Ello Everyone,
Its taken me two days to get slightly over the pain of my birthday. i was so excited for it too, my 40th, first time in years.
The started amazing, got a great call from my parents (who are on holiday interstate). it was truly awesome.. my heart was zinging all over the place. then 15 min later got a text from my mom, and my heart plummeted.. she wrote
QuoteNow you've reached that age and joined the ranks of becoming wise and those grey hairs become more distinct but what more can i say a very blessed 40th birthday my son. Love you to the moon and back and more
That hurt, because every single time we chat, the fact i die my hair a different colour is always mentioned and that i should grow old gracefully. not to mention my long hair is brought up by my dad constantly as well. like couldn't she leave the grey hair bit out for just one conversation.. for just one day, my birthday. my heart sank as i headed into work with my son (who was doing work experience). my mood slowly picked up as i got messages from friends on my new FB etc and i was happy again by the time i got to work. the day went great, i really enjoyed my birthday lunch at work and the cake too. i was so happy.
Was allowed to leave work a little early and headed back to my suburb and my sister house for dinner, which was very nice. afterwards had a surprise party, where my other siblings and their families arrived singing happy birthday and i saw my BB8 cake. from my sisters i got a lovely 40th cup and a village cinemas gold pass for two (where you sit in amazing chairs and have dinner and watch a movie). then.. sorry one sec got to wipe my eyes, bit hard to be seeing the screen..give me 5.....
right were was i, oh yes and then my sister hooked her phone to the tv and showed everyone the video my parents just recorded in-front of everyone. at first i was like wow, then i heard the words and at that moment my world completely crashed. i kept it together, just, hiding how i feel as best i could. i wasn't outed directly, but the implication was there. like they knew, my oldest sister was watching my reaction closely no doubt to report back. what hurt the most, my dad didnt say a word to me directly in the video. afterwards i opened my gift from them, which was a lovely painting of table mountain in Cape Town south africa (the place of my birth). and the letter i got with my card..hurt bone deep. 15 years ago with the ultimatum from my parents something between us broke.. after that video, my heart shattered inside, and my soul cracked a little bit more and what was left between us was completely shattered. despite all this, i still love them dearly. when i love i love completely.
link to sound track -> https://drive.google.com/open?id=1UIQazEZhyYNpRlvtrNJmcAcFTe34Rlvr (https://drive.google.com/open?id=1UIQazEZhyYNpRlvtrNJmcAcFTe34Rlvr)
i never told my eldest, my nephew did that he sent all the recordings of our verbal conversations, chats and copies of my old blog.. and she confronted my (basically asked me why i ever came forward years ago) and claimed she found out when her eldest son (the one who sent everyone everything) left his fb logged in the other day when he left.. like yeah right i know the guy.... now this sister, everything i tell her, she dutifully tells my parents. even when i dont want that happen.. it like everything (its the reason i simply don't visit or talk to her). my parents are not entitled to know everything about my life, it is not their right, that is a privilege. and boy are they good at manipulating you to do what they say and do..hell shall befall you if you dont.. kind of why i stopped telling them everything decades ago.
and then i find out she approached my second eldest sister and wanted her to go together to visit my folks and tell them about me transitioning. my second eldest sister refused,not her place to tell. despite all that pretty dam sure she told my mom and i think clearly that my mom eventually told my dad.. and i am sure they are praying it away daily.
and so i am seriously considering officially telling them when they get back.. and have a christmass without them. the only stopping thing is my son may suffer... sigh... still seriously thinking about telling them officially.
c u all on the flipside..
V
hi
here is the letter that was in my birthday card.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1raVBXO6uV4JXbEzCDTh906UJyK9Yr6uH/view?usp=sharing (https://drive.google.com/file/d/1raVBXO6uV4JXbEzCDTh906UJyK9Yr6uH/view?usp=sharing)
for some reason, sharing photos from photobucket doesnt seem to be working.
Family dynamics sure can be hurtful when basic boundaries are ignored.
It seems you're related to a bunch of busy bodies that relish gossiping.
It appears you have been outed to some degree already and confirming it may be your next step.
