So I have facebook set up to forward messages to my phone. It's my long weekend with my kids; last night I had just put them to bed and sat down to read emails and such when I heard a message alert on my phone. It was a facebook message from my ex-sister-in-law who I hadn't seen or talked to since my brother's nasty divorce about 15 years ago. She had apparently found my ex-partner's profile and friended her. My ex did mention it a few days ago; she thought it was strange because she never really knew my brother's ex.
It was a short message filled with anger and directed at what she called "abandoning your children." I went online and offered a brief response... I said that she didn't know me or my kids at all and to not contact me again. Four more hate emails followed filled with all the nastiest things one could say to a transsexual person; she repeatedly used the name I no longer identify with and obviously just wanted to hurt me. I just blocked her. I wasn't in the best of places given a few unrelated events from earlier in the day; I'm also very sensitive when it comes to the relationship I have with my children. I let her get to me. I cried very quietly while I went to bed and held my son close ( he and his sister argue over who gets to sleep in my bed.)
We woke this morning and went downstairs... I started to make breakfast while they watched Spongebob. When I called them to the table my Mom came out of her room and said good morning... she asked my daughter (7) how her week was.. She talked about her week at school and how they took my ex's boyfriend out for his birthday to the Chinese buffet... and she talked about playing at the playground with a few kids she didn't know. (my ex partner and I bring them to the playground sometimes so we can talk while they play) A few kids asked which of us was her Mom...
"So I told them, both.... I have two moms," was her reply.
I almost dropped the eggs. I tried not to react... Until now, both of my kids just called me, "Jess," by their choice.. I took a deep breath and took it in stride... I served my son(5) the sunny side up and my daughter the scrambled and sat down myself. After a few bites, I looked at each of them and smiled... I said, "I love you guys." My son giggled and my daughter smiled back...
"I love you, too, Mom."
Today was a truly wonderful day.
Where did that woman get off talking to you like that, she doesn't even know you. Bitch. On the lighter side, your kids are delightful bundles of joy. I wish you the best of luck on your mommie adventures! :)
Jessica
I'm happy you had something good happen after that BS.
I too have children, I hate myself at times for doing this to them. I am not out to them yet but at times I present myself fairly obvious. I took my youngest to the store today, I asked like usual for him to try not to call me Dad out loud (I am getting use to doing this, UGH)
before walking in I said jokingly ,"well you could call me Mom"
he said "no way"
I at first took this sadly even though I do not want to be there Mom, it would still be so much easier if they called me that instead.
He then explained saying your nothing like Mom she's ........(puts his hands out to show big belly)
I stopped him before he said anymore, but I was happy to understand that he thought I wanted him to see me like his Mom.
I might be able to get them to realize I'm not trying to be Mom, just their Dad that happens to look like A Mom.
Question for you: If your ex finds out they are calling you this, will she be upset or ok with it. I couldn't imagine what my ex would do, probably try and sue me :o
Shelly
Quote from: Just Shelly on April 30, 2011, 10:22:35 PM
Question for you: If your ex finds out they are calling you this, will she be upset or ok with it. I couldn't imagine what my ex would do, probably try and sue me :o
Shelly
I think that, sometimes, we're so used to feeling like we're doing something wrong that we place guilt upon ourselves. There is nothing wrong with being a transsexual person; our condition is unique but does NOT inhibit our ability to be a great parent. After almost 6 years of transition I feel that I'm more equipped than I've ever been to be a parent to my children... Don't let anyone tell you that you have fewer rights because you're transsexual... There is NO LEGAL PRECEDENT for denying a parent's rights because of their gender identity. My ex-partner initially suggested that she could prevent me from seeing my kids because I was trans... my response was, "Prove it."
Shelly, are you female? What does one call a female parent? If you choose to be recognized as a dad, that's fine.. whatever works, you know...
But what parent, male or female, allows her or his children to sabotage their dignity in public? By allowing that, what example are you providing? Be strong... your ex no longer controls you.
That is a great story Jessica. I guess you can expect a card or something next Sunday :D
I am talking to my wife right now about my son. He is getting quieter and quieter when I call. He doesn't seem to want to talk anymore and it is killing me. One word answers to all my questions followed by, "well that's all I have to say, bye dad." I wish I was there to hug him and tell him I love him. The separation between us has been super-tough.
Your children sound wonderful Jessica and as mentioned earlier they are who's most important
That x-sister in law sounds like a nutter who's just looking to stir the pot
Hugs
- Virginia