgery, as nobody else can tell that I've had the vaginoplasty work done under my clothing.
Surgery is being done by Dr. Kleinberger with Kaiser NorCal. Here's my last selfie before surgery.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180825/441b745f85cc16835455ba0c1bcfe97e.jpg)
Michelle,
I know how much you are looking forward to your surgery, or better stated, to the results of the surgery after you have healed. With no intention of diminishing the surgery, both Deb and I, while looking at, "Your last selfie", agreed that you look just soooo cute! Take it for what it is worth considering the source, your two crazy eccentric lady friends.
Love you girl and best of luck achieving your wishes from this surgery,
Tia Anne & Debi
Quote from: Michelle_P on August 25, 2018, 06:19:15 PM
I'm spending the day resting after a long drive and road trip with @Laurie.
On Tuesday at 6 AM I am scheduled for facial feminization surgeries (FFS), lots of bone work on my skull. This is something that I consider the 'real' gender confirmation surgery, as nobody else can tell that I've had the vaginoplasty work done under my clothing.
Surgery is being done by Dr. Kleinberger with Kaiser NorCal. Here's my last selfie before surgery.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180825/441b745f85cc16835455ba0c1bcfe97e.jpg)
@Michelle_P
Hi Michelle
I really hope the surgery goes well for you. The recovery from these things can be a bit tough but I know how prepared you are. I admire your determination and your success. I hope it turns out better than you expect and you can achieve the outcome you want.
Speedy recovery and sweet dreams
Liz
Thank you,
@LizK and
@Anne Blake. The goal with FFS isn't to do anything drastic, but simply to look the way I should, and the way I try to look without all the contouring and shading tricks hidden in my 'everyday' look.
I'd love to be able to throw something on, run out to the church, store or post office, and be gendered correctly without spending 20-25 minutes on makeup.
Hope it all goes wonderfully and quick and safe recovery
Good luck I look forward to the results .....it will be marvelous 😊
Good luck with your surgery, Michelle! I won't ask for pictures right away, but I will be happy to see some when you feel like posting any.
Good luck Michelle. Very excited for you.
Karen
Quote from: Michelle_P on August 25, 2018, 11:53:15 PMI'd love to be able to throw something on, run out to the church, store or post office, and be gendered correctly without spending 20-25 minutes on makeup.
EXACTLY, Michelle! My goal is to be able to "phone it in" as some of my friends can do, and not be misgendered. I have a Skype consultation with FacialTeam on Thursday to discuss precisely that.
Stephanie
Michelle,
Best wishes for a satisfying outcome from FFS from one of your fans. I hope all goes super well for you.
Stevi
Good luck Michelle
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@Michelle_PDear Michelle:
I am certain that I am speaking for all of your followers.....
You are in our thoughts, we are wishing you success and wishing you well in your personal important step in reaching your transition goals.
As you feel up to it, your future updates will be a most welcome thing for all of us to read.
Blessings and well wishes to you.
.... and hugs too,
Danielle
Thanks, everyone!
I just put my boarder, Robyn, on her flight to where she is having GCS. One nervous gal, but she will be OK. Today I do last minute shopping and prep.
6 AM tomorrow i check in at Kaiser for my FFS surgery. Wow. I can't believe it is time already. Finally!
@Laurie is here to aid me in recovery, thank goodness. I don't know what I'd do without her. I'm nervous, worried, and excited. What an emotional mess!
I so appreciate your good wishes, and will try to keep this up to date. I hope to see everyone on Road Trip 4.0 or on the Road Trip World Tour. We have passports...
Good luck Michelle and Robyn too! X
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All the best, Michelle! Can't wait to see the results when you're done gilding the lily.
Stephanie
Michelle, you will do great. I know that you are nervous about the all off it but when it gets tough, just remember your hugs from Deb and me.
Deb says to tell you that our prayers are with you.
Love you girl,
Tia Anne & Debi
Quote from: Michelle_P on August 25, 2018, 06:19:15 PM
I'm spending the day resting after a long drive and road trip with @Laurie.
On Tuesday at 6 AM I am scheduled for facial feminization surgeries (FFS), lots of bone work on my skull. This is something that I consider the 'real' gender confirmation surgery, as nobody else can tell that I've had the vaginoplasty work done under my clothing.
Surgery is being done by Dr. Kleinberger with Kaiser NorCal. Here's my last selfie before surgery.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180825/441b745f85cc16835455ba0c1bcfe97e.jpg)
Michelle! I did read (Laurie and Michelle Road Trip) that you were getting ready for this day. I am waiting for my approval for FFS from Kaiser SoCal. I would love to exchange notes about your procedures and recovery. First, I'm guessing I won't be going in any time soon. I only requested it last week from my therapist. I mean you and Laurie were on the road for about a month? I do want to have it done as soon as possible.
Anyway, I want to wish you success and a speedy recovery.
Hugs,
Donica.
Oh wait!! It's been two weeks since I requested both VFT and FFS. I wonder why it's taking so long to here from them? Kaiser is usually very prompt?
@Michelle_P @Laurie Dear Michelle:
It is a wonderful thing to have someone like
Laurie, who is very "close" to you, to be at your side taking care of the details while you are undergoing things like this....
I am wishing you success and wonderful results.
Updates from you and Laurie will be eagerly anticipated.
Hugs, and well wishes.
Blessings to you.
Danielle
Quote from: Michelle_P on August 27, 2018, 10:55:13 AM
Thanks, everyone!
I just put my boarder, Robyn, on her flight to where she is having GCS. One nervous gal, but she will be OK. Today I do last minute shopping and prep.
6 AM tomorrow i check in at Kaiser for my FFS surgery. Wow. I can't believe it is time already. Finally!
@Laurie is here to aid me in recovery, thank goodness. I don't know what I'd do without her. I'm nervous, worried, and excited. What an emotional mess!
I so appreciate your good wishes, and will try to keep this up to date. I hope to see everyone on Road Trip 4.0 or on the Road Trip World Tour. We have passports...
Remember no snogging till your healed !!!!! Good wishes and a speedy recovery XXXXXX
Quote from: Michelle_P on August 27, 2018, 10:55:13 AM
Thanks, everyone!
I just put my boarder, Robyn, on her flight to where she is having GCS. One nervous gal, but she will be OK. Today I do last minute shopping and prep.
6 AM tomorrow i check in at Kaiser for my FFS surgery. Wow. I can't believe it is time already. Finally!
@Laurie is here to aid me in recovery, thank goodness. I don't know what I'd do without her. I'm nervous, worried, and excited. What an emotional mess!
I so appreciate your good wishes, and will try to keep this up to date. I hope to see everyone on Road Trip 4.0 or on the Road Trip World Tour. We have passports...
Wow, two of you will be in recovery! Will Laurie be hopping around to keep both your heads above water? Well, it'll be good for her...
Best of luck Michelle. Don't look in any mirrors for awhile. I'm so glad you'll have Laurie to help.
Here's a bit of a summary from posts scattered elsewhere, along with some of my musings while spending far too much time inside my head.
My Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS) was on August 28, 2018 at Kaiser's Richmond Surgery Center. They have a Head and Neck specialty facility there.
My surgery team was Drs. Kleinberger and Shih, with support staff from Richmond and Oakland. The surgery as planned and approved was nine hours of work, with the surgeons taking turns on the bone work and soft tissue changes.
It's an amazing skill, understanding how all these tissues will interact and heal together. Unlike cosmetic surgery, much of what was altered in me was in the bone of the skull and mandible, to reverse some of the changes that testosterone had induced in those structures. The soft tissue was adjusted slightly to where it should be if the removed bone had never been there. This is a remarkably complex surgery, with two surgeons working on me over a 9 hour period, but it was deemed medically necessary for me by a board at Kaiser.
I am very grateful to the medical team and evaluation board for providing this astounding level of service and treatment for me.
I'm continuing to heal, with the bruising and worst of the swelling starting to fade.
I spent the first few days rather spaced out, between the effects of general anesthesia and the acetaminophen/hydrocodone ("Norco") tablets. By the 4th day after surgery I was able to control most pain and discomfort with just acetaminophen tablets (2 small ones, every 6 hours), and tweaking the compressive wraps to avoid compressing the swollen areas too much.
There has been some bleeding the three days after surgery, not unexpected, but troubling. It appeared to be worse Friday morning, so we called the Head and Neck Surgery unit. One of the doctors called us back and mentioned some concern over a hematoma, also a concern in the surgeons notes, and asked us to have this evaluated at the Walnut Creek ER Department.
We spent a few hours in the ER, getting unbandaged, cleaned, inspected, and rebandaged. Wouldn't you know it? The bleeding stopped when I was unwrapped. The hair is a mess, naturally, but there is no hematoma, and all will be well. We will give the head incisions several days to knit before we try cleaning the matted hair of blood.
I'm continuing to regain mobility. I can't talk well with the compression bandages and the sutures in my mouth from the jaw surgery. I can handle soft foods, so Laurie was able to make me a nicer dinner tonight.
I had butternut squash soup, homemade chicken broth, and garlic mashed potatoes with broccoli. Dessert was Tillamook Mudslide chocolate ice cream. My weight is down but i expect this will reverse the trend with my regaining my appetite!
I have a follow up visit in one week. Meanwhile, I expect to just continue healing here.
Saturday morning I found my appetite was back, if not my ability to chew. I finished off Laurie's yogurt and berries, a coffee, one of those nutritional drinks, and Laurie's Scrambled Eggs, with ham, cheese, bell peppers, and other goodies. Delicious!
Breakfast was done in time for me to do other little medical tasks that are part of my lifetime routine now, and I started a load of laundry, with ... extra Oxi-Clean... If it's good enough for crime scenes it is good enough for my towels and wardrobe.
Our friend Jessica dropped by for lunch, thoughtfully bringing Jamba Juice drinks for all of us. I let mine get a little melty and then slurped down the purée of berries and fruit. Yum. Probably a lot of sugar but my body seems to want some of that right now.
We chatted about yard projects, life, and another friend's coming out story, which had me in tears again. I leak so easily these days, it seems. There were some familiar notes in her story, as individual to her as it was, and the emotional notes and associations struck home again.
So many of us still live our lives in hiding, out of fear of loss, fear of personal safety, fear of job and family loss and rejection. It is a terrible thing that we do to ourselves, out of not wanting to make others slightly uncomfortable with our existence, and fearing the violence of retaliation against our existence.
In reading about 12 year old Maddie in Oklahoma, I find it even more terrible what others would do to us, or to small children, out of their own fear of being slightly uncomfortable. It is sad to realize that my society, this so-called 'land of the free', has a side of it's own culture that teaches others to fear those slightly different from an artificial idealized normal, and inculcates hatred toward others for daring to not match this idealized normal.
There are microaggressions built into everyday cultural interactions. Both myself and a friend were misgendered this week while in the hospital specifically for surgeries related to our transitions, in spite of our having all our medical records up to date with names and gender identification. Oh, it's easily corrected with each individual we encounter, yet still, each misgendering is a hammer blow driving home that we have once again failed to be recognized as who we are, but are instead being put back in that cultural box people are more comfortable confining us within.
Meanwhile, we are negotiating daily life as Laurie and the Mummy Girl. Perhaps tomorrow I'll try shambling to the grocery store and grunting incomprehensibly at the clerk. My Middle Egyptian is poor, but I do not think it will matter all that much.
At my follow up on September 7, I expect to have the staples and non-dissolving stitches removed on schedule. Healing is progressing about as expected.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180901/991775fd22d1b34c5cd98ff6ead2c2cd.jpg)
Me, day 4 post-op. The changes in bruising about the eyes and swelling are visible.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180901/e088ce8f04c9772829f519b2f5d8e729.jpg)
Me, day 2 post-op. Bruising and swelling were at about the worst.
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Thanks for the update Hon.
It is amazing how the body recovers from such damage and you will be recovered in no time.
Love and best wishes to you both.
Hi Michelle, you are actually looking quite good (well, yes, for day 4, but still...quite good). You are bouncing back really well. Sounds like Laurie is at her creative best finding ways to feed you...garlic mashed potatoes with broccoli -- yum! I gotta look for Tillamook Mudslide chocolate ice cream. Not that I thought you had much need for FFS when I met you, but you are going to look great! Take care and think about having a great story to explain mummy girl (if you want).
Michelle we can see that wonderful smile of yours through the bruises and bandages. I can see you are happy! Some things we cannot hide.
You are so blessed to have Laurie there to care for you. I hope your healing continues uneventually. Don't go scaring people at the grocer!
Judi
I can confirm that Michelle is in good hands with the Wandering Waif. Though Michelle turned down her offer of delicious pickle juice.
After sharing a lunch of Jamba Juice with Laurie and Michelle, it is clear she is happy and will be the beautiful woman that medical magic has created.
I can see it through the swelling and bruising, she is there!
Hugs and smiles from a California girl
I'm up early after a few hours of sleep. The odd little discomforts kept me awake. It is a quiet, early Sunday morning. I've opoened the balcony doors, and can see the sky just starting to lighten.
Laurie is asleep in the other room.
I can sit here quietly and sip my tea, letting idle thoughts tumble through my mind. Today, this is a good thing.
Today, I am happy.
I do not know what tomorrow may bring, but there is no urgency to get there. For today, I am in a safe place, a good place, a calm place where I love and am loved. I will just savor this moment and this place.
Tomorrow can take care of itself.
Well, I woke early thinking of you, and today the fates bring you a new recliner chair and footstool 🌸🌸🌸
Dear Michelle! I'm so glad to see you are now at home recovering. Wow! Such wonderful and powerful words of wisdom. I know it doesn't always seem as though but I believe things in this country are getting better. As you are demonstrating to all of us here, we will be strong and continue to fight for our rights and freedoms. Giving in to such ignorance is just not acceptable. Don't let those that have miss gendered you in the hospital bother you. I'm sure they are not half as intelligent as you are.
Ok, enough of all that talk. It's back to your recovery. I see that smile through those compression wraps too. I understand the bruising is to be expected. I'm glad Laurie is taking such good care of you. She is truly an angel, as are you Michelle. I hope you will update us with more pictures of your recovery. Your pictures and updates are giving me a glimpse of what to expect in my near future.
Thanks so mush for sharing you FFS journey with us.
Lots of hugs you two!
Donica.
Yesterday I visited Michelle and Laurie the first time after Michelle's FFS.
This morning we were both awoke early and I came by to visit with a gift (Laurie's comfort).
Looking into Michelle's eyes, and looking past the bandages, I saw Michelle as a beautiful woman.
It is quite emotional for me to see her successes.
Hugs and smiles from a California girl
Quote from: Jessica on September 02, 2018, 10:27:40 AM
Yesterday I visited Michelle and Laurie the first time after Michelle's FFS.
This morning we were both awoke early and I came by to visit with a gift (Laurie's comfort).
Looking into Michelle's eyes, and looking past the bandages, I saw Michelle as a beautiful woman.
It is quite emotional for me to see her successes.Quote
I must implore upon anyone reading this, that to not wait patiently (irregardless of any other reason) for a dear friend who is peacefully snoring, is bad form.
Fridge tops will certainly give you that! 🙇♀️
Hugs and smiles from a California girl
Quote from: Jessica on September 02, 2018, 11:20:43 AM
I must implore upon anyone reading this, that to not wait patiently (irregardless of any other reason) for a dear friend who is peacefully snoring, is bad form.
Fridge tops will certainly give you that! 🙇♀️
Um, is this related to the posts about bears in Danielle's HUNTED thread? ;D ;D >:-)
Quote from: RandyL on September 02, 2018, 12:00:39 PM
Um, is this related to the posts about bears in Danielle's HUNTED thread? ;D ;D >:-)
This is in regards to my inexcusable action of not planning my day to afford all that is necessary!
Danielle has those bears trained to dance in her thread. 🐻🐻🐻
Hugs and smiles from a California girl
@Alaskan Danielle @RandyL @Laurie @Michelle_P
Someone is feeling better... (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180902/97755b7d6dc6eb27d6ad4a713bf3b0ac.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180902/3609405611d089e1c86a94edbe6d5f4b.jpg)
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Quote from: Laurie on September 02, 2018, 01:27:49 PM
Someone is feeling better... (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180902/97755b7d6dc6eb27d6ad4a713bf3b0ac.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180902/3609405611d089e1c86a94edbe6d5f4b.jpg)
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Yay!!! I'll take two eggs, 2 slices of bacon and 2 pieces of toast please!
Hugs ladies,
Donica.
Dinner Ala Laurie last night. Broccoli steamed in butter and water with a pepperjack and chorizo cheese sauce, smashed taters with chorizo and sauteed minced onion and bell peppers with the cheese sauce on top. And home chopped chicken and chorizo patties seasoned with sauteed bell peppers and onion.
Michelle said she needed to savor it because she knows it is a one of a kind meal as are all of my home cooked meals. I don't use a recipe when I cook usually so they never come out the same. Anyway she said it tasted good.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180902/0030c0da17b423277488fdb92274b56a.jpg)
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My care team has her under their watchful eyes making sure she does what she is supposed to...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180902/8f7599d73a7f07448477117dba51c1a1.jpg)
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Quote from: Jessica on September 02, 2018, 06:53:01 AM
Well, I woke early thinking of you, and today the fates bring you a new recliner chair and footstool 🌸🌸🌸
Susan's Place seems to have lots of off-label usage. Here I have found help and information, of course, but I have also found friends, travel and dinner companions, nice folks to visit with, my love, and now home furnishings!
What a remarkable community we have all experienced!
Hi Michelle, I hope you have a smooth recovery. I'm sure we're all excited to see the results and most of all that you're happy and fulfilled in this journey :)
Nice to see you are well and that Laurie is looking after you. I hope the recovery continues to go well and will look forward to see your new smiling face.
Take care
Liz
You're looking pretty good considering the surgery..... I'm happy for you Michelle you will look Sooo good 😊
Wow! You ladies really know how to cook. Last nights dinner looked delish. Be good Michelle.
Hugs,
Donica.
Last night's dinner started with soup made with brussels sprout, asparagus, yellow squash in the chicken broth I made the other night.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180903/bf051ec794002bad79aa7c0984872f69.jpg)
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The main dish was a purposely overcooked ( need to make it soft for my sweetie ) stirfry with onions, bell peppers, yellow squash, asparagus, carrot, broccoli, chicken and a bunch of seasonings. Sort of an orientalish flavor. With a side of cottage cheese.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180903/c5a6085ac10b8036a1b07ed143110ee5.jpg)
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Quote from: Laurie on September 03, 2018, 09:54:34 AM
The main dish was a purposely overcooked ( need to make it soft for my sweetie ) stirfry with onions, bell peppers, yellow squash, asparagus, carrot, broccoli, chicken and a bunch of seasonings. Sort of an orientalish flavor. With a side of cottage cheese.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180903/c5a6085ac10b8036a1b07ed143110ee5.jpg)
Nice! My dinner was similar. Stir fried steak, crab meat, onions, bell peppers, carrots, garlic, sesame oil, rice vinegar, and topped with hoisin, in a bowl or wrapped in a soft tortilla.
See? I can cook, too, as long as I'm not on the fridge!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180903/49fe50fcadd659fb8c4a33524301bd3f.jpg)
I'm happy to see you're taking good care of our Michelle!
Stephanie
Oh my! yes please! All of you ladies really know how to cook. I have to get off my b*** and buy a Wok and try my hand at stir fry. So much better than just rice and steamed veggies.
Yum! Hugs ladies!
Donica.
Quote from: Donica on September 03, 2018, 10:27:18 AM
Oh my! yes please! All of you ladies really know how to cook. I have to get off my b*** and buy a Wok and try my hand at stir fry. So much better than just rice and steamed veggies.
Wokking is good exercise!
Stephanie
Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 03, 2018, 10:18:28 AM
Nice! My dinner was similar. Stir fried steak, crab meat, onions, bell peppers, carrots, garlic, sesame oil, rice vinegar, and topped with hoisin, in a bowl or wrapped in a soft tortilla.
See? I can cook, too, as long as I'm not on the fridge!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180903/49fe50fcadd659fb8c4a33524301bd3f.jpg)
I'm happy to see you're taking good care of our Michelle!
Stephanie
Steph! I bet that dish would go well with chicken too. Oooh.... smell the carne asada?
Yummy Hugs,
Donica.
Quote from: Donica on September 03, 2018, 10:33:08 AM
Steph! I bet that dish would go well with chicken too. Oooh.... smell the carne asada?
I do, and Maggie the Wunderhund did, too! And yes, any meat works!
Stephanie
You surprise me Steph, I had no idea you could wok, talk, and chew gum at the same time let alone cook. All we ever hear about is you flying off to meals.
By the way I hear you are almost as old as me now...
Happy Birthday, Stephanie!
Hugs,
Laurie
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Age...
I just went through the great American ritual of the new middle age...
I applied for Medicare coverage. :P
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 03, 2018, 07:01:36 PM
Age...
I just went through the great American ritual of the new middle age...
I applied for Medicare coverage. :P
Next AARP!