If you haven't had any repercussions beyond your parents trying to pray it away and verbal/written stabs to the heart, then you still have their love.
Maybe your parents will get a message from their prayers telling them it's okay and enjoy your daughter.
... Happy belated birthday though, next one may be better for you!
Hugs, Jessica
I think you're right, it's time to tell them straight out. It'll hurt but I don't think it will as much as what you are going through. Give them the ultimatum for continued relationship, don't let them dictate.
I know, easy for me to say. My folks have both passed and I know they would have accepted if not understood if they were here to tell. Our family has always been dysfunctionally open-minded. helps that my sister identified as a boy since age .. um .. forever .. I can't remember a time she didn't. Still goes by she, btw, I don't think she ever took the trans identifying step. I'll have to have a sit down with her at some point.
CRAP, there I go, making a post about me when you're hurting.
Sometimes all we have is ourselves. Stand up for yourself and be firm.
Happy belated Birthday. Yes, happy. We are happy that you are here and happy to celebrate with you. I'm sorry I didn't know day of.
Quote from: Jessica on September 16, 2018, 08:05:33 AM
Family dynamics sure can be hurtful when basic boundaries are ignored.
It seems you're related to a bunch of busy bodies that relish gossiping.
It appears you have been outed to some degree already and confirming it may be your next step.
If you haven't had any repercussions beyond your parents trying to pray it away and verbal/written stabs to the heart, then you still have their love.
Maybe your parents will get a message from their prayers telling them it's okay and enjoy your daughter.
... Happy belated birthday though, next one may be better for you!
Hugs, Jessica
I think with my nephew giving his mom the dirt on me so to speak, and the fact my oldest tells my parents everything. i think they know fully, my youngest sister probably not. i just have to approach it carefully, my initially child reaction is to simply blab it out to them in a message and walk away from my family, who despite it all i love soo deeply.. but i wont, i will more than likely write a letter. re-read said letter, put it up here for some advice and then get it done.
its taken a few days for it to really sink in and the pain sure hit me in a big way. :'(
QuoteMaybe your parents will get a message from their prayers telling them it's okay and enjoy your daughter.
my parents will never get that message i feel, they have gotten more religious and how all games are evil and etc.. the fact that when they hear queen blasting out of my car stereo and the "evil music, will make one gay" kind of says it all. they are not bad people and they have done a lot for me and my siblings over the years. they will simply ignore all the tells over the years and remember what they want.. and try to push me to live in constant pain and to ignore who i am, cause like its evil and this verse says this etc. and they try to convince me they know the bible better than i do, well err no, that great book is the only thing that has helped keep me alive all these long painful, soul destroying years. pretty sure i see an intervention in my future, with a minister of a church and elders etc... sounds like that could be fun.
it is my plan and full goal to celebrate my bday next year as the real me, not as i am.
thanks for the birthday wishes :)
Quote from: Faith on September 16, 2018, 08:40:49 AM
I think you're right, it's time to tell them straight out. It'll hurt but I don't think it will as much as what you are going through. Give them the ultimatum for continued relationship, don't let them dictate.
I know, easy for me to say. My folks have both passed and I know they would have accepted if not understood if they were here to tell. Our family has always been dysfunctionally open-minded. helps that my sister identified as a boy since age .. um .. forever .. I can't remember a time she didn't. Still goes by she, btw, I don't think she ever took the trans identifying step. I'll have to have a sit down with her at some point.
if she is happy, i really wouldnt, if she is in the same position many of us are then yeah...
QuoteCRAP, there I go, making a post about me when you're hurting.
that's ok, you lightened my mood and made me giggle, go right ahead.
QuoteSometimes all we have is ourselves. Stand up for yourself and be firm.
my parents would consider it a win if i stopped hrt, renounced it as evil. joined their crusade and lived my life exactly as they dictate and to spill everything in my life to them. i mean if i don't live by their advice now, my mom plays the victim card and the manipulation begins. and my dad gets involved cause i upset my mother. always don't upset mom, sure thing, but why must she try to destroy and mould her adult children to run their lives as she decrees. and to spill everything to her.. nope not gonna happen. a few years ago i would of simply folded under the pressure. they probably expecting me to fold again under the pressure. but the thing is, i found who i am, i know who i am.
