Greetings my dear ones.
I will be stepping back from the forum, but not leaving it.
If you wish to ask questions of Satinjoy the fairy, please feel free to do so on this thread. Be advised there will be zero tolerance for any kind of violation of TOS, I will go straight to Cindy with that.
As to one piece of advice for everyone..... there is a wealth of history in this subforum like no other on earth. Read of the sages and learn, and pass what you have learned on to others here.
I will be here occasionally, my time is extremely limited.
I remain,
Nails out, hair on, heart wide open, living free.
Blessings
Satinjoy
And they are the most beautiful of their kind. ;) No I could not entirely stay away.
Peace,
J
Oh, Satinjoy, I will truly miss your posts. It was you that made the forest a welcoming, friendly, warm place.
Yes, you.
I'll try to keep an eye on it. Since you, ativan, Shantel, and most of the others are gone, there are very few left who can keep a sense of history alive. I'm ill-suited for the job. I'm not a mainstream non-binary. I did a 180-degree transition and live as a binary woman. Only in grimy corners of my brain am I truly non-binary, and even in those I'd happily scour out all the male if I only could. I have no clue what it's like to want/need to present androgynously, no clue what doing that would involve, and no clue what sort of dysphoria precipitates from inability to find a sweet spot in between the binary genders. True, I have the gift of empathy, but that gift is known on occasion to desert me in spectacularly insensitive ways.
I'm the last person anyone ever choose to be the caretaker of the forest. I certainly didn't fit in with the folk that were there. When the "family" thread was started, it was clear I was seen as sort of a distant relative (when I was mentioned at all), the great-great grandfather who visits from The Home periodically to offer some banal commentary that always starts "In my day..." Most of the posts in the "what sort of creature are you..." thread went over my head as I watched the others trade words full of emotional content that completely eluded me.
If you hadn't been there, I wouldn't have bothered.
But you always made me feel as if my posts had value. That even though I wasn't tuned in to the zeitgeist of the place, you went out of your way to convince me that my words had been heard and understood.
I'm not one to hold onto the past. I'll move past this quickly, adjust to the new reality, and fit in the best way it can. You and I will (I hope, I hope) continue to be friends, but a voice of warmth will be lost, and I have no choice to mark its passing and ride the emotional wave of chagrin that it generated.
Kel the dormouse sneaks in and leaves an acorn on the table - one with a phoenix painted on it.
She still lives in the forest and has no plans to leave yet..
And the table is set for three, candles still burn, insence.
There is a reason I remain here on this thread.
It is you my dears, I care a lot.
Come in and dine, we have meager food, mostly bitter herbs, but I remain.
There are others here too.
But I won't endangered myself either. I will never again speak of pain, sacrifice, etc but the history is here.
Don't underrate yourself suzi. You are more than you think. Honest to the core. And Kelly and Julie, you know I feel strongly.for you both.
And for many others too.
Blessings
Satinjoy
The Julie girl knocks shyly on the door hoping to be allowed in if only for a moment. Her heart is broken but her soul remains with her beloved friends. Some of whom now live in a different part of the forest, but still within the bounds of magic.
Come in girl.
Nice of you to drop in, I was just about to leave and lock the door.
Perhaps I will stay a little longer.
Approaching the unicorn she says, "I have given the anger over to God, I am grateful that you remain to help guide my spirit. Our friends are well, and I have joined them in the west. I seek acceptance from and for all, and will come back and forth for as long as the young ones continue to seek truth and I am helpful. Do you have anything good to eat? "
Kel the dormouse also pops in to the treehouse with a collection of acorns.. And a smile and a warm heart.
I think I will stay a while. Friends remain.
I am sick my dears I need to rest.
May I fetch you some tea and your slippers? I love you Satinjoy no matter where we meet.
Ideally, a painter should not become conscious of her insights without taking the detour through her reflective processes, and in comprehensively to herself, all her progress should enter so swiftly into the work that she is unable to recognize them in the moment of transition. Alas, the artist who waits in ambush there, watching, detaining them, will find them transformed like the beautiful gold in the fairy tale which cannot remain gold because some small detail was not taken care of.
SJ, you are transformed, in your own personal journey at a place that is so interpersonally yours, no one and no one comment will ever take that away from you. Our journeys are analagous to our own inner selves despite many comments to the contrary.