Quote from: Jessica on September 03, 2018, 07:40:09 PM
Next AARP!
Nope. Nopity-nope. Nuh-huh. Nopenopenopenopenope.
I'm not paying someone to try and sell me burial insurance.
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 03, 2018, 08:08:47 PM
Nope. Nopity-nope. Nuh-huh. Nopenopenopenopenope.
I'm not paying someone to try and sell me burial insurance.
What! Even after those dozen or more applications??
Yeah, I didn't either....
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 03, 2018, 08:08:47 PM
Nope. Nopity-nope. Nuh-huh. Nopenopenopenopenope.
I'm not paying someone to try and sell me burial insurance.
Me neither. Especially since they send one mailing every couple of weeks to some guy who doesn't live here any more. Those are immediately relegated to the trash can - with prejudice.
Stephanie
Quote from: Laurie on September 03, 2018, 03:04:53 PM
You surprise me Steph, I had no idea you could wok, talk, and chew gum at the same time let alone cook. All we ever hear about is you flying off to meals.
By the way I hear you are almost as old as me now...
Happy Birthday, Stephanie!
Hugs,
Laurie
Nope, don't chew gum. But I can wok, talk, and post on Susan's at the same time.
Thank you for the birthday wishes. Sixty down and sixty to go.
Stephanie
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 03, 2018, 08:08:47 PM
Nope. Nopity-nope. Nuh-huh. Nopenopenopenopenope.
I'm not paying someone to try and sell me burial insurance.
I agree. They are way too expensive for me. I refuse to admit I'm that old. I'm not going gracefully. I will go kicking and screaming. Take your pick.
It's Sunday night and here I am alone in my little home.
@Laurie has appointments in Oregon this week, and so headed north today. Naturally I miss her already. We just spent over 5 weeks in intimate proximity, between the mini-road trio and the past two weeks at my home. She has been a wonderful companion and caregiver, herding me through my FFS and almost two weeks of recovery.
My boarder Robyn is still in hospital in Florida, after some minor complications around her GCS. she should be back at the end of the week.
Meanwhile, it's just me for a few days. I have some appointments coming up, and a few friends I'll be seeing. The quiet will probably do me good. I can get caught up on the usual paperwork of life.
The FFS recovery is ticking along. Swelling seems to be easing off slightly and I am already starting to get a little sensation on the chin, as well as the 'zaps' on the forehead from nerve reconnections. The staples and stitches on the big forehead incision are gone, and that is healing nicely. I'm still working on cleaning my hair. Yuck!
So, quiet times, for once.
So glad you are doing well. That the swelling is beginning to come down and you are doing well.
Can't wait to hear more updates and see you soon.
Hugs
Karen
Oh no no no Michelle!!! It may be quiet now but your not alone. We will still bug you every chance we get ;D. I'm impressed how fast your recovery is going. Thanks to Laurie for being a wonderful companion and caregiver. She is an angel.
Hugs,
Donica.
Huh. There may be something to this FFS stuff. While running around with
@Jessica today and afterwards tonight, some interesting things are occurring.
I'm seeing a marked change in the response of men around me. Offers to help me with a box of paper as I stepped off an elevator, another man helped me open the back of the car to put the box in, much more door opening and holding than I remember ever seeing.
A man in a wheelchair locked eyes on me and stared as I walked past, to the point of making me uncomfortable. I turned and stared back, then when he didn't stop asked if there was a problem. I'm not normally confrontational but this was really creepy. He finally looked away.
Both affirming and creepy today. This may take some getting used to.
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 13, 2018, 10:42:54 PM
Huh. There may be something to this FFS stuff. While running around with @Jessica today and afterwards tonight, some interesting things are occurring.
I'm seeing a marked change in the response of men around me. Offers to help me with a box of paper as I stepped off an elevator, another man helped me open the back of the car to put the box in, much more door opening and holding than I remember ever seeing.
A man in a wheelchair locked eyes on me and stared as I walked past, to the point of making me uncomfortable. I turned and stared back, then when he didn't stop asked if there was a problem. I'm not normally confrontational but this was really creepy. He finally looked away.
Both affirming and creepy today. This may take some getting used to.
It was rude of that man to be staring, but you do have to admit, you did have the appearance of being the victim of spousal abuse. But we both were reserved at the barrister who misgendered me. Argh!
Quote from: Jessica on September 13, 2018, 10:52:26 PM
... But we both were reserved at the barrister who misgendered me. Argh!
I thought I had misheard him. But, you heard the same thing I had. No tip!
I've had that in restaurants, and will both not tip and leave a note on the receipt. If there is a comment card it gets filled out either way. I've also mentioned this to a maitre d', and when they've excused the behavior or misgendered me themselves I write the place up as trans-hostile for the local tip sheet of safer places.
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Hi Michelle,
Say what you will with either proper or mis gendering; today, Deb and I got our nails done at the place that you, Laurie, Deb, our granddaughter and I went to before the wedding. Ann, the owner, couldn't remember either Deb's or my name but she asked how Michelle was doing. You seemed to have made a good impression on her and she used all the proper pronouns when talking about Michelle. Well done.
Tia Anne
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 14, 2018, 03:12:18 PM
I thought I had misheard him. But, you heard the same thing I had. No tip!
I've had that in restaurants, and will both not tip and leave a note on the receipt. If there is a comment card it gets filled out either way. I've also mentioned this to a maitre d', and when they've excused the behavior or misgendered me themselves I write the place up as trans-hostile for the local tip sheet of safer places.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
You are braver than I am Michelle. I tend to worry more about what they might put in my food the next time, If any, I dine there. Kudos to you for the beauty salon owner "Ann" remembering you as Tia has posted.
Hugs,
Donica.
Quote from: Anne Blake on September 14, 2018, 04:36:39 PM
Hi Michelle,
Say what you will with either proper or mis gendering; today, Deb and I got our nails done at the place that you, Laurie, Deb, our granddaughter and I went to before the wedding. Ann, the owner, couldn't remember either Deb's or my name but she asked how Michelle was doing. You seemed to have made a good impression on her and she used all the proper pronouns when talking about Michelle. Well done.
Tia Anne
I'm not sure what I might have done. I was a little chattier than I usually am, but still pretty quiet. I'm not sure why, but I don't dive into the social chatter easily while someone is doing all that stuff to my hands.
I do recall that we had had a little chat about pronouns while she was working on me. She seemed unsure about what to do or say, and I tried to reassure her that it is always OK to just ask, that most people, trans or cis, won't take offense, and the effort to be correct is always appreciated.
Quote from: Donica on September 14, 2018, 04:48:24 PM
You are braver than I am Michelle. I tend to worry more about what they might put in my food the next time, If any, I dine there. Kudos to you for the beauty salon owner "Ann" remembering you as Tia has posted.
Hugs,
Donica.
It's really unlikely that I will return to a nicer place where I initially got offensive behavior from the staff. At a coffee shop, the turnover is huge for most of them and the offender will be gone in a month or two.
Just having a nice day so far. I went out to do a few errands, and got a nice complement on my dress. I had my nails done. Last time was the day before surgery, and after three weeks it was time for a fill. I went with a nice coral red with copper flecks.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180918/7da80b372dd9329ab65e88ffc0a11630.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180918/c8af924b0de72d9aca06027a23147396.jpg)
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 18, 2018, 05:25:52 PM
Just having a nice day so far. I went out to do a few errands, and got a nice complement on my dress. I had my nails done. Last time was the day before surgery, and after three weeks it was time for a fill. I went with a nice coral red with copper flecks.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180918/7da80b372dd9329ab65e88ffc0a11630.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180918/c8af924b0de72d9aca06027a23147396.jpg)
@Michelle_P Dear Michelle:There you are looking quite beautiful in your new very pretty dress and your very pretty manicure and nails colored beautifully.
Your Costco bargain table dress was a really good find... it is really nice, especially for the price!!!! Next time I go to Costco, which is every couple months, I will look for their bargain table, I never saw one in the store that I frequent but now I will hunt for it.
It is hard to believe that we saw you in face bandages just 3 weeks later here you are looking very pretty indeed.
Thank you for treating your followers to your great photos and your continuing story of which I always following.
Hug and well wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 14, 2018, 03:12:18 PM
I thought I had misheard him. But, you heard the same thing I had. No tip!
I've had that in restaurants, and will both not tip and leave a note on the receipt. If there is a comment card it gets filled out either way. I've also mentioned this to a maitre d', and when they've excused the behavior or misgendered me themselves I write the place up as trans-hostile for the local tip sheet of safer places.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
You know, I have to ask myself... exactly what do these people think they're doing... no matter what their personal opinions, do they not realize they're hurting the business they're working for? We spend money too :(
Yay! I have an appointment with Kaiser SF Gender Pathways for Nov 8, a follow up from GCS a year ago. They'll check to see if I have magically grown a clitoral hood and Labia minora (nope), and hopefully put me into the queue to eventually be scheduled for a revision/Phase II surgery.
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on September 18, 2018, 05:40:11 PM
@Michelle_P
Dear Michelle:
There you are looking quite beautiful in your new very pretty dress and your very pretty manicure and nails colored beautifully.
Your Costco bargain table dress was a really good find... it is really nice, especially for the price!!!! Next time I go to Costco, which is every couple months, I will look for their bargain table, I never saw one in the store that I frequent but now I will hunt for it.
This was just one of the tables in the clothing area. The dresses were almost buried in the other items stacked there. There were three different Mario Serrani designs, and I bought two of them. The red/white patterned dress wouldn't work for me, but I got this one and a nice abstract floral pattern one.
Quote
It is hard to believe that we saw you in face bandages just 3 weeks later here you are looking very pretty indeed.
Corrector, two coats of concealer, and an opaque clay foundation will do wonders. ;D
The bruises will be completely gone in a week. They are fading pretty quickly now.
Quote from: Sarah1979 on September 18, 2018, 05:45:29 PM
You know, I have to ask myself... exactly what do these people think they're doing... no matter what their personal opinions, do they not realize they're hurting the business they're working for? We spend money too :(
And that is why I let the management/matre de' know or fill out the comment card. I have been known to write a note on the signed credit card receipt as well, next to the tip of $0.00. Maybe everyone who is supposed to get a split of the tip will apply pressure. I can hope...
I haven't looked before, but do we here at Susan's keep a list of hostile businesses or is it a personal thing of yours Michelle? I would love to have a copy either way, so I can begin to refuse to deliver goods to them with my truck.
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 18, 2018, 05:25:52 PM
Just having a nice day so far. I went out to do a few errands, and got a nice complement on my dress. I had my nails done. Last time was the day before surgery, and after three weeks it was time for a fill. I went with a nice coral red with copper flecks.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180918/7da80b372dd9329ab65e88ffc0a11630.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180918/c8af924b0de72d9aca06027a23147396.jpg)
Hi Michelle
You look fabulous and I bet the pictures don't do you justice. Love the nail polish. Hopefully we will get a chance to catch up again soon. It doesn't seem that long ago that you were swathed in bandages just starting your recovery and yet here you are looking so happy and so well. :)
Take care
Liz
Michelle you look GREAT! The contour of your face is so nice and balanced, and just looks right. Absolutely beautiful as yourself now, happy and it shows. Earlier you mentioned the desire to be correctly gendered if you stepped outside without makeup and you've definitely hit that goal.
Quote from: Sarah1979 on September 18, 2018, 06:05:32 PM
I haven't looked before, but do we here at Susan's keep a list of hostile businesses or is it a personal thing of yours Michelle? I would love to have a copy either way, so I can begin to refuse to deliver goods to them with my truck.
This is something done by a number of local support groups. In my area, the Diablo Valley Girls maintain a Tip Sheet listing useful trans-friendly businesses like nail salons and thrift stores, and places to beware of.
Quote from: LizK on September 18, 2018, 07:39:42 PM
Hi Michelle
You look fabulous and I bet the pictures don't do you justice. Love the nail polish. Hopefully we will get a chance to catch up again soon. It doesn't seem that long ago that you were swathed in bandages just starting your recovery and yet here you are looking so happy and so well. :)
Take care
Liz
Thank you, Liz. It has been exactly 3 weeks since surgery. The mummy wraps were on for 10 days! Glad to be out of those!
The bruising is fading quickly now. The big incision on my head is healing well, the dissolving stitches on the eyes are gone, and the sutures in my mouth on the incisions to reach the jaw are dissolving and falling out.
I have a set of standardized 'mug shots' I will be assembling into a composite image so folks can see the changes and healing process more easily.
Quote from: Kendra on September 18, 2018, 10:53:19 PM
Michelle you look GREAT! The contour of your face is so nice and balanced, and just looks right. Absolutely beautiful as yourself now, happy and it shows. Earlier you mentioned the desire to be correctly gendered if you stepped outside without makeup and you've definitely hit that goal.
Thanks, Kendra! Drs. Kleinberger and Shih did an outstanding job. I'm still obviously me, but with subtle changes to properly gender my face, as well as correct a couple asymmetries. I'm happy with the result, and yes, i think i will be gendered correctly with no makeup.
You are looking lovely Michelle! I think it's great that it's only taken 3 weeks to look so good.
Hugs,
Donica.
You look great, Michelle! I love the nails, too.
I had my regular cancer screening today. Only two small actinic keratoses on the back of one hand frozen off. Next screening is in 6 months now. No signs of the melanoma, no funny lymph nodes, a big relief.
My dermatologist was funny. "Say, you had some work done!" She did a quick check of the suture lines and we chatted medical stuff on transition. I think I'm her only medically transitioning patient.
Next week I have my teeth cleaning and dental exam, a 10 mile hike I am leading, and a consult for mammary feminization surgery. [emoji4]
Waitlist for breast augmentation is just a couple months, but they like to have 6 months between general anesthesia hits, so late February 2019 would be the earliest date I could get this through Kaiser.
In early November I have an appointment for a consult on GCS revision. I'd like to have Labia minora and a clitoral hood, and something less like Hedwig and the Angry Inch down there. That will have a wait similar to GCS, probably early to mid-2020. Meanwhile it'll be cotton underware, pads, and skirts to keep the OUCH under control. [emoji45]
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"Six inches forward, and five inches back!" Oh No!
Depending upon your doctors, could they do both surgeries in February?
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 20, 2018, 06:51:28 PM
I had my regular cancer screening today. Only two small actinic keratoses on the back of one hand frozen off. Next screening is in 6 months now. No signs of the melanoma, no funny lymph nodes, a big relief.
My dermatologist was funny. "Say, you had some work done!" She did a quick check of the suture lines and we chatted medical stuff on transition. I think I'm her only medically transitioning patient.
Next week I have my teeth cleaning and dental exam, a 10 mile hike I am leading, and a consult for mammary feminization surgery. [emoji4]
Waitlist for breast augmentation is just a couple months, but they like to have 6 months between general anesthesia hits, so late February 2019 would be the earliest date I could get this through Kaiser.
In early November I have an appointment for a consult on GCS revision. I'd like to have Labia minora and a clitoral hood, and something less like Hedwig and the Angry Inch down there. That will have a wait similar to GCS, probably early to mid-2020. Meanwhile it'll be cotton underware, pads, and skirts to keep the OUCH under control. [emoji45]
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
@Michelle_P Dear Michelle:Thank you for your comprehensive update... it is wonderful to follow your life endeavors as you frequently keep us posted with your life endeavors.
Certainly good news about your cancer screening... it is always best to get frequent checks and to get rid of the bad spots ASAP.
Ah.... your dermatologist noted you had "some" work done..... I trust that she liked what she saw. :)
Well now, a dental exam by your Dentist and teeth cleaning by your Dental Hygienist... I have personal experience with being a trans-woman and making a visit to my Dentist before I came out to my town.... obviously I am sweet on my dental hygienist suitor #4.
As you might recall, both my Dentist and Hygienist knew that I was born a male before I announced it and came out to them.... your teeth and mouth will give you away.... but I am certain that you already have taken care of that in the past with your obviously female name change with the Dental office and/or your official announcement to them.
Good for you with your upcoming 10 mile hike... we will all be waiting for pictures!!!
.... and, WOWzers, you have several more surgeries planned.... full speed ahead, damn the torpedoes!!!!
Just make sure you have your regular caregiver lined up for your recovery!!!!
cc:@LaurieThanks again for keeping your thread full of important stuff about yourself... it is nice that you feel comfortable sharing all of this with your followers.
As always, I eagerly await your next report(s)
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
@Alaskan Danielle I am ridiculously open both here and on Facebook in the Trans groups, and with my friends. It is all part of my educational effort. No two of us choose the same path to address what we are driven to do by our nature, but many individual points on my path are things others might do, and I want to present an honest and complete picture of them.
I may be driven to do this from decades of hiding myself and trying to pass as male, leading to a late life outbreak of openness in partial compensation. I hope it is useful to everyone.
I showed up at my regular teeth cleaning event as myself after I went full time, and went in about a half hour early to update the paperwork. The office took it in stride, and just took a new patient photo to put on my records. No muss or fuss from anyone there, which was interesting in itself.
They'll want details on the surgery as it definitely affects my jaw and mouth! My gum line sutures will give it away if nothing else does. Oh, and I'm due for x-rays...
Quote from: JudiBlueEyes on September 20, 2018, 08:06:25 PM
"Six inches forward, and five inches back!" Oh No!
Depending upon your doctors, could they do both surgeries in February?
I'd like that, but it isn't likely. They'd be jumping me way ahead on the GCS queue to do that.
Honestly, I don't know if the revisions on the GCS will ever happen, or if the trach shave and lower facelift will, for that matter. I've asked for it, and it is authorized for their surgeons only, but the surgeons have a huge backlog of folks wanting and needing the basics that I have already had.
If other things fall into place, I may explore doing these elsewhere and trying to pay for the whole thing.
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 20, 2018, 09:51:20 PM
I am ridiculously open both here and on Facebook in the Trans groups, and with my friends. It is all part of my educational effort. No two of us choose the same path to address what we are driven to do by our nature, but many individual points on my path are things others might do, and I want to present an honest and complete picture of them.
I may be driven to do this from decades of hiding myself and trying to pass as male, leading to a late life outbreak of openness in partial compensation. I hope it is useful to everyone.
Michelle, your openness and willingness to embrace life as a woman has been one of the factors in how I feel I would need to be. The trips out and about we have taken are very relaxed, even when there are obstacles. Your attitude gives me direction on how to just be who you are.
Your confidence instills confidence in myself.
My trip to the top of Mission Peak showed that I was unabashed in how I appeared.
I thank you for your new life as a guide for me.
With confidence comes resolve.
I'm close to resolution.
Hugs and smiles from another California girl
Michelle,
"If other things fall into place, I may explore doing these elsewhere and trying to pay for the whole thing."
I found the trachea shave to not be terribly expensive so you might look into that sooner than later.
I've been seeing the same dentist for 35 years, yet with different hygienists. The staff took my new presentation in stride as well. Onward!
Judi
Quote from: JudiBlueEyes on September 21, 2018, 12:37:56 PM
Michelle,
"If other things fall into place, I may explore doing these elsewhere and trying to pay for the whole thing."
I found the trachea shave to not be terribly expensive so you might look into that sooner than later.
I've been seeing the same dentist for 35 years, yet with different hygienists. The staff took my new presentation in stride as well. Onward!
Judi
I was thinking about that. My intent was to wait for the FFS soft tissue changes to settle down, and then do a lower facelift with the trach shave. The lower lift incisions would be used to do the trach shave, and I would avoid a possible faint scar on the neck.
The BA that I wanted to get could be done with either the GCS revision or the lower facelift, but in Kaiser NorCal, the surgery team that does face and neck work is different than the one that does BA, even using different hospitals! It is possible that I could combine the BA and GCS revision as the same team does both, but the wait would be very long.
Also, there seems to be a strong preference with surgeons to not want to do revisions on someone else's work, so the GCS revision might best be done by the Kaiser NorCal team.
I'm inclined to get on the waitlist with Kaiser NorCal for the GCS revision, and perhaps look elsewhere for combining BA, trach shave, and the lower facelift.
Wow! It really is a long road. Main surgeries, then revisions. Onward we go! I'm glad they took care of that spot on your hand. I had a minor Basal cell type on my face years ago. Nothing since. Thanks for sharing your transitioning with us Michelle. You are an inspiration for all of us. You are a beautiful women.
Hugs,
Donica.
I suppose I am healing up and feeling better. I'm baking cookies today.
75 of my special chocolate chip cookies, and another 32 of the dairy & gluten free ones for folks who need that...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180921/31281c7e6f1b49a300eff42edea57e9c.jpg)
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 21, 2018, 04:14:10 PM
I suppose I am healing up and feeling better. I'm baking cookies today.
75 of my special chocolate chip cookies, and another 32 of the dairy & gluten free ones for folks who need that...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180921/31281c7e6f1b49a300eff42edea57e9c.jpg)
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
@Michelle_PDear Michelle:
Oh yeah, for me baking and cooking is great therapy... and now that you are getting healed up nicely and feeling better.... activities like that can be a nice change from your previous recovery experience.
