Lately I've been thinking about some of the things I did before I went full time. There are a few memories I can play back over and over and I just can't help but keep wishing I could go back and change them.
There's one, from about 2012. I was standing in line at the shoppette on post, I was in uniform just picking up a bottle of whiskey by myself to go home and drown my week with. The cashier was a man dealing with transition but still presenting male.. Everyone could tell. He had long dark hair up in a messy bun, a hint of natural makeup and nails always done. He used a femme voice that you could tell was a work in progress. He had goals.
I had seen him there every friday like clockwork, and I could see him transforming more and more with every bottle of jack daniels I bought. I always went through his line, because I wanted to ask him something. But I didn't know what. I was so jealous of what he was doing with himself. Everyone in line ignored him. They would barely make eye contact. While I would smile and try to joke with him and get him to laugh.. I always wanted to give him a compliment. But the "manly man" wearing my uniform wouldn't let me do it in front of other people. I was so shallow. Thinking back on it. Why didn't I just give the guy the compliment his nails deserved? Idk
I guess this sort of turned into a confession about dumb stuff I did as a man.
Maybe you had that nail polish and it stained your white furniture? Ok I'm being silly. Now I want some beer and it's 5am here. Definitely to drown my sorrow. Well mostly dysphoria...
Maybe that person is on here and can see your compliment now!
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Quote from: Allison S on February 18, 2018, 03:54:41 AM
Maybe you had that nail polish and it stained your white furniture? Ok I'm being silly. Now I want some beer and it's 5am here. Definitely to drown my sorrow. Well mostly dysphoria...
Maybe that person is on here and can see your compliment now!
Omg! I wish! If I ever see him again, I'm going to tell this story and give him the most awkward hug!
Beer? hmm.. Drowning sorrow works better with whiskey in my non-professional medical opinion :D :D
But if beer it is.. Voodoo Ranger works very well. It's an IPA by a company called New Belgium and is about 10% alc. Does the trick for me every time!
Quote from: Jennifer.Diamonds on February 18, 2018, 04:41:56 AM
Omg! I wish! If I ever see him again, I'm going to tell this story and give him the most awkward hug!
Beer? hmm.. Drowning sorrow works better with whiskey in my non-professional medical opinion :D :D
But if beer it is.. Voodoo Ranger works very well. It's an IPA by a company called New Belgium and is about 10% alc. Does the trick for me every time!
I think you will meet again. I have faith!
Ooh beer is all I have sadly. I thought the same thing that it's definitely not enough.. dysphoria sucks
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I have heard it said that the only thing more difficult than doing what is right, is living with yourself when you don't.
Jennifer don't be too hard on yourself you may not have been able to show your support directly you were kind and friendly as you said most people would ignore them and avoid eye contact your treating them as a real person may have been the highlight of a dismal day
bobbisue :)