You, Julie and so many others are enormously invaluable to the masses that truly need your wisdom.
Eva comes and leaves gifts of fruitcake and bacon for the non binaries. She remembers being very active here in another life :(
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Nice to see you, Eva and mt. I am afraid I am not cordial, the truth is I am filled with grief. I have lost my closest friends. My closest nb support, though you all remain. And so I grieve. We lost knowledge and heart and insight.
It is not good, what has happened, it has hurt the world of trans. It offends the old artist deeply. It should never have come to pass. Much is lost now.
My time is limited, my emotions shut down, for safety. It is unhealthy, but it is required.
I do not know what to do, I hide in a thread so I will not be played, the door is open, but for folk to come in.
I am disillusioned, I thought it was a place to heal. To learn how to survive, to celebrate truth. Not my truth. Each transperson truth, and where to find it.
But truth can hurt, and today I grieve.
Diamond cores. Seems rarer than I thought.
What will Satinjoy do next, who will bait her now. I hope no one, but they do.
An offensive identity. A warning about sensitivity.
Hard choices to make, my home is not safe.
They are gone. My truth was rejected and scorned, and some here laugh at the diamond core of the soul.
Laughter like when I was a child, the stuff that overthrew my emotions and taught me to hide.
Shall I hide again dear ones? Or walk away.
I do not know.
Wherever you walk, I will be close. The lands in the west entice, but there is much loving work to be done here too. Lord Ativan gave their blessing and will bear much of the load of counsel if asked. There is beauty in this forest yet even though the fire of discord brought down many beautiful trees. It is all real and all true. I left the old house's door unlocked and a note on the table. Blessed by a kiss and filled with hope. Whatever happens I will stay near for as long as I am useful and needed.
The fairy is sitting at her table in the treehouse,hands over her face softly weeping and ruminating with a broken heart about her past and her future, where will she find such kind and loving friends again in her life.Suddenly she hears the slightest of sounds and opens her hands to see the green warrior standing next to her smiling. The green warrior ,her mother it one motion sweeps the fairy up into her arms and against her bosom holding the fairy in her warm embrace to comfort her and speaks. They were only words my daughter and they can only hurt you if you let them.They came from others who do not understand us for we are in our own way very unique in the forest. A blend of the two sides, never really one or the other but still able to be true to our core and heart and that is what really counts in the end. Cry no more for you now have the ability to grow and prosper in your life. Words are only words and nothing more, remember the beautiful ones from friends and ignore the ones filled with doubt.
Instantly the fairy found herself again sitting at her table she looked around but knew the warrior was gone. Her mother was like that, always there to comfort her but rarely noticed by others for she was truly a living part of the forest.
Sh'e kisses each one, fills her pocket with acorns. Walks to the door.
You know where to find me, Sh'e says.
Pm me if you do not.
Sh'e goes to the door, leaves it unlocked, and with a diamond encrusted cane, Sh'e silently left..
But you can still reach me my dear ones.
Sigh :-*
Kel sits on the porch of the treehouse and mourns the loss of so many of the forests residents..
The mighty non binary elders are not lost, they have simply followed a path to a nearby forest home..
I'm just sweeping up under the faries treehouse, don't mind me..
:D
Quote from: Satinjoy on November 20, 2014, 04:44:07 PM
I am sick my dears I need to rest.
Please find a therapist who can guide you through this period of your life. If not a therapist a medical doctor or Emergency Room that can evaluate and direct you to proper care.
None of us can do this alone and without understanding souls to converse with the darkness get so thick it can push you down paths not intended for us.
SJ
You are now in a place of love and support. We have helped you as you have helped us. You have had the help of both friends and of professionals. Please focus on your truths and not those promoted by others.
Safe travels
Aisla
SJ where are you ? Well shoot looks like most all the other chickens left too.Now what to do about all the eggs of wisdom that were laid here and the support the chickens had for each other. One thing for sure chickens flock together and if I want some more eggs I will have to find them. Looks like the fox will have to stay here and now play with themselves.
Even the fox has their time of enlightenment and their day in the sunshine. All are welcome who are courteous and accepting of diversity. :angel:
Quote from: JulieBlair on November 26, 2014, 02:37:40 PM
Even the fox has their time of enlightenment and their day in the sunshine. All are welcome who are courteous and accepting of diversity. :angel:
Julie
Indeed all are welcome but those who have ill intent and 'form' are not. Perhaps folk can change, but first they need to reflect, look into the mirror and commit to change.