My oh my.... your "special" chocolate chip cookies look terrific... I am certain that they taste as good as they appear. Yum Yum!!!!
Thanks for making my mouth water!!!
Hugs,
Danielle
Oh my! 2 chocolate chip cookies please! Didn't I mention I'm trying to loose weight? Oh heck! 4 please!
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 21, 2018, 04:14:10 PM
I suppose I am healing up and feeling better. I'm baking cookies today.
75 of my special chocolate chip cookies, and another 32 of the dairy & gluten free ones for folks who need that...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180921/31281c7e6f1b49a300eff42edea57e9c.jpg)
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
You are baking again...that is a very good sign...you must be well and truly on the mend...good to see. :)
Take care
Liz
Thanks! This batch of cookies was devoured by the usual suspects at my church today during a big brainstorming session for the next year.
I noticed again some differences in behavior of other folks around me both while walking around and in the meeting, that tell me I likely have passing privilege now. I was not talked over nearly as much in discussions, and one of our lesbians was flirting with me.
While walking with my usual smile pasted on my face, I was greeted with a big smile by many other women on the street, some of them also saying "Hi!", "Hello", etc. That's new.
The outfit might have helped.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180923/dc990c734d27b3685a1b7873d8905528.jpg)
Privilege is a funny thing. I think I may have leveled up to cisgender woman levels.
@Michelle no more cookies? I was hoping that you delivered. I'd like to try the gluten free ones (yes, I'm one of those intolerant types).
Btw, I know I don't speak up much. I did follow your whole progress.
Faith
Also, I can't imagine anyone talking over and around you.
Quote from: Faith on September 22, 2018, 08:41:21 PM
@Michelle no more cookies? I was hoping that you delivered. I'd like to try the gluten free ones (yes, I'm one of those intolerant types).
Chocolate Chip Cookies - Vegan/Dairy Free/Gluten Free
2 1/2 cups blanched almond flour
1/2 tsp sea salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 cup grapeseed oil
1/2 cup agave nectar
1 tbsp vanilla extract
1 cup chocolate chips (any brand that certifies vegan)
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Combine the dry ingredients in a large bowl.
Stir together the grapeseed oil, agave nectar, and vanilla extract in a smaller bowl.
Mix the liquid into the combined dry ingredients.
Form the dough into 1" balls, and press onto parchment paper lined baking sheets.
Bake at 350 degrees F for 8-11 minutes. The cookies will brown very quickly toward the end, so keep a very close eye on them.
Quote
Btw, I know I don't speak up much. I did follow your whole progress.
Faith
Also, I can't imagine anyone talking over and around you.
That's what this thread is for; something to read that shows how life can change us and or experience of the world.
As far as being talked over is concerned, well, there is a pecking order of privilege in the world that is invisible to most folks, as invisible as water is to a fish. We swim in it, and it governs many of our daily interactions. I have found in meetings there is a pecking order, something like this particularly with older folks like our congregation:
- Cisgender Men, straight
- Cisgender Men, gay
- Cisgender Women, straight
- Cisgender Women, lesbian
- Androgynous Men
- Transgender Women
Being talked over is quite common. Standing up and talking very loudly while others remain seated often helps. That is, breaking social norms in an annoying and attention focusing way! ;D
@Michelle_P Quote from: Michelle_P on September 22, 2018, 08:28:53 PM
Thanks! This batch of cookies was devoured by the usual suspects at my church today during a big brainstorming session for the next year.
I noticed again some differences in behavior of other folks around me both while walking around and in the meeting, that tell me I likely have passing privilege now. I was not talked over nearly as much in discussions, and one of our lesbians was flirting with me.
While walking with my usual smile pasted on my face, I was greeted with a big smile by many other women on the street, some of them also saying "Hi!", "Hello", etc. That's new.
The outfit might have helped.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180923/dc990c734d27b3685a1b7873d8905528.jpg)
Privilege is a funny thing. I think I may have leveled up to cisgender woman levels.
Congratulations Michelle, I'm so happy for you! It was all worth it!
Now go find that guy in the wheelchair and bring him a coffee and one of those cookies.
Love makes the world go round, and that might make him dizzy.
Hugs and smiles from another California girl
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 22, 2018, 08:57:05 PM
recipe
Thanks !!! Time for some cookies, not tonight. Otherwise I'd be tossing them.
Quote... pecking order ...
- Cisgender Men, straight
- Cisgender Men, gay
- Cisgender Women, straight
- Cisgender Women, lesbian
- Androgynous Men
- Transgender Women
- me
I added one
seriously, that order looks fairly accurate for the world. I think it's time to peck people off. :)
My girl friend is running all over now that I came home, showing off her wares. And looking GOOD while she does it too. I think she is trying to see if I am jealous.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 22, 2018, 08:28:53 PM
Thanks! This batch of cookies was devoured by the usual suspects at my church today during a big brainstorming session for the next year.
I noticed again some differences in behavior of other folks around me both while walking around and in the meeting, that tell me I likely have passing privilege now. I was not talked over nearly as much in discussions, and one of our lesbians was flirting with me.
While walking with my usual smile pasted on my face, I was greeted with a big smile by many other women on the street, some of them also saying "Hi!", "Hello", etc. That's new.
The outfit might have helped.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180923/dc990c734d27b3685a1b7873d8905528.jpg)
Privilege is a funny thing. I think I may have leveled up to cisgender woman levels.
Oh yes Michelle! That's because you are looking very cis these days. Congratulation Girl!!!
BTW! Is that a whip standing in the corner behind you? :o
Hugs Michelle!
Donica.
Electrolysis day. I haven't seen Jodie professionally since late July, two months without electrolysis. I haven't shaved since April, so the 200 odd hours of zappage have definitely had an effect. Honestly, I know cisgender women my age who haveharier faces than I've been walking around with.
In one hour Jodie cleared the upper lip and the entire right side of the face, getting all the obviously terminal hairs. It certainly feels much smoother!
There is probably a bit over an hour of work left, so I booked 2 hours worth in two weeks. I can always use leftover time on my eyebrows. It will likely be my last professional visit with Jodie, as she is a little older than I, and is retiring soon.
I think I will be transitioning my electrolysis treatments to a 'maintenance' phase, occasionally scheduling an hour as needed with a local electrolyst, but no more regular weekly appointments. I never thiought I'd reach this point, but here I am after 27 months.
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 24, 2018, 05:30:37 PM
Electrolysis day. I haven't seen Jodie professionally since late July, two months without electrolysis. I haven't shaved since April, so the 200 odd hours of zappage have definitely had an effect. Honestly, I know cisgender women my age who haveharier faces than I've been walking around with.
In one hour Jodie cleared the upper lip and the entire right side of the face, getting all the obviously terminal hairs. It certainly feels much smoother!
There is probably a bit over an hour of work left, so I booked 2 hours worth in two weeks. I can always use leftover time on my eyebrows. It will likely be my last professional visit with Jodie, as she is a little older than I, and is retiring soon.
I think I will be transitioning my electrolysis treatments to a 'maintenance' phase, occasionally scheduling an hour as needed with a local electrolyst, but no more regular weekly appointments. I never thiought I'd reach this point, but here I am after 27 months.
That is an amazing accomplishment Michelle and you have every reason to be proud of this. Electrolysis has to be one of the most difficult physical part of transition for many and I have watched you stoically go about this task week after week most times for multiple hours. I too was having electrolysis and there were many times I would think of you and how you would deal with the pain and discomfort issues to help me hang in there. It must feel really great to know that you really are finally down to those maintenance appointments.
I have not had any facial electrolysis done for a number of months but I have another appointment to have another assessment. There are a number of terminal hairs but then there are also a number of vellus and I want to know how much of the stuff is terminal and needs removing. I cannot afford to use the last person I had and am expecting to be told I need another 10 hours to finally finish off. I thought I was done, but what I really was, .... was fed up with Electrolysis!! LOL Oh well we live and we learn. :laugh:
Congratulations on finally getting there and thanks for inspiring me personally
Liz
@Michelle_P Dear Michelle:I am giving you big
HUGS and bigger
HUGSI felt badly for you after reading about your disappointing and frustrating mis-gendering at your Dentist's office as you described in you post on the "Unhappy" thread.
Thinking of you, [emoji173] [emoji173] [emoji173]
Danielle
Thank you, @Alaskan Danielle
Getting repeatedly misgendered, even if somehow innocently, at this stage of transition is both a real kick in the teeth, and a nasty reality check.
Between "trans and womyns" events that turn out to be trans men only, continued misgendering by "welcoming and accepting" church members, and all the other daily microaggressions, I'm not sure if I will ever pass.
I may have been too open and trusting of others. Woodworking, the old relocate and disappear into the woodwork gag, is looking more and more appealing every day.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
At times being open and trusting is a double edged sword. People it seems hone in on what they've been initially told (you're TG) so that may be part of it even though you clearly are feminine in all facets. Maybe moving to a new neighborhood or just start frequenting new shops and stores in different direction from your place. That's what I've done. Traffic has gotten worse where I shopped so I've headed in the opposite direction and have found everything I need, and its only a few further minutes away.
Great news on the electro. I'm really close to where you are. Can't wait!
Judi
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 25, 2018, 05:02:11 PM
Thank you, @Alaskan Danielle
Getting repeatedly misgendered, even if somehow innocently, at this stage of transition is both a real kick in the teeth, and a nasty reality check.
Between "trans and womyns" events that turn out to be trans men only, continued misgendering by "welcoming and accepting" church members, and all the other daily microaggressions, I'm not sure if I will ever pass.
I may have been too open and trusting of others. Woodworking, the old relocate and disappear into the woodwork gag, is looking more and more appealing every day.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
My dear girlfriend. I for one know who and what your are. I can honestly say I love you for who you are and in my eyes there is no doubt you are a woman, female, girlfriend, and my love. I know how these intended or even unintended misgenderings bother you. I wish I could erase that pain for you. Alas I cannot. Apart all I can try to do is console you with words. Those are hardly adequate. But I try. It is all I can do.
Hugs & Love
Laurie
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 25, 2018, 05:02:11 PM
Thank you, @Alaskan Danielle
Getting repeatedly misgendered, even if somehow innocently, at this stage of transition is both a real kick in the teeth, and a nasty reality check.
Between "trans and womyns" events that turn out to be trans men only, continued misgendering by "welcoming and accepting" church members, and all the other daily microaggressions, I'm not sure if I will ever pass.
I may have been too open and trusting of others. Woodworking, the old relocate and disappear into the woodwork gag, is looking more and more appealing every day.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
@Michelle_P My dear Michelle: Awwweee, I am really sorry .....
...from past personal experience I can definitively feel your pain.
The old saying applies here,
"If you fall off of your horse, dust yourself off, and get back on the horse" and continue on in your journey. .... each time this happens it can be a learning experience and eventually the mis-gendering will become less and less until you achieve success. The way that I have reacted to misgendering is to certainly correct the mistake, ignore any rude remarks and obvious staring, hold my head high, big smile on my face and walk away confidently.
You did what you had to do at the your Dentist's office, I am certain now that their records will be crystal clean and won't allow this to happen again, but as you stated, you will be looking for a more "accepting" Dentist office to spend your money on. It will be interesting to see if the offending office sends you an apology letter or at least a phone call.... please keep us posted
... and please be strong, determined and unwavering in your journey as I know that you will be.
Hugs and hugs and more hugs, [emoji173]
Danielle
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 25, 2018, 05:02:11 PM
Thank you, @Alaskan Danielle
Getting repeatedly misgendered, even if somehow innocently, at this stage of transition is both a real kick in the teeth, and a nasty reality check.
Between "trans and womyns" events that turn out to be trans men only, continued misgendering by "welcoming and accepting" church members, and all the other daily microaggressions, I'm not sure if I will ever pass.
I may have been too open and trusting of others. Woodworking, the old relocate and disappear into the woodwork gag, is looking more and more appealing every day.
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Oh, Michelle, I feel your pain so acutely. My BFF @SassyCassie and I have talked about this exact subject more than once. We call it "pulling a Danielle." Just pull up stakes and move somewhere where nobody knows you, and start all over. Maybe somewhere where there is a tolerant environment for alternative lifestyles. But in the end, it's almost unworkable, at least for the foreseeable future, for both of us.
It sure is attractive sometimes, though.
Hang in there, hon. Breathe in, breathe out, move on. This too shall pass.
Stephanie
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 25, 2018, 05:02:11 PM
Thank you, @Alaskan Danielle
Getting repeatedly misgendered, even if somehow innocently, at this stage of transition is both a real kick in the teeth, and a nasty reality check.
Between "trans and womyns" events that turn out to be trans men only, continued misgendering by "welcoming and accepting" church members, and all the other daily microaggressions, I'm not sure if I will ever pass.
I may have been too open and trusting of others. Woodworking, the old relocate and disappear into the woodwork gag, is looking more and more appealing every day.
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I missed that post you are referring to but it is pretty sickening. My anger of misgendering has always been about the same thing, it takes nothing to show even some basic decency and use correct pronouns. It is as you describe, a microaggression and we seem to spend a fair amount of time on the receiving end of them.
Take care
Liz
In the medical field I think it's inexcusable to misgender someone once their correct pronouns/gender is listed in patient records. At that point it's not just a courtesy - those records help with important decisions. If a dental assistant has ignored basic information in your records (or is just ignorant) I'd be concerned about safety of care and would never return.
Dental offices in larger cities compete for good patients.
Quote from: Kendra on September 27, 2018, 08:10:03 AM
In the medical field I think it's inexcusable to misgender someone once their correct pronouns/gender is listed in patient records. At that point it's not just a courtesy - those records help with important decisions. If a dental assistant has ignored basic information in your records (or is just ignorant) I'd be concerned about safety of care and would never return.
Dental offices in larger cities compete for good patients.
I absolutely agree with this, and consider the sloppiness or inattention to be a red flag. I'm moving onto a Medicare Advantage plan and will be looking for a new 'in network' dentist anyway. This event thoroughly convinced me it is time to change dentists.
I just had my Mammary Feminization consult with a Kaiser NorCal surgeon.
They will do saline or liquid silicone implants under muscle, with a small incision in the estimated breast fold.
Cohesive implants are associated with an easily treated cancer, at a risk of roughly 1 :: 100,000 possibly related to the textured surface, so they are not doing them at this time.
Silicone has a better feel than saline. Rupture risk is about 1% per year and leaked fluid will be confined to the tissue capsule formed, requiring nonemergency surgical replacement.
Under muscle placement. has less risk of capsular contracture.
Sizing:
14 cm width, both sides
Exact fit to be determined in the OR
Date: earliest would be December. One year waitlist, but I can take earlier openings on a few days notice.
If I go with this it would be covered by my insurance. That is a big plus. The incision and the leakage/rupture risks are minuses. I'll think about it...
Meanwhile I'm celebrating the possibility with lunch at a French bistro. Onion soup and quiche Lorraine.
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OMG - love a proper (French) Onion soup - please take a pic as you just reminded me of something I need to perfect in cooking again - pretty please :)
Luv n Hugz
Katie
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Great news Michelle! You know my feelings on the matter. I am for what ever makes you happy. The decision is and always will be yours to make.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Katie Jade on September 27, 2018, 06:03:05 PM
OMG - love a proper (French) Onion soup - please take a pic as you just reminded me of something I need to perfect in cooking again - pretty please [emoji4]
Luv n Hugz
Katie
[emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1]
Oops. I didn't photograph the soup. It's the usual rich broth with caramelized onion. Thin baguette slices are toasted and floated on the broth, and the top is covered in Gruyere and broiled under a salamander or oven broiler element until melted. It is usually made and served in croc bowls.
I did get the quiche.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180928/abe44b914aaccf837b17769dea5acc4c.jpg)
I finished the day with a little shoe shopping and picked up some needed tops.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180928/c06007f1bec79f57f32f00758d6d37e4.jpg)
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Oh I love the shoes Michelle. Great news about you BA. I'm hoping I won't need BA but it is looking that way. I was curious? I have a Kaiser Senior Advantage plan. I have herd that they would make the incision in the armpits? I'm guessing that must be the saline version? I haven't look into BA yet so I'm sure I'm just misinformed?
Donica.
Quote from: Donica on September 28, 2018, 02:14:18 PM
Oh I love the shoes Michelle. Great news about you BA. I'm hoping I won't need BA but it is looking that way. I was curious? I have a Kaiser Senior Advantage plan. I have herd that they would make the incision in the armpits? I'm guessing that must be the saline version? I haven't look into BA yet so I'm sure I'm just misinformed?
Donica.
The location of the incision depends on the type of implant, and the placement; over the muscle, within the muscle, or below the muscle.
In my particular case, Dr Gurjala suggested placement below the muscle, against the connective tissue wall on the rib cage, of a 14 cm implant. The incision is about 4 cm, placed at the estimated lower fold of the augmented breast. I would go with silicone. At that location it will be encapsulated quickly by the body, but with low risk of capsular contraction, so a possible rupture is less risky. It should produce a good natural appearance and feel. My personal target is roughly a 36C size, although we know how wildly variable that can be. My current band size is 34 3/4 inches, and I wear a 34B or 36A, with padding. I'm 5'7" and 135 lbs, not a terribly large person.
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 27, 2018, 07:38:20 PM
Oops. I didn't photograph the soup. It's the usual rich broth with caramelized onion. Thin baguette slices are toasted and floated on the broth, and the top is covered in Gruyere and broiled under a salamander or oven broiler element until melted. It is usually made and served in croc bowls.
I did get the quiche.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180928/abe44b914aaccf837b17769dea5acc4c.jpg)
I finished the day with a little shoe shopping and picked up some needed tops.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180928/c06007f1bec79f57f32f00758d6d37e4.jpg)
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
@Michele_P
Dear Michelle:Great pictures.
A wonderful day for sure..... french onion soup and a tasty quiche ...
.....and a new pair of black patent wedge heel shoes.
Also your BA plans are exciting news..... hmmm, more surgery, how exciting is that! ;)
Thank you for keeping your followers updated with your latest life endeavors.
Hugs,
Danielle
This is an odd day. I've had someone staying with me most of this year in the second bedroom ("Laurie's Room", she'll tell you...). Today, she is leaving under unfortunate circumstances, medical stuff, and relocating across the country.
We've become good friends, and this is a sad event. I'm helping her get stuff together today, and tonight will be taking her to the airport.
I hope she does well.
It will be a bit odd living alone again. Nobody else in the place, cooking for one, and so on. It's an odd day.
bummer. It can be tough to all of a sudden live alone. Even if not much goes on their presence is felt. You'll need to work out a rotating list of visitors, like a time share, to help ease the feeling of loss.
Faith
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 02, 2018, 11:16:28 AM
This is an odd day. I've had someone staying with me most of this year in the second bedroom ("Laurie's Room", she'll tell you...). Today, she is leaving under unfortunate circumstances, medical stuff, and relocating across the country.
We've become good friends, and this is a sad event. I'm helping her get stuff together today, and tonight will be taking her to the airport.
I hope she does well.
It will be a bit odd living alone again. Nobody else in the place, cooking for one, and so on. It's an odd day.
@Michelle_P Dear Michelle:I am so very sorry to hear about your friend and her apparent medical difficulties .... and then to top it off she is relocating far way. Both you and her are losing a pleasant time of not being alone for the time that she has stayed with you.... however the very good news is that with Facetime, Skype, emails, etc, you both can still stay in very close and personal touch with each other. I am trusting and hoping that all goes well for her. ... and for you as well as you deal with the emotions of all of this.
To give you some relief for your parting sorrow, you should arrange for
@Laurie to come down from Oregon for an extended visit to re-occupy her room again and to give you much needed companionship... I am guessing but probably a 10 to 11 hour drive in her famous truck that has made numerous trips around the country.... or there are plenty of cheap flights that could get her there in less than 2 hours.
Hugs and hugs and well wishes I am sending to you.
Danielle
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 02, 2018, 11:16:28 AM
This is an odd day. I've had someone staying with me most of this year in the second bedroom ("Laurie's Room", she'll tell you...). Today, she is leaving under unfortunate circumstances, medical stuff, and relocating across the country.
We've become good friends, and this is a sad event. I'm helping her get stuff together today, and tonight will be taking her to the airport.
I hope she does well.
It will be a bit odd living alone again. Nobody else in the place, cooking for one, and so on. It's an odd day.
I'm sorry to here that Michelle. I hope your friend fares well, and you too. This is an emotional time and IDK about you, but I would have to stay away from the wine tonight because that would only serve to help turn on the water leaks.
Warm hugs Michelle!!!
Donica.
Too bad about your boarders medical circumstance. I hope it all works out well. Having the place to yourself will be a bit of a break and may encourage you to get out and about more often now that your healing has progressed. As noted, there is always Laurie to call on for a bit of excitement!
Judi
While my house guest was enjoying herself today, luxuriating in a bubble bath, dining on fine local Italian cuisine, and running around with her friends, I was working on the One Day Ham Class, a 12 hour marathon in which we bring in a bunch of students and get them ready to take the examination for an amateur radio license.