I am Veronica hear me roar!!!
in fact for a moment in time i considered it, but nah.. i am calm, confidant and happy with me and where i am going. finally started loving myself for the first time (as my shrink puts it), she is pleased as punch how far i have come too. if i stopped HRT it would destroy me and all my hope and dreams.
QuoteHappy belated Birthday. Yes, happy. We are happy that you are here and happy to celebrate with you. I'm sorry I didn't know day of.
thats all cool, i never got the chance to post in the bday part of the forum.. all good and thank you very much all the same.
Quote from: Veronica A on September 16, 2018, 03:29:00 PM
if she is happy, i really wouldnt, if she is in the same position many of us are then yeah...
Oh she'd handle questions just fine, I have no worries there. When I came out, her reply to my question of acceptance was, "I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't"
Quote
that's ok, you lightened my mood and made me giggle, go right ahead.
Hurray :)
Quote
my parents would consider it a win if i stopped hrt, renounced it as evil. joined their crusade and lived my life exactly as they dictate and to spill everything in my life to them. i mean if i don't live by their advice now, my mom plays the victim card and the manipulation begins. and my dad gets involved cause i upset my mother. always don't upset mom, sure thing, but why must she try to destroy and mould her adult children to run their lives as she decrees. and to spill everything to her.. nope not gonna happen. a few years ago i would of simply folded under the pressure. they probably expecting me to fold again under the pressure. but the thing is, i found who i am, i know who i am.
I am Veronica hear me roar!!!
in fact for a moment in time i considered it, but nah.. i am calm, confidant and happy with me and where i am going. finally started loving myself for the first time (as my shrink puts it), she is pleased as punch how far i have come too. if i stopped HRT it would destroy me and all my hope and dreams.
If it works for you, stick with the way you're heading and how you're getting there. Everyone's way is different. I still wouldn't let them twist you up with manipulation. It only works because you allow it ... sorry, don't mean to sound condescending. Text is a horrible manner to express oneself without writing a thousand word essay.
Quote from: Faith on September 16, 2018, 04:50:45 PM
Oh she'd handle questions just fine, I have no worries there. When I came out, her reply to my question of acceptance was, "I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't"
Hurray :)
If it works for you, stick with the way you're heading and how you're getting there. Everyone's way is different. I still wouldn't let them twist you up with manipulation. It only works because you allow it ... sorry, don't mean to sound condescending. Text is a horrible manner to express oneself without writing a thousand word essay.
no your not condescending.. i understand :)
@Veronica A - Stay strong Veronica! You have found yourself and your happiness - don't let anyone take that away from you, even those who love you. Its always a strange irony that those who love us the most can cause us the most pain.
The strange thing about the cultural rules that we are supposed to follow is that I can't find a single person who wrote them, just a few billion people who are happy to blindly follow them like sheep.
Take care,
Sonja.
Quote from: Sonja on September 18, 2018, 05:00:32 AM
@Veronica A - Stay strong Veronica! You have found yourself and your happiness - don't let anyone take that away from you, even those who love you. Its always a strange irony that those who love us the most can cause us the most pain.
The strange thing about the cultural rules that we are supposed to follow is that I can't find a single person who wrote them, just a few billion people who are happy to blindly follow them like sheep.
Take care,
Sonja.
Isn't that the problem? We are all expected to follow the rules that society has decided on, and (it seems to me) only we transgendered seem to be aware of the problems they create.
Quote from: Sonja on September 18, 2018, 05:00:32 AM
@Veronica A - Stay strong Veronica! You have found yourself and your happiness - don't let anyone take that away from you, even those who love you. Its always a strange irony that those who love us the most can cause us the most pain.
The strange thing about the cultural rules that we are supposed to follow is that I can't find a single person who wrote them, just a few billion people who are happy to blindly follow them like sheep.
Take care,
Sonja.
it is indeed, very strange