OTH a fox is by nature a predator. It would be a foolish chicken that would seek a fox's company.
Safe travels
Aesop :)
Pms will find their way to me, but I am staying quiet. It's just better that way.
For those I love here that is how I can be reached.
Blessings
Satinjoy
Blessings and Godspeed.
Still here, still quiet. No time...
Come chat here if you wish my darlings, I did not lock the door.
Love to all who remain, and to those who did not.
It's unconditional...
Blessings
Satinjoy
Satinjoy, I love you - you bring generosity of spirit to the forest and treehouse and always will. Thank you for staying close. We the children, will always need your counsel.
Julie
Hello Satinjoy,
it is good to see that you still remain a presence in the forest. I'm a sea creature myself, lurking in the deep, but whenever I break through the surface and come up for air I find reassurance in seeing the forest still alive. I'm watching from afar!
I will check in from time to time. Mostly off forum.
Thanks my dear.
Who is still here and can come sit in my treehouse?
Dinner is warming up.
But I can't seem to find my guests.
Quote from: Satinjoy on December 07, 2014, 09:51:06 AM
Who is still here and can come sit in my treehouse?
Dinner is warming up.
But I can't seem to find my guests.
I'm always around, dear. You know your treehouse has a special place in my heart.
You just have to look closely. Sometimes I blend into the bark. Today I journeyed across the waters to play with dogs, and read wisdom.
Whatcha wanna eat?
I.got mushrooms....
I are out gq this weekend.
Wow.
How are you loves?
This morning I made lamb pie, left my lovers house with the savory flavors filling the air. Yesterday I roasted the poor beast, with beets and asparagus. What was left became the base for today, and I left just before Eric and JR were preparing for their feast. I've journeyed back to the city now, but left with the savour of food and friends in my spirit. Would you care to join?
In a hearbeat my dear friend, I would do it in the blink of a mascara'd eye
The pie was reported to be savory and delicious. There was gravy enough to soak baguette, fresh green salad to add balance, and gelato to finish the feast. As I wasn't there, I gained no weight, for those who partook it will be slimmer fare this week ;)
Peace,
J
Sh'e wishes all well, h'er time is completed. God bless my dears....
Blessings
Satinjoy
A joyful New Year with family. You will survive your in laws and I'll be waiting on the other side.
Love to you SJ
And to you. Because of the recent suicides, I need to remain a presence here.
It's time for us to come out of stealth and for the sake of those around us, stand up for our God given right to be trans. To examine ourselves and our pitiful differences and drop them, see through the bullish.t. learn that unconditional love triumphs over hate and falsity.
Be authentic.
Hello my dear unicorns :),
I hope that the new year brings happiness and peace to you and your loved ones.
A
And to you my dear. I wonder who the new ones will be.. there are more, we are out there, everywhere, changing hearts, influencing culture, making a difference.
So nice to hear from you dear.
Well.
Who do we have remaining in the forest now, I have been away for a bit.
Hi Cindy. Best regards.
I am not here much. But i do remain. My gender has changed, it integrated, I am whole, and healed. I live genderqueer now, outside, changing peoples perceptions of transgendered people by confronting them with the reality of humanity, love, and understanding. Leaving them silent, and the haters taking a deep look at themselves.
Do not fall to hate. Live free, open, and live your truth, to the good of all trans.
Satinjoy
Hi SatinJoy. You know how much it cheers me up to see one of your heartfelt posts here.
Be well.
It's so good to see you, SatinJoy! I hope your life is everything you want it to be.
Beyond anyone's wildest dreams my dear.
Until I fly in again, be well...
Dread Fairy
I miss you. You know where to find me, look for me again my dear.
Blessings.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7lmAc3LKWM
She's back, but I think I will not be the Fairy here.
There are far too many emotions involved. So I am closing the book.
Many thanks to all who contributed to those precious forest threads. They were life changing for many, hated by some.
That was a special time, a precious time. It ended sadly, but these things happen.
So the Fairy is flying away. Satinjoy will remain.
Nails out and hair down, heart wide open, but hurt.