We finish the day with a huge exam session. 75 people took exams today, and 60 of them passed and are receiving licenses.
I got home tired, and then knocked together a quick dinner for my guest and I. Tomorrow morning we will be off to church, and then will go out to breakfast.
Life goes on... 💕
Yawn... I'm so tired from my grueling days activities. I may go to bed early tonight.
Hugs *yawn*,
Laurie
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 06, 2018, 11:37:37 PM
While my house guest was enjoying herself today, luxuriating in a bubble bath, dining on fine local Italian cuisine, and running around with her friends, I was working on the One Day Ham Class, a 12 hour marathon in which we bring in a bunch of students and get them ready to take the examination for an amateur radio license.
We finish the day with a huge exam session. 75 people took exams today, and 60 of them passed and are receiving licenses.
I got home tired, and then knocked together a quick dinner for my guest and I. Tomorrow morning we will be off to church, and then will go out to breakfast.
Life goes on... 💕
Been a weird week for you hasn't it, sorry to hear about your impending enforced serenity although you may well be happy with the eventual peace and quiet for awhile ;) ...Great to see Laurie is doing the hard yards again...bubble baths can be just...so...so...tiresome I guess LOL
Have a lovely day together you two. Hope breakfast is great.
Take care
Liz
Hey, I did all the work last visit...
You mean to say looking after your beautiful girlfriend was WORK!!! Shame on you Laurie Shame on you.... :D
As you cant put yourself on the fridge go sweep the yard !!!!! shame on you , at least do a famous Laurie breakfast mashup.
Quote from: Laurie on October 07, 2018, 12:45:09 AM
Hey, I did all the work last visit...
That's true Michelle. She did. Jeez Laurie! Your such an angel ::).
Donica.
Thank you Donica.
Liz and Davina... Pffffft you two just hush.
Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk
Its Okay Michelle I know what she's like..... :laugh: she is way nicer than she like to admit ;)
So is the yard clean????
Quote from: Laurie on October 08, 2018, 01:10:38 AM
Liz and Davina... Pffffft you two just hush.
Oh, good luck with THAT!
Quote from: LizK on October 09, 2018, 01:12:14 AM
Its Okay Michelle I know what she's like..... :laugh: she is way nicer than she like to admit ;)
Yup. I keep telling her that "MeanRotten" has left the building. I am rather fond of "Sweet Loving" Laurie...
Quote from: davina61 on October 09, 2018, 03:20:53 PM
So is the yard clean????
Nice thing about condominiums... That is Someone Else's Problem!
You girls crack me up! It's nice to follow a good humoured post [emoji16]
Back to Michelle's FFS have I missed a photo update lately or hasn't there been any? How is the recovery / bruising going?
Nicole
Quote from: Nicole70 on October 09, 2018, 07:17:57 PM
You girls crack me up! It's nice to follow a good humoured post [emoji16]
Back to Michelle's FFS have I missed a photo update lately or hasn't there been any? How is the recovery / bruising going?
Nicole
I have to say that to me Michelle looks wonderful. It is just possible that I may be slightly biased though.
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Quote from: Laurie on October 09, 2018, 09:51:38 PM
I have to say that to me Michelle looks wonderful. It is just possible that I may be slightly biased though.
The rest of us may be, too, because we think she looks wonderful, also!
Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 09, 2018, 10:03:48 PM
The rest of us may be, too, because we think she looks wonderful, also!
She is
Positively
Lovely
After her
Newest transformation
Quote from: Nicole70 on October 09, 2018, 07:17:57 PM
You girls crack me up! It's nice to follow a good humoured post [emoji16]
Back to Michelle's FFS have I missed a photo update lately or hasn't there been any? How is the recovery / bruising going?
Nicole
I did an update at the one month point, and plain to do one at the 2 month point. Things change very slowly after a month.
The bruises are almost completely faded away, the nose is less numb, some sensitivity is returning on the chin and spots on the forehead and crown. The last of the sutures is gone in the mouth. Swelling is down slightly and the narrower chin is more apparent.
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 09, 2018, 05:06:22 PM
....
Yup. I keep telling her that "MeanRotten" has left the building. I am rather fond of "Sweet Loving" Laurie...
...
Agree completely!! :)
Quote from: Jessica on October 09, 2018, 10:15:36 PM
She is Positively
Lovely
After her
Newest transformation
So will PLAN be the new acronym?
Quote from: Donica on October 10, 2018, 07:53:02 AM
So will PLAN be the new acronym?
It looks like that'll be the new meme for Lauritsa now that the "M" word* has expired.
Stephanie
* For those who weren't around back then, "M" meant the Makeover everyone was threatening Lauritania with.
My wonderful girlfriend @Laurie has made a special dinner for me, from scratch. Oh, my! Also, YUM!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181013/e168349e5d1e5fd623eacf238bd9f267.jpg)
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 12, 2018, 10:03:37 PM
My wonderful girlfriend @Laurie has made a special dinner for me, from scratch. Oh, my! Also, YUM!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181013/e168349e5d1e5fd623eacf238bd9f267.jpg)
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
@Michelle_P cc:
@Laurie Dear Michelle:Wowzers... a wonderful looking plate of food, looks absolutely delicious.
Laurie is not only beautiful and caring, but it appears that she can cook too.... if I were you I would keep her around.
Positively
Lovely
And
Nutritious
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 12, 2018, 10:03:37 PM
My wonderful girlfriend @Laurie has made a special dinner for me, from scratch. Oh, my! Also, YUM!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181013/e168349e5d1e5fd623eacf238bd9f267.jpg)
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
That's very kind of Laurie. It looks delicious!
Hope to see you tomorrow, Laurie is purposely being evasive on your twos doings.
I will be dropping off water tanks for her to bring up to
@Tessa James
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 12, 2018, 10:16:29 PM
@Michelle_P cc: @Laurie
Dear Michelle:
Wowzers... a wonderful looking plate of food, looks absolutely delicious. Laurie is not only beautiful and caring, but it appears that she can cook too.... if I were you I would keep her around.
Positively
Lovely
And
Nutritious
Hugs,
Danielle
Ah. Indeed. I love it!
One of those days...
Girlfriend has headed north for a while. I'm off to church to take on a couple of tasks.
For a 'scavenger hunt', I get to wait in a certain place for folks to come by and ask me a set of questions about being a Worship Associate. I waited. And waited. One person came by.
Oh, well.
Later that afternoon, I co-hosted a "QUEER 101" class, basic stuff on LGBTQ folks that the congregation really, really, really needs a refresher on. I was there with the intern minister and one other person from the LGBTQ committee to host a 2 hour Safe Zone training that I have done elsewhere a few times.
One person, an ally that I have chatted with many times and is already conversant on the topic, came. We held the class.
Oh, well...
Some days, it just isn't worth the trouble to get out of bed, ya know? At least I have sweet & sour pork and fried rice leftovers for dinner. Thank you,
@Laurie !
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 14, 2018, 07:08:29 PMM
Oh, well...At least I have sweet & sour pork and fried rice leftovers for dinner. Thank you, @Laurie !
Michelle, I'm sorry I wasn't able to attend church today, my wife decided we going shopping for garden stuff.
When I was there yesterday I don't think you and Laurie recognized that you were making me drool when you talked about making it together. All Laurie let me taste was hot sauce...
Quote from: Jessica on October 14, 2018, 07:29:47 PM
Michelle, I'm sorry I wasn't able to attend church today, my wife decided we going shopping for garden stuff.
When I was there yesterday I don't think you and Laurie recognized that you were making me drool when you talked about making it together. All Laurie let me taste was hot sauce...
Quite all right. Family comes first!
And she didn't give you a taste of the sweet&sour pork? Good grief!
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 14, 2018, 07:37:59 PM
Quite all right. Family comes first!
And she didn't give you a taste of the sweet&sour pork? Good grief!
n That's because I am MeanRotten.
nu uh!
My former roommate is relocating across country, under unfortunate circumstances. I'm going to miss her, in spite of her quirks and the over the top banter with Laurie. I'll have to get used to being by myself again.
Today I finished packing up the last of her stuff, hauling it all off to the shipping terminal, and delivering her car to a dealer she had arranged with. I'm sort of tired and feeling a little down. I do at least have a therapy appointment, a group session tomorrow, so I'll be seeing and talking to people.
I've got Worship Associate duties this Sunday at the Unitarian Universalist congregation here. Some speech writing and a bunch of prep work to keep me busy, probably a good thing.
In the plus column, absolutely nobody misgendered me, or gave me any of 'those' looks. I'm certain I was passing everywhere today. Yay.
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 16, 2018, 11:31:21 PM
My former roommate is relocating across country, under unfortunate circumstances. I'm going to miss her, in spite of her quirks and the over the top banter with Laurie. I'll have to get used to being by myself again.
Today I finished packing up the last of her stuff, hauling it all off to the shipping terminal, and delivering her car to a dealer she had arranged with. I'm sort of tired and feeling a little down. I do at least have a therapy appointment, a group session tomorrow, so I'll be seeing and talking to people.
I've got Worship Associate duties this Sunday at the Unitarian Universalist congregation here. Some speech writing and a bunch of prep work to keep me busy, probably a good thing.
@Michelle_P Dear Michelle:I would imagine that after living with a roommate or a partner for any extended period of time that the sudden change to living alone would be difficult to deal with.
In a slightly different way, when I relocated to my new town, I knew absolutely no one here... I hated the evenings and weekends living in an isolated rural area with no friends or buddies to hang around with plus to make it worse the town rolled up the streets at night.... and in the winter time the darkness was long. I made a point of staying busy with my office work and found hobbies to keep my mind off of being lonely.
I soon started exercising my natural personality of being friendly and outgoing, I also found that my next door from my office coffee shop was in reality the town's meet and greet center.... and soon I became involved in many new friendships and acquaintances... and to my surprise new suitors too. I also am keeping busy being involved with civic activities, my gym-gals group meets every week and my monthly book club, and more.
I have said this around the forums many times before:
"Busy people are happy people."It is good that you are keeping your mind occupied with your near future commitments of being a Worship Associate at your church... and your speech writing and prep work.... in time you will again develop lots of things that will keep you busy in between your visits from
@Laurie Fortunately for you, it seems that you do have many local friends including some of your like-minded forums friends that live fairly close by.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Alright Michelle time for a nice big hug. Here ya go.
You have handled so many things very well and it's interesting how the things you're facing are increasingly connected to just regular life.
Quote from: Kendra on October 17, 2018, 12:17:37 AM
Alright Michelle time for a nice big hug. Here ya go.
You have handled so many things very well and it's interesting how the things you're facing are increasingly connected to just regular life.
Thanks, Kendra!
Yes, you are right. Much of what I am dealing with is just life, the routine things most women deal with in life, and has very little to do with my transgender origins. That's a good thing, overall.
I think I have pretty much completed my social transition at this point, and honestly, I think I could get by on just the medical work done so far, stage 1 GCS and FFS. The rest is the icing on the cake, so to speak.
This is part of why I continue to post here, to document life as transitioning ends and my life goes on. Too many focus on transition and not on what they might focus their drive on afterward.
Michelle, I've been wondering why you've been on my mind. I have wanted to come by this week, but I've had ⚡️⚡️⚡️ three times this week already, I have an ENT appointment tomorrow. I would like to see you on Thursday if you would like....?
Quote from: Jessica on October 17, 2018, 12:57:51 AM
Michelle, I've been wondering why you've been on my mind. I have wanted to come by this week, but I've had ⚡️⚡️⚡️ three times this week already, I have an ENT appointment tomorrow. I would like to see you on Thursday if you would like....?
Thanks, Jess! Thursday, though, I have a couple hours of electrolysis lined up. The left side of my face and neck haven't seen The Needle since late July, and definitely need some work, The right side is better, but it has been 3 weeks there and cleanup is a good idea.
I get treatment an hour north of here, and with lunch, drive time, and a COSTCO run, Thursday doesn't have much free time left in it. I know you have plans over the weekend, and while I would love to join you, I have that Worship Associate gig Sunday. I may just hit Octoberfest on Saturday with some friends.
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 17, 2018, 12:47:10 AM
Quote from: Kendra on October 17, 2018, 12:17:37 AM
Alright Michelle time for a nice big hug. Here ya go.
You have handled so many things very well and it's interesting how the things you're facing are increasingly connected to just regular life.
Thanks, Kendra!
Yes, you are right. Much of what I am dealing with is just life, the routine things most women deal with in life, and has very little to do with my transgender origins. That's a good thing, overall.
I think I have pretty much completed my social transition at this point, and honestly, I think I could get by on just the medical work done so far, stage 1 GCS and FFS. The rest is the icing on the cake, so to speak.
This is part of why I continue to post here, to document life as transitioning ends and my life goes on. Too many focus on transition and not on what they might focus their drive on afterward.
In my opinion that is the one of the keys to an enjoyable life following all of the "stuff" of the previous one. After all the traumas are done with we still have to earn a living, be social, have interests and face the day. The difference being is that we can now face it as a happy well balanced person.
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 17, 2018, 01:28:10 AM
Thanks, Jess! Thursday, though, I have a couple hours of electrolysis lined up. The left side of my face and neck haven't seen The Needle since late July, and definitely need some work, The right side is better, but it has been 3 weeks there and cleanup is a good idea.
I get treatment an hour north of here, and with lunch, drive time, and a COSTCO run, Thursday doesn't have much free time left in it. I know you have plans over the weekend, and while I would love to join you, I have that Worship Associate gig Sunday. I may just hit Octoberfest on Saturday with some friends.
Michelle, I'm sorry the house is quiet again but with all your activities in between Jessica and Laurie's visits, I sounds like you have little time alone. Stay busy and happy.
Wow, an hours drive to electrolysis? I'm embarrassed to step out the door with all the numbing cream and cellophane (did I spell that right?) on my face. The back windows of the cosmos sled are tinted but the driver and passenger windows are not. I kinda sink down in my seat when people start to stare.
I'm glad to hear and always hope you do continue to update your threads. As you stated, transitioning never really ends. There will always be something to post about.
Hugs,
Donica.
I say enjoy the peace and quiet for a bit. Karen always does when I leave home to roam around. You will get used to it soon enough and then either I will show up at your place to disturb the peace or you will come up here to bother me. In the meantime you will get busy with church stuff, visiting bad influences, or you'll get out activisting.. In fact I feel I actually inhit you from doing a lot of those things when I and visiting you.
You will survive, you're alive!
Love you,
Laurie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCR0ep31-6U
Quote from: Donica on October 17, 2018, 11:46:04 AM.Wow, an hours drive to electrolysis? I'm embarrassed to step out the door with all the numbing cream and cellophane (did I spell that right?) on my face. The back windows of the cosmos sled are tinted but the driver and passenger windows are not. I kinda sink down in my seat when people start to stare.
1:25 for me. It takes so long that I have to replenish the numbing cream on half my face, or it'll be wearing off by the end of the two hour session.
I quit worrying about other people a while ago. I really don't see anyone looking anyhow. Everyone is wrapped up in their own world and really doesn't care. I used to think everyone was staring, too, until I watched closer. Besides, I'm just having a skin condition treated. If any one asks, tell them it's hyperpilification. That should stop them in their tracks. (Look it up!)
Stepganie
Huummm,,, hyperpilification,,,, not sure what to think of that one? But, sounds good to me ;D.
Donica.
I am taking a self-care day until group tonight.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181017/819551aa511c7ab6062664375490853e.jpg) (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181017/5395f1cbd56fc295e57f828004080df6.jpg)
Decompression is good!
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@Michelle_P Dear Michelle:
Yes indeed, a
self care day is just what is needed from time to time. You, your hair, and your "little" smile on your lovely face looks wonderful in your selfie photo... and your fingernails look great
.
Like I had told
@Jessica recently on her thread, when one is down and not on top of the world, there is nothing better than going to a spa to get pampered... hair, eyebrows, mani/pedi, and if you really need to be lifted up a visit to a spa for a massage and other pampering treatments.
Thanks for sharing ... I trust that you day is getting better and better now.
Hugs, and well wishes as always.
Danielle
Michelle you are certainly looking wonderful! Love the nail color.
Judi
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 17, 2018, 02:54:45 PM
I am taking a self-care day until group tonight.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181017/819551aa511c7ab6062664375490853e.jpg) (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181017/5395f1cbd56fc295e57f828004080df6.jpg)
Decompression is good!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Wow Michelle! You are looking fabulous. Enjoy your self-care day girl. You deserve it.
Hugs,
Donica.
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 17, 2018, 02:54:45 PM
I am taking a self-care day until group tonight.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181017/819551aa511c7ab6062664375490853e.jpg) (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181017/5395f1cbd56fc295e57f828004080df6.jpg)
Decompression is good!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I'm happy for you Michelle. It does feel good!
The color looks a bit darker. I like it. Their sparkle matched the sparkle I see in your eyes.
Love,
Laurie
I got about an hour and a half of electrolysis in today. My friend Jodie, also my electrolyst, was kind enough to take a whack at me early this afternoon. She's getting ready to retire, so future visits will be purely social. She did clear everything off, and I am quite happy with that. The left cheek hadn't been touches since July, and was getting a little scruffy.
We also had fun with her new (to her) car, a Subaru Forester. How traditional of her... ;)
I helped her clear out some old settings in the electronics from the prior owner and pair her phone with the car's Bluetooth electronics. She's tickled to have her music and phone calls coming in over the car's speakers and microphone. The vehicle voice recognition system and it's speech synthesis are pretty pathetic, so we set things up so her phone's little AI will handle speech recognition duties.
I'm still cleaning up in the apartment after my former roommate left and I shipped her stuff. I should have everything tidy within a week. Other tasks currently have a higher priority.
I am writing some stuff for my turn as Worship Associate this weekend, and will be doing it again November 11, just in time for Trans Awareness Week. :)
@Laurie sent me a snap of her re-done nails. Pretty close to mine currently! Twinsies!
I just noticed. The two-year anniversary of my going full time and the one year anniversary of my gender confirmation surgery (GCS) are coming up this weekend! Wow! How to celebrate?
Michelle, congratulations on your two year full time mark. Your mentioning it reminded me of my two year anniversary three days ago on the 15th of October. Not to derail your thread but that got me thinking of where the two of us were two years ago, each in our own life and death struggles. Now I only see a couple of ladies getting on with life. The things that you post and the things that are keeping my life busy are just life stuff, you know, the kind of stuff all those CIS folks are busy with......and two years ago I don't think that either one of us ever expected to to feel this good about living an incredibly exciting "Normal" life.
Well done girl, keep it up,
Tia Anne
Quote@Laurie sent me a snap of her re-done nails. Pretty close to mine currently! Twinsies!
I was just thinking the same thing. <3 Mine is a little more translucent I think.
Congrats on the anniversaries Girlfriend
Hugs & kisses,
Laurie
(https://i.imgur.com/AlM0d9o.jpg)
Quote from: Anne Blake on October 18, 2018, 08:15:15 PM
Michelle, congratulations on your two year full time mark. Your mentioning it reminded me of my two year anniversary three days ago on the 15th of October. Not to derail your thread but that got me thinking of where the two of us were two years ago, each in our own life and death struggles. Now I only see a couple of ladies getting on with life. The things that you post and the things that are keeping my life busy are just life stuff, you know, the kind of stuff all those CIS folks are busy with......and two years ago I don't think that either one of us ever expected to to feel this good about living an incredibly exciting "Normal" life.
Well done girl, keep it up,
Tia Anne
It's amazing, I think. A few years ago I could never picture myself dropping into a nail salon, or just pushing a cart through Costco as myself. And public speaking, or talking from the pulpit in a church? No way would that person have considered doing that!
It's just life, and I'm just me, doing it!
Some parts of me still haven't quite caught up to reality, but they will get there eventually.
A little while ago, while doing some cleaning in my apartment, I saw a woman across the room and was startled. It was me, in a bathroom mirror, but for a second I just saw her, without all the stale data my brain tries to layer onto an image. She was actually cute, in an older woman sort of way. I hope someday soon my internal self-image, carried in those slow-learning 'mirror' neurons, will catch up. It will happen, hopefully sooner rather than later.
My gender therapist actually suggested looking at myself in the mirror a few minutes every day!
Quote from: Laurie on October 18, 2018, 08:34:08 PM
I was just thinking the same thing. <3 Mine is a little more translucent I think.
Congrats on the anniversaries Girlfriend
Hugs & kisses,
Laurie
(https://i.imgur.com/AlM0d9o.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181017/5395f1cbd56fc295e57f828004080df6.jpg)
Thank you,
@Laurie ! It feels a little odd, but good. I've come a long ways relatively quickly. It may take a little while for some bits in my head to finally catch up. Meanwhile, you have a slightly crazy girlfriend!
@Michelle_P @Laurie
Nice nails girls! I love fancy embellishment!
Michelle - No matter how feminine we look, our memory will remind us of our former until those memories are replaced with newer ones, and then we start to see what everyone else did. Smiling through that journey from old to new is the best way forward, and smiling into a mirror is the best way for your mind to capture the new you.
I haven't had a chance to get to know you yet or as many people as I would like, but I have been following a lot of your posts.
Take care,
Sonja.
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 18, 2018, 10:41:53 PM
Some parts of me still haven't quite caught up to reality, but they will get there eventually.
It was me, in a bathroom mirror, but for a second I just saw her, without all the stale data my brain tries to layer onto an image. She was actually cute, in an older woman sort of way. I hope someday soon my internal self-image, carried in those slow-learning 'mirror' neurons, will catch up. It will happen, hopefully sooner rather than later.
It feels a little odd, but good. I've come a long ways relatively quickly. It may take a little while for some bits in my head to finally catch up. Meanwhile, you have a slightly crazy girlfriend!
Okay girlfriend,
First I like the way you express how we see ourselves and the slow process we have of seeing our own progress.( Bold Black) I think you cover it well.
Second Read the RED... Those are the crux of your positive messages to yourself. That is what I see when I look at you.
Lastly there is the Teal ... Slightly crazy? Oh girlfriend ,please don't sell yourself short. I have it on good authority that you my dear are Bat poo Crazy! You have to be to have fallen in love with me. Now don't go making me sound like the sane one in this relationship. We both know that I a far from sane. But That's okay. We have each other.
Love and Kisses,
Laurie
Congratulations on you two year full time anniversary and your one year post-op GCS. You have been an inspiration for many of us. I'm glad to hear you can continue to visit with your electrolysis. We spend so much time with them that we develop Painful meaningful relationships. Two years is too far into the future to even imagine where I will be. It feels wonderful now. Onward we go.
Edit: Oh ya! I would get myself a full length mirror for my bedroom but I'm afraid it would scare the crap out of me. I can imagine waking up in the morning still sleepy, heading for the bathroom and seeing someone standing in the doorway. "Pardon me ma'am! I didn't know it was occupied. Wait,,, What????".
Hugs Michelle!
Donica.
The woman in the mirror does make you jump , I see here sometimes as well, shop windows and stuff like that. Loving the nails, yours and the GFs
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 18, 2018, 10:41:53 PM
.
z, but they will get there eventually.
......My gender therapist actually suggested looking at myself in the mirror a few minutes every day!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181017/5395f1cbd56fc295e57f828004080df6.jpg)
Thank you, @Laurie ! It feels a little odd, but good. I've come a long ways relatively quickly. It may take a little while for some bits in my head to finally catch up. Meanwhile, you have a slightly crazy girlfriend!
Hi Michelle
You and I came onto this board and started our journeys very close together. It has been remarkable to see the woman I see before me emerge from the wreckage of her life...stronger more vibrant...like a phoenix rising from the ashes of her nest. I admire you tenacity, drive and just down right stubbornness to accomplish your goals.
You are a remarkable woman and I wish all the happiness and joy of it.
take care
Liz
Quote from: LizK on October 19, 2018, 05:06:28 PM
Hi Michelle
You and I came onto this board and started our journeys very close together. It has been remarkable to see the woman I see before me emerge from the wreckage of her life...stronger more vibrant...like a phoenix rising from the ashes of her nest. I admire you tenacity, drive and just down right stubbornness to accomplish your goals.
You are a remarkable woman and I wish all the happiness and joy of it.
take care
Liz
Thank you, Liz. It has been one heck of a ride for both of us. I think I rushed things a bit, but I don't see how I could have avoided blowing up my old family relationship, all things considered. I think I was way past ready for transition, about to explode, when I started out.
I'm doing better now, and you certainly are doing well!
Today is the one-year anniversary of my Gender Confirmation Surgery (GCS). And THAT means I am down to one dilation a day! Yaaay! I have done pretty well on this, still holding depth (all dots in) and using Mr. Big... er... the Orange SoulSource #4 hard plastic dilator (9" x 1.5")
I had some fun last night, whipping up a quick (and small) Apple Brown Betty recipe (https://michellepaquette.blogspot.com/2018/10/apple-brown-betty-with-rolled-oats-dish.html). Yum! This one serves two, about 250 calories, and uses rolled oats instead of bread crumbs (making it a little more like a crisp!), so it can be made gluten-free with the right rolled oats.
I got through my Worship Associate gig on Sunday OK. Here is my short welcome speech
https://michellepaquette.blogspot.com/2018/10/welcome-for-october-21-2018-at-mduuc.html (https://michellepaquette.blogspot.com/2018/10/welcome-for-october-21-2018-at-mduuc.html)
Monday I did a bit of training at our local LGBTQ center, and will be doing occasional turns as a support group facilitator. More hats to wear...
It's a beautiful fall morning, and I'm doing something impulsive. I'm going for a ride to look at the fall color in the mountains, and have a nice brunch.
There's a little restaurant up in the hills that does great breakfasts, and some places that sell pies and such.
I actually have a few days with nothing scheduled. I may just keep going and see where my heart takes me. I'm feeling very relaxed, no pressure and no news. Just music and the hills.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Michelle, that was a lovely, intelligent and heart felt welcoming speech. Thank you for sharing. Again you have been very inspirational. I hope I can always be a rainbow in the dark clouds of those I meet. It takes a constant positive attitude that, I will admit, I do not always carry with me. That part of me is changing for the better every day.
Enjoy your relaxing ride and brunch through the mountains. Be safe.
Hugs you multi hat wearing lady!
Donica.
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 23, 2018, 02:06:25 PM
I actually have a few days with nothing scheduled. I may just keep going and see where my heart takes me. I'm feeling very relaxed, no pressure and no news. Just music and the hills.
My heart took me here...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181024/5329c2911130da50b918233c7a1c383b.jpg)
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Quote from: Michelle_P on October 23, 2018, 10:02:21 PM
My heart took me here...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181024/5329c2911130da50b918233c7a1c383b.jpg)
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
And my heart knocked on my door. I'm feeling very happy.
Hugs & kisses
Laurie
Michelle you are amazing.
Some of the best destinations along the road of life are discovered if we allow ourselves follow our heart.
Locking at your very feminine fingernails, how on earth do you guys do it to make them look so dainty?
I am supposed to be that girlish looking person, but my fingernail look as wide as a steam shovel! And I have not very big hands at all, but my nails do definitely look male! Short, wide and roundish!
I can't have them long because I like to do yard work, and long fingernails would become dirt shovels. But what can I do to get them look as feminine as yours?
Quote from: Dietlind on October 24, 2018, 11:20:19 AM
Locking at your very feminine fingernails, how on earth do you guys do it to make them look so dainty?
I am supposed to be that girlish looking person, but my fingernail look as wide as a steam shovel! And I have not very big hands at all, but my nails do definitely look male! Short, wide and roundish!
I can't have them long because I like to do yard work, and long fingernails would become dirt shovels. But what can I do to get them look as feminine as yours?
Ok, I'll dish.
My nails are fragile, prone to cracking and long splits. Last August, I had them done for a big event, and the salon suggested I try acrylic nail tips. These are glued onto my own nails to extend them. A two-part coating is then built up on the nails, a 'powder dip' process, and the result is worked over with a special Dremel-style tool to smooth and shape it. My particular shape is a 'squoval', squared off and then rounded down.
Every three weeks I go into the salon for a 'fill', where the old finish atop the nail is partially ground down with that Dremel tool, and the powder + activator is brushed on to cover the new nail, re-coat part of the existing nail, and then shaped and trimmed using that Dremel tool and nail files. A new gel finish and clear topcoat are applied and cured usuing UV light.
The result is a hard coating that adheres well to my fragile nails, and allows them to grow without breaking. The original acrylic tip is long gone, and now my nails are intact and supported using the built-up powder and activator coating.
There are a number of variations on this process.
The original acrylic tips can cost $40-50 US, and the 'fill' every three weeks can be $20-30 US at most salons that do the powder dip coatings.
My nails are shorter than Laurie's. I find the 'squoval' tips to be short enough that I can type and work with my hands much more easily than I could with longer nails. A small brush works well for cleaning beneath the nails. (I use an old toothbrush!)
Thanks for the info.
I believe that the light curing stuff was originally invented in our labs. We developed this type of stuff for dental fillings (When a dentist puts that blue light thing into your mouth, they are curing the filling with UV light. I worked on that to determine the proper wave length of the light).
It later made it's way into automotive body shops and the way it seems into the nail studios!
And as a side line, I also worked on the development of the breast implants which some of you may sport! Us biomedical people do everything what is put into or onto your body.
I've been remiss in keeping this up. Oops.
I did a Queer 101 presentation with a church that hopes to be welcoming to LGBTQ folks. One out of over 500 members came. This does not bode well for them.
I've had a followup visit with my FFS surgeon. All is healing well.
There was a big charity auction in which a couple of urban treks with me were auctioned off, along with a couple of nice Sunday brunches that I will host.
I did an interview for a magazine article on 'coming out late in life.' Not all interviews result in publications, but if this one does, I will post more on it here.
I did my first round last night as facilitator for a trans/nonbinary/queer support group. We had a great discussion on style, the way we each present ourselves to the world. Fun group to work with!
So, yeah, this thread seems to have gone from starting transition, through my social and medical transition, to my so-called real life. Yow.
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 06, 2018, 04:28:47 PM
I've been remiss in keeping this up. Oops.
I did a Queer 101 presentation with a church that hopes to be welcoming to LGBTQ folks. One out of over 500 members came. This does not bode well for them.
I've had a followup visit with my FFS surgeon. All is healing well.
There was a big charity auction in which a couple of urban treks with me were auctioned off, along with a couple of nice Sunday brunches that I will host.
I did an interview for a magazine article on 'coming out late in life.' Not all interviews result in publications, but if this one does, I will post more on it here.
I did my first round last night as facilitator for a trans/nonbinary/queer support group. We had a great discussion on style, the way we each present ourselves to the world. Fun group to work with!
So, yeah, this thread seems to have gone from starting transition, through my social and medical transition, to my so-called real life. Yow.
@Michelle_P Dear Michelle:Thank you for sharing your update.... and yes, 2 weeks is way too long for your followers to be updated on your thread.... just talk to some others on here like
@Jessica for example... she knows that I can bug her for her thread updates.... but she is a good sport about it.
Seriously, only one person out of over 500 members came to your presentation at your church???
Very sad for sure. Have you had better attendance in similar presentations in the past?
I am happy to hear about your FFS followup visit.... no problems or issues, that is good news.
If your interview gets published I will be looking forward to reviewing it... your coming out story!!! :)
Nice to read about your facilitator duties for the support group.... how many attended?
Regarding your thread having gone from starting transition and eventually now to your real life... frankly that is where my thread has been for a while now... and that is not a bad thing, we just write about different things now... about our "normal" everyday life endeavors... not boring at all as it may seem to me the author of my thread, but very satisfying to have achieved many of our goals... but there are always more goals to conquer for all of us.
Again Michelle, thanks for your update and sharing your thoughts,
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 06, 2018, 04:28:47 PM
I've been remiss in keeping this up. Oops.
I did a Queer 101 presentation with a church that hopes to be welcoming to LGBTQ folks. One out of over 500 members came. This does not bode well for them.
I've had a followup visit with my FFS surgeon. All is healing well.
There was a big charity auction in which a couple of urban treks with me were auctioned off, along with a couple of nice Sunday brunches that I will host.
I did an interview for a magazine article on 'coming out late in life.' Not all interviews result in publications, but if this one does, I will post more on it here.
I did my first round last night as facilitator for a trans/nonbinary/queer support group. We had a great discussion on style, the way we each present ourselves to the world. Fun group to work with!
So, yeah, this thread seems to have gone from starting transition, through my social and medical transition, to my so-called real life. Yow.
All good stuff Michelle
I have and do enjoy watching you become even more lovely, even in the short time since I joined last year. As I have said before you are quite inspirational to me and others in the forum. The wider world can be as ignorant as they want, but we all appreciate and love your journey through your thread here, even if it is but a brief glimpse of your challenges and happiness.
Bless
Take care
Luv n Hugz
Katie
:-* ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :-* :-* ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :angel: :angel:
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 06, 2018, 04:28:47 PM
So, yeah, this thread seems to have gone from starting transition, through my social and medical transition, to my so-called real life. Yow.
Yay for real life! I hope to live it myself some day!
Thanks for the update Michelle! Hopefully the interview for the magazine article on 'coming out late in life will be published. All of us elderly ladies would love to read it.
I'm sorry to hear only one of the church members showed up for you Queer 101 presentation. I hope that doesn't mean they are not happy with welcoming LGBTQ folks. That would be another sad blow.
Hugs,
Donica.
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 06, 2018, 04:28:47 PM
I've been remiss in keeping this up. Oops.
I did a Queer 101 presentation with a church that hopes to be welcoming to LGBTQ folks. One out of over 500 members came. This does not bode well for them.
I've had a followup visit with my FFS surgeon. All is healing well.
There was a big charity auction in which a couple of urban treks with me were auctioned off, along with a couple of nice Sunday brunches that I will host.
I did an interview for a magazine article on 'coming out late in life.' Not all interviews result in publications, but if this one does, I will post more on it here.
I did my first round last night as facilitator for a trans/nonbinary/queer support group. We had a great discussion on style, the way we each present ourselves to the world. Fun group to work with!
So, yeah, this thread seems to have gone from starting transition, through my social and medical transition, to my so-called real life. Yow.
Noted that you mentioned the phrase "so-called life." There was a great TV show "My So-Called Life" in the mid 90's. It was a teen girl angst show, but I feel we can relate in some ways to that. As we come out and explore and change ourselves at whatever age, I think part of us is that teen girl. Exploring that teen experience even at much later ages is exciting as we grow breasts and see feminine changes. It's at times confusing as I just want to wear short skirts and hot pants, but still satisfying as I find a balance.
Michelle, you look good and the changes suite you well. I miss the glasses though. :)
Michelle that you are living your life normally is what we all seek. My own personal log (or diary) has fewer entries now that my life is stable and normal. This is a good thing. I'm happy that you have arrived at this point as well. I have followed your writing and all its ups and downs. Your journey has been an encouraging light for many.
Judi
Quote from: Sinclair on November 07, 2018, 09:16:41 PM
Noted that you mentioned the phrase "so-called life." There was a great TV show "My So-Called Life" in the mid 90's. It was a teen girl angst show, but I feel we can relate in some ways to that.
...
Michelle, you look good and the changes suite you well. I miss the glasses though. :)
The teen angst thing was exactly why i put that "so-called life" phrase in. :) My eyesight is funny. The left eye is 20/20 except for slight astigmatism, the right is quite nearsighted. I can get by without glasses pretty easily with the left eye for distance vision and the right for reading. I do wear glasses for driving, but that is about it.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181108/249fdd0d7ea4eaafb41c05297836f7d2.jpg)
Quote from: JudiBlueEyes on November 07, 2018, 10:02:44 PM
Michelle that you are living your life normally is what we all seek. My own personal log (or diary) has fewer entries now that my life is stable and normal. This is a good thing. I'm happy that you have arrived at this point as well.
...
Stable is good. I'm in a better, happier place. (Especially with
@Laurie !)
I have had some odd events in my life, however, that were disconcerting.
This weekend I attended a charity fundraising event, at which I was auctioning off two of my urban treks and two Sunday brunches. I was also supplying a dinner item, spaghetti and meatballs as a finger food (!), and a big platter of cookies (
@Laurie, I will make more...)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181108/12b108b903ed04c24b0ff59597d83667.jpg)
Since this was going to be a finger foods and wine social event along with the auction, a black cocktail dress seemed appropriate. I got myself put together and headed up, with my dinner and dessert items all ready to go.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181108/7d0064339eec27e900539fb2fe7f1e47.jpg)
The dinner items were a hit, as was my dress, apparently. Several folks commented to each other on the dress in my presence, including "Look at his dress! Gorgeous!"
Folks also had questions on the "spaghetti and meatball" finger food. Because the environment was a bit noisy and some members have hearing difficulties, a few times folks were repeating what I was saying. "He said that the nest was..."
Anyone see the problem yet?
The thing that drives me bonkers is that nobody at this place knows me from before my transition. They've only seen Michelle, although I have been quite open about being a transgender person. Somehow, many folks there keep using male pronouns for me.
I'm not sure why. I've been through major surgeries, speech therapy, movement training, even a few hundred hours of electrolysis. I've taken courses in makeup, appearance styling, and such. I've gone through the whole cumbersome legal process of getting the courts and government to agree that I am a female person. This is reflected on my birth certificate, passport, drivers license, Medicare and Social Security records. Kaiser says I'm female. Even the mighty DMV says I am female.
We offered a class recently to provide basic information on gender orientation and identity. One person, a well informed ally, came to the class. *SIGH*
I've lectured and talked to individuals. I'm not sure what else I can do. People in this organization seem to think I am just a guy who wears dresses. It's immensely frustrating to have people casually invalidate my gender identity, and behave this way.
Now, these are older folks, and kind, not malicious in any way. They are instantly apologetic and contrite when I call them out on this behavior. I suspect based on some recent one-on-one discussions that they may be trying too hard, and like the old gag "Whatever you do, do not think of an elephant!", they are focusing so hard on not goofing that they blurt this out.
I had an extended discussion on this with the lead person. There will be future staffing changes that may help, so I won't be the 'token' highly visible trans person there. Meanwhile, I'll be shifting my role slightly from being an involved member to treating myself as an instructor. I'll do the same things I have always done, but I will maintain that 'professional distance' where I expect poor behavior from folks, rather than being as open as I have been. This is not a great state to be in long term, but I can certainly do this for many months.
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 08, 2018, 11:32:25 AM
The teen angst thing was exactly why i put that "so-called life" phrase in. :) My eyesight is funny. The left eye is 20/20 except for slight astigmatism, the right is quite nearsighted. I can get by without glasses pretty easily with the left eye for distance vision and the right for reading. I do wear glasses for driving, but that is about it.
Stable is good. I'm in a better, happier place. (Especially with @Laurie !)
I have had some odd events in my life, however, that were disconcerting.
This weekend I attended a charity fundraising event, at which I was auctioning off two of my urban treks and two Sunday brunches. I was also supplying a dinner item, spaghetti and meatballs as a finger food (!), and a big platter of cookies ( @Laurie, I will make more...)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181108/12b108b903ed04c24b0ff59597d83667.jpg)
Since this was going to be a finger foods and wine social event along with the auction, a black cocktail dress seemed appropriate. I got myself put together and headed up, with my dinner and dessert items all ready to go.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181108/7d0064339eec27e900539fb2fe7f1e47.jpg)
The dinner items were a hit, as was my dress, apparently. Several folks commented to each other on the dress in my presence, including "Look at his dress! Gorgeous!"
Folks also had questions on the "spaghetti and meatball" finger food. Because the environment was a bit noisy and some members have hearing difficulties, a few times folks were repeating what I was saying. "He said that the nest was..."
Anyone see the problem yet?
The thing that drives me bonkers is that nobody at this church knows me from before my transition. They've only seen Michelle, although I have been quite open about being a transgender person. Somehow, many folks there keep using male pronouns for me.
I'm not sure why. I've been through major surgeries, speech therapy, movement training, even a few hundred hours of electrolysis. I've taken courses in makeup, appearance styling, and such. I've gone through the whole cumbersome legal process of getting the courts and government to agree that I am a female person. This is reflected on my birth certificate, passport, drivers license, Medicare and Social Security records. Kaiser says I'm female. Even the mighty DMV says I am female.
We offered a class recently to provide basic information on gender orientation and identity. One person, a well informed ally, came to the class. *SIGH*
I've lectured and talked to individuals. I'm not sure what else I can do. People in this congregation seem to think I am just a guy who wears dresses. It's immensely frustrating to have people casually invalidate my gender identity, and behave this way.
Now, these are older folks, and kind, not malicious in any way. They are instantly apologetic and contrite when I call them out on this behavior. I suspect based on some recent one-on-one discussions that they may be trying too hard, and like the old gag "Whatever you do, do not think of an elephant!", they are focusing so hard on not goofing that they blurt this out.
I had an extended discussion on this with the lead person. There will be future staffing changes that may help, so I won't be the 'token' highly visible trans person there. Meanwhile, I'll be shifting my role slightly from being an involved member to treating myself as an instructor. I'll do the same things I have always done, but I will maintain that 'professional distance' where I expect poor behavior from folks, rather than being as open as I have been. This is not a great state to be in long term, but I can certainly do this for many months.
@Michelle_P Michelle, you have mentioned these occurrences previously, and unfortunately it has had an effect on me. I have been leery of interacting with public after being misgendered in a locale I felt safe in. Now I have worries about a place I felt safe to be spiritual. I hadn't picked up on this personally, but you know the old tune 'Smiling Faces' by the Temptations.
I hope we can get together soon and have lunch or a coffee (not at Cafe' La Scala!)