The elf is puzzled. For a brief moment they thought that their friend, the fairy, had returned to their treehouse. They remember well that time when the fairy found their balance, their truth and their footing on the diamond tight rope of trans.
But the fairy has already left. Weaving through the starlit sky, singing their new song of peace and certainty... SJ has found themself, the trees bending in admiration.
Safe travels
Isla
No, sh'e remains. Silent at times but watching, thinking of an old and terrible time, and yearning for the day when all of trans can understand themselves, love each other, and face the darkness we live in together.
Sh'e rests inside h'er treehouse, feeling the gentle breezes of spring inside the forest.
Oh sh'e had slept long.
Gently sh'e stretches and moves to h'er doorstep and looks out upon the old forest.
A soft smile crosses h'er face.
Life remains in this place...
Gilded wings open and love rekindles.
The Fairy is back.
I'd come to visit, but as an aging overweight groundhog, I have trouble climbing trees and tend to fall off the branches.
I saw my shadow again this year, but, to my amazement, this time I didn't scuttle back underground right away.
LOL
But did your shadow, darling?
I am going to try to put this up here, lets see if I can.
The link is to my private you tube channel, which contains only two vids, one is a clip regarding trans homelessness that is too intense to put up on Susans, the other, is my transition.
Since it could be of value to see what a full blown nonbinary transition looks like, I offer it here. This is nonbinary with gender fluid social presentations/realities, the last slides are within the last 6 months, and it is a 2 1/2 year transition period on full strength estrogen injections.
Every nonbinary transition is unique of course, and there are many ways to accept your truth, including not doing anything at all with hormones or surgeries but knowing who you are.
I am nonsurgical. Nothing is off the table, but everything is highly unlikely for surgical modifications. I think being no op full hormone transition is exotic and attractive.
Enjoy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSBUdmjjQLs&list=PL8N6-R6Vc2Za41GuXqbjkpcDl8YqVv8wJ&index=12 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSBUdmjjQLs&list=PL8N6-R6Vc2Za41GuXqbjkpcDl8YqVv8wJ&index=12)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWEsrQx6A2U
Long it has been, since I let this thread live.
And Asche, if you cannot climb into the treehouse, I will gladly carry you here.
Why I resurect it, besides it having my transition in it (thats copywritten by the way), is because in the other parts of the section, I am not likely to talk about my feelings, and in the creatures thread, its more by analogy.
I feel very sad and somewhat guilty about having abandoned everyone here, I had my reasons at the time, sanity being one of them. But I regret completely bowing out like that.
And at the moment, partly due to my hormone levels and just being me, I am pretty much a raw nerve. The sensitivity is pretty strong, and after my shot, I can be quite emotional.
At the moment, I am furious with myself for misidentifying Asche as a hedghog instead of a groundhog, part of that is just working 16 hours a day and having a brain fart, but I should have gotten this right. Somehow it got confused in my mind.
So bear with me. I have a lot to say about gender, specifically nonbinary and full transition, and non transition as well, the rebels version of NB lol. But it all goes so much deeper than that.
Emotions are funny things, they can wreck me, and I am capable of great rage. Rarely will it turn on someone else, it has before though. Rage is the reason for my exile, when it came, it was a consequence of my own actions and nothing I wanted, but I am on guard against it.
So, like thinking out loud thread, this is where I think I might just dump and talk and feel as it relates to Susans and my relationship to this place and the people in it I have missed so much.
Its been a long journey. Everything I was told would happen, didn't. But it has come with a cost, for sure.
Hugs, all.
I keep worrying that I am going to say something and offend someone because I don't know people very well here now.
What did Sno say? Tense Fairy.....
You nailed it honey.
Just be you hon.
We'll all adapt, and rest assured that if anything is slightly irksome, you will be teased for a few months (I lie. Generally it's forever...)..
I must rest now,
(Hugs)
Rowan
You are such a sweetheart.
I am still conflicted about being back.
But I see individuals here with heartcries, so I want to help.
Susan's is very binary, and I do fear that, binary thinking is destructive to nonbinary thoughts, it unbalances, I noticed my own got a little out of whack again, and its back into truth where it belongs.
But I think I will try to spin some threads, and see what happens.