Hugs and smiles from another California girl
Quote from: Jessica on November 08, 2018, 11:53:43 AM
@Michelle_P
Michelle, you have mentioned these occurrences previously, and unfortunately it has had an effect on me. I have been leery of interacting with public after being misgendered in a locale I felt safe in. Now I have worries about a place I felt safe to be spiritual. I hadn't picked up on this personally, but you know the old tune 'Smiling Faces' by the Temptations.
I hope we can get together soon and have lunch or a coffee (not at Cafe' La Scala!)
Hugs and smiles from another California girl
I'm sorry that this has impacted you this way. I've generally avoided talking about the worst experiences I've had in my posts here, but this is an interesting and odd one. As I have mentioned, there is no malice, and folks are very apologetic and contrite when I point out the misgendering. Honestly, I think they be trying too hard.
Bear in mind that I interact with these folks much more than a visitor would, typically 10-15 hours a week. Further, this happened at a charity auction where wine was flowing freely (which improves the bidding!).
@Michelle_P Quote from: Michelle_P on November 08, 2018, 04:01:13 PM
I'm sorry that this has impacted you this way. I've generally avoided talking about the worst experiences I've had in my posts here, but this is an interesting and odd one. As I have mentioned, there is no malice, and folks are very apologetic and contrite when I point out the misgendering. Honestly, I think they be trying too hard.
Bear in mind that I interact with these folks much more than a visitor would, typically 10-15 hours a week. Further, this happened at a charity auction where wine was flowing freely (which improves the bidding!).
Michelle, I'd be fine if they misgendered me (maybe)... I don't pass.....I know it, but you do and malice or not, I think they aren't trying hard enough. I won't go beyond that, because in truth they are your friends and that alone demands respect. Though the church should have done more to promote your classes.
Hugs and smiles
Unfortunately they know you are transgender and just can't get it out of their minds. Stepping back little may be a good idea, or more drastic, moving to a different church and starting over as Michelle (only).
OK girl, how did you make those mini spaghetti and meatball treats? They make me hungry just looking at them.
Judi
Quote from: JudiBlueEyes on November 08, 2018, 08:00:05 PM
Unfortunately they know you are transgender and just can't get it out of their minds. Stepping back little may be a good idea, or more drastic, moving to a different church and starting over as Michelle (only).
Yes, I keep coming back to that. Yet, this is supposed to be a flagship church in LGBTQ welcoming and acceptance!
Quote
OK girl, how did you make those mini spaghetti and meatball treats? They make me hungry just looking at them.
Pretty easy, really. Capellini pasta, aka "angel hair", cooked and rinsed in cold water, then tossed with egg whites and grated Parmesan and mozzarella. Then I put it into greased/sprayed mini-muffin tins, sort or winding the strands around the edge of the wells and making that cup shape. Bake at 400 F for 15 minutes or so, til the cups just start to turn golden brown on top.
Meanwhile I just put a bag of 40 cocktail meatballs in a cup of marinara, heated in a covered pan on the stove. When the cups were done, I plated them and popped a marinara coated meatball on top. Garnish with more grated Parmesan.
For 35-40 spaghetti and meatball treats:
7 oz Capellini pasta
3 egg whites
1/4 cup grated Parmesan plus a bit for plating
1/4 cup shredded mozzarella
1 bag of about 40 cocktail or mini meatballs
1 cup marinara sauce
Thanks Michelle! It does sound easy.
Quote from: JudiBlueEyes on November 08, 2018, 08:00:05 PM
Unfortunately they know you are transgender and just can't get it out of their minds. Stepping back little may be a good idea, or more drastic, moving to a different church and starting over as Michelle (only).
Judi
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 09, 2018, 12:16:17 AM
Yes, I keep coming back to that. Yet, this is supposed to be a flagship church in LGBTQ welcoming and acceptance! ...
What I've noticed, from my own observations, is pronouns are used based on perception .. until .. someone says transgender. Then their brains do a flip and they use those
other ones. It's a subconscious thing most times. Very frustrating.
just my 2 cents and, considering inflation, it's worthless.
Quote from: Faith on November 09, 2018, 09:31:36 AM
What I've noticed, from my own observations, is pronouns are used based on perception .. until .. someone says transgender. Then their brains do a flip and they use those other ones. It's a subconscious thing most times. Very frustrating.
Exactly. All of a sudden they know that this woman is a transgender person, and at some level that thought of a 'dude in a dress' pops into their heads. Too much Milton Berle and Flip "Geraldine" Wilson growing up, likely.
Frustrating and annoying.
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 09, 2018, 10:15:24 AM
Exactly. All of a sudden they know that this woman is a transgender person, and at some level that thought of a 'dude in a dress' pops into their heads. Too much Milton Berle and Flip "Geraldine" Wilson growing up, likely.
Frustrating and annoying.
am I old if I know both of those names?
I would have to agree that it is because they know you as trans. Most older folks don't understand what it is to be trans. I don't blame them because after all, It was taboo back in the day and you may be their first encounter with a trans person. Even though they may be accepting of you, most will not bother to educate themselves. They may never realize that they should use different pronouns.
Donica.
Hi Michelle
I think you have a classic horrible example of Tolerance v acceptance. Acceptance would not care if you were trans or not...IMHO I think its a cultural thing and it representative of a bigger cultural problem in the US and is not necessarily about gender on its own.
This is what forces people to uproot their lives and go stealth...there is no reason for these people to see anything but a woman in front if them and its seems like a classic case of bigotry.
Take care
Liz
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
I came out to a very good friend of mine, she is in her mid 70's. She felt sorry for em and wondered if I get the right medications to overcome this terrible disease! She said that I am such a manly man, and the right medication should help me to get back to that!
I tried to explain, but it did not sink in ! She feels sorry that I caught this really bad disease!
Quote from: LizK on November 09, 2018, 01:22:09 PM
Hi Michelle
I think you have a classic horrible example of Tolerance v acceptance. Acceptance would not care if you were trans or not...IMHO I think its a cultural thing and it representative of a bigger cultural problem in the US and is not necessarily about gender on its own.
This is what forces people to uproot their lives and go stealth...there is no reason for these people to see anything but a woman in front if them and its seems like a classic case of bigotry.
Take care
Liz
I'm more inclined to the 'learned behavior' problem. It can be overcome but requires constant attention and reminders. Like breaking a bad habit. I would not throw them all on the bigotry side of the equation.
Edit, sorry I just posted to the wrong thread, good thing is I caught it before I posted this reply to the other thread, gosh where is my brain lately?
Michelle,
You are looking wonderful in your latest photos, you seem to be healing really well. I can't imagine anyone misgendering you at all. I'm sorry that you have experienced misgendering from your recent encounters, I don't have a theory other than people don't think and don't realise how it affects us and how rude it is.
Hugs,
Nicole
Well, I don't care how you appear, I will love you for who you are.
Quote from: Laurie on November 09, 2018, 09:57:32 PM
Well, I don't care how you appear, I will love you for who you are.
@Michelle_P Dear Michelle
..... heya
@Laurie .. that is such a wonderful and sweet thing to say to Michelle,
... and Michelle, don't listen to those that want to mis-gender you...
and don't listen to that critical critic that lives inside you....
We are your biggest fans and we think you are beautiful inside and out.
Hugs and hugs, [emoji173]
Danielle
Quote from: Laurie on November 09, 2018, 09:57:32 PM
Well, I don't care how you appear, I will love you for who you are.
Thank you! I try to be my best for you, but I know I won't always be able to. (Like that week right after FFS! Whoa!)
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 09, 2018, 10:24:16 PM
@Michelle_P
Dear Michelle
..... heya @Laurie .. that is such a wonderful and sweet thing to say to Michelle,
... and Michelle, don't listen to those that want to mis-gender you...
and don't listen to that critical critic that lives inside you....
We are your biggest fans and we think you are beautiful inside and out.
Hugs and hugs, [emoji173]
Danielle
Awww... , thank you!
Quote from: Nicole70 on November 09, 2018, 08:00:28 PM
You are looking wonderful in your latest photos, you seem to be healing really well. I can't imagine anyone misgendering you at all. I'm sorry that you have experienced misgendering from your recent encounters, I don't have a theory other than people don't think and don't realise how it affects us and how rude it is.
Hugs,
Nicole
I suspect this is a lack of education, combined with the old "Whatever you do, do not think of elephants!" phenomena. The folks at this place know I am transgender, and worry about offending to the point that they accidentally 'think of elephants' and misgender me.
There is no malice, just a lack of education and experience. I've even been misgendered while teaching classes on gender identity! I was misgendered by people apologizing for the misgendering the night before at that event! All without malice, and all of whom were instantly contrite and embarrassed when they realized what they had done.
The healing from FFS is going very well. I still have numbness on the crown and left forehead, the tip of the nose and a narrow strip from lower lip to chin. The nose and chin numbness is associated with slowly receding swelling. In a year I expect to be pretty much back to normal except for loss of sensation right around the incisions. That seems to be pretty typical.
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 10, 2018, 03:28:32 PM
...I suspect this is a lack of education, combined with the old "Whatever you do, do not think of elephants!" phenomena. The folks at this place know I am transgender, and worry about offending to the point that they accidentally 'think of elephants' and misgender me.
There is no malice, just a lack of education and experience. I've even been misgendered while teaching classes on gender identity! I was misgendered by people apologizing for the misgendering the night before at that event! All without malice, and all of whom were instantly contrite and embarrassed when they realized what they had done.
Over time people will grow accustomed to your identity and will naturally gender you properly. At least most will. I hope it doesn't take too long.
I've met you in person and I never had any hesitation, doubt or struggle to see you as a woman, even before your ffs. You are convincing.
I think the "elephant" is the best explanation.
Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk
Quote from: RandyL on November 10, 2018, 03:52:16 PM
Over time people will grow accustomed to your identity and will naturally gender you properly. At least most will. I hope it doesn't take too long.
I've met you in person and I never had any hesitation, doubt or struggle to see you as a woman, even before your ffs. You are convincing.
I think the "elephant" is the best explanation.
Thank you, Randy! And yes, the misgendering is confined to just this group of older folks who do know I am transgender. "Elephant" indeed!
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 10, 2018, 04:05:22 PM
Thank you, Randy! And yes, the misgendering is confined to just this group of older folks who do know I am transgender. "Elephant" indeed!
I am going female most of the time now. Most people still misgender me! I think this is partly because my hair is still pretty short (I hate to wear my wig), and I can't keep my voice from slipping into low frequencies, which is a learned behavior, because my natural voice is in the low female range. Another reason is that my breasts are not large enough to clearly gender me. I have a hard time to find a bra that would fit me and can be added.
So, here I stand, that short haired semi flat chested person with a deep voice. It really does not bother me much when I am miss gendered currently, because I know that my hair and my boobs will grow, and my voice can be trained!
I assume that everything will be different in a years time!
Michelle, I want to say how much I enjoyed having lunch with you yesterday. So many things have been on my mind since visiting Laurie. From the administrations actions against transgender folk to personal matters, I have needed a listening ear and you helped me.
Maybe I'll see you before my surgery, but I will miss seeing you on your birthday, you will be having a better time with you know who.
Hugs and smiles from another California girl
On the flip side... I did my Worship Associate thing on Sunday, pushing along the technical stuff to get through two tightly scheduled services. Ran me into the ground some ways. I missed my lunch, and then had to head into a congregational meeting.
And then things got interesting...
There is a good-sized lesbian community present, but they are a little standoffish, compared to most of the women there. However, I suddenly seemed to be noticed. Two of the women were complementing me on the service and my little speaking bits. Another sat down next to me in an almost empty row and actually conversed with me. Family, where did I grow up, etc!
I seem to have somehow turned into 135 lbs of lesbian bait... Wierd! I would love to know what sort of conversations about me have been going on elsewhere.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181113/4aaebd911c5b73a7d3eb301174dfdead.jpg)
Lesbian bait???? Errrrr...
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 12, 2018, 08:55:59 PM
I seem to have somehow turned into 135 lbs of lesbian bait... Wierd! I would love to know what sort of conversations about me have been going on elsewhere.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181113/4aaebd911c5b73a7d3eb301174dfdead.jpg)
Lesbian bait???? Errrrr...
I like that, and for the case they reject you, you could dangle me in front of their jaws? Please?
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 12, 2018, 08:55:59 PM
On the flip side... I did my Worship Associate thing on Sunday, pushing along the technical stuff to get through two tightly scheduled services. Ran me into the ground some ways. I missed my lunch, and then had to head into a congregational meeting.
And then things got interesting...
There is a good-sized lesbian community present, but they are a little standoffish, compared to most of the women there. However, I suddenly seemed to be noticed. Two of the women were complementing me on the service and my little speaking bits. Another sat down next to me in an almost empty row and actually conversed with me. Family, where did I grow up, etc!
I seem to have somehow turned into 135 lbs of lesbian bait... Wierd! I would love to know what sort of conversations about me have been going on elsewhere.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181113/4aaebd911c5b73a7d3eb301174dfdead.jpg)
Lesbian bait???? Errrrr...
Slightly unexpected turn of events...But lesbian bait??....I would think you might have your hands full with the woman you currently see. LOL [emoji13]
Take care
Liz
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Quote from: LizK on November 12, 2018, 09:39:00 PM
Slightly unexpected turn of events...But lesbian bait??....I would think you might have your hands full with the woman you currently see. LOL [emoji13]
Take care
Liz
Oh, I do, I do!
And there is no way that I will forget the studied aloofness, the 'invisibility' I had with them, the occasional catty crack ("You look just like a real woman!"), and suddenly fall for that Carhartt and Columbia vest look. ::)
Get used to it. ;) As you're making all this progress with your voice, demeanor, permanent hair removal, HRT's cumulative effects, surgeries... now that your body and mind matches waaay better than before, your world really did just change that much.
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 12, 2018, 09:55:22 PM
Oh, I do, I do!
And there is no way that I will forget the studied aloofness, the 'invisibility' I had with them, the occasional catty crack ("You look just like a real woman!"), and suddenly fall for that Carhartt and Columbia vest look. ::)
I see this as just one more step towards your social acceptance not being questioned. Maybe the words behind your back now are compliments. You have done a wonderful job at showing that transgender women are people that are good citizens, care for the community and deserve respect.
You are and have been a woman your whole life and catching up to yourself is within sight.
Hugs, Jess
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 12, 2018, 08:55:59 PM
On the flip side... I did my Worship Associate thing on Sunday, pushing along the technical stuff to get through two tightly scheduled services. Ran me into the ground some ways. I missed my lunch, and then had to head into a congregational meeting.
And then things got interesting...
There is a good-sized lesbian community present, but they are a little standoffish, compared to most of the women there. However, I suddenly seemed to be noticed. Two of the women were complementing me on the service and my little speaking bits. Another sat down next to me in an almost empty row and actually conversed with me. Family, where did I grow up, etc!
I seem to have somehow turned into 135 lbs of lesbian bait... Wierd! I would love to know what sort of conversations about me have been going on elsewhere.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181113/4aaebd911c5b73a7d3eb301174dfdead.jpg)
Lesbian bait???? Errrrr...
Hmmmm, I don't think I'm lesbian? I do love that outfit Michelle.
Yet another medically interesting day...
I did my 1 year (OK, 13 month) followup on my Gender Confirmation Surgery (GCS) with the reconstructive surgeon. Everything looks properly healed up. I then asked about revisions to remove some irritation and discomfort, and improve the appearance.
He suggested three changes: pulling the upper parts of the labia together to partially cover the clitoris; a small revision to improve definition of the labia; and an adjustment to the posterior commisure to open the floor of the vaginal opening slightly, removing a source of discomfort on dilation or penetration.
OK, that sounds like it will address the irritation and discomfort issues.
He then asked about breast augmentation (BA), which I had not expected. I mentioned that I had seen another surgeon about that, but no dates had been scheduled. The surgeon explained that he could easily do the revision and BA during the same surgery, which would save me a pass of general anesthesia and some recovery time. The procedures would likely not even require an overnight stay.
He went over a few details, and then had a nurse bring in their 'sizing tray' of implants. I tried on a number of sizes, and for what I would like I think that 275-325 cc implants would be about right. I'm smallish, 5'7", 135 lbs, 34" band size. These didn't look 'topheavy'.
With all of this recorded, the surgeon sent in his scheduler. I now have a date for BA and the labiaplasty revision, March 22, 2019. Wow!
I had to celebrate in my own odd way, so I went out for a late breakfast at The Grove on Fillmore for their French Toast and coffee, taking Laurie along in the phone... Yum! After breakfast I walked several miles, my thing, and wound up in North Beach. Lunch was coffee and pannacotta at Stella's. ;D I eventually did come home.
Interesting medical outcome that I hadn't expected, but definitely appreciate, and a fun walk to stretch afterward.
To quote an Alaskan....Wowie Wow!
Great news Michelle, I'm sorry I wasn't able to share the day. Now I wish I had cancelled my ⚡️ appointment, I nearly did...
Big hug, Jess
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 14, 2018, 06:49:25 PM
> The surgeon explained that he could easily do the revision and BA during the same surgery, which would save me a pass of general anesthesia and some recovery time.
This is exactly what I did when I had my 350's installed. Left, center, right.
Quote from: Kendra on November 14, 2018, 10:49:03 PM
This is exactly what I did when I had my 350's installed. Left, center, right.
[emoji23], I'm 'totally recalling' you talking about that. [emoji16]
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Congratulations Michelle!
Michelle, wish you well on your recovery and upcoming surgery!
Very nice Michelle. I wish you all the best success.
Best wishes dear, hope it all goes well and you have lots of careful!! hugs from the GF.
Thank you, everyone! I don't expect any great problems with the surgery next March. I am sort of amused to get this covered under the US Medicare system. "Dear folks: Guess what you just paid for? :o ". (I paid a hefty fortune into Medicare, more than enough to have bought top line insurance for myself for the next several decades...)
I just got a little affirmation in the mail. My car registration for the coming year just arrived.
"REGISTERED OWNER: MICHELLE JEAN P."
Yup! Got that right.
Michelle P.
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 18, 2018, 10:14:49 AM
Thank you, everyone! I don't expect any great problems with the surgery next March. I am sort of amused to get this covered under the US Medicare system. "Dear folks: Guess what you just paid for? :o ". (I paid a hefty fortune into Medicare, more than enough to have bought top line insurance for myself for the next several decades...)
I just got a little affirmation in the mail. My car registration for the coming year just arrived.
"REGISTERED OWNER: MICHELLE JEAN P."
Yup! Got that right.
Michelle P.
One more in the line of many that you have achieved.
Big hugs, Jess
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 18, 2018, 10:14:49 AM
Thank you, everyone! I don't expect any great problems with the surgery next March. I am sort of amused to get this covered under the US Medicare system. "Dear folks: Guess what you just paid for? :o ". (I paid a hefty fortune into Medicare, more than enough to have bought top line insurance for myself for the next several decades...)
I just got a little affirmation in the mail. My car registration for the coming year just arrived.
"REGISTERED OWNER: MICHELLE JEAN P."
Yup! Got that right.
Michelle P.
@Michelle_P Dear Michelle:
Very wonderful news indeed.... it is so nice and very affirming to get the "details" like this all in order...
What's next on your name and gender change list? For me there was always something else that would pop up after I thought it was all done.
Thanks for sharing your happy news.
Hugs,
Danielle
Wonderful Michelle!
You are leagally a woman now, the documents don't lie!
It would be nice if you could tell us old folks who hope that medicare will pay for our surgery, what we have to watch for and to make sure that medicare pays for our surgery, too!
Great news Michelle! I'm still waiting for my auto reg to arrive. Yup! SSA and Medicare. It's part of our retirement. We paid modest fortunes for 50+ years. We laid the ground work, it's up to the next generation to take our place.
Donica.
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 18, 2018, 10:42:38 AM
Very wonderful news indeed.... it is so nice and very affirming to get the "details" like this all in order...
What's next on your name and gender change list? For me there was always something else that would pop up after I thought it was all done.
I changed this in early 2017, once I got the pink slip for the vehicle, bought December 2016. This is the first automatic renewal (not me filing and prepaying fees), and it was nice to see it Just Work.
My new Medicare card was also a pleasant goodie to get, with the correct name automatically issued, and from the insurance side, it looks like the hidden gender marker was correct.
The only thing left is my DD214, and getting that changed is mostly a matter of filing everything correctly, and refilling if needed until a friendly review committee approves it. Gotta have the right name on my official GI Bill tombstone. (I plan on being cremated.)
I've got my corrected birth certificate, SS card, Medicare card, drivers license, auto registration, radio operator's license, Volunteer License Examiner's card, credit cards, bank and investment accounts, checks, my deed, HOA paperwork, museum memberships, rail/bus cards, cable and electric bills, cellphone service, and magazine subscriptions changed.
Only junk mail shows up with the old name.
Quote from: Dietlind on November 18, 2018, 10:47:54 AM
Wonderful Michelle!
You are leagally a woman now, the documents don't lie!
It would be nice if you could tell us old folks who hope that medicare will pay for our surgery, what we have to watch for and to make sure that medicare pays for our surgery, too!
The trick seems to be to find a Medicare Advantage plan with the right benefits. Rather than the Federal Government being the payor for medical expenses, which let them override state rules on what can be covered, these plans simply get premium support for the 'Part A" features, about $410/month, with the member paying the rest of the premium for coverage.
In California the rules require HMOs providing individual coverage to cover all 'medically necessary treatment' with no carve-outs for disallowing transgender care. The rules apply to individual Medicare Advanatge plans from HMOs as well. I have care through the Northern California Kaiser HMO on an individual Medicare Advantage plan, so I appear to be covered.
Note that I hustled to get my Gender Confirmation Surgery (GCS) and Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS) done, at least through their first stages, before I went on Medicare because I still worry about some Federal override of state law being done. That has not happened yet, and would likely be tied up in court for years rather than have any immediate impact.
I know that Kaiser recently stated that they will continue transgender medical care without regard to government policy changes, which is pretty amazing.
Kaiser Permanente will continue its care for transgender people even if federal requirements are removed (https://permanente.org/kaiser-permanente-will-continue-care-transgender-people-even-federal-requirements-removed/)
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 18, 2018, 08:32:17 PM
The trick seems to be to find a Medicare Advantage plan with the right benefits. Rather than the Federal Government being the payor for medical expenses, which let them override state rules on what can be covered, these plans simply get premium support for the 'Part A" features, about $410/month, with the member paying the rest of the premium for coverage.
In California the rules require HMOs providing individual coverage to cover all 'medically necessary treatment' with no carve-outs for disallowing transgender care. The rules apply to individual Medicare Advanatge plans from HMOs as well. I have care through the Northern California Kaiser HMO on an individual Medicare Advantage plan, so I appear to be covered.
Note that I hustled to get my Gender Confirmation Surgery (GCS) and Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS) done, at least through their first stages, before I went on Medicare because I still worry about some Federal override of state law being done. That has not happened yet, and would likely be tied up in court for years rather than have any immediate impact.
I know that Kaiser recently stated that they will continue transgender medical care without regard to government policy changes, which is pretty amazing.
Kaiser Permanente will continue its care for transgender people even if federal requirements are removed (https://permanente.org/kaiser-permanente-will-continue-care-transgender-people-even-federal-requirements-removed/)
This is great news, I've been worried.
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 18, 2018, 08:32:17 PM
The trick seems to be to find a Medicare Advantage plan with the right benefits. Rather than the Federal Government being the payor for medical expenses, which let them override state rules on what can be covered, these plans simply get premium support for the 'Part A" features, about $410/month, with the member paying the rest of the premium for coverage.
In California the rules require HMOs providing individual coverage to cover all 'medically necessary treatment' with no carve-outs for disallowing transgender care. The rules apply to individual Medicare Advanatge plans from HMOs as well. I have care through the Northern California Kaiser HMO on an individual Medicare Advantage plan, so I appear to be covered.
Note that I hustled to get my Gender Confirmation Surgery (GCS) and Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS) done, at least through their first stages, before I went on Medicare because I still worry about some Federal override of state law being done. That has not happened yet, and would likely be tied up in court for years rather than have any immediate impact.
I know that Kaiser recently stated that they will continue transgender medical care without regard to government policy changes, which is pretty amazing.
Kaiser Permanente will continue its care for transgender people even if federal requirements are removed (https://permanente.org/kaiser-permanente-will-continue-care-transgender-people-even-federal-requirements-removed/)
Thanks, I hope that Florida allows similar benefits once I am ready for them.
Kaiser Permanente was always a very advanced operating insurance. The entire Kaiser Foundation is great. I did a lot of field testing in the Kaiser hospital in Burbank, and really liked their attitude!
I am now another year older, a body 39 years old for the 26th year, with a 17 year old mind driving. Yes, I have my Medicare card...
@Laurie and I celebrated last night. She surprised me with a lovely dinner at the Melting Pot. We had done a dinner at a Melting Pot in California when we first started seeing each other, a fun experience.
This was just as fun. We had a quiet, private booth in the back, a good waiter, and lots of fun food to cook for ourselves. We're a little slow, and dinner took us over 3 hours to get through. ;)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181129/f5b556814113cfc566acf345ef55a323.jpg) (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181129/31de6c29c8e0eae288b1a51db8334c63.jpg) (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181129/34a30bc13b9f67bec737e035acd95156.jpg)
I'm not sure why dinner took so darn long...
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 29, 2018, 02:30:45 PM
I'm not sure why dinner took so darn long...
I can't imagine why. But the two of you sure look cute together!
Awww! How sweet you two. I was wondering where Laurie was. I haven't seen her post here in awhile.
Happy Birthday Michelle!
Hugs ladies!
onica.
@Michelle_P cc: @Laurie Dear Michelle:Wow-zers.... great photos of you and your sweetie.
So, what took so long... the dinner itself, or the necking that was going on in your private booth at the back of the restaurant? ???
Thanks for posting and sharing... it is so very nice to see you and Laurie having such a wonderful evening.
Hugs to YOU and Hugs to Laurie...Danielle
Michelle,
Happy birthday! Lovely to see you two together and having a good time, you make a nice couple.
Hugs
Nicole
For the curious, I have been putting longer commentaries over on my blog (See signature). Some of these may eventually be expanded to book chapters.
Today i'M heading off to visit a brother and one of my nephews and their family, after visiting another nephew and family last night. This weekend is also
@Laurie 's first meetings with my family in this region!
Wonderful, bringing your sweetheart to meet family is a big step!
I should think it's obvious why dinner took so long ..all that lip wrestling lol
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One of those days. I've been misgendered, told I'm neither man nor woman, and insulted by what I thought was my own community. Others close to me have been harmed.
I am in a very, very bad mood.
Right now I am strongly inclined to just go stealth, and once my last surgeries are done in March, to disappear into the woodwork. Perhaps in several years it may be safe to be trans again, but right now, between the 'not trans enough', 'not a real woman', and 'dude in a dress' crowds, the intolerance, lack of acceptance, and backstabbing, I'm not sure I want to associate with the broader transgender community any more.
Why do we have to be so damn cruel to one another?
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 03, 2018, 04:37:43 PM
One of those days. I've been misgendered, told I'm neither man nor woman, and insulted by what I thought was my own community. Others close to me have been harmed.
I am in a very, very bad mood.
Right now I am strongly inclined to just go stealth, and once my last surgeries are done in March, to disappear into the woodwork. Perhaps in several years it may be safe to be trans again, but right now, between the 'not trans enough', 'not a real woman', and 'dude in a dress' crowds, the intolerance, lack of acceptance, and backstabbing, I'm not sure I want to associate with the broader transgender community any more.
Why do we have to be so damn cruel to one another?
Hi Michelle
Well it sounds like you have every reason to feel the way you do...You appear to me to be a woman in every way so I am not sure what they think they can see but its more about being rude than anything else.
I hope you are feeling better about things soon
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Quote from: Michelle_P on December 03, 2018, 04:37:43 PM
One of those days. I've been misgendered, told I'm neither man nor woman, and insulted by what I thought was my own community. Others close to me have been harmed.
I am in a very, very bad mood.
Right now I am strongly inclined to just go stealth, and once my last surgeries are done in March, to disappear into the woodwork. Perhaps in several years it may be safe to be trans again, but right now, between the 'not trans enough', 'not a real woman', and 'dude in a dress' crowds, the intolerance, lack of acceptance, and backstabbing, I'm not sure I want to associate with the broader transgender community any more.
Why do we have to be so damn cruel to one another?
A little kindness goes a long way, doesn't it?
Chrissy
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 03, 2018, 04:37:43 PM
One of those days. I've been misgendered, told I'm neither man nor woman, and insulted by what I thought was my own community. Others close to me have been harmed.
I am in a very, very bad mood.
Right now I am strongly inclined to just go stealth, and once my last surgeries are done in March, to disappear into the woodwork. Perhaps in several years it may be safe to be trans again, but right now, between the 'not trans enough', 'not a real woman', and 'dude in a dress' crowds, the intolerance, lack of acceptance, and backstabbing, I'm
Why do we have to be so damn cruel to one another?
@Michelle_PMy dear Michelle:What you described is such a bad and personally disturbing situation that you have gone through. Bear in mind that we in no way can control what others say, but we can control how we react and respond.
It is definitely easier said than done, but I am thinking that ignoring and putting it out of your mind and continuing to move forward is the correct next actions that you can consider.
I can fully understand your resultant bad mood, including some other personal "forums situations" that have recently gone on, I don't think that even copious amounts of chocolate will help right now. Being with your loved ones and/or sweetheart might be a good move for you right now.
Regarding your associating with the broader transgender community, it has certainly presented pitfalls for you personally as you reported.... but I am certain that painting it with such a broad brush as to state that you are "not sure that you want to associate with the broader transgender community any more" is not a wise course to follow.
Stay out there full-time, stick with your present accepting friends in your transgender circles, there are obviously good friends there....., develop a new circle of friends and acquaintances through your continuing efforts as a transgender advocate, and public speaker.
You have demonstrated your key abilities to promote the transgender cause, please don't let ignorant and rude individuals, even if there are some that are involved in the broader transgender community, ruin and destroy what has been a long and arduous journey for you.
Even in non transgender relationships among men and women there will be found disagreeable people that should be kept far away.
Continue believing in yourself and cherish the many successful trans-woman moments that you have experienced... there will certainly be more to come.
Hang in there girl, I will be following up with you again very soon.
Giant and tight HUGS,Danielle
I'm so sorry to hear this. I thought about trimming the quote so as to not plaster the board with it.
There is no excuse for people to act in that manner. Agreement doesn't matter, common civility does. I have
seen heard a lot of the world doing similar. Being trans is only one target, it seems that anyone different than them has the target. (pick the them, pick the target)
That crowd may sound loud, I firmly believe it's a smaller crowd than it used to be. As the get squeezed into their own fringes they all get louder and louder.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I was going to post a metaphor about atoms, electrons and such. I realized that I am no scientist and high school was a long time ago.
It's not time to hide, it is time to push aside those with negative views.
hugs
Faith
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 03, 2018, 04:37:43 PM
One of those days. I've been misgendered, told I'm neither man nor woman, and insulted by what I thought was my own community. Others close to me have been harmed.
I am in a very, very bad mood.
Right now I am strongly inclined to just go stealth, and once my last surgeries are done in March, to disappear into the woodwork. Perhaps in several years it may be safe to be trans again, but right now, between the 'not trans enough', 'not a real woman', and 'dude in a dress' crowds, the intolerance, lack of acceptance, and backstabbing, I'm not sure I want to associate with the broader transgender community any more.
Why do we have to be so damn cruel to one another?
I don't like to see you like this Michelle. I can't help with what's been going on in your life but I can offer my support and best wishes for you and yours. You're doing so good, you look amazing.
You have a kind, open spirit, a matriarch to many of us who have had the pleasure to grow and learn from your insights and experience. Sharing a life so publicly has taken courage and fortitude, i certainly recognise that in you and thank you for it.
Sometimes the world just shouts in every direction doesn't it? It will pass, try not to let the negative stuff take root. Be true to who you are, hold onto your values and core beliefs. Be what make you, you not what someone else thinks you should be.
Peace and love and all that good stuff,
Sadie
Michelle,
Please remember and know that you are loved by so many for who you truly are!
Your sister,
Tia Anne
I'm psychically drained right now. I'm taking some time offline, just reading some fiction, doing some writing and thinking, and enjoying long walks with my girlfriend.
Please give me a few days to recharge and recover a bit, and I may be able to handle the demands of life here a bit better.
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 04, 2018, 09:24:23 PM
I'm psychically drained right now. I'm taking some time offline, just reading some fiction, doing some writing and thinking, and enjoying long walks with my girlfriend.
Please give me a few days to recharge and recover a bit, and I may be able to handle the demands of life here a bit better.
@Michelle_P My dear Michelle:
You are not alone in being physically drained... for me I am not as much physically drained as I am mentally drained for various reasons that I won't go in to. Either way, mentally or physically, these things can take a real toll on our well-being and mood.
I am hoping that you get your much needed rest and relaxation and return to your "happy place" here on the forums with all of your friends and followers. We are your biggest fans and we are rooting for you.
Whenever I log-in to the forums, your thread is on my "bookmarks" list and I always check in on you to read what you have to say regarding your life journey.
Hugs and well wishes as always......
Danielle
"Resilience must continuously be refreshed and recommitted to. Every effort at resilience buys us not certainty, but another day, another chance. Every day is day one."
Call me Michelle when you've re-energized, I would like to talk.
Your girlfriend's little sister 💕
cc:
@Michelle_P
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 03, 2018, 04:37:43 PM
One of those days. I've been misgendered, told I'm neither man nor woman, and insulted by what I thought was my own community. Others close to me have been harmed.
I am in a very, very bad mood.
Right now I am strongly inclined to just go stealth, and once my last surgeries are done in March, to disappear into the woodwork. Perhaps in several years it may be safe to be trans again, but right now, between the 'not trans enough', 'not a real woman', and 'dude in a dress' crowds, the intolerance, lack of acceptance, and backstabbing, I'm not sure I want to associate with the broader transgender community any more.
Why do we have to be so damn cruel to one another?
Hi Michelle. One thing I have learned in life is that no matter how old we are High School type BS never really ends. It's tribal, clickish, etc. Just as we did in HS, it's helpful to find your own click within your own community. I have given up on parts of the larger LGB community and have withdrawn a bit as you have suggested you may do. Even in the trans community there are clicks that dissociate with others in the same situation. I can say that I'm in your click and would be happy to sit at the lunch table with you. :icon_chick: Best wishes.
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 03, 2018, 04:37:43 PM
One of those days. I've been misgendered, told I'm neither man nor woman, and insulted by what I thought was my own community. Others close to me have been harmed.
I am in a very, very bad mood.
Right now I am strongly inclined to just go stealth, and once my last surgeries are done in March, to disappear into the woodwork. Perhaps in several years it may be safe to be trans again, but right now, between the 'not trans enough', 'not a real woman', and 'dude in a dress' crowds, the intolerance, lack of acceptance, and backstabbing, I'm not sure I want to associate with the broader transgender community any more.
Why do we have to be so damn cruel to one another?
Dear Michelle!
It's not you hun! It's the stupid's, the not you's, the bully you's that think it makes them look cute's, uneducated that lack even just two good brain cells to rub together, the few that just happen to be there by chance, the overly religious that lost track of why they even bother with religion, the self-righteous. It's their problem, not yours. It is their loss, and from what I've learned from you, It's a huge loss. The people that treat you like this are not your friends. Maybe it's just time to hang with a higher class of people and leave the not you's behind.
Hugs girl!
Donica.
Much of what is going on, with me, with our community, and with the Othering, the social pressure put on marginalized people, stems from the triumph of ideology over humanity.
"Ideology corrupts caring, idealistic, educated, and intelligent people ... and turns some of them into monsters. Ideologies breed dogmatic thinking and lazy, decoder-ring policy analysis. They encourage motivated cognition. They give birth to excessive certainty, crowding out healthy intellectual skepticism. They moralize political conflict in an unhealthy fashion, yielding incivility, extremism, and social discord. They ignore the complexities of the modern world."
https://niskanencenter.org/blog/the-alternative-to-ideology/ (https://niskanencenter.org/blog/the-alternative-to-ideology/)
OCTOBER 29, 2018
THE ALTERNATIVE TO IDEOLOGY
BY JERRY TAYLOR
Precisely my sentiments. Thanks for the link Michelle. I don't know the level of intelligence the people that treat you this way posses. Would it be safe to say ideology is stupidity? I always find it's the intelligent people that find this type of behavior useless and unproductive.
I apologize for stating the obvious Michelle! I'm just venting. I'm dealing with a overly religious zealot gossip queen next door neighbor. I'm sure you know the type. "I'm smart. I read the Bible. I know things you don't know. Why I done gradgiated the six grade. I even sat next to Jethro Bodine in class. I can prove my edgeecasun cuz I got a gradgiated hat at the 7-11 down the street."
Hugs,
Donica.
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Quote from: Donica on December 07, 2018, 05:46:44 PM
I apologize for stating the obvious Michelle! I'm just venting. I'm dealing with a overly religious zealot gossip queen next door neighbor. I'm sure you know the type. "I'm smart. I read the Bible. I know things you don't know. Why I done gradgiated the six grade. I even sat next to Jethro Bodine in class. I can prove my edgeecasun cuz I got a gradgiated hat at the 7-11 down the street."
Hugs,
Donica.
Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk
[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
I dont mean to make light of your situation but your description was priceless
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I'm working on a longer article on identity, including gender, and the conflicts between factions under the transgender umbrella over identity, assignment of identity by others, and the ideological filters used by many to replace introspection, thought, and consideration. I think this will wind up around 2,500 words, and will probably appear first on my blog.
I've been recharging, getting more spoons (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory), and am feeling better. I did get whacked again yesterday by someone who was once dear to me, which now means I need to be very careful in any contact, unfortunately.
I've done a few interesting things recently while hanging out with my girlfriend. She got me a couple of hours with her electrologist (Mine has retired), so after 6 weeks off, i went under the needle again. Fully cleared in an hour and forty minutes! Yaaaay! This helped my mood. We went out to dinner nearby and shared another romantic meal and dessert together. Desserts are my downfall, I'm afraid.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181209/f3a6ed68512073239591b4fc090d901a.jpg)
We also spent a day north of here, shopping, playing tourist, enjoying a shared meal, and visiting with friends, one of whom I already knew, and two great people I was very happy to meet, and whose company and hospitality I enjoyed.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181209/1666ce3e51cb8b4e99abdfb48521cbbf.jpg)
I'm feeling better now, and will probably be returning to more community activity around me for the near future.
@Michelle_P Dear Michelle:It is so good to read your last very upbeat update... thank you for sharing on your thread.
I am so glad that you are doing much better now...
I am so very happy to see
Laurie's smiling face in the pictures that you posted.
Please tell her hello for me and give her one of
my big HUGS... and please tell her that
I miss her so much here on the Forums.
OH and the dessert that you and
Laurie were sharing at your romantic dinner out looks quite decadent indeed. I also have a weakness for desserts, cakes, cookies, pies, homemade rolls and breads.... and since you now have the brand new beautiful deep red KitchenAid mixer... a terrific early Christmas gift for sure... you can now do even more baking!!!!
It looks like that you were having a wonderful time shopping at the Market with
Laurie and
Kendra @Kendra ... and ??? and ???
Again, thank you for sharing your wonderful update.
Hugs to
YOU, and
Laurie, and
Kendra,
Best wishes,
DanielleQuote from: Michelle_P on December 09, 2018, 03:56:48 PM
I'm working on a longer article on identity, including gender, and the conflicts between factions under the transgender umbrella over identity, assignment of identity by others, and the ideological filters used by many to replace introspection, thought, and consideration. I think this will wind up around 2,500 words, and will probably appear first on my blog.
I've been recharging, getting more spoons (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory), and am feeling better. I did get whacked again yesterday by someone who was once dear to me, which now means I need to be very careful in any contact, unfortunately.
I've done a few interesting things recently while hanging out with my girlfriend. She got me a couple of hours with her electrologist (Mine has retired), so after 6 weeks off, i went under the needle again. Fully cleared in an hour and forty minutes! Yaaaay! This helped my mood. We went out to dinner nearby and shared another romantic meal and dessert together. Desserts are my downfall, I'm afraid.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181209/f3a6ed68512073239591b4fc090d901a.jpg)
We also spent a day north of here, shopping, playing tourist, enjoying a shared meal, and visiting with friends, one of whom I already knew, and two great people I was very happy to meet, and whose company and hospitality I enjoyed.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181209/1666ce3e51cb8b4e99abdfb48521cbbf.jpg)
I'm feeling better now, and will probably be returning to more community activity around me for the near future.
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on December 09, 2018, 04:44:22 PM
It looks like that you were having a wonderful time shopping at the Market with Laurie and Kendra @Kendra ... and ??? and ???
Well, that's Saha and Beth!
What a fun photo of you all.
@Michelle_P Quote from: Michelle_P on December 09, 2018, 03:56:48 PM
I'm working on a longer article on identity, including gender, and the conflicts between factions under the transgender umbrella over identity, assignment of identity by others, and the ideological filters used by many to replace introspection, thought, and consideration. I think this will wind up around 2,500 words, and will probably appear first on my blog.
I've been recharging, getting more spoons (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory), and am feeling better. I did get whacked again yesterday by someone who was once dear to me, which now means I need to be very careful in any contact, unfortunately.
I've done a few interesting things recently while hanging out with my girlfriend. She got me a couple of hours with her electrologist (Mine has retired), so after 6 weeks off, i went under the needle again. Fully cleared in an hour and forty minutes! Yaaaay! This helped my mood. We went out to dinner nearby and shared another romantic meal and dessert together. Desserts are my downfall, I'm afraid.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181209/f3a6ed68512073239591b4fc090d901a.jpg)
We also spent a day north of here, shopping, playing tourist, enjoying a shared meal, and visiting with friends, one of whom I already knew, and two great people I was very happy to meet, and whose company and hospitality I enjoyed.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181209/1666ce3e51cb8b4e99abdfb48521cbbf.jpg)
I'm feeling better now, and will probably be returning to more community activity around me for the near future.