My being here is still somewhat tenuous. Yesterday I tried to log in and the site rejected me, I thought I had gotten banned, but I am still here, so I guess I am ok. I don't want to be banned but I also don't want to hide my truth.
In some ways, I feel like a racecar without brakes, go all in, roll the dice, and see what happens for good or ill.
If someone gets helped, then its a win.
But I do feel conflicted, since I come from the time when the forest burned. There are so many emotions tied to that.
For now, the Fairy is here, sweeping the dust from the treehouse floor, looking out the window, in shock.
Hi Satinjoy,
I haven't been following your threads since I came on in 2017, after you went away.
However when I see "nonbinary" I pay attention. I am struggling to figure myself out, and want to see viewpoints and experiences of others who have gone that way. That may be the best explanation for myself as I currently find myself going back and forth.
Please stick around and tell us of your experiences and your thoughts. I agree Susan's can be kind of binary, and in fact I took a break myself from here for that reason. But I'm back because there are so many supportive people here who feel to me like friends. While they may themselves be on a binary path, they remain supportive of those of us who may not be binary.
When I get time I'll go back and take a look at what you've posted, but probably not until next week. For now, gotta go out in the wilderness and watch the Perseid meteors!
Thanks, Randy
Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk
Nice to meet you :)
Quote from: Satinjoy on August 11, 2018, 09:32:47 AM
My being here is still somewhat tenuous. Yesterday I tried to log in and the site rejected me, I thought I had gotten banned, but I am still here, so I guess I am ok.
That happens sometimes. We have a huge number of bans out there primarily because spammers hit us regularly. What happens is spammers use various methods to hid their identity and when we place the ban, it might take out others doing the same to protect their privacy. Exposing other members information by staff is a serious offense on this site and a violation of the rule not only will result in the loss of the staff position but will result in being banned from the site so your personal information (what little there is) is safe here.
In the future should you run into a problem like this, several staff members have Susan's email addresses in our signature. You may contact us with this email address anytime you have difficulty accessing the site and we will look into it for you.
Ahhh.
Thank you.
:)
I'm going through a really hard time right now IRL, so thought I'd post just to be present, I am a bit too overwhelmed and exhausted to post on thread or be helpful.
(Continues to sleep on Bears fur near Walrus, Groundhog, Faerie and the rest of the folks. And glad they care.)
After a while it isn't about gender anymore, its just about living.
Quote from: Satinjoy on August 19, 2018, 06:11:32 PM
I'm going through a really hard time right now IRL, so thought I'd post just to be present, I am a bit too overwhelmed and exhausted to post on thread or be helpful.
(Continues to sleep on Bears fur near Walrus, Groundhog, Faerie and the rest of the folks. And glad they care.)
After a while it isn't about gender anymore, its just about living.
Hang in there.
Thank you
Just took my shot, accidentally hit a vein.
Pushes my gender way to the sh'e side, away from the they side. If that makes any sense.
And I like that tbh.
Its an endurance race, we took a huge hit from a combination of Irma, me mismanaging the business, and just some destructive folk. I don't share here about the stuff I go through, its just not in my comfort zone, but I'm fighting my way through this, a day at a time.
But I am not doing well at all, yet, in reality, I am. Part of why I came back, it relieves depression and exhaustion to be here.
Anyway, I'll be talking again when I feel better.
I think that different peoples opinions are really needed for a complete viewpoint. If your opinions are not liked or appreciated I don't know why. Everyone's opinions are important as long as they are not insulting.
I hope that you feel better.
Snoozing and napping is good. :)
Rowan
Quote from: gingerViktorKay on August 21, 2018, 06:17:35 AM
I think that different peoples opinions are really needed for a complete viewpoint. If your opinions are not liked or appreciated I don't know why. Everyone's opinions are important as long as they are not insulting.
I hope that you feel better.
Thank you.
I never get any pushback on my posts here. Not anymore. And some of the pressure is relieving.
Sno- yeah, sleep and rest, and a vacation soon.... 15 hour workdays are going to go to normal again soon.
Hugs dear one.
The Dormouse realises that she may be unknown in these parts by some, but she is here with her painted acorns.
Quote from: PurplePelican on August 22, 2018, 12:53:34 AM
The Dormouse realises that she may be unknown in these parts by some, but she is here with her painted acorns.
This makes my heart sing.
Biiig hugs dear one.