Wonderful to see both of you smiling. Keep doing that....
Michelle it was great to see you, and Laurie, and thank you for driving up to Seattle.
A great afternoon with both of you along with Beth & Saha.
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 09, 2018, 03:56:48 PM
I'm working on a longer article on identity, including gender, and the conflicts between factions under the transgender umbrella over identity, assignment of identity by others, and the ideological filters used by many to replace introspection, thought, and consideration. I think this will wind up around 2,500 words, and will probably appear first on my blog.
I've been recharging, getting more spoons (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory), and am feeling better. I did get whacked again yesterday by someone who was once dear to me, which now means I need to be very careful in any contact, unfortunately.
I've done a few interesting things recently while hanging out with my girlfriend. She got me a couple of hours with her electrologist (Mine has retired), so after 6 weeks off, i went under the needle again. Fully cleared in an hour and forty minutes! Yaaaay! This helped my mood. We went out to dinner nearby and shared another romantic meal and dessert together. Desserts are my downfall, I'm afraid.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181209/f3a6ed68512073239591b4fc090d901a.jpg)
We also spent a day north of here, shopping, playing tourist, enjoying a shared meal, and visiting with friends, one of whom I already knew, and two great people I was very happy to meet, and whose company and hospitality I enjoyed.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181209/1666ce3e51cb8b4e99abdfb48521cbbf.jpg)
I'm feeling better now, and will probably be returning to more community activity around me for the near future.
Now that looks like a banana split and a half! Yum!
I recognize three lovely ladies in that picture and see four lovely ladies and one handsome gent.
I'm glad your feeling better Michelle. I would love to read your new article about identity.
Hugs,
Donica.
My girlfriend gave me an over-the-top birthday/holiday present, that I had to take out for a spin...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181214/ecf96645e0111d2eaa5bff426bf4cd59.jpg)
It works.... Mmmmm....
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181214/aa6ce299e731ec7cadbac0664b4abb71.jpg)
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Uh oh, this could lead to health consequences ;D Well at least there are good emotional consequences :) My best to you both. Randy
Yum...[emoji847]
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I think it is unfair to post all the pictures of those sweet delights. I am a diabetic, and feel like a kid pressing her nose against the window of the candy store!
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 14, 2018, 04:32:06 PM
My girlfriend gave me an over-the-top birthday/holiday present, that I had to take out for a spin...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181214/ecf96645e0111d2eaa5bff426bf4cd59.jpg)
It works.... Mmmmm....
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181214/aa6ce299e731ec7cadbac0664b4abb71.jpg)
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
That's some piece of hardware Michelle! Are those oatmeal cookies? Yum! I love oatmeal raisin cookies.
Enjoy you two!
@Donica , these are indeed oatmeal raisin cookies. I've tinkered with my recipe to get a thinner, chewier cookie. These seem to be very popular.
@Dietlind @RandyL , I give away almost all the cookies I make. I have a new fun one, a request for about 250 frozen 'pucks' of cookie dough for my Ultimate Chocolate Chip and Oatmeal Raisin cookies. These will be served in a church as part of their Christmas Eve events, freshly baked in the church's kitchen.
@LizK these are indeed delicious cookies!
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 15, 2018, 05:57:58 PM
@Donica , these are indeed oatmeal raisin cookies. I've tinkered with my recipe to get a thinner, chewier cookie. These seem to be very popular.
Oh how I love chewy oatmeal raisin cookies. Any chance of getting your recipe? :icon_dance:
Quote from: GordonG on December 15, 2018, 06:34:57 PM
Oh how I love chewy oatmeal raisin cookies. Any chance of getting your recipe? :icon_dance:
Soft Oatmeal Cookies
- Prep 15 m Cook 10 m Ready In 2 h
1 c butter 2 sticks
1 c white sugar 210 g
1 c packed brown sugar 200 g
2 eggs
1tsp vanilla extract
3 tbsp blackstrap molasses
2 c all-purpose flour 250 g
1 tsp baking soda OR 2 tsp calcium carbonate baking soda (salt free)
1 tsp salt Optional for salt-free
1 1/2 tsp cinnamon
2/3 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp allspice
1/2 tsp ground cloves
3 c rolled oats 270 g
1/4 c milk
1 1/2 c raisins
In a medium bowl, cream together butter, white sugar, and brown sugar. Beat in eggs one at a time, then stir in vanilla and molasses. Combine flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon and other spices; stir into the creamed mixture. Mix in oats, and finally the milk and raisins. Cover, and chill dough for at least one hour.
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F Grease cookie sheets or use parchment paper. Roll the dough into walnut sized balls, and place 3 inches apart on cookie sheets.
Bake for 10 minutes in preheated oven. Allow cookies to cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.
Blast have every thing to make them apart from molasses and how much is 2 sticks of butter in grams? (350 gram blocks in UK)
Quote from: davina61 on December 16, 2018, 09:04:16 AM
Blast have every thing to make them apart from molasses and how much is 2 sticks of butter in grams? (350 gram blocks in UK)
I measure (on my electronic scale) 110 g, it says on the pack 113 g. I don't know if that little difference means anything (I don't bake cookies or cakes)?
This is the weight for one stick!
Thanks now just have to find some black sticky stuff
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 15, 2018, 10:56:58 PM
Soft Oatmeal Cookies
- Prep 15 m Cook 10 m Ready In 2 h
1 c butter 2 sticks
1 c white sugar 210 g
1 c packed brown sugar 200 g
2 eggs
1tsp vanilla extract
3 tbsp blackstrap molasses
2 c all-purpose flour 250 g
1 tsp baking soda OR 2 tsp calcium carbonate baking soda (salt free)
1 tsp salt Optional for salt-free
1 1/2 tsp cinnamon
2/3 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp allspice
1/2 tsp ground cloves
3 c rolled oats 270 g
1/4 c milk
1 1/2 c raisins
In a medium bowl, cream together butter, white sugar, and brown sugar. Beat in eggs one at a time, then stir in vanilla and molasses. Combine flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon and other spices; stir into the creamed mixture. Mix in oats, and finally the milk and raisins. Cover, and chill dough for at least one hour.
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F Grease cookie sheets or use parchment paper. Roll the dough into walnut sized balls, and place 3 inches apart on cookie sheets.
Bake for 10 minutes in preheated oven. Allow cookies to cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.
Wow, thank you so much. Can't wait to mix up a batch.
Yummy, Yummy
Quote from: davina61 on December 16, 2018, 09:04:16 AM
Blast have every thing to make them apart from molasses and how much is 2 sticks of butter in grams? (350 gram blocks in UK)
113 grams in a US butter stick, so about 225 grams total.
Note that this batter makes a thin chewy cookie. For a thicker and harder cookie, leave out that 1/4 cup of milk.
You can also play with the add-ins, I've made this with white chocolate chips and chopped pecans instead of the raisins, also leaving out the milk to get a thicker cookie.
The molasses adds invert sugars that help hold moisture. You could leave out the molasses and just use all brown sugar (preferably dark brown), that is, no refined white sugar, just 410 grams brown sugar, to get a result thats not too far off.
Quote from: davina61 on December 16, 2018, 12:51:03 PM
Thanks now just have to find some black sticky stuff
The color and stickiness of Marmite would be just fine! >:-)
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 16, 2018, 04:40:00 PM
113 grams in a US butter stick, so about 225 grams total.
Note that this batter makes a thin chewy cookie. For a thicker and harder cookie, leave out that 1/4 cup of milk.
You can also play with the add-ins, I've made this with white chocolate chips and chopped pecans instead of the raisins, also leaving out the milk to get a thicker cookie.
The molasses adds invert sugars that help hold moisture. You could leave out the molasses and just use all brown sugar (preferably dark brown), that is, no refined white sugar, just 410 grams brown sugar, to get a result thats not too far off.
The recipe is very close to one of our Aussie /Kiwi all time favourites call ANZAC Biscuits...at least the basic ingredients seem to produce a flat , thin, chewy biscuit with that rich sweet taste of molasses, or we would substitute golden syrup for molasses.
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So gave the cookies a go, used Muscovado sugar and black treacle . 15mins in my oven and had to make them in 3 and a tray batches , used grill pan and 2 baking trays !!!!(https://i.imgur.com/qYucpV4.jpg)
Looks like they turned out well.
Yaaaay!
Let there be cookies, and lo! There were cookies, and they were good.
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Quote from: davina61 on December 18, 2018, 08:16:38 AM
So gave the cookies a go, used Muscovado sugar and black treacle . 15mins in my oven and had to make them in 3 and a tray batches , used grill pan and 2 baking trays !!!!(https://i.imgur.com/qYucpV4.jpg)
@Davina:
Dear Davina:Wow-Whee.... ...your cookies look wonderfully delicious... I love Molasses Cookies... how did you know???Thank you for posting your pictures and for sharing.
Hugs,
Danielle
@Michelle_P Dear Michelle:
Look what you have started on your thread...
...you are turning all of your followers into "Cookie Monsters"
Please keep your oven hot and keep baking more cookies.
I will be trying out your Oatmeal Raisin Molasses Cookie recipe this week, I like them chewy as well... mmm, mmm, good.... warm, out of the oven cookies.... not much is better.
Thank you for sharing.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 18, 2018, 02:15:07 PM
Looks like they turned out well.
Yaaaay!
Let there be cookies, and lo! There were cookies, and they were good.
And all of Susan's did rejoice and sayeth unto each other, "Surely this will bring happiness upon our land." Then they did learn of how far away the distant land of the cookies lay, and there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth, and darkness was upon the world.
A-women.
@Alaskan Danielle @Steph2.0 Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on December 18, 2018, 02:27:54 PM
@Michelle_P
Dear Michelle:
Look what you have started on your thread...
...you are turning all of your followers into "Cookie Monsters"
Please keep your oven hot and keep baking more cookies.
I will be trying out your Oatmeal Raisin Molasses Cookie recipe this week, I like them chewy as well... mmm, mmm, good.... warm, out of the oven cookies.... not much is better.
Thank you for sharing.
Hugs,
Danielle
My sweetie and I have tried both of her delicious cookies! I was asked to please hide them before she ate them all!
And lo they were but a marathon away.....
How fun! I'll have to post the chocolate chip cookie recipe.
Hmmm. Anyone want to cook beef short ribs? Another recipe ..,
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Oh yes to the chocolate chip cookie recipe!!!
Not that I eat them of course but sometimes lonely waifs drift by and I aid them by eating a chocolate chip cookie as I watch them pass I mean offering them a chocolate chip cookie to help them on their way.
Quote from: Steph2.0 on December 18, 2018, 02:34:12 PM
And all of Susan's did rejoice and sayeth unto each other, "Surely this will bring happiness upon our land." Then they did learn of how far away the distant land of the cookies lay, and there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth, and darkness was upon the world.
A-women.
@Steph2.0 Dear Stephanie:You are so right... and you are also quite correct about
"how far away the distant land on the cookies lay" for most of the Forum's members especially like
@Davina,
you and
me.... but the good news is that we all have our own kitchens and proven that we can bake cookies and cakes and other items quite proficiently, so perhaps we can tempt the ones that are far and away from us with our delicious baked goods pictures as we have already been doing... i.e. look at my Avatar photo... there are CHOCOLATE dipped cookies pictured there!!!
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle
Michelle's Ultimate Chocolate Chip Cookies
1 c butter, softened 2 sticks
1/2 c white sugar 100 g
1 1/2 c packed brown sugar 310 g
3 eggs
1 tbsp vanilla extract
1 tbsp blackstrap molasses
3 c all-purpose flour 375 g
1 tsp baking soda OR 2 tsp calcium carbonate - baking grade
1/2 tsp salt (optional)
1 tsp ground cinnamon
2/3 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp allspice
1/2 tsp ground cloves
1/2 tsp ginger
2 c semisweet chocolate chips
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Cream together the butter, white sugar, and brown sugar until smooth. Beat in the eggs one at a time, then stir in the vanilla and molasses. Add baking soda to batter along with salt if needed. Add in the spices; cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, ground cloves, and ginger. Stir in flour, then chocolate chips. Drop by large spoonfuls onto ungreased pans.
Bake for about 10-12 minutes in the preheated oven, or until edges are nicely browned.
Thank you Michelle for posting the recipe for those satisfying chocolaty yummy discs of joy.
Hugs and smiles from another California girl
Yum! Thank you Michelle. I promised Stephanie I would bake up some chocolate chip cookies for her return home. She may already be familiar with your cookies.
Hi Davina, your cookies look YUM! They all look YUM! I see you used some black treacle in them. Black treacle has been used in British brewing for some Russian imperial stouts and porters. Lyle's Golden has been used in some traditional real ales. Both syrups are very tasty and I've used them both.
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 18, 2018, 02:58:24 PMHmmm. Anyone want to cook beef short ribs? Another recipe
Yes yes yes, and omm nomm nomm!!
Stephanie
@Michelle_P My dear Michelle:This time of the year, especially because of the special Holiday events can be very difficult for many people... the gatherings and events that can very festive and enjoyable times also can be unhappy times for many transitioners that have not garnered acceptance from parents, family members, friends, acquaintances, coworkers, neighbors and those we come across in our daily lives.
This is the right time of year for us to try to make it a happier time to encourage and inspire others that need our hugs, listening ear, and our shoulder to lean on. Not only can it lift the spirits and bring some much needed comfort and joy to others but at the very same time doing these things can bring happiness and joy to our own lives.
The most unbelieved beatitude in the Bible is: "It is more blessed to give than receive" (Acts 20:35)
I can personally testify of the truth in that scripture.
I trust that you are finding the joy and happiness that you deserve so I am giving you my expression of the holiday season that we are now in:
wishing you a very
MERRY CHRISTMAS and a prosperous and
Happy
NEW YEAR in 2019
Please, if you could, give my holiday greeting to our very good friend LaurieHugs and as always, Well Wishes
Danielle
Quote from: Steph2.0 on December 18, 2018, 02:34:12 PM
And all of Susan's did rejoice and sayeth unto each other, "Surely this will bring happiness upon our land." Then they did learn of how far away the distant land of the cookies lay, and there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth, and darkness was upon the world.
A-women.
Oh here! I'll get that! It was just a fuse. And yet, there was another light. And thou saw the light was good. And thou rained cookies upon the land once again.
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on December 25, 2018, 12:56:56 PM
trust that you are finding the joy and happiness that you deserve so I am giving you my expression of the holiday season that we are now in:
wishing you a very
MERRY CHRISTMAS
and a prosperous and
Happy NEW YEAR in 2019
Please, if you could, give my holiday greeting to our very good friend Laurie
I am indeed, and I shall pass your greetings along to Laurie.
I hosted a little brunch here this morning for friends who did not have a place to be on Christmas morning. The menu featured fresh berries and yogurt, sticky buns, Creme Brûlée French toast, coffee and tea, and a special version of pancakes for a friend with dietary restrictions.
Fluffy No-flour No-sugar PancakesBlender, griddle or large skillet/pan
1 very ripe banana
1 large egg
2 tbsp rolled oats (quick oats or oatmeal work)
1/4 tsp baking soda
Pre-heat your skillet or griddle to a medium/low heat. Put all ingredients in the blender and purée on a fairly low setting for a minute, til quite smooth. If needed, lightly oil the skillet or griddle. (I use a canola oil spray) Pour 3-4 pancakes out from the blender. (If desired, sprinkle in some crushed pecans or a few blueberries.) Cook til lightly browned on thee bottom then carefully flip, about 2-3 minutes on each side.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181225/6ccf630efe3d9e8560ee18b61cd4c4b1.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181225/e328d38b1bf0cc363dab0a74c2eecc7e.jpg) (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181225/cb5a7d7a8be7945532242c376bc2cd45.jpg) (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181225/93d1a2b569624a581525c3724186e7ce.jpg)
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 25, 2018, 03:07:17 PM
I am indeed, and I shall pass your greetings along to Laurie.
I hosted a little brunch here this morning for friends who did not have a place to be on Christmas morning. The menu featured fresh berries and yogurt, sticky buns, Creme Brûlée French toast, coffee and tea, and a special version of pancakes for a friend with dietary restrictions.
Fluffy No-flour No-sugar Pancakes
Blender, griddle or large skillet/pan
1 very ripe banana
1 large egg
2 tbsp rolled oats (quick oats or oatmeal work)
1/4 tsp baking soda
Pre-heat your skillet or griddle to a medium/low heat. Put all ingredients in the blender and purée on a fairly low setting for a minute, til quite smooth. If needed, lightly oil the skillet or griddle. (I use a canola oil spray) Pour 3-4 pancakes out from the blender. (If desired, sprinkle in some crushed pecans or a few blueberries.) Cook til lightly browned on thee bottom then carefully flip, about 2-3 minutes on each side.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181225/6ccf630efe3d9e8560ee18b61cd4c4b1.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181225/e328d38b1bf0cc363dab0a74c2eecc7e.jpg) (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181225/cb5a7d7a8be7945532242c376bc2cd45.jpg) (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181225/93d1a2b569624a581525c3724186e7ce.jpg)
You are such a wonderful person Michelle!
This is definitely a much needed show of season giving!
Merry Christmas!Hugs and smiles from another California girl
On the road again... from the California/Oregon border on Interstate 5...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181226/1e35b3b7ff5e4c42556c8ae01dd27058.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181226/d38aa92aad4b1e910cec02f4cc050d05.jpg)
In drove that road quite a bit. My niece lives in the inter-mountain valley near Mount Chasta, and I have friends in Eugene, and that is the road I travel (but never in winter).
I did that drive at the beginning of December on my way back to BC from Mesa AZ! I really like that section of the drive. Love the rainbow trucks!
Have a safe trip Michelle! Give Laurie big hugs!!!
And one from me whether she wants it or not!!!!
Hugs given!
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 27, 2018, 01:39:53 PM
Hugs given!
One from me, too!!
Oh, and tell what I'll be doing in September. She asked on Facebook and I'm not posting such things there.
Stephanie
Quote from: Steph2.0 on December 27, 2018, 02:07:46 PM
One from me, too!!
Oh, and tell what I'll be doing in September. She asked on Facebook and I'm not posting such things there.
Stephanie
Ah, yes. The little trip out to Burlingame. I will let her know.
Michelle, our hugs and love to the two of you,
Tia Anne & Debi
I'm enjoying a nice weekend with friends, and feeling loved.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181230/a38f4df4c2d64187ffd0d93d41f837fd.jpg)
Being with others who fully accept me as who I am, being with someone I love and who loves me, is a remarkable thing.
I am happy and at peace. I feel complete, and whole.
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Quote from: Michelle_P on December 29, 2018, 07:52:30 PM
I'm enjoying a nice weekend with friends, and feeling loved.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181230/a38f4df4c2d64187ffd0d93d41f837fd.jpg)
Being with others who fully accept me as who I am, being with someone I love and who loves me, is a remarkable thing.
I am happy and at peace. I feel complete, and whole.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
@Michelle_P Dear Michelle:Ahhh, the toastie toes picture.... I had quite a few of those kinds of photos posted on my thread last month...
I am so very glad that you are having a nice weekend with loving friends that fully accept you. Yes indeed, being with someone who loves you is a remarkable feeling.
I love your last sentence:
"I am happy and at peace. I feel complete, and whole."Thank you for sharing ....
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 29, 2018, 07:52:30 PM
I'm enjoying a nice weekend with friends, and feeling loved.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181230/a38f4df4c2d64187ffd0d93d41f837fd.jpg)
Being with others who fully accept me as who I am, being with someone I love and who loves me, is a remarkable thing.
I am happy and at peace. I feel complete, and whole.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
And may you both have many happy years together! Love is so wonderful!!!
I love it!!!!! And matching colors too! New Toastie Toes pictures for Danielle's collection. By the way, more Toastie Toes pictures coming soon ;D
@Michelle_P Dear Michelle:It was wonderful for me to meet you on the Forums this past year...
I have so much enjoyed your updates as you continue on in your journey.
Thank you for feeling free to share your life events with all of us.
I have very much enjoyed swapping comments and thoughts with you on your thread, my thread, and on various threads around the Forums.
Obviously some bumps in the road that all of us experience so we continue to hang on for an exciting ride.
I am so very happy that I found you and your thread on the Forums this last year and I will be eagerly following your upcoming reports and updates ... and photos in the New Year in 2019.
Wishing you a very
HAPPY NEW YEAR in 2019...
Hugs and as always, well wishes.
Danielle
This post marks the end of my first biographical thread, An update on me... (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,215456.msg1907455.html#msg1907455) started immediately before I went full time and continuing through my transition. With 84 pages and 1,670 posts, it was getting near the limit this site likes to keep threads to. With the end of my transition and the start of a new year, a new thread seems appropriate.
My story continues here:
Capter 2: In Which Michelle_P lives her life post transition (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,243749.msg2210951.html#msg2210951)